


Just a Kid from Peachtree City

by WretchedThorium



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2018-09-07 00:04:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 30
Words: 218,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8775178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WretchedThorium/pseuds/WretchedThorium
Summary: AU in which Kelley O'Hara is just a kid from Peachtree City, and Hope Solo is a washed up has-been, whose life plan never included watching the game from the sidelines.
CAUTION: can be a trigger for some. 
Coach Au





	1. Metaphorical Chokehold

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: this story isn’t meant for everyone. As the author, I have to say that this contains material not suited for all readers.   
> This story is one that is personally akin to my life and it became a thought excercise. Be advised.

~~

 

 

Kelley sniffed the gloves that Ashlyn had handed to her and then quickly chucked them before she doubled over and hacked, gagged, and retched the strong stench from her nostrils.

“Your shit smells DISGUSTING, Harris!” Kelley yelled. “PUT THEM AWAY! In fact, burn those. Or light _yourself_ on fire, jesus christ!”

Kelley eventually resurfaced and composed herself when she heard the laughter from her teammates die down, quickly. She turned around to look at her goalkeeper friend, but just saw an unusual layer of fear etched around her eyes, and her mouth sealed shut.

“O’Hara.”

_Shit._

Kelley slowly looked to her left to see her coach standing stiff, with her arms folded, and that legendary bitch face piercing into Kelley’s soul, frightening her inner child. The forward crouched in fear when she saw Ash’s gloves in between the woman’s chest and her hands, no doubt where she caught them. Kelley's expression seamlessly portrayed her current state. Her eyes were widened and she looked up at her coach.

“O’Hara, you’re a senior now. Why do you continue to act like a child??” Hope yelled.

“Coach! I didn’t know you were standing there!” Kelley protested. She was chuckling at this point, trying to lighten up Hope’s mood. She quickly got up and closed the distance between them while the rest of the team looked on with open mouths.

“I don’t care. Go run to the fence and back.” Hope ordered, with a lowered tone of voice that resembled a growl.

“O-M-G Coach! I was just joking! I didn’t mean to hit you with them!” Kelley pushed back. She was bewildered at her coach’s order.

“What did I say?” Hope barked. “You know what, Harris, why don’t you go join, Kelley?”

“Wh-” Ash thought about it for a second, but then surrendered in defeat. She knew that it was smart to just comply, not protest. She shoved Kelley in the chest before she started jogging to the dreaded fence.

“Ooooooo, KO. Starting stuff...” Crystal chimed in.

“You too, Crys.” Hope ordered.

“Man...Aight, coach. I see you.” Crystal got up, flicked Kelley in the forehead with her fingers, and then ran to catch up with Ash.

“You gonna join them??” Hope challenged when she looked back at her best player.

“I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!” Kelley yelled.

“Kell! Just do it” Alex yelled.

“Shutup Alex!” Kelley yelled back.

“You too, Morgan. Go ahead and run for your teammate, since she can’t do it for herself.” Hope said with a fake smile plastered on her face while Alex Morgan started running.

“Are you serious??” Kelley yelled.

“Yeah.” Hope said simply.

“Coach, you’re being RIDICULOUS. And you’re taking your frustration out on us teenagers! You can't just do that! This is America! Okay, Il Duce?!”

Hope threw the gloves in her hand aggressively to the side and towered over Kelley, who only slightly- okay more than slightly- cringed and cowered as her coach advanced on her.

“You know I’m Italian, right, O’Hara?”

_Shit. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.”_

Kelley took a few steps back and then watched Hope explode internally. The forward clearly regretting what she thought would have been a clever quip, braced herself for the blow.

“You know what, O’Hara? You stand here. While the rest of these girls- Ladies! Stand up!” The coach looked at the 20 other girls sitting and watching this whole exchange by their soccer bags as they put on their cleats.

“You stand here, WHILE THE REST OF THE TEAM RUNS SPRINTS FOR THE REST OF PRACTICE, WHEN YOUR TEAMMATES GET BACK!” Hope yelled.

“What the-“

“Kelley!”

“Are you serious, Coach??”

“What the freak, Kelley!”

Hope barked at her best freshman, “Mal! Go and tell Morgan and them that when they get back, they get a quick water break, and then we are doing 120’s!”

Mallory looked on with widened eyes, but then quickly sprinted her ass down the path to find Alex.

“Rest of you! Get on the line!”

“Coach.” Kelley softly begged when Hope handed the girl her stopwatch. “Please don’t make me do this..” Her face had fallen, and this wasn’t a fun game anymore.

“No, Kell. You want to do this with me, this is what happens.” Hope threatened. “LADIES! O’Hara over here is going to time your 120’s and make sure that _every single_ one of you makes it back in 45 sec! You lucky girls get to do 10 of them for me!”

They all groaned.

Hope turned back to the defeated and sullen forward.

“60 sec break in between each rep. If one of them doesn’t make it back in time, you make them do it until they do.” Hope said. “And if you give your teammates a break, and you count it when someone didn’t make it, I’ll make them do this tomorrow. Because I’m going to be counting on my watch, while I go and stand over there with Coach Lloyd, talking to her about who my new senior captain is going to be.”

 

 

~~

 

 

“Why do you always do that to O’Hara?” Carli said as she chuckled.

“I f-I hate it when she does this with me, Car. She ALWAYS does this to me. She always tries to challenge me in front of the girls, and she makes me do this. She fucking called me Mussolini!” Hope hushed when her best friend and fellow coach had come out with her group of girls in much shorter shorts.

“Yep. Sounds like O’Hara. But I’m actually impressed. We’re covering World War II in History.” Carli said, clearly grateful that some of her students paid attention to her. “O’Hara’s something. But that’s why she’s my favorite.” Carli quietly whispered.

“Girls! Two lap warm up. TWO LINES!” Carli yelled out.

“Why are your girls out here?” Hope asked.

“Since the season’s over, I’m just going to make them do random shit. And I didn’t feel like spending our practice hour in the gym that smells like sweat and...teenage boys.” Hope laughed and nodded at that. “I swear, I’m tired of trying to avoid questions as to what the “Feet smell” really is..”

Hope doubled over in laughter as they watched their respective teams finish their runs.

“Hey, but you should take it easy on O’Hara sometimes.” Carli suggested.

“I try, Car. She’s such a fucking player, but... It’s just sometimes....that kid makes me want to...” She played out a scene of her choking an imaginary person. One that she beat mercilessly over the head.

“Tell me about it. Coaching sucks.” Her best friend chuckled.

“But that girl looks up to you.”

 

 

~~

 

 

“Did you go easy on her?” Carli peeked her head into Hope’s small office.

Hope peeled herself away from her computer screen, and then gave her best friend an exasperated look.

“What do you think?” Hope threw back.

“Solo, go easy on my favorite!” Carli joked. “When are you heading out? It’s 6:30.”

“Eh, I still gotta wrap up some stuff.”

“Fine, FIFA.” Carli groaned. “I’ll catch you tomorrow for the staff meeting.” She called over her shoulder as she made her way out of the coaches hall.

Hope shook her head at Carli’s longtime nickname for her, and then continued to browse some medical articles about shoulder exercises and Youtube videos that had some insanely buff people performing some exercises that Hope started to do at her desk.

She opened her school email, browsed and ignored a few of the spam that cluttered her mailbox, and immediately archived the new and unread emails from Megan Rapinoe. She then switched back to youtube and played the Seattle Reign match from last night.

“Coach?” She heard a knock and the timid voice call, but she didn’t need to swivel her chair and turn around to know who it was.

“Yes?” She called out softly. The heat of the battle she had waged with her captain on the field was dissipating, and even though she _really_ wanted to be childish and continue this war of words with Kelley O’Hara... like any good relationship, it was time to get over it and move on.

“Coach, can I talk to you?” Came the quiet voice.

“Sure. Close the door.” Hope pulled up the chair in the corner right up next to her so that they were both facing the football match being chrome casted to her TV that was usually used to watch high school film.

“What's up, Kell?”

The soccer player quietly folded her legs in the chair and sat staring at the screen while she tried to devise a speech that could wholefully convey the emotions that had ripped through her every time she had to make her teammates run another sprint because they had not made the time.

Kelley finally looked up at Hope and nervously put her hands into the pockets of her hoodie.

“Coach, I -” Kelley quickly looked back down at her feet as soon she met the older woman’s eyes. “I'm really sorry about what I did and said at practice. I...was outta line.”

Hope took a second to respond but nodded and gave her player a sad smile.

“Why do you do this, Kelley?” Hope leaned towards her to build an atmosphere of trust. “I was going to let you and the team have a light day. Maybe some soccer tennis and then scrimmage.”

Kelley looked disappointed.

“You're the most-likely-captain, little one. You can't be pulling this stuff after two years of having me as a coach. You know what's expected of you.” She said softly.

“I know!” Kelley said. “I'm sorry!”

“So then why do you do this every year with me?” Hope pushed. “It genuinely baffles me every single time, because you're so smart. And so gifted. But this attitude of your sometimes just...kills you.”

“I...” Kelley tried to search for the words. “I...get riled up.” A small smile was sprouting on the girl's face. Because it was lamely, the only way she could put it.

“It's not an excuse, coach. I just really want you to..understand. To understand what I'm trying to say sometimes.” Kelley finished.

“Okay...” Hope said with a nod of her head. “And what did you want me to understand when you called me a fascist, basically?”

The coach chuckled while Kelley's cheeks got scarlet red.

“I-I-I wasn't th-”

“Chill out, Kell.” Hope patted her on the shoulder. “It was pretty good. But you didn't hear me tell you that...” Hope smirked.

“I'm embarrassed.” Kelley muttered.

“You should be!” Hope chuckled. “You cannot talk to me like that, dude.”

“I won't.” Kelley quickly said.

“Good.” Hope said as she turned back to the TV to see her good friend Nahomi score. “You carry that thought with you when you're running ten 120’s tomorrow, while your team scrimmages.”

The screech of the chair legs on the tile floor startled Hope Solo and she couldn't even take in, nor prepare for her player’s swift movements.

“Please coach!”

Hope looked down in surprise at the sight of Kelley kneeling before her and her tiny hands on both of her knees.

And that was the third time that Hope got that feeling of raw dread sludge through her blood at the sight of Kelley O’Hara.

“O’Hara, stop.” Hope said as she pushed her chair back and stood up.

But in reality, she was telling _herself_ to stop. To get the image of Kelley on her knees with begging and innocent eyes out of her brain. With her wet hair cascading down along her hood and her lips shiny and wet from- god knows Hope didn't want to envision it. Having this small, fiery girl at her mercy and submission was definitely not something that should have been happening. The fraction of a second that Kelley had held Hope’s leg burned, and sent a shiver down her spine, and down another body part. The girl’s pleas sounded seductive, altered in Hope’s already muddled mind, and there was only one smart thing she could do. She wanted to run. But she couldn't. She had to hold it together.

Hope leaned back on her desk and tried her hardest to keep her composure and not let on that the moment that occurred two seconds ago, was egregiously inappropriate.

“Coach, please. I won't do it again. I won't let the team down again like that!” Kelley begged.

The older woman put her hand to cover her mouth, to hide the millions of emotions that were making her whole body tingle and to tame the urge to scream.

Kelley got up and stepped closer, and Hope took in the sight of Kelley in her “Panthers Soccer” hoodie and the tortuously short compression shorts that she was wearing.

“Coach, I learned my lesson. Seriously.” Kelley softly implored as she scooted closer so that there was less than a foot between them.

“Okay, O’Hara. Then show me.” Hope said through the hand that was still covering her mouth. “Deal with the consequences that you have to face.”

“Please.” Kelley softly begged as she inserted her index finger into the pocket of Hope’s Adidas track pants.

“Kelley.” Hope warned.

“Fine.” Kelley digressed.” I am really sorry, though.”

“Thank you. It shows me what kind of person you are.” Hope said with a strained voice. Because Kelley's hand had _still_ not moved.

“I didn't mean to..”

“It's fine, Kell.” _Please get out of my office. Please, please, please. I fucking hope Carli didn't forget anything in her office._

“Coach, I know it doesn't seem like it, but-but I genuinely don't mean to do this! I have so much respect for you and-and-”

“Kelley. It's fine.” _Fucking move your finger, before I have to break it. In. Half._

“Are we..good?” Kelley looked up at her with bright eyes. Hope noticed that the girl had finally removed her hand from Hope’s leg and had laced her fingers together in the form of some prayer hands.

“We are good.” Hope said through her hand. “But you're still running, tomorrow.”

The forward rolled her eyes, but then smiled sadly and nodded. Kelley pinched her coach’s elbow before she walked out of her office.

“Yes coach!” The girl called out with a salute behind her shoulder.

When Hope heard her office door shut, she let out the breath that she hadn't realized she was holding in.

_Someone, please kindly light me on fire._

 

 

~~

 

 

“I fucking hate you.” Alex Morgan grumbled when she wriggled out of Kelley's attempt to hug her from behind.

“Okay. Chill. If it makes you feel better, I'm running tomorrow to make up for it!” Kelley raised her voice.

“If you didn't pull this shit all of the time, I wouldn't be wheezing and limping because of my sore knee!”

Kelley waved her friend off.

“Al, we were going to do sprints eventually! It’s preseason!”

“You never fucking listen.” Alex growled as she picked her bags up and walked out of the locker room.

“Al!” Kelley called after her.

“I'll meet you at my car in like 30 minutes! I'm going to talk to my Stats teacher and see if she’s still here.” Alex called behind her shoulder. "And get away from you!"

Kelley rolled her eyes and then started to pack her own bag.

“Everyone hates you.” Ash said with a smirk. “Even the fishies were talking MAD SHIT in front of me.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I agreed with them.”

“Well you and the fishies can suck my dick.”

“Hey!” Mal called out.

“Nothing personal, Mal.” Kelley called out.

“What the hell, Ash? Some loyalty??” Kelley asked.

“Oh. That went out the door the second you made me run. I'm a goalkeeper. You can ask coach. We don't run.” Ash smirked.

Her best friend came in closer so that their conversation was muted to a volume so that only the two could hear.

“What did Solo do to you?”

Kelley shrugged. “She's making me run, tomorrow. That's it.”

“Dude. You need to cool it with her. She's going to make Alex captain.” Ash warned.

“I don't care.” Kelley bristled.

“Right...okay, and I like boys.” Ash teased.

“Whatever. Solo’s not going to do that to me.” Kelley said as she grabbed her shinguards and threw them into her bag.

“Dude. What makes you so sure?” Ash asked with a smirk.

“Because she just abuses me because she loves me.” Kelley joked. “It's the reason she always picks on me.”

“You're so extra, KO.” Ash said with a shake of her head.

“What can I say? I'm hot.” Kelley shrugged.

“You're so gross and so desperate, dude.” Ash chuckled. “She's going to think you're so creepy.”

“I'm going to break down those beautifully built walls, Harris. Mark my words.” Kelley joked. “Nah. She’s gross. She's like 40.”

“Okay. She's like 27 and you're crazy.” Ash said as she picked up her stuff. “C’mon. I'll walk with you to Alex’s car and make sure she doesn't kill you. Still sleeping at my place next week?”

Kelley nodded and then walked out with her friend. But not before she craned her neck to look into the coaches hall to see if her favorite coach was still there.

 

 

~~

 

 

It was the third time.

Hope put her head in her hands and let her elbows slide on the slippery wood of her desk as she asphyxiated under the metaphorical chokehold that her ‘meeting’ with her captain had put her in.

_Fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fueksiebeldlalsnjrismsbaslwlejdbdi._

“Nope.” She said out loud to no one and grabbed her bag and walked out of her office. She turned off the light and successfully repressed her little meltdown as the chilly Georgia rain peppered her hair. She walked to the parking lot and waged an internal debate on whether she should go see Paul, or go cozy up in an empty house with a frozen dinner with a depressing serving of loneliness.

“Bye coach!” Ash yelled from her car.

“See you tomorrow Ash.” Hope said as she unlocked her beat up Rav-4 and threw her stuff into the cargo area. She closed the door, hung her head, and then sighed. The day was over. That was the bright side.

“Damn, coach. You look worn out. You look like you were the one running those sprints!”

Hope chuckled at his voice.

“You know, Jer, you can just call me Hope.” She said softly.

“I know. But there’s just no fun in that.” He smiled brightly. She returned the smile, the wattage as strong as his, and then walked to her front door.

“Hey uh, what are you doing? Want to grab a drink down at O'Bannon's?” He said quickly.

She opened the door and as it squeaked on it’s hinges, she debated whether or not she should take him up on his offer. His kind eyes and his strangely charming banter that screamed trouble for any woman, or another night in her big house with Captain Sully, with whom she was going to share a glass of wine with, anyways.

“Yeah.” She said softly. “I was thinking about getting a drink or two, anyways.”

 

 

~~

 

 

“Paul. Two.” She signaled to her gruff, fierce, and strangely endearing bartender friend. He had seen her at her lowest, and at her highest. And no matter what, if there was rain, shine, tornado, Paul was always going to be there at the bar. Steadiness, consistency, and dependability. She liked that.

He put down two glasses of straight vodka, and Jerramy looked down and shook his head.

“Hope Solo, doesn’t play huh?”

Hope shook her head and then started sipping on her own glass. He thought about it for a second, but then followed suit.

“So why do you look like you’ve had a shitty day?"

“You know, I hate talking about work.”

“Ugh! You shut down everything!” Jerramy joked. “So why was O’Hara sitting out? She get injured?”

“No, she called me a fascist, so I made _her_ make the team run sprints.”

“Durrrrrty, Solo! Damn!” Jerramy yelled out. Hope laughed.

“Shit, O’Hara been acting up again?” He asked in disbelief.

“You should just send her over to practice with my boys. Put her in those pads, make her be the kicker or something. We fucking need her.” He chuckled.

“Please fucking take her.” Hope said before she took a hug gulp of that poisonous elixir.

“Nah. All of those boys wouldn’t pay attention if I did.” He said grimly. “That would be a nightmare. Men are dumb.” He added.

She smiled at him, knowingly.

“Plus, from what I hear, she swings one way that baffles boys at that age. Their heads would explode.” He chuckled.

“Coach Stevens, where the hell do you hear this stuff from?” Hope asked in disbelief.

“From my boys!” He defended. “I swear, I don’t know where that stereotype that women gossip more comes from, because those boys talk and talk and talk.”

“Well, I’m glad that I’m not the head football coach.” Hope offered.

“Sometimes I wish I coached girls. They’re just different. They actually fucking listen to you.” Jerramy offered.

“Pshh. Take my team. You can coach your favorite.”

“She is my favorite!” Jerramy said with a smile.

Hope threw her head back and rolled her eyes.

“She’s _everyone’s_ favorite.” She added.

“Well, that’s what happens when you’re one of the only seniors with potential to go somewhere in life with the sport you play.” He shrugged. “Just some kid from Peachtree City who’s going to play for Stanford. No big deal.” He joked.

Hope nodded her head. She was proud of that.

“But that’s not why she’s my favorite.” Jerramy said as he took the last gulp of his drink. He signaled to Paul for another round.

“Why is she your favorite?” Hope downed hers to catch up to him, and to drown herself from the misery of this topic.

“Because O’Hara is a smart girl. Boys are stupid.” He said simply. “Plus, she’s the only one who had a straight 100 in my classes last year. And, not to mention, she’s Erin O’Hara’s little sis.”

Jerramy laid satisfied with his case, and chuckled as Hope rolled her eyes for what felt like the millionth time today.

“Why are you not a fan?”

“Jer, it’s not that I’m not a fan.” Hope said as Paul came with their drinks. “She just really pushed my buttons today, man. And I was really fucking close to-” She had to remember that she was talking to a co-worker, “...chewing her out. That kid drives me crazy, sometimes.”

“You know, that’s so surprising to me.” He said quietly.

“Why?? She pulls some crap like every week with me!” Hope threw her hands up in defeat.

“Because she wrote an essay about you, last year.” Jerramy said before he took a sip of his drink.

_She..what?_

“Huh?”

“I promised her I wouldn’t tell you...but I’m like five shots worth of vodka in, and that was like last year, and teenage girls don’t remember that shit, right? They like have short attention spans, right? Yeah, they don’t hold grudges, so...” He laughed.

“Wait! What the hell, do you still have this essay?!”

“Hell no, Solo! You think an english teacher is going to keep every single essay that every single kid in the class writes? From last year?” He asked with a tone of disbelief.

“Bullshit. I know you! You kept it, to wave it over my head.” Hope said with narrowed eyes.

“You’ll never know.” He said with a mischievous grin.

 

 

~~

 

 

“Hope.” Paul’s voice interrupted ebb and flow of the easy laughter that bounced back and forth between the two coaches. She looked up. “That’s three glasses for you.”

Hope looked at him with tired eyes.

“Nah, man. I can take her home.” Jerramy offered. He looked back and forth between the woman and the bartender and the intense eye contact and silent conversation that they seemed to be having.

“Who are you?” Paul asked a little aggressively.

“Whoa dude. I work with her at Starr Mill’s.” Jerramy put his hands up, because Paul was probably the only man in a 50 mile radius who was just as tall as him.

“Paul..” Hope warned.

“No. That’s like 6 shots, innit? It’s a school night.”

“Paul..” Hope warned again.

“Hey, man. Just let her have the drink. I’ll take her home.” Jerramy slowly added.

“Hey chief, go back to your drum and FUCK OFF.” Paul yelled.

“My what?” Jerramy asked.

“Nothing he’s just british. Paul, I’m not going to have the fourth glass. Relax.”

“Yeah, and you’re not being taken home by dat fucking chief, neither.” Paul growled.

Hope rolled her eyes.

“Umm, I don’t know what to do.” Jerramy whispered.

“He’s not going to give up, so you may as well clear out.” Hope whispered back.

“How are you going to get home?” Jerramy asked.

“My supposed fucking bodyguard who thinks he’s a gangster from ‘Souff London’.” Hope pointed at the scary bald bartender.

Jerramy chuckled. But his face softened. “Are you sure that I can trust this guy to take you home?”

“You can. I’ve known him since my pro days.” Hope reassured him.

Jerramy patted her on the shoulder, before he shot her a charming smile that would have made any woman weak, and then made his way out onto the cold.

“He’s a wanker. You don’t need him.” Paul said as he wiped down the bar.

Hope rolled her eyes.

“I know that.” She said bitterly.

 

 

~~

 

 

Kick after kick, the rain from the downpour last night was starting to soak into the polyester lining of the the 50 or so soccer balls that were strewn about around Hope’s feet. Her waterlogged socks were serving as ice bags on her feet to freeze the rest of her body in this 6 am chill.

This had to have been at least her 24th ball that she had lined up on the six yard box. She squared her shoulders, took her starting spot, winded up, and then let it rip. She watched it sail in the air and she was _this_ close to celebrating the fact that this was going to be the first ball that would land in the strategically placed trash can that she had stolen from the school hallways.

But it landed, two feet away.

Hope turned around and then instinctively punched the left goal post. She forgot that she wasn’t wearing her gloves.

“FUCK!” She yelled out loud. She cradled her hand for a few seconds and bit back the tears that were dancing around her eyelids. “Oh my fucking god.” She bit back the pain and doubled over while she massaged it. The former pro angrily placed another ball on the six yard box and attempted to achieve this impossible feat. Ball after ball, she grew exponentially furious with herself while she tried to land any of the balls she served into one of the five school trash cans that were strategically placed all throughout Starr Mill’s soccer field.

Hope stormed around the field to gather the resulting placement of her misses to regroup. She kicked them all back to the goal and grew increasingly resentful that her accuracy to place a ball in the goal from all over the field was accurate, but if she were just to turn around and do the same thing in the other direction, her accuracy was laughable.

_You’re a fucking joke, Solo._

On the last ball that she had rounded up, she gave it a nice and easy pass to the goal. But when it had skidded just wide of the left post, Hope absolutely lost her shit.

“GODDAMMIT!” She yelled into the sky. She grabbed bunches of her hair and then pulled, as the veins all of over body bulged because of the fury that pumped throughout. She kicked down two of the trash cans that were next to each other, took a deep breath to stem the blind rage that had taken her over for a few seconds, and then held her stomach as she tried to breathe through the frustration tears that were falling. She grabbed the bottom hem of her shirt and put it over her head to hide her pitiful face in.

“Coach?” A timid voice pierced through the thin fabrics of her training shirt.

_Shit._

The woman wasn’t quite ready to reveal her face, but she was aware that Kelley had a full view of the front of her torso. So she let her t-shirt fall.

“What are you doing here so early, little one?” Hope said as she wiped the sweat (and tears) from her face.

“Alex has cross country.” Kelley said as she nervously rubbed the back of her neck. “So I'm sure she’s out there somewhere on mile six or something.” Kelley pointed at the neighborhoods in the distance.

“Ah.” Hope said as she internally panicked at the thought of one of her players witnessing her aggressive neurosis, and beating of innocent trash cans. But on the outside, you would never know. Hope Solo’s face was smooth and stony, her resting expression.

“Coach...are you...okay?” Kelley hesitantly asked as she held onto the one strap of her backpack.

“Yeah...” Hope smiled guiltily, knowing that one of her students/players had seen _all of it_ and there was nothing she could do about it.

“Are you sure coach? Because, I think those trash cans would disagree..” Kelley said with a raised eyebrow.

The grin that the girl was giving Hope was so innocent and beautiful and filled with mirth.

_I hope no one takes that away from you._

The older woman smiled back and fondly pondered the fact that this strong and fierce Peachtree City kid was going to be an american NCAA rookie within less than a year, making waves. Kelley’s stature oozed futbol and her eyes bright with sharpness and potential.

Hope realized that she was looking at copy of herself at that age. _There’s still hope for her._ And she clung onto that thought as she remembered what it was like when there was still hope and potential to be a great athlete. It was a nostalgic smile, one reserved for passing down to the youth. Because that hope and that potential, didn’t exist for Hope anymore. Not for a washed up 28-year-old who ended up coaching high school.

“So you caught me, captain.” Hope said quietly. She didn’t back down from Kelley’s stare.

“Don’t worry, coach.” Kelley softly said as she took a few steps forward and the placed a reassuring hold on Hope’s wrist. The older woman looked down at kelleys hand and then back up again.

“It’ll be our little secret.” Kelley whispered. She didn’t back down from Hope’s stare, neither.

The coach closed her eyes and let the spot around her wrist tingle when Kelley walked away to pick up the trash cans.

“What were you trying to do anyways?” Kelley called out a good distance away once she had picked up the trash can.

Hope opened her eyes and tore herself away from her thoughts.

“Uh, I was just trying to make em’ in the cans.” Hope called back.

Kelley excitedly jumped up and down and yelled something about a challenge, but all Hope could hear was a ringing in her ears and she was starting to reconsider what she was doing. Because she was getting weaker. Kind of.

It was the mental torment that she was experiencing at the fact that her shoulder was starting to ache again, and Seattle’s season was beginning. It was the same time of year.

And the lonely nights were starting to add up. The empty bed, the large amount of empty wine bottles that she had forgotten to recycle, and the discarded double AA batteries that had been all used up by her vibrator, were all signs that it had been eight months since she last slept with someone.

And she was starting to crack.

Even Carli was starting to look really good. Hope wanted to throw up, yet simultaneously touch herself at the sight of Carli in a modest outfit when they went to the bar. It was a pathetic predicament to be in, and Hope wrangled with herself on how miserably horny she would get at the sight of Christie, the school’s older athletic trainer. At this point, it was anything female.

And she wished that her drunken mess of a brain would just get it together. Because these happenings (Hope didn’t know what to call it) with Kelley O’Hara were just a symptom of her stress induced delirium, drastically reduced self-esteem at the pain of her shoulder and it’s reminders, and the painful throb in between her legs, begging for her to do something about it.

“Coach? Are you-are you here? Earth to Hope Solo.” Kelley tapped her arm with her two fingers.

“Sorry, little one. What’s up?”

“I asked if you wanted to continue distributing it. I could go shag the balls.” Kelley said with a shy smile.

The coach looked on at the kid with a warm smile and an affectionate tone.

“You know, I think it’s pretty cool that you know what I’m working on. Most of my players would think that I’m just trying to do a trash can challenge.” Hope chuckled and couldn’t help it when she ruffled Kelley’s hair. The wide grin she got back in return, gave her a small feeling she didn’t want to analyze.

“But no, join me. You can work on it, too.” Hope said softly.

She watched in satisfaction when Kelley hopped up and then placed a ball on the six yard line. They took turns ripping the balls down the field while the sun came up.

On Kelley’s fifth ball, the two watched as it plopped right into the trash can like a raindrop, on the far left flank, ten yards away from the half. The two looked at each other with mouths wide open, and Hope could see that Kelley was about to burst with excitement, but something was holding her back. Maybe it was because she saw what it did to Hope when she had tried so hard and so long to make a miracle happen, and for the youngster, it came so easily.

But Hope smiled softly and her eyes filled with adoration.

“You’re something else, Cap.” She said gently  

“I’m just a kid from Peachtree City.” Kelley said quietly and shrugged.  

“Nope.” Hope shook her head and held her gaze. “You’re _so_ much more than that.”

That was the fourth time.

 

 

~~

 

 

The soccer coach lowered her body into the hot tub that was only meant for the student athletes.

“Solo, you sure you want to dunk into a cesspool of teenage boy bathwater?” Sydney Leroux, one of the athletic trainers asked with a smirk on her face. Hope smiled at her. This was one of the trainers that Hope _didn’t_ feel the slightest bit guilty in checking out.

“Syd, I watched you drain the tub. Plus, Christie scrubs these machines like every other day.” Hope reasoned. “I’ll just be like 15 minutes, my shoulder is starting to hurt.”

“Fine, but you better hurry. Because in fifteen minutes, the cross country boys with shin splints are going to come in and see sexy Coach Solo in her sports bra in a restoration tool that is mostly just a jacuzzi.” Sydney threw out. “That would be a literal wet dream.”

“Well, aren’t you so lucky that you get to see this every morning.” Hope quipped back. The athletic trainer rolled her eyes and then nodded.

“Yeah I guess so. Dom would get so pissed if he found out how many times a day you check my ass out.”

Hope waved her off.

“Men are stupid. He doesn’t have to know.”

“Speaking of men,” Syd said with a high pitched tone, “I heard that you went out with Mr. Stevens, last night.”

“Ew. Who told you that?”

“Who do you think?” Syd pushed.

“Paul is so annoying...” Hope sighed. “And no, don’t get any ideas, Syd.”

“I don’t know..he’s kinda hot.” Syd said with a smirk. “And recently divorced, and soooo into you.”

“And also very much, a dude.” Hope said with a smirk.

“So you haven’t once..with a dude?” Syd asked with a shit-eating grin.

“No, actually I have.” Hope said with raised eyebrows. She laughed at Sydney’s scandalized and surprised face.

“It was some semi-pro player when I was out in Spain.” Hope shyly offered when Sydney had begged her for the story from five minutes. “I didn’t know anyone, and it had been fresh off of a breakup from my very first girlfriend. So I guess I just...experimented?”

“So...what’s the verdict?” Sydney asked.

“Uh, yeah, a dog can do what he did to me. No. Thank. You.” Hope said.

“Gawdd. Solo. Why did you have to create that image. I h-”

“Sydney, Can I-”

The two women turned around to see the that someone had entered the training room.

“Can I get a bag of ice?” Kelley slowly asked.

“Oh sure, babe. Help yourself.” Sydney sweetly called out. All of a sudden the water was starting to feel really cold around Hope. She was thankful for her ability to hold a neutral face and stare back at her coworker and friend while Kelley put ice in a plastic bag at an agonizingly slow pace (in Hope’s opinion). Sydney didn’t notice a thing.

“What do you need ice for?” The trainer asked.

“Um..uh, Tobin hit her jaw on a sidewalk and uh, scraped her elbow when she was on her board on her way to school. She’s okay!” She quickly added when she saw Sydney’s face. “She’s just a little banged up.”

“Okay...well you kids be careful.” Syd said.

“We will. Thanks Syd.” Kelley hesitated before she turned around. “See ya, coach.”

Hope gave her a small smile when Kelley looked at her.

Sydney turned back around when the door had shut.

“That girl’s my favorite.” Sydney said with a smirk.

 

 

~~

 

 

It was fourth period and Hope was dreading the arrival of the mediocre children that were going to occupy her classroom for a good hour and fifteen minutes. It brought her mild dread.

She was a shitty teacher, everyone knew it, and so did she. It kind of worked out in her favor because she really exuded the coach vibe, and she was enjoying the fact that it was acceptable to be a shitty teacher and a really great coach. She knew that Heather O’Reilly, one of the math teachers she could actually talk to, would not be able to pass by like she did, because she was strictly an educator.

To the kids, she was great. She would show them outdated videos that the State mandated them to show on sexual health and nutrition, while she caught up on some news on the Reign, the Cardinals, and Barça Femení. It was mostly a blowoff period for most of the kids, and for Hope. Sometimes, the seniors on her team would crash a class period and hang out in the back of the classroom. When it was Alex, it was to get some homework done and it was always sixth period, right before her Stats class. When it was Tobin, it was to sleep. When it was Ash, it was usually to hit on a girl named Ali that was in Hope’s second period.

And with Kelley, it was any period. But she was never alone. She always tagged along with one of her teammates, every single time. And the soccer coach _knew_ it was because that girl had the whole school in the palm of her hand, and she could do whatever she wanted.

It wasn’t that Hope particularly proud of the fact that she was labeled the ‘chill’ teacher to the kids, or the ‘shitty’ teacher to the rest of her coworkers. It was just that this was her day job, and she didn’t love it. She hated that she had to resort to becoming a teacher just so that she could coach.

And even coaching was just a backup. Plan B. A plan that she never thought she would have to use. A plan that she never really thought she would have to resort to.

“Just entertain yourself, guys.” Hope said as the mix of students sat down for her Health class. “We’re ahead on the schedule so today’s a free period.”

A number of students cheered.

When the bell rang, a student came bustling in at the last minute, and Hope looked up to see the one boy she _knew_ would have the audacity to wear a Real Madrid jersey. She rolled her eyes at him, while he smirked back.

“No manches, Leo.” She said when she looked back at her computer.

“Lo siento, coach.” He called back. She enjoyed that he could understand her Mexican/Spanish jumbo of a language.

“You’re not helping your grade out, dude.” Hope teased. “I swear kid, your name is LEO MESSINA. You were destined to root for Barça.”

“Coach! I can’t! Me and my brother went to Madrid last summer, remember? I can’t!” He playfully and passionately defended.

“Alright, dude. Don’t blame me when you get back your grades...”

Ooooo’s came from the rest of the class.

“Coach, I swear, whenever I see the women play, I totally _try_ to root for them, but I just..it’s not in me, coach. I got this ride or die loyalty. You feel me?”

“Fine...” Hope jokingly let up. “I’ll give you brownie points because you actually watch women’s futbol.”

He shot finger guns at her, winked at her, then put earbuds in and pulled out his homework.

That was one of her favorite students. A good kid who had come to the states as a refugee when he was eight. His mom said that when they had settled in Georgia, he didn’t know how to read, but he knew how to play futbol. Him and his brothers had roamed the streets of Maracaibo, sweeping up the roads while they kicked a ball around. He was a well-mannered boy, that had managed to resist the machismo of his older brothers. He was insanely smart and hardworking. Plus, he was the only one who recognized Hope from her glory days.

At first, she thought he was just another creepy teenager boy who kept staring at her, but on the third day of class he had finally come up to her to ask if she use to play for Barça. She couldn't help the wide grin that formed on her face when he asked that.

“Si.”

His eyes widened.

“Coach! You used to be a little catira with your blond hair, back then!” He said excitedly. She laughed at the fact that she used to sport the blonde look.

Him, Kelley, Tobin, and Alex were the only ODP players from the area, but it was such a shame that the boys program at the high school didn’t have quality coaching. Because he was a star, and even though club soccer is what mattered the most, it was still best if those elite kids could be challenged in every team they were a part of. She was glad that all of her kids were a part of the Peachtree City Lazers, the club she was the director at. That way, she still had a stake in their development.

 

 

~~

 

 

 

Before Hope knew it, school was over and it was time to start practice. She couldn’t wait to get out from behind this desk, and get out on the field.

“Yeah, cap, you’re still running.” Hope said as she pointed to the endline. “Tobs, time her. Alex, you and Ash captain the two teams, we will do 15 minute halves.”

Today was an observation day for her.

The season was quickly approaching and it was a time for her to see what the girls had in terms of talent, and what they lost from off season. She watched as she sat down in her three legged stool and took some mental notes.

After the first half, Hope turned around to see Kelley tearing down the other field. Clearly, she was going to make the tested time. She turned back around to yell at Alex that halftime was over.

 

 

~~

 

 

“Coach, can I..can I ask you a question?” Tobin asked quiety while she crouched down to get on Hope’s level.

“Wassup, Tobs?”

“Was..Did I do something wrong? Like..Was there a reason why you pulled me out to time Kelley?” The midfielder timidly asked.

“Nah, kid! I just knew you got banged up, hurt your jaw this morning, so I didn’t want to put you up against Crystal. No sense in putting you on, especially if there is even an inkling that you may have a concussion.”

“Wait-I-I didn’t get hurt this morning.” Tobin said with a confused face.

Hope turned her head to the side to look at the captain who was red faced from the heat and the exhaustion of the sprint. She was drinking from the water bottles that Mal had carried out.

“You didn’t get into a accident with your skateboard this morning?” Hope asked with a tone of confusion.

“No! I don’t ride that thing so close to the season.” Tobin said.

_Kelley..._

“Oh, I’m sorry kid.” Hope genuinely apologized. “That’s just what I heard. Well...go do the warm up and when you’re ready, you and little one over there join opposite teams.”

“Thanks, coach.” Tobin flashed her wide grin.

That was Hope’s other favorite.

One morning, during her first year as coach at the school, Hope was dozing in her coach's office when a loud knock on her door jerked her awake. Tobin came bursting in without any permission and dropped a seriously frayed, commercialized, Barça book that was probably unauthorized and from an unknown author, onto her desk.

“DOPE!” Tobin yelled and then walked back out without any explanation.

Hope picked up the book, which had a sticky note on it that said: pg. 69

She turned to the designated page and her heart swelled at the sight on a small picture of her old team. She had blonde hair and she had her arms around Maribel Dominguez, one of her old friends.

Tobin let her keep the book. It was still in her desk drawer.

 

 

~~

 

 

Kelley casually leaned on Alex’s car with her backpack hanging on one shoulder, while she waited for her best friend to get there.

She took her phone out of her hoodie pocket and stared at the new message from Heather.

**Mitts:** Stop being so shy about it, KOH. You know when you’re team’s going to see us...and lose ;) 7:01pm

Kelley rolled her eyes but smiled at the text. She made to text back, but put her phone away when she saw her coach walking, no doubt to her own car.

“Sup, Solo.” Kelley said with a smirk.

Hope just looked at her with raised eyebrows.

“No..? Can’t call you that?” Kelley offered.

“No, little one, you can’t call me that.”

“Fine. I won’t call you that, if you and the team stop calling me ‘little one.’ ”

“But you’re so little.” Hope pushed back. “And I have little control over what those girls call you.”

“Crystal is shorter than me.”

“Yeah but her muscles are bigger.”

”Fine, can I call you 'Hope'?” Kelley asked brightly when she started following her coach to her car.

“You absolutely can...NOT call me ‘Hope.’” She said with a smirk.

“Why not?? ‘Hopey’ is so adorable, OhMiGosh!” Kelley squealed. Her coach glared at her while she opened the back door to her car and pulled out a Starr Mill’s hoodie.

“O’Hara, do not call me that, ever again.” Hope jokingly threatened. Kelley noticed the way her eyes pierced, but her lips were twitching into an ever-so-tiny smirk.

“What do I call you? ‘Coach’? That’s so lame. ”

“Why? I’m your coach.” Hope said simply as she put on the hoodie.

“Yeah but ‘Coach’ is so...formal.”

“Well, I'm formally your coach.” Hope threw back. She sat back on the bumper and removed her track pants. Kelley’s heart started beating through her chest when she saw the older woman in a pair of compression tights.

“Uh...a-are you. Are you working out or something?” Kelley asked.

“Yes, ‘student’ I am.” Hope said as she packed the folded unworn clothes into her backpack. She smirked. She always enjoyed messing with her students.

“S-so late at night? Aren’t you scared? I mean a pretty lady shouldn’t be running by herself at night.” Kelley pushed.

“Scared of all of the gangstas roaming the country club streets of Fayetteville? Nope.” Hope said simply while she pulled out some headphones.

“Plus, I heard from Ash that you think I’m a gross 40-year-old, so no one is going to want me.” Her coach smirked at the sight of Kelley’s face falling.

_Fucking never trust Ashlyn Harris...._

“Coach, I-I-I-”

“It’s cool O’Hara.” Her coach said as she put her headphones in and locked her car. “My 28-year-old ass won’t hold it against you.”

Kelley watched as her coach’s ass jogged off onto the streets.

 

 

~~

 

 

“You’re an idiot.” Alex said.

“Why?” Kelley asked when she opened the door to the passenger side.

“O’Reilly says that you haven’t turned in your homework from last week.”

“Heather loves me. I still have an A in that class.” Kelley said.

“You’re ridiculous. And I hate you, just a little bit, Kell.” Alex said as she put her car in reverse.

“You love me, Al.”

“I don’t know why.” Alex said with an eye roll.

“Hey! You and Jen want some Irish Mashed Potatoes tonight? Your mom and I are making them!!!” Kelley asked excitedly.

“What makes them Irish?” Alex asked as she drove on.

“The fact that I made them.” Kelley said simply.

Alex looked over at her best friend.

“You know, dude.” Alex said softly. “I have no fucking clue, why you’re my favorite.”

Kelley beamed.

“Probs cuz you're my most favorite person in the world, Alex Morgan.” Kelley said equally as soft.

 

 

~~

 

 

The girl curled up into one of Alex’s favorite comforters and threw it over her head. She could hear her best friend's snores right beside her as she had her back against the headboard, and her eyes glued to her phone screen.

**KOH:** I’m not shy...You just know what I look like in person. And you’re just prettier than me ;) I mean...I wouldn’t mind another picture...to hold me off until I see you again and MY team kicks YOUR team’s ass. 11:56pm

**Mitts sent a photo.**

Kelley bit her lip.

Then, she pulled her covers tighter around her while she googled and researched the Seattle Reign’s very first goalkeeper.

 

 

~~


	2. You Can't Dim Your Star for Someone Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because it was enticingly off limits, and it was quite honestly a really vulnerable position that Kelley was putting herself in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated M, for a reason

~~

 

Hope sat in the golf cart while the travel mug in her hands and the leather jacket she had on warmed her body. She tried so hard not to doze off while she looked out onto the club’s fields and watched the many men that were mowing, moving goals, and doing other field maintenance things that she had no idea about, and quite frankly, had no idea why SHE had to be out here.

“Why do I have to be here?” Hope groaned to her friend in the passenger seat next to her.

“Cuz you're the boss woman, yeah?” Paul asked.

“Yeah I am. But it's too early to pretend to be interested in field maintenance when the season doesn’t start for another three months.” Hope rolled her eyes. “What are you doing? Why aren't you out there?” Hope pointed out where the group of men were.

“I'm having a meeting with you.” Paul said simply.

“You little fucker.” Hope said with a smirk. “Get out there and do your job.

“Fine. But I really do have to talk to you about something.” Paul said slowly. He put his hand on her shoulder to pull in her attention.

“What...?” Hope asked with caution. Because Paul looked like he was trying to be gentle with her, something that this rude, grumpy, towering man only attempted to do when he had bad news. When he had found out about Hope’s big break up years ago, his ways of soothing her meant buying her two handles of Jim Beam whiskey, that he ended up drinking when she tried to talking to him about it. Good intentions, horrible execution.

“Uh.. so Harvey reached out to me.”

Hope rolled her eyes. She took a sip of her coffee and then they both sat there in silence. _What is she wanting now? Why is she coming to me NOW? He needs to stop talking to her. He needs to stop having these conversations behind my back._

“Dude. You're not my agent.” Hope said while she avoided his stare. She was hoping that the edge in her voice would be enough. “You have to stop doing this.”

“You won't do it for yourself.” He said in a gruff voice.

“Well that's my choosing.” Hope quickly defended.

“Listen, it's in your hometown.” Paul said. “It's semi-pro. So you could still continue coaching. You could do another stint at university-”

“Dude. Just quit it.” Hope ordered.

Since she wasn't directly looking at him, she couldn't see his eye roll and jaw clench, and the way he furiously shook his head. She could see out of the corner of her eye, that Paul put in his working gloves, before he got up and started walking towards the other men.

Hope drove back to the small club office in the highest speed that her golf cart would take her and she sat up in the small space and used it as her hideaway so that she could process what he told her.

_How fucking dare he. Fucking semi-pro. How fucking-.The nerve of that asshole._

She started writing up the checks that the guys were going to come up and collect in about five minutes, while she continued to mentally stomp on her friend’s face.

_He can go fucking semi-pro. That's probably all he can do. Fucking dickhead. Asshole thinks I need help. I don’t fucking need help! I can do this! I can do-I can run my life. I don’t need someone else’ input on the current state of my blunder of a career. Goddammit_

She threw the pen that she was using to write out the checks across the room and she put her head down into the palms of her hands while the ballpoint instrument clattered down to the floor.

“Coach?”

She quickly looked up.

“You good, Coach?”

Hope sighed. “You didn't see that, Leo.” She said.

He nodded and he slowly approached, trying to gauge the situation he was about to step into. He cautiously approached her at her desk.

“I’m not going to bite your head off, dude.” She picked up his check and handed it to him. He smiled when he saw the number on it.

“Umm. Demasiado. I usually just get like 500$ or so, coach.”

Hope smiled. “I know. But you picked up the other maintenance shifts for Charley. So..ya know. Plus you lay that land better than he does.”

Leo smiled back. “Thanks, coach.”

“Yeah. Hey,” Hope got up from her chair and approached him. “If you have any time, you can go and get your license to coach or even think about being a referee. You can make serious cash on tournament weekends coming up in the spring ...”

“No se.” Leo hesitated. “Gracias, coach. But I gotta ask my mom. But she may say yes. I don't know.” She could see the subtle excitement in his features, no doubt at the thought of being paid even more money for just being around soccer. But she knew his situation at home. He had other life obligations. “And I wouldn't want to do that to you. My brothers are...just trust me. You don't want them working for the club.”

She nodded and chuckled.

“Yeah...out of all your brothers, you’re my favorite.” Hope winked and Leo danced in celebration. “Well thank you for the honesty.” She said sincerely. “But I told your mom that I would help you and her out as much as I could. And it would look good on my part if I hired good coaches for the club...or someone to ref that actually knows the rules of the game..just saying.” Hope laughed.

“Can you keep the job offers open?” He asked.

“For you?” Hope asked. “Of course.”

“Good. I think it may be too much time though. You know my moms...”

“Fine fine. I get it.” She said with a smirk.

They both looked up when the rest of the crew started piling into the small office to collect their hard earned money. It wasn't until she handed the tenth one out that she noticed that Paul still hadn't showed up. The minute they were all cleared out of her little office, she picked up the check and went looking for her friend.

She found him out there there kicking a stray ball into the goal. The second she reached him, she could tell by the way his shoulders were hunched that he had picked up on her presence.

“Stop being childish and just pick up your check for the month.” Hope said with a sigh. But he just juggled the ball while she watched him.

“You know I can just keep this money from myself.” Hope tried again.

“Good. Get you fired as director.” He said simply.

“Don't be a dick. We've had this conversation before, Paul.” Hope exasperatedly spat out. “Stop obsessing over my failed career. That's my job.”

“Just looking out, yeah? That's not all that bad, innit?”

“But I've asked you to stop. Okay? I'm dealing with this-”

“You're not dealing with this!” He sneered. He let the ball hit the ground and he let it rest underneath his foot. “You're stagnant!”

“Okay fucker, I've given MY LIFE to this game.” Hope screamed. She hated that this was getting to her again. They’ve gone in circles with this topic. “Don't stand there and talk about my career like you know a damn thing about how it feels to end it the way I did!”

“Oh piss off! Shoulder injury whatever! So many athletes go th-”

“Fuck off.” Hope growled. She threw the piece of paper in between them and let it fall onto the grass.

“Take your check and get off my fields.”

Paul kicked the ball underneath his foot so far, knowing that Hope would have to go and get it, before he picked his check up and stormed off.

 

~~

 

“Coach, are you still coming to the party this Friday?” Alex asked. The girls were all huddled around in their coach's office, waiting around for Carli and Sydney to come and bring in the boxes of the new uniforms for the year.

“Ummm. Yeah I think so. I'll talk to your mom about it.” Hope said distractedly. She was rubbing her shoulder and internally thanking Carli for picking today to bring the uniforms in. Today was a day she didn't particularly want to look at a goal.

“Well she's excited. Says that her and dad are already warming up the grill.” Alex rolled her eyes.

“Your mom _does_ get a little excited about these parties.” Hope said with a small chuckle.

“God. She does it because she has no friends.” Alex groaned. “This party is more about her trying to become Queen bee with the parents, then the team.”

That made Hope chuckle. “Well, let her have her happiness. The food is on point every year.”

“No coach. You're both wrong.” Ash said. “This party is about the parents gossiping about Julie's dad hitting on you.”

Hope shook her head and smiled into her hands on her face while the girls all joined in excitedly and talked about how JJ’s dad kept trying to juggle a ball to impress their low-key legendary coach.

“Do you think he’s hot?” Crystal asked as she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Yeah. He's single, coach.” Alex smirked.

“You kids are crazy. No comment.” Hope added.

“Oh c’mon coach, you're not married. Why not?” Ashlyn asked.

“Because he's fugly.” Tobin said lazily from her spot on the floor.

“No he’s not!” Alex squealed. “Beer guts can be endearing.”

“God. The standard of partners that straight girls have to settle for, amaze me.” Ashlyn said to Tobin.

Hope shook her head.

_These children are ridiculous._

_“_ So coach.” Kelley said quietly as she slid up to her coach’s side, her voice so low that only Hope could hear her. “Why um...why haven't you-why aren't you married..yet?

Hope continued to rub the pain out of her shoulder and looked on at her players, who started a debate on whether or not Sydney’s husband was hot or not. She looked down at Kelley's hands, which the girl herself was staring at.

Hope hated this conversation. That question almost always had some agenda attached to it. With women who were her age, it was layered on with some passive aggression while they subtly and proudly touted their engagement ring or wedding band. When it was men, it was a segue into making a creepy advance on her. One that she would immediately shut down with a ‘fuck no.’

But when it was one of her students or her players, she knew that _sometimes_ it came from a place of innocence. A lack of knowledge on her life, and the youthful and naive concept that everyone’s life plan involved being married and having children by their thirties.

But with some of her male students, she didn’t know if it was innocent. And with Kelley...Hope’s mind went haywire while her muscles tensed and she gathered all of the mental strength that laid within the veins of her body to stop thinking about why Kelley was asking her this. Her already nagging tick of a thought had given her a few panicked thoughts that were akin to her mini meltdown in her office last week. The girl’s face was so curious, yet so hesitant, and so...young.

“Just haven't found it yet, little one.” Hope said quietly.

“But why not?” Kelley whispered. She looked up at her coach’s eyes. “It's not like you’re..I mean you’re..” Kelley pointed up and down at Hope.

“Gross and 40?” Hope smirked.

“Coach I-” Hope looked down at her leg for a fleeting second when she felt Kelley’s hand slide over her right thigh. “I _promise_ you that I didn't mean what I said to Ash. That was a joke.” Kelley small smile was meant to convince Hope to believe her, but really there was no need. Because the way Kelley was leaning into her and the fact that she had her hand where it was, had convinced her how much of a lie it was that Kelley thought she was gross. All of Kelley's fingers were on the inside of her thigh, and her thumb just hovering over her knee, and it was quite possibly the most destructive way to break down some walls.

The coach’s eyes went left to right rapidly, scanning that of her player’s eyes, trying to understand this kid. And her intentions. _What are you really doing? Do you even know what you’re doing right now? This girl’s valedictorian...she has to know._ Her innocent and curious stare proscribed Hope, and all she wanted to do was make sure that she completely choked on the misery and inappropriateness of her sex starved life and all of its consequences.

_She’s a kid. Of course she doesn’t know what she’s doing._ To Hope, she innocently had everyone in the palm of her hand. Which, speaking of, was still on Hope’s thigh.

“Uniform time!” Sydney called out.

“Oooo me first!” Alex squealed when Sydney and Carli came bustling in with two huge boxes.

“No, bitch me first since I’m number one!” Ashlyn called out.

“Language, Ash.” Hope sighed. She thanked life and the universe that Kelley had sprinted towards Sydney the second that their arrival was announced.

“FIFA. Who picks first?” Carli asked with a bemused expression while the girls fought over who went first.

“Umm..” Hope was too busy trying to kick out her frenzied thoughts to get her shit in order. “I don’t know, go by alphabetical order in last name or something.”

“No, that’s dumb. Coach, we should just do it like last year! Captain goes first.” Kelley said with an expectant look.

“I haven’t even picked who the captain is for this year.” Hope challenged.

“Oooooo. Sick burn!” Sydney yelled while she put the box on Hope’s desk.

“Damn, KO. Oversteppin’” Ashlyn joked.

“You call me, Cap.” Kelley said with narrowed eyes. And the coach could see from the way her chest caved in and the slightest hunch of her shoulders and the way her head microscopically shook from left to right as she said it, that Hope had knowingly, pushed a button.

“Oh c’mon, Kelley. You can go first.” Alex pulled Kelley back to the front of the line when the girl had turned on her heel to go to the back of the forming line.

“KO you got this!” Crystal boomed. Her teammate always knew when to cheer her up. Because Kelley wasn’t exactly subtle about her emotions when it came to her public clashes with Hope.

“No no. Whatever.” Kelley said as she tore away from Alex’s grip and went to the back of the line. Farthest from Hope.

“Dude. Stop being pissy. Get back here.” Alex ordered.

“Nope. Eff this.” Kelley said with a shrug of her shoulders.

“Alright.” Hope said. And she saw out of the corner of her eyes, Carli walk back to the line towards the assumed captain. “You guys are going to get the same sizes and jersey numbers anyway...so just pick em’ up.”

“Wait. So should we go by last name? By grade? I have so many questions, Coach.” Alex said with a frazzled expression. Hope laughed.

“Al, why don’t you decide. And I’ll step over here while you coordinate this whole deal.” She said.

Hope stood next to Sydney, while they watched Alex take command.

“That was brutal, Solo.” Sydney chuckled.

Hope heaved a heavy sighed. “You know, as I was saying it, I was like ‘fuck this isn’t going to go well.”

“Oh it was completely savage. And awesome. But look at her.” Sydney said with a pouted lip. They both watched as Carli had a comforting arm over Kelley’s shoulders. The volleyball coach had pulled her aside from the rest of them, and she seemed to be saying something soothing while Kelley had her head hung low. Hope felt sadness into the extremities of her body, in the tips of her ears, and an ache in her hands when Carli had led Kelley out of her office, no doubt to continue having their conversation in privacy.

Hope turned to Alex and whispered something into her ear. She nodded, and then Hope reached into the box.

“I know.” Hope said sadly to Syd. “I just never get it right with that kid.”

“Yeah you do.” Syd said with a small slap to the arm. “That kid talks about you all of the time.”

“Really?” This knowledge that Kelley had positive thoughts on her wasn’t news, but it was still...flustering.

“Yeah! Every morning that kid comes into the training room to chat with me..i don’t know..maybe like ten minutes after you leave from your shoulder stuff. I think she just gets restless while she waits for Morgan over there to get back from cross country.” Syd said as she nodded to Alex.

“What does that kid ever say other than ‘my coach is real bitch who makes me run all of the time?’”

Sydney chuckled. “O’Hara ever says anything bad about you.”

Hope was starting to feel the guilt seep in again.

“I swear, you’re like that kid’s idol.”

The soccer coach felt her shoulders drop. Her guilt was multi-faceted when it came to Kelley O’Hara.

“I need to be careful with that kid.” And that statement was more for herself, than for Sydney.

“Don’t beat yourself up,Solo.” Syd shook her head with a smile. “You’re doing great with that kid. Just know that she’s...vulnerable...when she’s with you.”

 

~~

 

“How is she?” Hope asked with a hesitant expression. The girls had cleared out of the office and were out there in the cold, running their 3 mile run around the school, when Carli had come back in.

“She’s okay. She will live.” Carli chuckled.

“Car.” Hope breathed out.

“Chill out. It’s okay. It was...funny. The rest of the team laughed.” Carli offered with a smile.

“Did I cross a line? I don’t know dude, I thought-”

“FIFA, you’re good. It was a true statement. You haven’t picked a captain, yet.” Carli said.

“Okay.” She started to feel a little bit better. If Carli told her she was okay, then she was okay. “Are you going to head out soon? It’s like 5 something.”

“Yeah, I’m going to head out. But when are we going to the bar again?” Carli asked from her point in the doorway.

Hope rolled her eyes.

“As soon as Paul stops being a fuckhead.”

“You get in _another_ fight with him?”

“Just please. Dont.” Hope said with her hands up. “But you want to help your bestest friend out?”

Carli rolled her eyes and groaned.

“What?”

“You want to go out there and find O’Hara and tell her to come in my office? Pretty please?” Hope smiled brightly.

“Aren’t you supposed to be out there? Making sure they’re actually running the whole thing??” Carli threw back.

“It’s too cold.” Hope said, with an expression conveyed that she couldn’t believe Carli would ask her that. “Plus, Morgan is out there. She’ll make sure everyone is running.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Because their first year that they had me, I caught Kelley talking to some boy in the parking lot while they should have been running. So I made them all BUT HER run 3 miles everyday for a whole week.” Hope said. The old irritation was starting to flare up. “And Alex was the one who bitched at her the whole practice, in front of everyone.”

“Vicious.” Carli said.

“Hey. I’m all for beating each other up, as long as you build each other back up again. They’re like best friends.” Hope defended.

“True. But hey, I hear O’Hara is a les-”

“Car. Let’s not talk about our players like that.” Hope said with a raised hand.

“Fine.” Carli rolled her eyes. “But why don’t you just make Alex captain, then? I mean that would go down really well...” She joked.

“You laugh, but I’m seriously...like, 95% sure...I don’t know. I’m considering it.” Hope said miserably.

“Well, I’m glad I’m not you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Now go prove to me how good of a friend you are, and go find O’Hara.”

Carli walked out with her middle finger directed at Hope after she yelled, “Fine!”

 

~~

 

“Coach Lloyd said you wanted to see me.” Kelley said as she wiped the sweat off of her red, blood-circulated face. Hope studied the way that the girl was avoiding her stare.

“Yeah, little one. I wanted to give you this.” Hope said as she threw the jersey that was sitting on her desk, into the arms of her player.

Kelley hung it out before her eyes and read the number 19 on the back.

“I pulled it aside because I knew that was the one you were going to want.” Hope said softly.

“Thanks, but I’m probably going to trade with Julie because I don’t want this number anymore.” Kelley said bitterly. Her jaw was clenched and she looked down and let her hands and the jersey hang by her sides.

“Oh.” Hope said. She nodded her head while she waited for Kelley to say something else. Because the girl was still _clearly_ not over the whole captain comment.

“Any particular reason?” Hope asked with a raised eyebrow, when Kelley offered no explanation.

“It’s too big.” Kelley said as she put her tongue on the side of her teeth and Hope watched as Kelley’s eyeballs instinctively rolled in the _slightest_ way. That stirred something in Hope.

“Alright, kid. Lose the attitude. I’m serious.” Hope warned.

“It’s too big, Solo.” Kelley spat. Hope felt the anger that had gotten stirred up in her insides travel up her spine, and make her flex her neck to release the tension. _Pick your battles, Hope. You’re an adult._

“O’Hara.” Hope scratched the frustration out of her hair and bit down on her lip so that her choice of words that were inappropriate for her to be saying to a seventeen-year-old, wouldn’t come out. “Do whatever you want.” She said.

“What, you don’t believe me?” Kelley challenged.

“No. I don’t. You’re being childish, right now.” Hope threw back.

That sent the explosive off that was planted in Kelley’s head, right behind Kelley’s wide and furious eyes.

“Fine.” Kelley barked.

 

And then, she did the worst thing possible.

 

Hope felt the desperate and primitive spasm in between her legs and her jaw clench so hard, while her knuckles went white as she gripped the edge of her desk, when Kelley lifted her sweaty t-shirt over her head. And, Hope felt this slow, burning desire to close her eyes while she tried hard to subdue the arousal that rushed and throbbed in her pants. But the sight of Kelley’s sweaty torso and her nipples peaking through her sports bra as the air conditioned air hit her skin, trapped Hope still, and there was no way that the primal beast in her would let her miss out on this sight.

Hope was too enraptured by what was occurring in front of her eyes, to beg some deity that the girl wouldn’t notice the way her jaw slackened and a softness layered over her eyes, while the rest of her body did the opposite.

Kelley stepped forward, kept eye contact with Hope, who barely had the right mind to stop staring at Kelley the way she was doing half a second ago. The girl tossed her sweaty shirt right next to Hope, close enough that it was laying on top of Hope’s hand. Kelley slowly put on the jersey and glared at Hope.

“See? Too big.” Kelley said, angrily.

But Hope was too busy wallowing in the fact that she had lost this battle. Not that she cared about the size of the jersey, but that a shirtless Kelley O’Hara had just beaten her up into a pulp, and melted her into a pitiful pool of unquenched, and disbelieving pool of sexual desire.

The coach blinked many times while she tried so hard not to make any sudden movements and she heard and felt her heartbeat rapidly. It echoed all throughout her body and she could hear it pounding in her ears.

“Coach...it’s just too big.” Kelley said with a defeated tone. She couldn’t really read the still frame of her coach, and didn’t know what to say after a long moment of no response from the older woman.

Hope slowly put her hand over her core to tame the beast. Her other hand ran along her face as she tried to rub out the expressions that were begging to come out onto her features.

“It’s fine, O’Hara.” Hope surrendered. Because she wasn’t about to submit herself to torture like a prisoner of war. It would have been more appropriate to just shoot her now. “Just, do what you want.”

 

~~

 

“Okay...” Kelley hesitantly said. She stood there in her jersey while she observed her coach wrestle with some weird mixture of emotions that she couldn't quite analyze because it was layered with a stony expression that only had a few cracks and tells. But not enough for Kelley to know what was happening.

And that was what frustrated Kelley the most. The inability to be let in. One minute it was fine and her coach was joking and complimenting her, and the next she was so frustrated with Kelley that it was like she didn't want to be near the girl.

  _I just want to be let in._

Everyone else loved the way Kelley was so in tune and empathetic to the way people moved and spoke around her. It was her specialty. It was how she always got what she wanted. She knew when to tease and when to compliment. When to bully and when to brown nose. She was the right mixture of brains, brawn, beauty, and brashness. And no ever complained at her ways because at the edge of her bite and her forwardness, came a sweet and endearing girl who just wanted to please.

But Hope Solo was an enigma. Kelley seemed to always get it wrong when all she wanted to do was make her coach proud. Because all she seemed to do was push all the wrong buttons. She never seemed to do the right thing when it came to her second most favorite person in this world (out of obligation, Alex would always be first, of course).

“Just go back and find your team and finish the run.” Hope said quietly.

“You're mad at me, again.” Kelley sighed and threw her hands up.

“No, cap. Just go. Before they finish it.” Hope said.

“Well, are you coming?” Kelley said as she stepped closer to get her sweaty shirt. Her heart lurched a little when her coach not so subtlety stepped back when she had reached for it.

“Uh. Yeah.” Kelley watched while her coach searched for her keys. “Just go put that in your locker and I'll meet you guys at the fields after you're done.”

The girl tried to hide how disappointed she was that Hope wasn't going to walk with her, but turned around and walked out of the office and to her locker with her head hung.

 

~~

 

Hope sat in her car for a long time after practice was over.

It was getting worse.

By now, she was usually able to let it go. But it was 7pm and she was sitting all alone in an empty school parking lot, tearing herself down. Because she felt it in between her legs. She was a filthy human being.

And she put her elbow on the edge of the inside of the door against the window, and held up her head. Because, as she knew, she had officially been weakened. And she was exhausted. And she didn’t want to fight this battle anymore tonight.

So, she kept her head in her hand out of shame, while her other hand traveled down into her pants.

 

~~

 

“When are you two going to get past this?” Ashlyn asked paired with an eye roll.

“When Alex stops being such a bitch.” Kelley said simply.

“You two need to chill.”

“She’s always up my ass about everything!”

“Well, who else is going to be?” Ashlyn asked.

“Hey! I get by fine by myself.” Kelley defended.

“No you don’t, you little shit.” Ashlyn laughed. “Alex is the glue to your life, man.” 

“No she’s not.” Kelley bitterly said.

“Sure. Tell her that when you have to sleep over at her house after the party.” Ashlyn smirked.

The smaller girl groaned. She hated doing this. She knew/knows that Alex had set her room up already for Kelley’s permanent residence, but she hated that her best friend was doing this to her now.

“She always has to give me shit about everything. ‘Kell, quit being a such a bitch about things. Kell, it’s just a uniform. Blah blah blah blah blah.”

“In fairness, you _were_ being a little bitch about that uniform thing” Ash said.

“Yeah, whatever.”

“I’m pretty sure Mittzy won’t like that you threw a fit like a little kid.” Ashlyn said with a smirk.

“Shut the fuck up, Harris.” Kelley said as she hit her in the head with a pillow. “This conversation if off-limits.”

“Yeah right, you think I care?” Ashlyn asked with a raised eyebrow. “Alex isn’t the only one who is going to call you out on your shit.”

“There’s nothing to call me out on.” Kelley pushed.

“Right, so I guess I can just look at the conversation between you and he-” Ashlyn said as she reached for Kelley’s phone. The smaller girl quickly slapped her hand away.

“That dirty, huh?”

“Shutup, Ash.” Kelley quickly put her phone in her pocket. “Mitts and I..it’s not a...it’s just...just shutup.”

Ash smirked, but her face softened. “Hey, but for real. You know you can always talk to me about...anything. Even your weird attraction to older women..”

“It’s not weird.” Kelley pouted as she clung onto her pillow like a little child, trying to find some comfort.

“Fine fine. But Mitts? Please tell me that you put a ball-gag in her mouth in bed. I hate her fucking voice.” Ashlyn said.

“Ash. Just stop. No.” Kelley shook her head.

“My sex life with Heather,” _Or lack thereof  "_ is not open for discussion. Okay? And it’s not weird.”

“It’s really not.” Ashlyn offered. “But dude. You need to reign it in when it comes to coach.”

Kelley choked on her spit and she sputtered and tried to compose herself.

“What are you talking about?” And it was too fierce, and too defensive. Plus, Kelley wore her emotions on her sleeve. And Ashlyn smiled softly while Kelley searched her eyes for the answer to how obvious Kelley was being.

“Hey.” Ashlyn put her hand on her friend’s arm to soothe her. “It’s okay. It’s common. It’s not that weird to be attracted to your coach.”

 

~~

 

Hope turned off the lights in her classroom for the kids to watch the sex ed film on sexually transmitted diseases.

  _They’re going to have fun with this one._

She pulled her chair out from the spare desk that was in the back of the classroom, and brought her work computer there. She often did this, hoping that her presence behind her students would discourage them to be on their phones. She knew it was futile, but it also gave her the freedom to look at her own phone and her laptop while the video played. _I’m a great role model._

She sat back and watched as many of her students put their heads down to go to sleep, or pulled out some homework for them to do during this blow off class. She herself was even starting to ponder of if she should take a nap.

But fifteen minutes in,Hope watched with narrowed eyes when her classroom door opened, and Ashlyn and Kelley walked in.

Hope quickly caught Ash’s attention and waved her over to the back of the class. Ash bent down so that her coach could whisper in her ear: “She’s studying. Don’t distract her.”

The younger goalkeeper looked glum and let her shoulders hang. “Can I at least sit by her?” Ashlyn asked in a small, defeated tone.

“So that you can distract her?” Hope asked with a smirk.

“So that I can help her study?” Ashlyn offered.

“Don’t bullcrap me, Ash.” Hope warned with the same smirk on her face. She took in the begging expression that her goalkeeper had on. “Fine. But you whisper so that you don’t distract others around you.”

“Ash.” Hope called out when the girl turned around to find Ali. Ashlyn turned back around.

“I mean it.” Hope said with a stern look. Ash winked at her coach, and Hope just shook her head.

Her eyes found Kelley, who looked like she was debating on whether or not she should follow her friend. Hope studied the way Kelley realized that there weren’t anymore desks by Ali, or anywhere else in the room. And unlike the many times she had crashed Hope’s class, she didn’t just sit on the floor with her teammate and gossip. She just stood there.

“You alright, little one?” Hope asked quietly. They still had to whisper since the video was still playing, and not to Hope’s surprise, a good portion of the kids were actually starting to listen when they heard the word ‘sex’ from the narrator in the film.

“Um. Yeah.” Kelley said with a small hint of fear as she turned to look at Hope fully.

“You can hang out here, while Ash strikes out again.” Hope chuckled at herself. She watched as Kelley looked around for an empty chair, and then decided to sit right on top of the table of her desk. The older woman felt it in her toes how close Kelley’s thighs were to her elbows that were on top of the desk, as well.

Hope pulled up her email to tear her eyes away. She pretended to read some lines of the first email she clicked, and hated that all she wanted to do was watch some porn right now to satisfy this horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach. But there was a student right next to her, and this was a work laptop. She would never do that. She would never watch porn on a computer laptop...again.

“Coach. Can I ask you a question?” Kelley asked as she fidgeted with the hem of her shorts.

“Wassup?”

“I...had a health question.” Kelley said carefully. “And..since you’re the health teacher, I figured you were the...appropriate adult for this kind of question I had.”

Hope narrowed her eyes. “Sure, little one.”

“So I have a friend.” Kelley started. “And she’s thinking about..oh god this is so fuc- nevermind.” Kelley mumbled.

“Alright, cap. Just spill it. I’m a health teacher and a professional. Let’s go.”

“Okay..well _my friend_ is thinking about...getting intimate” Kelley cringed at her choice of word. “With her...girlfriend. Or whatever. And...she doesn’t quite know...how to.”

Hope looked on with widened eyes, completely aware that she wasn’t hiding her emotions. She slowly sat back in her chair and folded her hands, trying to come up with ways to get out of this conversation. Because this was danger zone territory and she was skirting around the DMZ. But Kelley was biting her lip and waiting for her to respond. And she knew that her naivety and her innocence were not of any fault of her own. She was just curious, she was a teenager, and it would probably crush the poor girl if Hope had brushed her away when she had just opened up. And that was a very damaging thing to do. To reject a kid after they had opened up.

“Umm....” Hope blew a breath out. “Is your friend really...ready? Like is she _sure_ she’s ready? Are..they both ready?”

“Well the other girl is..older. And...has been with other people before. So..she’s ready.”

“But is your friend, ready?”

Hope watched Kelley search for the answer. And it pained her to know that she was getting a little window into her player’s sex life. Because it was enticingly off limits, and it was quite honestly a really vulnerable position that Kelley was putting herself in, asking Hope. That felt both sad, and amazing at the same time because it was doing something to Hope that it shouldn't have been doing. 

“She...thinks so.” Kelley offered.

“Well, if she’s ready...and both of them are a good pairing...then they’ll both figure it out.” Hope said. “Listen, there isn’t just one way to...” _I’m a fucking health teacher, I can say it, ya know. “_ Have sex with another woman. It’s kind of just..how your friend and that other girl..decide..is the best way.”

“I don’t know if that helped.” Hope said quietly.

“It did. I just...my friend is. Confused. And I’m just trying to help her out. But I don’t know what to tell her because I have no...experience in all of this.” Kelley shrugged her shoulders and looked back down at the hem of her shorts.

“Well, tell your friend that it’s totally natural to be confused. But that if the person is right, it’ll all be okay.” Hope warmly offered.

Kelley tilted her head to the side and something about the shy smile on Kelley’s lips were different.

It was the first time, Hope had seen this expression, or this emotion of her player’s face. Something about it was different from all of the other times Kelley had smiled at her. Something had flashed in her eyes, and she watched as Kelley’s tongue rolled over her lips. It was almost sultry. And coated with wanting. And Hope blinked as she tried her hardest to tell herself that it was all in her head.

“Kelley, come over here!” Ashlyn whispered loud enough.

Hope watched as Kelley swiveled in her spot and her legs parted so slightly, and her coach was staring at the seam in her denim shorts that split down in the middle of her seventeen year old student’s legs.

“What do you want?” Kelley whispered through clenched teeth at her friend.

And Hope grabbed bunches of her tracksuit pants and balled it in her fists, while she let herself think about what she _wanted,_ what she  _craved_. At this point, it was too hard, too unbearable, and too  _painful,_ to not think about that seam and what it was splitting in half.

Hope closed her eyes and put her head in her hand, just like she always did when she was trying to hide something, while her mind thought about Kelley grinding her folds into her thigh in the back of a classroom, with her shorts being the only thing separating them.

“I’m going to go and help her out.” Kelley whispered and put her hand on Hope’s injured shoulder.

Hope quickly looked up with a pained smile and nodded.

Because her shoulder wasn’t the only body part that was throbbing.

 

~~

 

Hope smiled lazily when Pam Morgan had handed her her fourth beer.

“This is your favorite, right?” Pam asked softly. And Hope knew that she had lost it when she thought that Pam’s tilt to her head and voice was starting to sound seductive. _I need to get my shit together._

“So yeah, I just think she’s a little lost. She’s been frustrated with her grades and teenager things you know. Boys, I could deal with.” Pam reassured her while they both stood by the grill and looked on while some of the parents get in line for Mike’s famous patties. “But, she shuts me down every time I want to talk about soccer.”

Hope nodded her head in understanding.

“Do you think that you can talk to her? I don’t want her to feel like i’m pressuring her, but nothing I say is going to be heard with daughter ears that hate her parents right now.” Pam grimaced.

“Yeah, I actually was going to have a talk with her.” Hope said.

“Please.” Pam begged. “That girl looks up to you.”

 

~~

 

Okay, did you see the way your dad was checking Coach Solo out?” Alex smirked as se turned to JJ.

“Stop being so gross. I hate you guys.” JJ pouted.

“Oh please. That man has no chance.” Crystal said with an amused expression while she munched on her burger. The girls were sitting around in the living room of Alex’s house, while the rest of the parents loitered the back patio.

“Okay guys, chill on my dad.” JJ ordered.

“Oh, it has nothing to do with your dad.” Crystal reassured her. “I mean just look at Coach.” Crystal said. And they all simultaneously leaned over to get a peek through the glass doors and get a look at the woman.

“What about her?” Mal asked, innocently.

“Oh c’mon guys.” Crystal looked on in disbelief in her teammates. “C’mon!”

“What?” Tobin asked, still confused.

“Alright guys.” Crystal sighed. “Look at her. The way she stands. The way she dresses. The way she....is.” She simply put.

“What about it?” Mal asked.

“Oh c’mon. Just imagine Coach Syd in the same outfit. Tight jeans, long sleeve shirt, and a leather jacket. With whatever Nike shoes those are.”

They all checked her out for a few seconds.

“...Would Syd wear that outfit differently...?” Crystal offered.

“I mean.. I guess so. Like Syd would have put on jewelry and wore these cute boots or something.” Alex offered.

“Yeah...because Coach Syd has a husband...” Crystal led on.

“So?” Kling asked.

“Coach Solo _never_ talks about men. Never! And she’s hot. Smoking.” Crystal said.

“So? What are you getting at, Crys?” Alex asked.

“She’s trying to say that coach is a lesbian!” Tobin yelled.

Ashlyn chuckled, while the rest of the team said “Oh!” and they each experienced their own epiphany.

“That makes sense.” Mal muttered to herself and then nodded.

“Alex!” Hope called out into the house. “Come here!”

“Oooooos” came from her teammates. Alex playfully winked at them before she got up and outside of her house.

“Hey, relax.” Ashlyn said when Kelley had rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “You have to sleep over here tonight. So make peace.”

 

~~

 

 

“So what’s this about you not wanting to play college ball?” Hope asked with an amused expression on her face.

She waited, while Alex’s frustration with her mom passed through her face, and then settled. They were standing off to the side with a beer in Hope’s hand and Alex looking down at her feet.

“Coach I..it’s just been getting hard to focus on school and soccer. And I don’t have much of a chance like Kell does. So...I don’t know...sometimes I think about not wanting to repeat this for another four years.”

Hope nodded in understanding.

“It’s exhausting.” Alex said with a sad expression. “And, I know I’m a disappointment an-”

“Whoa whoa, Al. No one said you were a disappointment.” Hope said as she looked at the girl with a reassuring smile. “In fact, I just came to tell you that I know you’re a smart kid, and I support whatever you decide. I mean...you are more than capable of playing at Berkeley..so to me, that shouldn't be something you're worried about. But it needs to be something _you_ want. Not your mom.”

Alex looked a little surprised. Because from the little she knew about her coach, her life's mission was to make sure that her and her teammates didn't make the same mistakes she did. Which, in Alex's mind, meant leaving the sport too early.

“Trust me, Al. I know that you have the right kind of head that will lead you to do whatever you want. So...that's why... I wanted you to be a co-captain.” Hope smiled brightly.

But it didn't last long. Because Alex Morgan looked distressed, if anything.

“Umm...you don't have to take it. I-if you don't want to...?”

“I don't want it, coach.” Alex quickly responded.

“Whoa, why?

Alex shook her head and looked to the side to avoid Hope’s stare. And after a few moments of silence, she let the answer wash over her and the realization set in deep.

“If the girl you were being co-captains wasn't who you think it was, would you accept this position? Hope asked softly.

Alex scrunched up her face in a painful expression and continued to avoid making eye contact. Hope watched her face while Alex looked at her shoes, and then eventually nodded.

“Well if that's the case, this appointment to captain isn't optional.” Hope said simply.

“WHAT?!?”

“You can't dim your star for someone else, kid.” Hope pushed. “And a best friend wouldn't let you do that.”

“Have you met Kelley?” Alex asked with a glare.

“Listen. You and her both need to work through this. You being captain, had nothing to do with her. It has all to do with YOU.” Hope tipped the bottleneck of her beer into Alex’s chest. “You're hardworking. You keep the team on track. You put the team's responsibility on your own back. Even when you weren't captain. And you reign in and keep your cool. I need the younger ones to see that level headed-ness.” 

Hope watched as Alex's face strained under her attempt to not get too excited.

“Kelley's going to hate me.”

“Well she shouldn't. And I'll talk to her.” Hope said reassuringly. “But this isn't about her kid. This is about you. And if you don't end up continuing soccer after this season, I'll support you. But I need you to help captain this team. Finish this out for me.”

“Okay coach.” Alex said as a small side tugged at the corner of her lips.

“Yeah? Good! I'm going to announce it soon. So celebrate. You deserve it.” Hope said with a kind smile.

Alex nodded and then Hope noticed the strained spring in her step on the way back into the house.

 

~~

 

It didn't go well. As expected.

When Hope had made the announcement and everyone had stood up to hug Kelley and Alex, Hope’s eyes followed the motions of the player with the most ego on her team (at least in front of the other girls). She saw the way Kelley avoided her best friends stares, let some of the parents hug her, and then excuse herself to the bathroom.

And then that's when Hope noticed that her parents were missing. The coach made meaningful eye contact with Alex but then communicated with her body to not worry and celebrate with her teammates. From the left side of her perspective, she saw the worried way Pam followed Kelley into the hall.

“Congratulations, Al.” Hope said warmly.

“Thanks, coach. Do you..you think she will be okay?” Alex asked quietly so that only the two of them could hear.

“She’ll live, Al. I’ll talk to her.” She said. Alex nodded and then turned around when Ash ordered her to shotgun a coke in celebration.

“I like it, Ash. Learn how to live. As long as it’s a coke.” Hope said with raised eyebrows.

Ash held up two coca cola cans and then Hope gave her two thumbs up before she quietly escaped the living room and into the hallways, where she saw Pam and Mike Morgan standing close and whispering to each other outside of a closed bedroom door.

“She won’t come out.” Pam said with a sad expression.

Hope nodded in understanding. Because she knew this was going to happen.

“Usually she comes out to talk to me, but..” Mike shrugged his shoulders.

“Coach, you should go in and talk to her.” Pam said when she pointed at the door.

“Yeah, okay. You guys know where Dan and Karen are?” Hope asked as she looked between them.

“Oh. They aren’t coming.” Pam said with a dark tone.

“Okay...” Hope hesitated. “Do you guys wanna..join me?” She asked as she pointed by the door.

“Oh no. She won’t open up if uncool parents are there.” Mike said. “We will give you guys some privacy.”

_Please don’t._

And she watched her lifelines walk off, and she was left feeling helpless while she took a while and stared at the the door. Because she needed to prepare herself and remember that she was this girl’s coach.

 

 

She opened it up to find Kelley sitting on what must have been Alex’s bed, with her legs crossed indian style, and her elbows on her legs while she silently sobbed into her hands. When Hope approached her, she could see the teardrops that were sliding down her arms. The older woman put her beer down on the nightstand to alert the girl of her presence, and also because having alcohol in her hand was probably not the smartest thing. She gently sat next to the girl.

“Kell.” She said softly.

“What did I do wrong?” Kelley cried through her hands. “What did I do to upset you??”

“You didn’t do anything, little one.” Hope soothed.

“Then why does it feel like it?” Kelley looked up, and Hope tried her hardest not to have her heartbroken by the tear stricken face of this little girl in front of her. “Why does it feel like I screwed up?! Again?!”

“Kell. You’re going to be 18 soon, cap. You have to learn how to celebrate others. Especially your best friend.” Hope pushed. She put her hands in the pockets of her jacket, to control any movements that she wanted to make.

“I’ve been captain. Me! I was supposed to lead this team!” Kelley said as she shook her head.

“You’re still captain, little one.” Hope said.

“Then why does it feel like you think I can’t handle it all by myself? I’m a senior now, I can do it!”

“Kell.” Hope chided. “Hey. You gotta learn that Alex’s happiness right now- her celebrating right now- is not about you. Okay? This is a _team sport._ This isn’t the Kelley show.”

Kelley rolled her eyes.

“And it tells me a lot about what kind of player you’re going to be, if you can’t _grow up_ and learn how to lift your other teammates up.” Hope warned. And it was harsh, but it also needed to be said. Coaching isn’t easy.

Kelley sprang up and marched to the door. But not before Hope shot her hand out of her pockets and grabbed Kelley by the wrist.

“Hey.” Hope said when she managed to get Kelley to turn around while she sat on edge of the bed, and held the girl in place, in front of her.

“You need to be happy for your best friend.” Hope whispered. “It’s not a request. I’m telling you. Because my two captains need to figure their shit out if we are going to get anywhere this season.” Hope growled.

Kelley turned around, but once again, Hope spun her back around by the wrist, and now the older woman was standing, towering over the young girl, to let her know she meant it.

“You are my best player. But this.” She let go of Kelley’s wrist and pointed up and down. “Is your biggest weakness. I can’t have my senior captain acting like a petty freshman because she found out the she’s sharing her candy with a teammate. And yeah, you may have the best kick and the fastest speed, but you need to work on other parts of the game that require this-” She pointed at Kelley’s forehead (her brain), “and this,” She pointed at Kelley’s heart, “to start working for the team.”

Kelley scowled into Hope’s chest which was right in front of her and then wiped the tears from her face.

“I just want to know why you don’t have any faith in me.” Kelley said sadly.

“I do!” Hope pushed.

“Then why do you get on my case more than the other girls?” Kelley asked. And she looked up at her coach with widened eyes, and Hope could feel the submission within the girl. That was a dangerous feeling.

“Cap, it-it’s. I just expect more from you. And you pull MORE SHIT than anyone else! I’m going to push you. Because I know you can do more.” Hope said as she took a half a step back. Because the girl was less than five inches away from her chest, and they were standing in a bedroom with a closed door. With parents on the other side.

“It just feels like nothing I do, can ever be good enough for you.” Kelley said sadly. And she took step towards Hope, completely unaware of the way Hope’s body tensed at that movement. “Okay, I know that I sometimes get out of line, b-but I’m working on that! I just want you to be proud of me, and-”

“I am proud of you, little one.” Hope said quietly, and sincerely.

Kelley wiped her eyes and looked at Hope with this _awe factor_. One that Hope used to see in the face of another girl in her lifetime. One that had altered the course of her life path. The older woman felt Kelley burrow into her chest and felt her arms wrap around her torso.

 

And it should have been an innocent hug.

 

It should have been.

 

But Hope had seen the stare, and she couldn’t look away, and neither could the seventeen year old that was clinging on to her body. And Hope had lived enough years on this Earth to know that the way Kelley was looking up to her (literally) and the tight hold she had on Hope’s body and her mind, was a death sentence. She saw the tiniest way Kelley’s eyes darted to Hope’s lips. They were standing there, with Hope's arms by her side, not willing to return whatever the fuck this was. Because if she did...if she did...

 

And then, Kelley was starting to stand on her tip toes. And Hope felt like now was a pretty good time to kill herself.

 

“Kelley.” Hope wriggled out of her embrace and stepped back with a furious glare. She wasn’t hiding the emotion this time.

“Don’t.” She ordered.

And Kelley had lived enough years on this Earth to know that she had just gotten rejected.

All Hope could hear was the ringing in her ears when Alex’s bedroom door slammed shut when Kelley had walked back out.

 

_I’m royally fucked._

 

~~

 

“Just drive, motherfucker.” Hope growled when Paul was about to speak.

“Where to?”

“The bar.” Hope ordered. She put on her seatbelt while her friend stepped on the gas.

“Whose house is that? Who’d you sleep with this time? There are a lot of cars out front.” Paul asked as he looked in the rear view mirror.

“It was my team’s beginning of the year party.”

“Oh yeah! That bloke hitting on you again? He was persistent, yeah?” Paul laughed.

Hope didn’t respond.

“Well, looked like the party wasn’t over. Why you leave so early?” He asked curiously.

“Why do you ask so many questions?” Hope sneered.

“Because this isn’t an appropriate way you should be leaving a parent’s party? Supposed to G-rated, innit?”

“Yeah, it’s _supposed_ to be.” Hope threw back.

Paul knew enough not to ask any more questions on the way to the bar.

 

~~

 

Kelley and Alex laid in their shared bed, both looking up at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry.” Kelley whispered.

Alex’s face softened as she looked over at her best friend. She turned on her side and studied Kelley’s face, which was still looking up.

“I’m actually _really really..._ happy for you.” Kelley said softly. On the last word, she looked at her friend.

“Why does it seem like that’s a lie?” Alex asked. She looked down.

“Because...I’m a fuckup.” Kelley shook her head. “And it took me to seriously fuck up in order to realize how awesome this is for you.” Kelley said sadly.

“It’s good, Kell. We will be doing this together. Just like we do everything.” Alex said softly.

“Yeah.” Kelley smiled. “I’m..selfish. And I was hurt because I thought coach was doing this to punish me. But, she told me that it wasn’t because of that. It was because you deserve it. We both do.” Kelley said with strength. “But you _do_ deserve it.”

“I need you by my side, little one.” Alex said softly. “I’ll always be there for you.”

She watched as her best friend’s face fell. She observed the way Kelley fidgeted with the ends of their blanket and then fidgeted with Alex’s shirt.

“You okay, Kell?”

Kelley looked at her for a long time.

“Al. I need to tell you something." Kelley said.

"Can you keep a secret?”

 

~~

 

 

“Hey, I don’t need you to be my fucking mom.” Hope growled.

 “Yeah well, I’m not cleaning up the rubbish of your fuckery, alright?” Paul growled back.

She rolled her eyes, and then got into the car of the girl at the bar that Hope had charmed after her eighth beer.

She brushed off his words and managed to block everything else out when her mouth was traveling up this random girl’s thigh. She aggressively threw her down into her bed and looked at the pretty young thing that had this sexy demure under Hope’s stare. She felt the familiar throbbing when the random girl moaned under her bite and became wet like a pool in Hope’s hands.

The older woman felt her heightened sense of touch when the other girl pulled down her underwear. And she felt a sigh of relief shiver down her whole body because _finally_ someone else was going to fuck her.

Hope looked down her torso to see the girl's face before she put Hope in her mouth, and she saw this submissive look and a question in the girl's eyes that seem to ask if she was doing the right thing. And the familiar sexual beast in her growled at the feeling of being in control. The older woman put her head back, closed her eyes, and then didn’t even fight off the mental image of Kelley O’Hara’s face being the one down there, in between her legs, bringing her to an _incredible_ orgasm.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Wretched (wretchedthorium.tumblr.com)


	3. My Fuckable Cinderella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope was thrown off a bit. There was no bite, no fight. Something was wrong. And she could feel it in her chest how unusual and defeated her tenacious captain usually was.

~~

 

_Fucking shit. What the-_

 

Hope squinted her eyes and cursed the Earth as she was subjected to an abhorrent mechanism of torture in the form of the sun burning literal (not literal) holes into her eyelids. It shining down the shame and the physical reminders of what she did last night. Her head was squeezing, her heartbeat pulsing, and she was pretty sure that the sour taste in her mouth _wasn’t_ because she had eaten out a rando a few hours ago. All of these physical symptoms were an undeniable punishment for being such a heathen and indulging in life’s worst (best) pleasures.

And then it occurred to her, that someone, other than herself, had pulled back the curtains.

She instantly shot up.

“Wow, you are everything a woman would want to wake up to.” A voice came from the corner of her bedroom. Hope’s neck cricked as she spun her head so quickly and she focused her vision on what could have potentially been an intruder.

And what her eyes saw... _damn._  If this woman was an intruder, in Hope’s opinion, she could take anything and everything. And if Hope could re-take her virginity back, she would give it to this woman, too.

“Fuuuuuck...” Hope breathed out as her eyes traveled from the woman’s long black hair, to her sumptuous red lips, to Hope’s faded and worn out FCB shirt, and the way it hung around the woman’s thin frame, and then her bare legs that went for miles and miles.

“Good morning to you, too.” The woman’s sultry voice called out. And she had this smirk on her face and her perfectly arched, jet black eyebrows cut through Hope’s insides and made it all melt into a pitiful puddle of jelly. And then Hope heard her low chuckle, and it was quite possibly the sexiest thing she had ever seen.

Then she saw that this mysterious woman had two cups of coffee in her hand. THAT was the sexiest thing she had ever seen.

“Thanks.” Hope muttered when the woman handed one to her.

“Yeah, no problem.” Mystery woman said, her eyebrow was still cocked and her eyes were ravaging the nerves in Hope’s skin as they traveled slowly over Hope’s exposed torso.

“You know, this pad is pretty big for a high school soccer coach.”

“Uh...” Hope desperately wanted to remember what she had told this mysterious, beautiful, and _intensely sexy_ woman who was standing right in front of her at the edge of her bed. She had these chocolate brown eyes and this vivacious stare that seemed to devour Hope, and all of her senses were attuned to what this woman was doing.

“Not very chatty are you?” Mystery woman asked. She had this expression, paired with a lip bite that was just _asking,_ provoking, begging Hope to fuck her.

“Are you a model?” Hope asked with narrowed eyes. And the former soccer player was growing increasingly aware of her knotted hair and the the overall disheveled and unsexy appearance of her body. But she didn’t move. Because right now was not the moment for her to reveal any sign of insecurity.

Mystery woman laughed.

“You were that drunk, huh?”

“Yes.” Hope admitted before she took a sip of her coffee. “But I OBVIOUSLY made good decisions last night.” Hope’s eyes trailed up and down her body, again.

“Oo. You’re _good,_ Solo.” She said it with a intense eyes.

“I’ve never heard someone say my name, quite that sexy.” Hope said. “But..how do you know my name?”

“Ha! Even better!” Mystery woman chuckled. She gulped her coffee, put the empty cup on the nightstand and then got up to gather her things which were in the corner of the room.

“So, you said that I could borrow this shirt last night, since ya know...” She shrugged, “you kinda tore my top in half..so I’m going to take it.” She had these slanted eyes that were filled with allure and she bit her lip again.

“Maybe you’ll get it back one day.” She winked at the woman who was still sitting still in the bed.

Hope watched with her mouth wide open while the woman slowly slipped on a tight black skirt and grabbed her heels in her hand. She slung her purse over her shoulder, shot Hope a smile, and then made her way for the door.

“Whoa! Wait!” Hope got up from her bed, completely naked. “What’s your name? Can I-can I see you again?”

Mystery woman chuckled, but she walked out the door, and Hope followed.

“Can I get a name? A phone number? Anything?” Hope pushed. And she had a bright smile on her face. Because Mystery (her nickname in Hope’s head) was a sexy, playful, and teasingly fuckable, and Hope was digging into the depths of that deplorable part of her mind that remembered what this woman’s face looked like when Hope’s fingers were inside of her. She couldn’t remember, but she couldn’t let this woman go that easily.

“Wow, Solo. You didn’t seem that drunk.” Mystery said as she stopped at the front door. “I guess that’s what made you so sexy. You had your shit together, on that sixth shot.”

“Let’s do it, again.” Hope said with a smirk.

“I don’t know..” Mystery had a smirk on her face.

“C’mon. I had to be pretty good in bed..right?” Hope asked, and for a second she doubted it, because she was _really fucking drunk._ More so than her usual, tamed, alcoholism.

“You were...incredible.” Mystery said. And it was the first time that the woman had a softness about her. She put her hand on Hope’s bare chest, right on her heart, bit her lip, and then kissed Hope gently. Softer than she thought was possible from this woman that she had known for less than 24 hours. Because everything about her was intense, calculating, and purposeful. But this kiss was soft and calming.

Hope opened her eyes when she heard her front door open and she saw Mystery walk through.

“Hey! C’mon. You can’t do that to me!” Hope said with a sad smile.

“Tell me this, Solo.” Mystery shouted out. She turned to face Hope and walked backwards to look at the naked woman. “Are you single?”

_Very._

“Yeah.” Hope shouted out.

Mystery smiled and then nodded to herself.

“Fine. I left you a glass slipper.” She said. And then she got into a car that Hope didn’t recognize, and drove away without any explanation.

 

~~

 

“What the fuck is a glass slipper??” Hope asked as Sydney taped a bag of ice to her shoulder.

“I don’t know, but you got yourself a girl that talks in riddles. I wish I was a lesbian.” Sydney said as she slapped on the last piece of tape.

“Are you two, serious?” Carli asked with rolled eyes.

"Yeah! Men are too simple.“ Sydney said with a wave of her hand.

“What do you think, Car?” Hope asked.

“Glass slipper. Uh...talk about the story that every girl learns when they are like five!” Carli said.

“Oh shit! You’re right.” Sydney said with a wide eyes.

“What the fuck are you two talking about?” Hope asked with a grimace as the cold started seeping into her bare skin.

“Can you put a shirt on?” Carli asked with a shake of her head. “Those cross country boys are going to come in here.”

“They don’t come in till’..” Hope looked at her watch. “Like fifteen minutes. Chill, Car.”

Carli shook her head.

“This is the training room. I’m getting therapy.” Hope says as she pointed at Sydney.

“One of these days, FIFA.” Carli warned.

“Anyways!” Hope said with a glare. “What are you two talking about?”

“Cinderella! You dumbass!” Sydney said.

“Yeah Solo, I know you had a rough childhood, but I know you didn’t live under a rock!” Carli said as she rustled through the drawers where all of the medicines and tapes, and anything you could think for sports health, was located.

“I hate you, Car.” Hope deadpanned. “Fine! Yes, Cinderella. A hot, lesbian, fuckable Cinderella.”

“I wonder if she left a LITERAL glass slipper. White girls are crazy” Sydney said as she snatched the roll of tape that Carli had attempted to steal.

“You know, I don’t think she was white.” Hope said thoughtfully.

“Ooo. What she look like?” Carli asked, her interest piqued.

“I don’t know..black hair, olive skin, i don’t know...hot.” Hope shrugged.

“Mmhm. Sounds a lot like Sasha.” Carli mumbled.

Hope glared at her.

“So, you going to bang her again?” Sydney smirked.

“Def-”

They all turned at the sound of the heavy training door being turned open, and Hope instantly tensed at the thought of one of the cross country boys coming in and seeing her with only a pair of shorts and sports bra on.

“Hey Syd, I-” Kelley stopped mid sentence, eyes widened, and then turned right back around. Hope stared at the closed door.

“Well that was weird.” Carli muttered.

“I wonder what that was about. She loves me.” Sydney pouted.

“Yeah. No." Carli said with a frown. “I’m her favorite.”

And Hope. She kept quiet. Because the whole weekend, she had forgotten about Kelley O’Hara and the angry, primal, lascivious thoughts that made her want to claw her eyes out back at the Morgan house. The mysticism of Mystery had consumed her thoughts and the drunken binge had pushed back the unspeakable moment into the back of her mind  

But within two seconds of seeing her _underage_ student/player, those thoughts and their associated feelings came rushing back. And they sat right there, in between her legs, manifesting into a desperate plea for Hope to do something about this carnal desire to decimate this girl’s innocence. Kinds of feelings that made Hope grip the edge of the table that the athletes usually sat on to get their ankles taped. Ones that rendered her immobile as she sat in between two of her really good friends, while they talked about the source of Hope’s grueling plight.

_She’s seventeen. Stop it._

“Whatever. It’s settled. Hope’s first, I’m second, and you’re a good contender for the bronze medal.” Syd smirked.

“Fine. Yo FIFA, so are you going to bang Mystery, again?” Carli asked as she tried to swipe another roll of tape from the trainer’s stash.

“Huh?” Hope asked, clearly not listening to the conversation going around her.

“Mystery.” Syd pushed. “Are you going to bang her again?”

_Kelley's a student. I'm her coach._

Then for a split second, Hope thought about the disreputed act that she carried off in the privacy of her car after seeing a certain seventeen-year-old in her sports bra.

“Definitely.” Hope said.

 

\--

 

“You can go fuck yourself in the ASS, if you think I’m going to let you do this. She’s older! This isn-this isn't going to go well, Kell!” Alex said, her mouth full of venom. She grabbed her pair of keys that were in Kelley’s hand while they stood in the school parking lot.

Kelley shoved her hands angrily in the pocket of her hoodie, and her face was getting red with fury as Alex’s volume was raising.

“Are you a fucking idiot?!? You JUST got the captain title! And then you think that you can pull this type of SHIT?!” Alex said as she walked off in the direction of the main doors.

“Shut up, Alex.” Kelley said, her tone a little more quieter, but she was hot on Alex’s heels. “Don’t act so high and mighty now that you’re captain, too. I’ve held that shit a lot longer than you and there’s a reason for that. So fucking cool it!”

Ash and Tobin, who were a good ten yards in front of Alex, widened their eyes at that statement. They could see the way the frustrated girl’s face went blank for the second that she processed the statement. Afterwards, they could see the way her eyes narrowed and her firsts balled, and the way the anger shook throughout.

But she didn’t shout. She didn’t scream. She didn’t scold.

Alex turned around to face Kelley, who registered that her best friend wasn’t going to fight, like usual.

“Wow, Kell.” Alex whispered. “Tell me how you really feel, huh?”

“Al.” Kelley sighed. “I didn-”

“FUCK YOU. Don’t come around when you get back.” Alex said sadly. And she turned on her heel and left Kelley to castigate the child she was being. Because it was coming from a good place. With Alex, it was always sourced from a good place.

“Look, I’m going to give you these,” Kelley looked down at the keys to Ash’s truck that the keeper had thrusted into her hand, “on the condition that you apologize for being the ACTUAL WORST.”

The forward rubbed the frustration out of her eyes, heaved an exasperated sigh, and then nodded her head in defeat.

“Hey. I mean it.” Ash leaned in closer so that only the two of them could hear. “I’m calling you out on your shit. That was fucked up.”

“Why do you always side with her?” Kelley growled.

“Was it fucked up?”

“...yes.” Kelley hung her head.

“Then why are you asking me why I’m siding with her?” Ashlyn asked in a low tone.

“Because!” Kelley raised her hand to her face and then balled them into fists. “Ughh. Ash! She said that she would help me with this! This shit is tough! I-I-I’ve never done this before!”

“Yeah, but doing this?” Ash asked with a look full of bewilderment. “I mean-look. Little one, you can do anything you want. I’m not going to stop you. Make your mistakes, do your thang, and Alex and I may disagree on how to handle and interpret your fucked up decisions, but if you ever fucking talked to me like that, dude...”

“I get it.”

“Good.” Ash pushed. “Because by the end of the day, she better come to me, telling me that you apologized.”

“Okay.”

“Yo you guys!” Tobin yelled. “I’m going to go head to coach’s office!”

“What for?” Kelley asked curiously.

“Gotta talk to her ‘bout some stuff.” Tobin shrugged.

“We’ll go with you.” Ash said.

“Um..I’ll stay here. Gotta find Alex.” Kelley said resolutely.

“Yeah. She has to find Al, and I gotta talk to her..in private, so ya know.” Tobin said as she looked at her feet.

“Alright, dude.” Ash said, regarding her with curiosity. But she let it go. For now. And turned back to scold her other best friend.

 

 

~~

 

“Tobito!” Hope yelled through a mouth full. “Want a dorito?” She held out her bag for her favorite player and grinned when Tobin grabbed a chip.

“Hehehe. Good one, Solo.” Syd chuckled as she grabbed a handful out of the bag.

“Um..coach?” Tobin was rubbing the back of her neck. Hope and Sydney looked at each other. “Do you think that I could uh..talk to you...for a sec?”

Sydney popped up from her spot on Hope’s desk. “Don’t mind me, I need to get back to work, anyways!” And she gave Tobin a squeeze on the shoulder before she left.

“What’s up, Tobey?” Hope said as she brushed her and Syd’s lunch aside.

The midfielder sat in the comfortable chair across from her coach, and rubbed the upholstery on her fingertips, hoping that the conversation would go as smooth as the material rubbing against her hands.

“Tobs? You good?” Hope asked with one raised eyebrow.

The midfielder pursed her lips and then felt her heart beat out of her chest.

“Coach...I...this is...hard.” Tobin said. And her voice was shaking. And Hope was starting to get really worried.

“Whatever it is, I’m here, kid.” Hope said quietly.

“I haven’t talked to my parents about this...”

Hope gulped.

“There’s this uh...dude. He uh..he asked me out the other day.” Tobin said as she put her hands in her lap and picked at her nails.

“Oh. Um...okay.” Hope blinked five times in a row before continuing, “That’s good...yeah?”

“Um..” Tobin started to scratch as her head. “It is...right?”

Hope’s face fell when she recognized that familiar fear. The one that was embedded around Tobin’s cautious eyes and stirred the callow uncertainties and confusing feelings that used to plague Hope’s mind as an adolescent. Etched within the worry lines on Tobin’s face was the questions, the shame, and distress that was all too familiar.

“Only if you want to go with him.” Hope said softly.

“I don’t-I don’t..know.” Tobin said helplessly. And the she looked behind her to make sure there was no one else in the office. “I don’t know if I want to go out with him.”

“Well, it’s okay if you don’t.” Hope said quickly. “You don’t have to date, kiss, or _like_ anyone that you don’t want to.”

“I mean, he’s a really good guy.” Tobin offered. Hope nodded. “He’s everything I would want. What I _think_ I would want.”

“Okay.” Hope nodded with a smile.“Then what’s the issue?”

“I don’t know.” Tobin shook her head. “Sorry. I..I don’t know. I don’t know anyone else I can talk to about anything..like this. I know...lame.”

Hope chuckled to lighten the mood.

“Kid. I’ll always be here.” Hope said with her tone soft, but her words strong. “If there’s-If you feel like you can’t talk to-I don’t know, any of you friends, or your teammates, I’m here. I know I’m probably not the coolest,” Hope smirked at that, “But I..I _care._ I care about you as a player, student, and person.”

“Thanks, coach.” Tobin smiled.

“I guess I just...don’t know.” Tobin chuckled. “There’s a lot I don’t know. About myself.”

“That’s okay.” Hope quickly reassured. She wanted this girl to feel an ounce of safety that she was unable to feel back when she was a kid. “It’s okay if you don’t know, or if you need to find out, or anything like that.”

Tobin slowly nodded.

“I’m going to get out of your hair, coach. But, thanks.” Tobin sprang out of her chair and quickly exited Hope’s office.

The soccer coach let out a big breath when she heard the door click shut.

 

\--

 

“Solo!” She heard from down the hall. She turned to see Jerramy’s tall figure jogging towards her.

“Jer. What’s up?” She asked.

“What’s up with you? You look like hell.” He said with a chuckle as they walked down the hall.

“I had a real intense conversation with a student.” She said as she shook her head.

“Did you chew them out?” He asked excitedly.

“No.” She chuckled. “It wasn’t like that. It was one of those...life...conversations.”

“Ah. Guiding the youth.” He said in understanding. “Looks like you need a break.”

“I do!” She groaned.

“Well” He dragged out the word, “I was wondering if you and Syd, and good ol’ Carl, would want to go out drinking one day after school?”

“Yeah, sure.” Her voice was a little higher than usual. She could feel the strain her body, because she still couldn't tell what his intentions were.

“Cool.”

“What about, Richards? You don't go drinking with him?” Hope asked curiously.

Jerramy groaned.

“All that dude talks about is baseball!”

Hope nodded. It was true.

“Most of these dude teachers are pretty.. ridiculous.” She said.

“Yeah and they all have a crush on you.” He said quietly.

“Yeah.” She nodded. “Frost hits on me every year. That gross 60 -year-old vet forgets every single time I tell him that I told him the previous year that he has no chance.”

“DANG! Frost got some cajones!” He yelled.

“He's a nasty old-”

Hope stopped when they heard the fervent hissing of someone's angry voice around the corner.

Hope put her hand out to stop her coworker, and she peaked her head out to see what was going on. Not wanting to intrude if another teacher was out in the hall, chewing a student out.

But it was just O’Hara.

Hope could see Kelley staring into some classroom, making wild gestures and whispering, “Get out here, now! I’m serious!”

“O’Hara.” Jerramy called out.

Hope could see Kelley’s body freeze at the call of her name. And the soccer coach reluctantly followed the football coach when he approached the student.

“What are you doing out here, O’hara?” He asked sternly.

“Coach Stevens...I'm just trying to...um-”

“Trying to what O’hara?” Jerramy asked.

“Trying to get her attention. I needed to drop her off her uh-um her-”

“O’Hara, if you're skipping class, you know that's straight for suspension, right? The football coach asked sternly.

“No, coach! I wasn't skipping!”

“Really? Because it kinda looks like you're not where you are supposed to be.”

“Coach I-”

“Jer, I just had that ‘meeting’ with her.” Hope said quietly.

He turned around to look at her and he could see that both of them were looking at her with a confused face.

“Huh?” He asked. Hope leaned into his ear. “You know, that intense conversation I had with a student?” She whispered and nodded towards Kelley, who were looking at them with scrutinizing eyes.

“Oh!” He whispered. Then he looked guilty. And shrugged his shoulders.

“Cap, lets go to my office, I'll write you a pass.” Hope said without looking at her.

Hope waved to him as they walked back to her office, and she could hear Kelley's shuffled footsteps behind her on the way back to her classroom. But her curiosity was getting the better of her. It always did when it came to Kelley O’Hara. And when she scanned the hallway to make sure it was just them too, she veered off the path and turned into the staircase and stopped to face her player.

“What were you doing?” She asked quietly.

“Nothing.” Kelley said with downcast eyes.

“Do you want to try again, or do you just want me to write you up?” Hope challenged.

“Just write me up.” Kelley said sadly.

Hope was thrown off a bit. There was no bite, no fight. Something was wrong. And she could feel it in her chest how unusual and defeated her tenacious captain usually was. Something wasn’t right.

“Hey. What's wrong?” Hope asked gently, and she pushed the memories of last Friday’s encounter aside, because it seemed like something was genuinely affecting this kid.

“Nothing. I was trying to get Alex's attention.” Kelley said, her eyes still glued to her shoes. “I just wanted to..apologize to her. For my behavior.”

“Okay. That's good.” Hope nodded her head. Her captains were reconciling. “Could you have done this in between class, though?

“Yes ma'am.” Hope blinked at that. Kelley had never once called her ma'am.

 _Is this about Friday?_ And for Hope, she honestly wasn’t too sure how she was going to handle all of this. Because the sight of Kelley in the morning had her all riled up, and she spent her time during her classes reassuring herself that the situation was viewed a lot differently from the girl’s perspective.

_She probably wasn’t trying to- No. This is all in my head. I’m the one who is fucking fucked up in the head right now. She probably is interpreting all of this...SHIT...differently than I am. Because she’s a kid. Because she’s probably not aware of what she’s doing. She doesn’t have any experience, like she said. Kelley was just upset that I made Alex captain, too. That’s why she walked out. That’s probably why she’s this sad._

“Little one. What is going on with you?” Hope asked.

“Nothing, coach. I’ll get to class. I'm sorry.” Those hazel eyes still studying her shoe.

“Okay.” Hope resigned. “Did you need me to still write you that pass?”

“No. O’Reilly won’t care” Kelley said sadly.

“Little one.” Hope whispered. And she hesitantly pulled Kelley’s chin up with her index finger. “I'll see you after school at practice?”

But Kelley didn't respond. She just shuffled away.

And Hope stood in her spot for a long time, wondering if she would ever get it right with that kid.

 

~~

 

 **KO** : I tried. I swear. Almost got in trouble trying to talk to her. 1:15pm

 **KO** : I won't fuck it up. I swear. 1:17pm

Ash pulled out her phone and read the two text messages aloud to her best friend and then rolled her eyes.

 _“T_ ypical.” Tobs said as she shook her head.

“Ash.” Alex said with a sigh. “Coach is going to be out here, any second. Please.” She pointed at the phone.

Ash nodded her head and sprinted over to their bags and dropped it in. She rejoined the girls were going through their usual dynamic warmup.

“Butt kicks!” Alex called out. And the team followed in a straight line while the stretched out until the 18-yard box.

 _“_ Hey Tobs. You okay buddy? How did your talk with coach go?” Ash asked as she nudged her friend in the shoulder.

“What's up?” Tobin asked, distractedly.

“Are you alright? You seem.. I don't know. Worried about something, maybe?”

“Nah. I'm good.”

“Okay.” Ash said, wholly unconvinced and actually really desperate to get one of her best friends to talk to her. But she knew that sometimes people needed space. That was the best thing you could do for them. Because whatever war Tobin was waging in her head, she knew the anatomy of Tobin’s mind and of her mannerisms, and that the best dose of medicine for this particular girl was space and silence.

“Well hey. I'm here.” Ash said with a pat. And they transitioned into lunges at Alex’s command.

“You're here for everyone.” Tobin said with a genuine smile as she lunged forward with her hands on her hip.

“Doesn't mean I'm not here for you any less.” Ash smiled. “Plus, you don't fuck up as much as Kelley does.”

“True.” Tobin smirked.

“Oh shit.” Ash heard Alex mutterr under her breath at the sight of their coach walking up to them.

“What do you think she's going to do?” Tobin whispered to Alex.

“No fucking clue.” Alex said through her teeth. And the captain was starting to feel the nerves and she could hear her heartbeat thump on the walls of her body. She continued to lead the warm up, but she could see the way her coach was surveying the field like only a former professional soccer goalkeeper could.

“Morgan!” Her coach yelled out.

“Shit.” Alex muttered.

“Where's your partner in crime?” Alex noticed the way the woman's eyes were narrowed. And they were analyzing the body language of her new captain.

“I don't know, coach.” Alex shrugged. But she knew that the shakiness and the frailty in her usual commanding tone had given her away. The way coach was looking at her made her cheeks go numb and she could tell that this wasn't over.

“Okay.” Hope said. “Girls. Quick drink and then we’re going to do two team, two ball possession in the box. Let's go!”

The girls all jogged to get the water bottles that Mal had brought out, but Alex could _feel_ coach Solo’s eyes on her.

And her gut feeling that her coach was not going to let this go, proved right when the girls had gone into a scrimmage and she had been chosen to sit out. Something that had never happened. Ever. Alex could feel the fear of her coach’s analytical stare and eventual disappointment at the stunt she was pulling settle in her bones. She stood on the sideline and bit her nails in anticipation, as her coach sat on her three legged stool, a good five yards away from her.

“So you want me to give my new captain another chance to tell me the truth of O’hara’s whereabouts?” Hope asked without looking at her. The woman was still observing the game, when Alex shifted closer to her, the guilt laden within her heavy steps.

But Alex still hadn't come up with what to say. Because she was too preoccupied with the fantasy of smashing her best friend’s head into a wall. Because she was doing this for her, again. Covering up for her, again. Letting her do whatever she wanted, again.

“Alex. I'm not going to make you run.” Hope said. And the forward sighed with relief. “I'm just really disappointed in you.”

And Hope turned back to the game, while Alex’s heart fell out of her chest and she sat down in her pool of misery.

_This is what being Kelley's friend always feels like._

Alex wiped a small tear from her left eye and pretended to watch her teammates battle it out, while really, she was catching glimpses at her coach, wondering how she could fix this and stay loyal. Because it was absolutely wonderful to have Kelley O’Hara as her friend, yet vexing at the same time.

_You can't dim your star for someone else, kid._

_“C_ oach?” Alex small voice called out.

“Yes, Al?” Hope called back.

“The college cup final is today.” Alex said. Her coach’s head whipped around curiously.

“Yeah I know, Al.” Hope said softly.

“Do you know where it's at?”

“In Atlanta.” Hope called out mindlessly and she turned back to observe Tobin carry the ball down the sideline.

“Do you know who is playing?” Alex asked, her voice timid.

“Yeah. Florida and...”Hope slowly realized what she was saying and who she was talking to and she turned her head back around to see Alex nodding at her.

“Stanford.” Alex said strongly.

“Stanford.” Hope repeated slowly. She enunciated every syllable, realizing what her captain was trying to communicate.

Alex frowned at her coach.

“Yeah. Stanford. And Florida.” Alex said slowly.

“Right.” She heard her coach say. “Well, Al. Go and sub for Christen.” Alex noticed that she said it in a defeated tone.

Alex nodded and then didn't turn around as she sprinted to take her teammate off the field.

 

~~

 

Hope rubbed the small space in between her brows, hoping that this was the pressure point to get rid of all the stress that crawled onto her body and seemed to have made a home.

 _My first practice with my_ _captains, and I have one that is lying to me, and the other that feels like they're entitled to skip._

She laughed at herself for feeling so bogged down with frustrations from these teenage girls, but it was tolling. Kelley was tolling.

The girls had actually mentally showed up for practice and it was smooth. Few good laughs here and there with the girls. Hope appreciated Alex’s riddled admission, and Tobin’s trust in her to let her into this unnecessarily tormenting time in her life.

But Kelley. She was different.

_After I had just saved her ass from skipping a class, that girl had the fucking audacity to skip the rest of the day to go to a college cup final._

And if it wasn't for the fact that it was Florida, Hope would have actually let the fact that a student skipped to go see a _futbol_ event, go. Because, hey you only live once, and this was the first time the event was held in Georgia.

But Hope knew that Kelley's intentions weren't just to watch the game.

“Yo! You need to a beer. Now!” Carli said as she barged into her office.

“Please.” Hope sighed. “Carry me.”

“I'll drive, FIFA.”

“What about my car?” Hope asked.

“Do you want to drive home drunk?” Carli asked with raised eyebrows.

“Okay. You drive.”

 

~~

 

“I'm just saying. Open yourself up.” Carli said as she took a big swig of her beer.

“Car. I will-I don't know-I can handle this.” Hope said.

“Oh I know what handling means to Hope Solo.” Carli deadpanned. “That's not what I'm saying to do. At all.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that it's been a really long time, FIFA.” Hope didn't like where this was going. She put her head down on the table. “Hey. It wouldn't be a crime if you fucked the girl AND made her breakfast in the morning.”

“Car. I haven't even fucked a chick since like eight months other than Mystery.” Hope said with an exasperated tone. “Alright? I've..relaxed.”

But her choice of word was far from the truth.

“Okay. But if you see this girl again, would you blow her off like all of the other un-texted girls in your phone?”

Hope rolled her eyes.

“Car. You're mom-ing me again.”

“I'm just saying.” Carli took another big sip. “I want you to be happy. At the base of it all, I want you to be happy.”

Hope smiled at her.

“You're drunk” she smirked.

“A little.” Carli conceded. “But doesn't mean I don't mean it.”

Hope nodded. And then she looked away so that the urge to cry wouldn't be so strong.

 

~~

 

“Does he know?” Sydney asked with widened eyes.

“I mean he should, right? Everything about FIFA is GAY.” Carli said.

“Yeah, but I thought it was like an ‘out’ thing. Like I thought, she was open about it?” Sydney asked as the two watched Hope and Jerramy casually talking by the bar.

“She is out.” Carli reinforced.

“Then why does bro think he’s get a chance?” Syd pushed.

“He’s not seriously...is he?” Carli asked and she tilted her head to the side and narrowed her eyes as she observed their coworker.

“You need to stop drinking. Because you’re brain isn’t working. Look at him!” Sydney pointed at the football coach. “He’s putting on the mac on our precious lestie!” Sydney indignantly hushed.

“Lestie?” Carli asked with a scrunched up nose. “Dude. You’ve been drinking way too much.”

“Lesbian best friend!” Sydney said, so frustrated with Carli’s un-hip mind. “Get with it Lloyd!”

“Where in the-Where did-what?” Carli asked in disbelief.

“I don’t know. I heard Crystal call Tobin that the other day when I was chatting with her.” Sydney said with a shrug, and smirked, completely satisfied that she was clearly the superior, cooler, coach.

“Wait..oh my god..that’s so cute. Little Tobs.” Carli said with a pout..

“I know!” Sydney squaled. “But I think she’s...ya know...”

“What? Struggling?” Carli asked.

“Yeah...Jesus-y.” Sydney said thoughtfully.

“Ooooooo.” Carli said.

The two friends looked up when the other two members of their group rejoined their table.

“Did you know that Dorito is lesbian?” Carli asked her best friend.

“Who is Dorito?” Jerramy asked.

“Guys.” Hope closed her eyes and shook off the frustration. “Let’s NOT talk about the kids. Personal stuff, ya know!”

“Oh fuck off Solo! I know you know.” Sydney said with a smirk.

“Who is Dorito?!” Jerramy asked once again.

“Guys...” Hope had her infamous bitch face plastered on and aimed at everyone. “You know I can gossip. But not about _this._ Let’s try to be adults. Please.”

“Fine. Change of subject. When are you going to see Mystery again?” Syd asked with a devilish glint in her eye.

“Who’s Mystery? Shit! I’m a fucking loser, no one tells me shit.” Jerramy said and put his head down.

“Calm your-Chill bro. Mystery is the woman that Hope banged the other night.” Carli said with a smirk.

Sydney watched the football coach’s face to gauge his reaction. Carli put her head down to stifle a growing laughter that was waiting to burst from behind her lips.

“Oh..you..” Jerramy tilted his head. Sydney’s shoulders rose with the chuckle bubbling in her body.

“I don’t know when I’m going to see her, guys!” Hope said with frustration.

“Alright. Chill FIFA.” Carli put her hand on her best friend’s shoulder. “Syd and I just really want you to land,” Carli cringed at her choice of words, “this woman.”

“Right Jer?” Carli asked him with raised eyebrows.

“Uh-Um...yeah.” He said and then took a huge gulp of his beer.

Sydney met Carli’s eyes and smirked.

“It doesn’t matter, guys.” Hope said sadly. “It doesn’t-I don’t even know her name!” Hope yelled out in frustration.

“Yeah. I thought Mystery was a weird name...” Jerramy added quietly.

“So?” Carlie shrugged. “You’re FIFA. I’m sure that girl is going to come back. You guys met here, right?”

Hope nodded slowly. Then she looked over at the bar at the bartender who wasn’t talking to her. At the sight of him, she was starting to remember all of the words thrown at each other. And then she remembered what happened before she called him to pick her up.

There was no winning.

“Yeah...This is where I met her but-”

“But nothing. How old was she?”

_Fuck..... I don’t even know how old she was. But. No. She was at the bar, drinking. So, I’m in the clear._

“I don’t..Shit..I don’t know.” Hope mumbled.

“Were you really that drunk?!?” Carli asked in disbelief.

“Oh yeah!” Sydney said. And everyone gave her a confused look. “What? That’s just what Paul told me.” She shrugged.

“Can you and Paul just-I don’t know-quit talking about me?” Hope asked.

“No.” Sydney simply said. “Okay, that man and my husband are butt buddies. I swear, I see Dom with him more times in a day than without him.”

“Well then, why do I feel like he’s always on my ass, bugging the shit o-”

Hope looked down at her pocket and rolled her eyes, too frustrated to finish the sentence, and she mindlessly pulled out her phone when she felt it vibrate.

 **Olivia** : I was going to wait till next friday to text you, so you’re drunken ass would realize that you’ve had the glass slipper in your hand this whole time. But I’m really fucking horny... 11:23pm

Hope’s eyes widened and she put her drink down. Because she had just found out what the glass slipper was.

“I gotta go.” Hope said quickly.

“Wait, what?” Sydney asked, confused as to why Hope was grabbing up her jacket.

“FIFA, I was your ride.” Carli said with a glare. “I’m not ready to-”

The soccer coach shoved her phone in her best friend’s face and Carli squinted her eyes to get a better read on what exactly she was looking at.

“Whoa,whoa, whoa!” Sydney yelled when the two pair of friends were already halfway to the door. “Is someone going to clue me in?”

Hope dashed back to the table to chug the last half of her beer.

“I’m going to go get some.” Hope said as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

“From who?”

Hope smirked.

“My fuckable Cinderella.”

 

\--

 

“I shouldn’t have let you drink this much. Nor this late.” Carli said, clearly disappointed in herself.

“Carl. I’m fine. Trust me.” Hope said.

“How many did you have?” Carli asked as she drove. “I need to know, because I don’t want you to die, or kill someone else.”

“Dude. Like four.” Hope said with a wave of her hand. _Six. And a shot. And another one._

“FIFA..” Carli sighed.

“Do you really want to have to pick me up after?” Hope asked with a smirk.

“No.” Carli said with a disgusted look on her face.

“Car. I’m good.” Hope said seriously.

“Fuck.” Carli shook her head. “Are you sure?”

Hope looked down at the address that she had just received in a text message.

“Oh. I’m sure.”

 

\--

 

Kelley cuddled into her Florida sweatshirt and rubbed the sides of her arms as her tennis shoes hit the pavement. She looked out onto the perfectly manicured lawns and the identical houses that lined the street. She couldn't see far into the front windows, but she was sure each house had a family gathered around in their living rooms, living cohesive lives, and laughing around the dinner table as one unit. Perfect mom, perfect dad, perfect children. All living in this perfect little town.

She looked down at her shoes and tried to step on the faces of this imaginary portrait family in her head.

Kelley felt the chilly breeze, and she cursed the fact that she only had time to grab a random pair of shorts that..

She looked down at them.

_Fuck. They're not even mine._

Her pale skin looked like raw chicken as the breeze continued to settle into her bones and chill her every cell. And the coldness wasn't helping the bitterness.

_I'm always wrong. It's always my fault._

She rubbed her ears, hoping that her extremities would warm on their own, and that she didn't just make the decisions the she had just made.

She couldn't even let herself think about what she assumed would be the disapproval of Alex's face, or the disappointed way Ash would dip her head and avoid her stare. Because Kelley was on the brink of being unwound and exposed out here in the cold.

Her lips were quivering and she was scrunching her eyes, hoping that tears wouldn't fall because then it would be colder. And the pain between her legs was throbbing and she was pretty sure that the blood that had leaked out of her was staining this random person’s shorts.

_Oh well. They're mine now._

But she couldn't think about her friends not because of the physical pain. But because of the cyclone of emotions ravaging her mind. Embarrassment, disgust, shame, and inadequacy.

She wished that her mom could hold her tight and feed her hot chocolate, or that her dad could light a fire in their living room and tell her embarrassing stories of her younger days. She wished that she could have her unattainable portrait family.

But she was an abandoned, fucked up, throwaway who had nowhere to go.

_Who can want me?_

She sat down on the cemented sidewalk to give herself a break from the three miles she had already walked from Ashlyn's house. She sprawled her legs into the street and noticed from the headlight that was beaming a ways across, that a trail of blood had painted a thin crimson path down her inner thigh and weaved down to her knee.

She started panicking.

_It hurt. But I..I stopped it. What's wrong with me? I..._

It was jumbled and indiscernible.

_There's something wrong with my body. I'm weird. No wonder she left me to fend for myself. This was going to happen. This is what Alex was trying to save me from. Or, save the world from me._

Kelley couldn't handle being in this body.

She put the hood on her sweatshirt over her head and let herself unravel and the tears roll.

_I'm stuck with me. What an enormous burden to be placed on myself. I didn't ask for this. I didn't do anything to be fucking cursed! What the fuck did I do to deserve this punishment-this Herculean task of dealing with the fact that I'm...me._

Kelley shot her head up when she heard the squeak of brakes and the sound of rubber coming to a stop on the asphalt in front of her.

“Kelley?”

Kelley noticed the dark blue color of the familiar looking car. She also recognized the soothing voice of the one person that she wished would never see her like this.

“Kelley? Is that you?” Hope called out.

The girl knew that she couldn't just sit there and cover her face and just wait for her coach to drive off, because of course that would never happen. Because her coach had put her car in park and a Kelley could hear footsteps that were approaching.

“Little one.” Came a voice so soft and so unlike the treatment she got that night, that she started sobbing.

“Hey. I'm right here.” She heard her coach say to her.

Kelley felt a strong pair of hands gently and slowly pry her her hands from her face.  She could see this achingly beautiful sight of this older woman crouching down in front of her, looking at her with such...mercy.

“Hey.” Hope whispered. And the girl could feel the woman's warm hands gently wipe away the trail of tears. “You okay?”

Kelley nodded. _No._

“What are you doing out here?” Hope asked so softly. She asked it so gently, and so loving in Kelley's mind, so different from this whole day.

The girl shook her head. And when she looked down, her heart skipped a beat at the blood on her legs, and she quickly shut them and placed them closer to her body so that it wouldn't be seen. So that all of her shame and consequences could be hidden.

“Hey, can I take you to your house, little one?”

“I don't live at home.” Kelley said quietly. She held back the tears because at this point she didn't want to add to the pile of things to be embarrassed at.

“Okay.” She saw her coach nod. Her eyebrows were still furrowed with her concern. “Where have you been staying?”

Kelley cleared her throat, having it been the first time she had talked in hours.

“I usually stay with Alex-”

“Okay let's go-”

“No!” Kelley said as her coach was grabbing her arms to pull her up. “I'm not welcome there...tonight. Nor at Ash's.”

She could see the questions on the tip of Hope’s tongue. And she could also smell a hint of beer on her breath.

“Okay...Do you have anywhere else you can go? Family?”

Kelley held her knees even closer to her body, and looked off to the side because she couldn't bear looking at Hope’s face. She couldn't bear to see Hope’s disgust or pity. She couldn't with someone who had no idea how much she meant to her.

But against her will, she shot her eyes up to see those ensnaring blue eyes looking at her, when she felt Hope tap her knee.

“C’mon.” Hope gently ordered.

Kelley followed her order and stood up. She wiped her face even more thoroughly and shivered at the lazy touch of this older woman's hand on her back. The chill down her spine wasn’t because she was cold.

Kelley watched as Hope wordlessly peeled her leather jacket off and wrapped it around Kelley's shoulders, and pulled it on both sides so that it was wrapped tighter.

Hope looked at Kelley for a good long moment without saying anything.

“You look good in my jacket.”

Kelley couldn't help but melt in the heat of Hope’s beer breath and the low tone it was delivered in. She noticed the way this taller woman was looking down at her and it was lazy, yet focused and Kelley could feel that feeling in her stomach that she felt in Alex's bedroom.

“C’mon. It's freezing out here. I'll take you to my place.”

“Coach?”

She saw the older woman turn back around.

“Do you think I should drive?”

 

~~

 

Hope rubbed over the tops of her jeans as her eyes travelled from the road, to Kelley's thighs, and then to her own lap.

“You're going to turn left at the light.” She said.

She looked at the faint trail of blood that ran down Kelley's thighs, and then looked down at her lap.

“Second right. Past that stop sign.”

She looked at it again. And Hope was starting to feel the alcohol kick into overdrive and decided that this was not the appropriate state to be in, to have this inappropriate conversation.

“Did you go out?” She saw the way the girl put a strand of hair behind her ear. “On a school night?” Kelley smirked.

“Yes. I went out.” Hope said softly.

“Sounds like fun. Go out with your boyfriend?”

Hope narrowed her eyes and wanted to let it go, but her inhibitions were lowered.

“If by boyfriend, you mean coach Lloyd and coach steves, then yes. Why do you ask?”

“Well you said that you weren't married, so...I figured you must have a boyfriend.”

“Turn left. And then third light, turn right. No I don't have a boyfriend.” Hope chuckled to herself.

“Are you..” Hope turned to look at the way the girl was picking at the rubber on her steering wheel. “Are you..seeing someone?”

“Why are you asking me this?” Hope asked lazily. She stared and stared until the girl felt the weight of her stare and managed to look back for a second before it returned to the road.

“It just seems-I don't know- it’s like. It’s like you like, like Coach Stevens. Or you guys are hooking up or something. That's what everyone at school thinks.”

Hope let out a hearty, maniacal laugh.

“Is that what the team thinks?” Hope asked through the tail end of her much needed laughter.

“No...” Kelley said quietly.

“It's the third house.” Hope instructed.

“So did you go on a date.. or something?” Kelley asked as she unbuckled her seatbelt and continued looking at her feet.

The breath from Hope’s body deflated, and she felt the sadness in her chest and her fingertips. She looked at the time on her phone. 12:03 am.

She wasn't going to meet her Cinderella tonight. It was past midnight.

“FUCK!” Hope yelled out in frustration. “Oh shit. I'm sorry.” She looked over the girl.

“It's okay, coach.” Kelley sadly replied.

"No I wasn't on a date. Not with that company."

The older woman was totally unaware of how long she was staring at Kelley, but she was starting to want to do bestial things, and the feeling of missed opportunities with Olivia were starting to frustrate her.

“Cmon. Let's go inside, little one.” She opened the door to let the cold air provide her with a pseudo cold shower. And then she did something she hadn’t done in a long time.

She jogged over to the other side and opened the driver side door the other girl.

“Are you cold?” Kelley asked with shy eyes.

“Yeah.” Hope nodded and smirked. “But you look colder. I’ll make you some tea or hot chocolate or something.”

The older woman’s heart lurched at this innocent sight of Kelley’s slow to form, high wattage smile. Hope’s body, her muscles, and their neurons were transmitting to her brain that her knees shouldn’t go so weak at the sight of Kelley O’Hara smiling. Her blood was rushing to that cavity in between her legs (again) and she was begging herself to be appropriate.

And to some degree it was. Other than her carnal desire, her body was also filled with this sense to nurture and to protect, and to make sure that this beautifully fragile girl never ended up as broken as she found her on the corner of someone’s neglect and fury.

_I hope I don’t make her ever feel like that._

 

~~

 

“Coach, this is an insanely HUGE place.” Kelley said.

Hope hovered around her and watched as the girl marveled at the magnitude of her coach’s house and how much she didn’t know of the woman standing in front of her.  

“Let me show you to the guest room.” Hope said softly. She tried to steady herself, but she could feel herself stumble a little. She balled her fist when she felt a small hand steady her in the back.

“Whoa Hopey. You really are drunk, huh?” she heard Kelley chuckle. “I would have never known if it wasn’t for your breath.”

Hope shook her head and held the door open to Kelley’s designated room.

“That nickname.” But Hope was smiling, and she caught a whiff of Kelley’s hair when she passed by her to enter the room. Hope threw her head back and let the sharpness of her nails trail down the skin outside of her throat to give her hands something to do when her brain registered this rousing smell.

Hope watched the girl look around and take in the room and her surroundings.

_I hope she feels safe here._

And then she did her routine in letting her eyes trail all over the girl’s body in a fervent and prohibited way.

And then she saw the blood.

“Kell?”

“Coach?”

“Do you feel okay here?” Hope asked a little timidly. “I-I’m gonna bring some more comforters. But I just wanted to know, if you feel...safe”

“Of course.” Kelley whispered.

“Okay.” Hope put her hand on her stomach to settled the forming nerves.

“Can I-can uh...” Hope looked at the small figure that was engulfed in her big jacket and the bright and curious eyes looking back at her. “Can I ask you a question..that you don't have to...I'm not going to judge. You're not in trouble..I just.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Hope asked straightforward after a deep breath. To regain her composure and to hold the alcohol back from coursing through her veins.

“Sure, coach.”

“Did someone hurt you?” Hope asked with a tilt of her head.

Kelley's face fell.

The older woman closed the distance and she hoped that her presence would fill the room with a sense of security. And she watched the way Kelley shrunk even more into the safety and cave of her jacket.

“I’m not trying to hurt you. And...” Hope felt the alcohol slow her system down even more. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to, but I just have to know if someone hurt you. And if I need to do something about it.” Hope said softly.

“No one hurt me.” Kelley said as she sat down on the bed.

“Okay..” Hope breathed out. She had never been in this situation before, and she was half wishing that she wouldn’t have had been such a shitty human being in indulging in that much of her vice, but also very super thankful that she wasn’t completely sober for this heavy situation.

“Did someone..Did..” Hope found herself crouching down in front of the girl again, and the older woman made sure not to touch the injured girl, too unsure if someone’s physical touch was the last hint she needed. She nodded to the trail of blood, and Kelley slapped the sleeve of Hope’s jacket over her leg and looked away in shame.

“I might be the last person you want to talk to, but..” Hope didn’t know what to say.

“I told her to stop, and she did.” Kelley said and she looked at Hope for a second, before she looked away again.

Hope nodded. That was all she would ask for now.

“Little one. Go take a nice, long, hot shower. I’ll lend you some clothes and bring those comforters.” Hope smiled warmly. “And if you want hot chocolate or something I can fix that up.”

Kelley smiled. Hope melted.

“I’ll go make some while you take that shower. Towels in the drawers and all that good stuff.”

Hope put a reassuring hand on Kelley’s knee and felt an actual electric shock. Their eyes met with a knowing surge, or connection, or magnetic pulse, and all Hope could do was take her hand away and walk out the room to give the girl the privacy she deserved. She wanted to claw her eyes out and pull out her teeth because of that moment. That unforgettable, seemingly inconsequential, yet enormous moment when she looked at this young woman.

She closed the door gently behind her and put a kettle on the stove so that she could make a steaming hot cup to warm Kelley’s bones. And she stood motionlessly by that stove, while the alcohol seeped its way through every corner of her body. She swayed in her spot, willing herself not to to think about the hot hiss of the shower and the bare-skinned girl that was melting inside of it.

 

~~

 

Kelley let the heat massage her skin and the water touch her like she wanted Hope, too. Kelley could see the subtlety drowsy way Hope blinked and moved around her. And it made her want to close her eyes and pleasure herself in some type of way when her coach’s unbalance made her lean too far into her.

So much had happened for Kelley tonight, and she felt weird and confused because just an hour ago, she was feeling disgusted and used, and NOW...now, she was feeling horny. Kelley scrubbed her confusion and her frustration out her scalp and watched the runoff of the soap and water and turmoil swirl down the drain. She scrubbed her body clean and made sure to scrub extra hard to get rid of the blood.

Kelley touched herself and felt the soreness.

She threw the shampoo bottle across the tiled walls in frustration and in hatred. Of herself.

 

~~

 

 **Hope Solo:** Emergency. Rain check? I can pay you double in orgasms. 1:00 am

Hope looked down at her phone that she left on the counter and sighed. _Well, I fucked that up._ She stirred the powder mix in the mugs and then headed to her room to grab a change of clothes for herself.

“Coach?” She heard a timid voice call.

“Kelley.” Hope breathed out. The air in her lungs had caught in her throat because Kelley O’Hara was standing in the doorway to her bedroom with soaking wet hair and nothing but an oversized Seattle Reign shirt that was teasingly _just_ long enough to cover what mattered the most.

“Thank you for the clothes.” Kelley said quietly as she entered the room that most certainly was supposed to be off limits.

“Uhh- yeah.” Hope nodded as she fisted the soft shirt that was in her hand so hard that her knuckles were white.

“I’m..really tired. Um so I don’t know if you made that hot choc-”

“Don’t worry about it.” Hope waved her hand and fought off the desire to close the distance between her and her seventeen-year-old student/player. “I’ll just save it and heat it up for tomorrow.”

“That would be nice.” Kelley quietly said and she leaned on the nightstand that was a foot away from Hope’s spot. The older woman was just hoping that her stares and her thoughts weren’t so overt and so grossly inappropriate, but she couldn’t help to ask herself if Kelley had actually opened up the never-opened package of underwear she had laid on the bed.

_She just had a horrible fucking experience you fuckhead. She can’t be looked at like that. No seventeen-year-old should be looked at this way._

“Coach, can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot, kiddo.”

“W-w-why- why am I- why did it-” Kelley sighed.

“It’s okay.” Hope said gently. And she swayed in her steps when she tried to offer a reassuring hand on the arm.

“I just don’t understand how-Like. Like why didn’t it feel..like it-like it should have?” And Kelley knew that she should have felt embarrassed, a very familiar feeling, but she couldn’t help the words that were spewing out of her mouth when she felt her coach’s hot breath on her again and the warmth of her body next to her.

“Um...” Hope rubbed her face, to abate the alcoholic warmth in her face, but also to assess if she had already crossed the line. Because of course, her familiarity with alcohol had trained her brain to think things through most of the times, but that didn’t stop most of her actions.

“M-Maybe because...” _Fuck. “_ Maybe, that’s not the way... _you..._ like...it. _”_ Hope closed her eyes at her lack of loquacity.

“I’m your health teacher. I can talk about this with you, right?” Hope asked. _OH shit. I am drunk._

“Yeah.” Kelley whispered, and her eye contact never wavered. “But what do you mean by that?”

Hope put her elbows head in her hands and laughed, “Oh crap. I-I don’t know if I should be having this conversation with you right now, Kell.” She continued to rub her face, wiping the frustration out.

“Please, I just-” Hope felt Kelley’s small hand pry her calloused hands from her face, and regain that intensely telling eye contact that revealed exactly how dismantled Kelley O’Hara was.

“I have no one else in my life to talk about this...”

“Alright, Little one.” Hope found it undeniably difficult to NOT think about how Kelley was still holding on to her hand. “Remember how I said there wasn’t just one way...for..women to..ya know?”

Kelley nodded solemnly.

“Well, maybe that’s just not the way you...” Hope nodded her head to finish the sentence.

“I don’t know what that means.” Kelley whispered. The girl was utterly ashamed. And Hope was uncomfortably, and inappropriately stirred.

“Were you...ugh...shit, Kelley. Were you bleeding because..because of” Hope tried to figure out a political term that could ease everything that was wrong with this situation.

“She put her fingers inside me.” Kelley said quickly and closed her eyes at the admission.

“Okay, okay.” Hope put her hand up to stop the speed of this conversation.

“Maybe, you need-she needs to go...”Hope pulled back the hand in Kelley’s and pointed at the ceiling. “Up.”

“Up?” Kelley asked, confused.

“Yeah, up. Anyways,” Hope turned to her closet so that hopefully Kelley got the signal. “It’s getting pretty late, little one. I need to wake up early. Maybe drop you off at the Morgan’s? School?”

“Yeah, school. All my stuff are in my locker.” Kelley said.

“Okay. Kell.” Hope called out to Kelley’s retreating figure. “Please don’t skip again. Seriously.”

Kelley looked down at her feet and then nodded.

“Your- The Morgan’s are not out there to protect you.” Hope said quietly.

“I’m not out there to protect you.”

 

~~

 

_Up. What the fuck does she mean by up._

Kelley looked at the ceiling.

_What the hell- she’s drunk. She has no idea what she’s saying to me._

Kelley nested into the soft sheets that smelled a lot like the way her coach’s clothes smelled when the girl had crashed class periods. The way they smelled before the outdoors had soaked its scent into the fibers of her clothes. She immersed herself in the cotton sheets and in her brain she imagined that the sheets were the woman who was two rooms away.

The seventeen-year-old put her head back up onto her pillow and closed her eyes while the heat between her legs warmed her hands. She was thankful that she had opted out of wearing anything down there. Because she had inserted a finger and it was as uncomfortable as before and even the electrifying image of her coach’s arms wrapped around her, nor the feeling of her hot breath on her, were enough to produce what should have been an amazing feeling.

She laid there in frustration in the dark and let her mind wander on what Hope was doing. _Is she brushing her teeth? Does she wear a pajama suit to bed? Does she wear nothing to bed? Does she sleep on her stomach and cling for a pillow, or is she restless like I am?_

_Up. Up. Up. Up. Up. Up. Up. Up.Up. Up. Up. Up._

Over and over again, she wanted this woman’s advice to make sense.

Because yes, Hope Solo was starting to sway in her step, and she was leaning closer into Kelley’s body when they were speaking, and she didn’t even get that usual panicked look in her face when Kelley threw caution to the wind, and touched the skin that made her insides burn; but there was something about the way she gave her advice so _confidently._

Then Kelley’s eyes shot open. And the understanding flooded her.

She moved her index finger _up._

In the direction of her belly button and just below where the small tufts of hair, where the part of her body absorbed every emotion, every touch.

Then she started touching herself. A little unsure, a little hesitant, but when her cheeks started to feel warm, and her legs started to get restless, she thought about the woman that was responsible for it all.

 

~~

 

It had to be well past 2 am when a drunken Hope found herself sitting herself outside of her guest room.

At first, it was because she was in a panicked frenzy when she realized that she had _most definitely_ crossed a line that the whole word would look down upon. She slowly walked to the room that Kelley was in, with the plan to apologize. Because even if this girl had no idea what was going on, or of the nature of how improper Hope had been, Hope was tormented by the thought of a 28-year-old Kelley O’Hara realizing what she had been subjected to.

And it was killing Hope.

So she made way to the door.

But then stopped when she heard a sound that had effectively awakened her soul.

She sat down in the hallway, and out of habit, put her head in her hand, while the other one touched herself to the muffled moans and heavy breaths of Kelley O’Hara’s very first orgasm.

 

 

~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Low key wanted to make Christen Press the Character of Olivia. And if you thought it was her, we were on the same wavelength. 
> 
>  
> 
> \- wretched


	4. Like a Predator, She Preyed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She wrapped her long arms around Kelley's upper half, cradling the back of her head into her chest. She felt the sigh of relief rock her body and she felt it appropriate to celebrate in this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last update for 2016. Happy Holidays!

_I really need to stop waking up like this._

Hope sat on her bed while the pounding in her head hammered away at the space behind her eyelids and she rubbed the crust from her eyes. It was Tuesday, and here she was, wallowing in the war and waste of a hangover, glad that she was in the confines of her own room, free to be the anti-role model.

She groaned when she looked at her phone and the time read: 6:07am. Too late for her to go and train. The woman gently laid back on her bed to let her body relax. She thought her body would be used to this by now, but it was a weekday, and her mind was punishing, begging her to stop being so pitiful. Especially when a player of hers was in her house.

_Oh shit. Kelley._

Hope sat right back up. Debated for a second and then made her way to her door. She hesitated again.

_Do I wake her up? What time should I wake her up? Is she..decent? Am I...._

Hope shook her head. Too much over thinking when it came to that fireball of a player of hers. Hope yanked the door open, deciding that she was going to wing it. Because she would have to get to the school earlier than the students, and that meant dragging this teenager with her. She didn't want to imagine what is was going to be like having to wake up an already feisty Kelley O’Hara, so early in the morning.

She opened the door, and made her way to the kitchen, figuring that she couldn't take on this beast of a task without coffee.

“Oh good morning!” Kelley said with a high pitched tone. She smiled so brightly that her eyes crinkled and her foot popped adorably while she had a spatula in her hand.

“Oh. Hey Kell..” Hope said, hesitantly. She wasn't too sure if she was dreaming or if the time on her phone was wrong.

“Hey Hope! I'm going to call you that since I'm making you breakfast. I deserve a pass.” Kelley smirked and then turned her back to her coach while she pushed around something in a pan that Hope couldn't see.

“Oh and I put the sheets I slept on in the washer. I think you'll have to put it in the dryer when you get home.” Kelley said with a guilty smile.

The older woman, still in disbelief, walked over slowly to the counter on the girl’s right, with eyes widened. She wasn't sure if this was an alien that had abducted Kelley and was now using her body as a host. Any sudden movement and it was going to pounce on Hope, take her in and dismember her for research of the human race. Or enslave her.

Kelley, the girl who got by with her charm and her wit, was not someone that Hope thought would be making breakfast now so early in the morning, for someone else.

“Oh. I made you a cup, already.” Kelley said when Hope started to reach for a cupboard in order to get her French Press out. The girl pointed on the opposite side of her to the other counter and sure enough, there was her travel mug.

“What are you making?” Hope didn't like to think about the fact that she knew exactly what she was doing when she looked over Kelley’s shoulder and leaned in closer to the girl's back.

“U-u-uh. Um. Just scrambled eggs. And sausage.” Hope could see from the side profile of the girl's body, the way she was gripping the spatula, _extra hard._

“Well that's actually very nice of you.” Hope whispered. Then she turned and walked towards the travel mug and felt the coolness of the air as she put more distance in between them.

_But did she make it, right?_

She asked as she opened the lid and saw light brown liquid and took a sip.

_Oh that's fucking good._

_“_ Is it good? I've never had coffee before?” Kelley called over her shoulder.

“What?”Hope called back in disbelief. “You made this bomb A cup and you've never had any? Here.” Hope tipped the lid of the cup slowly so that the young girl could get a sip of her creation. She did it slowly and she watched as a drop spilled onto from the girl's mouth and down her chin.

“It's good.” Kelley called out.

But Hope had this depraved image in her head as she watched Kelley wipe her mouth, leaving only traces of some moisture on her lips. Hope took a deep breath.

“Are you okay?” Kelley asked as she put the fried food into a plate and started rummaging around the older woman's kitchen like it was her own. _How does she know where everything is?_ Hope didn't answer, and she sat down to sit with her thoughts. She 

“I hope you don't mind, I was going through your kitchen for like 30 minutes trying to figure out where all your crap was.” Kelley said with a guilty smile. “But it looks like you don't even use this stuff!”

Hope elected to push her thoughts away for now, got her and her guest a plate, and another mug in which she poured half of it in. Her stomach flipped when she saw Kelley smile again before she took a bite of their breakfast.

“I didn't know that you could cook.” Hope smirked when she took her first bite.

“Yeah!” Kelley said with a smug grin. “I cook for the Morgan's all the time.” Hope watched as Kelley got a forkful of Hope’s eggs from her plate, and then the older woman responded by stealing a piece of sausage from the girl's plate. They chewed their food in silence and filled it with smiles.

“Hey um..Hope?” Kelley looked hesitant at first, but then smirked at the use of her first name.

“Yes, little one?” Hope decided to let this one go. After all, the food was really good.

“Can you not tell anyone...about what happened?” Kelley looked down at her plate.

Hope looked down sadly. The details of last night flooded her mind. She wasn't as drunk as the night of her tryst with Olivia, so she was still aware of almost everything. The heart wrenching sight of Kelley on a sidewalk, the evidence of Kelley being broken in, the smell of her hair, and the salacious, unnervingly amazing feeling of having Kelley so close.

And then, she thought about herself standing outside the door of the guest room.

“Kell. You _really_ can't-” Hope took a deep breath. Then she said slowly and thoughtfully, “I won't tell anyone. And you can't tell anyone. I'm not too sure about the rules on having a student-”

“I won't tell anyone. I promise.” Kelley said seriously.

“Good.” Hope said. She finished off her plate.

“So..” Hope decided to try her luck, “you want to tell me what happened before I found you?”

The older woman watched as Kelley squirmed and then crossed her legs. She realized how small Kelley was and how the whole width of her frame didn't even take up the majority of the seat. Hope had this desire to bring this delectable little human into her arms.

“I don't want to talk about it.” Kelley said as she chugged her lukewarm coffee.

“Kell.” Hope saw the way Kelley flinched as the chair legs scraped against the tile floor and the older woman dragged the girl’s chair next to her body so that they were inches apart.

“I just...care about your safety. You know, as your coach, I care about what happens to you.” She said softly. Since she knew what it was like to have her close, it was becoming a habit of Hope’s to always have her near.

“Really? Because it seems like you’re annoyed of me, all of the time.” Kelley said. She looked down at her half finished plate and Hope felt the dejection in her chest. The older woman put her arm on the back of Kelley's chair and she tilted her head.

“Why do you say that, little one?” Hope asked. She watched as Kelley’s face hardened and she slowly pushed her plate farther from her. She brought her feet into the seat of the chair and curled further into herself.

“You..” Kelley’s face was shrouded in frustration and a hint of hurt.

“You...dismiss me.” Kelley looked at Hope with an agonized expression.

Hope felt like this girl had just slashed through the dermis of her chest and the many layers that had guarded that beating organ that was the metaphorical underpinning to Hope’s infrastructure.

“You treat me like a little kid.”

“Sometimes you act like one.” Hope said with a small smile.

“No I don't!” Kelley yelled. The frustration apparent by the red flush in her pale, Irish skin.

“Okay.” Hope soothed. “I'm sorry.”

“You don't treat me like an adult.” Kelley said with the sadness in her voice, matching that of her eyes.

“Well you're not an adult, yet.” Hope felt the guilt seethe in her stomach. Because that was the fact of life.

“I'm turning eighteen in a month!”

“Yeah, and you still make the team run like you're a freshman!” Hope was not treating her like a kid who needed someone to listen. She realized it when Kelley got up to walk away.

“Kell.” Hope sighed. She stopped the young girl by pulling her back by the t-shirt.

“See! You're dismissing me!” Kelley yelled.

“Kell. I don't dismiss you. Okay? I'm your coach-” Hope said with her hands on her hips.

“Oh so what did you call what happened in Alex's bedroom??” Kelley challenged.

This was the.. Hope couldn't remember.. fifth time(?) she felt the dread. The raw, crude dread.

Because no one on this Earth, no one alive, knew about the degenerate she had become at the sight of Kelley O'Hara’s thighs. And Hope didn't want to think about if the girl in front of her had an inkling of her deviant thoughts. She had tried to push that all behind. All into the corners, forgotten and trodden on by her other self-deprecating thoughts.

“What are you...” Hope trailed off.

“It's like I can't talk to you without you pushing me away!” Kelley said sadly.

_Talking...?_

Hope tilted her head in confusion, ever so slightly. She had to hear this out.

“I tried to get this simple form of reassurance from you and you pushed me away!” Kelley continued.

Hope waited. Because maybe she had interpreted the moment in Alex Morgan's bedroom, differently. And maybe, she had read this WHOLE thing, all of the interactions, and the girl in front her, wrong.

“I felt so embarrassed just trying to have a simple hug from my coach...” Kelley said as she looked away.

Hope let out a sigh of relief.

Then she brought Kelley into a hug. She wrapped her long arms around Kelley's upper half, cradling the back of her head into her chest. She felt the sigh of relief rock her body and she felt it appropriate to celebrate in this way.

“I care about you kid. I don't want to ever find you like I did last night.” Hope said softly. She felt Kelley wrap her arms around her back and pull her in. “If you need me to hug you, I can do that.”

She could smell that scent in Kelley's hair and instead of brushing it aside into the depths of her depravity, or letting her drunken mind roam into an uncontrollable state of arousal, she just pulled the girl closer and lived in the moment. Here, and now.

 

~~

 

“Do you need me to drive this time, Hopey?” Kelley smiled brightly.

Hope shook her head. This was going to be a thing, now.

“No. O’hara. I got it.” Hope waved her off. When they both sat in the car, the silence inside the vehicle prompted the older woman to say, “You know, I really thought that you would have been a nightmare to wake up in the morning.”

“Nah. I usually get up at like four am because Alex has cross country.” Kelley shrugged.

“Oh well. At least their season is going to end.” Hope offered.

The young girl nodded.

“Are you going to talk to Alex about where you're staying tonight?” Hope asked cautiously.

“Yeah. I'll talk to her.”

“Uh. So. What happened?” Hope asked as she put her car in reverse and backed out of the long trail way to the gate to her property.

Kelley stated quiet.

“Little one, I have to know something, ya know? When I find out a player of mine was homeless, I mean, of course I have to do something about it.” Hope reasoned as she backed out onto the main road.

“I'm not homeless. I just got into a fight with Alex and-”

“About the captaincy?” Hope asked with raised eyebrows.

“No.” Kelley pushed. “About my...choices.”

“Ah.” Hope said.

They both drove on in a comfortable buzz of music playing on the radio on the way to school. Kelley hummed to the music and bounced up and down, while Hope smiled and marveled at the youth of this girl next to her.

So full of life and so full of energy. The world hadn't gotten her yet and it gave the older woman some hope. Usually, she would just be dreading the day and clutching her coffee like it was her lifeline, and here was Kelley, dancing to some pop song like no other. Like life was still bright and up for grabs. It gave Hope some laughs, and something to think about. But mostly she just thought of Kelley on the drive to school.

_So I interpreted everything wrong. She wasn't trying to..that's good. That's good. I don't have to worry about the undertones of her actions._

Then she gulped. Really hard _._

_It's my actions I have to worry about._

 

~~

 

“Where were you last night?” Alex asked with narrowed eyes and her hair wet from the locker room shower.

“Nowhere.” Kelley said as she continued to walk away from her best friend.

“Kell.” Alex jogged to catch up with her. “Ash told me that she found her truck in the driveway in the morning, but that you didn't stay there. Where did you go?”

“Nowhere!” Kelley yelled. And she quickly sought safety in the circle of her friends out in the hallway.

“Yo!” Tobin called out to the both of them.

“I’m not done talking to you.” Alex growled into her ear.

“Why do you even care?” Kelley stopped in her tracks and turned to look at her friend. Tobin and company looked on at the two and could see the usual argument waiting to break out between the bickering friends.

“What does that mean?” Alex asked with a face scrunched up and already on the defensive.

“You told me not to come around after the fact, Al! What the fuck do you think it means??”

“Fine whatever! Where were you last night? Did you stay with _her??_ ”

Alex grabbed Kelley by the elbow and spun her back around when the freckled face girl tried to walk off.

“Kelley.” Alex said with a stern look. “Did you stay with her?”

Kelley heaved a sigh, shook her head in disbelief that she had been so trapped this early in the morning, and then rolled her eyes. “Yes! I stayed with her. Okay? Are you happy? Can you leave me alone?”

She ripped her arm away from Alex’s hold and joined Tobin, Leo, Crystal, and Christen by the lockers. She was thankful that her best friend wasn’t following her.

“How was the match?” Leo asked as he swiped the coffee cup in Tobin’s hand and took a sip. The midfielder just glared at him, but then took it back to continue sipping.

“It was fun.” Kelley offered brightly, super thankful for a change in subject. “My school won.”

“Of course they did.” Tobin sneered.

“Whoop whoop!” Christen high fived Kelley.

“You know that’s going to change, right?” Crystal asked. “Once Tobs and I get put in the mix, that’s all going to change.”

Kelley rolled her eyes. She felt a vibration in the back of her pocket and pulled it out when an argument over who was going to win next year, broke out.

 

 **Al:** Did anything happen? 8:03 am

 **Al:** I’m your bff and if something happened, I still would want to know 8:04 am

 **Cap:** Y so you can judge me? 8:07 am

 **Al:** No cuz you’re first time is a big deal 8:08 am

 

“Hey, where’s Alex? Why didn’t she come and join us?” Leo asked.

Kelley shrugged it off and rolled her eyes, and the rest of her peers knew enough not to ask anymore questions.

“You two are like a bickering married couple.” Crystal said.

“It feels more like she thinks she's my mom.” Kelley bitterly added.

“Well that's why coach made her co-captain. So that she could put you in check, Kell.” Leo said with a smirk.

Christen started chuckling into her sweatshirt and the rest of the girls snickered.

“I hate you guys.” Kelley said. She mirrored the actions of the only boy there and stole a sip of Tobin's coffee.

“Hey!” Tobin poured. “Since when do you drink coffee?”

“Oh. I think that's what happens when you eat the older pussy.” Christen said with one eyebrow cocked.

“You saying ‘pussy’ is so...disconcerting.” Tobin said thoughtfully.

“And hot.” Leo added. Tobin threw her phone at the the boy.

“Disconcerting. That's a big, grown up word, Tobito.” Kelley smirked.

“Yeah well...” Tobin took a sip from her cup. “I don't need to fuck Heather Mitts to be mature.”

“BOOM!”

“GAME! OVER!” Crystal yelled.

“I hate you guys.” Kelley said.

 

~~

 

Hope sat at her computer in her coach’s office desk and read the email over and over again.

_Maybe if I had read all of Pinoe’s emails, I would have seen this coming. Or maybe not._

Every word that she had read was making her more angry. And she didn't know why. It could have been because of Harvey’s presumption of her life now. Or the fact that the woman felt like she could reach out to her after all this time. Or maybe the actual content of the email.

Maybe she was being childish. In fact, Hope’s constant self reflection, came to the conclusion that she was being childish. About everything in her life. And to the people around her.

To Paul, to Pinoe, and to the one coach in her life that meant something to her.

_But it's my life. I made my decisions. I control my life. I control what happens. It's my turn._

“Yo sexy solo!” Syd came bursting in. “What? Decided to skip on flaunting for the cross country boys?”

“You're gross.” Hope threw back.

“Soooooooo.” Syd slid up on the desk and Hope closed her browser after she archived the email.

“So what?” Hope asked.

“What the hell happened with Mystery??” Syd asked with an excited squeak.

“Oh shit!” Hope pulled out her phone. No response. “I totally forgot about that dude! Fuck!”

“What happened??”

Hope sighed.

“I totally fucked up.” Hope looked defeated.

“What did you do?”

“I...I went home to change. And just crashed. Totally spaced and left her hanging.” Hope looked down at her feet, hoping that her explanation was good enough.

“You're dumb.”

“I know.” Hope conceded.

“Did you explain?”

“I tried.”

“Dude! Don't let this one go. She sounded super hot, from what you told us.”

“I know.” Hope put her head in hands at the shame and disappointment.

“You should text her. Or call her. Tell her you fucked up and you're an idiot, and that if she will kindly let you finger fuck her, you would appreciate it.” Syd said with a smirk.

“God, I would love to do that.” Hope sighed.

“There you go. Hound her down.” Sydney urged.

“I don't want to seem desperate.”

“But you are.” The trainer pushed.

“Yeah..but I don't want to _seem_ desperate.”

“Solo.” Sydney chided. “Who else are you going to pursue?? You have no other prospects! You LITERALLY ate this town up!”

Hope couldn’t help at the choice of her friend’s words, and soon they were both trying hard to contain themselves of their laughter.Because it was true. At this point, Hope had pillaged Peachtree of all the ladies with sapphic tendencies, and she had ruined all chances of finding anyone that didn’t hate her guts for not calling back.

“Hey yo, Hope!”

The both looked up to see their favorite math teacher stepping in.

“HAO! Come in!” Syd beamed.

“Come into the coach’s dungeon, where the shitty teachers reside.” Hope smirked.

“You’re not a shitty teacher, you guys just have other...focuses.” Syd laughed at that.

“So wassup, O’Reilly?” Hope asked.

“I actually wanted to talk to you about Kelley.” Heather said with a suddenly darkened tone. Hope gripped the arms of her chair a little tight.

“What about O’Hara?” Syd asked with concern.

Heather chuckled. “Why yes, Syd. Come and join the conversation.”

“What could you possibly have to say about perfect child O’Hara?” Syd asked with narrowed eyebrows.

“Well.” Heather put down a paper full of checkmarks and student’s names on Hope’s desk. “If this were any other kid, I wouldn’t be so worried about it, but..it’s O’Hara.”

Hope and Syd nodded.

“She hasn’t turned in three of her last homework assignments. Now,” Heather pointed at the paper and shrugged, “not that big of a deal, but if she misses another one, she’s going to lose some points. She’s not in trouble of anything, nor is there anyone who is going to catch up to her in terms of rankings, but this truly NEVER happens. It’s weird.”

“Oh. Well. What do you need from me?” Hope asked.

“Well, she didn’t come to class yesterday. Did she show up at practice after school?”

The soccer coach shook her head.

“So, I wonder if she is okay...?” Heather looked at the both of them. “She’s just been...shifty..these past few weeks.”

“I think she’s okay.” Hope reassured.

“Do you know where she was yesterday?” Syd asked.

Hope rolled her eyes.

“She was at the college cup, you guys. Totally not what I told her to do!” Hope defended when Heather hit her in the arm.

“Fine! Just don’t let her skip out on her grades!” Heather chuckled.

“I won’t! Plus it’s Kelley. Isn’t she like freaky smart?” The soccer coach asked.

“Yes, but Solo, it’s senior year. They tend to not keep their shit in order.” Heather offered.

“So true!” Syd nodded. “All I did during my last year of high school was suck some co-”

“Alright.” Hope put her hand up. “I’ll have a talk with her about school and shit.”

“Thank you!” Heather said with a smile. “By the way, I talked to Jerramy. He said you guys went for a beer last night? Why didn’t I get an invite?” She asked with raised eyebrows.

“You didn’t get an invite probably because he was trying to mac on Solo here, and you’re all the way on the other side of the school HAO.” Syd whined.

“I hate you so much, Sydney Leroux.” Hope groaned.

“You know.” Heather had the biggest grin on her face, “I thought he was super into you.”

“You guys are gross.” The coach deadpanned.

“So does he know...you know...” Heather wriggled her eyebrows.

“He does NOW!” Sydney chuckled. “We told him-well I told him all about Mystery.”

“Her name’s Olivia.” Hope offered.

“Ooo who’s Olivia?” Heather asked excitedly.

“Both of you, relax.” Hope ordered. “Now get out of my office because first period is going to start in five.”

“Oh shit. Bye!” Heather yelled over her shoulder on the way out.

“You going to clear out, Missy?” Hope asked with an expectant expression aimed at her trainer friend.

“I got first conference period, Solo. I’m not letting this go. I’m invested into this shit. You’re telling me how you’re getting Myst-Olivia back.”

Hope rolled her eyes, but she felt the warmth of friendship in her office. Syd’s expectant glances when she asked about the women in her life was comforting. For a long time it was just Carli who would serve as her sole female friend, but Syd had come and changed the dynamic, and it was refreshing to have someone else looking out for her.

It wasn’t a secret that Carli didn’t approve of Hope’s casual ways, but the volleyball coach just didn’t get it. It was a totally different lifestyle, being a woman close to her thirties, and a lesbian. Expectations of your life are different. Having to be and take care of another woman, instead of a man, was different. The prospect of having children, _oh god no,_ was almost always a plan, instead of a surprise. Life was different. And Hope didn’t know how to convince her best friend that she still had time to be like this. She still had time.

And having Sydney come in, was nice. Because even though she was straight as well, the woman always supported Hope in her ways. She definitely called her out on her shit, but she supported Hope through and through. Not that Carli didn’t. It was just different.

And when Hope turned to look at her friend, she just _wished_. Wished from the earthly origins of humankind’s desire to be social beasts, that she could tell her all about the girl that she spent last night with.

 

~~

 

“Hey did Kell talk to you about what happened last night?”Alex asked Christen while they sat in their physics class.

“Nope.” Christen said with pursed lips. “Why? What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Alex said. She was becoming increasingly angry at her supposed best friend. Several text messages gone unanswered was enough to make any teenage girl pissed off and bitter. “I hate it when she does this shit.”

“What? Do you think she stayed with Mittsy?” Christen asked with a disgusted look.

“I don’t know...maybe.” Alex pulled out her notebook and started writing what was on the board while the teacher had their backs to them. “I just hate that bitch.”

“Why-how-How did that come about? I mean..” Christen thought about it for a second. “I know that they’ve always kinda..you know..but how is that working? She’s like in Florida. I mean...”

“I have no fucking clue. Kell gets so weird about this shit! She just. UGHH!!”

Everyone in the classroom, including the teacher looked at her.

“You have something to say, Morgan?”The teacher asked with a smirk.

“No sir.”

“Well, I’ll talk to her about it later. Maybe she’ll talk to me.” Christen offered when their teacher turned back around.

“Please.” Alex begged. “I just worry about her.”

 

~~

 

“Sup Coach Solo.” Hope was unable to discern which senior male had called out her name but she just nodded in the general direction of the class when she walked to Carli’s desk.

“Thank you.” Carli mouthed to her best friend before she darted out of her classroom.

“Oooo! We have a sub!”

“Free period!”

Hope rolled her eyes and sat on Carli’s chair.

“No children. Coach Lloyd is going to step out for a few minutes and I was summoned to babysit you all.” Hope smirked.

“I ain’t no child. I’m a man.” Some identified male student called out. Followed by scoffs and chuckles.

“Sure.” Hope shrugged him off and she put her feet on Carli’s desk. She looked up to see them all staring at her.

“Carry on.” She barked at all of them. Hope internally chuckled when a bunch of the student’s put their head down and continued to fill out some worksheet that her best friend had given them.

“Hey coach!” A female voice came from the back of the room.

“Sup Ash.” Hope called out without looking up from her phone. She stared down at the text conversation with Olivia.

“Hi, Hopey!” A bright voice came out from the same direction.

Hope clenched her jaw in mild annoyance as the sounds of ‘Awws’ erupted from the 20 or so teenagers in front of her. She shook her head and rolled her eyes, still without looking up. Because there was only one student with enough gall to call her that. Plus, the sound of her voice made Hope’s cheeks blush.

“Coach that is so adorable!”

“Yeah! Can I call you that now, coach?”

“That’s still a hot name, coach.”

Hope heaved a heavy sigh and looked up to see that she had the attention of everyone.

“Children. NO ONE will call me that.”

“Why? Is that what your boyfriend calls you in bed?” Some boy challenged.

Without skipping a beat, Hope called out, “No that’s what your mom calls me, in bed.”

A collective OOOOoo echoed throughout the classroom and probably out into the hallway because the door was propped open.

Hope looked back down at her phone, trying to tame the urge to smirk, because that just felt so good.

 **Olivia:** You hung me out there to dry. And I was so wet...1:16pm

_Oh fuck me._

**Hope Solo:** Please let me see you tonight 1:17pm

 **Olivia:** I don’t know. I usually drop them by now.. 1:20 pm

 **Hope Solo:** Well I’m worth the wait. Trust me. 1:21 pm

The soccer coach internally cringed at her words, but figured that she had sent it. Nothing she could do, but stand by her words. Hope looked up to see that the class had relaxed and that the majority of them were actually working on the work that their teacher had given them. She saw Ashlyn talking to Leo about some homework question, and Christen Press on her phone. Hope decided not to do anything about it. Because she herself was on her phone, and Christen was right behind Kelley in the student rankings.

 **Olivia:** Why should I trust you, Solo? I don’t even know anything about you. Except what you look like when you’re in my mouth. 1:23 pm

Hope aired out the part of her skin on her neck in between her PANTHERS SOCCER t-shirt and her track jacket.

 **Hope Solo:** At least you know my whole name. What’s urs? 1:26pm

 **Olivia:** Ill keep that to myself. ;) 1:27 pm

 **Hope Solo:** Now you’re being a tease.. And all I want to do is fuck you again. 1:28 pm

 **Olivia:** I’ll let you..when I decide. 1:29 pm

Hope playfully rolled her eyes at the message, but she couldn’t help but think, _damn this girl is good._

She looked up to see that the class was doing their own thing, and her eyes landed on the student she was trying to avoid.

Kelley was sitting in the back next to Ashlyn, with one end of her pen balanced in her hand, and the other end in her mouth. Hope met eyes with her for a second, and Kelley quickly shot her a guilty smile, and then looked back down at her paper.

Hope was finding it easier at this point to just accept that these _happenings_ were going to keep occuring with Kelley. So she smiled when the girl looked away.

“Thank you!” Carli hushed when she entered back into the classroom.

“For sure, Car.” Hope said as she swung her feet off of the desk.

“Did anything happen? All good?”

“You just missed Coach Solo totally own Noah’s ASS!” Leo called out.

Another round of OOooOs erupted, while Hope shrugged at her best friend. “I have no idea what they’re talking about.”

“Cool.” Carli chuckled. “Oh hey! We need to talk about...ya know...” Carli realized that the whole class was listening. “Talk about...ya know..last night..”

“Mmm. I don’t know. Nothing happened.” Hope called out from her position at the door. They hoped that their vagueness was appropriate enough.

Because no matter what kids think, teachers are people, too, and gossipping didn’t stop in high school.

“Why?” Carli asked curiously.

“Emergency.” Hope was super aware that Kelley was in the back of the room, listening with all of the rest of her peers.

“What kind?? Are you okay?” Carli asked a little alarmed.

“Yes! Everything is okay.”

“Is Olivia okay?” Carli asked.

“Oooo who’s Olivia?” Some girl asked in a sing-song voice.

Hope felt her cheeks blush and she closed her eyes in frustration at Carli’s slip.

“She’s Noah’s mom, Sam. Don’t worry about it.” Hope quickly said before she jetted out there and smirked at the third time the OoOoO’s vibrated throughout the school halls.

 

~~

 

“Crystal was right, coach is gay.” Christen smirked. “This Olivia chick is totally her girlfriend.”

“Nah. We don’t know anything.” Ashlyn said.

“Yeah, plus I always see her with this Paul guy I work with.” Leo offered.

“You just don’t want her to be because you have a constant boner for her.”Christen rolled her eyes.

Leo swatted the pen in her hand and smirked when it landed a few feet away.The girl rolled her eyes and decided it was too far, and this homework was not that important.

“What do you think, Kell?” Ashlyn asked as she coughed into her sleeve.

“I don’t know.” Kelley said and then concentrated really hard on question number four.

“Come on. Coach is totally les.” Christen said with a smile.

“I mean I'm not saying she isn’t....and I would know.” Ashlyn dusted off her shoulder. “But I also respect her enough to just leave it open.”

“Okay. Olivia. That's a hot name. You only bang Olivia’s.” Christen reasoned.

“You're right. She totally banged this Olivia.” Leo surrendered.

“She didn't bang anyone.” Kelley said. She bit down on her pen really hard when her friends looked at her in confusion.

“That's what coach said, right? Didn't she say to coach Lloyd that nothing happened?” She quickly pushed.

“Yeah she said some shit about an emergency. I wonder what that means.” Ash said thoughtfully. “I wonder what she's like outside of school and practice.”

“A badass.” Leo said. “You guys should see her when she's working out on the fields.”

“Yeah. I wonder if she was always so beastly or if that came with age.” Christen said.

“Oh! Kell. Speaking of age. ” Christen said in a loud volume. She readjusted her voice when she asked, “What happened with you and Mittens last night?”

“Nothing.” Kelley said quietly.

“Where did you go, little one?” Ashlyn asked.

“Nowhere.”

“Did she treat you...okay?” Leo asked with raised eyebrows.

Kelley could see their expectant faces. She was tired of Alex’s concerned and stern looks, and the curious questions from her friends. Because their was always mixed feelings when it came to her older..whatever Heather was.

“I stayed with her last night. That's all I'm going to say. So stop asking.” Kelley groaned. And then she warded off all of the questions that followed for the whole class period.

 

~~

 

Hope watched the video from the back of her classroom for all of two seconds before she had this strong desire for her to succumb to the sleepy cloud in her mind, lulling her to this peaceful state of exhaustion.

“Coach.” Someone whispered.

She shook her head to wake herself up.

“Yes?” She called out to no one.

“I'm going to study, okay?” Alex Morgan asked as she hovered by Hope’s desk. Hope nodded when she registered who it was, and then put her head down to fall asleep for the rest of this class period, knowing that her captain would wake her up if something happened.

In the midst of a peaceful afternoon slumber, Hope felt someone gently run their fingers through her scalp and give her a little scratch.

She picked her head back up, and found Kelley looking at her with a small smile.

“Cap. What's up?” Hope said in a sleepy voice. She looked around and saw that her class was still sitting in their seats, some watching, some just on their phones. She looked at her phone to see that only fifteen minutes had elapsed since Alex had walked in.

“Can I hang out here?” Kelley whispered.

“Yeah, but you and I need to have a talk. Let's go outside.” She said sleepily while she rubbed her eyes.  

Kelley looked at her with widened eyes, but she followed Hope out the classroom.

“Guys, I'll be out here. Just don't burn the school down. Sound good?”

“Yes, coach!” Someone yelled out.

Hope gave a thumbs up and then led Kelley outside.

“Did I do something wrong?” Kelley asked, looking up at Hope with puppy dog eyes.

“One,” Hope put up her index finger, “Did you patch things up with Alex?”

Hope watched the way Kelley’s face moved with her fierce emotions and the strong cut of her brow when she started to defend herself against her best friend.

_Her face is so...striking. It’s strong and hard, and when she's pissed, she's pissed. But she has these freckles that balance it out and she’s so small and when her mood changes, everything changes. She's soft, she's bubbly, she's jumping up and down._

The coach wasn't really listening because, quite honestly, she didn't expect Kelley to do the simple task of fixing things with Alex. And ever since she heard Kelley moan within the 4 walls of her home, something was beginning to morph inside of this woman.

She felt it earlier in the day, but it really was true that Hope was starting to think that maybe she should stop chastising herself for feeling human emotions. She wouldn't act on them, but it was okay to feel them. And she let herself be this person that lived within her skin, by enjoying Kelley’s company.

Hope had the objective of talking to her about Heather’s concern, but she was mostly using it as an excuse. Because she had already gone past the point of no return. Kelley had an unprecedented place in Hope’s heart. One that no one asked for, and one that didn't need to be from a place of perversion (even if it was). And it felt genuinely nice to spend some time with her.

“Okay. Whatever. Two,” Hope held up her index finger and her middle one, “O’reilly tells me that you haven't been turning in your homework. What is that about?”

Kelley sighed.

“I've been busy.” Kelley said with a shrug.

“Doing what, little one?”

“Having my ass saved by a _really_ awesome, coach.” Kelley said quietly. “Thank you. By the way.”

The girl shook her head in disbelief. “I don't know if I even thanked you. But, it means...” Kelley paused and looked away for a second. Hope could see the way Kelley's eyes were starting to shine with moisture. “The world. It means the world to me.”

“No problem, little one.” Hope shot her a small smile. “But that doesn't mean that you can slack. You hear me?”

Kelley nodded and looked down.

“I don't know what you and Ms. Florida are up to, but don't let her get you off track.” Hope said sternly.

“I'm not-it's not-...” Kelley sputtered while she met her coach's eyes.

“Kell. You're old enough to make your own decisions,” _but not old enough for- “_ just don't let your grades fall. Or Stanford is no longer a thing.” Hope gently laid it on.

“Okay. I understand that. But coach, I'm not- she's not- Heather and I- that's not a-a-a thing.” Kelley rushed.

“Okay. So you're telling me you didn't see Mitts last night?”

“I don't know...” Kelley peeled and looked at the paint on the wall.

“Hey. Like I said. You don't have to tell me anything, kid.” Hope softly reassured. “I'm just saying. Take care of yourself first. Put whoever you hung out with last night, second.”

“I hung out with you, last night.” Kelley quietly said, still not taking her eyes off of the wall.

_This is it! This is when things change during our conversation! This is the moment when I perceive things differently than she does._

The older woman looked around in the hallway and made sure that there was no one else around.

“What was coach Lloyd talking about?” Kelley asked with narrowed eyes. She tore them away from the wall and faced Hope, who didn't want to be having this conversation anymore.

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

“She said you were hanging out with an Olivia? You told me you weren't on a date.”

“I wasn't.” Hope said simply as she backed up towards the classroom door and out of the conversation.

“Hopey!” Kelley whined.

“O’hara.” The older woman called out with a tone of warning.

“Ugh. Fine, coach. But that's not fair! I told you my life! Why can't you tell me yours!”

Hope opened the door to her classroom and smirked.

“Maybe when you're older, Kelley.”

 

~~

 

Hope walked the hallways and the path to her coach's office while she got lost in her thoughts.

_Okay. So I have a thing for her._

She clutched at her chest at the admission. Even though she knew it and it was plain as day, she had never said it in a sentence to herself, in that morally corrupt mind of hers.

Kelley’s adorable little smile and the way her little touches burned was too affecting, and too stimulating. But it was okay, because Hope was an adult. She would act like an adult.

The woman looked at her phone when it buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out.

 **Olivia:** alright I think I put you on your toes enough. A couple hours is long enough. Come see me tonight. 3:23 pm.

Hope instantly replied and grew warm at the thought. Because this was the reason it was okay. It was okay to have a crush on Kelley because it didn't mean anything, because she had this lecherous desire to sink her teeth into a woman who was closer to her age.

 

~~

 

Hope yawned and sunk into her the chair in her office. She looked at her watch to decide the right time for her to start heading to the fields.

“Ooooo. You're girl is in TROUBLE!” Sydney yelled out when she barged into her office.

“Dude. Do none of you know how to knock?”

“No. Anyways, guess what O’Reilly just told me.” Sydney said excitedly.

“Huh?”

“She said that little Kell didn't show up for Stats class this afternoon.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yep. She told me to come and tell you.” Syd said.

 

~~

 

“I swear to god. I'm fucking done with this girl.” Hope growled.

“Hopey. Relax.” Carli said as she stood by her on the sidelines.  The soccer coach glared at her.

“Yeah the class told me about that one after you left.” Carli smirked.

“I'm going to burn all of you one day.” Hope whispered. They both watched the soccer girls assemble into their usual spot where they dropped off their bags and began to put on their socks, cleats, and pre-wrap on.

“Oooo.” Carli excitedly slapped Hope on the arm and then met her eyes.

“O’hara is not skipping today. And it looks like she brought some mittens.” Carli said as she mocked putting on a pair on her hands.  

Hope couldn't help the small smile tugging at the glare she was trying to hold. The one reserved for the girl that was on a tightrope with the head soccer coach.

“Did I just make you smile?” Carlie whispered.

“Hey coaches!” Tobin said cheerfully as she dropped off her bag and fist bumped both of them.

“Hey, Tobs. Doing alright?” Carli asked.

“Sure thang.” Tobin said before she found a ball to juggle with and she wandered into the world only she lived in when she had a ball at her feet.

Hope stared down at her best friend.

“What?” Carli asked.

“Don't be asking her invasive questions, Car.” Hope glared.

“I asked her how she was doing?” Carli chuckled.

“I know what you're doing.” Hope said very low in tone so that no one could hear them, “Don't scare her.” Hope warned.

“You're too protective over your favorite.” Carli pouted. “Speaking of favorites...”

“Hey Solo.” Hope heard a familiar voice from the left of her.

Hope felt her whole body tense. “Mittsy. How are you?” She asked as she tended her whole body.

“I'm peachy.” Heather Mitts smirked. “College sucks. My coach sucks dick. But almost all coaches do.”

“Except you, right Solo?” Heather challenged with her signature smirk.

“You're something else, Mitts.” Hope said with a sort of smile that only Carli Lloyd knew was meant to be disingenuous.

“Thanks, coach.” Heather said. Smirk still in strong force. “Can I crash this little session?”

“Sure. As long as you're not a distraction to O’Hara.” Hope said in type of growl as she leaned on her toes and stared at her former player.

“Now why would I be a distraction?” Heather Mitts asked in a challenging tone. She stepped so close to Hope that there was only a few inches between them.

“You know why, mittsy.” Hope threw back. Without moving a muscle.

“A distraction to them? Or a distraction to you?” Heather asked with an eyebrow raised and a lip bite paired with it. She jogged off when Hope didn't answer.

“God. That girl is fucking something.” Carli muttered under her breath.

“I know.” Hope muttered.

The soccer coach watched as Heather helped Kelley put on her stuff and started juggling the ball with her. She watched the college girl from a distance with narrowed eyes, hidden behind her sunglasses.

“That girl fuckin..” Hope trailed off.

“She pushes all the wrong buttons, dude.” Carli said.

Hope didn't feel bad for one second while she imagined Heather Mitts with a ball gag in her mouth, begging for Hope through muffled pleas to finger fuck the shit out of her.

Dark thoughts, dark actions, but she didn't feel an ounce of guilt as she took in the sight of a woman she would love to _fuck_ just to shut her up.

She was a troublemaker in the worst of ways back when Hope first started at Star Mills. This senior was always calling out Hope because she had found it really suspicious that a 25 yr old had enough experience to head a program.

Heather Mitts had no idea who had stepped on the field as her coach, and had no idea how angry and young Hope was at the time, and the neon bright career she started at the young age of fifteen.

They clashed, and even though Hope’s young adult immaturity didn't want to, she helped this talented player of hers get into college.

It was her first year at the school, and Heather just became something sour in Hope’s mouth at the thought of her career here in Peachtree.

Not to mention, now at 23, she was smoking hot and the fact that Hope hated her, made for an even more intense desire to tie her up and do unspeakable things to her in a closed room.

“Dude. Please run this session for me. I'm fucking done today.” Hope said with a sigh.

“Hi, coach Lloyd.” Alex called out before she came and fist bumped them both.

“Morgs.” Hope said. “Coach Lloyd is going to be your coach today.”

“Fuck you, Solo.” Carli muttered under her breath so that no one could hear.

“Dude. I can't handle that girl.” Hope pleaded under her breath.

“Then I'll be your assistant today. But I don't know shit about tactics, and offside, and goalies and-”

“Fine.” Hope said with an expressionless face.

“Hi.” A small voice came from Hope’s left.

“Sup cap!” Carli said as they broke into a handshake. Hope stood still. She kept her sunglasses on, to hide how frustrated she was with the girl.

“Hi, coach.” Kelley shyly said.

“O’Hara.” Hope looked away and up and she could see out of the corner of her eye, the frown on the girl’s face.

“Cap. Why don't you go start the warmup? We’re going to scrimmage today.” Hope heard Carli say.

They both watched her sprint away.

“You're so harsh, FIFA.” Carli chuckled as she made her way closer to the girls so that she could split up the team's after they finished their warm up.

 

~~

 

“What the f- did you see that??” Alex called out to her coach.

Alex got back up and gave a little shove into a Heather Mitts’ chest.

The older girl just chuckled and then rolled her eyes and walked off.

“This is what I meant by being a distraction, mittens.” Hope called out. “Morgs! Come here.”

“Why are you taking me out?” Alex put her hands up and then jogged over when she saw her coach's expression.

“Free kick from the spot!” Hope called out.

When Alex came closer, “Hey. I want you to go to Sydney. Check to see if it's all okay.”

“Coach. I'm fine! Why are you taking me out? She's the fucking maniac out there!”

Hope closed her eyes. “Language, Al.” She heard Carli call out from her side.

“You want to know why?” Hope asked. She leaned in closer so that only her captain could hear. “Because you're the player I care about. Now go. Coach Lloyd will take you.”

Alex hung her head but she followed Carli out.

“Is she okay?” Kelley asked as she stepped off the field and watched her best friend walk back to the gym.

“Are you going to get back in the game?” Hope said as she looked at the field.

“Are you mad at me?” Kelley quietly asked.

Hope sighed and put her hands on her hips.

“What did I do wrong?” Kelley clutched her chest and stepped closer to her coach.

“Cap. Just get on the field, and we will have a talk about you skipping O’Reilly’s class later.” Hope growled.

“I- HAO doesn't usually care-it's not-”

“I don't care if O’reilly doesn't care. Did I not just have a discussion with you about-”

Hope was too frustrated to finish.

“Just get on the field.” Hope said as she turned and walked away. Yelling really loudly was never her style. When she felt like doing it, she just walked away.

“But I'm really sorry, coach!” Kelley called after her.

Hope walked all the way to the far end of the field and observed Ashlyn set her feet when Christen charged the box.

 

~~

 

“Is it good?” Hope asked.

“Yeah. Just a little knock on the ankle. I'm just going to sit out for today. That's what Syd said.” Alex said.

Hope nodded and they both stood on the sidelines.

“Did O’Hara talk to you today?” Hope asked.

“Mmm. Nope.” Alex bitterly said.

“Your mom told me that she's staying with you guys. Is she staying there tonight?” Hope turned towards her captain.

“Ummm. I-I don't know, coach.” Alex said. A little confused as to why Hope was talking about this.

“I really want you guys to fix whatever you guys have going on- CRYS! GET RID OF IT BEFORE YOU GET IN TROUBLE!” Hope turned back towards the girl next to her.

“It will make things a lot easier.” Hope reasoned.

“Having this fu-freaking...” Alex struggled to find a word she could use to describe Heather Mitts that she could appropriately use in front of her coach. She elected to just say, “I hate Mitts, coach.

“Al. I...yeah.” Hope’s smile pulled at the corner of her mouth.

“KO has been a NIGHTMARE these past few weeks ever since she..” Alex shook her head, too frustrated to go on.

“Ever since what?” Hope looked at her.

“Ever since...Mitts has been talking to her.” Alex said bitterly.

“How did that...how did that happen?” Hope looked out at the college girl and saw the way she butt tapped Kelley.

“Kelley has a thing, coach.” Alex shrugged her shoulders.

“What thing?”

“A thing.. I don't know. A thing.” Alex said uncomfortably. “A thing for older women.”

 

~~

 

“How old are you?” Hope asked through heavy breaths.

“I'm 24.” Olivia panted.

“Sweet.” Hope said before she hastily unbuttoned the little buttons on the other woman's peacoat and then let her hands roam over the body that was underneath it.

“Fuuuck.” Olivia moaned. “I'm not supposed to be sooo into this one night stand.”

Hope stirred the woman's insides and played her body with brute force strength and contrasting soft lips, like a goddamn instrument. All of the right strings, all of the right chords. Hope gave the right amount of bite and fight, a lot of tearing down and bolstering, and Olivia was reduced to worthless pile of limbs.

Through the moans and the scratching, the skin and the saliva, Hope laid there by the other woman, feeling satiated. She rolled over to make that beautiful skin contact with her and nuzzle, but Olivia flinched.

“Oh. Umm, you don't have to cuddle with me.” She said slowly.

“Oh..umm..” the soccer coach felt embarrassed. That was her line.

“I'm just kidding, asshole. You better fucking have the decency to cuddle me for at least 2 minutes afterwards.” Olivia smirked. Hope happily obliged.

“You know, I haven't been with a woman since,” Hope pulled away to look at her, “the night of my graduation.” Olivia beamed.

“Oh god.” Hope playfully groaned. “Are you telling me that you're a straight girl?”

“Solo. Please tell me you're not being choosy about the pussy you just got.”

“You're right.” Hope said with a chuckled and encased the other woman in her arms, again

“You should be so lucky that I'm not kicking you out.” Olivia said with a small little smile as Hope peppered her with kisses.

“Are you saying I can stay? Good.” Hope smirked. “I'm going to take a nap now.”

“I was that good, huh?” Olivia said, laying her head on Hope’s chest.

“You were alright.” Hope shrugged.

She wasn't ready for the pillow aimed to smother her.

“Hey but seriously,” Olivia said as she propped herself on her elbows and gave Hope a longing look and a lip bite. “Was I okay?”

“Yeah.” Hope said softly. And she brought her in closer.

Olivia planted her sumptuous red lips onto Hope and the older woman felt this warm glow on her chest. She felt lucky.

“So I've seen you with no underwear on and I know what it feels like to be inside of you, can you tell me anything about you?” Hope asked. Olivia laughed at that. “What do you do?”

“I'm a personal trainer...” Olivia smirked.

“Explains why you're so hot.” Hope said.

“Well, aren't you so lucky?” Olivia said as she put Hope’s hand on her breast, and the other in between her legs.

“I am.”

 

~~

 

“THANKS, BRO!” Hope shouted as she slammed the back door shut. She put her head into the passenger side. “Five stars Julio. Fucking five stars. Grade a shit, bro.”

“Alright. Thanks Hope.” The young man said with a smile.

She tapped the hood of his car and drunkenly waved as he backed out of her driveway and she pulled out her phone to rate him the appropriate amount of stars in the app.

Hope felt the warm glow in her chest that she felt at the sight of her sexy, mysterious Cinderella, but it was exaggerated by the many glasses of wine that they had weaved into the night as they talked.

She looked down at the many little rocks that made up her gravel driveway and tried to muster up enough coherence to not trip. Because the heel on her boot was probably an inch high, but alcohol and heels, no matter how short, never produced anything good for Hope Solo.

And maybe since she was so drunk, her body just didn't know how to handle the surprise and shock of seeing Kelley sitting on the little steps to her outdoor deck. It had to be one in the morning and the only light out there was the halogen lamp that hung above her pool.

“Shi-” at the sight of her player, meekly waiting in front her house, Hope felt the weak sensation of her fingers letting her house keys slip through her grasp. And the older woman could feel her legs wobble as she bent down to pick it up, and her fingertips graze the gravel while she fished around for those damn keys.

“Coach?” Came a small voice right above her head. She saw a small hand pick up them up in one swift movement and Hope stood her body up, too fast. She stumbled.

And of course, the only person that could catch her, was the person that was _not_ supposed to be touching her skin.

The heat from the alcohol and the way it was making her feel when she had Olivia between her legs, made her take off all of her layers, and now the skin of her arms was exposed for Kelley O'Hara to touch.

“Little one. What are you..what are you doing here?” She slurred and she stumbled even further into the girl's firm grasp.

“Coach. Let me take you inside.” Kelley said quietly. She led her to the door, struggling to lead a taller and bigger, drunk person.

“Why are you here?” Hope slurred again, her eyes narrowed, her speech slowed, and her upper body hovering too close to the seventeen year old as she unlocked the door after sifting through the many keys.

“Why are you not with Alex?”

“She thinks I'm with Heather.”

“Why aren't you with Heather?” Since she wasn't entirely sober, she couldn't feel the way she was grinding the skin of her palm on the doorknob.

“I-I don't know.” Kelley said, not breaking eye contact.

“I may be overstepping. I'm sorry if I am. I just feel...safe. Here. Can I stay here tonight?”

 

~~

 

So Kelley did what her coach did for her last night. She showed her to the guest room, seeing as that was how far she could carry Hope. She heated up the hot chocolate from the night before for her coach to drink, and gave her a glass of water to chug before she slept.

The lazy touches on the small of her back as they walked and the one sided smiles of the usually brooding Hope Solo were too much for Kelley and her unquenched and misguided desires.

“Coach. Are you mad at me?” Kelley asked quietly once Hope had put down the glass and sat down on the bed with no sheets on them. She was hoping to enjoy the fact that maybe this prohibited, overage serum would provide some real honest, straightforward answers. None of those cryptic sentences that her coach left her with, a lot.

She saw as her coach flopped her upper body down into the mattress.

“I'm disappointed in you, kid.” Hope sighed.

Kelley slowly sat herself down next to her coach and searched the woman's face.

“What did I do wrong?” Kelley asked sadly.

Another sigh.

“You know, little one. The people that you keep around you on a constant basis, that's a choice.”

“Who are you talking about?” Kelley looked down at her nails and knew exactly who she was talking about.

“The girl that's taking advantage of you.” Hope lazily said as she put her hands over her head and let her body stretch out horizontally over the bed.

Kelley wasn't enjoying this drunken, unfiltered truth like she thought she would. Especially coming from this woman. She had indeed felt very safe being within these walls, and the unusual warmth she felt when Hope had become this different person to her inside of them, but the older woman's blunt statements were making her feel small again.

“She doesn't deserve you.” Kelley heard the woman say. Hope was still lying down with her eyes closed.

“What do you mean?” Kelley turned to study the woman's sleepy face.

“I mean.” Hope waved her hand. “I mean that I'm sure you can find someone else.”

“Who?”

She saw the way Hope laughed and it rippled through body.

“I hear the whole football team would love to date you.” Kelley watched the way the woman smirked and then closed her eyes again, probably due to exhaustion.

“I don't want a boy.” Kelley pushed. She took a deep breath. “I want a woman.”

_I want you._

Kelley saw the way Hope’s body went rigid and the way her relaxed muscles were now unnaturally still. Her eyes still shut.

The silence was so loud.

The young girl counted the seconds that the silence rang in their ears while she also counted the number of belt holes in the brown leather strap that was buckled onto Hope’s hips.

_1-2-3-4-5._

That was how many holes that Kelley would have to bypass before  she could unlatch that leather strap and unzip those tight jeans that were on the long legs of her coach, so close to her body.

Still, the silence was king and pretty soon, Kelley's couldn't help how her heavy breaths were beginning to fill the air.

“I took your advice, coach.” The air in her lungs escaped her as she tried so hard to curb this desire to grind the center of her body on this lying figure.

“What are you talking about?” Hope slowly opened her eyes, and Kelley had this urge to put her hand over the dri-fit fabric of her shorts right down in the middle.

“Your advice. About telling her to go ‘up’.” Kelley said through a shaking voice. She could feel her pulse in her fingertips. And this urge to touch and to throw caution to the wind was slowly enveloping every nerve of her body.

“Up? What are you- I don't know what you’re talking about..” Hope's voice trailed off, and Kelley saw the way the older woman was starting to drift further away into a slumber.

_I just want to be let in._

Kelley looked at the zipper of Hope’s jeans for a long time. She counted to ten, she could have counted to a hundred. The number of times her heart beat in that moment was definitely more than that.

_Please let me in._

The pulse in her fingertips. The dilation of her eyes. The flush of her cheeks. The engorgement of that pleading, begging fold in the center of her body.

Kelley put her shaking palm on the crook in between Hope’s strong legs.

“Yeah. Your advice.” Her voice was cracking. “I told her to go up.” She said as the fingertips of index and middle finger dragged a trail of rousing pressure from the bottom, _up._

Her coach’s eyes shot open.

Kelley panicked and her fingers twitched in the right place. She wanted to cower in fear as the muscles in her coach’s abs tensed as the older woman slowly pulled herself up and dug her palms into the mattress. Kelley wanted to remove her hand as the nostrils on her coach's face flared and the sinews in her jaw muscles flexed.

The young girl wasn't sure if it was anger or what, but the light in the guest room hadn't been turned off, and Kelley could see the way Hope’s blue eyes seemed to have become dark and black with some kind of emotion that she didn't quite understand.

But still, her coach hadn't said a word, and Kelley's fingers were still where they were a few seconds ago.

Right-left. Right-left. Right-left. Right-left.

That was the movement pattern of Hope’s darkened, blazened eyes as they bullied and intimidated the submissive honey brown eyes of the girl. Kelley was frozen, and curious.

The young girl almost flinched at the sudden sensation of her coach’s left hand cradling her chin and turning her face away from her with a swift and commanding movement. Kelley closed her eyes when she felt on the dermis of her cheeks, the heat of her coach’s wine breath kiss her skin. She felt this sinful touch of the woman's lips just barely grazing her earlobe. And she heard the most erotic sound of Hope’s low and husky whisper:

“Did it feel good?”

A shock went through her spine and the blood in Kelley's body went straight to her clit.

With closed eyes, and a heaving chest, Kelley cried out a whimper and a breathy, “Yes.”

She didn't dare open her eyes when she heard the most satisfying sound of the jingle of Hope’s belt being unbuckled. She lamented the departure of Hope’s calloused fingertips from her face, but her coach was still slowly, and heavily breathing in her ear. And she felt the woman loop a possessive hold on her side with her other arm.

Her coach's breath was ragged. And filled with want. Kelley could hear the rustle of clothes and she slowly opened her eyes to see that her coach had pulled her jeans down to her knees.

Kelley gulped at the sight of her coach in some kind of black underwear.

“Can you show me?” The older woman growled into her ear.

Kelley felt Hope bury herself into her ear and the shivers it was sending all throughout her body is what prompted her to put her young and hesitant hand over that black underwear and try to mimic what she had done to herself, and what some college girl had done to her in the back of a car.

It was warm and it was wet. And Kelley moved her fingers at a slow pace as Hope’s breathing grew louder and louder.

Right-left. Right-left. Right-left. Right-left

That was the movement of Kelley's first three fingers over her coach's pussy.

“Fuck.” She heard Hope breath so desperately and tenderly.

“Did you do this to her?” Hope’s low and ragged voice broke through the arousal that was simmering inside of Kelley O'Hara.

The young girl nodded and she felt the tip of Hope’s nose graze her cheeks.

“Please keep _fucking_ going. _”_ Kelley felt Hope’s hand grab a bunch of her hair and scrunch it up and bring the base of her head closer to her coach's body.

“Am I doing it right?” Kelley whispered.

_I want to please you._

But she didn't dare stop the motion that had made her coach do things that Kelley had only dreamed were possible.

“Move it aside.” Hope growled. The older woman pulled her head back so that Kelley could see the even more savage craving in Hope’s frenzied eyes.

Kelley gulped and licked her lips which were dry. She hesitated.

“Move it aside.” Hope commanded. Kelley could see that her jaw was clenched and her teeth were set and something about the way Hope always got into Kelley's psyche, made the young girl use her index finger.

She hesitantly moved the thin fabric of her coach's panty aside with that finger, without breaking eye contact with this mesmerizingly sexual figure in front of her.

Kelley's fingertips felt the slickness of the velvet skin of Hope and she bravely watched the way this woman's lips tried so hard to not tremble. The only sign of pleasure was the way the older woman licked her lips. That, and the increasing amount of wetness on Kelley's fingers.

Up and down. Right and left. Clockwise and counter clockwise.

Kelley closed her eyes again at the very first time she felt Hope’s lips on her. It was a sweet one. On her left cheek.

“You're doing it right.” Hope whispered.

Both of their chests were heaving and Kelley's wrist was aching, but so was the space in between her legs, begging her to do what she's always wanted to do. Please the person who mattered the most.

She felt the slight pull of her hair, and her coach's teeth hovering over her earlobe, as the older woman started to shake.

Kelley could hear the sound of Hope’s slickness and skin being rubbed together. She could hear the small moans that Hope was trying to hide, but was being escaped into the her own hair. She could hear her coach’s belt jangle as her legs shook.

“Fuck.” The older woman clutched Kelley closer, pressing their skin _hard_ into each other as the young girl felt her strong and beautiful coach tighten, and then ultimately _release._

Kelley recalled from the night before that she had experienced this same thing in the same bed. And through panting breaths, she knew that she had done something right.

 _Maybe not all of it. Maybe not in the best way. But I did something right._ And all she wanted was for this person to tell her so.

_Please just let me in._

She waited in anticipation as this older woman came back up from the best feeling in the world. The feeling that the human race surrounded their lives around.

 

~~

 

Hope felt like grunting or growling. She felt like doing something that could let out all of the emotions that were pulsing, pumping, and thrusting through her muscles and her blood. She knew she wasn't a man, but she just wished she could consume this girl, hump her, destroy her, slap her. She felt all these things when she had this girl's hair in her face and she couldn't see, but could only feel her face on her body.

She keeled over and even though she was drunk, the instant she felt Kelley's small hand over her denim jeans, she had been stone cold sober. Maybe the desire had overtaken her system.

When she opened her eyes and saw Kelley's widened and shy expression, she didn't want to decimate. She just wanted to caress.

Hope didn't break her soft eye contact with the girl as she pulled her underwear and jeans and boots completely off of her feet, and threw them further from the bed. She got onto her two feet and stared down at this red-faced teenager.

Like a predator, she preyed.

And she looked down at the literal submission of this underage girl in her bed. Thoughts of Kelley's moans and the thought of Kelley with wide open legs were causing her to breathe heavy again.

Hope tapped underneath Kelley's chin to signal her to stand up. The girl obeyed. Hope tugged her by the waistband and she walked backwards as she brought her and this girl closer and closer to the dresser right behind the taller woman.

Hope maneuvered their bodies so smoothly so that they had switched places and Kelley was clumsily hitting the back of her thighs on the edge of the dresser. The girl looked down to get her balance, but Hope could already feel the excitement of her control.

“Sit.” Hope said softly, yet commanding. Kelley put her palms on the edge and Hope lifted the girl and her legs up by the crooks in her knees.

The older woman placed both of her hands on the top of the dresser on both sides of Kelley’s thighs and whispered.

“Can I kiss you?”

Hope watched the way Kelley furiously nodded and looked on with fear.

“Are you afraid?”

The girl nodded again.

It was power. And it felt arousing.

Hope felt the way Kelley shivered and whimpered when Hope trailed her fingers up her small arms. She looped circles and curves into her biceps and trailed up the girl's neck, and then cupped her face.

Slow and soft, and expertly hesitant, Hope planted her already wet lips onto the small lips of Kelley O'Hara.

And she felt it in her bosom, how forbidden and depraved, and how...fucking amazing it felt. Her hands could feel Kelley's neck crane and her young lips beg for more. The whimpers escaping from her lips were wondrous.

Hope drove both of them crazy, drove them both insane. The younger girl had bunches of the woman’s tank top in her balled up fists, pulling her closer. Begging for more.

“Open.” Hope said softly as both of their lips were parted. She felt Kelley hesitate, unsure of her coach’s instruction, and Hope gave a sweet peck of her lips.

“Open your mouth and let me in.” Hope whispered softly, and the instant she felt Kelley’s lips part, she felt the young girl's tongue on her own, and that was the first time Hope Solo experienced with her _own body_ , how it felt to hear Kelley moan.

Lips and tongues and the sweetness of Kelley's mouth and what it could do, filled Hope's brain.

Hope put her mouth on Kelley's neck and ravaged the surface area. Up and down the neck and around Kelley's ear, and Kelley was nowhere near relaxed and quiet.

“Does she kiss you like that?” Hope whispered as she resurfaced and pressed her upper body into that of the younger girl.

Kelley furiously shook her head as her chest heaved.

“Open your legs.” Hope whispered.

When Kelley didn't comply. Hope gripped the girl's knees with each hand and her eyes seemed to ask, _Can I?_

She saw the way the teenager gulped and nod ever so slightly.

She pried them apart slowly. And she could already see the smallest spot of wetness in the red fabric of her shorts and Hope could smell _all of Kelley._

She could see the fear in her eyes so she softened her up with these sweet, yet fervent kisses while she slyly rubbed her thumb over the young girl's clit. It was a tiny button Hope knew exactly how to push. Over and over. She was agonizingly _good_ at what she was doing.

“Please let me in. I just want to be let in.”

Hope begged into Kelley's ear. And at this point, Kelley had no desire to resist any command, any order from this beautiful commander, dictating her every move and every moan. The young girl nodded.

 

~~

 

Kelley watched and her heart was beating rapidly as her coach was pulling her shorts down to her ankles at a painfully slow rate.

She wanted to look away when this woman who mattered the most, opened her legs once again and looked at her for a long time.

Kelley felt like shrinking into herself. Hope was looking at her pussy, all of her on display, wide open. She felt ashamed. Because there was no place to hide.

She turned her head to the side.

“Don’t.” Hope growled. Kelley heard genuine anger in her voice.

Kelley felt Hope grab her body and scoot it closer to the edge of the dresser, and whispered into her ear, “Don't do that. You're beautiful.”

Kelley felt like crying. Out of gratitude and realization.

“It's the part of you that brings you the most fucking amazing feeling. Don't. Do. That.”

Kelley felt Hope’s teeth sink into her neck. And the girl cried out a plea for her to keep going.

_Hope’s tongue is magical._

That's all she could think as it roamed her thighs. She felt a little scared as she saw Hope slowly kneel.

“Don't be scared.” Her coach whispered.

It was soft. It was loving. And she felt the reassurance of her tone as Kelley leaned her back into the wall as Hope pushed her legs even farther apart.

“You smell so good.” Hope said, her voice laden with want.

Hope kissed her left knee. Her right knee. Hope’s hand gently pushed them even _further_ apart.

Kelley looked down at the woman's face in between her thighs and everything was throbbing.

“Please.” Kelley begged when her coach was trailing her mouth on the inside of her thighs.

“Please. Please. Please. I _fucking_ want you.” Kelley begged as the heels of her palms dug into her eyelids.

Kelley watched the way her coach smirked when she pulled her hands away.

She watched when Hope crossed the point of no return.

 

~~

 

Hope rolled her tongue over Kelley's folds and almost passed out from the dizziness of the taste in her mouth.

 _I want more_.

She licked and swallowed. She sucked and spit. She set the motion and stuck with it because this young seventeen year old was already so fucking wet.

She heard the most beautiful sound of Kelley let out a single moan of Hope’s name. It was vulnerable, and it was never how she was supposed to hear a student call out her name. It was frightening, awakening, and dismantling.

It drove Hope to savor. It was delicious and she gripped Kelley's sides to stabilized the vibrating torso of the teenager.

Kelley let out moans and begs. To keep going. To not stop.

And if it was possible, Hope would never stop.

“Hope I-I-I’m gonna..”

Kelley managed to say through heavy breaths. It was a marathon, unlike the sprint it was with most males. And Hope could see the genuine way Kelley's mouth was twitching, and her fingers were waving furiously, and her body was starting to arch.

Hope tapped her fingers on Kelley's hips to let her know:

_I'm here. I'm ready._

The older woman pinned her down as Kelley let obscenities flow from her mouth as the release wracked her body. From her core to her limbs. It flooded to her extremities.

Kelley’s toes curled and then, it was over.

The battle was waged and they both won. The younger girl let the pleasure roll over her skin and she sat there leaning against Hope’s chest, whe she stood back up.

The older woman carried the limp and useless limbs of Kelley to the bed, leaving the pool of wetness of their lovemaking, on the dresser.

 

~~

 

She sought safety.

She had just been stripped of her bottoms and she felt exposed. She hoped that the older woman would respond. She hoped that when Hope came back to the bed from shutting off the light, that she would let Kelley do it.

The girl found Hope’s body in the dark and nuzzled into the crook of her neck and put a possessive arm across her torso.

_Please let me in._

And her coach did let her in. Kelley smiled with content when she felt her coach bring her in closer and let their bodies rest right next to each other.

They both let the darkness of the night take them.

 

~~

 

There was a bounce in her step. Kelley made sure to make the cup of coffee exactly how she had done it the morning before.

_It's how Hope likes it._

It took her forever to measure the right amount of coffee for her to plop into the French Press. She made sure to add the _exact_ amount of sugar. And just a dash of creamer.

When the water boiled, Kelley felt the lingering reminders of her coach's mouth on her and the way the woman breathed into her ear. She felt a sense of belonging to the woman. 

Because the fifteen minutes she spent at the back of Mitts’ Camry didn't mean shit compared to what went down in Hope Solo’s guest room.

_I belong to her._

Kelley grinned at the thought. It didn't have to be a big deal that she was her coach.

_It’s legal._

She carried on with what she assumed was the most important task: making Hope her morning coffee.

Her heart skipped a beat when she heard footsteps on the tile, and she saw the most beautiful sight of her coach in the tank top she was wearing last night, with her underwear back on.

“Good morning.” Kelley said, the breath taken out of her. She watched the adorable way Hope rubbed her eyes and ran her hand through messy hair.

“Kell?”

“Yep!”

“What happened last night?” Hope asked with a painful expression. The older woman was rubbing her temples.

“I think I'm a little hungover. I don't remember anything.”

 

~~

 

Hope looked up from her head in her hands at the loud commotion of the mug in Kelley's hand, and the girl’s heart, crashing to the floor.

 

 

 ~~

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Wretched (wretchedthorium.tumblr.com)


	5. Drug-Induced Dimension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She brushed off the ache of seeing the fallen face of this naive girl, but both felt the power shift back to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why not start 2017 off right, with a new chapter?

\--

  


The look on Kelley’s face was too hard for Hope to stomach.

The sound of her stainless steel mug crashing to the floor was appropriate enough for the moment, and Hope felt like she was quite possibly, the worse person on this planet when she watched Kelley try to clean up the spilled coffee with a rag that was by the sink.

“Are you okay?” Hope asked tentatively when she grabbed the roll of paper towels on the counter and knelt down next to the girl. The woman wanted to try to give her some mercy, some grace. Something that she decided she wasn’t going to give to Kelley when she opened her eyes and heard the sweet sounds of Kelley humming a tune to herself in the kitchen.

Hope thanked the universe that the teenager wasn’t in her bed by the time she woke up. She turned on her side to see her discarded clothes on the floor and it hit her.

 

_I slept with a student._

 

She hoped that the squeezing sensation in her head would be a sign that it was all a dream, but the warm and wrinkled spot in the pillowcase right next to her that smelled a lot like the honey-hinted essence of Kelley, and bare bottom half of her own body told her a different story.

The older woman felt the grain of the wooden door to the guest room on her forehead as she listened to Kelley move about in the kitchen, singing some song at a quiet volume. Hope shut her eyes tight, smashing her eyelids together, hoping that the muscles would sting her as she mentally tortured herself with what her next steps would be.

_I can’t have done this. I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have done this. What...what am I going to do now? How-_

She slid the knuckles in her hand down the grooves in the indented patterns of the door as her whole body shook with anxiety. She dug her nails into the paint so hard, that white chips of the lacquer on the door got stuck underneath her fingernails.

_I have to turn myself in. I have to tell the principal. I have to -_

She slid down the door, her forehead still leaning on it, and now she was on her knees, begging this barrier to stay in place, to be her fort, to keep her safe from the reality of her decisions. She didn’t dare let the tears fall, but when she turned her head to look at the bed that she had effectively taken advantage of one of her students in, she kneeled in her spot for a good ten minutes before her hands stopped shaking.

“Um y-yeah. I’m uh..Yeah.” Kelley sputtered as she furiously wiped the rag across the marble tiles while on all fours in Hope’s kitchen. The woman could see how flustered the girl was, and this was a different type of situation in which Hope never wanted to see Kelley on her knees.

“Hey, hey. Stop.” Hope said quietly. She felt the sadness on the girl’s body roll off in waves and she continued to rip some sheets off of the paper towel roll and lay them down on the floor.

“Little one.” Hope crouched down and lifted her face up by the chin so that she would look at her.

Big mistake.

Disappointments that Kelley had shouldered, ones that Hope knew nothing about, were instantly visible and passed on for the older woman to bear. Those eyes. Those sad eyes that were reminiscent of Hope’s heartbreak back in the day, delivered Hope into a state of remorse.

She made the split second decision to play the classic ‘too drunk to remember’ card when she had spontaneously gotten the courage to venture out into the kitchen, but the ruins in Kelley’s stare were gunning her down.

“I’ll clean it.” Hope said softly. The weight around her eyelids were heavy and filled with sadness that mirrored that of the girl across from her. She watched the way Kelley looked down at the floor for a moment too long for it to mean nothing. Hope couldn’t stand it.

“Come here.” Hope whispered. She stood up in front of the girl and gently grabbed her up by the arms, but Kelley stayed, with her knees still on the ground. She watched as Kelley slowly lifted her head, her brow intensely furrowed. Something changed. From the split second that Hope had touched her to bring her up, something in the rigidness of Kelley’s body, told her that something had changed.

And then, Hope saw Kelley’s jaw clench, and give her a bone-chilling, powerful glare. One that seared into Hope’s skin and into her soul. And the threat layered within it, was evident.

_I know you know._

And even though Kelley was on her knees, Hope was at her mercy.

  


~~

  


It was when Hope touched her again. That’s when Kelley felt it.

It came with the same confident and reassuring lingering of skin she felt last night, and when she felt the older woman gently tug at her arms to pull her up, something shocked her in her chest and it resonated throughout her whole body. That something was the same feeling she felt when Hope first whispered in her ear, “Did it feel good?”

And this adrenaline, this sensation, one that had her fingertips pulsing with her heartbeat, is what gave her the strength to show her dominance, to spread her scent all over this situation. Because even though she was a sexually inexperienced throwaway, a thorn in her coach’s side, she was still Kelley O’Hara. And everyone outside of these walls, and outside of the walls of her childhood home, knew that she was a force to be reckoned with.

_I know you know._

And her relationship with her coach was always a push and pull of who could gain dominance on and off the field. Usually Kelley was unsuccessful, but in this moment, the twitch in the older woman’s eyes told her that she was the alpha.

Nevertheless, she stayed on her knees and looked up at her coach and a small little smirk turned up on the right side of her mouth. She felt Hope drop her arms, instantly.

“Kell.” It was a warning.

It may have been a sneer, or a lurid look that she gave the older woman, but it seemed to say:

_I got you._

“Please.” Hope said with raised eyebrows and a defensive posture as she looked down at the challenging leer on Kelley's face.

On all fours, she let her muscles in her shoulders flex as she slowly slithered to the retreating figure of Hope. Kelley didn't think it was possible to be turned on by the fear in Hope’s eyes so early on in the morning, but she watched with satisfaction the way her coach backed up and stumbled and sat on one of the kitchen chairs.

Kelley brushed her fingertips on her coach's knees and watched as the woman put her palms over her eyes and her chest heaved.

_I have her._

There was no excuse this time. The woman didn't have the safety of blaming alcohol, because the way this woman was already breathing heavy at the touch of Kelley’s fingers on her knees was telling.

The girl’s breath was ragged and loud as she ran her palms down the smooth skin of her coach’s shuddering thighs. Kelley ran her hand down the whole length of them, gripped the back of the wooden chair on the sides of Hope’s torso, and pulled herself up and settled right onto the woman’s lap.

Hope still had her eyes buried within her palm, but Kelley gently laced her hands around them and slowly pulled them apart to open her up. Her chest ached at the ease of winning Hope’s compliance and also at how broken the older woman looked. Because this tough exterior, this rugged wall, this terrifyingly beautiful pair of blue, muddled eyes, looked more tortured than Kelley had ever seen.

The girl didn't have much experience when it came to these things, but her instinct took over and she knew that she had to be soft. Her challenge and her dominance were to be put back into her pocket and she was to be gentle.

She gingerly put her lips on Hope’s forehead and closed her eyes as she felt the older woman let out a long and shuddering breath.

“Please, don't.” Hope whispered. The girl hovered over her face and she could see everything. The pain, the temptation, and the power she held over her.

“I can't help it.” Kelley whispered back.

She leaned into a passionate, longing, and sober kiss with Hope Solo.

Blood was rushing everywhere and she instinctively ground the part in between her legs into the lap of the woman beneath her. She ran her tongue all along the brim of Hope’s mouth and looped her arms possessively around her neck over the back of the chair. She fused her lips into the woman's and hoped to god that she was doing it right. And the way Hope grabbed her sides and was pushing and pulling her to a beat that was drumming her to another earth-shattering, gut churning orgasm, told her that she was doing it right.

She could taste what morning skin on Hope Solo tasted like, and she could hear the glorious sound of Hope whimpering, succumbing, and obeying. She could feel the strong body underneath her holding her up, just to unwind her.

“No.” Hope breathed out.

She quickly grabbed Kelley closer with one arm wrapped around her lower back, and the other around her upper back. She held Kelley still. She halted the rhythm.

“I can't.” Hope said through heavy breaths. “I can't.” She repeated. Hope quickly lifted them both and she held Kelley up so that she was standing after Kelley’s legs were slowly sliding down to the ground.

The coach put some distance between them and she wiped her mouth from the evidence.

The girl just stood in her spot, stunned and unsatisfied. Her chest was heaving as well, and there seemed to have been a standoff.

“I want you.” Kelley said slowly and surely. She felt the air in her lungs escape her with that last word.

She took a step forward. Hope took one back.

“Stop.” Hope ordered.

“No. You stop.” Kelley sneered.

She closed the distance between them, knowing that Hope had nowhere to go since she was backed into the kitchen counter. She got on her tiptoes to plant a soft kiss on the woman's lips, but felt the sting of a familiar rejection when the older woman turned away.

  


~~

  


Hope felt trapped. As she walked to the side garage and unlocked the car that she vowed she would never drive to school, she heard Kelley’s footsteps.

“Whoa.” The girl said.

Hope threw her bag into the backseat and shook her head at the fact that Kelley didn't have her backpack. _How does this kid get the grades she gets?_

“Why do you drive that car when you could be driving _this one??”_ Kelley asked as she looked at the convertible Porsche that Hope had thrown her stuff into.

“Just get in, Kell.” Hope said out of frustration.

“Why are you angry with me?” She heard the girl's small voice and the way it was approaching her side. Her body tensed.

“Don't. Touch me.” Hope growled as she felt the heat of Kelley's hand over her elbow.

She whipped around when she felt the skin of Kelley's disobedience on her and she pinned Kelley to the side of the car.

“Don't!” Hope roared. Her voice was strained with both a command and a plea.

Kelley cowered.

“Why not?” Kelley whimpered.

The soccer coach heaved a sigh and she planted both of her hands on each side of Kelley onto the sides of her car and lowered her head onto Kelley’s right shoulder.

She let herself breathe in and out. In and out.

“Because.” Hope said in defeat as she rubbed her forehead side to side on the girl's shoulder.

“You're seventeen.”

She continued to breath in and out, knowing that her whole body was trembling.

“Don’t put me through this.” She begged. The plea came straight from her heart.

Hope looked up and quickly grabbed the small hands that were reaching out for her. She intercepted them and gave them a squeeze and put them back by Kelley's side.

“I said don’t.”

“But-”

“Let me take you to school, where you're supposed to be.” Hope said through clenched teeth.

“Why are you treating me like this?” Kelley asked with eyes that were on the brink of tears but filled with anger.

“I'm not doing this with you.” Hope snarled before she made her way to the driver’s door. She managed to get it open before she felt a small hand grab the crook of her arm and swing her around.

“Why not?” This time, Kelley's eyes were filled with tears. And every cell in Hope’s body was urging her to not make the same mistake she did last night. She couldn't give into this AGAIN. She needed to push it away. Further and further away. She needed to push Kelley away.

“Because last night was a mistake.” Hope said fiercely. She brushed off the ache of seeing the fallen face of this naive girl, but both felt the power shift back to her.

“And you're just a kid.”

  


~~

  


Alex looked into the locker room mirror as she dried her hair with a towel. She carried out her morning routine in getting ready for school after her last cross country practice.

_Thank god that's over._

She was able to survive her fourth and last year of dual athletics in soccer and cross country without getting compartment syndrome. She felt accomplished. And exhausted.

She watched the brush in her hand in the mirror as she combed through her hair and her mind went haywire from the stress she was harboring. _School, Kelley, soccer, my future, my grades, my parents, my -_

 _“_ Hey, Al.”

Alex turned to the side to see Tobin going to her locker.

“Hey Tobs. Where ya going?” Alex asked when the midfielder quickly made way to leave when she dropped off her stuff.

“Oh um..yeah. I'm going to go see Leo.” Tobin said meekly as she scratched the back of her neck.

“Oh.” Alex said as she slowly let the brush comb through her mane.

“Are you meeting him down by the history hall where Chris and and them are?”

“Nah. I'm meeting him by the water fountains.” Tobin was looking at her feet.

“Okay.” Alex said with a sad smile. “Cool.”

“Cool. See ya later, Al.” Tobin quickly shuffled out.

When the midfielder had turned the corner, Alex felt her shoulders sag and she put the brush down.

“You know that it's not real. You know that it doesn't mean anything.” She heard a voice come out of nowhere. Alex didn't even need to look up to know who it was.

“Doesn't mean it hurts any less.” Alex said in a defeated tone.  She felt Kelley’s arms loop around from behind and embrace her.

“If it makes you feel any better, my morning has been pretty shitty.” Kelley whispered into her ear.

“Everything between us doesn't have to be a competition, little one.” Alex sighed.

“I know.” Kelley said. She put her chin onto Alex’s shoulder and looked at her best friend's face in the mirror.

“I need you.” She said after a quiet moment.

“Are you okay?” Alex said, her face was still filled with sadness.

Kelley shook her head. And Alex could see from the way she burrowed into her back, that Kelley was definitely not okay.

“Look at me.” Alex said as she turned around to look at her friend.

Kelley didn't comply.

“Look at me.” Alex ordered again. “What happened? Did Heather do something to you?”

Kelley just brought Alex into a hug and said into her chest, “I did it.”

“You did...it?” Alex asked over Kelley's head.

“Yeah.” She felt the hot breath of Kelley's whisper through her cotton shirt.

“Well then...” Alex’s eyes darted back and forth trying to figure out what the right questions to ask were, “How was it?”

She felt Kelley further nuzzle into her chest as she shook her head.

“Di-did it..did it hurt?” Alex tentatively asked. Because her and Kelley used to be in the same boat, totally inexperienced when it came to having sex with girls.

“Yeah.” She heard Kelley whimper before she felt the girl in her arms start to shake from her sobs.

  


~~

  


“Hey Tobinha.” She heard the boy say quietly.

Tobin wordlessly watched as he slung his arm around her left side and bring her into this awkward one-armed hug.

The midfielder jutted her chin up so that his shoulder could be brought closer to her body and she felt the warmth of his chest on hers.

“I brought you...and Christen.. a cup of café.” Leo rolled his eyes at the mention of their friend’s name and they both chuckled. Tobin looked at her hand as he grabbed it and felt a warm and safe feeling as he led her down the hallway so that they could meet their friends.

In her head, her thoughts louder than the the sound of her own breathing, she couldn't shake the observation that Leo was purposely walking slower so that they could have more alone time.

She watched his eyes and the way he smiled as he talked about something she wasn't really paying attention to. She caught the mention of his mom and figured that he was going on another one of his rants.

_He's such a good guy._

She thought about the way his fingers felt strong as they laced around hers. She thought about how his height next her made her feel secure, and how his cologne brought on images of super buff men in shirtless ads.

“I hope Maricela put the right amount of sugar.” Leo said cautiously as Tobin brought the brim to her lips. “I told her that she overdid it last time.”

Tobin smiled once the perfectly brewed concoction slipped warmly down her throat.

“It's good. It's awesome.” She said with a small smile.

“Good.” He said softly.

She squeezed his hand in gratitude. Because no one had gotten this close. No one had been let in this far into her bubble, and he was taking the due care she had non-verbally warned him to take. And he showed up with coffee. Good man.

“Heyyyy!” They both looked at the direction of Crystal’s voice.

Tobin slowly let go of his hand, as Crystal smirked.

“Is that café for me?” Christen asked. She let out her arms and wiggled her fingers until Leo placed it into her hands.

“Thank you.” Christen breathed in the steam and the smell and shot the boy a small and genuine smile.

“De nada.” Leo said as he playfully rolled his eyes.

“Toby. Maybe you could buy Messi here a cup every once in awhile.” Christen winked at her. “For the both of us.”

“No. _She_ doesn't have to buy me one. _You_ do.” Leo laughed.

“Why just me?” Christen asked with a tilt to her head and a smirk on her face.

Tobin's cheeks grew hot and she sat down next to the girl instead of answering her.

“You need to cool it.” Tobin whispered to Christen. She had a grin on her face and Christen looked at her with this stare that made Tobin squirm.

“Make me Toby.” Christen whispered back.

The hot coffee-laden breath kissed Tobin’s skin, and the midfielder tried to rub out the goosebumps that were sprouting underneath her long sleeve shirt.

The midfielder leaned into the safety of the boy that sat on her other side. But not before she saw Christen lean her head back against the lockers and smile at her for a long time.

  


~~

  


Hope rubbed the area of her sweatpants over her thighs and tried to rub the perpetual sweat that gathered on her palms. Her feet jiggled as she sat on the chair outside of the principal’s office.

She jumped when the door jerked open.

She looked up to see her boss escorting a very disgruntled boy that she recognized as Jerramy’s football boys.

“Hope?”

She watched the way Sunil fixed the front of his jacket and looked at her with concern. All the work she put into wiping her palms dry of the sweat were reversed the second she met his stare. She felt the upward shoot of a sour taste in her mouth from her throat.

“Hope. Are you okay?”

She didn't dare open her mouth. She needed to do this once and for all. She needed to let it all out. She had committed the ultimate transgression as an ‘educator’ and coach.

She felt the weight of it as she was surrounded by the adults that comprised of the front office. The ‘administration’ as they were referred to. The group that treated her for what she was, a coach, a mockery of a teacher. Amongst her peers, she felt the reality of what she had done last night, _and_ this morning.

At the sight of the desks, the adults and their business casual attire, she felt the room spinning.

So she let it all out.

Literally.

Hope ran to the small wastebasket that was a few feet away and threw up the bile in her stomach.

“Uhheeeeeeeewww.” She heard her boss call out.

Two or three heaves and Hope finally felt good enough to stand upright and wipe the saliva from her lips.

“I'm not feeling well.” Hope said with a little chuckle. “I think I gotta go home.”

With a disgusted look, Sunil nodded and gave her the go ahead and an order for the woman at the front office to find a sub.

  


~~

  


“Well shit. I really do need to google you.” Olivia said as she looked at Hope as she locked hercar and walked up to the woman who was standing outside her gym.

“Take off work.” Hope said as she neared the other woman.

“I can't.” She smirked. “Plus. Don't you have school?”

“I'm skipping.” Hope said as she put her index finger in between the waistband of Olivia’s waistband and her stomach. She tugged her forward so that their bodies were close together.

“Whoa, Solo. I said I would give you the keys to my gate so that you could pick up the car that you clearly don't need, considering you just rolled up in that.” Olivia said as she pointed at the black convertible. “I didn't say that you could come and distract me at work.”

“I'm distracting?” Hope asked as she stepped closer, her finger still where it was.

“Yes.” Olivia smirked. “And I'm working.”

“Then take a lunch break.” Hope inserted another finger, making that _two_ fingers into the woman's waistband

“It's 10am, Solo. I'm not that hungry.”

“Really? Because I want to eat.” Hope growled. At this moment she didn't care that there were gym members walking in and out, she just wanted to fuck this woman.

Olivia had a small smile on the right side of her mouth as she debated her next move and Hope was growing more and more impatient.

“Fine. Come with me.”

Hope swiftly stayed on the heels of the personal trainer and let the door to her office click shut behind her before she felt the woman’s lips on her neck. And for a good 30 minutes, Hope was too busy to think about the other girl who was in her mouth last night.

  


~~

  


“Well nice of you to come to class.”

“Sorry HAO.” Kelley said as she ducked her head.

“It's fine, O’Hara, just remember you're only allowed a certain amount of unexcused absences.” Heather called out.

“Yes ma'am.”

Kelley sat in her usual spot in the back and took out her phone the instant that the PowerPoint slides were being projected on the screen, and the lights were dimmed.

 **Al:** u know I just don't want you to get hurt. 2:32 pm

 **Cap:** I kno. I'm being careful. 2:42pm

 **Al:** I know u want me to support u. And I will but does that mean I have to like her? 2:43 pm

Kelley sighed. She tapped away into her keyboard: She's not the one that hurt me.

Then she deleted the message.

 **Mitts:** yo Stanford. 1:32 pm

 **KoH** :  am I just a kid to you? 2:43 pm

 **Mitts** : I mean you're a high schooler. 2:45 pm

 **KoH** :  -_- you had no problem with it yesterday. 2:45 pm

 **Mitts** : I'm not saying I have a problem with it ;) 2:47 pm

Kelley's heart fluttered at the sight of that message. She pressed the back button and opened her conversation with Alex.

 **Cap** : just be there for me. No matter what. 2:48 pm

 **Cap** : just like I do for you. 2:48 pm

 **Al** : ok.  3:01 pm

 **Al** : ur right. 3:03 pm

  
  


~~

  


Hope watched as Paul closed the door to her RAV4 and hesitated before he joined her where she sat on the small steps to her deck.

“Surprised you call me.” He said without looking at her.

“Paul.” She said seriously. She looked down at her shaking hands. “I seriously fucked up.”

“Oy, well what is it?” He asked when he looked at her.

She just gulped really hard because that sour taste was starting to come up her throat again.

“Hey.” He grabbed her shoulder when he saw the fear wrack through her body. “I was there when Seattle happened. It can’t be that worse. Spill it.”

 

“I wish this was Seattle.” Hope said with a fear set too deep in her eyes. Paul looked at her with a curious stare.

“You kill someone?” He asked slowly.

“No.” Hope gulped.

“Then I can handle, bruv. What happened?” He asked.

Hope wrung the skin around her ankles and she held her knees to her chest as she sat on the wooden steps. She rubbed her shoulder and avoided his stare and shrunk. She knew why she had called him. It wasn't to help her move her car back. It was because this was the one person she knew she could tell.

“You want a drink?” He asked after several moments of silence.

She nodded. He got up and navigated the house that he had been in many times and made way for the bar.

“Shit.” He muttered to himself when he watched as Hope chugged the whiskey that was classily poured into the glass.

“You want mine?” He asked incredulously. She took it wordlessly and gave it the same treatment.

“You want more?” He asked with widened eyes.

Hope nodded.

“Well you ain't gonna get it. So just spill, Solo.” He crossed his arms. He watched as Hope got onto her feet and paced back and forth. He listened to the gravel crunch underneath her boots as she went up and down the driveway.

“Alright. I'm gonna ask some questions.” He said resolutely.

Hope looked up at him and nodded.

“Okay.” It was a good sign that she was complying.

“You sure you didn't kill anyone?” He said with raised eyebrows.

Hope nodded. She resumed her pacing. He listened to the patter of the crunch underneath her boots.

“You steal anything? Cars? Money? Nuffing?”

Hope shook her head. _Crunch. Crunch. Crunch._

 _“_ Uh..you rough someone up. Send em to the infirmary?”

Again, Hope shook her head. _Crunch. Crunch. Crunch._

 _“_ I don't know. You got plastered. Did something stupid?”

He saw Hope nod her head. _Crunch. Crunch. Crunch._

 _“_ You sleep with someone you shouldn't have?” He asked.

She nodded again. Continued to pace.

Paul laughed. They have had this conversation before.

“You sleep with S?”

“Ugh. God no.” Hope said, she threw her hands up while she paced.

“Just asking man. You sleep with a man?” He asked with widened eyes.

“Over my dead fucking body.”

“Hey. You did it once before.” He shrugged.

“Fine. You slept with a fucking troll?” He chuckled.  

Hope shook her head.

“You slept with a coworker?”

“No.”

“Fucking 21 questions already. I know you banged that bar girl. But that's not something to get all wound up about. You sleep with someone you're not supposed to?”

He looked up when he heard Hope boots slide in the driveway as she came to a halt. Silence. He saw that she had her back to him, and she was stock still.

“It's okay if it was S.” He offered gently.

“It's not.” He heard her say quietly. She resumed her pacing.

“What's the deal, Hope? You know I don't judge who you lay with.”

No answer from the woman.

“What, you sleep with Carl?” He chuckled. He was stunned when that didn't earn him a laugh.

“Well what the fuck? You sleep with a parent?”

“No.”

“You sleep with a student?” He chuckled.

Absolute silence. He didn't hear the crunch of the gravel. But he saw her put her face in her hands. Her tell tale sign. Boom.

“Solo?” He needed confirmation. He watched as she crouched down. That was all the confirmation he needed.

“A player of yours?” He asked as he looked down at his hands. The sight of his friend was too much to handle.

“Please stop asking me questions.” She begged through new and gentle sobs.

  


~~

  


“Hey, Kell!” Sydney said as the girl walked into the training room. “Don't you have class?”

“I finished all of the homework and now everyone is just sitting around on their phones. Can I chill here?” She put her prayer hands and scrunched up her nose so that she looked adorable. It always worked on Sydney.

“Tell you what, kid. Principal walks in or a teacher, you better have an excuse. Deal?”

“Deal!” Kelley said. She excitedly hopped onto the training table and watched the trainer take inventory of all of the supplies.

“What's on your mind, superstar?” Sydney asked when she looked up from her clipboard.

“Syd. What's coach Solo like outside of school?” Kelley asked as she picked at her nails.

Sydney laughed. “Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.” She peered up at the girl. “Why do you ask?”

But really, Sydney already knew.

“Just wondering if she's always such a grump like she usually is to me.” Kelley pouted.

“She is.” Sydney said as she closed the first drawer and opened another one. “But she can be sweet. When she wants to be.”

“When is she ever sweet??” Kelley asked in disbelief. The sting of rejection and the silent car ride to school was still buzzing around in her brain, leaving her heartbroken, but mostly confused. She came to Sydney for some reconnaissance.

“Oh cmon, Kell.” Sydney smirked. “She's always sweet to you!”

Kelley looked at her like she had three heads.

“Did you get hit on the head?” Kelley asked.

“No,” the woman chuckled, “but it's true!”

“Please blow my mind, Syd. Because I have no idea what you're talking about.” Kelley chuckled. She leaned on her palms that were digging into the trainer table, when Sydney put her clipboard down.

“Easy. Remember your first year here, when you sprained your ankle and she carried you into the training room?”

“Yeah?”

“I've NEVER seen her do that for anyone. Anyone.” Sydney said with satisfaction. “She always sends another player to go with them. But she takes care of you.”

“Yeah but she bitched at me the whole way there, telling me to stop slide tackling!”

“Was she right?”

“...maybe.”

“Okay. Remember that game against- I don't remember- but you got that concussion because some girl basically karate kicked your ear off?”

“Yeah.”

“Remember how she got ejected from the stadium because she chewed that refs ear off? She hasn't done that for someone else.” Sydney said with raised eyebrows.

“Okay. I guess. Whatever. But now all she does is get on my case. She treats me..ugh.” Kelley ruffled her hair.

“Remember when that whole cap comment was made? Remember how she pulled your jersey aside for you? I’m telling you kid, she likes you.” Sydney said with a smirk.

“Why does it feel like she's always irritated with me?” Kelley asked quietly.

“Listen. I've known Hope for a while now. She is so proud of you, kid. There is no other player of hers that I think she admires as much as you. That's why she expects more from you.” Sydney shrugged.

Kelley nodded and looked down at her lap.

“By the way, who is this Olivia person?” Kelley asked quietly.

“L-O-L. How do you know about Olivia?” Sydney chuckled when she grabbed her clipboard to resume her work.

“Heard her and coach Lloyd talk about her.” Kelley said with a shrug.

“Ah. Well.” Sydney hesitated. But she figured it would be best if she were the bearer of bad news. Let the girl down easily.

“Yeah, that's coach Solo’s girlfriend.”

  


~~

  


“Alright. Well she's seventeen. That's good!” Paul said.

“Are you on crack??” Hope asked.

“No, but the age in Georgia is sixteen, innit? It's legal, yeah?”

Hope put hung her head and then took a big swig of whatever drink her friend had whipped up. She groaned.

“It doesn't matter!”

“What you mean it doesn't matter? That's everything!”

“It doesn't change the fact that she's..s” Hope counted down the difference on her fingers, realizing that even though the sun was still up, the alcoholic drinks were still getting to her and she needed the help of her fingers to do simple math. “I don't know, like eleven years younger than me!”

“Still legal!”

“That's such a man's way of thinking!” Hope said disgustingly.

“Well guess you joined the likes of us, eh?” He raised his eyebrow. She chugged the rest of her drink.

“I'm going to jail.” Hope miserably drowned in the sea of mistakes she made within the last 24 hours. And the copious amount of alcohol mixed in it.

“Listen. You're not. She's not going to tell anyone.” Paul reassured.

“She's a kid! Plus it doesn't matter, Rogers! Parents trust me! I-I-I’m supposed to be in charge of these kids! They're supposed to be...fuck.” Hope chucked the glass in her hand and they both watched it sail in the air and shatter to the ground.

He let her settle. She tried to breath through the anxiety rising through her drunken system.

“Who's the girl?” He asked quietly.

“Paul.” Hope warned through the fingers covering her mouth. “The less you know. The better.”

“Alright then.” He nodded at that. And it was true. Hope knew that she would have to go down for this. Might as well save others.

She stared at the gravel driveway and as alcohol swirled around, her eyes sought out the crazy patterns that the rocks formed in her vision, as her mind started to realize how lonely this world had just become.

_What would Carli think? What would Syd think? What would everyone think. Would I go to jail? Would I lose my job? I could never work with kids again? Can I even work anymore?_

_No. She's seventeen. It's legal._

_She's seventeen. That's eleven years younger than you._

_Technically ten because she's turning eighteen soon._

_Why am I not allowed to think this way?_

_Why is Paul so...okay with this? How am I supposed to think? Why? Why am I attracted to her? Is it just affection for someone that I think has potential?_

_No, because you let her put her hands down your pants, you pervert._

_Fuck. Am I pervert?_

_No! I'm not that dude from Lolita. Okay? Give yourself more credit Hope._

_Then what the fuck??_

_Fine, it's legal. But what does that mean? What kind of person am I? Is it legal if she’s a student? If i’m her coach?_

_This hasn't happened before. I look at all the other girls at that age and I don't feel that way. I don't - oh god, I'm a fuckin-_

“Can you stop doing that? You're scaring me, bruv.” She heard Paul’s voice. She opened her eyes to find herself on her back on the ground, grinding her teeth. She looked up to see him standing over her.

“How did i end up on the floor?”

“You're fucking mental.” He chuckled.  He slowly lowered himself and laid down next to her. They both stared up at the sun.

“What are you going to do next?” He asked softly.

Hope gulped. “I have no clue.”

“Bruv. Your life's not over. Just gotta sort it out.” He offered.

“How? I'm too drunk to process this.”

“Good thing you're home. Listen, you going to talk to her?”

“Should I?”

“Are you going to sleep with her again?”

“No.”

_Fuck. I don't even believe myself. It's a good question. Will I sleep with her again?..._

_“_ Then talk to her. Find out where her mind is at. What happened to that other girl? The one from the bar?”

“I slept with her.” Hope said through closed eyes. Her body was becoming languished. She couldn't even feel the pebbles that were pushing into her back.

“Hey!” He nudged her to consciousness. “Before you pass out. You'll sort it out. I promise. Okay?”

She nodded. And then she closed her eyes and let her body take her to  the drug-induced dimension, the oblivion of her mind.

Paul sighed. He sat up and stirred around the complications that his friend had made for herself.

_This is a fucking mess._

He stared at the passed out woman next to him. He thought she was going to finally talk to him about Harvey's proposal, but he didn't anticipate this.

But he was used to Hope’s messes. They would figure this out.

He got up on his feet, used the power in his legs, and carried Hope’s body as easily as breathing. He laid her down in her bed, put a glass of water on the side table, and tucked her in like he did almost every other weekend.

  


~~

  


Kelley stomped her way to the fields, making her the first one to arrive. She shook her head at the injustice of it all. She tied her cleats _extra_ tight and imagined she was hanging her coach’s neck with the laces. She huffed and puffed and angrily kicked one of the balls from the ball bag that she volunteered to take, something she hasn't done since she was a freshman.

“Whoa, Kell. Chill.” Alex said as she hopped up to go and pass the ball around with her.

“No Alex!” Kelley yelled. She kicked at the ball bag again. The other captain looked around and was thankful that no other teammates had gotten out there yet.

“Hey. You're going to find someone-”

“She has a fucking girlfriend, Al!” Kelley yelled. She ran her fingers through her scalp and angrily pulled at her ponytail. Kelley was too furious to sit still and now that she had her cleats on, it was ON.

“Okay. I get tt. But I looked on her Instagram and there is no picture of a girlfriend and that bitch posts everything-”

“Trust me, Al. She does.” Kelley clenched her fist.

“Okay. Well good riddance! You deserve better!” Alex offered. She got one of the balls out from the bag.

“No fuck this. I'm taking someone out today.” Kelley said with her hands on her hips and her jaw clenched.

“Don't.” Alex warned. “Not your teammates. Coach Solo would fucking murder y-”

“Well FUCK COACH SOLO!” Kelley yelled. She kicked the crap out of the ball when Alex had passed it to her, sending it off into the abyss.

“Like I said. You need to chill.” Alex said calmly. “I'll make Mal get that.”

Kelley tried her hardest to get rid of all of the fury boiling in her blood, but the thought of seeing this woman who had done her completely wrong was enough to carry her anger with her throughout the whole day.

_“Yeah, that's coach Solo’s girlfriend.”_

_I wanna throw up. I want to fucking murder someone. I want to-_

At the sight of her teammates filing onto the field, Kelley felt herself crumble. She sat down in sudden defeat and watched Alex juggle the ball as the rest of her teammates shuffled their way to the field and put on their cleats.

_I want to cry._

She sat in a daze and let the sadness suddenly take over. Because the thought of seeing the woman that had rocked her world, the one that had made her feel this amazing feeling, the woman that had seen _all of her_ , was making Kelley feel small again. And helpless.

Because the fact that she had avoided room 123 (Hope’s classroom) all day was the reason she was able to bravely hold the anger. But now when she was on the soccer field, Hope’s home court, she felt like she was put back into her place.

_She doesn't want me._

_“You're just a kid.”_

_Age isn't something that I can control! I have my shit together! I'm not going to tell anyone! I.._

_You don't have your shit together. Your parents don't want you, Heather barely wants you, and now.._

_“_ Ladies!” Kelley turned around to see coach Lloyd calling out to them. “Line up. We’re scrimmaging. Uh.. O’Hara and Morgan, split em up.”

“Where’s Coach Solo?” Tobin asked curiously as she let the ball drop down to her feet.

 _“_ Sick. So I'm stuck babysitting you guys.” Carli said with a smirk. “Scrimmage and then you guys go home.”

Kelley stood there, unsure of how to feel. Even when she split up the teams evenly, she wasn't even sure if she should feel angry, or just plain fucking sad that Hope didn't want to see her.

  


~~

  


“Aren’t you the guy from the bar?” Olivia asked curiously as she walked up the deck to Hope’s house.

“The one and only.” Paul said as he raised his bottle to her from his seat on the patio set.

“Oh. Um.” Olivia hesitated. “Are you..are you like..are you Hope’s...boyfriend??”

Paul laughed.

“I think I just threw up.” He chuckled. “No. I'm Paul. I'm her friend. Known her for a long time. She's in there...indisposed.”

“Ah.” Olivia walked over to join him at the table. “She told me to come over after work, and she's what....drunk?”

He nodded with a smile.

“The sun hasn't even gone down yet.” She shook her head. “Party girl?”

“Something like that.” He said with a grin.

“So maybe you can help me out. Tell me more about her?” Olivia asked with raised eyebrows as she pulled out the chair and sat down with him.

“Have you tried googling her.” He suggested.

“I've thought about it. Should I?” She asked.

“I'll just give you the summary. Wanna beer?”

“Most definitely.” She smirked. He got up to get another one.

  


~~

  


“Hey. So are you staying at my place, now?” Alex asked. “I mean she's back In Florida by now, right?”

Kelley nodded.

“I missed you.” Alex said gently.  “It doesn't feel like my house anymore when we aren't eating your cooking.”

“Your mom loves my cooking.” Kelley laughed. It was a little strained, because she took the whole practice to realize that she had truly been rejected and thrown aside by the person that mattered the most.

_She can't even handle seeing me._

“She does. We all do. I uh...I told my mom that you were staying at Ash’s when you were with her.” Alex said.

“Thanks, Al.” Kelley shot her a small smile. “I do have to go see Erin, though. I'll probably go see her tonight. Maybe I'll be there later? Is that okay?”

Alex nodded. “Are you going downtown? Do you need me to drive you?”

“No. I'll just have her pick me up.” Kelley said.

Alex looked at her with one eyebrow cocked up. “Are you _really_ going to see Erin?”

Kelley rolled her eyes. “Yes, Alex Morgan. I'm really going to see Erin.”

“Are you sure you're not going to see Mitts?”

“Check her Instagram. Is she in Florida?” Kelley asked with a smirk.

“True.” Alex surrendered. “I just...worry about you. Okay?”

“Don’t.” Kelley reassured. “You have other shit to worry about. I know how stressed you have been. I'm here. I'm okay. Now let's not always talk about me. I want to know if you're okay.” Kelley nodded over to where Tobin was standing next to Leo on the sidelines where the boys were practicing.

“I'm okay.” Alex said unconvincingly.

“This is why we are best friends, Al.” Kelley said as she put her arm around her shoulder.

“Why?” Alex asked curiously.

“Because we know when each other is lying.” Kelley said softly.

  


~~

  


“Where did Kelley go?” Ashlyn asked as she walked Alex to her car.

“She said Erin picked her up.” Alex said with an eye roll.

Ashlyn looked at her curiously.

“She's up to something.” Alex said in explanation.

“You should just follow her one day.” Ash said simply as she tugged at her backpack straps.

“No.” Alex sighed.

“Why not?”

“Because I'm afraid of what I'll find out.” Alex said simply. She leaned on her car and her friend followed.

“Kelley’s...something special.” Ashlyn smirked. They both chuckled.

“I'm afraid she's up to something...again.”

“With Mittens?” Ashlyn asked.

“Maybe.” Alex said thoughtfully as she watched Tobin and Christen walk to the black-haired girl’s car. Alex shrugged.

“I don't know. She's just been extra shady for awhile now.” Alex said with narrowed eyes when she heard Tobin laugh really loudly at something Christen said.

“Yeah well it's little one. She's always shady.” Ashlyn said simply.

“Yeah. But.. she's _super_ shady. I don't know. I don't know how to explain it.”

“Hey. What do you think about Tobito talking to Leo?” Ashlyn asked when she realized what her friend was staring at.

“What do you mean?” Alex felt the heat in her face as they both watched Tobin get into Christen’s car.

“I mean.. i don't know. It's Tobin!” Ash chuckled.

“It's bullshit, is what it is.” Alex said grumpily.

  


~~

  


“Thanks for taking me, CP.” Tobin said quietly.

“No problem, Tobs.” Christen shot her a dazzling smile. “I'm sure, Messi is super bummed that he couldn't take his princess home.”

“Yeah..” Tobin looked out the window.

“What do ya-what do you think about all of that?” Tobin asked.

“Whatcha mean?”

“I don't know. Like..what do you think of him?” Tobin looked down at her hands.

“Well...” Christen chewed on her lip as she thought on it. “He's super into you. And he's cool. He's nice. I mean the guy buys me coffee. And he does it only because I'm your friend.”

“He's your friend, too.” Tobin defended.

“Yeah...but Leo never did that stuff until he started hitting on you.” Christen said with a smirk.

“He _really_ likes you, by the way.” Christen said softly. She looked over at her friend. “He's a good guy.”

“Yeah.” Tobin said with a small smile.

“It seems like you may be into him...too?” Christen asked as she put her eyes back on the road.

_I should. I should be into him._

“Like you said,” Tobin waved at her. “He's a good guy.”

  


~~

  


“Hey little booger!” Erin excitedly yelled. She brought her little sister into a bone crushing hug.

“How did you get here?? Come in, come in.”

“Oh. Hi.” Erin said with a chuckle when her little sister refused to let go.

“Hey.” She said softly when she combed through the wispy hairs on her sister’s head. Erin planted a little kiss and put her chin on top of Kelley's scalp and brought her in. “Are you okay?”

She felt Kelley shake her head.

Erin looked over at her husband and signaled him to go to the other room. He happily obliged.

“What's wrong?” She whispered.

Kelley shook her head again.

“Okay. Come with me.” Erin shut the door and guided her sister further into their apartment.

“Is it mom and dad?” Erin asked darkly when they sat on the couch.

Kelley shook her head.

“Is it that trashy hoe?” The older sister asked with narrowed eyes.

“Er. Please.” Kelley sighed.

“Fine. First. How did you get here? Alex drop you off?”

“Nope. I uber’d.”

“Who is paying for that...?” Erin asked with a glare.

“Um...mom's credit card.” Kelley said with a guilty grin.

“Ugh. Child. Here.” Erin got up, reached into her purse, and then handed her little sister a twenty. “Mom will get pissed.”

“I've been using it and she hasn't said anything..” Kelley shrugged.

“Yes she has.” Erin rolled her eyes. “She’s been bitching at me.”

“Oh.” Kelley said sadly. She pocketed the twenty.

“Cmon Kell. Have you eaten?” Erin asked gently.

Kelley meekly shook her head.

“Well let's order takeout.” The older sister said simply.

“No.” Kelley shook her head. “You've already done too much for me.” She said quietly.

“Yeah well, you're my sister. So do what I say and order some food.” Erin said with a smirk.

“Er. I don't want to-”

“Hey. I'm your guardian, okay? So do what I say.” Erin said with a shrug.

“I feel bad. You already pay for everything.” Kelley said as she curled into herself.

“Yeah well I got money. So, it's all good in the hood, dude.”

“Erin. I don't know if this is even going to work.” Kelley said defeatedly.

“Well if it doesn't, then you'll take a break and then go the first route.”

“Then this would have all been for nothing!”

“No! Not nothing. You have to try. Is this what's wrong with you?” Erin asked gently.

“No. But now I'm being reminded of all of the shitty decisions I'm making!” Kelley grabbed onto her sister for another hug. “Ugh! I'm such a fuckup!”

Erin rubbed her little sister's back.

“Then what's wrong?” She asked.

“I messed up.”

“Well I gathered that. But what did you do this time?” Erin asked with one raised eyebrow.

“I did something...embarrassing.”

“What could possibly be more embarrassing than dating Mittens?” Erin asked incredulously.

  


~~

  


Mr. Rogers rubbed his eyes and walked down the lines in between the wooden planks on the deck that he could see from the lights in the house. It was getting late, so he found himself satisfied that he could walk a straight line. It had been a few hours since he had finished the fourth beer with Hope’s new - whatever she was. He felt safe enough to drive.

He swung his keys around on his finger and debated on whether he should go and check on Hope before he left. _Why not?_

He made sure the glasses were put away and the beer bottles in the recycle bin. He closed the door to her bedroom when he saw that she was drooling on her pillow after he put two pills of Advil next to the untouched glass of water.

He locked the front door with the spare key he had on his own set of keys, and turned on the yard lamp that Hope usually left on during the evenings.

He swung his keys as he walked back to his truck, but stopped in his tracks when he saw a car slowly coming up the driveway.

He watched with a heavy guard, unsure of who had just entered onto the property. He stood still in his spot and when the other person killed the engine, you could only hear the jingle of his keys.

He saw a small pale girl get out from the driver's side and looked on curiously.

“Hey. You're uh..Kelley O’Hara..that's your name, right?” He said as she hesitantly approached him.

“Yeah.” She said with a confused grin. “You're that maintenance guy from the club...um.. Paul?”

“Yeah!” He said, grinning. “I thought I recognized you. Hell of a player. I keep telling Solo that you need to go pro.” He said kindly.

“Well...thank you.” She said shyly.

“Yeah. No problem. I used to run the women's squad out there for awhile after I got injured. Before I made the move to the states. You could hang at the level.” He said with a grin.

“I..I don't think you know how much that made my day.” Kelley said as she clutched her chest. “H-how do you know H-coach Solo?”

“We've been mates for a long time. Too long.” He rolled his eyes. The he furrowed his brow. “What you doing here so late?”

“Oh um.” Kelley picked at her nails. “I was just seeing if Coach could.. I just needed to talk to her.”

Paul caught his swinging keys in his hand, and he clenched them tight, so much that his knuckles were white.

It hit him.

The realization washed over him as to who exactly the girl in front of him was.

 

 

~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Wretched


	6. It’s Only Love if it’s Requited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s up, tobs?” Hope asked quietly, as she burrowed herself into her jacket even more, knowing that she would have to settle in for this talk. A talk she felt she needed to be present for, one that required her expertise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUTHOR'S NOTE: I know that a lot of us in the USWNT fandom would love for 2016 to not have happened. It was a shitty year. On and off the field. But this chapter is my way of saying that somethings that happened in our world in 2016, should never be forgotten. The pain of those that are different from us, should not be forgotten.
> 
> If you are just looking for a baseless O'Solo fic, this isn't it. This is so much more, at least to me.
> 
> Also, PARDON GRAMMATICAL MISTAKES, I DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO PROOFREAD THIS TIME. I'll go back and do it tomorrow.

~~

 

 

Hope's eyes shot open at the familiar sound of the Paul's truck engine revving to life.

 

_Another hangover._

 

She felt like maybe she should stop this streak of bad choices, but her life path was filled with those, and she knew that if history was of any sort of indicator, well, she knew what the next days would look like. She sat up and unsuccessfully tried to rub the discomfort from her cheeks and then the goosebumps from her arms, as the chills started creeping up her body.

 

Then she heard a loud knock on her door. The goosebumps resurfaced.

 

She limply opened the door, with a sense of defeat, when she looked through the peephole and saw the outline of the only kid in her life that would be at her door at midnight.

  


~~

  


“Hey. Are you okay?” Alex said when she managed to glance over at her best friend in the passenger seat. “Did something happen with Erin?”

 

Something was different about Kelley this whole week, Alex observed. Kelley was calm. That never happened.

 

Instead of being her alarm clock every morning, or restlessly shoving Alex out the door, or singing while she cooked the whole household some kind of breakfast, the freckled-face girl had started her day in a quiet calm. Kelley woke up at an appropriate time, she had wordlessly gotten dressed, only tapped Alex once to wake her up, and then served herself a bowl of cereal. Dan Morgan was silently missing the days when his morning coffee was already brewed by the time he had woken up.

 

Since cross country had ended, they didn’t have to get up so early anymore. Alex had craved quiet mornings since her best friend had moved in, but now, after the fourth day of all of this, this muted version of Kelley O’Hara was just...creepy. It was odd. It was off.

 

“Is it because we haven’t been having real practices this whole week?” Alex tried again, when she got no response.

 

“I’m good, Al. What’s up?” Kelley asked when she broke her zoned out gaze from the window to meet Alex’s eyes.

 

“Dude..” Alex shook her head. “You’re not good...I’ve never seen you like this.”

 

Kelley rolled her eyes, but then her face softened a little.

 

“I’m okay.” Kelley whispered.

 

Alex sighed. “I wish you would just fucking talk to me.”

 

They both looked out at the passing cars and the yellow markers on the road and they way they zoomed by in their vision. Kelley felt like she was losing her control over things in her life, just as fast as those line markers were passing her by.They were both silent the rest of the way to school.

 

Once Alex put the car in park, Kelley grabbed her wrist which was still on the gear shift.

 

“In my own time, okay?” Kelley said softly.

 

The silence in the car and the silence from the girl across from her is what chilled Alex’s bones. Because something was really going on. And she knew that in their relationship, she would have to give her counterpart some time.

 

Alex nodded.

 

They set out to go and meet their circle of friends before class started. A new part of Alex's morning ritual since she didn't have cross country. Back in the day, she hated that she had to run while the rest of her friends hung out, but nowadays, she rued those long distance runs. They were the perfect excuse.

 

“Are you going to be nice, today?” Kelley asked with a smirk as they strolled down the hall.

 

“Yes.” Alex said with an eye roll. “I'll be good.”

 

But really, she didn't know if she would be. Because Tobin and Leo were getting on her last nerve. And since she was a senior, Alex Morgan had decided that she was done with all of the bullshit. She didn't want to deal with it.

 

But Kelley was the one reeling her back in, making her feel guilty about wanting to be antisocial from her good friends.

 

Because Alex didn't have a problem with Leo or Tobin, individually. She had a problem with them being together. _Or whatever they are._ And if it was up to her, Alex didn't want to be fed so much bullshit so early on in the day.

 

She hung on Crystal and chatted with her about some drama going on with some of the football boys, she talked with Christen about some physics homework they had due today. She talked to Ash about a girl named Ali that was thinking about trying out for soccer next year.

 

All the while, she kept her eyes on Tobin, and the way her eyes were always downcast when she was talking to Leo and his other guy friends from the soccer team.

 

“Do you think she really likes him?” She heard Christen whisper into her ear.

 

Alex looked at her friend and then looked back at the midfielder who had Leo’s right arm slung around her shoulder.

 

“No.” Alex said confidently. “You?”

 

Christen pursed her lips and stroked her chin like it was a math problem.

 

“What are we talking about?” Kelley asked when she put her head in between their faces.

 

“Futbol royalty over there.” Christen answered without taking her eyes off of the couple.

 

“Lame.” Kelley said before she went to Crystal’s side to talk to her.

 

“I don't know, really.” Christen said softly. “I...” she turned to face Alex. “I hope for his sake, she does.”

 

Alex’s lips pushed together in a straight line, almost a grimace. But she nodded.

 

“I hope...she is...happy. Whatever she wants, I hope she is happy.” Christen said thoughtfully.

 

For a good two seconds, Alex closed her eyes while she let the guilt pour all throughout. Because Christen Press had just said the smartest, most compassionate thing, and as one of Tobin's friends, Alex was supposed to feel this way, too. But she just didn't.

 

Alex couldn't be happier to hear the class bell ring, signaling the start of class.

  
  


~~

  
  
  


“Do you think this sub is gonna realize that we aren’t in this class?” Ashlyn guffawed as she sat in the back right behind Ali.

 

“Probably, not. Just lay low. I’m going to take a nap.” Kelley responded before she pulled her hood over her head and settled her forehead onto the top of the desk she was sitting on.

 

“Hey, no! I did not bring you here so that you could nap!” Ashlyn said as she nudged Kelley.

 

“The only reason I'm here, is so that I can nap.” Kelley said as she waved her friend off. “Dude you don't need me here for her.” She said quietly.

 

“Since when do you take naps? I didn't even know you sleep.” Ash said with a shrug. “I swear, when you sleep over, I go to sleep at like 2 and I wake up at like 7 and it's like you haven't even laid down in your bed.”

 

“Which is why I want to take a nap now. Thank you very much.”

 

Kelley groaned when Ashlyn caught her forehead before it hit her desk to nap.

 

“Hey.” Ash said quietly. “I know what's going on with you.”

 

Kelley scrunched up her nose, but she wrung her hands which were underneath the desk.

 

“Nothing is wrong with me.”

 

“See, i'm different than Alex.” Ash said

 

“How so?” Kelley asked, curiously.

 

“Well. Like Alex, I know when you're lying.” Ash said thoughtfully. “But unlike Alex, I'm not going to judge you.”

 

Kelley sat on her desk and stared at the back of Ash’s head while her friend kept whispering the wrong answers into Ali’s ear.

 

It was true. Ashlyn usually was the one friend in her life who usually restrained from making a revealing a expression on her face whenever Kelley pulled one of stupid stunts. She usually let Kelley speak her whole thought before interjecting. The smaller girl sat and huffed. There was no way that she was going to be able to go any longer, dodging the answers on her sudden change in personality.

 

Kelley felt her chest do something weird at the sight of Ali smile at what she was sure was a bad dad joke from Ashlyn.

 

It made her feel lonely.

 

She let herself spin in these spirals of sadness at the absence of this woman who had the strange ability to send Kelley into a rare state of disquietude. She stared at the sub who was falling asleep in the chair that her coach usually sat in. She didn't know the literal reason as to why her coach hadn't showed up to school, but she had a feeling that it had everything to do with her. Kelley put her head down when the health video started playing the and she experienced a feeling no other person had ever made her feel: longing.

 

It was torturous.

 

It wasn't until Ashlyn and here were walking around aimlessly in between classes, too old and too much of seniors to care if they made it to class on time, that Kelley quietly asked, “Do you promise not to tell anyone?”

  
  


~~

  
  


“Wait, so are you and Heather over?” Ash asked as they sat on the steps leading to the second floor. She looked around to make sure that no one was around and in their own classrooms.

 

“I'm not too sure. She hasn't returned my texts.” Kelley said as she ruffled her fingers through her hair.

 

“So...” Ashlyn searched for the right questions. “It wasn't...good?”

 

“Heather was...drunk. And rude. And I don't know, she just kept-” Kelley pantomimed her index finger and middle going up her nose like a jackhammer.

 

Ashlyn doubled over in laughter.

 

“But in all seriousness,” Kelley tried to say through the laughs that sourced from her stomach, “it sucked. And then she passed out like two seconds after I told her to stop. And then one of her friends creepily hit on me. It was weird.”

 

“Were you okay?” Ashlyn asked with concern.

 

“No.” Kelley whispered.

 

“I was a fucking mess. And...”

 

“Wait. Was this the night of the college cup?” Ashlyn interjected.

 

Kelley's silence served as the answer.

 

“Okay. Go on. Where did you stay that night?” Ashlyn encouraged.

 

“Well...that's what I wanted to talk to you about.” Kelley said when she looked away from her friend.

 

“Well what is it, little one?” Ashlyn said quietly.

 

Kelley felt the warmth in her cheeks and the sweat in her palms, telling her that she wasn't supposed to be telling anyone this. That she wasn't supposed to be letting anyone else bear her secrets and her shame.

 

“I..” Kelley took in a gulp of air. She could still back out of this. “I. I. I. I. I-”

 

“You what?” Ashlyn swallowed hard. Kelley had never been like this before. So unsure and so hesitant. Her friend was usually so goofy or so mad or so... Kelley. Nothing like this stuttering, hesitant, unsure little girl in front of her.

 

“I slept with someone else.” Kelley said calmly after a few moments of silence.

 

“No way!” Ashlyn said excitedly. It was no secret that everyone had a problem with Heather Mitts. “That's awesome!”

 

“No. Not awesome.” Kelley said frustratingly.

 

“Why, bud? What's going on?” Ashlyn said as she put her arm around her friend.

 

Kelley stretched out the hem of the blouse she had on, the one that she thought might look nice on the day that Hope Solo might show up to school to see her in. She didn't want to look at her friend and feel the unwavering devotion that Ashlyn always had for her. It would most likely break through her wall.

 

“Hey. Cmon, Kell.” Ashlyn gently encouraged her.

 

“She has a girlfriend.” Kelley said when she looked down at the ground. She felt Ashlyn grip her shoulder tight.

 

“I'm sorry.” Ashlyn said.

 

“It doesn't matter. None of it does. She doesn't want-I don't-fuuuuuuuck.” Kelley hugged herself to find comfort in this shorty situation.

 

“Wait. Do you want something..with her? Like do you like her?” Ash asked.

 

“I. I don't know. I fucking love her.” Kelley muttered. It was low, but loud enough for Ashlyn to hear.

 

Kelley decided that that was all she was going to tell her friend. That was all she needed. No one needed to know the specifics, just the important part. The part that drove her existence for the past three years.

 

But then, she felt the odd way that Ash’s arm slipped off of her. It was slow and the way Ash’s fingers left her arm, it was strange and lingering, and Kelley looked up.

 

Her tall friend’s brow was furrowed and she seemed to be floored. Ash sputtered some words that Kelley couldn't quite decipher.

 

“H-how do you know you love her?” Ashlyn asked. And the rapt way she was looking at Kelley sent a chill down her spine.

 

“What do you even know about her?” Ash pushed.

 

“Well I-”

 

“Little one.” Ash said with a tone filled with a warning. “This is-this. I. This isn't going to-”

 

She closed her mouth. Kelley could see the red hint on Ash’s cheeks and the substratum of unease around her very alert eyes. And Kelley had no idea why her friend was so high-strung. She hadn’t revealed _anything_ really. So she met Ash’s with a questioning look.

 

“S-so yeah. So..you had sex with this girl?” Ash stuttered.

 

“Yeah.” Kelley shrugged.

 

“Okay.” Ash furiously nodded her head. “Cool.” Kelley looked down so she didn’t spot the way her friend’s eyes were bugging out.

 

“So..does she..Like...does she like...you?” Ash’s voice was so high pitched, but Kelley was so enveloped in her squalor that she didn’t detect the unusualness of it all.

 

“I don’t think so.” Kelley said.

 

“But she had sex with you?” Ashlyn asked, this time, the one confused.

 

“Yeah. She said it was a mistake.” Kelley threw her head back in disappointment and despair.

 

“Well, maybe it’s for the best, Kell.” Ash quickly offered. “Gotta be with someone who wants to be with you. Someone who...can...be with you.”

 

“She can be with me!” Kelley pushed.

 

“Okay...so..”

 

“I would do anything to be with her.” Kelley whispered, more to herself, than to her friend.

 

“Can I offer you advice?” Ashlyn asked quietly.

 

Kelley hunched into herself. Ashlyn knew enough to ask her, but the girl usually hated when she received unsolicited offers of knowledge. She was never the type to be told what to do (if you haven’t figured that out for yourself by now), that’s why she had the relationship she had with her coach, that’s why she was kicked out of her home.

 

But now, she really didn’t know what to do. And it was starting to become lonely. And Kelley hated that as much as she hated being told what to do.

 

She nodded.

 

“You are so awesome. And if this girl doesn’t want to be with you. Then it probably has nothing to do with you, and it has something to do with her.” Ashlyn put her hand on Kelley’s shoulder. “Which is not something you can control, babe.”

 

“B-but I just. I don’t understand! We had sex, and it was something.” Kelley pushed. “If there is anything I’m sure of, it’s that it meant _something._ ”

 

“Maybe.” Ashlyn nodded. “But, if someone can’t be with you, they can’t be with you, Kell.”

 

“So what am I supposed to do, Ash? Just somehow stop loving this girl??” The frustration was set in her face.

 

“Kell, it’s only love if it’s requited.” Ash said sadly.

 

Ashlyn realized that that was the wrong thing to say when it took the rest of the school day to get Kelley to stop crying.

  
  


~~

  
  


Hope took a deep breath before she turned the knob to enter her coach’s office. She had driven that damn car straight from the airport to the school, and she couldn’t believe that she had promised Carli that she would be here for the squad’s after school practice, and relieve her of the easiest job.

 

_You’re just fucking watching them play. You don’t do anything._

 

Because even though she had a surprisingly good visit to Seattle for business, she still hadn’t forgotten.

 

And at the sight of the pictures of the last three teams she coached here at Star Mills, she spent a good thirty minutes, banging her head against the surface of her desk.

 

That was until she heard yelling on the other side of her door. She quickly got up and pressed her ear to the wood.

 

“Go back to Univision.” She heard a male’s voice. She scrunched her face in confusion.

 

“Fuck off.” It was a familiar male’s voice. It was a growl.

 

“Nah man, why don’t you go back to fucking Mexico!” First male shouted.

 

“I’m not even from Mexico, you fucking dumbass!”

 

“Whatever. You’re all the fucking same. Refugees. Bringing the same shit. Bringing the drugs, the crime, and the rapists. Right Messina?”

 

Hope threw the door open, but not fast enough.

 

By the time she found the two boys, each three times the size of Leo, one had the soccer player in a chokehold, and the other one was landing some pretty damaging punches into the boy’s face and stomach. And Hope was fast, after all she used to be a world class athlete, but by the time she had reached the huge boys, Leo’s face was a bloodied pulp.

 

And Hope forgot all of her school district training on how to restrain a student. She really did. Because when she had reached them, her only instinct was to punch the kid on the side on his ear like it was a ball flying through the penalty box. There was skin and bones hitting the tile of the school hallway, there was wrestling, there were curses being spat out into the air. It was all a flurry, and all Hope knew was that fifteen seconds later, Leo was cast to the side, where he sat, with his mouth wide open, pooled with blood, and his expression slack, no doubt from the shock of the beating he endured. Hope had the puncher in Kimura joint lock, and she looked up with frenzied eyes to see Jerramy holding the arms of the other boy. She met eyes with her fellow coach, and all that could be heard was heavy breathing, and groans of pain from the student she had a hold off.

 

“WHAT IS GOING ON?” Hope looked up to see Carli, and a bunch of kids staring on with wide eyes, and pulling out their phones.

 

“Car, radio it in! 402! 402!.” Hope said through heavy pants.

 

“Fuck! You’re hurting my shoulder!” The boy in her hold yelled.

 

“Are you going to relax?” She growled into his ear.

 

“Fuck!” He yelled when she tightened her hold at the lack of his response. “Yes!”

 

Carli rushed back into her classroom and grabbed her walkie talkie and radioed it in.

 

“Relax.” Hope growled again. She untangled herself from him, but then swiftly put his stomach on the tile and then hiked up his arms behind him that he was immobilized.

 

“Alright, get back inside!” Carli yelled at the many students that were starting to spill out into the hallway. Hope didn’t look around, she only looked up to see Heather run and kneel in front of Leo, trying to provide some sort of comfort, anything, to give to him, while all of the teachers held their chest, waiting for the campus police to come and assuage the situation. Hope didn’t stare any of the students in the eye, but she knew that some of this was going to end up on social media. This wasn’t going to be good. For anyone.

 

“Are you okay, Messi?” Hope asked when she looked at the boy. She saw a huge pool of blood, staining his white Real Madrid jersey.

He gave the slightest nod, but his eyes were wet from tears and smeared blood.

 

When she heard the boots of the officers rushing to the hallway, she finally looked down at the boy underneath her.

 

She shook her head and heard her heavy breathing, when she realized it was the same boy that she saw leaving Sunil’s office the morning after she slept with Kelley.

  


~~

  
  


The soccer coach sat in a very uncomfortable chair, in a very uncomfortable office, having to answer very uncomfortable questions while she sat next to Jerramy, their arms almost touching.

 

She sat through thirty minutes of this, before she looked at her watch.

 

“Hey, I gotta go. Soccer practice is in five minutes.” Hope said.

 

“It’s all good, Hope. We got your account. We’re just going to finish up here with Jerramy.”

 

Hope nodded, and left the room, but not before she noticed that her fellow coach had yet to look at her the whole time they were in the office. He avoided her stare when she walked out.

  
  


~~

  
  


At first, she felt like the cool air was going to help her. It usually did. Usually the bite and sting of the temperature made her void of all feelings. Including the one bubbling up in her system right now.

 

She pulled her black beanie further down her face to hide it all, and pressed the heels of her palm over the material and her eyes, and hoped to god that her players wouldn’t show up on time, as the gentle sobs rippled through her body.

 

Most of the time, when this happened to Hope Solo, it was one or two drops of tears, while her whole body wracked with the actual pain. It was never the crying, it was never the moisture around her eyes, that was devastating to look at. It was that her whole body became a useless pile of bones, a human degraded to her infancy.

 

So that was how the girls soccer team found their coach at the start of their practice. A woman on her knees, too void of faith to look up to the heavens for an answer to why the world spun with animals filled with hate.

  
  


~~

  
  


“Is Messi going to be okay?” Crystal asked out loud.

 

“Just stop asking.” Alex said with force as she looked at a pale Tobin Heath. It was a solemn moment when their coach had walked away from them to give herself a moment.

 

“Alex, lead the warm up.” Hope’s voice was soft and cracked, and broken. And the team was rendered silent when this seemingly bulletproof, larger than life woman walked a distance away to pick up the pieces of her dignity.

 

The sight of the back of Hope Solo in the distance, with her hand over her mouth was somber enough that Kelley had forgotten all about her own despair. As she went through the motions of the stretches and the exercises, she kept her eyes on the woman on the other side of the pitch.

 

Kelley stared longily. Ashlyn analyzed Kelley and the expression on her face. Tobin looked at the ground. Alex looked at Tobin. And Christen and Crystal yelled out the directions and steps in the warmups because Alex was too distracted to do it, and there was no chance that Kelley was able to shoulder that responsibility, today.

  
  


~~

  
  


As soon as practice ended, Hope practically sprinted to her car. She rolled her eyes at the many students who were standing near her Porsche and sped off, ignoring every speed limit set, driving to the only place that was appropriate for the moment.

 

“Si él no le dice, lo haré yo.”

 

Leo glared at her. Hope shrugged her shoulders.

 

“Hey man, she’s going to find out.” Hope defended when she pointed at his mom.

“Te odio.” He said with a disgusted expression. His hands shook, but he realized that it wouldn’t be wise to charge a female teacher.

 

She found herself spending the next two hours, telling his mom, who spoke little english, what happened to her son. She had gotten her text during practice, but even if she didn’t reach out to Hope, the soccer coach would have dropped by anyway. She was so close to this family, and the only school teacher that understood how little his mom understood the language, and how their life circumstances made her unable to be much involved in his school activities.

 

Hope held the woman close when she saw the realization hit the woman’s face. It was followed by despair. Her expression was that of someone who knew exactly what her son was going through, a woman who never wanted her son to know what it was like. Leo, on the other hand continuously shook his head out of anger that his favorite teacher was betraying him.

 

¿No sabe que quiero protegerle? Hope asked impatiently.

 

Leo barked a sinister chuckle. “You don’t know how it feels, Solo!”

 

Hope’s body tensed, and she jumped up on the attack. “YOU SERIOUSLY THINK I DON’T KNOW HOW IT FEELS, MESSINA?! After all you know about me?!”

 

The boy clicked his teeth before he slammed the door to his bedroom, leaving Hope to stand in his living room, truly saddened.

  
  


~~

  
  


“I hope he’s okay.” Christen said out loud.

 

“Shit. I don’t even know if Tobs is.” She said as she nodded to the midfielder who was sitting in the passenger seat of Christen’s car, her mind a million miles away.

 

“I hope his mom will be cool with us, coming over.” Kelley said a little hesitantly.

 

“I think so.” Christen reassured when she glanced over at Tobin. “She loves me.”

 

“Everyone loves you.” Kelley threw back.

 

“True.” Christen said quietly.

 

“Are you okay, Tobs?” Crystal asked.

 

No response. No movement from the midfielder. Everyone looked at each other, knowingly. Ashlyn started commenting on the actual fight in order to fill the silence.

 

“Yo, but did anyone see Coach take the motherfucker DOWN?!?” Ash asked.

 

“Shit dude. Like, I knew bitch was strong, but like where da fuck she learn that MMA shit?” Crystal asked as she pulled out her phone.“It’s on my snapchat.”

 

She let it replay, and everyone in the backseat watched it.

 

“SHIT!” Ashlyn called out. “I didn’t know it was like THAT!”

 

Kelley silently chewed on the skin around her fingernails while Ash and Crystal kept talking about it. She watched Christen search for something to analyze in Tobin’s side profile, and then reach out and grab something. Kelley looked down at the console to see their interlocked hands, and then up at Tobin’s face to see her eyes blink rapidly while she looked down at their hands and then at Christen, who was now looking at the road. Kelley thought of the teammate of theirs that decided not to join them.

 

“Whoa...shit. Who’s car is that?” Crystal asked as she let out a whistle.

 

Kelley’s heart dropped to the pit of her stomach at the sight of that black Porsche.

  
  


~~

  
  


“Hola.” Christen cautiously greeted Leo’s mom. “Lo siento. Podemos hablar con Leo?”

 

The girls sighed in relief when his mom nodded her head.

 

“Oh hey coach!” Christen said.The rest of the girls, except Kelley, copied her.

 

“Girls.” She replied with a nod of her head. Kelley observed that it looked like she was getting ready to leave. She also observed that her coach still had not looked at her straight in the eyes since the night she met Paul.

 

“Necesitas algo, llámame” Hope called out.

 

“What’d she say?” Crystal whispered to Christen. But the forward didn’t reply when she saw that Mrs. Messina nodded her head, in gratitude. Kelley and the rest of the girls smiled at the mom before they went into the boy’s room when she pointed to it.

 

Kelley hung back to catch the small, whispered exchange between the two adults. Tobin did as well, but it was more out of hesitation to enter his room. Her freckled face didn’t catch on.

 

“I’m serious. Necesitará un trabajo,” She nodded over at his door, and spotted Kelley hanging out there in the corner of her eye, “llámame”.”

 

Hope met Kelley’s sad gaze over the small woman who had attached to her midsection and brought her in for a hug. When the woman broke away, Hope called out, “Tobs, can I talk to you, please?”

 

Tobin looked happy to be instructed to do something other than go into his room right now, where Kelley eventually joined them, after unsuccessfully trying to catch the eye of the object of her desire.

  


~~

  
  


“Hey. How are you doing?” Hope asked when she put her hands in the pockets of her jacket and avoided the eyes of her other favorite student, like she knew Tobin would want her to. They both leaned on the side of Christen’s car, away from the crowd.

 

“I’m good, coach.” Tobin said in a quiet tone. She had her head down and her eyes aimed at her shoes, while her hands sought refuge in her pockets.

 

“You okay with what happened to Messi?” Hope asked directly.

 

“I mean...” Tobin shrugged her shoulders.

 

“Hey. I uh. I know how much he cares about you. And...I know you care about him. So- I don’t know kid, I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Hope said quietly.

 

“Coach, I don’t..” Tobin got off from her position against Christen’s car, and let her eyes roll to the back of her head.

 

“What’s up, tobs?” Hope asked quietly, as she burrowed herself into her jacket even more, knowing that she would have to settle in for this talk. A talk she felt she needed to be present for.

 

“Coach, I...How am I supposed to feel?” Tobin asked.

 

“There isn’t one way that you _have_ to feel...” Hope offered. “Why? How do you feel?”

 

“I. I’m...scared.” Tobin surrendered.

 

“Of what?”

 

“OF. Of-of-of people. Of those fuc-those guys! Of...” Tobin turned around and looked at her coach in the eye. “Myself.”

 

“Why yourself?” Hope asked. And it wasn’t out of confusion, it was to encourage her to keep talking. She watched as Tobin struggled. And Hope recognized that struggle. She felt it in her gut painfully similar it was to her own experience during her teenage years in Spain. So she knew how much she needed to let Tobin talk, instead of her lecturing.

 

“I’m not sure how I’m supposed to be! How am I supposed to act? I’ve never had to comfort him! I’ve never been good at it, man!” This was the most amount of panic she had ever seen the usually chill girl exhibit.

 

_This must be really weighing on her mind._

 

“Listen, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

 

“Coach, you don’t understand. I want to blow a-a-a- gasket. I don’t know how to be a comforting person, and that’s what he needs! I-I-I don’t know how to do that! I’m a weirdo. I can’t even be trusted to- I froze. I-I, when Ash told me what happened, I just-”Tobin paced in a circle. Hope stood still.

 

“I didn’t want to see him.” Tobin said quietly.

 

Hope nodded. She could understand that. “Because you didn’t think that you could give him what he needs?” Hope asked.

 

“Exactly!” Tobin said excitedly. Then her face went blank as she stared Hope’s empathetic expression.

 

“Is that normal?” Tobin asked quietly.

 

Hope’s eyes softened as she nodded.

 

“How can that be normal?” The midfielder asked as she shook her head. She returned to her spot, leaning on Christen’s front door, right next to her coach.

 

“Can I share a story with you?” Hope asked.

 

Tobin nodded.

 

“So back when I used to live in Spain...”

  
  


~~

  
  


“What was that about?” Kelley asked when Tobin walked into her boyfriend's room.

“We just had a talk.” Tobin muttered into Kelley’s ear before she determinedly walked over to the boy with several cuts and bruises on his face.

 

Ashlyn watched her friend take him into a warm hug, and Crystal watched the way Christen’s lips slowly turned up into a small smile when he took Tobin in with the both of his arms wrapped around her.

 

They sat around and gossiped while Leo very obviously was trying to avoid all talk of the conversation before the fight. He detailed Hope’s actions, how much the punches didn’t ‘actually hurt’ (Kelley rolled her eyes at that), and how cool it was to ride on an ambulance truck. But he didn’t tell the girls about the conversation that took place before he tried to tackle that douchebag, Donald (the football team referred to him as ‘Don’).

 

“Don’s a fucktard.” Crystal bristled.

 

“He’s just an idiot. Just starting shit ‘cause he was bored.” Leo shrugged.

 

“Yeah...” Christen said with narrowed eyes. She looked like she wanted to say something else, but she closed her mouth.

 

“So you good man? Like you’re not going to die?” Ash joked.

 

“Nah.” Leo waved her off. “Just a concussion. I’ll be out for a couple of week, but it’s all just show.” he said as he pointed to his black eye and cuts. All of them broke out into a conversation on if he looked cooler with or without the black eye.

 

“Where’s Alex?” Tobin turned to Kelley.

 

“Uh..she couldn’t come.” Kelley said with a shrug. Tobin looked confused, but she brushed it off.

 

“How did the talk go?” Kelley muttered under her breath to Tobin.

 

“It went.” Tobin nodded.

 

“Cool...” Kelley nodded as well. “Talk about anything...specific?”

 

Tobin chuckled.

 

_Kelley is so extra._

 

“She just talked to me.” Tobin shrugged. “Just gave me her number in case I ever wanted to talk. Wanted to see if I was okay since, ya know,” she pointed at Leo.

 

“You have Coach Solo’s number?” Kelley asked.

  
  


~~

  
  


“Yeah, she actually is really...fucking amazing.” Olivia breathed out. She smiled to herself before she took another sip of the wine she was sharing with her friend.

 

“Interesting.” Her friend said with a smirk. “So are you going to tell me more about her...like what her fucking na-”

 

They both looked up at the sound of Olivia’s front door bell ringing.

 

“One sec.”

  
  


~~

  


“Hope what’re you-”

 

But she couldn’t finish. Because Hope was furiously kissing her, and this former athlete had lungs the size of hot air balloons, and a tongue so skillful, that by the time Olivia had pushed her off, not because she wanted to, but because she needed oxygen to breath, her face was blue.

 

“Babe.” Olivia wiped her mouth and gasped for air. “As much as I loved that, and I did, where did that come from? What’s wrong?” And the woman could see how Hope’s movements were not driven just by lust. She was searching for something. The way she grappled for Olivia’s skin, affection, and the return of her tongue, it seemed like she was on the hunt, but not just for her body.

 

“Nothing’s wrong.” Hope hushed as she tried to close the space between them again.

 

“No, Solo. Stop.” Olivia put her hands on the older woman’s chest. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Please. Just. Kiss. Me.” Hope begged. And Olivia surrendered just a little. She let Hope ravage her neck and her cheeks, but it felt wrong. And when the older woman’s lips met her owns, Olivia pushed her away again.

 

“I don’t want to do this.” She blurted out.

 

Olivia could see the way Hope’s exhales turned into steam as it hit the air, and the breathless way she stared into her eyes. Silence.

 

“Oh.” Hope said as she smoothed back her hair and reeled her lips back in. And, she hoped, her dignity.

 

“I just meant- I-I. I don’t want to just use each other for this.” Olivia said.

 

“Okay.” Hope said as she looked down at her friend.

 

“I’m sorry. I know that’s what you wanted..I just-”

 

They both looked up at the sound of their front door being opened.

 

“Hey, liv. Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m good.” The younger woman nodded with pursed lips, and nodded her to go back inside. But the girl didn’t budge.

 

In fact, nothing could move her from the spot at the sight of these electrifyingly blue eyes staring at her with a look of confusion.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had company.” Hope muttered.

 

“Oh no! It’s all good. Are you Olivia’s girlfriend?” The woman asked with shit eating grin, completely unaware of what just happened before she opened the door.

 

“Fuck me..” Olivia muttered into her hands.

 

“Yeah.” Hope said with a smile as she stepped forward and held out her hand.”I’m Hope Solo.”

 

“I knew you looked familiar!” The woman said with excitement. She returned the handshake.

 

“I’m Erin O’Hara.”

  
  


~~

  
  


_*Beginning of the week*_

 

_Then she heard a loud knock on her door. The goosebumps resurfaced._

 

_She limply opened the door, with a sense of defeat, when she looked through the peephole and saw the outline of the only kid in her life that would be at her door at midnight._

 

_“You need to leave.” Hope said with a truly bereaved expression._

 

_“Why?” Kelley asked with a drop of her shoulders._

 

_“Because what I did was a mistake.” Hope didn’t look up from the floor._

 

_“I don’t believe that for a second.” Kelley grabbed the woman’s hand. Hope didn’t fight, but she didn’t move. “It meant something.”_

 

_“Please tell me it meant something.” Kelley was short enough that she stepped forward and looked up and was looking straight into her coach’s downcast eyes. It stung._

 

_“I never meant to hurt you.” Hope offered.She felt Kelley basically throw her hand away._

 

_“So you sleep with me and then throw me away?!” The girl yelled. Her usual fire was blazing again. And just like one the field, it was directed towards her coach, but this time, it had nothing to do with soccer, and everything to do with the fact that the hangover taking control over her brain was because she was trying to forget what the girl tasted like._

 

_“No.” Hope pushed when Kelley was stalking back to an unfamiliar looking vehicle._

 

_“Yeah! You fuck me and then toss me like garbage. Why? Because your girlfriend isn’t good enough??” Kelley asked._

 

_“Stop, please.” Hope warned when she continued to follow her. Because nothing good could come of letting Kelley leave her property this angry, fueled with a vendetta._

 

_“Yeah, you’re just like Heather. Consume me and then act like it didn’t happen. Tell your friends that ‘I’m just a kid.’”Kelley angrily spat as she unlocked and opened the front door to the car in front of her._

 

_“No.” Hope pushed the door shut before Kelley could get a limb in._

 

_“DO. NOT. Compare me to Mitts.” Hope growled. And she roughly pushed Kelley from getting into the car, and pinned her to the side of the vehicle,with her arms trapping the girl in between them._

 

_“Why? You and her are the same fucking kind of monster.” Kelley said with a sneer._

 

_“No, I didn’t use you!” Hope spat._

 

_“Yeah.” Kelley whispered. “You made love to me.”_

 

_All of the smiles the girl sent her way after she scored a goal, all of the one and one meetings they had in her office, an hour after the final whistle blew, and the few times Kelley touched her in a not so innocent way flashed through Hope’s mind as she slid down the girl’s body._

 

_The pebbles of Hope’s driveway jutted into the skin over her kneecaps as she desperately clung to the sides of Kelley’s torso and sobbed into the girl’s navel. Through these dry sobs, and her wallowing self-pity, she tried so hard not to let the smell of honey and of Kelley fill her brain. Because she was on her knees, begging, fucking begging, this girl to not destroy her._

 

_“Don’t do this to me. Please.” Hope breathed into the girl’s body._

 

_“Hope- are you-what’s-”_

 

_“I can’t be with you.” Hope cried. “I can’t do this with you. I can’t be in your life like this. I-I’m your coach! I-No matter what, I can’t be in your life like you want me to be.”_

 

_“I’m not going to tell anyone!” Kelley yelled as she stroke the back of Hope’s head and threw her head back so that it hit the driver’s side window. She let the tears fall into her ears. She let the sound of Hope’s sobs fall into her ears as well._

 

_“Little one. Please. I can’t. I don’t want to do this to you.”_

 

_“I want you to.” Kelley softly cried._

 

_“I’d let you break my heart.” Kelley whispered._

 

_That jutted Hope right in her achilles. Punched her in the gut. And even though she felt like throwing up, she got on her feet, and then wiped hers and Kelley’s faces dry._

 

_“No.” Hope said strongly. “I care about you enough not to do that to you.”_

 

_“I asking you to.” Kelley said, her eyes heavy, and her finger in Hope’s pocket._

 

_“No,”  She whispered. “You will thank me for it someday.”_

 

_The girl, wriggled out of her coach’s touch and gently shoved her in the chest so that she had enough room to open the door, and hastily start the engine. She was in a hurry. Because the specifics didn’t matter. You didn’t even need to speak english to understand, that she had just been rejected._

 

_She quickly put the car in reverse and backed it down the path. She only looked back to see the older woman with her hand on her hips, and her lip quivering as she stood and looked straight at her._

 

_It was gut-wrenching._

  
  


~~

  
  


“So I’m your girlfriend, huh?” Olivia asked with a smirk and a raised eyebrow to go along with it.

 

“Yeah.” Hope said simply.

 

“Yeah. Okay, sure.” The woman said with a nod. “Why not?”

 

And she shot Hope this smile that was filled with a feeling of ‘rightness that she couldn’t quite explain.

 

"Are you okay? Did something happen, by the way?"

 

"Can we talk about this later?" Hope gently asked.

 

Olivia nodded.

 

“How was Seattle?” Olivia asked as she rearranged herself so that she was more comfortable sitting in Hope’s lap. The older woman refused a glass of wine when she was offered and then heaved a heavy sigh.

 

Then she told her girlfriend all about Seattle, and how the city and it’s people changed her life, and how it could possibly change her life in the future. Olivia watched with rapt attention and open ears as she talked.

 

It felt right.

 

Hope and Olivia felt her phone vibrate from somewhere in the depths of her jacket. Hope pulled out her phone and studied the text.

 

XXX-342-5903: Coach, can I please talk to you? Are you home? 11:23pm

 

“Shit. I have to go help my Dorito.” Hope said.

 

“Your Dorito?” Olivia asked with a scrunched up face.

 

“One of my students. Going through a crisis. A real one.” Hope said with an expression that signaled she would explain later.

 

“Okay. I guess I will see you later...girlfriend?” Olivia asked with a smirk.

 

It was answered with a passionate kiss.

  
  


~~

  
  


Hope sped through the cookie cutter streets at an ‘acceptable’ (15 miles over the speed limit) speed to her home. She slowed down when her run flats skidded the gravel on her driveway. She put the car in park, opened it, and then stepped out.

 

But she stood on her spot, leaned on the door, and then stroked her chin when she saw from the faint light from above her frozen pool, a freckled face girl that looked nothing like Tobin Heath, sitting on the steps to her deck.

  
  


~~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to anyone who found the little nugget I dropped from The Girl with the Red and White Gloves (I'm Ignoring This) AU. Let me know if you think you know what it is.


	7. Because I'm Who I Am, and You Are Who You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The woman, and the girl, both felt something change in between them, and neither could understand, but it was palpable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to post this because it was written pre- hiatus.

~~

 

 

It's safe to say that Kelley O’Hara had never really been rejected in her life up until this point. She was always the smartest, the goofiest, the most intense (when she was in pursuit of something), the most athletic, the most charming, the most...insert superlative here.

 

She strolled through life with ease, laughs, and bewilderment at how her peers struggled so hard to get that A+ on that physics test, or why so many people just couldn't run that 6 minute mile, or why people thought it was so hard to get into Stanford.

 

For Kelley, almost everything just came easy. It was easy to get  Alex to admit that she liked her as a friend after Kelley had slide tackled her for the ball during a scrimmage when they were 12, it was easy for her to get Christen to admit that the she liked girls, and it was super simple for Kelley to fish out her coach's phone number from Tobin's phone. She could get whomever she wanted, to do whatever she wanted.

 

 _Almost_ everything was easy.

 

The one thing, that never came easy, was the first person that ever rejected Kelley.

  


~~

  


Kelley could remember the day she met Hope, like it was yesterday. She could recall the sound of the metal bleachers being pounded on by feets of the many teammates of hers that were grumbling about having to meet another coach. The young sophomore was leaning back with her elbows out and her arms spread out on the bleacher behind her, sitting in between Ash and Alex while she kept sneaking glances at the really hot senior that she had been eyeing for awhile now. They were all waiting in the gym after their last class, wondering when they were going to meet who this last minute hiring was. But Kelley, was concentrated on one thing.

 

She was infatuated with the blondie in the back, with the beautiful face that seemed to be begging for something to suck. Heather Mitts just had that kind of face, one with an eye tilt that always made it look like she was going to eat you. Her confidence, and her swagger matched that of Kelley's, but Mitts had the advantage of having completed three years of teenage drama and pointless AP tests under belt. Kelley had only had one, but her competitive nature was getting to her, and she wanted to discover what it was like to be in Heather’s position.

 

At one point, Kelley had scratched the back of her head and slowly turned so that she could get a good look at the older girl, and felt the heat in her cheeks when Mitts had winked at her. Kelley slowly turned back around with a huge grin on her face.

 

The embarrassment was modest, the victory grand. Because for Kelley O’Hara, there was nothing hotter than a girl that knew what she was doing to her.

 

That wink had put her in her place.

 

“Why are you smiling like an idiot?” Alex asked with a smug grin that was forming on her lips.

 

“No reason. Shut up.” Kelley said.

 

“I think it's because of Heather up there.” Ash said with a smirk.

 

“You're nasty, Kell.” Alex said with a wave and a smirk. “She's ancient.”

 

“Uh. I have a boyfriend.” Kelley said, paired with an eye roll.

 

“Yeah, why is that?” Tobin asked when she walked up to them, and sat right behind Kelley.

 

“‘Cause he's a senior and he asked me. Can you guys not be jealous?”

 

“Trust me, I'm not jealous.” Ash said. Everyone laughed at that.

 

“Yeah. I mean I guess he's kinda cute. Right, Tobs?” Alex asked as she looked back at her.

 

“Uh. Sure.” Tobin said with a shrug.

 

“It was too easy, though.” Kelley said as she chewed her lips. “I thought that he was going to be mature and like..mysterious. And I thought it was going to be exciting, but...i don't know.”

 

“He's cute. And apparently he's pretty good in...ya know...” They heard Crystal chime in.

 

“Ew.” Tobin said.

 

“Ew.” Ash echoed.

 

“Ooo. KO, have you had sex with him??” Christen asked from a distance. She slid along the bleachers to join in on their conversation.  

 

From behind Kelley's head, Alex shook her head to answer the question for her.

 

“Stop talking about it!” Kelley yelled.

 

“So that's a no.” Crystal said with a smirk as she fist bumped Alex.

 

“That's a hell no.” Alex said with a smirk. “He's gross. And Kelley doesn't even like him.”

 

“I'm right here.” Kelley muttered.

 

“Kell deserves better.” Ashlyn said.

 

“Yeah. KO has no interest in this dude. You can tell.” Tobin said.

 

“I'm going to say it again, I'm right here.” Kelley deadpanned.

 

“What KO needs, is a guy who's going to tell her ‘No’ all the time. Too many dudes that say yes.” Tobin offered. “I don't know how you get them to do it, man.” She shook her head in disbelief.

 

“Or a girl.” Alex coughed under her breath. Kelley didn't deny at this point.

 

“Exactly!” Christen said in delight. “Right on the money, Tobs.”

 

Tobin smiled brightly.

 

“Yeah but he's a senior, you guys. She's dating a senior!” Crystal said.

 

“Too easy.” Christen said with a wave of her hand.

 

“Yeah, there was this guy that goes to Georgia Tech that was hitting on her at Starbucks.” Alex said with raised eyebrows.

 

“Ew! That's too old.” Christen said with a scrunched up face. “What is he, like 25? That's like a freaking dinosaur.”

 

“I don't appreciate that Ms...” Everyone's head shot up to see that a really tall, menacing figure with soccer training gear on, papers in her hand, and daggers in her eyes, was standing 15 feet in front of them. “Press?”

 

Christen gulped. And then nodded, with her eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights.

 

“Right. Christen Press. I better not hear you say that 25 yr olds are dinosaurs.” Hope said without looking up from her paper. “Do you understand me?”

 

“Yes.” Christen nodded furiously.

 

“Yes what?”

 

“Yes mam. Or coach or-”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Christen Press looked like she was about to faint. That was until a few seconds later, Hope looked up to give her the tiniest smile. Christen relaxed. But just a little.

 

“25 is a little young to be coaching.” Kelley looked back to see that it was Heather that had spewed out that comment. It was met with silence.

 

“Is it?” Hope asked, clearly unamused. The women turned back to the paper and read, “Mitts? Heather Mitts?”

 

“Yeah.” The senior called out.

 

“Well, Ms. captain-at least that's what your old coach's notes told me- I'm not too sure if that will stand (met with a lot of Ooos from her teammates). I'll keep that in mind.”

 

Hope rolled up the papers in her hand and looked up at the girl.

 

“Better yet, for every day of preseason, why don't I make you run as many sprints as the years I've been alive. 25 sprints.” Hope glared at her. “Is that still a little too young for you?”

 

The gym that was filled with 30+ girls, was dead silent.

 

“I didn't think so.” Hope started pacing up and down. Kelley watched her every move. They were swift and purposeful and she could see how this woman's motions seemed to always be calculated. Every step had weight and purpose it seemed.

 

“My name is coach Solo. And I'm taking over for now. The reason you guys didn't know who your coach was going to be was because I was a last minute hire. Now,” Kelley watched as her terrifyingly beautiful coach ran her hands through her hair.

 

“Just because I was last minute, doesn't mean I'm a volunteer coach. Far from it. I'm the new director of coaching at the club down the street,” Kelley and all of her friends looked at each other when they realized she was talking about their club, “I've coached university, and I've played at every level possible.”

 

“Whoa, so like where did you play for college?” A junior called out.

 

“Let me rephrase. I've played at every level possible, except college.” Hope called out.

 

“Holy shit, I know who she is.”  Tobin muttered loud enough that Kelley could hear her.

 

“Regardless, I have a season plan for this team. Things are going to be changing a bit. The way things are run are going to change. They way you guys play, the way you guys train. Yeah? Okay.” Hope said without looking at them or waiting for an answer.

 

“Feel free to go.” Hope said with a bored sigh. She crossed her arms and stood in her spot when she looked at the general crowd of girls vacating the gymnasium.

 

But Kelley stayed rooted in her spot. When the rest of the girls cautiously got up to leave, the girl felt herself being magnetically tethered to this terrifyingly beautiful woman. She couldn't help that this woman had just captured her soul within one speech.

 

She was strong, she was sharp. Her jaw muscles cut into the girl's soul and her insides poured out and melted onto the floor. She was dark, she was mysterious, she was older, and Kelley finally realized what her senior boyfriend was _supposed_ to make her feel.

 

She looked at the bored look on this woman's face and the indifference was intriguing her to no end. It made Kelley have this urge to capture. Maybe just her attention, or maybe her heart. But in that moment, all she knew was that she needed to close the distance between them.

 

“Hi.” Kelley waved when she approached the older woman when they were the only ones left in the gym.

 

“Hi.” Hope returned quietly, as her piercing eyes looked Kelley up and down.

 

“My name’s Kelley.” The girl squirmed a little at the intense stare of Hope Solo.

 

“I know who you are.” Hope said simply as she kept her crossed arms high on her chest.

 

“Oh.” Kelley nodded. She looked down, unable to stare at this woman for too long. Kelley folded her hands behind her back and pushed all of her weight to one hip, and then bashfully traced circles on the basketball court with her toes.

 

“I've seen you play before.” Hope said gently when she noticed the girl's shyness. “ODP region match in California, a few months ago.”

 

“Oh. That's good!” Kelley said in relief. “I thought it was because you had heard something from my old coach.” Kelley said a guilty chuckle.

 

“Oh no, I've read his notes on you, too.” Hope said her head tilted to the side and a smirk on her lips.

 

Kelley looked down again with her playful smile.

 

“It reads: ‘Kelley. Best soccer player, but also the most stubborn. Good luck with her.’”

 

“It does not!” Kelley said with a wide open mouth. She looked at the paper that the woman handed to her and saw her embarrassing yearbook picture from her freshman year and saw the exact words the Coach Solo had said, right next to it.

 

“You're not going to be a problem, are you O’Hara? Hope asked with a satisfied grin when she took back the papers.

 

“No!” Kelley said, half-heartedly defensive about it. It wasn't quite convincing and she knew that it was only going to be a matter of time before her new coach was going to see the fiery way she played the game.

 

“Good.” Hope said quietly. Then she met the girl's gaze again. “But I don't believe you for a second.” The woman smirked.  

 

Kelley watched as this woman walked out the gym, realizing that this may have been the first time that someone called her out on her bullshit.

 

It stirred something in the girl. It was exhilarating.

  


~~

  


Hope could recall the first time that she had experienced the dread at the sight of Kelley. At the time of occurrence, Hope didn't think that she ever felt something so powerfully crippling. She never thought the sight of something could make her feel so low, so incapable, and so disgusting.

 

Not even the dissolution of her shoulder, or the reality of her status as a has-been, stung so hard at the second she saw Kelley O’Hara making out with a boy in the school parking lot.

 

When she stepped out to check the progress of the girls and see if they were actually running the 3 miles she instructed them to do, she didn't see her best player in the group. She knew that Kelley would have been in the front of the pack with Alex and mitts, but she was nowhere in sight when Hope checked the south side of the school.

 

It was well into the season and they were just doing their weekly aerobic workout, so she knew each one of their fitness levels. So she was actually surprised that the fittest person on the team, just slightly edging out Alex due to her aggression, was opting out of this meager 3 mile run.

 

Hope scanned the route from afar and it wasn't until she made her way to the big parking lot in the front the school, when she saw a tall, older looking gripping Kelley by the ass and eating her face off.

 

It should have been such a small and exiguous moment in the woman's life. But the exact feeling she felt in her chest at the sight was unexplainable.

 

And at the time, so was the reasoning. Maybe it was rage because the girl should have been working out with her team. Maybe it was her instinct to protect because that guy looked way too old to be a sophomore. Maybe it was annoyance because this had to be the fourth big stunt the girl had pulled in that season. Maybe it was sadness because of the way Kelley’s hands around his neck were pulling him closer. Maybe it was jealousy because...yeah. It was unexplainable.

 

“O’Hara.” Hope called out with narrowed eyes.

 

She watched as her player abruptly pulled herself away from this boy and then looked on with horror.

 

“Coach, I-”

 

Hope signaled for with her thumb to step away from him.

 

“You have somewhere to be?” She growled at the boy.

 

“Y-yes mam. I have-”

 

“Go.” She ordered.

 

She silently watched him scramble in his pockets for his keys. He shakingly planted a kiss on Kelley's head when he managed to get a grip on him, before he got into his car and drove away. The fearful look the girl gave Hope when she heard his tires screech as he peeled out of the parking lot, made Hope feel a twinge of sadness.

 

The woman, and the girl, both felt something change in between them, and neither could understand, but it was palpable.

 

She didn't dare let herself say in her mind that she was jealous even though, deep down in the underbelly of her mind where her reprehensible and undeniably human thoughts brewed, the feeling was evident. Truly, It didn't need a label, and it was so strong that it had twisted her stomach. But for Hope, it was one of those moments in which you discover something so colossal that the only way you could handle it without combusting, was to store it away and deal with it in small bites.

 

For Kelley, it felt like guilt. Something about the way Hope looked at her. Not at the sight of him and her boyfriend, but the way she looked at _her._ It wasn't just anger or disappointment in her disobedience, something else was layered within the blue eyes that made Kelley feel like she was cheating. She couldn't explain it. But her guilt, mixed in with the fear of this woman, came with the tiniest amount of excitement that she had Hope’s attention.

 

“Coach. I'm really sorry.” Kelley said through heavy breaths.

 

“I was right about you.” Hope said quietly.  The girl looked at her in fearful confusion.

 

“You're gonna be a big problem, O’Hara.”

 

“I-I-I’m sorry coach, he saw me on the run and Tobin said that-”

 

“I really don't care, O’Hara.” Hope glared and growled. “So just get your ass to the fields, while the rest of your team finished up what you were _supposed_ to do.”

 

“Coach Solo. I'm really sorry. I wasn't thinking.”

 

Hope whisked away the girl that she knew deep down, was always thinking, was always scheming.

 

_You know what you were doing,kid._

 

She walked back to the fields to find the rest of the team around the water bottles, red faced from the exhaustion and heat.

 

“ARE YOU AN IDIOT?!” She heard Alex Morgan berate her fellow sophomore.

Hope watched from the sidelines as she carried out her practice and tried not to think about what it looked like when/if her boyfriend had gotten into her pants.

 

She was glad that the sunglasses on her face masked the many emotions that she shouldn't have been having.

 

Kelley had come into her office after that practice. The girl had slipped in, unnoticed, and Hope didn't look up until Kelley had to cough to get her attention. When she did, she saw the red marks on Kelley's neck, no doubt from the thing the older woman had just witnessed hours before.

 

And that was when the dread seeped in for the first time.

 

Because she was looking at the physical proof that Kelley O’Hara was a sexual human being. One that she couldn't touch.

  


~~

  
  


Hope thought of the night Kelley texted her, on repeat. It plagued her mind and terrorized her in her sleep for a month. She would always wake up in a cold sweat as she thought about the thing she had done, the control she had given up.

 

In reality, she had surrendered to Kelley most of that control, a long time ago. Quite possibly, the day that she had met the girl, when she got intrigued enough to playfully banter with a player that was heavily known to be stubborn. But that night when she looked down to see a text that was actually from her, Hope had given her complete control. Something that she didn’t anticipate doing, something that only Kelley O’Hara could make her do.

  


~~

  


_“How did you get here?” Hope asked quietly as she unlocked the front door to her house. She waited in her spot, with her key in her hand and in the lock when she heard the wood creak from Kelley's movements._

 

_“I took one of my sister’s cars.” Kelley muttered quietly._

 

_Hope looked down at her feet, unable to fathom how this conversation could work out._

 

_“I'm going to be graduating soon.” Kelley said, her small voice ripping her apart._

 

_“Kelley. It's not about that.” Hope said quietly._

 

_“I'm legal.” Kelley pushed. “I want you. I can't get the other night out of my head.”_

 

_Hope sighed again. Because of course she wasn't able to get it out of her head either._

 

_“I don't want to keep going in circles with you.” Hope gently said as she grabbed Kelley's hand._

 

_“What did I do wrong?” Kelley asked with big and submissive eyes._

 

_“It's not something you did.” Hope wanted this conversation to be gentle and reassuring. “It's about me putting a stop to the seriously inappropriate thing that I did to you.”_

 

_“I don't want it to stop.” Kelley pushed._

 

_“It needs to. For you.” Hope put her head down and then guiltily added, “And for me.”_

 

_“ I want you to tell me that you have feelings for me.”  Kelley said, completely ignoring the older woman's explanations._

 

_“No.” Hope shook her head. But she continued to hold onto Kelley's palms._

 

_“Why not?”_

 

_But Hope just continued to shake her head._

 

Because I just spent the last two hours avoiding your sister’ eyes, because I had taken advantage of you. Because I have an extremely amazing looking girlfriend who makes me feel something in the right way. Because I'm who I am, and you are who you are. And life was cruel enough to deal us with these shitty cards. I wish I had met you when you were older.

 

Because I just can't, kid _._

 

_“You make me feel so shitty.” Kelley said so softly as she pulled her hands from Hope’s grip._

 

I never intended to.

 

_“If you feel like you need to talk to an adult o-or someone, you should tell the principal. Or your parents. Or your sister.” Hope said defeatedly._

 

_“Why are you saying that?” Kelley asked with a face formed in disbelief._

 

_“Because I should have never made you feel like that.” Hope said as she slowly took a step back. She didn't know what made her say it, but it just kind of came out._

 

_That was it._

 

_She had just altered the course of her life in this moment. The step back was to put herself in a position where she could take a breath that didn't involve inhaling the air that touched Kelley's skin._

 

_She had given Kelley the revolver with the one bullet left to put to her head, to save them from killing each other on this island of isolation that Hope had stranded them on with her reckless actions. Maybe Kelley didn't get the magnitude of the situation now, but she would forever be fucked up._

 

_“Do it. Save yourself.” Hope pleaded._

 

_“Do you really not want to be with me?” Kelley asked._

 

_“I can't.” Hope looked at the ground, knowing that her hardened shell could be dissolved by this girl._

 

_Hope stood motionless in her spot, realizing that she had just given Kelley the invitation to play Russian Roulette with her career and her life._

  


~~

  


“So are you going to stop dating Mitts or...?” Erin asked as she sent the articles of clothing that she rejected to the end of the rack.

 

“Stop asking.” Kelley said as she rolled her eyes and then looked back down at her phone.

 

“Who are you texting?” Erin asked with narrowed eyes.

 

“No one.” Kelley pushed, her thumbs going across the touch screen at a million miles an hour.

 

“Dude. I'm not mom, I'm not going to lecture you or put you in time out. I mean for fucks sake, I think mom loves Mittsy!” Erin rolled her eyes.

 

“Erin! Fine! You want to know? I'm not going to stop dating her!” Kelley said as she put the phone back in her pocket.

 

“Ugh. Bummer.” Erin said as she went back to looking through the racks of clothing.

 

“Shutup. She's coming over this weekend.” Kelley muttered under her breath.

 

“WHAT?!?” Erin turned to face her younger sister with an expression filled with disgust.

 

“I don't know where else to take her! Ash and Alex hate her!” Kelley said as she raised her arms up in defense.

 

“Then that should be the first clue that she's not allowed at my place, either!” Erin said exasperatedly.

 

“Erin!”

 

“Ugh! Why don't you just reconcile with mom and dad. They love Heather. They would gladly give you the space for you to have sex in.” Erin said with a wrinkled nose. “Ugh she's nasty. You're nasty!”

 

The two sisters were in a standoff when two other shoppers came to look at the same rack that Erin was standing at.

 

“What if she's just there Friday night?” Kelley asked. “I can tell her to stay at her parents house the rest of the weekend.”

 

The older sister knew that Kelley wasn't going to give up. It wasn't in her nature.

 

“Maybe.” She said through clenched teeth.

 

“Really?” Kelley said with a brightened smile as she clapped her hands together in hope.

 

“I said MAYBE.” She rolled her eyes when Kelley squealed in delight. “We may have plans that night anyways. But so help me God, Kell, if I hear you two at night-”

 

“You won't!” Kelley furiously promised

 

“Yeah, whatever.” Erin surrendered.

 

“What are you guys doing that night?” Kelley asked when her phone buzzed again.

 

“We are going to double date with my trainer! Ooo! You should meet her. She's coming over tonight.”

 

“Will there be free food?” Kelley asked.

 

“Isn't all of your food free?”

 

“Yeah, I'll be there.” Kelley said simply. “ But I have to go to Alex's first. Gotta finish up Stats homework with her. I promised.”

 

“I've never actually seen you do homework...” Erin said in disbelief. “Are you copying it from her or...?”

 

“No dummy. I'm tutoring her. She struggles with it, a bit.” Kelley chuckled. “Anyways, who is this trainer of yours?”

 

“I like her. She's going to be my new best friend, just wait.” Erin said with a smirk.

 

“You're creepy.” Kelley commented.

 

“Oh yeah! And she’s dating your coach!” Erin said excitedly.

 

~~

 

“Oh hi! You're adorable!” Olivia said as she waved to Kelley as she entered the apartment.

 

“Fun fact! Hope coaches Kelley here!” Erin said as she put her arm around her little sister.

 

“Oh is that right?” Olivia asked with a big smile.

 

“Yeah...” Kelley said with narrowed eyes as she looked the woman up and down.

 

“How is Hope when she's out on the field?” Olivia asked as she handed Erin a bottle of wine.

 

“She’s...intense.” Kelley offered.

 

“I figured.” Olivia nodded satisfactorily. “She's intense all of the time.”

 

“You hungry Liv?” Erin called out.

 

“Um yeah. Bathroom?”

 

When the woman had made her way down the hall, Erin looked at Kelley for a read on her first impression.

 

“So? You think she's cool?” Erin asked.

 

“I talked to her for a second.” Kelley shrugged.

 

“Yes but what do you think? Best friend material?”

 

“Are you basing this off of just looks?” Kelley asked with suspicion.

 

“What else is there?” Erin joked. Kelley was not amused.

 

“She is hot though.” Erin added.

 

“She's alright.”

 

The older sister snorted. “You think Mitts is hot, but you don't think she is?” Erin pointed behind her. “You and I definitely don't have the same type in women. Boys, we do.”

 

“Ew, Erin. I don't like boys.”

 

“Fine. The boys you used to bring over to piss me off because they were better looking than my boyfriends.”

 

Kelley smirked. Erin rolled her eyes.

 

“My taste in girls is alright!” Kelley added.

 

“You have Mitts. That's it.”

 

“She's pretty hot.” Kelley defended.

 

“Fine. But she's also a fucking bitch. Totally cancels it out.” Erin reasoned.

 

“Whatever.” Kelley muttered.

 

“Isn't she like, into guys too?” Erin asked.

 

The little sister shrugged.

 

“You don't know?” Erin asked with disbelief.

 

“I don't really care to know.” Kelley said with a shrug.

 

“So...let me circle back to my first question from a couple of days ago, are you going to stop dating her?” Erin asked. “Dude. If you don't care to know her preferences, do you even want to...be one?”

 

Kelley shrugged. “Good way to pass the time. Plus she's older. It's hot.”

 

“You're gross. She's like a year younger than me.” Erin said with disgust.

 

The younger sister smirked.  “Er. How would you..” Kelley stroked her chin, deciding on if it was worth asking the question, “feel if I dated someone older?”

 

“How much older?” Erin asked.

 

“Like...close to thirties?” Kelley asked slowly.

 

Erin looked at her, deep in thought. The younger sister didn't know if there was anything filled within her gaze, but she squirmed nevertheless. This question and this predicament would always be met with judgement.

 

“You know that's like 4 to 5 years older than me, right?” Erin asked with narrowed eyes.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Are you dating...someone.. older than me?” Erin asked quietly.

 

They both turned around to see their guest coming into the kitchen. The older sister sat on the strange topic, but divided to put it away for another day. She had known her sister long enough to know that she was always up to something. It would just take some time for her to reveal it.

 

Kelley decided to settle in and discover exactly what kind of person was able to make Hope Solo call them her girlfriend. The teenager was curious.

 

It was wine and salad, at Olivia’s suggestion. One that Erin begrudgingly followed, realizing that this was her trainer, after all. The original plan, one that Kelley was all for, was burgers and nachos. The older O’Hara ended up making the executive decision, much to Kelley's dismay.

 

“So, Olivia..how long have you been with Ho-my coach?” Kelley asked as she shoved a forkful of lettuce into her mouth. This was not the kind of ‘free food’ she had in mind for the evening.

 

“Um...well. Funny story.” Olivia smirked at Erin. “When did you meet her, Er?”

 

“Mmmmm. I think it's been like a month.” Erin offered thoughtfully.

 

“Sooo. Your sister is actually the one who kind of made it official for us.” Olivia said with a grateful smile directed at the older sister.

 

“You?” Kelley asked, the betrayal so subtle, but present. Erin wasn't sure what her little sisters emotions were behind the question.

 

“Yeah. She kind of put Hope on the spot.” Olivia laughed.

 

“So... a month ago. The night she met my sister. That was when you guys got together?” Kelley asked slowly.

 

“Yep. Going to make your sister my maid of honor of it  works out.” The woman giggled as she took a sip of her wine.

 

The teenager breathed out a fake chuckle. One that a tipsy guest wouldn't detect.

 

“So. Tell me more about my coach.” Kelley said as she put her chin in her palms and her elbows on the table.

 

“Mmm. Well...she is  super athletic. Like I took her one time to work so that she could work out with me...yeah I can't keep up with her.” Olivia laughed.

 

_I knew that._

 

 _“_ Um... she has like 5 different cars.” Olivia offered.

 

“How does a high school coach afford that?” Erin asked suspiciously.

 

“I don't know it all yet, but I do know that she used to be a pro soccer player. Maybe that's why?” Olivia said with shrugged shoulders.

 

“What teams did she play for?” Kelley asked, fishing for answers to if this woman was up to snuff. She was sizing up the competition.

 

“No idea. I forgot the names. But she did tell me that she used to play overseas.”

 

_This woman doesn't know shit._

 

 _“_ Oh! I don't know if this is worth anything, but your coach is an actual sweetheart. Erin told me that during the games she looks like she's going to rip someone’s head off like 24/7,” Olivia said _, “_ but she's actually a very gentle person.”

 

“But not in bed.” Erin chuckled.

 

“Erin!” Olivia said with a mouth wide open and a disbelieving smile about to form on her face. “Not in front of your sister!”

 

“Oh please! You're old enough, right?” Erin asked.

 

That hurt Kelley, just a little.

 

“Yeah. I AM old enough.” Kelley said with narrowed eyes.

 

Olivia faltered just a little while she read Kelley's face, unsure of how the teenager was feeling about the sudden turn in the conversation.

 

“See!” Erin said with red, flushed cheeks. “Look at my little, Kell. Being an adult. You know, she's dating someone close to our age.”

 

“Is that so?” Olivia asked with widened eyes.

 

“Well, she’s still in college. But little Kelley likes them older.” Erin smirked.

 

“You're drunk.” Kelley said with an expressionless face. “But that's funny that you say that you guys got together like a month ago..”

 

Kelley purposefully trailed off when she took a sip from Erin’s sixth glass.

 

“Why?” Olivia asked, her face a little slackened from the umpteenth glass of wine she had consumed.

 

“Because I could have sworn that she was “seeing” someone else.” Kelley said quietly. “I don't mean to start anything..(that's exactly what she was doing) but I Christen lives right next to her and she said back then that she was leaving her house with another woman during the mornings.”

 

Olivia's face hardened.

 

It was a complete lie. She knew it, but the worried face of Erin, and the furrowed brow of Olivia, told her that she was the only one that knew it. She felt guilty for a second, but when she looked at how beautiful Hope’s girlfriend was, and thought about how Hope had been having sex with this woman for the past month, she pushed the guilt aside.

 

“I'm sorry. I don't know if it's true or anything..”

 

“No. It's fine.” Olivia said quickly. Thank you, Kelley.” She said kindly.

 

“You want something stronger?” Erin asked her friend as she pointed at her wine glass.

 

“Please.” Olivia said, desperately.

 

~~

 

Hope could see the devastation on all of their faces. She hated using the excuse of the referees determining the game, but it was just true. That visiting team was egregiously throwing those elbows, pulling the jersey, not even playing soccer. There was moment on the field when Alex had run up the right flank and some girl slide tackled her before the ball had even landed in its flight to a spot 10 yards away from the girl.

 

Hope had thrown a fit. And it wasn't the best show of character, but when Alex had to be taken off to see one of the trainers, she had made a ruckus on the sideline with the assistant ref. Because even though she didn't tell at her players, that didn't mean she didn't to the officials and all other adults involved.

 

“Yeah, of course Hope Solo would create such a circus.” The other coach said. Carli, as the interim assistant girls soccer coach, had to unclench Hope’s fists and hold a bunch of her jacket in her hand so that she wouldn't have gone to the other half and show that other coach what a real circus looked like.

 

She had managed to reign in her fury for the second half, but when Kelley had been fouled and the wind knocked out of her at the last few seconds left of the match, she was in a stir of emotions that she knew were dangerous if she were to walk over to the opposing team's coach to shake hands.

 

Hope walked onto the field and gave her girls a high five, or a consolatory hand grip on the shoulder, but she made straight for her best player.

 

“O’Hara. Are you okay?” Hope called out. She stood in her spot and waited for the girl to slowly walk over to her, clutching her stomach, still having trouble with her breathing.

 

Hope felt the knife in her heart when Kelley continued to walk past her.

 

She walked backwards and halted the girl in her spot when she put her hand on the her stomach. It was a gentle touch, one that she hoped would soothe her.

 

“Are you okay?” Hope asked again, softer and quieter.

 

The older woman looked down at the number 14 on Kelley's jersey and felt like under the field lights and the crowd of parents and spectators, she may have just cried. She didn't realize until now that she had in fact traded with Julie. It felt like another knife in the heart.

 

“Oh now you want to talk to me?” Kelley said through strained breaths.

 

Hope looked around to see that no one was in the immediate vicinity.

 

“I want to know if you're okay.”

 

“I thought we established that you don't give a shit if I'm okay.” Kelley muttered as she wiped the sweat from her face onto her jersey and continued to make her way for the sideline.

 

Kelley's sadness was burgeoning into full on annoyance at the timing of Hope’s sudden care and attention. Kelley was a mess when it came to a loss in a match. She didn't think she could handle having to deal with Hope’s pitied attempts to check on her.

 

But that statement earned her a one on one meeting the woman who, for the past month, avoided her at all costs.

  


~~

 

“Kelley, before you go, I want to see you in my office.” Hope called out when they had made it back to the school.

 

Kelley just shooed Alex away when she offered to give her a ride back at her sister’s.

 

She had seen Hope standing by the doorway, waiting for her, but Kelley felt this sudden urge to just walk past her again. Rile her up. Because here was this woman who for the past month, seemed to be breathing and living like normal, unlike Kelley.

 

Kelley was desperately clinging onto the dignity that  she had left. She avoided her coach's classroom, she avoided her stare at practice, and she had resisted the attempt to text the number in her phone that she had looked at maybe 100 times a day. She touched herself endlessly to the thought of Her coach's mouth in her, but it always ended up in tears. Because if the last month was an indicator for the future, it would always just be a fantasy.

 

The sadness and the frustrating loneliness was making the girl retaliate at the sight of the woman who had left her even more confused as to what it meant for someone to care for another.

 

But the instant, Kelley felt this touch on her hip that burned her insides, all of those feelings evaporated into the air like a cloud of smoke that she inhaled. Hope Solo’s touch could make anyone high.

 

It was a firm grip of a hand that had looped around from behind and had gently, yet firmly made her take two steps back into a protective embrace that slowly guided her into an her coach's office.

 

And even though Kelley’s chest was already heaving at the sensation of Hope’s arms around her, she could feel how the way Hope was gripping her sides firmly, pinning her up against the door with the lights off. She could feel how much she wanted her.

 

“I told you that I cared about you.” Hope whispered as she leaned down and laid her forehead onto that of the girl. “Do you know that?”

 

“Kelley gulped. But she didn't answer. Because the last month was a lot different than this moment. She didn't know. And she wasn't prepared for the sudden stimulation of her senses to all that was her coach.

 

“Why did you tell Olivia that?” Hope asked. The pain in her tone was evident.

 

“I didn't tell her anything.” Kelley lied through her clenched teeth.

 

“She told me everything you said.” Hope said quietly. “Why'd you do that?”

 

The devastated look in the woman's eyes made Kelley rethink her whole approach.

 

“I'm trying to understand why you did what you did.” Hope said softly when she leaned down to whisper in her ear. “I'm not mad, I'm just-”

 

“Because _you were_ seeing someone else.” Kelley said as she glared up at her. Her cheeks were flushed from the anger and the desire to be defiant to this woman who had ignored her for four weeks, But they were also flushed from her coach's grip and the way their proximity was making her legs feel.

 

“It doesn't matter if you were supposed to or not, you _fucked_ someone else.” Kelley snarled.

 

“But I'm not anymore.” Hope said painfully. “That's the thing just matters. I'm not anymore.”

 

“Wow.” Kelley looked astonished. “You know exactly what to say in order to fuck me over.”

 

Kelley surrendered. She wasn't ready for this battle today. She turned for the door and to tear herself from the room that she felt had no more oxygen in it. It was suffocating. The idea of being rejected _yet again,_ was unbearable.

 

But she found no relief in a breath of fresh air from breaking out from the darkened office and the temptress that made it her lair. Hope’s strong arms wrapped around her and trapped her in a way that made Kelley's blood boil her insides with lust and she felt how much she wanted this person to touch her in her fingertips. The pain of the wanting rattled her ribcages.

 

“Please don't say that.” The whole left side of Kelley's body tingled when the hot steam of her coach's pales kissed her ear. Kelley could feel the way Hope’s palms bumped and skidded all along the elastic skin over her stomach when the older woman had pulled her in closer from behind.

 

“I don't know what the right thing to do with you is.” Hope hushed in her ear from behind. “I'm trying-”

 

Kelley turned around in her grasp so that she could see her coach.

 

“How do I make it better?” Hope pleaded into her ear. But the answer was already given in the girl's stare and the way she was leaning her whole body into that of Hope's strong frame.

 

Kelley planted fervent kisses on her, ones that the older woman closed her eyes and surrendered to.

 

“You know that I can’t-” Hope didn't finish her sentence. She was too busy letting her exhale of the breath she had been holding in since she told Kelley to report her. The girl was so small in her arms and tasted so sweet in her mouth.

 

It was like the first bite after a fast. Her mouth was watering from the way their mouths moved together. It was making Hope glue their bodies even closer together whenever she felt Kelley hesitate to use her tongue or shyly grip Hope’ side. It made the 28 year old even hornier at the idea of coaching Kelley at something that had nothing to do with soccer. It was just as exhilarating as the first time.

 

Hope grabbed the base of Kelley's bun with both hands and gripped it tight as her tongue licked, swiped, and stirred at the innocence of the seventeen year old.

 

When they pulled apart to breath, Hope reached over to switch on the light.

 

The sight of Kelley flustered and her lips swollen from the calculated attack Hope had released on them created a sordid longing in between Hope’s legs.

 

“I want to do things to you.” Hope whispered, her body quivering from the degenerate lust in her body and in her voice.

 

She felt the lust brew in her stomach when Kelley pulled her closer by her hold on the open flap of her track pant pockets.

 

Hope saw the sheen on the girl's cherry lips from their kiss and the way her delicious tongue was gliding across them. Her head was thrown back on the door and it was invitation for Hope to indulge in her rapacious ways.

 

Three years in its course, it was time for her to abandon the quest to get it right, knowing that she would never accomplish it. Not with Kelley O’Hara.

  


~~

  


“Baby. We're going to be late. We’re meeting them at 7, remember?”

 

“Who?” Hope called out when she had thrown on her leather jacket. She paused when she caught a whiff of honey when she had thrown her arms into it.  

 

“We’re meeting Erin. Remember?” Olivia asked sweetly, knowing that of course she didn't remember.

 

“Oooo.” Hope said. “We are meeting Erin O’Hara...?”

 

“And her husband.” Olivia added when she pecked her girlfriend on the lips.

 

“Why are we doing this again?” Hope asked. She had made it an initiative to avoid hanging out with the eldest sibling of the O’Hara clan for the last month, but the meeting with Kelley just an hour ago had completely washed her brain of common sense and anything in it.

 

“We are doing this because I love all of your friends, but you know none of mine.” Olivia said simply.

 

“Are you really friends though? You've known each other for like two seconds?” Hope smirked. The two had actually become really close.

 

“Shush.”

 

“How can we hang out if we are going to watch a movie? No one will be talki- oh.” Hope nodded her head. “Erin talks through movies too, doesn't she?”

 

Olivia smiled brightly.

 

“So this is going to basically be a date between you and Erin, while I get stuck with her husband. Great.” Hope said with pursed lips.

 

“Get used to it, baby. You're going to be seeing a lot of Erin.” The younger woman smirked.

  


~~

  


“Why are we doing this?” Heather asked with her nose upturned. Erin rolled her eyes.

 

“Because I actually want to see this movie.” Kelley shrugged.

 

“But it's so dark and I can't see you.” Heather pouted as they walked through the parking lot.

 

“Or...” Kelley pulled her closer and whispered into the blonde’s ear, “it's so dark, that no one can see my hand down your pants.”

 

The lewd things that had been done to her body just a while ago, had coaxed her to an insatiable bout of arousal that she desperately needed someone to quench. And this beautiful older girl was the best tool in her kit that would help her accomplish her mission.

 

“So what are you children going to do? Going to see the movie that Liv and I are going to?” Erin called over her shoulder.

 

“Hey, I’m here, too.” Her husband chuckled.

 

“Let’s be real, you’re here to entertain Hope while I go on this date.”

 

“Wait, Hope as in, Coach Solo...?” Heather called out.

 

“Uh, yeah.” Erin said in a not-so-friendly tone.

 

“That’s weird.” Heather muttered.

 

“It’ll be fine.” Kelley said when she grabbed Heather’s hand.

 

“You sure you want to go and hangout with that bitch?” Mitts asked with a scrunched up face.

 

“If we watch the same movie, Erin will buy our tickets. Guarantee.” Kelley smirked. In reality, she had no idea if Erin would pay for their tickets, but she had to try something. She had to see Hope.

 

And lucky for herself, Kelley was a specialist in charming people into doing what she wanted. She grinned when the movie house employee tore the stub off of both her and Heather’s tickets.

 

But she squirmed when she saw her Coach walking up, with her arm around her girlfriend.

  


~~

 

“I fucking hate that girl.” Hope muttered into Olivia’s ear.

 

“Why?” Olivia hushed.

 

“She’s a fucking-” Hope stopped at the sight of the girl next to Heather Mitts. She tightened her hold over Olivia’s shoulders.

 

Usually at the sight of Mittens, Hope usually felt the desire to pound something, whether it be her face or the midsection between her legs. The anger and annoyance usually riddled her, making her unable to process anything other than that for a good few minutes. That's why, at the sight of her blonde hair, she hadn't connected that she would have been here with the girl she was holding hands.

 

“LIV!” Hope looked up to see the woman who was the connection to it all.

 

“Erin!” Her girlfriend squeaked.

 

Over the two embracing women, Hope stole a glance at the girl that she had just unwrapped a couple of hours ago. She could see that Kelley was gauging her for something. The older women looked away.

 

“So I hope you don't mind, coach. I brought this nuisance.” Erin pointed over her shoulder at her little sister.

 

“And me.” Heather said with a sweet smile that seemed like not of it was savory, all just sour.

 

“Yay.” Hope said in a bored tone.

 

“Just kidding.” She said with a smile that mirrored the blonde’s.

 

“Oh, she loves me.” Heather called back with a smirk.

 

Hope turned back to the older women who were looking on in interest. She gave her girlfriend a look. One that she seemed to have understood and the shorter woman pulled her in closer.

 

“You’re not leaving me here to deal with a former player of mine.” Hope growled into her girlfriend’s ear.

 

“She’s pretty hot.” Olivia whispered with a smirk. “What’s wrong with her?”

 

“Everything.” Hope explained as she gave her girlfriend a kiss on the cheek.

_The fact that she’s a bad influence on my best player. The fact that she’s a spoiled brat who has the audacity to question my life. The fact that she’s here holding her hand. The fact that it’s more socially acceptable for someone like fucking Mittens to be doing what she’s doing in public, then it is for me._

 

_Her fucking smirk, and the way she comes on to me._

 

“Can we go see the movie?” Erin’s husband asked.

 

“Dude. I totally forgot you were here.” Hope chuckled. She followed him to go buy the girls some popcorn when their significant others started begging for them to buy it. Hope happily tagged along, wanting to put some distance between herself and Kelley.

 

When he started rambling on about some football team, one sport that she knew nothing about, she found herself lean onto the counter right next to the register, while her eyeballs rolled around in her sockets as she glanced at Kelley, who was standing next to her sister. She watched the way the girl started pulling Heather closer into an embrace and the eventual kiss. Hope slowly pulled herself up.

 

_That’s what heartbreak feels like._

 

“Are you okay, babe?” Olivia asked when she grabbed her hand as they walked to the theater. The older woman couldn’t really explain to her girlfriend what she was feeling.

  


~~

 

“I’m kinda liking this version of you.” Heather whispered into her ear. Kelley didn’t let up on the pressure that her mouth was putting on the older girl’s neck but she bit down in response. The way Heather was running her fingers down her thigh was sending chills down Kelley’s spine.

She took a break and leaned in and breathed out ragged breaths into the older girl’s ear, and felt the actual shudder throughout her body.

 

Kelley looked around to see that there was no one on their aisle, and the older part of their group had taken down seats at the bottom, closer to the screen. She studied the back of Hope’s head for a few seconds Heather and her would steal little kisses in between the scenes.

 

It wasn’t until almost halfway through the movie, when she saw Hope get up and exit the theater. She didn’t know why, but she knew that it was her cue to follow. To quench and satiate the lust that her coach had spurred on.

  


~~

 

Kelley almost stopped in her tracks to see her coach leaning on the wall of the darkened hallways entrance to the theater. She could see from the flashing lights of the screen that the older woman looked saddened.

 

“Hi.” Kelley said so low that her words almost drowned in the booming speakers in the theater. She put her hand on the woman’s cheeks, but the girl furrowed her brow when it didn’t seem to stir a positive emotion.

 

“What’s wrong?” Kelley asked when she scooted closer to the woman.

 

Through the flashes of white and red lights from the big screen that was pouring into the secluded hallway, the girl could see the misery in the woman’s downcast countenance.

 

“Hope.” Kelley pulled on the drawstring of one of Hope’s jackets.

 

“You know,” Hope said slowly without breaking her gaze, “exactly what you’re doing to me.”

 

The girl tried to search every inch of those blue eyes with the limited amount of light that the movie in the background was providing her with. She scavenged for the meaning, for the literal translation of this woman’s brooding face and tormented voice.

 

“What are you talking about?” Kelley asked as she held onto a belt look of the woman’s jeans.

 

“You’re such a smart kid.” Hope nodded.

 

“You’re going to ruin me.”

 

Kelley looked on in confusion and hurt. “Wh-what?”

 

She felt the air leave her lungs when Hope had switched their positions, and she felt the wall on her back, and Hope’s hand on her stomach.

 

“Why’d you bring her?” She whispered.

 

“I wanted to see you.” Kelley looked up at her with these sad eyes.

 

“So then...why’d you bring her?” She repeated.

 

“B-because! Y-y-you-” Kelley sputtered. “You’re here, kissing some other girl. And I knew you would be!”

 

“So you’re doing this to get back at me?” Hope asked sadly.

 

“I’m doing this, because it’s what you’re doing to me.” Kelley said darkly.

 

“What are y-”

 

“In order to make yourself feel a level of comfort with what you do to me in your office and in a bed, you feel the need to fuck someone who is a little older. Okay?” Kelley brutally put it. “So, why are you getting upset if I’m doing my own thing. It’s what you’re doing.”

 

“Because you know that it hurts me.” Hope said quietly.

 

“I thought it wou-” Kelley grabbed Hope’s hand, who was making her way out of the theater. “I thought it would have made you jealous. Hope, I didn’t-”

 

The older woman had wriggled out of her hold but Kelley’s persistent hold on her and her heartstrings were too strong to let her out.

 

“Why are you questioning how much I-I-I _belong_ to you?” Kelley passionately asked.

 

_You’re not supposed to belong to me. I’m not supposed to be standing here, making you feel guilty for going on a date with someone. I’m not supposed to belong to you. That’s not supposed to happen._

 

“What are you doing?” Hope asked when she put her head in her hands. She could hear her belt jangle over the booms and explosions of the movie playing in the background, and she felt the zipper of her jeans being undone.

 

“Please don’t.” Hope begged, even though it was useless. The crude and fumbling way Kelley’s hand shoved down underneath her underwear against her pleas brought on an erogenous and ardent stirring in her belly.

 

“Don’t hide from me.” Kelley said softly when her other hand softly peeled Hope’s hands from her face.

 

“I want to do things to you.” The girl whispered into her ear.

 

 

 

 

~~  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, life has just been hard and my writing has been really stagnant. Don't know how long I will be on a hiatus, it could be two hours, it could be two days, it could be two months. But I am thankful for the people who communicate with me on here and on tumblr. It really does help.
> 
>  
> 
> \- Wretched


	8. In a Way That Didn't Just Involve Her Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts of Hope Solo had consumed her days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what I just wrote. 6 hours of writing fueled by caffeine. Pardon my mess. I'll edit after my long awaited nap.

 

  
“Is it feeling better?” Syd asked after she handed Hope the ice bag.

“Eh. It's getting there.” Hope muttered. She put the bag on top of her shoulder when she sat on the training table.

“Good. That rest has been good for you.” Syd said with satisfaction. “You had been pushing yourself too much, Solo. You're like a maniac.”

“She's just a freak.” Carli said without looking up from her phone.

“Dude, I need to do it. If I don't exercise, I'll go like fucking crazy.” Hope said as she readjusted the bag of ice.

“So what have you been doing the past few weeks instead of training at like 5 am?” Syd asked with a smirk. “Getting all your exercise with Mystery?”

“Her name is Olivia.” Hope sighed.

“Yeah, I’m gonna go with Mystery.” Syd said simply. “Sounds so much hotter.”

“She's pretty hot though.” Carli said with a shrug.

Carli gave her best friend a high five.

“Dude. That girl is in love with you already.”

“Shut up.” Hope muttered.

“No, I mean it in a good way.” Carlie quickly added. “She's a good one. She calls you out on your shit. Fucking finally.”

“Mmmhmm. best thing about her.” Syd said with approval. “She knocks you down a few. I like her.”

“Yeah and she looks at you in this way. I don't know how to explain it,” Carli looked around for an easy way to do just that, “she looks at you the way Dom looks at Syd.”

Syd agreed.

“Or. Mystery looks at you the way Paul looks at Dom. Butt buddies.” Syd said.

“True.” The trainer and volleyball coach said at the same time.

Hope just sat there and listened to them exchange back and forth about her hot girlfriend. She didn't speak as her mind wandered off to the other person in her life who she had been ‘seeing’ and she thought about how the predicament she found herself in, the one where she was left juggling women, started to feel familiar again.

“Speaking of Dom....” Syd trailed off.

“You guys are having kids?!?” Hope asked excitedly, when she was brought back into the conversation.

“Ew no. Stop playing.” Syd chided. Everyone chuckled.

“So what about him?” Hope asked amid her laughter.

“Dom told me something interesting that Paul told him...” Syd said quietly. She took that minute to rearrange the tubes of pain cream on the counter.

“What did that English muffin say?” Carli asked.

“He told me that someone over here...” she shot Hope a look, “was seriously considering the Seattle offer after her little impromptu vacation up over there.”

Hope rolled her eyes. She should have known that Paul was going to gossip about this. He was a pretty good secret keeper, but when it came to Hope’s career..

“I'm telling her not to do it.” Carli said with a disappointed click of her tongue.

“Yeah dude. Don't do it.” Syd pushed.

“I haven't agreed to anything. And Harvey knows that.” Hope reassured.

“Yeah but why did you go there in the first place?” Carli quickly asked.

“I told you why.” Hope said through clenched teeth as she glared at her best friend.

“Why?” Syd with narrowed eyes.

“Because she's trusting that fucking...” Carli trailed off, too upset to finish. She distracted herself from her rising annoyance by going back to her phone.

“Oooo what has Carl’s panties in a bunch?” Syd asked.

“She doesn't like a...former teammate of mine.” Hope explained.

“She’s a fuck-Hope she sold you out!” Carli almost yelled.

“Okay chill.” Hope said. She put the bag of ice in one of the sinks. “Let's not talk about it. It gets Princess over here all mad.”

Carli rolled her eyes.

“Fine. But we're not finished with this. I'm not going to forget. Anyways, lWhat do we talk about? Because we got like 14 minutes before first period starts.” Syd informed them.

“Have you guys noticed how Jerramy doesn't talk to me anymore?” Hope asked a raised eyebrow. The other two exchanged glances while the soccer coach put her shirt back on.

“Yeah well you made him look like an idiot.” Syd said like it was obvious.

“How?”

“You led him on.” Syd said simply. The other two looked at her with wild faces of disbelief.

“Are you-” Carli looked at each of them. “You're joking...right?”

“Fucking of course I am!” Syd said with a face similar to theirs. “But I think he just feels like an idiot. I think he thought he had a chance with you.” She nodded at Hope.

“But he knew I like women...right?” The soccer coach asked suspiciously.

“I think he ignored the signs.” Carli said with a sheepish grin.

“Well it's been awhile.” Hope said with shrug. “He should get over it.”

“I think he's like...religious.” Syd said quietly.

“Ew. Are you serious? He’s like that?” Carli said with a glare.

“Hey. I don't know anything! He's never said anything to me, he just- i don't know...just from the times I've talked to him. He's probably like that...”

“Too bad. He was a good dude.” Hope said.

“Yeah he was good until he figured he couldn't get into your pants.” Carli snorted.

“Isn't man hating supposed to be my thing?” Hope asked with a sly grin.

“Yes.” Carli said. “Unless it has to do with you, specifically. Then it's my job.”

“You two should get married.” Syd offered.

“It would be so peaceful.” Carli said with a content smile. Hope nodded in agreeance.

“Syd, do you know what-” all three adults looked up to see Kelley O’Hara at the door.

“Cap!” Carli called out. “I haven't seen you in awhile. Bummer about the last game.”

The girl gave a sad smile, but she hesitated in her steps forwarded. She kept her hand on the doorknob and decided to wait for permission to enter. Instead of looking to the coach who was in charge of the training room, she looked at the woman sitting on the long table, looking at her with soft eyes. Kelley was getting used to waiting on Hope’s call on whether she would come or not.

“Well come in.” Hope said encouragingly, and with a wave of her hand.

Kelley's heart melted. Sydney noticed the little skip in the girl's step when she made her way to join the coveted coach’s circle.

“You'll get ‘em next time.” Syd offered the teenager.

“It was dumb. The ref was dumb.” Kelley said sullenly.

“Yeah. Hopey over here almost took the AR out.” Carli said matter of factly. The soccer coach just rolled her eyes and decided not to comment when one of her players was right next to her.

“Omg. Hopey! I'm going to use that now. That's so adorable!!” Syd clapped her hands.

“Haha! I haven’t told you about that, yet?” Carli asked with delight.

“See what you did.” Hope said with a little twinkle in her eye as she jokingly nudged Kelley. The girl smiled, and Hope felt like she had a small little victory, even if it was at her own expense. The way the girl had her hand on the table, right next to Hope, and her whole body was leaning towards the woman she no doubtedly pledged herself to, was making her chest ache.

The woman's look lingered for a little bit too long on Kelley's face. Her eyes traveled around her smile, her freckles, and the featured that usually made Hope feel something in her thighs. Something verboten.

Hope mindfully looked away when she heard the call of her nickname.

“You can't unlearn that dude.” Syd chuckled. “Your coach isn't as cool as you may have thought she was, huh?”

“You know she's actually a big Star Wars fan?” Carli asked eagerly.

“You know she tried to learn Klingon?” Syd asked with widened eyes.

“Okay! Okay. You guys shut your mouth! I didn’t have a normal childhood. No one told me what was cool and what was not!” Hope said defensively. Kelley chuckled.

“She's a total nerd. Don't let her tell you otherwise.” Carli warned.

“I believe you, Coach Lloyd.” Kelley said with a big smile.

“And sometimes, she-

“No!” Hope slammed her hands over Kelley's ears. “Enough of this.”

The two women chuckled.

“Good timing, because I need to talk to little one over here, anyway.” Hope said as she dragged Kelley out of the training room, the laughter of her friends fading as she closed the door behind her.

She heaved a sigh when the door closed. It was out of relief, the girl out of reach for her two friends to embarrass her even more. Hope had her back against the door, and she watched Kelley turn and wait for her to follow. It seemed like the girl was once again, waiting for her permission for something. But she smiled when she realized that her and Kelley were alone in the small five foot long hallway that connected the girl's locker room and the training room. The muffled voices of her two friends provided them with background noise, but she just stared at the girl.

“Hi.” Kelley said quietly. She never did well in the silence. Something about it, made Kelley think. Not in the way she wanted to. And Hope’s stare was unreadable, unwavering.

In lieu of a response, Hope swiftly and confidently grabbed the sides of Kelley's neck and tugged her closer so that the girl was on her tiptoes and gently kissing Hope on the lips.

It was sweet.

Kelley got a little dizzy from the whirlwind of it all.

The soccer coach walked so that she had Kelley pinned up against the cement wall in this darkened, abandoned hallway, that had a small chance of someone passing through.

“I really do have to talk to you about something though.” Hope said as she lifted the bottom of Kelley's shirt and rubbed little circles on her hip bone.

“What did I do this time?” Kelley asked with dread.

“HAO says that you didn't do too well on the last test. Says that can't happen again if you want to keep your grade and your ranking.” The woman warned.

Kelley rolled her eyes.

“Can you guys stop acting like my parents?” Kelley quietly asked. She let the back of her head softly hit the wall.

“Little one. You know how important- all of this stuff is important if you are going to Stanford.” Hope added.

“I know!” Kelley strained.

“You're like the only good thing that is going to come out of Peachtree City, Cap.”

“That's too much pressure.” Kelley said, defeatedly. Her fingers sought refuge in Hope’s pockets.

“You can handle it.” Hope said strongly when she braced the girl's arms.

Kelley sighed.

“Can I just take a break from being me? Please?” Kelley pouted.

“Fine.” Hope said softly. She stroked Kelley's chin. “As long as you go to class. Yeah?”

“Okay.” Kelley reassured.

“Okay.” Hope said softly. She kissed her again softly. Something about their sweet little kisses that happened randomly, stole Kelley's whole day away and she was thrown into a distracted state of bliss and pleasant dreams. No doubt, the reason why she wasn't paying attention to the last few weeks in Stats class.

Thoughts of Hope Solo had consumed her days.

It was frustrating and exciting at the same time.

It was frustrating because her and Hope had never talked about what they had, or didn't have. The last few weeks consisted of Kelley sending unreturned text messages to the woman, and unreturned, pining looks her way in those school hallways. The girl was only rewarded with a subtle touch at random times, ones that Kelley had spent her days longing for. Maybe it was when Hope had passed her in the hallways, or maybe when the woman would put a hand on the small of Kelley's back for a second too long when she was scooting past her.

Practices after school were the same, the woman finding moments to pick on her and push her the hardest, leaving Kelley to grind her teeth in frustration and bite her tongue when she felt like yelling out the details of how Hope’s fingers traveled up her body, details for all of her friends to hear.

It was frustrating to know that even after their moments in the movie theater, Hope’s guest room, and even in her office, that Kelley still had no idea what was going on up in that woman's head.

_I still haven't been let in._

But her frustrated arguments with her on the field and the long hours of the day she spent staring at their one-sided text conversation, were all worth it when her coach would wrap her calloused palm around Kelley's finger when they were alone in the ball cage when the senior had volunteered to take them out to the fields. It was worth it when the woman would look at her for a beat too long when her and Ash would crash her class. It was worth it the many times that Hope would let her sit on the top of her classroom desk and the woman's elbows would touch her knee as she typed out emails on her school laptop.

It was most definitely worth it on those rare days when she would feel Hope’s hand on her hip and her hot breath in her ear, telling her to meet her later on in the parking lot after they had just won a game. Hope would silently drive her to her house before she would do something that a woman of that age shouldn't be doing to her body. It was worth it when the woman would pull her into a an empty classroom and look at her for a hot, long moment before she would slowly unbutton her shirt, or hike up her skirt.

And even though there wasn't much talking, or clarification of what Hope wanted, or what she was doing, or what the expectations were, it was still worth it. The handful of days in which Hope made her feel special, was worth it. The ache in Kelley's chest and the one in between her legs kept her on her knees in the submissive position she would always be in with Hope Solo.

Because it was something. She knew that Hope wasn't in a position to be the person to hold her hand and walk her home, or meet her parents. She knew enough.

“Go to class, little one.” Hope said into her ear as they stood in the hallway.

“Why? I still got like two-”

They both looked up when the bell rang.

Hope smirked.

 

  
~~

 

 

“So...” Paul said slowly, “What's been going on? Haven't talked to you, bruv.”

“Nothing.” Hope said simply.

“So everything cool?” He asked with narrowed eyes.

“Yep.” She said as they sat on the steps on her deck. Her mood and demeanor were a lot different than the last time that they had been in this spot, discussing the dilemma of the century.

Hope looked down at her phone when it buzzed.

 **Olivia:** won't that be a lil weird. Having a student at ur house??? 11:24am

 **Hope Solo:** yeah I guess. But it's kinda okay. Idk let's talk later. 11:25am

 **Olivia:** k. I just want you to think it thru. 11:27am

 **XXX-342-5903:** I know you don't want me to text you, but I just miss you. 8:03am

Hope looked at the text conversation on her phone that belonged to the person that shouldn't be texting her. She wished she could text back.

“Hey! Earth to Solo. Get you head innit. Tell me the truth.” Paul demanded. She sighed and then held her knees closer to her body.She folded her hands on top of them and looked at him intensely.

It said all that it needed to say.

“So...it happened again?” Paul asked.

No answer.

“Is it becoming a thing?” He asked curiously. “Like a ‘feelings’ thing?”

No answer.

“You still with Olivia? She's a good one.” He said sadly.

“I'm still with her.”

“Meaning she doesn't know?”

Hope nodded.

“You think maybe this oughta stop?” He asked quietly. “For her well-being and all? For both of them. For you”

Hope sighed. “You think I haven't thought about that?”

“Clearly not.” He said.

“What does that mean?” She asked in an exasperated voice.

“You're avoiding it.” Paul said simply. “Just like you do with everything that's hard. Don't mean it as a dig.” He said with eyes that warned her that it wasn’t intended the way she was taking it.

“I'm just saying bruv. It's a lonely plight. I know you’re trying to handle shit up here,” he pointed to her forehead, “but I know that it can be...isolating. You don’t handle it well. I'm here.” He said simply.

“I'm just...” Hope shook her head, unable to formulate a thought.

“You haven't drank. I like that part. But makes me think that you may be doing something else. Something not good for you.” He said quietly.

“Like sleeping with a student?” Hope asked, her unwavering gaze challenging him to admonish her for her twisted ways.

“Stop.” He warned. “We talked about this.”

“And I don't want to talk about it anymore.” She warned back.

“You're gonna hold it in, and then you're gonna lash out.” He said simply. “I'm here. To talk.”

“I can't.” She pushed. “For me, and for you. You can't be pulled into this. It's a messy shit.”

“I already know who it is.” He said when he looked down at his muddied boots.

Hope stopped breathing.

But they both looked up when a car had pulled up into her driveway.

“You wanted to see me, Coach Solo?” A voice came from the driver’s side window. It was weary.

“Uh...yeah Messi. Come in.” Hope said after she had cleared her throat. She waved him towards them.

 

 

~~

 

 

“Just add two spoonfuls of sugar. That's the way he likes it.” Kelley called over her shoulder as Ash struggled to make a good cup of coffee for Mr. Morgan.

“You do this every morning??” Ash asked in disbelief.

“Yep! The mornings I’m here.” Kelley said with a smile. “Least I could do, ya know?”

The short girl continued to fry the eggs and cook the sausage while another pan was making the pancakes. She hummed and sung a song while the morning buzzed throughout her body and she made a feast for the Morgan's all before 7:30 in the morning.

She helped Ashlyn with setting the table and showed her the specific way that she laid it all out for her adoptive family every morning, and the habits she had set for them.

The goalkeeper just sat back and watched Kelley exceed at one more thing in her life.

“You're gonna go far, kid.” Ash said with a smile.

Kelley looked up from her focus on the width in between the forks and the spoons and met her friend’s eyes. She smiled.

“Thanks.” She said softly. She could feel the genuine affection in Ash’s voice.

“So before her majesty wakes up, I wanted to talk to you about something.” Ash said quietly, not wanting the host family to hear her.

“Wassup?” Kelley asked when she had turned around to throw the rag on her shoulder back onto the counter.

“That girl you slept with...is that still..is that a-i don't know...a thing?” Ash asked hesitantly.

“I don't know Ash. Yeah?” Kelley said as she scratched the back of her neck. She didn’t know how to have this conversation, again.

“You don't want to talk about it?” The keeper asked.

“I don't know.” Kelley said as she busied herself with nothing really. She just moved around some of the silverware on the table.

“Do you talk about it at all?”

Kelley squirmed. “I promised her that I wouldn't talk about it. It's like a secret.”

“You know, you can trust me, right?” Ash asked as she looked down at the plate. She wanted to give Kelley the chance to think for herself, not under the pressure of a stare.

“I...need to do this alone.” Kelley whispered.

“You don't have to. I'm here.” Ash pushed. “So is Al.”

Kelley snorted.

“You know she means well.” Ash chided. “She’ll murder someone for you at the end of the day.”

“I have a feeling that Alex won't like this girl, either..” Kelley muttered.

“Why is that?”

“She's...older. I guess.” Kelley shook her head. She walked away to set the plate of eggs on the table.

“How much older?” Ash asked.

Kelley didn't answer. She continued to set the table.

“Like...older than Mitts?”

No response.

“Cool...” Ash said. “Great talk.” She said sarcastically.

Kelley glared at her.

_Don't push me, Ash._

“Just give me something, Kell.” Ash surrendered.

The girl looked at her, studying and analyzing her friend, wondering if she would ever find an unwavering bone in her body. The loyalty in the keeper was as strong and steady as a rock.

_Can I really trust Ash with this?_

“I'm still seeing her....kinda.” Kelley said when she had sunk into one of the chairs. She opted to stray away from the age topic.

“R-really?” Ash asked in disbelief. “When do you...how- where- when do you hang out with her?”

“I don't know.” Kelley shrugged. “I mean there are nights in which I sleep over here, at Erin's, and then some in which I'm hanging out with her.”

“Like you sleep over?”

“Yeah.” Kelley shrugged. “But. It's only been like three times or four. I don't really talk to her much.”

“Are you okay with that?”

Kelley's dampened face and posture were enough to answer the question.

“Does she..i don't know KO, does she make you happy? Does she treat you right?”

“Yeah, I mean she doesn't treat me badly if that's what you're asking.” Kelley said defensively.

“So she's better than Mittens?”

“Mitts doesn't treat me badly. I mean, I guess the one thing with this girl, is that her mood flip flops. I don't know how to explain.”

“Try me.” Ashlyn said as she settled into her chair.

“Well..” Kelley sighed as she tried to put the words together, “a lot of days, she just ignores me. Or fucking acts like nothing happened. It's fucking frustrating how easy it all seems for her.”

“That must feel shitty.” Ash empathetically nodded.

“Yeah! It sucks. But sometimes...some days... she just looks at me, ya know? And it just feels like...” Kelley searched the English language for a word that could describe the feeling. “I don't know. It just feels like I'm the only person she sees. I don't know. It's stupid.”

“Not at all!” Ashlyn quickly said. She was just glad that Kelley was still talking. This was a rare moment of the girl actually opening up.

“She makes me..happy doesn't describe it, Ash. Like..I've never felt this way before.” Kelley admitted with frenzied eyes. “It’s...amazing. It’s a surreal experience.”

The keeper noticed the way Kelley squirmed with delight. Like her body had gotten a surge of excitement and glee at the thought of being loved. It was enough for Ashlyn to reign in the leave-headed spiel she was about to spew.

It was the only time she had seen someone make Kelley act this way. The keeper had spent the last few years collecting the data and the observations to make the conclusion as to who was this source of this kind of happiness.

“If I told you that I know who this person is, would you be honest in telling me if I was right?” Ashlyn asked slowly. “Because I think I know who it is...”

“I don't know if I want to go down this road with you...plus I doubt you do. ” Kelley said. Her eyes scanned the width of the keeper's eyes. They furiously rocketed left and right and searched for the tell. She couldn't find it.

“If I'm right, I just want you to know that Alex isn't your only friend. I am too. And I don't judge. I'm just here to support. “ Ash said quietly.

“Ash...” Kelley looked at her suspiciously.

“Just nod your head if it's someone I know.” Ashlyn offered.

After a few seconds of tense silence, Kelley nodded, begrudgingly. The temptation was flowing in her veins, pulsing her animalistic desire to socialize and connect, working against her mental will to protect the one that had unraveled her in an unimaginable way.

“Just nod your head if it's someone who is in a relationship.” Ash commanded softly.

A slight nod in response.

“Nod your head if she plays soccer.”

Kelley thought about it for a second. _Technically she still does play..kinda. Well she did. That counts._

She nodded.

“Just nod your head if..” Ash sighed and looked away for a second, “we met her our sophomore year.”

Kelley's eyes widened. She didn't nod her head this time.

“Feed me!” Alex’s raspy voice boomed from the hallway. They both shot their head up to see the sleepy girl demanding Kelley for a coffee, before she would be able to devour the pancakes.

The freckled face girl quickly got up to pour her a cup, hoping that the steam of the liquid was the reason for her warm cheeks.

 

  
~~

 

  
“This shit is nasty.” Leo said with a scrunched up face.

“It's just something that your mom suggested. You don't have to do it.” Hope chuckled.

“Mom’s making me into a stereotype.” Leo shook his head as he looked at all the junk in Hope’s pool. “She's just suggesting jobs that brown people usually do.”

Paul and Hope chuckled at that.

“Hey bruv. Think about it. She's loaded. They agreed to you coming out and fixing stuff around here for 15 an hour. Good deal, yeah?” Paul reasoned.

The boy nodded slightly.

“You already maintain the fields. Have those skills to be a handyman.” Paul offered. “Plus. You'll have me to help you. But you get paid. I don’t.”

Leo chuckled when the man rolled his eyes. “I swear, this woman doesn't pay me jack, been helping her out for a decade or so. I don't get any thanks.”

“Okay men. Hush.” Hope said. “Does this interest you?” She asked the boy.

He mulled over it.

“Listen man. You do this, I show you the ropes of coaching. You'll make that cash.” Paul said with a smirk.

The boy eventually agreed.

“Good. Now how have you been?” Hope asked softly.

Leo just shrugged and looked away, clearly not interested in having a conversation with her.

“You still pissed at me, huh?” She asked.

No response.

_Damn, kid. Don't you know I care about you?_

“Alright, well i'll let your mom know the details and stuff.” Hope sighed.

“I like him.” Paul said when they watched him back his car out of Hope's driveway. “He reminds me of me back in the day.”

 

  
~~

 

  
“Girl, dance with me!” Crystal ordered as she bumped her hips into the very still Tobin Heath.

“Crys. I can't compete. I'm not going to try.” Tobin said as she slid her back down the locker and sat down on the floor. She looked down at her phone.

 **Messi:** did I do something wrong? 8:36am

Tobin sighed.

 **Tobinha:** of course not. Y would you say that? 8:42 am.

 **Messi:** you've been blowing me off. If I did something, just tell me 8:43 am

“Hey.”

Tobin felt the hot breath of Alex’s voice in her ear. The midfielder smiled. The forward’s lopsided grin and charm had been pretty absent in the group for awhile now, and feeling the warmth of her body next to hers was a pleasant surprise.

“Why hello Ms. Morgan. Decided to join us, huh?” Tobin smirked.

Alex returned it with a soft smile, one that wasn't meant for her and Crystal, one just for her. Her smile may have been soft, but her eyes were scavenging for a sign for the state of mind Tobin was in.

“I haven't talked to you in a long time.” Alex said softly.

“I know. It's like you're avoiding me.” Tobin said jokingly.

“Naaaah. I've just been stressed. Well..” Alex thought about it, “I've been avoiding everyone but Kelley. I'm stuck with her. But everything has been stressing me out. Didn't want anyone near my craziness.”

“Oh yeah? What's going on Al?” Tobin asked. She turned to see that Crystal had put some headphones in, clearly jamming away to whatever beat was flowing into her ears.

Tobin grabbed Alex's hand as a sign of reassurance.

“School. College. Soccer. Kelley.” Alex sighed.

“What did Kell do?” Tobin asked curiously.

“She's just been shady. Keeping things from me.” Alex said simply.

“How do you know that?”

“With Kelley....there's always just something.” Alex said thoughtfully. “Anyways, she's not the only thing. Mostly just normal high school bullshit. I'm ready to get outta here.”

Tobin gave her a squeeze to the hand. They both sat there, Crystals music providing some background noise, and enjoyed their now rare moment together.

“How are you?” Alex asked when she had rolled her head to the side to look at the girl.

“I'm...me.” Tobin said with a laugh.

“How is Leo? How are you and him?” Alex asked.

Tobin grasped for the answer in her brain. Ever since he had gotten beaten up, things had changed for Tobin. And she had sat with the sadness and realization that she was being the most horrible girlfriend in the world to the most undeserving person.

_Who would act like this after someone had gone through that?_

She remembered seeing his bruises and the bloodied face when her coach had saved him, and she remembered that that was the moment she felt this ice cold dread run through her blood.

It was a serious event. It was serious hate. She remembered seeing his mom break down a little every once in awhile when she had spent some time at his house. Tobin remembered the way Christen would hug the mother and whisper something soothing.

Tobin knew that he needed someone to genuinely care for him. He needed someone to do what her friend effortlessly did for his mother. Someone to want to hold him when he was showing signs of needing love.

After something so serious happens in someone’s life, they usually discard all of the bullshit and start being true. Stop wasting time. And even though this didn't happen to her, it affected her much the same.

_After what happened, I can't keep lying to him._

And for Tobin, it had been a slow process to realize that she didn't want to do any of that. Sure it didn't repulse her to hold his hand. It didn't make her want to throw up at the thought of kissing him. But there was something missing.

“Me and him are...not that good, Al.” Tobin said defeatedly.

She looked up to see Alex’s whole body tense.

“Oh?” Alex asked in a high pitched voice.

“Yeah. We're actually really shitty. But...whatever.”

“Well, that must suck. After all that happened and stuff. Do you...” Alex shook her head, not knowing if she should ask this question, “even want to be with him?”

_That's a really calculated question._

Tobin didn't know if she was being paranoid, or if that was just a normal question asked by a friend, but she didn't like it. It was straight and to the point and it was a question that had been on her mind, eating away at her. She didn't like that someone else was able to question her.

_Everyone stop interrogating me._

“I don't know, Al. Don't ask me.” Tobin grumbled.

Alex was taken aback. Tobin was always so easy going. This was different.

“Sorry. I was just wanting to know how you guys were doing...”

“You're not the only one stressed, okay? Some of us have shit to deal with, too. And I'd appreciate if you would just chill with the third degree.” Tobin’s silky smooth voice was uncharacteristically filled with irritation.

“Okay, Tobs.” Alex said softly. “I didn't-”

“Just stop talking about it, Al.” Tobin shook her head. “We haven't talked in awhile, so why start with this?”

That hurt the forward deep down inside. She couldn't really blame Tobin for saying it, but it still stung.

They both sat in silence while they watched Crystal dance to an muted beat, completely oblivious to the miserable state that her two teammates were in, their relationship in shambles.

 

~~

 

  
“So you're coming next week for the party?” Kelley asked. She cradled the phone on her shoulder while she put on her game socks and observed her coach talking to Alex.

“Well duh. That's what I said!” Mitts chuckled. “Season’s over. And my mom is flying me out there for the whole week. I can stop by for a high school party.”

“Don't you have class?”

“It sounds like you don't want to see me...that's cool O’Hara. I'll find someone else to hang with.”

“No! I didn't say that!” Kelley quickly said, her eyes still on Hope. “Of course I want to see you.”

“Are you sure..?” Mitts asked. “Because last time, you ditched me for like ever at the movies...”

“That was because I ran into a friend on the way to the bathroom. Chill, Heather.”

“Okay...I'm just saying, Kell.” Heather said in a tone that signified that she was disappointed.

“What are you trying to say?”

“I don't know, kid. Maybe...maybe.-”

Kelley sat still while she listened to the silence on the line.

“Never mind. It's dumb. I gotta go. Talk to you later?”

The older girl didn't even wait for Kelley's response. The girl looked down at her phone to see that she had hung up. She rolled her eyes and then threw her phone into her bag.

“You should just get rid of her, huh?” Tobin said without looking up from the shoes she was tying.

“No fucking joke.” Kelley muttered. She grabbed a ball and started passing it to Tobin when the girl got up. Kelley didn't want to think about why she still hadn't let go of the girl in Florida.

“Hey. You know what coach and Al are talking about over there?” Tobin nodded towards the two people who were off to the side.

“Nope.” Kelley said when she had flicked the ball up to juggle for a bit before passing it on again. The two juggled together before their warm up.

“You know Alex and I had a fight this morning.” Tobin said as she trapped it with her thigh and then volleyed it back.

“Yep.”Kelley said as she mimicked her teammate. “She said that you officially hate her.”

“Ugh you two are so dramatic.” The ball popped with every hit the ball took as they sent it back to each other.

“Sounds like you were the one who flew off the handle.” Kelley said, never taking her eye off the ball.

“Eh. Yeah. I guess.”

“Why though?” Kelley asked. She sent it up high on the air for her friend to settle. Which she did perfectly.

Tobin sighed.

“I hate questions about him.” She shrugged.

“I gotcha.” Kelley said when the ball came her way. “You should be with someone who you want to be with Tobs. Simple.”

Tobin laughed at that.

“I'm serious! Stop wasting your time if he's not the one.” Kelley said when she had kicked up the ball for her to catch and stare at her friend.

“Funny coming from you.” Tobin said with raised eyebrows.

“What does that mean?”

“Why are you still wearing those Mittens when we all know you're seeing someone else?”

Kelley looked at her with a slackened face.

 

 

~~

 

  
“Yeah. It's a good thing. I’m actually really freaking proud of you, kid!” Hope said with a big smile.

“Thanks.” Alex said sheepishly. “But no one knows yet, coach. I kinda want to talk about it on my own time.”

“No problem.” Hope looked up to make sure that the rest of the girls were getting up and moving. She spotted Kelley on the phone, something she wasn't supposed to be doing. She decided to let it go. “Just you, me, and your parents know? No one else?”

“Yeah. I mean, really there is nothing to tell right now. They just said that they're interested.”

“That's something to tell, Alex.” Hope said with a warm smile. “I remember how I felt when a club told me that they were interested. I can imagine you know a big school like Cal telling me that. Trust me. It's something to tell.”

“I WAS really excited.”Alex said, her smile just as big as her coach's.

“Good. You should be. Because these last few games, you've been playing like you're actually enjoying yourself.” Hope said softly.

“Yeah. I have been.It's been a good release from all of the crap with school. ” Alex nodded.

“Well good. I think making you Captain was one of the best decisions I've made for this team.”

Alex glowed. Coach Solo was always a benevolent dictator on the field. practices were the Solo show and it was always her way, or the highway.She made them run, she made them do push-ups, she made them hate their lives. But she also took them to state, and almost always made them see that the shit they thought was pointless in practice, was applicable in the game.

And off the field, Alex wasn't super close with her like Tobin and Ashlyn seemed to be, but her coach had graciously offered her classroom as a safe haven for her to catch up on homework. She did make her captain. And even though Alex didn't know it (her parents did), through her club connections and her personal relationship with the Berkeley women's soccer coach, her coach had gotten the school interested in her.

Alex felt her body fill with pride when her coach had given her these warm words. It was all a student athlete ever needed.

“We’ll talk more about it with your parents, but I'm..man Al, I'm proud of you.”

Alex felt like crying.

“Now get out there and go warm everyone up.” Hope said with a smirk.

 

  
~~

 

  
Kelley O’Hara was something special. Watching her blaze up and down the field like she had no physical limitations, was an amazing experience with Hope.

_Potential, potential, potential._

Her, Alex, and Christen were a deadly combination. No one in the district really stood a chance to Alex’s speed, Christen’s technical finishing, or Kelley's overall athleticism and soccer IQ.

For this away game, Hope mostly sat on the bench and maybe took a few notes here and there, but she managed to stay quiet. It was a good game. It was a good showcase of their talent. She didn't need to speak. Her players performance spoke for itself.

She watched her girls celebrate the three goals, and the sight of Kelley bringing Christen in for a big hug, brought a pang to her chest. It brought back memories of her old days, and the time in her life when she was on the pitch when her team scored. It was always an exhilarating feeling when her team scored a goal. She could feel the embers of the fire it used to bring to her life.

But even more powerful, was the overwhelming feeling of pride for everyone. Because this was _her_ team. She was just now on the sidelines.

And seeing that number 14 run up and down those 120 yards with the same passion she used to, was enough for her.

_There's nothing that she can't do._

When the final whistle blew, Hope gave Tobin a high five paired with their usual handshake, she gave Crystal their usual celebratory booty bump, and she even put a reassuring pat on the shoulder to her little fish, Mal.

“Cal’s gonna want the footage of this game and that goal.” Hope whispered into Alex sweaty ear. The girl beamed.

But the soccer coach stood rooted in her spot when she looked at Kelley. The girl was hanging onto Ashlyn’s back and was joking with Christen and laughing and enjoying their win. Their sweaty faces and soaked uniforms didn't deter how close the girls were hanging onto each other.

Nothing was more beautiful.

Kelley slowly jumped off of Ashlyn back, her vehicle to the sideline, when she saw her coach softly smiling at her. Kelley planted herself in front of the woman and looked up, ready for her treat.

“That's was something, Cap.”

“Alex did pretty good.” Kelley said through her heavy breathing. “I think it had something to do with that pep talk she had with her awesome coach.”

Hope smirked.

“You did pretty good too, little one. Got yourself a goal.”

“Yeah, well. I've got so many, the feeling wears off.” Kelley joked.

“Well.” Hope turned to walk back to the bench, Kelley followed. “I'm proud of every single one of your goals. The feeling doesn't wear off for me.”

Kelley stood immobilized in her spot, the feeling setting in her chest and in her loins. It was something that burst through and the girl couldn't quite explain just how much further she was falling in love with the woman who just smirked at her before she walked away.

 

  
~~

 

Hope sat in the driver's seat of the bus that carted them to the school that they had played at. She watched as each of them shuffled out.

“Mal. Make sure to grab the ..yeah.” She smiled when the promising young freshman grabbed the bag of thirty balls, the bag bigger than the girl's body, and carted them out with a big grin.

The coach made sure to grab her belongings that were sitting in the dash and she made to get up when she looked into the huge rear view mirror. She spotted Kelley standing in the aisle, in the back of the bus, waiting for her.

Hope sat still when she saw the way Kelley had taken a gulp. She observed in the mirror the small steps she was taking, and the way her hands were wiping the residual sweat back into her hair, slicking it back.

The woman started breathing heavy. With every step the girl was taking, Hope could feel that feeling again. The feeling that she felt whenever the school's valedictorian closed in on her, when she wasn't ready for it.

Hope looked away from the mirror when she saw Kelley's hand settle on the back of her seat. She could hear her fingers scratch against the linoleum lining of the seat as the girl's hand drew closer to the nape of her neck.

She indulged. But just a little bit.

Hope let Kelley's fingers graze her neck and she leaned her back into them for a split second with closed eyes.

“Kell.” Hope said in a low tone. She put her head back up. “Don't.”

She gripped the bag that was holding her belongings even harder.

“Why not?” Kelley whispered. The woman could see the teenagers chest heaving. No doubt from the same want and desire pulsing through her veins.

The woman looked up and then slyly pointed at the device that was hanging above her head and on the left top part of the windshield.

“There's a camera.” Hope said slowly.

“Okay.” Kelley said after a few seconds filled with realization and heavy pants. She quickly removed her hand and played with her jersey.

The woman could feel the ghost of Kelley's touch on her neck and she closed her eyes again when she heard the girl's footsteps as she descended the bus.

_Fucking please light me on fire._

 

  
~~

 

  
On the way to the school locker rooms, Kelley clutched the spot over stomach as she tried to even her breathing.

The adrenaline was still coursing. She needed to calm her body. She joked around with Ash and Tobin while they goofed off and grabbed their school books from their lockers. She pulled out her phone when she had shouldered her school backpack.

 **XXX-342-5903:** Can I see you tonight? 9:01pm

She didn't really know how successful the text was going to be, but the way her coach had warned her about the camera, made her feel like maybe Hope was wanting her body just as much as Kelley was craving hers.

The girl absentmindedly laughed at one of Tobin's jokes, while she stared at the door to her coach's office, every once in awhile. They had been standing around for a good fifteen minutes when Alex had come in, avoided Tobin’s stare, and then yelled at Kelley like she was the toddler that she had been looking for after hours at the mall.

“Are you coming or what? I’ve been in the car for like twenty minutes!” Alex yelled.

Before Kelley could respond, they all heard the door to Coach Solo’s door open.

“O’Hara! Wanna talk to you.” Hope called out.

Kelley turned back to her red-faced friend who looked like she was about to strangle her.

“I’ll catch a ride from Erin. Sorry dude.” Kelley muttered before she turned to walk towards Hope’s office. Kelley felt Ash’s hand on her shoulder before her best friend had let out a frustrated groan. Tobin shuffled out, avoiding Alex’s stare, and Ashlyn walked over to Alex.

“We need to talk.” Ashlyn said seriously when it was just the two of them.

 

  
~~

 

“Thank you.” Kelley said softly over the hum of the engine. It was dark and the parking lot lights were off by the time Hope had pulled Kelley by the hand and into her car. Ironically, the darkened, shut down school felt like a sanctuary for the woman. She could clear her thoughts of the white noise of the rest of what the world had to say about what she was doing in the for walls of that school. For now, her pupils were dilated with the desire to close in on what she wanted.

Over the console in between them, she let Kelley lean forward and kiss her with these lips that were much more confident in her motions and much more skilled than the first time. The hot breaths on each other’s skin and the soft lips and wet kisses were starting to rile her up. Her fingers were caught in the girl’s hair at the back of her neck, and she could smell the sweat and honey. Kelley's small moans were prize of the night.

“Do you want me to take you to Erin’s?” She asked when she had pulled away for air.

“No.” Kelley said with a furrowed brow. It seemed like that was the stupidest question that Hope could have asked.

“Do you want me to take you to Alex’s?” She tried Kelley’s patience.

“No.” Kelley pushed. Neither one of them wanted to relent in this cat and mouse dynamic that was set between the two, neither wanted to acknowledge what was going to end up happening.

“What do you want me to do?” Hope whispered. She watched as Kelley sat back into the headrest of the passenger side seat and looked at her with a stare that said: _Why do you do this to me?_ It was a glare, but it also had an amount of melancholy mixed in her eyes with the girl’s frown. The woman tensed at the different mood that had just settled into their car. She ground her teeth together, resisting the urge to react quickly.

Kelley gave in.

“I want you to take me where you want, and keep me there for as long as you want.” Kelley said softly.

Hope sat there and bowed her head at the majesty of the power that Kelley had just bestowed upon her. She slowly leaned over and planted a sweet kiss on Kelley’s cheek, before she put her car in drive, and then softly looked over at the girl in her passenger seat.

“I’m going to take you to my place. But first, we gotta make a stop.”

 

  
~~

 

  
Hope watched with an amused grin as Kelley devoured the double meat, double cheese burger that she had bought for her. It must have been four bites in when Kelley had swallowed the last piece. Her cheeks were puffed on both sides when she finally looked up to her coach staring at her.

“Hungry?” Hope asked.

Kelley swallowed. “A little.”

“Well that’s why I bought three.” Hope chuckled as she pulled out another burger.

“I remember that first tournament that I brought you guys to in Atlanta. I had driven you guys to some random restaurant. I remembered you and Tobin ordering three times the amount that everyone else did .”

Kelley smiled to herself before she unwrapped the second one. “I'm a growing girl.”

“Your metabolism is insane. Just make sure you watch it when you get to my age.” Hope chuckled. “And you can have my fries, too. In addition to the large size I got you...”

Kelley squealed in delight. With her her mouth full of food, she kissed Hope on the cheek. “Thank you.” She managed to get out.

“No problem.” Hope said before she settled into her seat on her couch and turned on the TV. Kelley breathed in the scent of the woman on the large Washington shirt that she had given her to relax in, as she sat next to her on her couch, their arms touching.

It hadn’t been like this the last time Kelley had gotten lucky enough to get a silent and lustful invitation for her to sleep in these four walls that made her feel safe. Last time, they didn’t talk much, and it consisted of her calling out the woman’s name over and over again while she had her head back on one of the comfy pillows in the guest room, gasping for a release. Kelley managed to get her hand down her coach’s pants and stir her crazy before they let their eyelids droop from the exhaustion of pleasure.

But as she sat on the couch with her knees up to her chest, and her two hands clutching the burger that she was shoving down her mouth, she felt like maybe this was the most intimate she had ever been with Hope Solo. Both of their clothes were on their bodies , well Hope’s clothes, but Kelley felt more let in at the sight of Hope in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt, then when she was untying her track pants drawstrings in an abandoned girls locker room.

Kelley wasn’t even looking at the TV as they sat on the couch. By the time she had finished her burger, she had her left hand on Hope’s thigh, and her head on Hope’s shoulder. It felt like a real relationship when captain Sully had nuzzled up to the girl’s side.

“Oh look! He likes you!” Hope said, her voice filled with adoration. She put her arm around the girl and looked down at her. She could feel that Kelley’s eyes had been on her for awhile.

“What’s up?” Hope asked softly.

“What's your favorite color?” Kelley asked curiously.

So they went through all of the basic questions that you should know about someone. The ones that built a foundation. Hope smiled when Kelley told her all about the many sports she played as a kid before she had settled into soccer, and she tried to imagine little Kelley eating orange slices on a field with shin guards four times the size she wears now. Kelley laughed at the fact that any story/movie/ show that began with the word ‘Star’ would instantly hook Hope.

“So what, I tried to be a nerd to make up for the fact that I never finished high school.” Hope reasoned. “GED and online college stuff doesn't count.”

“You know, I’ve googled you.” Kelley said with a smirk.” Hope chuckled.

“Okay...And what? You found ugly pictures of me?”

“No!” Kelley said with a laugh. “But...that blonde hair really was...something.”

“Oh god!” Hope covered her face with her hand that wasn’t looped around the girl’s shoulder. It took several minutes of Kelley’s good natured teasing for the woman to realize that it was in the past, she couldn’t erase it. Especially since Nike pictures of her with that hair had been published.

“Okay, but back to what I was gonna say.“ Kelley said after a few laughs, “So, I know all about your playing history and all of that, but...can I ask you a personal question?”

“Sure, little one.”

Kelley looked down and then let her fingers skirt around the dangerous area between the waistband of her boxers and the woman’s hot skin. She didn’t look at the woman when she asked, “Why are you here in Nowhere, Georgia? I mean you lived in Barcelona and then Seattle. Why are you here?”

Hope looked on thoughtfully. She hadn’t talked about this in awhile. A really long while. Sure, it had been a hot topic when this young, yet highly established former pro soccer player had first landed in Peachtree, but the success of the club shortly after her arrival, and the one state championship under her belt had silenced any talk about why she was here. The talk now was about how to keep her here.

“Because there’s talent everywhere. Even in Peachtree.” Hope said simply.

“Stop bullshitting.” Kelley rolled her eyes when a smile had formed on the woman’s face. “Seriously. Tell me.”

Hope sighed. “You sure you want to know?” Kelley nodded.

So Hope settled in her bones and sat back into the couch. She ran her fingers over the many freckles on Kelley’s thigh as she told the girl about the story of this woman named Sasha and the circumstances that had brought her and this woman, her former fiancee, to Georgia. Hope brought Kelley in closer to her body and rested her head on top of the girl’s when she spoke about how this woman had followed her from Spain to America in an attempt at building a life together. It was Hope’s only real attempt at building a life with anyone in the 28 years she had been alive. Hope grabbed Kelley’s hand and put her lips on it when she told her about how she had decided to follow this woman to Peachtree for her new job and how she gave up her own, in return for the sacrifices that her fiancee had made in moving to a new country. She talked about the sacrifices that they both made.

“What happened to you two?” Kelley whispered when she stroked the line of the woman’s eyebrow.

“Life happened.” Hope said sadly and softly. “I gave up too much, and she gave up too much. And then we were both left with nothing but each other, the person that was responsible for all of the misery.”

“Fuck.” Kelley said after a few seconds of silence.

“Mistakes were made. By both of us.” Hope admitted.

“I see.” Kelley said as she took in the information.

“That’s life, little one. It’s rough.” Hope said softly.

“It doesn't have to be.” Kelley pushed.

“You’re right.” Hope offered. “You still have your whole life ahead of you.”

And with the topic of Kelley’s age, the girl swiftly straddled Hope’s lap to shut her up. They only had tonight, and she didn't want to waste it talking about age.

She wanted to frame the woman’s face with her hands and massage away the stress from the deep seated issues that the Hope must have had about love. Kelley pushed Hope’s head back into the cushions very gently and ran her tongue along Hope’s mouth when she was given entrance.

 _I would give my whole body if you wanted to just feel love_.

So far, that was the only way Kelley knew how to show it. She realized that Hope had just revealed a really huge piece of information about herself, she knew that Hope must have felt exposed, and she wanted to comfort the woman in a way that she could.

A big part of her though,wished that Hope would let her comfort her in another way. She wished a lot of things when it came to Hope Solo. Their lips crushed and crashed against one another, and amidst the rousing sensation of skin, Kelley worked harder and harder as she grew more frustrated with the realization that she was only give permission to assuage Hope’s uneasiness in one way.

But they both pulled away when they heard Hope’s phone obnoxiously buzz on the table.

Kelley watched the way the woman's  smile faltered a little when she had reached over and looked at the screen. The look Hope gave her was a strong one, one in which made Kelley's heart sink into her stomach.

_It's her._

“I'll be right back.” Hope muttered as she lightly stroked Kelley's chin and then untangled herself from the girl. She got up, and pulled the phone to her ear and went into the other room. Kelley sat there to stew.

 

 

~~

 

 

The girl petted Capt. Sully on his head as he jumped onto her lap, and half-heartedly tried not to decipher the highs and lows of Hope’s voice that had come through the walls in a muffled sound.

_What do they talk about?_

Kelley looked down at the adorable ball of fur still nestled into her side. She hated thinking about the woman that had been lucky and powerful enough to pull Hope away.

_Does Capt. Sully like her?_

Kelley went in a round of unanswered questions in her head and drowned herself in the pool of misery that was engorging every second that Hope was talking to her.

The five minutes had felt like forever and by the time Hope had reemerged from the other room, Kelley had her head leaned on the back of the couch, looking like a sullen puppy.

“What's wrong?” Hope whispered. She sat down next to the girl.

“Who was that?” Kelley asked with pursed lips and downcast eyes.

She only looked up when the couch creaked under the shifting weight of her coach when she had sat up with her elbows on her knees.

“That was...Olivia.” Hope said softly.

Kelley let the official answer sink in. She started shaking her head.

“Can you please explain to me, what this is?” Kelley’s exhausted and pained voice pierced through Hope.

“This is.... I don't know, Cap. ” Hope sullenly as she sat back in defeat, “this is all I can give you.”

There it was again. The push and pull of this relationship was starting to make Kelley sea sick.

Kelley’s shaking hands reached for the other side of her coach and laid her arm across her stomach.

“Why? You can only give me two nights out of the month a-and a kiss every so often??” The girl asked fiercely.

“Yes.”

“Why??” Kelley pushed. Her hand was still on Hope’s stomach.

“This is it, little one. Because no matter what you feel, this is going to mess you up.” Hope’s tone matched Kelley's.

“It won't, if you don't hurt me!” Kelley pleaded.

"You know I want what's best for you, right?” Hope asked quietly.

“That's you.” Kelley pushed.

Hope pulled her in a little closer. “I don't know about that kid.”

She didn’t know how to say it in a way that wasn’t beating a dead horse, but in her mind, and her grasp on common sense, she was the only half of whatever this was, that would be able to understand that Kelley wouldn’t get it now. No matter how hard she tried, only time could teach her that she wasn’t capable of deciding what was best for her.

_You haven’t experienced life yet. Not really._

And Hope knew all of this. She really did. She wasn’t stupid. And she knew deep down to the core, in the moment that she met Kelley, that she was going to give in. It was just a matter of time. And the moments she spent away from Kelley, or avoiding her, she thought about it constantly. Her mind was warped, and she became feeble and weak.

So she decided something during the days in which she actively avoided Kelley. She decided that she would become strong again in the way she would treat Kelley. Hope knew that she wasn’t going to always get it right, but maybe she would be able to do both.

Be sick and perverted, but also one of the best things for Kelley O’Hara.

“But I want to be.” Hope whispered. “I really do. I really want to be what's best for you. I hope that I am."

“So are you going to continue seeing her?” Kelley pushed. The woman felt Kelley grip her stomach just a little bit harder as she demanded for answers.

“I don't know.” Hope said quietly.

“Do you wanna still see me?” Kelley asked.

“Yes.” Hope said the strain on her conscience and the dilemma she faced was evident in the way her voice cracked.  

“Then you have to stop seeing her.” Kelley said strongly. Hope looked away.

“I can't.” Hope said.

She quickly grabbed a hold of Kelley's wrist when the girl had gotten up to leave.

“You know why. So please stop leaving my house like this. You always leave it, upset with me.”

The silence, the unfairness, and the power struggle that existed between the two felt heavy and tangible in the air.

“I hate it when you know exactly what to say to make me feel like _I'm the one_ doing something wrong.” Kelley said through clenched teeth.

“And I hate that you know exactly what you're doing when you're tempting me!” Hope threw back. But she kept a hold on the girl's wrist. “Okay Kelley? To you it may seem like-like I have all of this power or control or whatever over you, but you know deep down what you're doing when you touch me like that!”

Hope wiped her face out of frustration. “And fuck! That's not something I should ever say to a kid because i-it's my fault! I should know that it's my fault that this is happening! Okay? I should be the one with the power to put a stop to this! I'm the one with the capacity to say no to this! I know that!”

She looked at Kelley look at her with defeat. “But I just...I can't.” Hope’s body weakened. She groaned in frustration. “I'm not supposed to be touching you in the way that I want to. But I...fuck..I just have to.”

Hope Solo _truly_ felt like a pervert after saying that.

“Then why are you still with her? I told you I'm not going to tell anyone! Why do you need her to make yourself feel better??” Kelley yelled.

“Because she makes me feel all of the right things.” Hope said softly. “But you...you make me feel...”

 _You make me feel things I've never felt before_.

Hope looked at her softly.

“I don't want to fight with you. I just...want to enjoy you. I'm not trying to ruin this.” Hope whispered.

Kelley just stood ther motionlessly  

“Can you please talk to me?” The woman whispered as she stepped closer and bowed down to kiss Kelley on the shoulder.

Kelley averted her gaze from Hope and it landed on the TV that was still on. She laid her ear on the woman's chest and let the exhaustion from the game and the conversation settle in her body.

She really did just want to enjoy this rare night she had with her coach. They had spent a couple of hours talking to each other like their predicament didn't exist. It was all she wanted. To be let in, in a way that didn't just involve her body.

So she surrendered for tonight. The issue of the other woman would have to be addressed for another time.

“Do you think we can sleep? I'm exhausted.” Kelley whispered into the woman's chest.

“Of course. Cmon let's go.” Hope kissed her on top of the head, turned off the TV, and then opted to clean up their trash in the morning when she gently tugged Kelley by the hand to the guest room.

She felt a little tug when they had reached the door. She looked back to see Kelley walk in the direction of her own bedroom. Hope smiled when she saw Kelley stop at her door, waiting for her to follow.

 

 

~~

 

“Get off my back, Ash.” Alex growled.

“Hey. I'm serious. I'm trying to be here for you AND for Tobin and Kelley.” Ashlyn said with force.

“Really?” Alex yelled when she had thrown her bag into her car. “Then why does it feel like you're just here to attack and yell at me??”

“I'm not yelling, Al. You are.” Ash said calmly. “And I am trying to be here. I know that you've been isolating yourself from everyone. I know what's going on! But you have to be there for Tobs, too.”

Alex shook her head. She didn't need a lecture from her friend. She got enough from her parents. She thought that tonight's game and her coach's words would be enough to carry her through the night, but apparently the world was working against her.

“I don't want to hear this from you, Ash.” Alex sighed in defeat.

“But it has to be me, dude.” Ash shrugged. “Tobin needs you as a friend. And regardless of how you feel, you need to do just that! Be. Her. Friend. Realize the shit she's going through. Tobs and Leo happened man. It happened first. And it sucks for you, but cmon dude.”

Alex folded her arms. The keeper knew that it was a sign that she was still listening, though. She still hadn’t driven off.

“We’re all leaving next year. And Tobs means a lot more to you than you think. You may be mad at her, but you love her dude." Ash reasoned. "And plus! She doesn't even know what's going on in that secret mind of yours!”

“Good.” Alex muttered.

“No! Fuck Alex, it's not good. You're upset at her, and she has absolutely no idea! Why?? Because she's too busy struggling with this gay shit! Th-that's something you're not even around for!” Ash was raising her voice now. 

“Why should I be?! She chose to date-”

“Because you're her friend. And on top of dealing with school and soccer and all this shit that you're dealing with, she still has to deal with this pile of shit.” Ash said sadly.

The two stood there in silence, while they watched that last car leave the parking lot.

“Did you know that Kelley is seeing someone else? Someone that isn't Heather?” Ash asked quietly.

She saw the way Alex shot her head up to meet her gaze and searched for something, wildly.

“She is?”

Ash nodded. Then she took the steps and leaned on Alex's car, right next to her.

“How do you know?” Alex asked fiercely.

“She told me.” Ash said quietly.

“B-b-bu-but why wouldn't she...why hasn't she told me???” Alex asked a little desperately.

“Because.” Ash squeezed the girl's arms. “She doesn't know how to talk to you. They BOTH don't know how to reach out to you. And she's...she's going through some shit, too.”

“Ash.” Alex closed her eyes and scratched her scalp out of frustration, “what am I supposed to do?!?! Okay, I have so much shit on my plate! I have school, I'm close to failing Stats, Berkeley is looking at me and now I'm under pressure to perf-”

“Cal is looking at you for like...soccer?!?” Ash interrupted.

“Yes, but-”

“Al! That's amazing. Look.” Ashlyn grabbed the girl's arms and braced her. “Stop thinking about the pressures and all of that. Just enjoy that! Enjoy your friends, your life, your fucking accomplishments!”

Alex sighed. Her friend was right.

“Listen. I know it feels like I'm against you. And I'm sorry. Because I'm really not.” Ash said slowly. “I just wanted to give you a heads up that your friends need you!"

But you must be doing something fucking right if Cal is looking at you for soccer. So take a breather.”

Alex nodded. Ashlyn smiled. The keeper took a step back.

“Do you know who Little one is dating?” Alex asked after a moment.

“Nah.” Ashlyn said when she grabbed her backpack off of the asphalt. “Is the party still at your place?”

Alex nodded.

“You should ask her then. Maybe since she'll be turning 18, she'll feel less weird about it.”

“Why would her age matter?” Alex asked confused.

The keeper just shrugged before she made her way to her own truck just a few spots away.

She left Alex to stand there and decipher her cryptic words. She only left her spot when the parking lot lights shut off.

 

  
~~

 

  
“Your bed is so warm.” Kelley said as she nuzzled into Hope’s favorite pillow.

“Hey! Cap, that's my pillow.” Hope said with a pout as she lifted the covers to dive in with the girl. Kelley sadly gave it back to her.

“No. Hey. Come here.” Hope settled onto her pillow and then pulled Kelley closer to her body so that they were both resting on it, the girl's hair just below her nose, and Hope’s arm wrapped around her.

Their bodies rose and fell with their synchronized breathing and Hope felt like maybe this was supposed to happen to her. Out of all of the things that life had thrown at her, and their had been a lot, this was the best one. And just like everything else, the good things were always wrapped around in some shitty circumstances. Just like this.

Her muscles were loosening, her mouth was starting to slacken, but she made sure that the hold around Kelley was secure.

“Hope?”

The woman grunted in response. She only faintly registered Kelley's hand interlacing with hers.

“I lov-”

The woman squeezed her tight. The girl quickly shut up. Kelley relaxed and melted when she felt Hope nuzzle into her hair.

The woman softly pleaded, “Please don't. Not yet.”

“Why not?” Kelley asked.

“Not until your birthday. Please. For me.” Hope pleaded again. The silence was deafening.

But the woman relaxed when she felt Kelley grab the arm that was around her and kiss the top of her hand.

Kelley never felt more excited for her birthday to come.

 

  
~~

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Wretched


	9. It Just Didn't Feel Inappropriate. It Just Felt Right.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope didn’t like thinking about a full grown man being able to look at Kelley the way she was right now, in this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay....Late posting, with little to no revision. Bear with me, I'll edit later.

~~  
  


“Stop being dramatic, you guys wouldn’t be doing anything else, anyways.” Hope said with an eye roll. She peered through her sunglasses and crossed her arms while she thanked every deity that mankind had ever constructed, that she wasn't the one out there, running through those cones.

“Coach.” Ashlyn bended over from exhaustion. “Why...do we...have...Saturday..practices?” The keeper struggled to speak through her heavy pants.

“We have them every season when February hits. Why are you asking me this?” Hope asked in bewilderment. “Keep going.”

“Yes but why are we at the club fields, and not at school?” Alex asked after she had gone through the ladder sequence.

“Because your football coach just told me that the grass needs to grow, and that he doesn’t want your cleats tearing up the fields for one extra day.” Hope replied. Her exasperated tone was obvious and the mounting frustration with the man’s pettiness towards her was starting to burst out. She knew that she shouldn’t have commented on it in front of her kids, but it was too easy.

“Coach Jerramy?? Why? Football season doesn’t start until next year..” Tobin called out when she ran through the square drill with the ball.

“I don’t know kid. Politics.” Hope shrugged.

“So then, that means that we shouldn’t be having practice..” Crystal said with a hopeful grin that she knew would be pointless.

“It means that you earned yourself another run to the fence and back.” Hope said with a huge grin.

“Coach!” Crystal called out with widened, disbelieving eyes. “That fence is SO much farther away than the one at school!”

“Well today is conditioning day, so it fits perfectly into your schedule.” Hope reasoned.

“UGH!!!” Crystal yelled out in frustration, danced herself a little jive like she always did when she wanted to punch someone out, and then started running. The woman chuckled to herself at how Crystal always managed to deal with Hope. It was the opposite of Kelley, who was silently blazing through the circuit of cones and drills. She was red in the face, but she was honed in on the drills, and it seemed as if none of her teammates were around her, just her in her zone.

Hope tried to imagine what Kelley would do if she would make her do extra conditioning, just to see her reaction. Their relationship on the field hadn’t changed much. The woman surmised that she was pretty sure that Kelley would throw a fit, or complain really loudly and assert her captaincy status as a reason for not doing it. It was a characteristic of Kelley that Hope hated as a coach, but could imagine she would love as a fan if the girl went professional. When Kelley was older.

“Hey O’Hara.” Hope called out. Kelley looked up. “Why don’t you join Ms. Dunn over there since you owe her?”

The soccer coach watched as Kelley looked on with an open mouth and squinted eyes when she tried to spot the small figure of Crystal, who must have been at least 300 yards away. Kelley looked back at her coach. The girl sighed. Then, she started running.

“What?!?” Ashlyn called out. She looked on in surprise and Alex looked at her coach with disbelief.

“Did Kelley just obey instructions?!” Alex asked. Everyone chuckled in bewilderment, but no one was more surprised than Hope. The woman tried to gauge what had just happened. She pretended to watch the rest of the team finish up all that each of them were assigned to do, while she really just watched Kelley tear down the whole field complex. When Crystal had come back, she decided to let everyone get a water break, so that everyone would have been occupied while she called Kelley over to her when the girl had sprinted the last 25 yards back. Hope made sure that she was a good distance away from the girls when Kelley had reached her and then bent down in exhaustion.

“Hey, put your hands over your head. You know by now what to do when you’re out of breath.” Hope said softly as she grabbed the girl’s arms and held them up for her before her muscles started working again. Pretty soon, Kelley managed to catch her breath, and the woman put her sunglasses on her head so that the girl could see the concern in her eyes.

“Hey. Are you okay?” Hope whispered.

Kelley nodded.

“Are you sure? Because it’s unlike you to actually listen to me the first time.” Hope smirked.

“I’m okay.” Kelley said with a slight nod. “Can I get water?” The girl asked as she pointed at the circle of her teammates gathered around, chatting.

“Um..okay.” Hope nodded in return, but she stood in her spot with a furrowed brow, wondering what she did wrong. Because Hope had disappointed enough girls in her lifetime to know when she fucked up somehow. She only turned around and followed the girl when she had realized that she had a job to do.

“Alright girls, so-”

“Coach, can we not?” Alex asked with an exhausted grimace. Hope opened her mouth to retort, but she looked around at all of the girls and their red faces and their sunburned skin, and the almost empty water bottles that were laying in the cart.

“Alright, Al. So then what would you like us to do?” Hope asked as she sat down with them.

“I don’t know. Sleep.” Alex suggested as she laid down onto the grass. Her teammates yelled in agreeance.

“Coach, while we are chilling, why don’t you tell us about your days in Barca?!” Tobin asked excitedly, while she sat still and had her chin in the palms of her hands, like a little kid.

“Yes! What was it like to be paid and live in freaking England??” Mal asked. The seniors looked at her for a second before they all looked at each other. They all face-palmed.

“Oh little Mal.” Alex said as she put her hand on top of the girl’s head to pet her. “It’s good that you’re really good at soccer babe. No, Barcelona is in Spain.”

The young freshman looked like she wanted to crawl underneath a rock. And never come out.

“Oh don’t worry it about Pugh.” Hope offered. “When I went there, I actually had no idea what the names of any cities were, or where I was, to be honest.”

“What do you mean, coach?” Tobin asked curiously.

Hope looked around and could see that all of the girls were focusing in on her.

“Well. I was actually like eight years old when I got put on a flight over there for the first time.” Hope said.

“Holy shhh....really?” Ash asked.

“Yep.” Hope said simply. “At like 14 or 15 maybe, I got signed onto Barcelona’s full professional team. I didn’t know anything or anyone.”

“But like....how? Why? You were like..so young.” Christen said, her face expressing the disbelief.

Hope looked at her watch. She had an hour left, and she deliberated on whether she would stop this conversation and make them finish, or give them the hard earned break and learn a lesson or two from her past.

She figured that the latter was also a part of being a good coach.

“Well guys. Are you sure you want to hear your old grandma coach talk about her life?” She asked as she settled her upper body weight onto the palms of her hands as she sat on the fields next to them. Her eyes found Kelley’s for a second, who was sitting farther away from her than most of the girls.

“Yes!” multiple players called out. Hope nodded.

“How the freak did you get discovered? And did you even go to school?” Julie asked.

“So I didn’t really grow up in a normal household.” Hope explained. “My parents were never really there, and not gonna lie, I didn’t have good grades. I never showed up to school when I was a kid, because no one ever told me that I had to go, quite honestly.” Hope smirked.

“But don’t tell your parents that I’m saying you can’t go to school.” Hope warned. “You guys have people who care about you. Stay in school. Your parents are not my parents. They didn’t kick you out when they forgot about you.” The woman looked at Kelley, who looked away when their eyes met. Hope didn’t anticipate hitting a nerve with that statement, and the realization sunk in. She continued.

“Anyways, I spent my days playing with the ball in the streets and being goalie for my brother and his friends. And I don’t know, there was a family friend who lived in England at the time who had seen me play in the streets when he had come over to visit my dad. He must have saw something, because he had a son who was in Arsenal’s youth academy, and he himself was a coach.” Hope said.

“Anyways, he could see how I needed help with my home life and all of that, and he tried to get me to be put into one of the academies, but Premier League, they just didn’t want to take a girl.” Hope said with an eye roll.

“But, he had connections with La Liga, and they were just investing more at the time in women’s and girls sports, so they were a little more accepting. I trained with boys most of my kid life, and then somehow managed to be good enough to get on the team when I was like... Mal’s age.” Hope shrugged.

She looked up to see everyone looking at her with wide-opened mouths. Everyone except Tobin, who had made Hope tell her the story over and over again.

“Coach...are you serious?!?!” Alex asked. “Like, you’re legit? Like you’re not messing with us?!?”

The woman chuckled. “I’m serious, Al.”

“But, like, so you stopped going to school once you moved? How did you live over there? What did you do? Who took care of you? That’s really irresponsible!! You could have been abducted! I’ve seen Taken.” Christen said with a serious tone.

“Yeah, so I mean those academies take care of everything. Food, basic schooling, housing. Everything. When it’s no longer academy, and it’s competition, you kinda have to decide whether you want to go to school or not, but I mean...at that point. Why would I go to school?” Hope asked seriously. “I was never good at it, and I never had the tools that you guys have to succeed in that area.”

“So like, when people say that school’s important, that’s all bullsh-sorry coach- but seriously. Like If you didn’t go, i mean, look how good your life went.” Ash said.

Hope laughed. Hard.

“Oh, kid. You make me crack up.” Hope said when her laughter died down. “You have no idea how wrong you are.”

“What do you mean? Your life isn’t good?” Tobin asked with a furrowed brow.

“No! That’s not what I meant!” Hope said as she put her hands up. “I love where I am now. And the fact that I have a job coaching.” _I mean...I guess it’s alright._ She looked at their curious faces at her and the way that she was able to captivate them, mold them. At the sight of it all, in this moment, it may have just been more satisfying than taking the field herself. She smiled when she realized this thought.

“I love having you guys as my team. Don’t ever think otherwise.” She said softly.

“Then what did you mean?” Alex asked with her head titled.

“I guess I just meant...life hasn’t been easy. It never is.” Hope said simply. “You know I didn't have a real support system growing up. It was nonexistent and sometimes you know, a kid needs love every once in awhile.”

Hope smiled sadly. “And not having the equivalent of a high school diploma in the states, that hindered me a lot. It’s why I didn’t last long at coaching university.”

“How?” Kelley’s voice came out from the back. Hope looked at her.

“To be honest,” Hope sighed. “At the time, I couldn’t coach girls that I was resentful towards.”

Everyone looked at her, waiting for her to continue.

“But now, as I got older, I realized that those girls back in the day at university, were you guys. But in the future.” The player’s eyes softened and they all looked in awe.

“You guys are going to be those girls. Smart, educated, insanely good soccer players, who have their whole life ahead of them.” Hope said softly. “And now, unlike back then, I think that's-I'm gonna cuss- I think that's fucking amazing.”

“So do you think that you’d ever go back to coaching college?” Crystal asked.

“Maybe.” Hope said. “But nothing makes me happier right now than this.”

 

~~

 

Hope took refuge in her director’s office at the fields from the blazing sun after the practice had ended. It suited her fine because pretty soon the maintenance crew was going to roll in for their weekly schedule to get stuff done around here.She let her head fall on the edge of the back of her seat and watched the fan spin in circles while she thought about Kelley’s odd behavior.

Her thoughts went interrupted when she heard her door open.

“What’s up, guys?” Hope asked when a bunch of the seniors came in.

“Coach, now you got us thinking about college.” Alex groaned as she led the the group into the office.

Hope chuckled. She put her feet on the desk as they all stood around.

“Well it's coming soon.” Hope said with a shrug.

“Yes but we were wondering if you could help.” Christen said hopefully.

“Uh oh. You guys want answers to the SAT. You know that that's cheat-”

“Coach. Look who you're talking to.” Alex deadpanned.

_True._

“But,” Ashlyn chimed in, “we haven't gotten out service hours done for all of our honor society stuff so...can you help us out?”

“How?” The coach asked with narrowed eyes.

“I don't know...maybe signing off on our hours...?” Tobin asked with a wide grin.

“Ha!” Hope put her feet on the ground and looked at them incredulously. “ I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear my girls say that. And two, shit didn't come easy for me, I ain't handing out shit to more privileged white girls.”

“Hey!” Crystal called out.

“Sorry. Crys. But you get the point.” Hope said sternly. “Why don't you earn it like real people and go and work out on the fields?”

“Wait...can we paint up the lines and stuff on the field?” Tobin asked excitedly.

“Hold onto your pants, Tobs. You guys can go and hang out and when the maintenance crew comes they can come and teach you how to do. But go pick up trash or something.” Hope waved them off.

“How many hours are we going to get??” Ash asked.

“I'll give you guys 5 if you get out of my office and leave me in peace. Deal?” Hope asked with a smirk. The girls all excitedly strolled out and roamed around on the fields while they waited for the men to come. All of them, except Kelley.

“I can imagine you don't need them since you probably already did them, or charmed your way into making some adult lie for you and sign off on them.” Hope said without looking up from her computer. She noticed the way Kelley lingered.

“Something like that.” Kelley said. The woman looked up when she noticed the depressed tone.

“What's wrong, little one?” Hope asked softly. Her eyes followed the girl as she sauntered over to the door and then paused when her hand rested on it.

The coach could see the way her back tensed, and then sunk. It was silent except for the laughs of her teammates off in the distance as they screamed off in delights, probably from having a whole soccer complex to themselves. The walls of the office structure in the middle of it all, were thin enough for Hope to hear everything outside. But she paid no attention, because the unusually sullen girl in front of her was starting to make her worried. Kelley was never silent.

“Cap. Come here.” Hope said quietly.

She heard the loud click of the lock set in its place. She watched Kelley walk over to her and then stop when she had reached the side of her desk. Instead of closing the distance between them, she sat on the desk, on the edge and grabbed the little plush soccer ball on her coach's desk and started fidgeting with it.

Hope noticed the way Kelley was putting her at arm's length. So she scooted her chair so that she was sitting in front of the girl, and grabbed the back of Kelley's calves which were dangling off the edge.

“Hey.” Hope said to get her attention. “What's wrong?” She squeezed the girl's tiny legs.

Still no response. Hope grabbed the toy from her hands gently. Kelley quickly grabbed Hopes sunglasses from the top of her head in response.

She was hiding something she didn't want the woman to see, Hope figured. She just couldn't decipher what it was.

“Did I do something?” Hope asked. _Of course you did. The question should be, which thing did I do that fucked you up?_

She tried to peer through the darkened lenses to decipher the emotion behind them. No success.

Kelley sighed. She craned her neck and looked around for something to hold onto that wasn't Hope Solo.

The woman could see the hesitancy in Kelley's body. So she decided that she had to give a little. She rested her head down onto Kelley's thighs.

“Are you still with her because-” Kelley sighed.  Hope shot her head up. “Because I haven't...you know, I haven't..”

Hope furrowed her brow when she watched Kelley wring her hands.

“Is it because I haven't...” Kelley made sure the sunglasses were snug around her face when she pointed down at Hope.

The woman looked down in confusion.

“What?” Hope asked.

“Because I haven't, ya know.” She pointed again.

Hope realized that Kelley was pointing down at her crotch. When her mind had caught up, her whole body shot up.

“Kell. NO.” She pushed the sunglasses on the girl's face up onto her head.

“Because I can.” Kelley quickly added as she pulled Hope closer by the waistband. “I know that I haven't yet- I just haven't been- I don't know how but I can-”

“Kelley O’Hara. Stop.” Hope unhooked Kelley's hands in her waistband before she grabbed Kelley's face into her own hands.

“I'm not asking you to do anything you're not ready for.” Her eyes searched that of the young girl. “Am I making you feel that way?”

“I just...if I go down on you- I mean don't you want me to??”

“Little one. I will never ask you to do something that you don't want..why are you- what's making you feel this way?” Hope said with frightened eyes. “I'm sorry if I have in any way made you do something you don't want.”

“You haven't! That's the problem!” Kelley said, her tone riddled with frustration.

“Have you not asked me to because you're getting it from somewhere else?” Kelley asked, her head down.

“No! Kell. No!” Hope peppered sweet kisses onto the girl's mouth and hoped that she would feel the reassurance boiling in her body. She hoped her lips would do the talking for her.

“Then what is it? Is it me?” Kelley searched her eyes when she pulled away from the woman and those delicious lips.

“Kell-”

“I don't want you to ever feel unloved like when you were a kid.” Kelley whispered.

“If you need me to do something to make you feel loved, I'll do it.” Kelley pleaded.

The woman put her head down. It was quite possibly the sweetest thing anyone in her life had ever said to her.

She cursed the sky for the unfairness of it all and she took both of Kelley's hands and put them to her lips and closed her eyes. She breathed it all in.

Kelley's touch, her stare, and the irresistible way she smelled. In his moment, it just _didn't feel inappropriate._ It just felt right.

Hope opened her eyes so that she could see this glorious nymph, the one that had managed to break through.

In this moment, in this office, in this city, Peachtree city, Hope fell in love.

“What do I have to do to make you mine?” Kelley softly pleaded. She watched Hope with saddened eyes.

“Because I would do it, over and over, and over, again.” Kelley said while she breathlessly clutched her chest.

“Little on-”

They both jumped at the sound of a loud banging on the office door. Hope pulled Kelley off of her desk by the hips and her hands trailed on the hem of her shorts before she made her way to the door.

“Bruv, these rascals out here are telling me th-”

Paul looked at his friend, and then choked on his words when he saw Kelley walking towards them.

“Hey Paul.” Kelley waved.

“Kell.” He said before he scratched at the back of his head.

“So I guess I'll talk to you about it later, coach?” Kelley asked over shoulder on her way to her friends.

“Uh, yah.” Hope called out. She delayed looking Paul in the eyes.

“What if it wasn't me Bruv?”

Hope glared at him.

“I'm looking out for you. Not telling you what to do.”

Hope slowly nodded solemnly.

She walked back into her office before she said, “I don't know what you're talking about.”

 

~~

 

“Can you just explain to me then??” Leo was halfway to the point of yelling.

“Dude. Chill. I just need space.” Tobin said. She had distanced herself and was sick and tired of his badgering.

“Tobs. I've given it to you. You haven't talked to me in a week!” Leo called out. “Por favor, just tell me what I did!”

“You didn't do anything!” Tobin yelled back.

“Then what the fuck?!”

Christen pulled Tobin back and away from the boy who had thrown his hands into the pocket of his hoodie and had stormed away, down to the other side of the field where Paul was talking to most of the girls.

The midfielder turned away from her friend and wiped the moisture of her eyes. Christen could see the frustration and the quest for answers in her eyes, but she just braced both of her arms and and gave her a reassuring smile.

“Stop being so perfect, Chris.” Tobin grumbled. That earned her a hug.

“What do you mean?” Christen asked over Tobin's head.

“You know exactly how to comfort someone. You're just overall amazing. I'm not too sure why you're here. “ Tobin sighed. “I deserve him yelling at me.”

Christen put Tobin at arms length.

“Don't ever say that.” She said with a stern look. “I'm serious Heath. That's not something I ever want to hear like any woman say!”

Tobin looked ashamed.

“I just don't know why I can't give him a simple..like..why can't I have the desire to be a decent human being and realize that he's hurting? Like why can't I be the first to call him, or show him affection for fuck...i don't know, something!” Tobin gasped. “I hate this!”

“Babe. Maybe it's just that he's not the one you like.” Christen said soothingly.

“No! He should be everything I like! He is everything I like!” Tobin threw her hands up. “On paper, he would check all of the little boxes.”

“Except one.” Christen said knowingly.

They both looked each other for awhile and Christen’s stare was loaded with something to say, and Tobin was bracing for her to say something that would uproot something she had been trying to bury. Something she had not put a name to, yet.

“W-what, what is that?” Tobin asked. She never thought about if Christen knew her struggles, or what was going on in her head, but the way the girl said it seemed to have changed the air around them. It was frightening, but at the same time, exciting.

Tobin Heath was a ball of mess.

“Which box wouldn't he check, Chris?” Tobin asked again, fishing for the answer.

“The box in which you actually like him.” Christen said softly. The forward gave her a small smile. Tobin relaxed.

“I think you should break up with him.” Christen said fiercely.

For Tobin, hearing it out loud was daunting. She started to wreck her brain for all the reasons not to. He was a decent guy, a really good one actually. She didn't think that she would ever be able to replace him in terms of compatibility in times when she did talk to him. He was a good looking boy. He was amazing at soccer.

_Maybe I can make it work._

“Tobs. I think you need to break up with him for his sake. And for yours. It's not fair for him to pine after someone that _thinks_ that they can convince themselves to like him.” Christen said softly.

The midfielder sighed.

“And I think you need to do it for Alex, too.”

 

~~

 

“Is that Coach's sunglasses?” Leo asked as they all started shoveling dirt into the back of a trailer.

“Yep!” Kelley said with a grin.

“Lucky....” Alex said, wishing she had a hat on because the afternoon sun was blazing down on them. “She must be happy with you since you didn't give her shit for making you run.”

“Yeah, that must be why.” Ashlyn said as she leans on her shovel and looked up at the sky.

Kelley registered the unnaturally even tone in the girl's voice and just stared at her for a long time. Ash went back to shoveling dirt.

They all silently worked for a few minutes until Leo threw his shovel down.

“What's got your panties in a bunch, Messi?” Alex called out.

He glared at her. She glared back.

“Let's talk, my man.” Kelley said as she walked over to him and put her arm around him. She led him away from the rest of them.

“I know what you're doing!” Crystal called out. “You're leaving all of this shit for us to do!”

Kelley just waved her off.

She listened to him yell out his frustrations with his current girlfriend who was on the other side of the field, still talking with Christen. He explained to her how much his heart ached at the sight of her beauty and how he was still holding onto the beginning. She was nice, she was shy, but somehow it seemed like she liked him. She would hold his hand or give him a kiss every once in awhile.

“But now Catira, she avoids me. She fucking..she tells me she needs space, I gave it to her! I didn't text her,call, nothing! She would see me in the hall, and go the other way. I didn't follow her! I knew she wanted time to think!

I've been respectful of her wishes. I swear. I mean, I think I texted her after she had asked for a week, but then she extended it! I don't know what to do.” He lowered his head in defeat.

Kelley watched him with widened eyes. She put her hand on his shoulder.

“Bro. You want my advice?” She said as she met his eyes.

He nodded.

“I think I'm a credible source of advice since Tobs is my friend.” Kelley said with a shrug.

“So listen to me when I say that she doesn't want to be with you, dude.”

That killed him.

“She has never said anything like that she doesn't like you. But I know Tobs. She obsesses over things she loves. And if she's not giving you her all, she doesn't like you, man.” She said sadly.

He kicked at the ground, he ripped some hair out of his scalp, but after it all, he crumpled into Kelley's arms. First love really sucked for both boys and girls. It was something that almost every human being on this planet had the misfortune to experience.

She held onto him tight and smoothed over his hair. She held him together when he sobbed and his body shook. Kelley could see Hope looking at the both of them from a far off distance in the doorway to her office, and Kelley just hoped that the woman could see how well she could care for someone.

“Leo. Listen dude. There are other girls out there. Trust me.” She reassured.

“I know for a fact that there is a girl out there who likes you.”

“Who?” He said as he wiped his eyes in shame.

“Oh. I don't know of anyone specific. But I do know that there is someone. So bro, don't sweat it.” Kelley said.

She looked over at the group girls shoveling dirt and saw that Christen and Tobin had joined them.

“I'm sure there is someone.” Kelley muttered.

 

~~

 

 _I don't want you to ever feel unloved like when you were a kid_.

She repeated those words over and over again. She looked up onto the road as she drove and let the muscle memory take her there. She listened to the engine roar, but mostly to the chatter in her mind, telling her not to do this.

She was going to do it anyway.

She parked a few houses down from the Morgan's house and rejoiced at the sight of Alex’s car in the driveway. and then pulled out her phone.

Her thumb hovered over the keyboard for a good five minutes. She promised herself that she wouldn't be an idiot like all the other rest that got caught and communicate with a student through social media, but now she was starting to get the temptation. She sent a text.

 **XXX-737-9283** : Can I see you? 6:45pm

 **XXX-342-5903** : when? 6:45pm

 **XXX-737-9283:** come out here. 6:47pm

Seeing Kelley sneak out to come into her car felt a little juvenile, but it was probably fitting for the situation. Hope waited for the cabin light in her car to shut off from Kelley closing the door before she grabbed Kelley's face and brought her in for a kiss that never really ended that night.

The woman had pulled Kelley on top of her and pulled the seat back so that the girl's back was laying on the horn of the car. Kelley had her eyes closed as the passionately kissed and she let her lips do the talking as she felt Hope take control over her body.

Hope let her lips drag over Kelley's neck. She thought about the consequences of leaving a hickey for a split second, but Kelley was whimpering and moaning and her hair smelled too good for any rational thoughts to settle in deep in the woman's mind.

Kelley liked the fervent way Hope was grabbing at everything. Her hair, her face, her breasts. She felt the way the woman really wanted her. She took a gull when she felt the cool air on her torso and could feel the fabric of her shirt riding up higher and higher up her body. For a good moment she became self conscious of the fact that anyone on the street could see what they were doing, but the confident way Hope was tugging at it made Kelley trust her.

The girl watched Hope’s face when she had lifted the shirt over her head and realized that Kelley had beaten her to it, having come outside with no bra. The girl was little but more prepared to dealing with the older woman's analytical stare than last time Hope had seen all of her,but her youth still made her squirm a little. She shivered from Hope’s fingers are on her chest as her fingers studied her upper torso.

“You're so...” Hope shook her head. “I think I...”

Kelley crossed her arms over her chest. Because maybe the woman was going to point out one of her flaws.

But she was proven wrong. She felt like she may have just cried when Hope peppered a trail of kisses along her biceps, leaving the girl weakened. Kelley surrendered when she felt Hope gently let her arms apart and then ran her mouth all along her breasts.

On the way to Hope's house, the older woman's extra strong grip around her hand didn't go unnoticed. Kelley picked up on the way the woman leaned her way and held onto her tight in those tight turns in the road.

Kelley noticed the gentle way Hope whispered into her ear, “No. not until you're ready,” when Kelley had gotten on her knees and unzipped her pants.

“Can I at least touch you?” Kelley had asked, because she would always want Hope in some way.

“I'm yours, Cap.”

 

~~

 

“Well the space needle is pretty cool.” Olivia said as she read the label of the bottle of protein powder Hope had put into their cart.

“Eh, it's alright.” Hope distractedly replied while she went down the aisle to look for food to stock up on.

“Well,” Olivia put the bottle back on the shelf, much to Hope’s dismay, “if you seriously want to consider it, I would support you. For sure.”

“Really?” Hope planted a kiss on the woman’s head. She had never met someone so nonchalant about a move.

“Yeah...” Olivia said with a smile. “Gotta do what's best for you.”

They both carted through the aisles, completely ignoring the list that was stuffed into Hope’s jacket pocket. Hope would get something unhealthy, while Olivia would take it out of the cart while she wasn't looking. The older woman would pretended not to notice, but secretly enjoy it. She needed someone to keep her on track somehow.

“So you lived there before?” Olivia asked as she leaned on the cart and pushed it all forward.

Hope shrugged.

“Yeah. For a time. But babe,” the older woman took her in a hug from behind, “I'm not going to take it. So stop nervously asking me all these questions.”

They both smirked at each other. They continued walking until Hope looked ahead of herself and saw a familiar looking head of short platinum blond hair, a long dark brown mane, and a ball of frizzy black curls.

It took her a second to register who she was looking at.

“Well, well, well. What are you troublemakers doing?” Hope called out.

Ashlyn, Alex, and Christen turned and smiled when they realized who the source of the voice was. They all greeted her excitedly.

“You know, it feels weird seeing you in real life, coach?” Alex said with a smirk.

“Yeah and in regular clothes? I think I've only seen you in jeans like a handful of times. It's a little weird.” Christen said.

“You know, school is real life, too Al.” Hope smirked. “And you're welcome for letting you see me in jeans. What are you guys up to?”

Alex bursted with excitement as she divulged their plans to throw a birthday party for Kelley tomorrow at her house. The whole senior class had rsvp'd. Hope could see that Ash’s hands were full of paper cups, Christen did have a long list in her hand.

Hope grabbed it from the girl while Alex talked about what she was going to get her best friend as a gift.  

“So am I supposed to pretend that i didn't see ‘alcohol’ here at the bottom?” Hope asked with raised eyebrows. They all froze. After one question, the three girls mood had changed.

“W-we-well. We aren't going to get that. Obviously.” Ash emphasized that last word. “We can't get that. Duh, coach.”

Hope just shook her head.

“Yeah. Because teenagers are never able to get alcohol because they're not allowed.” She turned to Olivia who just smiled. The older woman handed back the list with a sheepish grin.  

“Who is getting it for you?” Hope asked.

A chorus of ‘No one!” and “‘we would never’ broke out.

The soccer coach repeated the question. But before they could speak, she got her answer.

‘Hey, fuckfaces, I'm going to meet you guys in the car in like 30, oka-”

Heather Mitts stopped at the sight of Hope and Olivia standing right in front of the girls.

Hope’s blood boiled. She felt Olivia’s hand loop around her arm. It seemed to be a warning for Hope to calm down.

She put on a fake smile when the college girl smirked at the sight of her, and then laid it on really thick when she threw a compliment Olivia’s way.

“Oh coach. This is your girlfriend?” Ash asked slowly as her eyes darted back and forth between them.

“Hi! I'm Olivia.” The woman stepped forward and introduced herself, gave all of the girls hugs, except for the keeper who had the excuse of an armful of cups in her hand. Hope noticed the way the girls looked at her in awe, and felt a pang in her chest at the thought of how she could never do this with the girl she had to stow away.

“Where is Cap?” Hope asked.

“She is somewhere around here.” Christen said slowly as she craned her neck.

_Fuck._

“Alright. Be. Careful. Do. You. Hear. Me?” Hope asked sternly to the rest of the girls when Mitts had walked away.

They all nodded.

“DO NOT drive home drunk.” She pointed at Ash and Christen. “If you need a ride, then you call me. No questions asked. Tobin has my number. Do you understand me?”

They all nodded.

“I'm serious.”

The girls looked on with widened eyes.

“Okay.” Hope leaned back on her cart. “I never saw you. Carry on.”

The girls smiled and waved as the couple walked off.

 

~~

  


The poor pinata donkey in Kelley's hand had no chance. At the sight of the woman who had just unspooled her so fast last night, doing domestic things with her beautiful girlfriend, Kelley had almost lost it right there in the store. Her and Tobin were in charge of looking for the helpless paper mache animal that now didn't have a head.

“Whoa what happened to the burro?” Tobin asked sadly when she had found Kelley in the next aisle, miserably clutching it to her side while she rested her head on the shelf.

“I killed it. My bad.” Kelley said.

“I'll get another one. Don't worry. Just stuff that dead one somewhere.”

So Kelley ditched it, but she went to the other side of the store so she wouldn't be able to run into Olivia and all of her beauty. A mixture of anger and misery seethed throughout her skin and she wished she could just fucking be someone else.

It carried with her all throughout the day. Even when her friends were excitedly setting up for the party tomorrow, even when Alex's whole house was empty because her parents were out of town for her sister’s competition and the girl's had a sleepover, and most definitely when she had gotten a rare text from Hope, asking her what she wanted for her birthday.

But she kept it cool. No one had a clue. Well, Kelley figured that Ash knew how she was really feeling. There was an oddly protective manner to which the keeper had her arm around her when the girl's talked about meeting Olivia when they were all in their PJ’s and Texas Chainsaw Massacre was playing.

“Told you she was banging that chick.” Christen said with a smirk.

“Yeah dude. She was a real hottie. Right Ash?” Alex asked.

“Uh.... she was okay.” Ash said as she strengthened her grip home around Kelley.

It went on for an hour as they all debated the intricacies of their coach's sex life, but all Kelley could think about, was the fact that Ashlyn Harris knew exactly who Kelley had been sleeping with. That goalkeeper knew that there was a reason that Mitts hadn't been invited to this sleepover.

She stared at the uncomfortable way Ash shifted in her seat during the Hope talk, and Kelley realized that even though they didn't talk about it, they didn't mention names, she realized that she had a friend in all of this.

Then Kelley looked across the room at Alex and occupied her mind with ways to tell her best friend. Because after all, it was better than thinking about what Hope Solo was doing with another woman at that moment.

 

~~

 

It was weird the Kelley hadn't responded, but Hope decided to put it in the back of her mind.

“Hey. Why do you look like you're about to poop your pants?” Syd asked as she reached her hand in the bag of chips that Hope was cradling with one hand. “And I find not insane that someone who looks like you is still able to eat all of this shit.”

“It's because all I have at my house is healthy shit.” Hope said glumly.

“Ah. The boo thang. You guys seriously living together, now?” Syd asked with a cocked eyebrow.

“Nah.” Hope responded. She decided to put her phone back into her pocket and body look at it until the end of the day.

“Really? Because she's buying your food, she’s dropping your car off today after she brought you here after she spent the night...”

“Okay I get the point.” Hope said miserably.

“Is this...dare I say it...getting serious?”

“No! I mean I called her my girlfriend but..” Hope paused. The grip on her Doritos tightened. The realization had set.

“Yeah bro.” Syd said with a laugh. “You've been wifed up!”

The soccer coach could only look on with an open mouth, before Syd snapped her back to attention at the arrival of Carli.

“I fucking hate children!” Carli yelled.

“What's wrong Carl? Did someone take your lunch money away?” Syd asked.

“Oh my fucking God! I'm gonna strangle his boy! I swear these motherfuckers are testing me!” Carli yelled out.

“Car, calm down.” Hope said as she offered her a chip.

“Don't tell me to calm down, Solo!” Carli whacked the bag out of her hand.

“Well that was unnecessary.” Hope mumbled as she sadly went to retrieve the bag.

“That kid who beat up Leo was cussing out a storm in my class! Trying my mother fucking patience.” Carli growled.

“Whoa what? That kid isn't expelled???” Hope yelled.

“No! Apparently it's some first string kid on the football team, and Jerramy probably petitioned to get him to stay!”

Everyone seethed.

“No. That's bullshit!” Hope yelled.

The two teachers and the one trainer  stalked throughout the campus, looking for the office of the source of their anger. Carli muttered angry words under her breath.

“So what did you do to the kid?” Hope asked as they marched.

“I fucking sent him to the office. But I'm pretty sure that not going to do shit since he can get away with anything!”

The three looked around to make sure that no students were around for the profanity and they were all in the clear. They stopped when they reached his classroom.

“Wait! What are you going to say?” Syd hushed.

“I'm going to ask him why that Donald kid is still going to school here. Duh. I mean you were in Sunil’s office, what did Jerramy say?” Carli asked intensely.

“I-I-I left. I left early because of practice.” Hope explained.

“Fuck dude! He probably vouched for the kid. I'm gonna give him a piece of my fuck-”

Carli stopped when she put her hand on the knob and looked at the little door window so that she could peer into the man’s classroom.

Hope and syd looked at each other before the piled close together to look at what had stopped Carli mid-rant.

“What the-” syd whispered.

“Why is she there?” Carli asked.

“Does she have her hands in his pocket? That's like really close to his junk?” Syd asked with a disgusted face.

“I'm stopping this.” Carli said furiously before she whipped the door open. Syd joined her as they entered the room.

But Hope stayed in her spot. She leaned on the doorway and watched the way Kelley had been gripping coach Stevens big bicep with one hand, and had a finger in his khaki pant pockets with her other hand.

It enervated her. The nerves in her fingertips burned, while so did the skin on her cheeks.

She watched from the doorway and her hand tightened around the edge of the door. She felt like slamming it when she saw Kelley's face when Carli had interrupted whatever was going on.

It felt like the first time she had seen Kelley as a sexual being. She felt herself get possessive. It started from her core and flowed into her extremities when she saw Jerramy’s widened eyes at the realization of someone seeing what may or may not have been an inappropriate moment. But Hope didn't care. She wasn't listening to Carli and Syd. She just looked at the girl that Carli had shuffled out of the room.

Seeing Kelley’s widened, searching eyes as they met her own, stung.

“Kell. Go to class.” Syd gently ordered.

“Hope make sure she gets to class.” Carli called out.

 

~~

 

Kelley could hear the squeaky footsteps as she jogged to follow the pace of Hope as she rocketed down the hallways.

“Stop.” Kelley said when they had turned for a few hallways.

“Please slow down.” Kelley pleaded. But she wasn't listening.

“Hopey. Please.” Kelley begged.

When they had reached HAO’s classroom, Hope turned to look at the girl and make sure that she would go inside.

“I'm not going in, unless you talk to me.” Kelley pouted.

“Just go, Kelley.” Hope muttered.

“Why are you upset?” Kelley asked with a face fallen so low.

“Just go.” Hope urged.

“I didn't do anything.” Kelley whispered.

The older woman looked at her. And not just at her, but in her. And Kelley had lost all confidence that she had mustered when she had gone into her teacher’s conference classroom, ready to turn him into a tool to finally getting what she wanted. Hope Solo’s dejected and disappointed stare was starting to make her reconsider her whole life, and all of the choices she ever made.

“You know exactly what you're doing, kid.” Hope said, the despair was tangible, and Kelley felt like she had made the biggest mistake.

“But whatever.” Hope shrugged. “You’re just a kid and he shouldn't be letting you get close to him like that.”

The older woman internally laughed at the irony of her words.

“I'm not just a kid.” Kelley said fiercely.

“Im eighteen now.”

Hope just looked her up and down. Somehow she felt like she would have rejoiced at the sight of an 18 yr old Kelley. She hated looking at Kelley now and what the sight of her with someone else did.

“Did he do anything to you?” Hope asked.

“No! I was just talking to him!” Kelley hushed.

“Then how did you- why- Kelley I don't...just please go inside.” Hope said as she rubbed her temple.

“Okay it was stupid.” Kelley called out to her soccer coach who was walking away. “I just thought that you..please look at me..I- I was upset.”

The girl watched as the woman continued to walk away from her.

But Kelley O’Hara was never the one to give up.

It felt amazing to have Hope’s hand in her own when she grabbed it. It felt like she had tethered the moon to her Earth and now the days could revolve like normal. Because for the last three years, Hope Solo had been her center of gravity.

So it was understandable when she felt a little unbalanced when Hope had quickly untangled their fingers.

“Don’t do that to me.” Kelley said defiantly. “I-I I’m sorry Hope. It was an impulsive thing. Okay? I was just upset at seeing you with her a-and I thought that if I could make you jealous that I...I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Well you were successful. Feel happy now?” Hope asked softly.

“No.” Kelley said quickly..

_This is the most unloved I’ve ever felt, kid._

“Just go to class.” Hope said with clenched teeth.

“Hope.” Kelley begged.

“Just go, kid. We’ll deal with this later.”

“No! I didn’t do anything wrong! If anything, you’re the one who fucking did something wrong!” The girl looked around and made sure that the hallway was still empty, her classmates still in their respective classrooms.

“Excuse me?” Hope asked with her hands on her hips. Really, it was true. She had probably broken every rule in the handbook. But that didn’t change the way she was looking at Kelley with narrowed eyes.

“You told me that you were mine the he other night.”

The girl looked so down-trodden. Despair around her eyes, complementing the freckles that dotted her cheeks.

“I am.” Hope said miserably as she tinkered with the button of the water fountain she was standing next to.

“Then why are you still with her?” Kelley couldn’t help the teardrop that had escaped her eye and was falling down her cheeks. She quickly wiped it away.

The woman saw the girl wipe it away out of the corner of her eye, and turned her head to look at Kelley, look at all of her for the first time today. Hope noticed the way she was wearing make up. The girl was in a floral patterned skirt, and a green top that made her eyes look like a mossy lagoon. She took in the sight of her thin legs and the amount of thigh showing, and the bashful way her legs crossed whenever she was talking to her soccer coach off the field. Hope didn’t like thinking about a full grown man being able to look at Kelley the way she was right now, in this moment.

But she couldn’t control that. Just like she couldn’t control herself.

“You look really pretty.” Hope whispered, surrendered.

Kelley’s face suddenly brightened at the compliment.

“Really?” She asked.

“Yeah.” Kelley’s face slowly started to fall at the sullen tone of the woman’s voice. She still didn’t know how to get it right with her coach.

“You have to go back to class.” Hope whispered.

“Happy Birthday, Cap.”

Kelley clenched her jaw, but when the tension still hadn’t been released, she slammed her palm into the nearest locker when she saw the back of her soccer coach round the corner, disappearing from her view.

 

~~

 

“Thanks, babe.” Hope said when she had grabbed the keys from Olivia.

“Oh hey, Olivia!” Tobin called out from the field. The trainer waved back enthusiastically.

“I like her. She’s my favorite.”

“Mine, too.” Hope whispered. “How are you going to get back?”

“Er is waiting for me in the parking lot.” The woman said. “Oh my god, is that little Kelley?!? Oh my god, she’s adorable with her shin guards and her little socks. And wow...fucking fast.”

Hope looked on at the girl she hadn't said a word to since practice had started. She let her girlfriend stand next to her and get to know the sport she loved, but she grew tensely aware of the fact having Olivia next to her on the sideline would probably not go well.

The woman saw the moment Kelley realized who was on the sideline. She felt like maybe the crew of ‘Cheaters’ was about to come out of the woods with a camera. Hope could see the way Kelley’s fists clenched. The usual fire in the girl was starting blaze.

“Hey, babe. I don’t know if I’m allowed to have someone here that isn’t an employ-”

“Say no more! I’ll see you tonight!”

The soccer coach turned to watch her go, and closed her eyes to get herself ready for the impending doom and fury of Kelley’s wrath. When she had turned on her heel, she saw Christen score a goal and the pinny team celebrate. But she saw Kelley heading her way. Her face hot with fury and sweat.

“That wasn’t a goal!” Kelley yelled.

“Calm down, Little one! It was a goal.” Alex said as she wiped the sweat from her lip and waved at her best friend to come back to their respective side.

“No fuck that!” Kelley said fiercely. “Are you going to call that off or what??”

Hope braced herself. “Cap, I didn’t see it. So it counts.”

“Yeah you didn’t fucking see it, because you were too distracted talking to your girlfriend instead of doing your job!” Kelley yelled.

Hope sighed. This wasn’t going to go well.

“O’Hara. Calm. Down.” Hope warned.

“Don’t fucking tell me to calm down!” Kelley stalked in the direction of the woman’s path, and Hope tensed at the battle that was about to ensue. She was debating her strategy. “It was offside! Just call it!”

“O’Hara. Go back on the field and join your team. I’m not asking you again.” Hope warned. She could see everyone else staring at them, thankful for a break from all of the running, but terrified that their captain was about to do something stupid.

“Or what?! Huh? What are you going to do?” Kelley challenged. Hope watched as Kelley kicked the pile of water bottles that the girls had tossed aside, and felt her blood boil as the girl continued to walk towards her. “How hard is it for you to be a fucking coach? You don’t even have a high school degree! You didn’t do shit to get this easy ass job for you to just watch some girls play! You had one fucking job, and you couldn’t even do that!”

“Kelley! Stop!” Alex called out.

“You take one more step closer, O’Hara, and you’ll wish that you had never talked to me like that.” Hope growled.

And of course, Kelley stepped closer. So close, that she was able to tip the hat off of Hope’s head and stare her at her.

“Fuck.” Tobin yelled out. All of the players just stood still, not too sure what was going to happen next. Kelley kept her glare as she gauged the reaction that she was going to get from her coach. She didn’t care if she made her run, she didn’t care if she would yell at her. Hell, she didn’t even care if she made everyone else run for her. She couldn’t stop. The sight of Olivia giving Hope, _her Hope,_ a kiss on the lips before she had handed her something, had awakened something animalistic in her. And the beast was raging. She would never hit the woman she loved, but her hands were starving for something.

“Al.” Hope called out, while she continued to stare Kelley down. The other captain quickly jogged over to her coach.

“Coach.” Alex said breathlessly. Hope turned to her.

“I want you to watch the last twenty minutes of practice. Don’t break early. Run the whole 20.” Hope instructed softly. “You’re the one I trust to make sure the team is still working.”

Alex nodded before her eyes flitted back to her best friend whose expression started to fill with mild confusion.

“Re shuffle the teams as you see fit. 7v7. I want you to instruct them from the sideline and make sure Tobs does things with a goddamn purpose. You understand?”

“Um.. not really coach..you want me to watch the last minutes, where are you going to be?” Alex asked slowly.

“I’m out of here.” Hope said softly.

“Why?” Kelley pushed.

“Can I trust you, Al?” Hope ignored the girl’s question.

“Y-yeah.”

“Cool. Thanks for stepping up, Captain.” Hope said quietly. She noticed the way every one of her girls was watching her as she picked up her bag, picked up her cap, and then ambled back to the school so that she could take refuge in the office.

She didn’t even look back to see Kelley so heartbroken and so confused.

 

~~

 

“What are you doing?” Carli asked as she peered through the window that her best friend was standing by.

“I’m just making sure that they’re safe.”

“Are you doing some weird life lesson thing with them?” Carli asked with a sigh.

“When am I not?” Hope asked as she watched the girls walk to the sideline. She checked her watch. It was the end of practice.

_I can always count on that kid._

“Okay, but this is a little creepy.” Carli said with a shrug.

“I’m making sure that no one got injured. From afar. From a window. Whatever.” Hope muttered.

 

~~

 

 **XXX-342-5903:** Can I please talk to you? 7:58 pm

 **XXX-342-5903:** I don’t understand what just happ 7:58 pm

 **XXX-342-5903:** Im sorry 7:59 pm

 **XXX-342-5903:** I didn’t like seeing you with her 8:02 pm

 **XXX-342-5903:** im not going to do that again 8:02 pm

 **XXX-342-5903:** I understand if you want to make me run or whatever 8:04 pm

 **XXX-342-5903:** pls call me 8:34 pm

 **XXX-342-5903:** im really really sorry hope. Im not thinking. I wont do that again. 8:34 pm

 **XXX-342-5903:** did i ruin this? 8:34 pm

 **XXX-342-5903:** can you call me? 8:35 pm

 **XXX-342-5903:** Can I see you tonight? 8:38 pm

 **XXX-342-5903:** I just want to see you tonight fr my bday 8:43 pm

 **XXX-342-5903:** can I come over? 8:45 pm

 **XXX-342-5903:** you don’t even need to talk, i just want to say im sorry. I didn’t want this for my birthday. I jsut thought that maybe you were gonna be with me today. But i was wrong. And i messed up. Can you please jus respond to me. 9:34 pm

 

~~

 

Hope tried not think about the party that must have been going on at Alex’s house. She had put her phone on silent and had buried it underneath her pillow so that she wouldn’t have responded to Kelley’s texts. After the first few that she had read when the phone had buzzed in her hand, the pang in her chest was getting to be too much.

She begrudgingly took it with her when her girlfriend had dragged her out for the night.

The woman just didn’t know how to interpret Kelley’s actions. The were boggling her mind. First, the girl was feeding her sweet adages, making Hope fall irremediably in love with her, promising to make her feel loved. Then she was hitting on a teacher that she _knew_ Hope wasn’t particularly fond of, and then she pulled that stunt on the field.

It was confusing the woman.

_She’s just a teenager, acting like a teenager, dude. She knew exactly what she was doing when she picked Jerramy to be the person to make you jealous or angry or what the fuck ever, and she knew exactly how to push you beyond your breaking point._

_You did bring Olivia to the field though..._

_No I didn’t, she just happened to catch me out there..._

_You know how much that pushes Kelley’s buttons. You knew exactly what that was going to do to her._

_Yeah, but I didn’t realize it until it had happened..._

Hope was getting exhausted. She rubbed her eyes and tried not to think about what alcohol, a parentless house, and an 18 year old Kelley with Heather Mitts could mean tonight.

“You want a beer, babe?” Olivia asked. Hope looked up and then looked up at Paul who was studying her with narrowed eyes.

“Yeah. I’ll have one.”

 

~~

 

“So what are the consequences going to be?” Paul asked.

Hope put the glass to her lips and registered that her ‘coke and whiskey’ was just coke. She looked at him for a long time, and then took another sip.

_He’s looking out for me._

“I don’t know. Dude. I was just so fucking...I was so pissed. Like...what the fuck.” Hope shook her head.

“I feel you. Girls are different. If it was a boy, POP!, send him down on his face.” Paul shrugged.

“Erin is probably going to chew her out for this.” Olivia said with a grimace.

“Oh no, babe. You cannot tell Erin. I’m not to sure how I’m going to deal with this yet.” Hope said. Her girlfriend looked like she was going to protest for second, but then nodded.

“Bruv. It seems like you got to her already, though. Seems like she was probably devastated?”

“Yeah.” Hope said sadly.

 

~~

 

Kelley had downed the bottle of natural light, and made a disgusted face when she had cleared the bottom of it.

“Yeah, it tastes like piss. At least it's cold, and not warm.” Ash said with a grin.

“Yeah, whatever.” Kelley said before she reached for another one.

“Can you please pace yourself?” Ash asked quietly.

“Why the fuck would I do that?” Kelley asked.

“Because it’s your birthday, and believe it or not, you’re supposed to have fun.” She said with a sad smile.

“Today’s been a shit day.” Kelley muttered. She clicked open the can and started working on it.

“Yeah, well. Maybe you shouldn’t  have spoken to coach like that. Ever think of that?”

“Okay mom. Hop off.” Kelley said with an eye roll.

“I'm just saying. If you want her to think you're an adult, that's probably not the way to go.”

Kelley watched her friend take a sip and then walk away and join a group of her friends gathered around the table.

 

~~

 

“Hi.” Alex whispered as she sat down next to Tobin around the small little bonfire that Leo and some of the boys had made from the fire pit in the backyard.

“Hey, Al.” Tobin said with a goofy grin.

“Are you drunk, already?” Alex asked with a smirk.

“I don't know what's in that punch. But I had two of it. It's enough.” She slurred.

Alex laid her head on Tobin's shoulder and they both looked at the flames crack against the darkened sky. Tobin felt her friend hold onto her arm and nuzzle into her.

“Seems like you may be drunk already, too.” Tobin giggled. It wasn't like Alex to be so affectionate.

“I'm...I'm not drunk. I'm just...” Alex's head popped back up. She met the midfielders gaze. “I'm just sorry.”

Tobin took in the sight of Alex in her halter top and her tan skin and the long legs jutting out from underneath the pastel pink shorts. The midfielder felt growl underneath her belly button.

“No. I'm sorry.” Tobin said. She readjusted her seated position so that she was staring at Alex full on, but also do that there was a lit more distance in between them. She wanted to shake off this thought of Alex.

“I didn't know, Al.” Tobin said quietly.

“Know what?” Alex asked as she clutched on to her beer can really tight.

“How you felt.” Tobin said quietly.

Alex blinked several times.

“Who-wh-how. Who told you??” Alex asked fiercely.

“Christen just told me that you had feelings for-”

“Well, Christen can mind her own goddamn fucking business!” Alex yelled.

Tobin looked around to see everyone look at them with confusion before they carried on with their conversations and their poor quality beer consumption.

“She had no fucking right-”

“You’re right. You should have told me, Al.” Tobin whispered. “When did this happen? When did it become so hard for you to talk to me?”

She searched the girl’s eyes for the answer. She hoped that the question would stir the pot, make the girl stew think about the way their relationship had turned out because of all of this.

“It became hard when you started dating him.” Alex said simply.

“Yeah, but I didn't know.” Tobin said softly. She took Alex's hand. I wouldn't have gotten with him had I known you..Alex..I..I love you. I wouldn't..”

She looked at the reflection of the flames of the bonfire in the girl's eye but could see the soft way the hardened expression was melting.

“Don't be mad at Chris. She cares about you and I.” Tobin said gently.

The midfielder took her friend's hand and laced it within her own.

“I think I'm going to do the right thing.” She whispered.

“What's that?” Alex asked as she rubbed her thumb over Tobin's fingers.

“I think I'm going to break up with him. For him. And for me.” She said sadly. She looked up to see Alex, equally as sad.

“I thought you'd be happy.”

The forward shook her head. “I thought I would be. But....” Alex sighed and then squeezed her hand tighter. “You seem sad.”

“I'm..i’m still....confused.” Tobin said with a chuckle.

“Dude. What is there to be confused about?” Alex whispered.

“Fucking life.” Tobin sighed.

Alex leaned over. Tobin felt her hot breath on her ear and closed her eyes when the forward’s raspy voice made her shiver, “Come on. Follow me.”

  


~~

 

“Do you see that?” Crystal asked as she pointed with the neck of her bottle at the interlaced hands of Tobin and Alex heading upstairs.

“Yeah. What about it?” Julie asked as she swung her dangling legs off of the table and bobbed her head to the beat of the music.

“It just seems like...more than friendly.” Crystal said with a scrunched up nose. “What do you think, CP?”

Christen gulped at the sight of Tobin’s hand on Alex’s thigh as she helped her  balance on the way upstairs. She’s pretty sure that her mind was playing tricks on her, because it seemed like she was witnessing this all in slow motion. Christen saw nothing else other than Tobin’s hand, Alex’s thigh, and heard a buzzing sound in her ear.

“Chris?” Julie nudged her in the shoulder.

“Uhh.” Christen shook her head. “What was the question?”

“I was saying that that little exchange right there before they went upstairs seemed a little more friendly. What do you think?” Crystal asked with narrowed eyes and a tilted head.

“Umm..I don’t know.” Christen looked all around at the many classmates that had littered Alex’s house and sought out Messi. She could see him chatting with some guys in the backyard. None of it made sense. _Or maybe...._

 

_~~_

 

“Ew.” Ashlyn said loudly when her and  Crystal had walked into Alex’s sister room to find Mitts with her hand up Kelley’s skirt.

“Ash! Fucking knock!” Kelley slurred.

“I was looking for the bathroom, chill.” She threw back.

“Ash, you think you can learn some fucking manners.” Heather called out.

Crystal looked at her with disbelief and then looked at Ashlyn.

“Is she serious?” Crystal asked.

“Yeah, I’m serious.” Heather called out.

“Kell. What the fuck are you still doing with her ?” Ashlyn asked as she walked into the room, making it known that she wasn’t going to let this continue.

Kelley lazily rubbed her  brow out of frustration.

“Ash. Please leave.” She begged.

“No!” the keeper stood still with her arms crossed in defiance. “I’ll leave when you get rid of this trash.”

The older girl got up from her position on the bed so fast.

“Fucking what did you say?” Heather growled.

“She said,” Crystal joined her friend’s side, “That Kelley needs to take the trash out!”

Kelley put Jenn’s pillow over her head when the arguing voices started to fill the room.

 

~~

 

“What are you doing, Al?” Tobin’s chest was heaving as she looked at Alex Morgan climb onto her lap. She could see from the one night lamp in Alex’s room the confident way her friend was straddling her.

“Do you want answers?” Alex whispered.

Tobin nodded. She could feel her heartbeat throughout her whole body, even felt it beat against the headboard of her bed on her back.

“You can tell me to stop at any time. Okay?” Alex said gently.

Again, Tobin nodded. Alex put her hand on Tobin’s chest  to calm her body, but she had no idea that it was doing quite the opposite.

“Does it feel this way when you’re with him?”

Tobin gulped. “No.”

Her voice was shaky, but she should have expected it, after all, her whole body was vibrating with something that she had never experienced before.

Tobin melted when she felt Alex’s soft lips pressed against her own. Beer and cherry lipstick, a pleasant sensation compared to the scratchy face of her boyfriend. Alex was so gentle and so sweet and Tobin didn’t know that it was possible to actually feel other parts of her body enjoy a kiss. Her mind didn’t wander. She gripped Alex’s hunched upper torso into her body and enjoyed her first kiss.

Because this had just cancelled out every other kiss that she had received from the boys of her childhood. This was it. This is what people came for.

 

~~

 

“Babe. Maybe you should chill on the drinks, yeah?” Hope asked with a chuckle.

The woman held Olivia up by the side and brought her closer to her own body, because her girlfriend was swaying.

“How much did you serve her?” She glared at Paul.

“Like five.” He shrugged.

“She’s a lightweight.” Hope clicked her teeth.

“How would I know that?” Paul asked defensively.

Soccer coach sighed. She hoped that this was the only drunk girl that she would have to care for tonight. She checked her phone to make sure that none of her players had texted her. Hope also noticed it had been more than a couple of hours since Kelley last texted her.

 

~~

 

“You’ve been seeing someone else?” Heather asked with narrowed eyes.

Kelley sat up from position in her bed. She threw the pillow aside and could see the furious face of Heather Mitts looking like she was about to light something on fire.

“Heather, it’s not-”

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME O’HARA?” Heather yelled in disbelief.

“Hey, it’s not what you think-”

“Kell, why are you still trying, you know that you want to cut her off.” Ashlyn shrugged.

“Ash, shut the fuck up!” Kelley yelled when Heather stormed out of the room.

The two friends glared at each other before Kelley sat back on the bed and looked up at the popcorn ceiling. She wondered if Hope was going to be worth all of this.

“I did you a favor.” Ash said strongly.

“Stop fucking doing me favors, Harris.” Kelley groaned. She put the pillow back over her head.

“Is everything okay up here?”  Kelley could hear Christen’s voice.

“Ashlyn took out the trash.” Crystal said in a matter-of- fact tone.

“UGH! I hate all of you!” Kelley screamed.

 

~~

 

“Al, Ashlyn just-”

Both Alex and Tobin were stock still under the scrutiny of Crystal’s open mouth and widened, disbelieving eyes.

“What the-”

“Crys, it’s not what you-” Tobin sputtered.

Alex slid off of Tobin’s lap at the sight of Ashlyn and Christen filing in behind Crystal. The keeper had the same expression, but her fellow forward had no emotion. None that was readable.

“Can-I don't know if I can handle this- what- what is this??” Ashlyn asked as she ran her hands through her hair.

“This is nothing.” Alex said quickly. Tobin nodded.

“Tobs, I thought you were with Leo.” Crystal asked. They all turned around to see Kelley drunkenly laughing at the sight of her two friends in bed together.

“Haha so you can't get with Leo, so you sleep with Tobin? Nice, Al.” Kelley slurred.

“Oh my fuckin..” Alex muttered as she slid off the bed and went over to the drunken mess that Kelley had become in the short hour she had been separated from her best friend.

“Little one. You're a mess. Are you okay?” Alex said as she put her arm around to catch Kelley before she fell over.

“Nope.” Kelley said with exhaustion.

“Okay. I'm going to take care of this one.” Alex said, very fucking thankful that there was an excuse to get out of the room. On her way out, she looked straight at the girl that she knew she had to address, the one that she probably hurt the most that night. Alcohol couldn’t have been an excuse. But she couldn’t mutter out the apology. The lack of an expression frightened her. Alex carted Kelley out  of their room.

  


~~

 

“Little one, just drink some water.” Alex soothed as she made sure Kelley sat upright on the counter of the bathroom sink.

“I’m not drunk, Al.” Kelley said with a giggle.

“Okay, sure, bud.”

“Why did you kiss her? You know what that would do?” Kelley asked as she leaned her head back into the mirror that they both used every morning as the got ready for school. The buzz of the light above their head was all that could be heard as Kelley waited for her best friend’s answered.

“I’ll answer that when you tell me who you’re sleeping with.” Alex threw back.

“I’m sleeping with a teacher.” Kelley said with a straight face.

“Okay, Kell.” Alex rolled her eyes. “Seriously.”

“Fine.” Kelley said with a wave of her hand. She wiped the loose spit on the side of her mouth and ran her hand through her mane. “I’m sleeping with a woman who is like thirty.”

“Who?” Alex asked with a furrowed brow.

“A teacher. But not at our school.”

“Which school?” Alex asked with narrowed eyes.

“College. Met her through Erin. But she doesn’t know.” Kelley said darkly.

Alex stood their, quietly.

“You serious?”

Kelley nodded.

“Like...a thirty year old? Like Coach Solo’s age basically?”

Kelley’s body tensed.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Well...” Alex scratched her head and then fixed Kelley’s shirt before she said quietly, “As long as she doesn’t hurt you, then...I’m happy for you. Weirded out. But, happy for you.”

Kelley felt herself sober up.

 

~~

 

“Do you want a water?” Tobin asked with a hint of fear.

“No, I’m good, Tobs. I’m not drinking.” Christen said softly as she stood by the bonfire.

“Are you cold? I can get you  a jacket?” Tobin tried again.

But all she got in return was a calculating stare aimed at her face.

“What was that back there?” Christen whispered. “You have a boyfriend.”

Tobin choked on her words. It was true. Her boyfriend was sitting just ten yards away, drinking and having a good time, oblivious to the fact that she had just tongued a girl in a room not too far away. The crime scene would always be there.

“I don’t know. I just ..Alex just asked my if I wanted answers...”

“Answers to what?” Christen pushed.

“To..whether or not I still like Leo.” Tobin closed her eyes in shame.

“We all know you didn’t, so why did you do it really?” Christen said as she shook her head. “You knew that Alex liked him, so why would you do that? And out of all times and places?! At a party that he’s at?!?”

And just like her moment with alex in front of the fire, Tobin stepped back to really look at Christen. To look at all of her.

_Holy Fucking Shit._

She didn’t know about the lust that was hiding underneath the bedrock of her belly, the pithole in between her legs. The sigh of Alex was nothing compared to what she was experiencing now. Even when Christen was so obviously disappointed in her, something about her brown skin in under the light of the natural red flames was making Tobin feel some type of way.

“You’re not mad at me, are you?” Tobin asked as she scooted closer to the girl.

“I am.” Christen said softly. Her voice was weighted and thoughtful and it was like she was discovering this as she said it.

“Why?”

“Because you shouldn’t have done that.”Christen said simply.

“B-but. You knew what I was going through with him. You knew how unhappy I was. Right?”

Christen looked at her like she almost felt sorry for her.

“Yeah, I also thought I knew who you were.” The girl shook her head before she walked back into the house and called over her shoulder, “But I guess I was wrong.”

  


~~

 

Hope sped down the streets in her car at a speed at least 20 miles over the speed limit. She was reaching for her keys before she had hung up the call. She made sure the Olivia was turned on her side and sound asleep before the tires on her car were crunching those little rocks under its tread as she made her way to Kelley.

She parked five houses down and something ached in her chest at the sight of Kelley in a outfit showing too much skin for a night so cold.  The older woman could see through the windshield the way her gait was choppy, and the way the girl was leaning to the left. The soccer coach had opened her door and had caught Kelley before she had fallen completely.

“Where do you want me to take you?” Hope whispered as she cradled the girl and put her leather jacket around the girl’s shoulders. Her instinct to protect kicked in and hoped that her body warmth would help as she pulled the girl close to her when she buckled her seat belt for her.

“Hopey, I want you to take me to your place.” Kelley whispered. Then she giggled.

“Oy. You really are drunk.” Hope said.

“Take care of me.” Kelley pouted.

“Little one, I can’t take you to my house. But I can take you to Erin’s.”

Kelley furrowed her brows and settled deeper into the cove that was Hope’s jacket. She crossed her arms.

“I want you to take me to your place. And I’m not taking no for an answer. And I’m not that drunk anymore.”

“Really?” Hope asked as she put on her seatbelt and started the engine. “I know you’re drunk, but you’re really gonna demand those things of me after you spoke to me that way on the field?”

Kelley gulped. But then she shook her fear off as Hope started driving.

“It’s my birthday. Can you just pretend that you’re mine? Can you just do that for me?” She pleaded.

 

~~

 

“Don’t fucking tell me to get out.” Kelley warned. “Don’t fucking do this to me.”

Hope put her head in her hands.

“I don’t know where else to take you, Cap.” Hope sighed.

“Fucking take me to your place, and call me your girlfriend.” Kelley growled. The girl took one last look at her sister’s apartment the passenger side window and then locked her door as a sign of defiance.

“I want to.” Hope whispered.

“Then do it.” Kelley pushed. “You asked me what I wanted for my birthday. And I’m telling you that this is what I want.”

 

~~

 

“Hey.” Alex said softly, when she had reached the spot that Christen and Ashlyn had been standing at.

“Hey.” Chris responded.

“Can..Can we talk?” Alex asked hesitantly. But she noticed that Christen’s attention had been pulled away from her.

“Um. Al?” Christen’s voice shook. “You may want to have this conversation later.”

The forward looked at Christen’s expression, a little befuddled at the sight of her friend’s scared eyes.

“Oh. Um. Yeah..I understand. Totally.” Alex said.

“No, Al. Look.” Christen spun her around.

Alex Morgan really wish she hadn’t.

Because then she wouldn’t have to see Heather Mitts’ mouth all over the boy that she had been pining over for months.

 

~~

 

“Little one. Fucking meet me halfway.” Hope growled into the girl’s ear. It was low and it was spat through clenched teeth as she hovered over the small girl that was laying, half naked in her guest bedroom.

“Are you going to sleep in the room _with her?_ ” Kelley asked, her voice was huffing with the infuriation that the older woman could feel. It was like they were on the field.

“Kelley, stop.” Hope tightened her hold on Kelley’s hand and pinned it against the sheets so that she couldn’t move. The girl had been wriggling, threatening to make a noise so loud that the both of them would never be able to do this again.

“Don’t tell me to stop. I'm your girlfriend. You can stop kidding yourself.” Kelley said, equally as frustrated. She bit down on Hope’s neck and the woman hissed at the sting and tried to reign in and control the lust and anger that was starting to consume all of her.

Hope put the side of her hand in between Kelley’s teeth just to shut her up, while she bit down hard on the girl’s chest and sucked and tasted the perfume that made her smell like a girl she didn’t know. A girl, a scent that she only probably put on for Heather Mitts. The woman felt the part in between her legs ache at the sound of Kelley whimper into her hand.

With the other hand. Hope tore the girl’s skirt in half fueled by the brute strength of her lust and the filthy thoughts of her wanting to defile Kelley.

Kelley screamed a little at the sensation of her skirt ripping.

“O’Hara. If you don’t shut the fuck up, I won't ever be able to touch you again.”

“That’s fucking fine with me.” Kelley snarled.

She didn’t mean it. They both knew it. But that didn’t stop Hope from getting up from the bed to walk away, leaving Kelley alone in the bed, shirtless and panting, even more frustrated at not being able to get what she wanted. She knew that this was fucking payback for what she did at practice.

 

~~

 

Hope had successfully calmed herself down by the time she had laid in bed next to her girlfriend. When she had unlocked the front door to her home and pushed Kelley’s face up against a wall while she ordered her to be quiet while she rubbed little circles over the girl's panties in the spot that had made her soaking wet, the two had come to an unspoken agreement that Kelley were to stay out of sight of the woman who had passed out hours ago.

Even in her defiance in bed, Hope knew that Kelley had to understand that the woman was genuinely trying to meet her halfway. Kelley wanted her to bring her to her place, then she did.

Hope felt some satisfaction at the thought of Kelley touching herself because of what Hope started, and intentionally didn’t finish. While she slept an arm’s length away from a beautiful woman, she started to think about the way Kelley was probably furiously rubbing at herself, her bra straps hanging off her shoulder, her other hand covering her mouth to muffle the moans. The woman figured that it must be what was happening, because Kelley usually was so loud when it came to that. She could envision the red bra that Kelley had on, the one that she had just seen a few minutes ago. And hope could also imagine the mouth-watering sight of Kelley with her legs wide open.

The woman put her head back on her pillow and her hands on her eyes.

Then she saw her door open.

_Oh fuck me._

‘Don’t’ She mouthed at the naked girl  with a smirk on her face that could be seen from the outside lamp above her pool, right outside her window.

_Kelley. Fucking don’t._

No matter what she did, Kelley kept taking her steps closer to the bed that had both Hope AND Olivia in it. The soccer coach had sat up so that only her legs were under the comforter, but she put her hands over her eyes when Kelley just stood right in front her, close to her side. The panic, the adrenaline, and the fear were pumping and pulsing inside of Hope. Her hands were shaking.

She felt Kelley’s left hand cradle  the side of her head while the girl whispered so quietly, and so gently, “I’m tired of not getting what I want.”

The girl was so light that the bed hardly groaned under her weight when she had gently pulled the cover back from Hope’s legs and and kneeled in between them. The woman closed her eyes at the feeling of Kelley’s tongue in her ear, and the lack of sound as she trailed it all around her neck. She couldn’t protest, she couldn’t speak. If she did, they were both dead.

Hope had never been in this situation before.

She looked Kelley in the eye, the girl’s with a victorious smirk, Hope’s widened with fear, as the girl ever so  slowly slid her knees and her whole body down to the bottom of the bed. The older woman turned her head to the side and looked at the rising and falling body of Olivia sleeping gently beside her as she felt the smooth cotton on her underwear being pulled farther down her legs.

The bed bumped a little when Kelley had propped herself on her stomach and had looped her arms under Hope’s strong legs.

The girl looked at Hope as her mouth hovered over where it throbbed. It was weighted with lust, with desire, and with the sacrifices that they were both willing to make. The moment was discernible amongst the many times  Kelley had looked up at her before she had taken advantage of her. It was like Kelley was telling her that she wanted to show her love. Even when she resisted, even when Hope was pissed at her, even when Hope couldn’t, Kelley would still try.

Hope let the lust travel up her spine when the girl had put her tongue on Hope’s pleasure spot. The woman gripped the blanket over her, concealing her from  the trouble that this would all cause. But she put her head on the back of Kelley’s head to let her know that this was more than just a release.

The woman never thought that an eighteen year old could just _know_  what to do. Kelley’s tongue was making Hope breath heavy and see stars. She didn’t want it to stop.  Hope could feel the puddle of saliva and her wetness forming on the sheets, along with the hot breath of Kelley’s mouth on her thighs.

Every once in awhile you could hear the girl’s tongue lap at Hope’s skin, or Hope let out the tiniest moan, or a ruffle of sheets when Hope would  suddenly jerk. A teenager’s tongue in between her legs was all she needed. It made her body heave, it made her heavy with desire, and she tried so hard to delay the dirtiest, most perverted, most delicious, and the most powerful orgasm she has ever had.

It was also the most muffled one she has ever had. At one point, she had even grabbed so close to Olivia’s arm, but she had felt Kelley grip onto the arm that was underneath the blanket, the one clutching the girl that she was in love with. She pulled the arm back from her girlfriend.

Hope looked to her side, and even though her body had shaken violently from the way Kelley had just played her like an instrument, Olivia was still asleep.

The woman could feel Kelley slide up her body, as she continued to look at the woman lying next to her. The woman that had done nothing wrong.

 

 

~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Wretched


	10. You're Scared, Little Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It should have been said with happiness, and with affection, but it came with a twisted past. Just like Hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! So like... from here on out, these updates will probs be shorter than my usual. BUT that means that there will probs be more updates.  
> Busy schedule ya know. I gots a life ya know. But I love this story. So I will devote the time I have to it!  
> Also....i'm lazy. I'll edit later.

Hope had her eyes on that black mane of hair that she could discern in the semi-darkness, as she felt the literal bumps and grooves of Kelley’s tongue as it traveled up her body. In this moment of time in history, Hope could feel the battle within that had drained her to her defeat and surrender. Her admission of her godawful acts, the wretched beast she had become, and the waste and remains of the orgasm still traveling down her thighs, had finally devoured her.

_ I can’t keep doing this. _

Out of all of the hearts in this room, in a state ready to be broken, hers was the one that carried the most weight. The most responsibility. And here she was, the human being riddled with the consequences of lying there next to the one that should be, and the one that unequivocally was.

She tore her gaze away when she felt the strands of Kelley’s hair tickle her neck, followed by the girl’s mouth on her lips. It stung.

The weight of Kelley’s lips brought upon a dolorous sensation and even though Hope felt like the girl weighed twenty pounds or so, this kiss had brought upon the weight of the world. And this was real life, real people, real heartbreak. So she couldn’t just shrug because now, she was bearer of the heavens.

It was too dark to really see the yellow specks in Kelley’s eyes, or any emotion that must have been on her face, but Hope let out two shallow breaths as she made her decision.

The way she sat up was slow and deliberate, no sense in waking her girlfriend up now, but the way her fingers trapped around Kelley’s mouth was quick and her grip was stifling. Her movements weren’t clear in her head, but it was stealthily silent, deadly in nature.

One hand around the girl’s mouth, and the other holding Kelley up by an arm around her torso. The girl wriggled a little bit, a tad frightened by Hope's strong grip around her mouth, but when she saw that the woman was carrying her out, she relaxed.  

The rest of the house was just as dark as her bedroom. The pool light shone through the blinds of the windows on the tile floor of her kitchen. 

She pulled Kelley down onto the island and stuffed all of her fingers in the girl's mouth. 

“Don't fucking do that.” She growled. “Ever. Again.”

All that came in response was muffled sounds that tried to come out through fingertips and saliva. 

“I'm serious Kelley. Don't.” The woman quickly withdrew her fingers but she replaced it with a hard hold on the girl's chin. 

Kelley's shoulders sank. Hope let go. 

“Did you not like it?” Kelley whispered with downcast eyes. 

Hope wanted to get her on her knees and massage the back of Kelley's head as she imagined getting her to do what she just did in her bedroom. Moments like this were frustrating. It was pent up lust paired with misplaced anger. 

“Don't pull this shit.” Hope growled. 

“What?” Kelley furrowed her brows and narrowed her eyes, her emotion changing in a split second. 

“Kell. Don't do what you did to me and then act all puppy dog eyes on me. Don't pull that shit.” Hope growled as she leaned in closer and let her lips touch the girl's ear. 

“Stop.” Kelley whispered. Surrendering again. This time, something about her voice seemed different. 

Hope pulled back just a little bit. 

“Stop.” Kelley said again as she gently put her hand on the woman's chest and slowly slid herself off the counter. Her tight skirt and had rolled up high enough up off her leg when her feet had touched the ground, and that's what Hope’s eyes concentrated on when she pulled the girl back by the hem of it, when she had managed to get a few steps away. 

“Did I go too f-”

“Stop.” Kelley whispered as she shook Hope’s hand off and put her hands on the kitchen table. Her back was still closing her vision off from her coach. 

Hope stood still. 

_ Maybe I did go too far. Maybe that was too rough.  _

Kelley shook her head. 

“Stop. I need you to stop bullshitting with me and tell me what it is that you want from me.” Kelley said softly. “Because it's my birthday and I had to spend my night with you,  _ all of you,  _ with the other woman in the same bed.”

Hope sighed. She clenched her jaw. The reality of their actions had been pushed aside for the tiniest of seconds, but now it was back, rearing its ugly head. 

“I know that I'm younger. But time isn't going to fix that. I always will be.” Kelley whispered as she turned around to face her and put her hand on her heart. “I know that It will be longer down the road before I fully understand what this is, what it could be, and what it has done, already. 

“I'm scared shitless, Hope. If you told me to cut my heart out of my body and give it to you, I fucking would.” Kelley shook her head at her admission. 

“I know that I may not know as much as Olivia, but I know how much I love you.”

The air was heavy, the room dark, and silent. Hope thought about how Kelley actually listened to her and waited until her birthday to say those words. Really, it was a formality. 18 didn't mean shit. 16 didn't mean shit. The transgressions were committed a long time ago. And looking Kelley's facial expression, the fierce one plastered on her face after she had just bore her soul, changed something in Hope. Maybe it was chemical, maybe it was cognitive, but nevertheless, she felt her hair rise as the light from outside bounced off of the kitchen tile and shone on a sliver of Kelley's face. 

“I need to stop acting like you are doing these things to me.” Hope said softly. 

Kelley seemed interested. 

“Sometimes, I feel like you know exactly what you're doing to me.” The woman admitted. 

“I have no fucking clue, Hope!” The girl frustratingly whispered. “I'm pulling shit out of my ass just trying to get some kind of reaction out you and it's always fucking different!”

“I just have to..” Hope took a step closer to her, “Restrain. I have to restrain.”

“I don't want you to.” Kelley said as she grabbed Hope's hand and put in on her own chest. 

“I know.” Hope whispered. “I just. I need to stop acting like you do these things to me, because I am the one who makes these decisions.”

“What do you mean?” Kelley asked 

“You've been a special one for a long time, little one.” Hope said sadly. It should have been said with happiness, and with affection, but it came with a twisted past. Just like Hope. 

“And this-” She pointed at the space in between them, “this was borne out of something that’s not romantic or-or right. This is something that just is. And it’s not your fault, it’s not something you do to me with me just being a victim.” Hope said gently.

“Please stop acting like this is something wrong.” Kelley pleaded.

“What I’m trying to say,” Hope removed her hand from Kelley’s hold and put both on the top of the kitchen table, her arms looped around the girl, and rested her forehead on Kelley’s shoulder. “Is that I’m going to try. I’m going to try to stop acting like this is a fucking burden that you have put on me. Because this shit takes two.”

“Tell me that this ‘two’ is me and you, and not her.” Kelley whispered.

Hope bit down and Kelley’s shoulder lightly, as she weighed down the decision in her brain. It had been made. Now it was time to announce it. 

The woman grabbed Kelley’s hands and put in on each side of her neck as she stared at her for a good long minute.

“I want to take you back to Alex’s house.” Hope said softly.

She felt Kelley dig her nails into her skin.

“Why? Am I not good en-”

“Because I don’t want you to be here when she wakes up.” Hope said sadly. “You don’t need to see that.”

“See what??” Kelley angrily asked.

Hope gripped Kelley’s wrists tighter.

“See the expression on her face.” The woman said quietly. “The face when you realize that your girlfriend chose someone else.”

  
  
  


~~

  
  
  


“I’m gonna kick her ass.” Crystal growled.

“No!” Alex yelled, her eyes fiercely glued to Heather Mitts and the boy that she was hanging on to. She let herself look at the way that the college girl just devoured and ruined everything. Her hold on him was like a snake’s hold on it’s prey. The way she had her arms wrapped him, just waiting until the right moment to squeeze and kill. 

This disgusting display of a makeout wasn’t meant to kill her, Alex knew that. It was meant to get back at Kelley and Tobin, but something about the faintest touch of Christen’s hand on her wrist made it feel like this was all aimed towards her.

“Shit. Where’s Tobin?” Julie asked with a sneer. “Does she know that her man is making out with Mittens over there?”

“Where is Tobs?” Ashlyn asked as she furiously looked around.

But Alex spotted her. The instant she tore her eyes away, she had seen Tobin stop in her tracks at the spectacle that her boyfriend and the girl that had slithered up onto him had become.

And that’s when Alex saw it. It was maybe just in the way Tobin Heath blinked, or the way her furrowed brow relaxed. Maybe it was the way the features on her face slowly slackened and realization had flooded her face. Alex saw the way the midfielder’s eyes immediately found Christen Press.

Alex looked down at her wrist, and then back up at the girl to whom it belonged to.

“I’m sorry.” Alex whispered.

Christen tore her eyes away from the circus show. Then she looked back at it, to avoid the imploring stare of her fellow forward.

“You didn’t know.” Christen said.

“But I did.” Alex said quietly. She felt Christen let go of her hand. “Who doesn’t?”

“I don’t think she does.” Christen said.

Alex turned back to look at Tobin, who was eyeing them curiously.

  
  
  


~~

  
  
  


Ashlyn sat on the front lawn and chucked the can of piss beer into the driveway and breathed in the cold air. The party had become a fuck fest of drama and she couldn’t stand being inside where the orgy of fights and yelling had broken out. Personally, for the keeper, it was a surprise to see that it was actually Christen  who had pulled Heather back by the hair. But, it  was no surprise to see that it had ended up being Alex slapping Leo in the face and cussing him out, nor was it completely out of the blue that JJ and Crystal had joined in on all the fun.

It wasn’t even a surprise when she saw Tobin grab Christen’s hand and pulled her out the front door.

The keeper stood there and enjoyed the cold air that felt refreshing compared to the stuffy and heated atmosphere of that house.

“What are you doing out here?” 

She turned to see Kelley in her tight skirt, but her top had been replaced with an old and faded Seattle Reign shirt and a very familiar looking leather jacket. Something about that sight made it very real for Ashlyn Harris.

“I can ask you the same thing.” Ashlyn said as she looked at the heels in Kelley’s hand and her white, bare feet on the asphalt on the street. There was a lackadaisical way the forward swung her feet and her heels in her hand.  “Where have you been, birthday girl?”

The two friends’ eyes met.

“Or is that a stupid question?” Ashlyn asked softly.

Kelley smiled as she nodded.

The keeper pulled Kelley’s shirt down and inspected the logo on it. 

“The woman that gave you this shirt should probably know that I would kick her ass if she ever hurt you.” Ashlyn said with a smirk.

“You think you can take her?” Kelley asked with a chuckle.

“Eh.” Ashlyn shrugged. “I think that everybody should know that I would do anything to anyone who was in a position of power and used it to take advantage of you.”

The cold air really bit with that statement. Ashlyn’s eyes held still on her.

“Ash. It’s not like that.” Kelley pushed. 

The keeper grabbed the heels from Kelley’s hand and then said warmly, yet seriously, “We’ll see.”

“I love her.” Kelley said quietly.

“Yeah?” Ashlyn challenged.

“Yes, Ash.” The forward said seriously.

“And heartbreak never happens when it comes to love, huh?” The keeper challenged, again. “I’m not chastising you or telling you what to do, or that you’re doing something wrong. So, chill.”

Kelley relaxed.

“By the way, your college girl was in there making out with Leo.” Ash said with a grimace.

“WHAT??”

“Hey, it’s good to know that you’re not drunk anymore.” Ash smiled.

“Wait, what? H-How-What- Where is Tobin? Is she okay??” Kelley shook her head in disbelief.

“Dude. C’mon. You really think Tobs is going to be heartbroken about this? Really?”

“Well, shit. Is- Is Alex okay?” Kelley started to get into a panic.

“I’m sure Alex Morgan can handle shit.” Ash said with a smirk. “By the way...did you tell her?”

“I told her enough.” Kelley pushed.

The keeper opened her mouth to retort, but then reconsidered it. The complicated and complex relationship between Kelley O’Hara and Alex Morgan was something that she wasn’t about to get into right now.

Ash nodded.

  
  


~~

  
  


“Are you okay?” Christen asked quietly. 

She could see the blank face of Tobin as they sat on her deck with their knees bumping into each other.

“My mood is relevant to how you are, CP.” Tobin said with a chuckle. “Why are you mad at me?”

The forward laid her chin in her palm and tried to look deep down into what Tobin’s Heath soul and wondered what it looked like.  _ What does she think about all the time? What does heaven look like to her? A empty green field with white lines that have dictated her life? What has plagued the mind of Tobin Heath when she’s not juggling a soccer ball? _

“Let me ask you a question. What did it feel like seeing him with Mittens?” Christen asked.

“It felt....” She searched for the word.  _ What could possibly describe seeing your current boyfriend make out with the snake that Heather Mitts was? _

“It felt freeing.”

Christen nodded her head.

“It felt awesome.” Tobin continued. “It stung for like, two seconds, and then I realized that I didn’t have to put up with this anymore.”

“Put up with what?” Christen asked softly.

“Whatever it is that I’ve been doing.” Tobin said gently. She nodded to herself as she looked down. The realization and the answers to all of the questions buzzing in her brain at 4 am were starting to roll in.

“Which is?”

“I don’t know. Settling? That’s not the right word. He- he is great. Was. Was great. Now he deserves fucking Heather Mitts.” Tobin growled. “But I don’t know. It wasn’t....”

“Enough?” Christen chimed in.

“That’s a good word.” Tobin nodded thoughtfully as she crossed her arms to brace against the temperature. Christen’s parents were probably dead asleep, but it was good that they were out here on their porch, having this conversation. All of Tobin’s secrets and lies were starting to be spill out.

“Well what will be? Alex?’ Christen asked.

“That-that. Chris. That was just-. She was just being. That didn’t mean anything.” Tobin sputtered.

“Did you feel something?” The forward asked with interest.

“Um...”

Tobin squirmed. 

“Are you asking me- What are you asking me?”

Christen sighed. She decided that maybe this would be too much. For now. For tonight. She could see the timid way that Tobin was looking at her, and she remembered a time in which she may have felt the same way at some point in her life.

_ Not tonight, Christen. _

“Nothing.” She shook her head. “But, since we left that crazy party, do you want to head to bed, i’m pretty sure my mom won’t mind because she loves you, OR do you want to have hot chocolate with me?” Christen smirked.

Tobin’s face split in half with the huge grin on her face.

“Anything with the word chocolate in it sounds pretty dope to me.” Tobin said happily.

“You want to heat the water up since you know my kitchen better than me?” The forward asked. She smiled at herself when she saw Tobin jump up and quietly sneak into the house to go do just that.

_ She’s fragile. Just remember that. _

The forward crossed her arms and sat on her thoughts, her decisions, and her dilemmas.She didn’t want to think about seeing Alex’s widened eyes and her lips glossy with Tobin’s saliva, but the wind whistling and the leaves rustling were not loud enough to drown it out. Christen could be mad, but she couldn’t find the point. She knew why Alex had done it. What she didn’t know, was why she herself didn’t do it.

_ You’re scared, little girl. _

That admission, the way the voice in her head growled at her, and the first time that her psyche had called her a little girl, produced a bone-chilling effect in the darkness that had engulfed her out on this deck.

The only light out there was the one hanging above Coach Solo’s pool. She looked out at it, hoping that it could act as a beacon, because she was so lost in her misery.

_ Why couldn’t I be the one? Why am I scared? I’ve kissed a girl before. _

She continued to spin her mental wheels until she saw out of the corner of her eye, her coach’s front door open, and two figures emerge. The way their bodies were held close, and the small delighted squeal that had pierced through the air had intrigued Christen. She had seen her coach arriving home, or getting mail, every once in awhile, but she had never actually seen her with a girlfriend.

The forward felt her knees creak and the wood groan beneath her as she lifted herself up slowly to catch a glimpse of Olivia. The two blackened figures against the bright light of the pool light, embracing and canoodling made the girl question if she was about to see something totally X-rated. She creeped forward.

_ Oh shit. _

The forward could see the way the taller figure of her coach’s arm was furiously jerking back and forth, her hand not visible to Christen. She could hear pants and little muffled moans. She saw the way her coach had bent Olivia down onto the hood of her car, her palms faced down. Christen didn’t need to see every detail that was blocked out by the angle to know what her coach was doing as she kneeled close to the bumped of her car, her hands on her girlfriend’s hamstrings, and her face lost somewhere that made Christen bite her lip.

She heard a louder moan pierce through the cold.

_ Fuck me. Coach Solo is fucking.. _

Christen continued to watch. In reality, it’s not like she hadn’t thought about her coach in that way before. But seeing it happen right in front of her was mind boggling. It was strange to imagine that her coach, or any teacher for that matter, was an actual human being. One that could apparently fuck really good.

Olivia’s moans were starting to make Christen’s cheeks warm.

It was a dirty and private act that the forward felt strangely privileged to witness. It was like real-live porn that she knew she wasn’t supposed to be watching.  _ But when it happens right here. Twenty yards away, out in the open...  _ She didn’t feel guilty.

“Fuck, Hope.” She heard.

Christen felt a twig snap underneath her shoe. She felt the sound of the girl on the hood’s breath literally burn something in her. She felt the sensation of little needles pricking her all over her body. 

Because she could recognize that voice anywhere.

Whether she heard it on the field, in the classroom, over the phone, or muffled into the metal of Coach Solo’s car, Christen knew that voice.

It didn’t belong to a woman named Olivia.

  
  


~~

  
  


“Yeah, well you’re just a fucking slut who has no business being at a goddamn fucking high school party!” Alex yelled out at the girl who was walking down the street.

Everyone could see the middle finger that Heather had thrown into the air, but they all waved her off.

“That’s right! Fucking walk off!” Alex called again.

“Hey. It’s okay. She’s not coming back.” Kelley said as she pulled Alex back and into the house.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Alex asked with a furrowed brow.

“I-I”

“And where did your normal clothes go?”

“Can we-”

“Alex.” Ash called out. “Let’s clear everyone out. It’s overdue dude.”

Kelley sighed in relief.

Alex narrowed her eyes.

  
  


~~

  
  


“What the fuck are you doing?” Hope asked through her rolled down window.

The sight of Heather Mitts with a bloodied lip and frazzled, strung out hair, and no shoes at 3 in the morning was definitely a sight that she couldn’t ignore. The older woman had the college girl from around the corner when she had been sitting in her car, thinking about the night that she had just spent with Kelley.  She watched the girl go down the few houses and turn the corner, but she didn’t dare shift that gear from park to drive. She needed that time to think.

Those thoughts went interrupted though at the sight of a former student of hers, who looked like she had been thrown around a little bit.

“Oh fuck off, Coach. What are you even doing here?” Heather spat. She continued to walk as Hope’s .5 mph speed creeped alongside the girl.

“The better question is: Are you okay? You look...pretty...bad.” The concern was genuine. Because the sight of any girl looking like this in the middle of the night almost always came with a story. And regardless of how she felt about Heather Mitts, she hoped that that story wasn’t what she thought it was.

“Oh don’t be concerned, Hopey.” Heather said sarcastically. “I’m fucking fine.”

“Do you need a ride?” Hope asked.

“What kind of ride?” Heather stopped in her tracks and bit her lip as her eyes trailed all over Hope’s face.

“Knock it off.” The older woman rolled her eyes. “Just get in.”

“I can walk.” Heather said as she continued her strides. “Plus, that would be inappropriate since you used to be a teacher of mine, wouldn’t that Solo?”

The girl smirked. “Or is that something that you like to bend the rules on?”

The car jerked forward as Hope slammed on the brakes, ripped the gear shift so hard into its park position and then darted around the front of the car before Heather could step farther away. She pinned the girl up against her car.

“Ooo. I like where this is going.” Heather said as her former coach looked down at her.

“What the fuck are you playing at?” Hope growled. Heather’s smirk only wavered a little as she tried to break her wrists free from Hope’s strong grip.

“What do you think I mean, Solo?” The girl challenged. The panic started to grow. But she kept it under wraps.

“I want you to quit. Your. Shit.” Hope said. She let go of her hands.

“Why Solo? Do you really want me to? We both know that you’re going to cheat on that girlfriend of yours. If you haven’t already.” Heather licked her lips. “But knowing you, you probably already have.”

“You’re not a student of mine anymore, so I don’t feel guilty for saying ‘fuck you.’” Hope spat.

“Oh,  _ fucking gladly.  _ I heard what you did to the whole soccer team at Tech when you had that fiancee. I heard you can really make them cum.” Heather breathed out as she pulled Hope closer by the waistband.

“You don’t know shit.” Hope weakly defended. She didn't want to think about how Heather had gotten that piece of information, and how much she had known of her past. How easy it was to learn these things. Did Kelley know?

“I don’t.” Heather said as she got on her tiptoes and whispered into the woman’s ear, “but I do know how good you can make a girl.”

Hope felt Heather’s fingers unbutton her jeans. She glared at the girl who was still smirking at her.

“We both know you’re too good not to be shared.” Heather whispered. The older woman put her head in her hands when she felt a hand slide over her underwear. Those images of Heather with a ball gag in her mouth and her own two fingers inside of the girl were starting to resurface.

“And we both know that all you want to do it split me in half with those strong goalkeeper hands. I see it on your face every time, so just fucking do it.” Heather whispered as her lips hovered dangerously around the woman’s neck.

Having someone else’s hand hovering right there where her zipper was, could always make Hope’s mind get muddled for a second. She knew what Heather was doing, and if she hadn’t have fallen in love, then there was a 100% chance that she would have indulged.

But she had fallen in love.

She slowly grabbed Heather’s hand out of her jeans, pulled up her zipper, and then fastened the button.

"Oh, c'mon that's no fun!" Heather said with a glint in her eye. "I've been on the receiving end of your teaching. I know what you could do to me."

“You’re something else, Mitts.” Hope said. She had no clue what this girl was going to say next.

The girl smiled and laughed.

“No, I’m just you.” The girl threw back.

“Oh fuck no.” The woman chuckled.

“Oh please!” Heather waved off. “You’re a cheater, and a sex fiend. Who happens to be good at soccer.”

“That’s you.” Hope said simply. “And don’t you have a girlfriend? Yet your hand is down  _ my pants? _ ”

“Oh yeah. You’re right.” Heather nodded. “But, don’t you have a girlfriend? Yet you’re letting me put my hand down your pants?”

The soccer coach clenched her jaw as Heather laughed and started walking away. She really regretted not pummeling the girl where it would have satisfied the woman.

“Don’t ever fucking compare yourself to me, Mitts.” Hope called out. “Okay? You’re the one with a girlfriend who you’re no doubtedly fucking up with your psychotic fucking brain.”

She watched as Heather doubled over in laughter and clapped her hands in joy.

“Are you talking about O’Hara??” She squawked out in delight. “You FUCKING kill me, Solo. I like it.” 

Her laughter died down immediately.

“Did you say  _ my girlfriend?  _ Or..”

Hope felt her hands slacken. And she didn’t quite notice the street lamps that had illuminated them two in this empty street, but in this moment, it was ever-present as it shone light on the creepiness and predatory way Heather Mitts smirked. 

“Did you mean  _ your  _ girlfriend?”

 

 

 

~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Wretched


	11. No Religion Can Save You from Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know, Ash. I’m about done with this school, with this year, with fucking boys, with Kelley, and with you.” The forward said resolutely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like......
> 
> I would apologize for the long time that I haven't updated, but then I'd have to apologize all the time....no thank you.
> 
> I'll edit later!

Kelley had eventually drifted to sleep with the soft cotton of the coveted Reign shirt that was clinging to her body and her heart, and her arms lazily wrapped around Alex’s glittery halter top.

 

It may have been six in the morning when her eyes had closed and the world had shut off, with a lot of her teammates passed out in the living room. She had survived the barrage of questions on her whereabouts from Alex and had tired her best friend out by asking her to retell the events of the night. They all had opted to sleep amongst the empty beer cans and red solo cups that a bunch of teenagers had left behind as they shuffled out, having no regard for the destruction they usually waged.

 

She could see the way Alex's eyelids dropped as she talked about Leo and the way he seemed to have been looking for Tobin. Kelley wanted to blame it on the exhaustion that was settling in, but she knew that wasn't the only explanation. She decided not to give Alex pity. Her best friend never ever wanted pity.

 

It was through mascara smeared eyes, a blinding headache, and a mouth that tasted like disgusting morning that she had been jerked away at the sensation of something buzzing on the side of her. Her body was a second behind her mind as she fumbled around half-closed eyes for the phone that had gotten lost in the sheets in between her and Alex’s sleeping bodies.

 

“What?” She groaned into the speaker. She didn’t lower her voice because there was a zero percent chance in the offseason of cross country that Alex would wake up anytime before 9 am.

 

“What?” She asked again, but this time, the sound and message of Erin’s voice through the speaker had made captured her attention. This time, she had sat up straight. She looked down at the floor to see that the rest of her teammates, Ash, Crystal, and Julie were still asleep and snuggled up into their respective pillows.

 

“Is she..is she okay?”

 

Really, Kelley didn’t want to know. She was torn between the elation that Hope had actually followed through, and the guilt that she was the cause of devastation. The girl couldn’t imagine the way that Olivia must have looked, how she must have felt, the state of being that she must have been for Erin to call Kelley so panicked.

 

“She’s a mess dude. What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to kick your coach’s ass? This is new territory for me. I can’t fucking handle!” Erin said fervently.

 

“Did..What did Olivia say that happened?” Kelley asked hesitantly. She gripped the sides of a sleeping Alex as she waited out the loaded pause that her sister had held over the line.

 

“Umm. Yeah.” Erin's hesitant voice filled the speaker. “That's why I called you...”

 

“Why?” Kelley felt the her heart beat in her throats and her stomach rile up.

 

“So... Liv said that Hope had been super fucking-i don't know, she was wigged out about something. Said she looked so shaken- like she was fucking on something. Claiming that she had slept with someone that night...”

 

“Okay....” Kelley was about to lose her shit.

 

“Kell...I-” Erin sighed. “I need to ask you something. And...I'm kind of fucking- I don't- I...”

 

Kelley closed her eyes at the impending doom. The explosion that was to become.

 

“I don't know how to say o-or ask or bring this up.” Erin said defeatedly.

 

“Then don't.” Kelley whispered quickly.

 

_Please don't._

 

“Kell.....” the girl closed her eyes, not wanting this to be real life.

 

“Hope said that she had slept with Mitts last night.”

  
  
  
  


~~

  
  
  
  


“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?” Alex smacked her tongue around her mouth to get rid of the awful taste of a drunken broken heart and a raging hangover of the adrenaline from the night before.

 

“Al. It's fine.” Ashlyn said calmly. She held out her hand to her friend while Crystal and Julie and looked on with widened morning eyes that were not ready for the continuation of last nights dramatics. Their brains hadn't quite caught up with Alex’s loud and frustrated voice jarring them from their depths of their uneasy sleep.

 

“IT'S NOT FINE, ASH! Why does she-” Alex scurried off of her bed and jammed her feet into her slippers.

 

“Why does Kelley do this shit?! She knows my parents will be here later today and she left us here to pick up all the mess! And then she takes my car?!?” The rage was palpable. Alex made to leave, but turned around to face them, because she wasn't finished, “Why do I put up with this??”

 

Ashlyn sighed. She met the girls’ eyes before she answered the question.

 

“Because she's your best friend.” She said quietly.

 

“No! I'm fucking done! She leaves this fucking mess for all of us to clean up! This is so fucking typical Kelley! I have other shit to deal with!” Alex rolled her eyes.

 

“Yet somehow you've been friends with her for this long...?” Crystal asked with a smirk. Her expression was to lighten Alex’s mood, but she knew that endeavor was futile.

 

“Yeah, you're right Crys. I need to cut this off.” Alex said quickly.

 

“Stop being dramatic.” Ashlyn waved her off.

 

“No fuck you!” Alex retorted. “Why am I the only one who is pissed about this?!?”

 

“Hey, it's not my house.” JJ said simply as she nestled back into her pillow.

 

“You should be used to this.” Ash said quietly.

 

“I'm not going to get used to this any fucking more. Okay? I don't need a friend who constantly bails on me anyways and keeps fucking secrets from me! I'm tired of having to clean up after her!

 

There it was. That was it. Alex sighed. She had held that in for a while.

  


Ash decided to tread carefully. She slowly opened her mouth and proceeded with deliberation.

 

“Alex...you sacrifice 75% of your time cleaning up after Kelley’s messes. No one can refute that.” Ash said reassuringly.

 

“But Kelley sacrificed 100% of herself to clean up your mess.” The keeper said darkly.

 

Crystal coughed into her elbow, while JJ looked away in discomfort, because Alex's rage was seconds away from exploding. The two couldn't get away from the blast.

 

“That was a LONG time ago.” Alex said through her clenched teeth.

 

“I know.” Ash offered quickly. She could feel the tension settled in her friend’s muscles. “I'm not saying it excuses her-

 

“Good! Cause it fucking doesn't!” Alex was about to punch a hole in the wall.

 

“I'm just saying that Kelley is a fucking mess t-that I don't know why we put up with it, but we do! And she loves you so much! And she cares about you and what you think about her and she fucking dies inside at the thought of disappointing you!”

 

“Then why does she do it? Why does she disappoint me OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN?”

 

“Because.” Ash said quietly. “She loves you. And you love her. And she's gonna fuck up because she's human!

 

“How can I love someone who will, and ALWAYS will be too _fucking_ messed up to treat me right and love me?”

 

It was silent in this messy Morgan house as the two looked at each other. Hard.

 

“Don't do that.” Ash said quietly. “You two are fuckin- you two are Kelley and Alex! Two peas in a pod. You guys are-are-”

 

“Stop. I'm fucking done.” Alex said defeatedly.  “I've been let down too many fucking times by Kelley.”

 

She turned around to make her way downstairs to clean the mess. Like always.

  
  
  
  


~~

  
  
  


She could see Hope’s muscles bulge through her skin as Kelley looked inside at the home gym wing of Hope’s house where the loud and angry and rap music was blaring.

 

Kelley had seen Hope work out before, but she had never seen Hope absolutely drenched in sweat and in just a sports bra. For a second, the girl had forgotten about the way her hands shook as the rage coursed through her veins on the drive over. The sight of Hope's body could do that to you.

 

She continued to look in, frozen in her spot. Her small figure was a large enough presence for Hope Solo, though.

 

Hope looked up when she felt the sweaty hairs on the back of her neck rise. She paused mid curl with the heavy weight in her hand when she saw Kelley's eyes.

 

Hope slowly put down the weight and walked over the speaker and turned down the volume.

 

Kelley put her guard up when and she took a few steps back when the woman had closed the space in between them.

 

She could be help but to give into the aggressive kiss that Hope had planted right in the lips with no apologies and no regard for Kelley's obvious initial unease.

 

For Kelley it wasn't that she was sweaty, because the idea of being underneath Hope’s shiny skin was almost everything she wanted; it wasn't that she was being crushed by the force of Hope’s desperate lips and her fervent hands all over her the girl's body.

 

She loved Hope’s tongue. She loved Hope’s strong arms around her. She wished that right now her mind would let her enjoy the fact that Hope’s adrenaline was about to fuck her silly.

 

But she couldn't.

 

“Wait.” Kelley managed to put a speed bump in path of Hope’s vicious spree.  But it was just a speed bump, and quickly Hope resumed when Kelley had failed to push her away.

 

“Hope.” Kelley pulled her lips away, but the woman’s eager mouth found the skin on Kelley’s neck and chest.

 

“Hope. Please stop. I want to talk to you.” Kelley said weakly.

 

“About what?” Hope asked distractedly. She wasn't the least but interested in talking and her touches were desperate. They were clinging. Clawing. Kelley couldn't tell for what, but if she let this go on any longer, she would have just given it all. Nothing left to keep.

 

“Stop.”

 

She pushed Hope away, not roughly, but not gently. It was enough to tear Hope out from whatever state she was in and looked dazed confused.

 

Hope was breathing heavy.

 

“What did you do last night after you dropped me off?” Kelley said as she touched her bruised and wet lips.

 

Hope didn't want to answer that. Kelley could tell by the way she completely dodged the question and roped Kelley in again for a kiss.

 

‘Look at me.” Kelley  said when she had managed to hold Hope at bay.

 

“Answer my question.” Kelley pleaded. She grabbed Hope’s hand to spin her around to face her again.

 

“I did what I said I was gonna do. We are done.” Hope said quietly as she wiped the sweat from her brow and slowly, hesitantly, and guardedly looked back up at Kelley.

 

“And how did you break it off?” Kelley demanded.

 

“I told her the truth.” Hope said when she looked down at her feet.

 

Kelley looked straight at her.

“What’s the fucking truth?” Kelley spat.

 

“That I...” Hope met her eyes. It stung.

 

“I slept with someone else.”

 

“Who?” The keys in Kelley’s hands shook as her hands vibrated with rage.

 

“You.” Hope said with a confused look.

 

“Who does she think you slept with?”

 

The girl watched as Hope found focus on a spot on a ground.

 

“Why does she think it’s her...?” Kelley asked ever so slowly. They both knew that Kelley knew, that she wouldn’t have been standing so fiercely in front of her if it wasn’t the case.It was like she didn’t want the question to leave her mouth. Maybe if she kept the knowledge to herself, if she barreled it down into the depths of her mind, that maybe she could will it a lie.

 

“Are you fucking-” Kelley couldn’t finish her sentence.

 

“I ran into Mitts last night.” Hope said quietly. The woman walked over to her t-shirt laying on a hook on the side of all of the gym equipment, threw it on, and then reluctantly faced Kelley.

 

“Did you sleep with her?” Kelley searched Hope’s face.

 

“No!” The woman shook her head, but there was more to the story. The way she held Kelley’s stare and begged for understanding was making Kelley itch.

 

“She um...she tried to.” Hope whispered. She looped her finger around the loops of Kelley’s jeans. “Just like she used to.”

 

“What?”

 

Kelley may have forgotten how to breath in that very moment.

 

“Your girlfriend and I-”

 

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Kelley said with flared nostrils and eyes that could burn holes through Hope’s heart.

 

“Who is your girlfriend?” Hope asked tiredly and with narrowed eyes.

 

“Wh-what do you-” Kelley’s heart broke.

 

“Who is your girlfriend?” Hope asked again. A little more fiercely this time. “Because Heather spent the whole night talking about how you and her-”

 

Hope took a deep breath.

 

“It’s either this is a thing or it’s not. I don’t want to compete against fucking Heather Mitts, and kiss you in the hallways if I’m just going to be the second girl.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Kelley asked. The direction of this conversation was unprecedented, and now she felt like she was parked in a ditch.

 

“I spent like two hours listening to Heather talk about the plans you guys made to live with each other in California after high school a-a-and how you guys spent the whole birthday party just...”

 

“That’s all a lie!” Kelley spat. “I haven’t even-where is she coming up with this?! Hope I-I-I haven’t even called her my girlfriend. I’ve never talked to her about California and Stanford!”

 

“What?”

 

“She’s making that shit up!” Kelley threw her hands up.

 

Hope let the realization sink in.

 

“Did you actually believe her?!” Kelley’s frustration was boiling. The girl scoffed at the lack of response.

 

“What she said just made sense.” Hope whispered.

 

“How?! I just spent the last three years on my knees declaring my love for you! Are you a fucking idiot, Hope? And why did you tell Olivia that you slept with her?? Is that true??”

 

“It’s not true.” Hope said quietly, yet simply.

 

“Then why did you use her name?”

  
  
  
  


~~

  
  
  


“No religion can save you from me.” Christen whispered as she stroked Tobin’s cheek and quivering chin as the sunlight poured onto their lying figures on the forward’s bed.

 

“You can run away now, you can run away when we graduate, but God isn’t gonna change how I feel about you in this moment.”

 

Tobin felt like maybe this was too much. Too much goodness. Last night was a barrage of emotions forbidden and new when she had Alex on her lap and her tongue in her mouth, but this morning felt like an attack on her heart.

 

“I know that I’m overwhelming you.” Christen nervously chuckled. “But I didn’t sleep last night. Mostly because I didn’t want to scare you away. Which...I’m sure I’m doing now...”

 

Tobin’s heavy breathing flowed between them, and the sudden sensation of Christen’s top half suddenly being pressed against her exploded her insides.

 

“I’m going to kiss you.” Christen said definitively. “But if you don’t want me to-”

 

“I want you to.”

 

It came out of nowhere. Or maybe from everywhere. But Tobin couldn't quite believe that had come from her own mouth.

 

“Are you sure?” Christen gulped. So did Tobin.

 

Because in this moment, with the morning spilling in, and the exhaustion from the insomnia making her shake,Christen knew that she couldn’t take back the last 45 seconds. This sudden outburst, declaration, or exhaustion induced bravery, was starting to grind her down to her bones.

 

“I know that..you went through a lot.” Christen’s red tinged eyes kept searching Tobin’s face. “I just feel like I don’t want to keep pushing you onto someone else. Because I think I’ve been doing that.”

 

“What do you mean?” Tobin asked.

 

“I..I want you to be happy, Tobs. So whomever makes you happy...I want that for you.” Christen said gently.

 

“So can you just...kiss me?” Tobin asked ever so quietly.

 

Christen gripped the ends of her pillowcase that was trapped underneath Tobin’s head and went in for the kill.

  
  
  


~~

  
  


“So what was Ash talking about?” Julie whispered fiercely into Crystal’s ear when she dropped a red plastic cup into the big trash bag that Crystal had been lugging around the yard.

 

“What?” Crystal asked as she threw 50 or so plastic plates and what appeared to be a girl’s underwear into her bag.

 

“Alex? That shit Ash said? What was she talking about when she said that KO has made 100% sacrifices or whatever?” JJ pushed.

 

“Oh! Yeah that shit happened like 2 years ago or something!” Crystal waved off.

 

“What shit??” Julie pushed even harder.

 

“That shit with HAO.” Crystal said simply.

 

The defender grabbed the bag from Crystal’s hand to get her attention.

 

“Spill.”

  
  
  
  


~~

  
  
  


“Al, come on.” Ash said with tired eyes.

 

“You know, Ash. I’m about done with this school, with this year, with f-fucking boys, with Kelley, and with you.” The forward said resolutely.

 

“I didn’t do anything.” Ash rolled her eyes.

 

“You picked sides.”

 

“You’re both my friends. And I’m not fucking picking sides Morgan! Get off your fucking high horse, I’m just telling you to come back to Earth and join us!”

 

“You know what...” Alex swung the ring of Tobin’s keys on her finger and shot Ashlyn Harris one last look. One filled with finality and bridges to be burned. “Christen needs me. And I’d rather be anywhere but here.”

 

“This is your house.” Ashlyn shrugged.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Alex opened the door to Tobin’s car and paused before she hopped in.

 

“You better not be here when I get back.”

  
  
  
  


~~

  
  
  
  


Kelley felt the short bermuda grass in between her toes and the cool chilly air that whipped her hair wildly as her shoes laid tossed a good distance away.From the moment she had seen this place, she was in awe of the seclusion and the vastness of it all. She couldn’t quite wrap her head around the fact that this piece of Earth existed in Peachtree. No lines were drawn, but the big goals seemed to be spaced 120 yards apart.

 

The little river of clear, blue water, another thing that Kelley didn’t know existed in Peachtree, bubbled through the grand trees that hid them in this beautiful slice of the globe that apparently had a title that belonged to a Hope Amelia Solo.

 

“Why am I here?” Kelley asked quietly as she slid back on the hood of another one of Hope’s expensive cars and stared at the middle of the goal net.

 

“Got somewhere else to be?” Hope asked with a smirk she sent Kelley’s way as she untangled some strings from a tin box that the woman had pulled out from somewhere in this cabin that looked too big for it to be considered ‘roughing it’ out here in nature.

 

“I got school.” Kelley said with a smile.

 

“Yeah, I’m sure all of my team is going to be at school after this intense party that Alex Morgan may or may have not held in your honor.” Hope shook her head as she chuckled.

 

“Hey! I would have shown up if you didn’t kidnap me and make me fish! Plus aren’t you going to get in some sort of teacher trouble for not showing up?”

 

“I’m Hope Solo. I’m always a breath away from trouble.”

 

Kelley could register the darkness in that statement, the one that blackened Hope’s eyes even through the masking chuckle. The girl opted to change to subject.

 

“Why are we doing this?” Kelley said as she wrapped her small arms around Hope’s waist from behind and nuzzled her head underneath Hope’s occupied arms, to watch as the woman tied some hooks to the end.

 

“We are fishing. And you’re going to like it.” Hope smirked.

 

“That sounds like the most boring-”

 

She couldn’t quite finish expressing her sentiment, because, quite opposite from this morning, her coach was gently kissing her lips. Gently shutting her up.

 

“When you get to my age, you’ll appreciate the quiet.” Hope said softly as she brushed a stray hair from Kelley’s face.

 

“So in like a million years?”

 

“Precisely.” Hope said before she grabbed the two rods and made her way to the mouth of the little river. “C’mon. I want you to come see the rest of ‘Pike Place.”

 

Hope had the years and the disposition to sit still for hours on end while she casted her line and her problems out over the water, but for Kelley it was different. She was this ball of energy that fidgeted with the line and managed to get it all tangled up. She abandoned the quest to compete with Hope on who could catch more largemouth bass. Instead, she occupied the space in between the woman’s legs while she sat on a three legged stool by the bank.

 

It was peaceful for both of them after a time had passed. The air smelled sweet and the sound of the water was relaxing. Kelley had her elbows on Hope’s knees and her butt on the ground as she melted into the orbit of Hope Solo’s touch.

 

“So you really own this place?” Kelley asked after an hour of easy silence.

 

“Yes mam.” Hope said as she reeled her line back in.

 

“Who knows of this place? How rich are you, Hope?” Kelley asked seriously. She didn’t turn to look at her, but she leaned back even more into the warmth of Hope.

 

“Only myself and the clerk who filed my papers with the State of Georgia know, I guess. And not so much.” Hope said simply.

 

“Oh please!” Kelley  jumped to her feet and then planted herself onto the woman’s lap. “Don’t bullshit me.”

 

“I get by.” Hope said before she planted kisses on Kelley’s pouting lips. The girl could hear the sound of the rod hit the floor before she felt Hope’s hands readjust her small legs and then cup her face so that the woman could guide her closer.

 

“You’re full of mystery.” Kelley whispered. She stroked her coach’s cheek.

 

“Well, I have a past.” Hope said as she ran her tongue along her teeth and calculated the girl’s reaction.

 

“Tell me.” Kelley pushed gently.

 

“I don’t know about that.” The soccer coach said as she brought Kelley’s hands into her own and played with her fingers, just to fill the nervous energy with an outlet, a task.

 

“Do you love me?”

 

It was the softest question, one that had bared everything that Kelley O’Hara could give.

 

Hope found refuge in the crook of Kelley’s neck and wrapped her arms around the girl’s small body. She thought long and hard about what she wanted to say.

 

Long enough to make Kelley almost regret.

 

Almost.

 

“I’ve been engaged.” Hope said into Kelley’s neck. “But I’ve never met someone that made me realize the sacrifices that I’d be willing to make just to be with them. Not until I met you.”

 

The woman put her head up.

 

“I love you.”

 

It was Kelley’s turn to hide her face into the confines of the crook of Hope’s neck. She clung on for dear life because if she felt like she was falling before, it was nothing compared to the rush of oxytocin that had just been injected into her veins.

 

“That’s all I fucking want.” Kelley’s tears and voice were muffled into her Hope’s shirt.

 

Hope held her for a long time. It felt like it was a long enough for the river to run dry, before Hope whispered,

 

“But there are things you have to know about me.”

  
  
  


~~

  
  
  
  


“It’s kinda like a big secret.” Crystal said with a smirk.

 

“Fucking tell me right now, Dunn! I’m fucking tired of this shit! Just tell me!”

 

“Fine! Chill.” Crystal said as she looked ahead onto the road and turned left onto JJ’s street.

“Well, you know how Al and Kell live together, right?”

 

JJ nodded.

 

“Ever wondered...why?”

 

“Well, of course! But They’ve been living together since I got to High school so it wasn’t really a big deal, and hasn’t been!”

 

“Well, anyways. Like, Alex struggles in school sometimes. Like she gets A’s and B’s and stuff, but girls has to study like 24/7 sometimes, just to get like an 87 on a test, ya feel? So like, total opposite of golden child KO who basically touches something and she makes it into gold or at least an A+”

 

“True, true.” JJ nodded along.

 

“So, I don’t know, it was like algebra or something. They had HAO in a class together and there was this big test or something that was going to determine if Alex was going to pass or not. And Al studied and studied but she was going mental! Like driving herself crazy cause she kept saying she didn’t know the stuff. Anyways, Al gets the test answers from some random kid and she cheats.”

 

“Baby High Horse Alex Morgan?” Julie seemed truly taken aback.

 

“Mmmhmm. Miss Perfect cheats. And HAO totally busts her because Al dropped the piece of paper with all of the answer on it somewhere on the floor and HAO sees it.”

 

“Shit.”

 

“Right? But the funny thing is that the paper lands somewhere in between Kelley and Alex’s desk, and KO, our homegirl takes the fall for it. But that shit totally isn’t believable because HAO knows that Kelley has no reason to cheat. And like, Al is a horrible liar.”

 

“Yep.” JJ nodded along.

 

“Anyways, HAO pulls them aside and basically resorts to not telling on them, but telling their parents. Because I think that technically they hadn’t have started the test or something weird like that, but yeah.”

 

“So what does that have to do with Kelley living with Al?” JJ asked when Crystal had parked in front of her house.

 

“Oh yeah! Well Ash told me that KO’s parents freaked and were like ‘You’re ruining your chances at Stanford’ and of course KO decided to be a little shit about it and just got into an argument. She never told them that it wasn’t her that cheated. And her temper is legendary so apparently that’s what happened before KO moved in.”

 

“Well....fuck.”

  
  
  
  


~~

  
  
  


Tobin watched as Leo pushed the net through the gritty water through her coach’s pool.

 

“Did you go to school today?” Leo asked cautiously. He knew damn well that none of the soccer girls did.

 

“Nope.” Tobin said with her hands in her pocket and her mind ready to attack him at any second. “Why are you at Coach Solo’s house...cleaning her pool?”

 

“It’s one of my jobs.” Leo said simply. “Don’t worry I’m not stalking you and Christen.”

 

Tobin scoffed.

 

“Whatever. I only agreed to come just so that I could tell you that we’re over. And that I hope you had fun with Heather Mittens.” Tobin sneered.

 

Leo put his head down.

 

“I’m just so fucking done with you.” Tobin said with disgust.

 

“You were done with a long time ago. Just be honest about that.” He said after a long pause.

  
  
  
  


~~

  
  
  


“Hey.”

 

“Hey.”

 

Alex fumbled with an apology, and Christen fumbled with a reassurance. Christen was never going to be ready to deal with Alex Morgan as the third leg for a love triangle, and Alex was never going to be prepared to live with the guilt of making _one_ of the biggest transgressions in her life thus far. So they bit down and just gave each other what they needed, hoping that time could dull the sting, or the regret, of what happened on the night of Kelley’s birthday.

 

“But you know, that’s not why I told you to come over.” Christen said as she shook her head.

 

“Oh? Well I see that Toby is talking to man whore over there.” Alex said as they both observed from afar, the two figures that were standing far apart on the deck of Christen’s neighbor’s pool.

 

“Yeah, he asked if she could talk. Anyways, I wanted to talk to you about something I saw last night....” Christen trailed off.

 

“What did you see...?” Alex asked curiously.

 

“I saw Kelley..and...”

  
  
  
  


~~

  
  


_Cheater._

 

That wasn’t a brand that Kelley had hoped her new girlfriend would be known for. Of course, her coach had cheated on Olivia, but the girl had figured in her head that she would be the _one and only_ acceptable mistake in Hope’s life. She was wrong.

 

“I can’t undo any of that. Nor can I give you an excuse that would ease your mind.” Hope said softly.

 

“How many girls have you slept with?” Kelley asked, her face too crestfallen, and too heartbroken.

 

“I don’t- I don’t know, Little one.” Hope said with utter resignation. She watched with heavy-weighted eyes from the doorway as Kelley paced the deck of the outdoor cabin. The sun was down, and the crickets were chirping, the Earth was starting to relax. But not Hope.

 

“So you cheated on your fiancee?”

 

“I did.”

 

“And you cheated on Olivia.”

 

“I did.”

 

“...Did you cheat on me last night?”

  
  
  
  


~~

  
  
  
  


_“Did you mean your girlfriend?”_

 

_Hope felt like maybe the universe was expanding or shrinking, she didn’t know how this working, but she could feel her whole body being shoved into tiny imaginary compartments as the world seemed to be closing in on her._

 

_“What?” She sputtered. Her face was full of venom, just enough to hide the chill that had run down her spine at those words of Heather Mitts._

 

_“You heard me, Hope. Did you mean your girlfriend?”_

 

_“She’s not my girlfriend.” Hope pushed. “Why are you- you’re so fucking messed up, Mitts.”_

 

_“Yeah, totally. I’m the messed up one, and you’re totally chill when you sleep with students!” Heather said as she slithered her way back into Hope’s gravitational pull._

 

_“Why are you spreading lies?” Hope shook her head. It was a facade even she needed to believe._

 

_“Hey, Solo, why not let me put my hand down your pants? Please..” Heather begged and begged like it was the cum shot scene of some porno._

 

_“Stop.” Hope said as she swatted Heather’s hands._

 

_“Don’t hide from me.” Heather whispered slowly._

 

_The hairs on Hope’s neck went up._

 

_“I want to do things to you.”_

 

_The woman quickly jumped back and her eyes rapidly searched for the a way to get out of this. She was trapped. Heather had her._

 

_“Sound familiar, Solo?” Heather smirked, dangerously._

 

_“Fuck off.” Hope wagged her finger at the girl and she didn’t know what was holding her back from crushing her into pieces._

 

_“Why didn’t you ever fuck me when you had the chance? Geez, I would have bent over that desk if you had told me to. Before practice, after practice...” Hope watched with caution and Heather trailed her finger down her stomach. “During...”_

 

_“Why did it have to be the student that I happen to be banging too?” Heather playfully pouted._

 

_“This isn’t a fucking joke.” Hope growled._

 

_“You’re right. Teachers who fuck students in a movie theater is serious fucking business.” Heather nodded._

 

_“Play your fucking hand, Mittens. Now.” Hope said through clenched teeth._

 

_The girl laughed devilishly._

 

_“I like it when your order me around.” She pressed her body up against the woman. “Fine. Fuck me until this goes away.”_

 

_“What?” Hope was in disbelief._

 

_“Fuck. Me. If you want this to go way.” Heather said simply._

 

_The soccer coach was starting to panic. Having her life, her future, in Heather Mitts’ hands could only spell doom._

 

_“From what I hear, you get fucked enough.” Hope said to delay the ultimatum that had been put on the table._

 

_“Oh yeah? You know about Kelley and I?”_

 

_“No.” Hope said quickly and disgustedly._

 

_“Well, let me fucking tell you.”_

  
  
  
  


_~~_

  
  
  
  


“How do you know she won’t tell anyone?” Kelley said as she sat close in Hope’s one armed- hold around her as they watched the streetlights zoom past their vision on the freeway.

 

“I don’t think she will. She seemed pretty wasted and by the time I had dropped her off, she had rolled her eyes at me and agreed not to.” Hope said gravelly.

 

“All because you said I would face backlash for it??” Kelley asked in disbelief. “Heather doesn’t give two shits about anybody...why...that doesn't’ make sense.”

 

“I may have bought her off.” Hope said with a grimace.

  
  
  
  


~~

  
  
  
  


“I really want you.” Hope whispered into the silence of the cab of her car. The car was in park and the tension was thick.

 

“This is too much.” Kelley said, exhausted.

 

Hope felt like she was about to cry. Those were the same exact words that Sasha had said to her before she had moved out of the house. The woman was starting to regret being as open as she had been. It was too much all at once. It was something she should have eased into.

 

“I have.. Yeah, I have a lot of shit. I’m sorry. I- I’ll take you to Alex’s, I’m sorry.”

 

_So fucking stupid. I shouldn’t have taken her there. I shouldn’t have done this. I shouldn’t have done ANY of it. I shouldn’t have her here with me._

 

“No.” Kelley said quietly.

 

Hope paused when she had made to move their gear shift.

 

“Take me to your place.” the girl said after a long pause of silence.

 

“Are you sure?” Hope whispered.

 

“Help me?” Kelley asked when she had put her head back into the headrest.

 

“Help me figure out how to get through this? Because I’m so fucking hurt and I’m still so fucking in love with you. I need to figure out how to figure out how make sense of this mess.”

 

“So do I.” Hope said sadly.

  
  
  
  


~~

  
  
 

They had a bruised start. There was no denying that.

 

“I know, I’m not perfect. AndI won’t be.” Hope whispered into her ear when they laid down, their arms and legs tangled together after an hour of orgasms.

 

“I’m sorry.” Hope said sadly. “I just want to be with you.”

 

“When did you buy Pike Place?” Kelley asked as she drew little circles on Hope’s rusty shoulder. The woman appreciated the sensation on the body part that failed her. And she knew that Kelley's mind was not the the state to ponder, but to settle. The girl wasn't looking for more time to talk about the baggage they both brought to this relationship. Hope decided that it would be let go for now.

 

“Mm. Awhile back. Why?”

 

“Did you buy it when you were still with..her?”

 

“Umm..yeah.” Hope said quietly.

 

“And she didn’t know that you had purchased this huge sum of land?” Kelley asked. The more she learned, the more she was intrigued.

 

“Nope.” Hope said sadly.

 

“So..me and the clerk are really the only ones that knows that it exists?” Kelley asked hesitantly.

 

The small smile that Hope had shot her way, and the hand she felt on her cheek answered that question.

 

“So since we’re asking the hard questions..Do I get to ask one?” Hope decided to gamble on the luck she almost always had.  

 

“Sure!” Kelley squirmed with delight.

 

“Why..” Hope looked straight in the girl’s eyes, “Why are you living with Alex and not your mom and dad?”

 

She could see the automatic rigidness of her girlfriend’s body. There was a push and pull as Kelley resisted and resisted to opening up. The woman backed off.

 

“You don’t have to tell me, if you’re not ready. I understand.” Hope nodded.

 

“It’s not that I’m not ready. It’s that I’m not sure if you’re ready.” The girl said darkly.

 

“Have faith in me.” The coach whispered.

 

Kelley heaved a sighed.

 

“Nobody knows. Except Alex and Erin.” The girl shook her head. “People think it’s because I got in trouble for that stuff that happened with the answers to HAO’s test.”

 

“I remember that.” Hope nodded.

 

“That’s not it, though.” Kelley said gently.

  
  
  


~~

  


 

Driving back in Alex’s car had jolted Kelley out of her deadened silence and and the trance she had been in. Making love to Hope in her own bed in Peachtree felt wonderful. She didn’t have to feel the not so soft sheets of the guest bed, and the feeling of inadequacy whenever Hope carted her off into the night in secrecy.

 

One minute, she was kissing Hope so passionately that the car windows had fogged up with their lust of goodbyes, and the next she was pressing down on the lever of Alex’s car to launch the blinker as she turned on the street that the Morgan’s had lived on.

 

Something about pressing down on it had jogged the thought that she had hijacked her best friend’s vehicle for the whole day.

 

_Fuck...._

 

She had completely forgotten the real world.

 

When she had pulled into the driveway full of cars, Kelley could see Alex sitting on her porch, waiting for her.

 

_Shit...._

 

And when she had slowly gotten out of the car and took a deep breath to face the wrath of Alex, she said a little prayer before she walked across the lawn.

 

“Look, I know what you’re going to s-”

 

But she didn’t finished her sentence when she had gotten close enough to see the fear and worry in Alex’s eyes as she silently stared at Kelley.

 

 

 

 

~~

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. But Not Today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you follow me on Tumblr, you know that I have left a note saying that I cannot promise the finishing of this fic. That still stands. But hey...I had some time today.

 

“What’s wrong, Al?” Kelley felt something in the pit of her stomach. Because of the many years of sleepovers and shared car rides, wins and devastating losses, Kelley could tell that the way Alex was looking at her meant that she was carrying something heavy with her.  
It seemed to be fear. There was genuine fear in Alex Morgan’s eyes, and Kelley had spent a whole day doing something she shouldn’t have been doing. It ranged from the silly (taking her best friend’s car) to the very serious (fucking a teacher). And to the forward, it felt like maybe this fear in Alex’s eyes had something to do with her.  
The darkness that enveloped them, and that stare that Alex was giving her, made Kelley’s life flash before her eyes.  
Those eyes seemed to be saying something.  
“Al..What is it?” Kelley asked, even though she was was sure that the last thing she would want on this Earth was to find out what it was.  
Alex gulped.  
“Are you okay?” Alex whispered. Her eyes saddened.  
“Yeah.” Kelley offered quickly. “I’m sorry. I totally spaced, I’ve been doing that a lot. I know that I’m a mess, I know that I took your car without asking, I know that you’re upset with me-”  
“I don’t care about that.” Alex said quietly.  
That sent chills down Kelley’s spine.   
“Al, what’s-”  
“Are you okay?” Her friend asked her again. Cautiously and genuinely. Her eyes scanned the edges of Kelley with fragileness.  
“Yeah, Al. I’m fine.” Kelley responded, a little irked with the weirdness.  
“Where were you all day?”  
The forward gripped her friend’s keys a little harder and took a deep breath.  
“I just went to go see..her. Ya know, the woman I told you about....”  
“Yeah, I know.” Alex said darkly. She nodded with some indication that she wasn’t asking the question that she really wanted to ask. Her eyes were still trailing over Kelley with caution, but now she seemed to be scanning for some kind of scar left on her body.  
“What, Al?” Kelley asked with an irritated tone.  
The girl watched as Alex got up from her seated position and closed the space between them. She felt the warmth of Alex’s palms around her cheeks and for a second, the warmth of Alex’s presence.  
“You know that I would do anything for you, right?” Alex whispered.  
“Yeah.” Kelley nodded vigorously. “And I would do anything for you. You know that..”  
Kelley could feel the way Alex was teetering on an actual explanation of her weird behavior. There was something about the way her best friend was on her toes and leaning forward with an intention. The impatience of Kelley’s nature was starting to bubble through.  
“Alex. Seriously. What?”  
“Why her?” Alex pushed. Something about the way she asked it, signaled a release. A turning point.  
“I don’t know Al. I just met her and I like her, what’s the big d-”  
“No.” Alex growled.  
“Why her?” She pushed again.  
“What is this, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?” Kelley asked with a tone of exhaustion. She pried Alex’s hands from her face. They didn’t feel very comforting anymore. “You told me last night that you were cool with this-that you just wanted me to be happy.”  
“I want you to be safe.” Alex quickly said.  
“What is this?” Kelley asked, frustrated. “Her and I can’t use a condom, Al. That’s not how it works. I know you’re smart enough to know that.”  
There was no appreciation of the joke.  
“Is she taking advantage of you?” Alex whispered, like she was scared to find out.  
“No!” Kelley shook her head furiously. “I knew that this was going to happen with you! Okay, you’re not bailing me out of trouble this time! I’m a grown up!”  
“So is she.”  
“Yeah, exactly! Okay? Two adults. We are fine.” Kelley said with finality.  
“You’re not an adult, Kell.” Alex said softly.  
Kelley could go on and on about the unfairness of Alex’s statement. She could talk about how she has built up her life so far without her parents, and the name she has made for herself in this town. She could talk about the hurt that came with the lack of support or approval from her best friend.  
So she did. Loudly. And for a good solid twenty minutes of it.  
And Alex just stood there, not listening to a single word of it.  
“I don’t care what you say.” Alex shook her head. “She’s still taking advantage of you.”  
“Of course you don’t care what I say, Al!” Kelley threw back. “You just want to mom me!”  
“Somebody fucking has to!” Alex yelled.  
“I don’t need a mom! I have one!”  
“No you don’t.” Alex was well aware of the gravity of that statement.   
“And you’re searching for one in Coach Solo.”  
And just like it was set in motion by a divine figure, the front door of Alex’s house clicked open. For a second, it tore Kelley’s mind away from the panic that was firing up the nerves in her skin, sending her aches in her legs, the ones that were about to give way. Her brain managed to not get overloaded from emotions as she registered in her peripherals, the figure of somebody approaching them.  
But the slackened muscles in her face and her analytical eyes were fixed on Alex’s face. Searching for what her fate was going to be. Should she deny? No, because Alex Morgan knows everything.  
“Don’t let the next sentence out of your mouth be a lie.” Alex growled. Her stare was unwavering.  
Kelley crumbled under that command.  
“Al.” A voice came from the figure in the background. Kelley looked away to see it was Christen. The tone in her voice seemed to be a warning.  
“How do you know?” Kelley breathed into the night. The tension, the unease, and the fear blew into the air in the form of an breath visible in the chilly night.  
The three of them stood there in the chilly night, at a standoff. The ‘How do you know’s’ got mixed in with the ‘Why don’t I know’s’ and it wasn’t very long into the conversation that Kelley felt like she needed a goalkeeper to protect her. The bombardment of what she felt like were attacks from some of the best strikers in the state, were starting to make her feel unsafe, unprotected.  
“Why did Ashlyn know before me?” Alex asked, her voice cracking a little.  
“She didn’t even ask me. She just found out for herself.” Kelley said defeatedly.  
“Why can’t you come to me?”  
“Because you attack me!” Kelley almost screamed. Desperate times.  
“I’m not attacking you! I’m worried about you! She’s taking advantage of you!” Alex pushed.  
Christen scratched the back of her neck, knowing full well that this conversation was not going to way they had planned it, and that it had the potential to spill more disaster for her two friends. She kept her mouth shut and observed, also knowing that both Kelley and Alex were both burning on the edge of something disconcertingly complicated.  
“She’s not!” Kelley defended quickly and furiously. “It’s not like that guys! I came onto her-”  
“Yeah, but she didn’t do anything to stop it.” Alex said quickly.  
“I’m an adult!” Kelley reasoned. “This doesn't matter anymore!”  
“Kell. She’s your coach. And a teacher.” Alex reasoned. “And she’s in a position that automatically puts you in submission. I don’t care what you say. It’s rape.”  
Both Christen and Kelley widened their eyes.  
“Don’t ever fucking say that.” Kelley growled.  
“Al. Hold on just a little bit. That’s a little...” Christen searched for the word. “Raw. I mean, I think we can all tell that it’s a consensual thing that has been going on.” She searched Kelley’s expression for affirmation. She quickly found it.  
“I don’t care!” Alex threw back. “If this happened before Kell was 18, then thats statutory-”  
“Georgia doesn’t go by 18!” Kelley yelled.  
“Really?” Christen asked, genuinely intrigued.  
“You looked it up?” Alex asked with disgust. “You know what? I don’t care. I’m turning her in.”  
Alex threw her hands up, and then turned to leave for the door, signaling the end of the conversation. Christen stirred in her spot, ready for the explosion, the disintegration of this friendship, before her eyes.  
“If you ruin this for me,” Kelley said softly and dangerously, “you are going to hurt me for the last time. I won’t every fucking forgive you.”  
It was a threat. And Alex turned back around to face her.  
“I’m not doing this to hurt you. I’m doing it to protect you. I care about you, Kelley. And you don’t realize this now, but you’re going to thank me later on.” Alex growled.  
She made way to the door again.  
“I’ll make sure that I forget your name for later on, if you do this to me.” Kelley warned.

 

  
~~

  
Kelley would somehow find Hope in the middle of her school day, no matter what class she was in. They’d meet in secret and Kelley would sneak up on her and embrace her from behind in the back of the school, or in the confines of an abandoned staircase. The texts to meet, the kiss here and there, and the adrenaline that came with Hope’s touch was starting to become addicting.  
For Hope, she assumed that it would have been harder to keep up her habit of working out after Olivia had walked out of her life. A part of her mourned the healthy food that seemed to have vacated her shelves, and the daily runs that she had grown accustomed to doing with her ex.  
To some degree, she also mourned that relationship. It had been a long time that she had connected with someone since the failed engagement, and there had been someone who had unapologetically called Hope out on her shit. No one ever did that (except maybe Carli). There were days in which she would drive by the gym, just to see if Olivia’s car was there. A sign that she was still alive.  
But, it was just to some degree. Because even though she could never take her current girlfriend out to do something simple like grocery shopping, there seemed to be something tortuously factual about how right it all was to look at Kelley differently amongst all of her peers. It felt like the love she had undeniably fell in with for this girl could move stars and fill oceans.   
And she couldn’t love her life more than when she was speeding her way to school early in the morning, just to spend a few hours with Kelley, doing absolutely nothing.. She didn’t mind that the girl would show up to her house late at night in Erin’s car, with burgers in one hand, and a promise to fatten her up with love and take out.   
“This isn’t fair.” Hope would pout as she begrudgingly picked up the greasy food that became the only option of a dinner.   
“Oh hush. You’re old and you have no metabolism. I’ve heard it before.” Kelley gumbled.  
“Yeah well. At least I can drink.” Hope slyly threw back before she took a bite.  
“At least I don’t have to run four miles to burn off that burger that’s gonna sit on your hips.” Kelley said with a smile.  
“I can still run those four miles faster than you.”  
The burgers went uneaten as the two set out to find out the truth in that statement in the middle of the night.  
“One day, Kid.” Hope said as she wiped the sweat from her lip onto the inside of her shirt, and Kelley was jogging to meet her on her deck. The girl had gotten their a solid thirty seconds after the woman.  
“But not today.”

 

~~

  
Kelley wound up with her head in her hands on the end of the bench, the field maintenance guys ready to turn off the lights on Hope and the girls, who couldn’t get Kelley to move, even an hour after the heartbreaker game had ended.  
“Leave her alone, Al.” Ash said quietly as she tugged the co-captain by the jersey and pulled her away from the statue that Kelley had become.   
Hope paid no attention to the glare Alex sent her way when she sent the girls down to the bus while she tried to coax the girl out of the depression of disappointment that only a former athlete would truly ever understand.  
The soccer coach gave the guy near the lights a signal of 5 to denote the amount of minutes she was asking for and gave a thankful nod when he walked away. Hope kneeled down in front of Kelley.  
“Let me in, Cap.” Hope whispered.  
Kelley shook her head. Hid her face behind her hands.  
“There’s no one else here. Just me and you.” Hope said softly. She put her hands on Kelley’s to slowly pry apart them apart. She felt the girls slow surrender.  
“What’s up, little one?”  
Tears and disappointment leaked from Kelley’s face as she explained, “That was my fault. I should have scored that goal in the first half and then at the last minute.”  
The coach recalled the two moments that her player was referencing, remembering that yeah she should have scored those. But what can you do now?  
“Hey. The whistle blew.” Hope said simply. “And guess what. It’ll blow again. For another game. That’s where your mind needs to be.”  
Kelley wiped the endless stream of tears from her face and focused in on the words that her girlfriend was saying to her.  
“You have a bus full of girls over there waiting for you to lead them. Short term memory, kid. Learn that now. And you will truly be special.” The woman said gently.  
“I won’t be.” Kelley said doubtfully. She shook her head.   
But Hope had coached enough girls, and had studied Kelley’s persona on and off the field enough to know that it wasn’t an admission, but a plea for Hope to refute it.  
“Quiet, Cap.” Hope chided softly. “You’ll be the the first one in this town to do something.”  
“You really think so?” Kelley demanded, equally as soft.  
Hope searched for the answer.

 

~~

  
“FIFA. This is ridiculous.” Carli said with a disapproval that radiated off from her body and was starting to make Syd uncomfortable.  
“Look. I’m not saying that I’m making moves. Okay?” Hope said with a tone of frustration. “I’m just telling you that Pinoe sent that email to me.”  
“And you actually read it?? Like you’re actually going to let her explain??” Carli crossed her arms and sat on the top of Hope’s desk.  
It was a conversation that she didn’t want to have with her best friend, but it felt oddly necessary. Carli’s disapproval was rooted in an investment in Hope’s well-being. Something that you only found in a true friend.   
“I actually read it.” Hope conceded.  
“Why? After everything her and Harvey put you through??”  
Hope shook her head.   
“Why are you getting mad at me? You think I don't know what happened to me back then?”   
Syd watched them throw Hope’s jaded history back and forth at each other like they weapons meant to hurt each other. She watched with interest and even grabbed the half eaten bag of doritos in Hope’s desk to keep her hands and her mouth occupied on something while she watched the drama unfold.   
“You're gonna give her and that corrupt organization the time of day after the attack she led??” Carli yelled.   
“You keep asking me questions like you think I'm an idiot! Like I don't know the magnitude of what had been done to me!”  
“Well sometimes I fucking question your state of mind and your fucking judgement.” Carli said with a shrug. “I mean, you broke up with like the perfect woman. So you're obviously not right in the head.”  
“Fuck you, Carl.” Hope growled.   
“I'm just saying! No person in their right mind would go back to the people that dragged your name through the mud!”  
The soccer coach immediately occupied her hands with the mouse clicker of her computer, taking the desire to punch her best friend out of the menu of options.   
“She can edit a template of an apology she found on the internet and clicked the ‘Send’ button, but NOTHING,” Carli jabbed the soccer coach in her arm, “NOTHING will change the fact that she committed a hate crime against you.”  
Syd almost choked on the last handful of chips in her mouth.   
“Stop being dramatic.” Hope waved Carli off.   
“Hope.” The volleyball coach said seriously. “You can deny all you want, but Pinoe rallying all of your teammates together and ambushing you so bad that your shoulder won't ever be the same, is a fucking crime.”   
Hope shrugged her off. She directed her attention to her computer screen and opened up a window that she really wasn't going to pay attention to.   
Syd could detect the unease in Hope’s shoulders paired with the indifference she was trying to plaster over her buried fury.   
“Hope. She’s a fucking psychopath. She thought it was going to be a good message for someone like you!”  
“I know!” Hope yelled.   
That quieted the room. Syd didn't dare bite down on the Dorito in between her teeth. Her eyes darted back and forth between the aggressive bodies in the room. She quickly rolled up the bag.   
“Alright. I'm sensing some tension.” Syd said carefully. “We should all just take a breath and relax.”  
“You think I don't know all that Pinoe had done to me?” Hope said, completely ignoring Syd.   
Carli shrugged.   
“She threw me under the bus.”  
“And ran you over with it.” Carli said fiercely.   
“I know that, Car.” Hope growled. “But I also know that this offer didn't originate with her. It started with Harvey. And regardless of what you think, she's always had my back. And she still does.”  
“So what? You're gonna pick up your life here in Georgia and move to Washington on her word?” Carli asked in disbelief.   
“I'm not doing anything yet! I haven't even said if I was going to consider it!”  
“You're already talking about possibly doing another visit. What, Harvey rope you in with another college coaching gig?” Carli scoffed.   
“Car. You know that I want to keep going. You know that I can't just stay at the high school level.” Hope said slowly.   
“That not what Tobs told me.” Carli pushed. “She told me that you told the girls that nothing makes you happier than them right now!”  
Hope sighed.   
“Which was-is true.” Hope defended. “But they're going to graduate soon. And I'm way too overqualified to be stuck in this place and this job, where in a few years, I'll have nothing to hold me here. Nothing important in my life is here!”  
The look of hurt in her best friends face, made her feel the guilt in her chest.   
“Car, I didn't mean th-”  
But Carli Lloyd had already slammed the door shut before Hope could finish.   
“Syd. I didn't mean that.” Hope said as she rubbed her forehead and her eyes of the frustration.   
She didn't look up when she heard her friend stuff the bag into the tin trash can.   
“You'd be leaving a lot behind.” Syd said softly. “This school loves you, the kids, the club. Paul.” The trainer chuckled.   
That made Hope chuckle as well.   
“What's in Seattle that going to make it all worth it?”  
A shorter distance between me and Stanford.”  
“I don't know, Syd. I just want to keep chasing what I love.”

 

~~

 

“Okay, I didn't think it was possible for Alex Morgan to be more high strung than she usually is, but this...you're crazy.” Ash said with a chuckle as she looked up from her phone and watched her friend pace up and down her room.   
“Ash, it's not funny! I have to-”  
“You need to calm down. It's just a phone call.” Ashlyn offered.   
“Yeah but he might think I'm weird or maybe my voice is too shrill or too-”  
Ashlyn rolled her eyes as her friend went on and on. The keeper tuned her out, knowing that there was no sense in engaging the forward. She was going to do what she wanted to do. Instead, the keeper started snooping around the room and letting her curious mind venture about.   
“I mean Berkeley is huge! I mean it's important! What if I'm not important!”   
Ash started rummaging through the many creams and gels in Alex's and Kelley's joint bathroom.   
“What if I don't pass Stats? Then I'm screwed either way! May as well take classes here at community college!”  
The keeper started going through her friends’ clothes in the closet that was obviously meant for one small child, one that Alex was eventually going to have to get used to as she got older. One that wasn't big enough to accommodate the clothing of two teenage girls.   
“It's just too stressful! People suck, teachers suck, and soccer sucks!”  
“Wait. Why does soccer suck?” Ash asked as she tried on a flannel shirt way too small for her.   
Alex paused in her tracks.   
“Uh..I don't know..it's just..I don't know Ash.” The girl shrugged. She continued her pacing.   
“Yeah but you're like, killing it.” Ash offered. She started going through the many drawers of the desk that had a big computer on it.   
“Yeah. I guess it's not really the soccer part...” Alex said as she ran her fingers through her hair.   
“Then what is it?” Ash asked as she started clicking away and opening up folders.   
“Ugh. Why are you so nosy.” Alex groaned as she threw her body onto her bed.   
“I can stop asking questions.” Ash said simply as she sifted through the bazillion folders on the desktop. “By the way, you guys need to figure out your shit, I think there are like more than 100 folders on this desktop.”  
“I know I know.” Alex waved.   
“I assume al of this mess is Kelley.” Ash said as she made progress through the field.   
“Actually, Kelley never does homework so no..” Alex trailed off slowly.   
So did the pointer over a folder that Ashlyn found very interesting.   
“Ash.”   
The keeper could hear the panic in her friend's voice, but she clicked on this particular folder anyways.   
She could hear Alex's footsteps on the carpet behind her and the rush in her step.   
The keeper’s eyes widened as she saw the thumbnails of the pictures and files that were filed under the folder labeled “Coach Solo”   
Ashlyn's heart beat quick when she heard the device being slammed shut. The two friends were both breathing heavy.   
“What are you doing?” Ashlyn asked as she stared Alex right in the eyes.

 

 

~~

 

 

 


	13. Mrs. Robinson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters are getting shorter and shorter but hey at least there are chapters?

“Can you stop being so fucking crazy??” Christen asked in frustration.

  
“How can you be like this? How can you stand by while she's getting taken-”

Their tempers flared and their eyes dried from the exhaustion from the late night that Alex decided to bring up this subject again. Christen groaned from familiarity of the dread that seeped in every time her friend brought this up.

  
_I'm not standing by. I'm fucking sinking in a pit of mud, paralyzed. Unable to figure out what it is that I'm supposed to be doing._

  
“Can you at least stop taking pictures? We have evidence already.” Christen put her hand on the lens and let the weight of it pull the focus off of one of her best friends, and off of whom she once considered the best coach she had ever had.

  
“The more information we have, the better.” Alex reasoned.

  
“This shit is just porn.” Christen threw back.

  
“It's not like you had trouble watching it the first time.” Alex scoffed. She put the camera back up and focused it through the branches and leaves that were encasing the two strikers, letting them rack up all they needed to save Kelley.

  
“Fine. But Tobin is coming over in like 10, and I'd rather her not know any of this…” Christen said with impatience.

  
Alex clicked her teeth, but nevertheless, she backed away from her spot and let the camera hang around her neck by the straps.

  
“I don't want to keep doing this.” Christen whispered as she looked down at the ground.

“Something about all of this isn't right.”

  
“Taking advantage of high school girls isn't right.” Alex whispered back.

 

 

~~

 

 

Ashlyn turned the corner and made her way to her locker, knowing that she needed to busy her hands while she looked for Kelley. Time was important. And it wasn't on her side. Because it was all only a matter of time.

  
She looked down at her watch.

 _She should fucking be there already_.

Ash eyed the bottom of the staircase like a hawk and felt her skin tingle in anticipation. She drummed her fingers on the door of her locker as the seconds ticked by and Kelley's arrival was agonizingly overdue.

  
_Kelley fucking O’Hara I'm here to fucking help you, get your horny ass-_

  
The keeper heard soft footsteps descending the staircase. Her heart almost jumped out of her skin. She stomped to meet them.

  
“This needs to stop.” Ash growled.

  
She didn't pay attention to the fact that she was talking to an authority figure, and a sometimes-scary one at that. Ash didn't care about the annoyed face of her best friend, the one with swollen lips and messy hair.

  
“Uh..excuse me, Harris?” Coach Solo said with a little confused smirk plastered on her face.

  
“Nothing. She's being an idiot.” Kelley said fiercely as she grabbed the keeper’s elbow and tried to usher her away.

  
“Wh-“

  
“I'm not. Listen. Al’s on a fucking witch hunt and she's got repository of pornos featuring you and Mrs. Robinson over here.”

  
Kelley put her face in her hands.

  
Hope darted to the nearby bathrooms in order to make it to a sink in time for her throw up to end up somewhere suitable. She didn't make it.

  
“FUCK!”Kelley slammed a random nearby locker.

  
Ash just watched her friend crumble.

  
“You need to be careful.” Ash whispered. The hallways were empty, the students all in their desks, but at this point, you could never be too careful.

  
“I need to talk to Hope.” Kelley said, as her mind focused on the door of the bathrooms and the world seemed to have been tuned out.

  
“No. What you need to do-“ Ashlyn grabbed her best friend back by the tail of her shirt and snapped in her face to get her to focus. “What you fucking need to do, is stay away from her for the time being.”

  
“Fuck off.” Kelley swept her friend’s hands away from her body. “Don't tell me what I need to do.”

 

~~

  
Tobin watched with apprehension as the guy that she once called her boyfriend strode in her direction. After all that had happened, she was hoping that his embarrassment and guilt would beget an unspoken agreement that they would never speak again. She gripped her coffee tighter, as he got closer.

  
“Hey.” Leo said quietly.

  
The midfielder declined to offer a response. She didn't know what to say. She just stared on.

  
“Can we talk?” The boy asked with a head lowered down.

  
Tobin shifted her backpack strap around on her shoulder. She ran her fingers through her hair. She looked all around but at his eyes, because she still didn't know what to say.

  
Y _ou cheated on me.  
I guess I cheated on you too_.

  
“I heard you're with CP.” Leo said sadly.  
Tobin had a response for that. “Who I may or may not be with us not your business, dude.” She pushed off of her spot on the wall and made sure to brush past him with a knock to his arm.

  
“I know that it's not my-“ Leo sighed. He let her walk away.

 

~~

  
“Where’s KO?” Tobin asked as she slumped into her desk.

  
“I don't know.” Alex said as she shrugged, grabbed the coffee from Tobin's desk, and then slumped over last night's homework.

  
“You're still doing that? Didn't you say that you were going to finish it up after you left Christens?”  
The forward rolled her eyes. And then she rubbed the sleep from them.

  
“Yeah, i don't know. I was up all night working on something else.”

  
“Like what, Al?” Tobin grabbed her coffee back to get a sip before she gave it back. “What else is Berkeley making you do? I'm sure you've completed every fucking task that coach has s-”

“It's just a project Tobs!” Alex yelled.

  
You could hear the pencil that rolled and fell of a girl's desk. The room went quiet as all thirty classmates looked at a red and flustered Alex Morgan.

  
“Is everything alright, Ms. Morgan?” Heather asked.

  
“Sh-she's chill, HAO.” Tobin called out hesitantly and she watched Alex wipe all negative emotions from her face.

  
“Okay…” the teacher looked on unconvinced. “Probably should lay off the caffeine, Al?”

Alex nodded with a small smile. Her classmates gave her one more round of judgmental looks, before they went back to the screens of their phones and tweeted about how psycho Alex Morgan was in the morning.

  
The only student in that classroom that offered any sympathy was her fellow teammate.

  
“Al. Are you okay?” Tobin asked when she grabbed Alex’s hand.

  
“Damn. I'd love to see what you two do behind closed doors..” an unnamed figure in a letterman jacket said with a tone of cocky suggestion.

  
Tobin wasn't sure who or what happened next. She felt Alex slip her hand away from hers, and she saw the dark brown liquid that was the expensive coffee she bought the forward, fly through the air.

  
“WHAT THE FUCK, MORGAN??” The boy roared. He stood up and wiped the scalding hot liquid off of his clothes, while Alex quickly grabbed her backpack and darted out of the room.

  
“Ms. Morg-“ Heather sighed.

  
Tobin froze and tried to gauge her teacher’s reaction.

  
“You have any idea where Alex went?” Heather asked the midfielder from across the room as she tried to look for some paper towels for the boy.

  
“Yeah where the fuck did your dyke pet go off to?” He nastily barked at Tobin.

  
“Don-“

  
“I have no idea, HAO.” Tobin said sadly.

  
The class spent the rest of the hour gossiping about what had just happened. The keyboard on their phones creating the words that would strangle Alex’s chances at a collegiate soccer career.

  
Tobin, on the other hand, spent her time texting Christen, wondering why she felt like it was necessary for her to reach out to her before Christen opened her Twitter app.

  
T: Alex just got called a dyke because I held her hand 9:42am

Christen: cool. 9:52am

T: I was just giving her comfort. She seems like she needs help. 9:53am

When the bell rang, Tobin was still looking at her screen, waiting for Christen to reply. She didn't even notice that she was the last one of her peers to leave the room.

  
“Uh, Tobs?” Her teacher called out.

  
“Uh, yeah?” The girl shook her head to clear it.

  
“Can you make sure that Alex gets her stuff?”

Heather pointed at the stack of folders and binders left on the desk behind her own.

  
“Oh. Of course.” The midfielder hastily grabbed the insane amount of school supplies that her friend had been lugging around. Her friendlier mind had kicked into high gear, and all of a sudden, she felt the need to explain herself to Christen. Explain what, she didn't really know.

  
“Tobs! Don't forget the USB!” Heather called out after her.

  
But it was too late. The midfielder had disappeared from the room.

  
Heather sighed. She pushed back the chair from her desk to grab the little stick from Alex’s desk.

 

  
~~

 

“Just please. Not right now.” The desperation in Hope’s voice hit Ashlyn right in the chest. The keeper put her head back onto the brick wall of the side of the school building and tried so hard to not let a sound escape from her.

  
“Hope, stop.” The plea in Kelley's was equally heartbreaking. “I didn't tell her. She just found out.”

  
“That doesn’t make it all better.” The woman's voice was soft.

“No. Please don't touch me right now.”Ash could hear the struggle between them and the sound of a grown woman crying.

  
“Hope. I love you. I didn't say anything!” Kelley almost screamed. Ash looked both ways to make sure that no one else had heard that.

  
“Okay. But I don't want to have this conversation right now.” Hope said desperately and urgently. Ashlyn moved her head ever so slightly so that she could look around the corner and spy on the two.

  
She could see Kelley's arms wrapped around her coach’s torso, and Hope with her face in her hands.

  
“I love you. I wouldn't do that to you.” Kelley pushed.

  
“Just not right now.” Hope said quickly.. She gently pried Kelley from her body and put quite a bit of distance between them.

“Not right now. I can't.”

  
“Do you love me?” Kelley begged, as she took the same amount of steps towards as Hope did away.

  
“I just- I can't do this right now!”

  
“You can't love me?!?”

  
Ashlyn had to put her hand to heart to run away at the pangs stabbing away at her. She watched at Hope stopped in her spot and rubbed her brow. The keeper looked on at the dejected face of her best friend, and the slow and sure way her coach closed the distance between them two again.

  
“It’s, it’s not.” Hope sighed. “It's not a question of IF I love you.”

  
The woman was so close to the freckled face girl, but she hesitated to reach out to her.

  
“It's just I don't know if I…I don't know if I can.”

  
“What the fuck does that mean?” Kelley asked fiercely.

  
“I love you-“

  
“Then fucking love me!” Kelley screamed.

  
The veins in her forehead bulged, and her body shook as she let it out. The woman walked away. Ashlyn jumped back a little.

“Hope Solo, you cannot just walk away!”

  
The keeper watched as the grown woman stopped in her tracks.

  
“You cannot just leave me!” Kelley yelled, a little bit softer.

  
“I’M NOT LEAVING YOU!!” Hope roared as she turned back around.

  
Ashlyn saw the way Kelley broke down.

  
“I'm sorry,I just-“ Hope took Kelley in her arms. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry.”

  
The keeper retreated back and made her way to the front of the building. She decided to leave this private moment as it should have been. Private.

 

  
~~

 

“Okay. Can you calm down?” Sydney asked as she regarded Carli with caution.

  
“Those are serious fucking accusations, Syd!” Carli whispered with an insane twist in her eyes.

  
“I know, but he's also a jealous fuck who is out to get her…” Sydney rolled her eyes.

  
The trainer tidied up the training room while her friend went on and on about some crazy lunatic theory about a lie that Jerramy Stevens had allegedly spread.

  
“Okay. But where did you hear this from?” She asked.

  
“From him! He said that some kids saw Leo at her pool and that some kids have been spreading it around that she's been sleeping with him!”

  
“Okay but we know she's not.” Syd reasoned.

  
“It doesn't fucking matter.” Carli frustratingly ran her hand through her hair. “Hope’s already been fucking weird. She's ready to bounce from this place. You think she can handle rumors about her sleeping with a student??”

  
Sydney nodded to herself in agreeance with her friend’s statements.

 

  
~~

 

Tobin rearranged her hat as she waited on the approaching footsteps.

  
“Oh hello Tobin!”

  
“Hi Mrs. Morgan.” Tobin said with a little chuckle. “Is Al here?”

  
The woman waved her in. “She's up in her room. I'm sure she'd be delighted to see you. She's in there with Christen.”

  
“Oh uh…cool.”

  
The nerves seeped in as she made her way to her friend's room. She felt the floorboard creak under her feet as she heard the hushed voices of her friends. She let the light from Alex's room guide her way as she listened to the beautiful and hushed voice of the girl that had kissed her. She didn't even register the words she was saying.

  
“You're fucking telling me that you lost it?!? It has everything on it!”

 

 

~~

 

  
It was the last real practice of the season. Hope couldn't find the strength to get up from her spot as she rolled up all of the soccer balls into a bag.

  
“Thanks, Tobs.” Hope shot her a small smile when her favorite kid had kicked a ball her way.

  
“Hey.” The coach called out at her when she had turned away. “Can we talk?”

  
The woman could see Kelley waiting off in the distance. She needed to delay the conversation that was no doubtedly to be had later that night.

  
“Sure, coach. What about?” Tobin said with interest as she walked back to the woman.

  
“Um. About Christen.” Hope said softly.

 

~~

 

“I fucking hate you.”

  
Christen stood rooted in her spot as she listened to Kelley ferociously stuff smithing into her bag.

  
“Kell, I'm doing this-“

  
“No. Fuck you Alex. Don't talk to me. I don't want to to see your fucking face.”

  
The sound of Kelley’s footsteps along the length of the locker room faded and Christen carried herself into the soccer locker. She met the eyes of her partner in crime, and she felt the same thing she had for weeks now.

  
_Something about all of this isn't right_.

  
~~

 

 


	14. I'm Looking At You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girl stared at the woman. For a fleeting second. It made Hope feel small. It made her feel the cycle of life, and the power of decisions. She felt it more so, than when she was slipping Kelley's underwear off.

 

The panic had settled in. The resignation thrown back into the forefront of her mind. It had been a solid eight weeks since Hope had made any kind of contact with Kelley...the inappropriate kind, and an uncomfortable amount of time, filled with Kelley's reassurances, had passed since Ash’s dire warning.

Hope Started to notice how odd Alex was starting to act. The season was on the tail end and it suited Hope and the shitty situation she found herself floating in, that her time with these girls was about to be cut short. But that meant that next week was “senior send off” and the usual end of the season party. In other words, events in which Hope had to spend time in the same room with parents, Kelley, and Alex Morgan.

The co-captain had given her those narrowed eyes, and uncharacteristic shrugs when orders when given to her. Hope felt this guilt sit in the pit of her stomach. It was starting to affect her ability to coach. She couldn't ask Alex to do anything because at any moment, the truth could have bubbled out. The girl was tense and angry and stressed. With every kick, pass, and step on the field, it seemed to be in rebellion of her coach.

“Al, can you please lead the warm up?” Hope asked in a neutral manner that didn't indicate a sense of panic.

“Why can't Kelley do it?” Alex would throw back, dangerously low.

“I guess she can do it, but you're captain too.” Hope said. The panic starting to bubble.

“Yeah but I don't get the benefits of being the head captain, do I? So why the fu-”

“Okay, Al.” Ashlyn cut in. “Coach can I lead it?”

Hope nodded in a state of resignation.

_My life is in your hands, kid_.

She looked up at Alex, and then, at Kelley. She couldn't decide who her mind was saying that to.

The soccer coach looked at Ashlyn. The keeper had a look of forced reassurance. _Please Coach Solo. I got you. Don't give up yet._

But the woman couldn't feel the solidarity. In the split second time that Ashlyn had taken over of the warm up and Hope had nodded off in agreeance and stood away from her team in order to clear her head and think about her life before she ended up here.

Alex stopped coming around to study in her classrooms. She stopped stepping up to take charge. She was pale and her face gaunt and haggard.

When the soccer coach had stood outside her classroom door in between classes and had seen Alex stare back at her on her way to her class, she saw the look.

The girl stared at the woman. For a fleeting second. It made Hope feel small. It made her feel the cycle of life, and the power of decisions. She felt it more so, than when she was slipping Kelley's underwear off.

I'm Alex's eyes were sad and angry. Yes, at the same time. Both emotions could have appropriately produced tears. The look, the eyes, seemed to ask: _why would you do this to me?_

And Hope understood it. Right in the gut. _How could I put this burden on an eighteen year old girl? How can I put her in this shit? Make her friends turn against her when all she's doing is the right thing?_

Alex was pissed, and depressed. Just like almost every other teenager. But now, Hope was the cause. And that stare said it all.

_I know you know that I know. And I'm probably going to do something about it._

Hope Solo deserved no mercy. But she would beg for it on the day of judgement.

And having Kelley was starting to become harder, more taxing (if you could imagine). The woman tried to discourage the number of times they met during school hours, but it was Kelley O’Hara. Pushy and assertive and adorable, and with the naivety of a fucking teenager. She shot that idea down, quick.

“I have you. And you have me.” Kelley whispered in her ear one time when the girl should have been in third period class, instead of in her coach’s office. “And Alex has been handled.”

But what does that mean “Alex has been handled”?

“How have you handled it?” Hope asked as her girlfriend slid on her lap.

“Can you just trust me?” Kelley asked as her fingers slid up her arm, and her eyes dark with ideas that had nothing to do with Alex Morgan in her head.

And before Hope could respond, not that she knew how to answer that, she felt Kelley slide off her and felt her palms on her thighs. The woman could feels her office chair bounce up and down with the absence of Kelley's weight, and she immediately looked at the position of the lock to her office door.

She saw that it was in a locked position and then looked down at Kelley kneeling in between legs, slowly spreading her knees apart.

“Don't.” The woman said in a tone, not so stern

“Or what?” Kelley smirked. At this point the stern orders were only taken serious on the field. Everywhere else, it had no substance to the resistance that Hope was trying to sustain.

_Just fucking surrender, Hope Solo._

“Or im going to get arrested.” The coach threw back as she watched Kelley untie her drawstring.

“The doors locked. I locked it.” Kelley said without breaking eye contact.

“Did you do that knowingly?” Hope asked.

She felt her pants drop lower down her leg.

“I did it knowing that once you saw what I was wearing underneath this, that you would have locked it, anyways.”

 

 

~~

 

 

“Hey.” Christen said shyly. Skipping classes was starting to become her usual routine. Something that Stanford was probably not going to appreciate.

She saw Tobin drag her feet in a way that was still so Tobin, but had a little pep in it.

“Hey. Thanks for meeting me.” The midfielder said softly.

Smiles exchanged.

“Did you want to talk to me about something?” Tobin asked.

The forward fidgeted with the strap of her backpack and shifted the weight of her stance on the other foot. She wished she could shift her hesitation to another person. She struggled to get it out.

“I wanted to talk to you about...Alex.” Christen said as she looked at the tiles of the floor.

“What's wrong? Is she okay?”

“Does she seem okay?” Christen looked up to gauge her reaction.

She saw the true answer in Tobin's eyes.

“No. She seems... stressed. She seems lost.” Tobin said slowly.

“Well she has a lot on her plate. Like all of us.” Christen said sadly. “But...there's something else.”

“What is it?” Tobin asked.

“It's just....” Christen bit her lip, and bit down on her revelations. The only two things that burned on her mind for the past few weeks, were the two girls that she hated putting together in her head. She was looking at one of them, and talking about the other. She hated when her mind put an image of the two of them in a bedroom. It wasn’t a fantasy, it was a nightmare. One that had become real life.

So she hesitated. She hesitated sharing a secret that could harm more people than it could benefit. She didn’t want this to be the reason Tobin gravitated towards her. _Oh, you want to talk to me about Alex? You want to become closer because of something that has to be about Alex?_

She didn’t know that Tobin Heath’s head was not like that at all. She was so unaware of the fact that she had brought up the subject of Alex  

“What is it, Chris?” Tobin asked gently.

“Nothing. I’m just worried about her. I think that it has to do with Berkeley and the fact that she feels the need to make it up for her sub-par grades. Ya know?”

“It would explain why she’s always hanging around HAO.” Tobin nodded along. “But anyways, did you really want to spend third period talkin about Alex...or did you have something planned?”

Christen relaxed a little. The tension left her shoulders.   
“You know, I’m actually really surprised that you skipped to see me. I’m kinda shocked that you agreed to it.” She said softly and affectionately.

“Why wouldn’t I want to spend time with you?” Tobin asked innocently.

Christen got a surge of bravery coarse through her veins and stroked a strand of hair behind Tobin’s ear.

“I hope you always think that way.” She said softly.

 

 

~~

 

  
“Okay, but that’s really unnecessary.” Syd said with a side-eye that was aimed towards the man that had caught up to her side in the empty school hallway.

“What? You think I make this shit up?” Jerramy said with a look of disbelief.

“You tell me.” She said with a sigh.

“C’mon Syd.” He said as she picked up the pace of her feet. “I can’t make up the shit that teenage boys do.”

“Why? You were one not too long ago?” She threw back.

“Fine. Point made. But I didn't pull that out of my ass. Why would I do that?” He pushed.

Syd sighed and debated how she would approach this subject. How could she tell this man straight up that he had his dick in the dirt after he had learned that Starr’s Mill’s hottest teacher would never give him the time of day. She could always give it to him straight.

“You’re just butt hurt that Hope likes vagina, and not you.” She said with a shrug to her shoulder.

He spittered. He spat. He couldn't believe.

“What?” He asked like an idiot.

“You heard me.” She said through a sigh, exhausted from this conversation already.

“Dude. That's so not true.” He said seriously. Deadly serious. It almost made Syd stop in her track with the grave voice he used.

“I wouldn't stop talking to her because of that sort of thing.” He said.

“Oh and now you're talking to us because of a teenage rumor that she's sleeping with a boy? Think you have a chance now?” Syd asked.

“I think that she has a chance of losing her job.” He said aggressively.

 

 

~~

 

 

Alex gently closed the door to her car. She didn't think that she could make it through the rest of the school day. Ashlyn's tendency to stalk her every move, Kelley's powerful and resentful stare, and Christens obvious desire to get far away from her was starting to pull on her brain.

She drudged up the driveway to her home and unsuccessfully tried to clear her head from the clutter of her life.

_Why does it feel like I'm the victim in all of this?_

She pulled out her keys and felt the lethargic drag in her movements as she moved to unlock her front door.

“You look like shit, Morgan.”

She heard the voice and felt the goosebumps on her arm rise.

She turned around slowly.

“What are you doing here, Mitts?”

 

 

~~

 

 

“So what are your plans after this year?” Kelley asked as she chewed on the skin on her lips. She bounced the edge of her pencil on the pages of the textbook that she was definitely not reading as she watched her girlfriend cook.

“I don't know what my plans are for this weekend, let alone my plans for next year.” Hope called out behind her shoulder.

Kelley continued to chew on her lip, and on Hope’s words. The thought of their future became more of a present thought when Alex had threatened its very existence.

  
The girl watched Hope’s arms flex with maturity and strength that only 28 years of life could supply. She watched with pride and possessiveness.

“What are you looking at, cap?” Hope asked with her back to the girl.

“Okay, cocky. What makes you think I'm looking at you?”

Hope smiled to herself. She stirred the contents of the pot and then stirred her thoughts. Her future. Her life. Ashlyn. Alex. Kelley. Their futures.

“I'm hoping that my life will be put on the line by someone who is looking at me right now.” She said softly. The wooden spoon spun along the circumference of the rim as she let it go. She felt the air change around her.

“I'm looking at you.” She heard the small voice inches from her ear and the small hands that wrapped around her stomach.

 

 

~~

 

 

Alex had spent hours of her day trying to find any excuse to spend time in her stats class. Extra credit, extra homework, and extra tutoring. Whenever HAO slipped out of the room, she dashed to the teacher’s desk and tore the drawers apart.

She ruffled through papers and school papers and found five USBs that looked nothing like the one her and Christen had shared. She gave herself 30 sec every time. They never came to fruition. She never really got her extra credit done.

She wandered the hallway in a trance. In an exhausted state of mind. She didn't even think about the fact that it was the last week of soccer practice, and right now she should have been on the way to the locker rooms.

“Hey Morgan.” A voice sounded off in the distance.

“I hear you eat pussy and some dick. Wanna have some of mine?” That same voice called.

“You a Twitter hoe so that must mean you're one in real life. Ya know what I'm saying??”

She walked on like she didn't hear it. She wished that she hadn't.

She quickly made her way to the front entrance of the school, making the clear decision to skip practice again.

But she didn't make it.

“Morgan!” Another voice called. It was more authoritative. It was the voice she didn't want to hear.

“Where you going kiddo?” The question came so light and airy, meant to disarm. But nothing could make Alex let her guard down. She didn't have friends to protect her. Well she felt like that.

She left her hand on the door.

“It's the last week of practice, captain. You should be there for it.” Her coach said softly.

The girl ruffled through her mane of hair that must have went days uncombed. It was time to speak on this unspoken issue. Coach solo’s cautious stare and reaching approach only irked her even more.

“I don't want to be anywhere you are.” Alex whispered.

“Why are you saying that?” Hope whispered back.

The girl felt like pushing the door open and running away. Her coach certainly didn't have the gall to report her for skipping, considering...

She didn't want to have this conversation. She didn't know how to have it. How could you take advantage of Kelley like that? How could you do this to her? How could you make them turn against me? How can you brainwash someone so quickly that they think you love them? I love them too. Why do they believe you over me?

Alex pushed through the door like it was an escape, but she got reeled back in by a muscular arm.

“Don't touch me.” The teenager growled.

Hope put her hands up where you could see them.

“I'm not trying to hurt you.” Hope Said softly.

“Really. Because you're really good at doing that to people, right?” Alex threw back.

The woman didn't even respond. She didn't know how to.

“And you're going to do that to my best friend, too. If you haven't already!” Hope looked around at all of the kids in the distance and then strong armed her captain to a little staircase at the edge of the school.

“What are you talking about, Alex?” Hope spat.

“Stop Having sex with a student!” Alex yelled through bulged out eyes and frazzled hair. She didn't even break her eye contact with Hope, who so desperately wanted to put a ball gag in her mouth. A thought she found herself sitting with for awhile.

“Just stop, Al. I'm not-”

“What you're not going to do, is lie to me. And you know why. You know that I know.” The girl threatened.

“I'm not gonna hurt her.” Hope said softly.

“Yeah you're not going to.” Alex furiously nodded. “Because you're going to break whatever the fuck this is, up!”

Hope nodded.

“She trusts you! Tobin trusts you! All of us do! And you used that fucking position to-to-” she couldn't finish her sentence.

“You're sick. And twisted. And it's rape. Or molestation. Whatever. You need to stop it.” Alex growled.

“Okay.” Hope resigned.

“I'm serious.” Alex strengthened.

“I know.” The woman whispered.

“Good. “ Alex said with a serious lift off of her shoulders. “Because I love her. And she means everything to me.”

The forward made way to leave the woman and put a lot of distance in between them. There was so much to process.

“I love her too, ya know.” Hope said ever so quietly. It made Alex stop in her tracks.

“Yeah, well from what I hear from Heather Mitts, that means nothing but trouble.” Alex said aggressively. “You're toxic, and a cheater, and if the rumors are true about what you did to your fiancée, I'll fucking have you arrested TONIGHT.”

Hope furrowed her brow.

“What did Heather say...?”

“She told me all about the diseases you're probably hosting for Kelley from all of the people you've slept with, and the reasoning behind the sudden departure of your fiancée. Oh and the shady ass shit about you paying her off!”

“You can't believe a single thing Heather-”

“What I can believe,” Alex jammed her pointer into her coach’s chest, “is that you fucking a teenager student is against the rules.”

They were both breathing so heavy. Alex was on the attack, and Hope was on the verge of getting riled up again by the antics of Heather Mitts again. But the woman had to tread on eggshells right now. Again, she didn't know who controlled her fate more, Kelley or Alex Morgan. She just stared at the girl, unable to move.

“What?” A voice came from behind.

Hope didn't even turn around.

Because the life she knew, had ended.

“FIFA.. what did she just say?” The voice asked in fear.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wretchedthorium.tumblr.com
> 
>  
> 
> -yes I still exist.


	15. Beautifully Complex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope felt maybe a tingling of feeling on the back of her neck, but really she didn't know what she could say, who she should face, or what she should do with her life now. Because at this point, she didn’t know if she would breathe another minute of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Remember that I took a hiatus so expectations need to be LOW. LIKE REALLY LOW  
> 2\. Content is SHORT.  
> 3\. Its been a long while since an update, so like....if you can, you should go back and read shit. Cuz like itll benefit you.  
> 4\. You can probs expect more timely updates now.  
> 5\. Grammer and mistakes blah blah blah ill fix later

“FIFA.. what did she just say?” The voice asked in fear.

 

Maybe because it happened in a split second and her body couldn't really formulate a logical response, but Hope’s eyes just glazed over and she shut down.

 

“Hope..?” Carli asked a little more demanding.

 

“Tell her what I meant, coach.” Alex pushed.

 

Hope felt maybe a tingling of feeling on the back of her neck, but really she didn't know what she could say, who she should face, or what she should do with her life now. Because at this point, she didn’t know if she would breathe another minute of it.

 

“That’s enough, Alex.” Carli demanded. Hope breathed.

 

“Now go to the fields. Your teammates are waiting.” The volleyball coach spat.

 

Hope saw the little glint in her player’s eye. Something about the way Alex tensed and then her whole body changed with a twitch of...satisfaction. The girl’s mouth formed the smallest of smirks that Hope wasn’t sure if Carli could spot it.

 

It sent Hope the strongest of messages. The one that said ‘I did my job.’ She fucked up Hope’s life without having to see the wreckage. She turned her in without having to be the one that actually did anything. Hope didn't have the energy to really watch Alex saunter away. She didn't have the life in her to feel the hot buzzing presence of her best friend, and fellow coworker, staring her down for answers.

 

“Hope. Why would Alex say that?” Carli asked slowly.

 

“I--I don't know.” The soccer coach said as she rubbed the space in between her brows.

 

“Is she the one spreading rumors about you and Leo?”

 

Hope instantly cocked her head up.

 

_Maybe my life isn't over yet._

 

 

 

_~~_

 

 

 

 

“What”

 

It really wasn’t a question, but more of a declaration of annoyance. Tobin didn’t really want to hear more about what Leo had to say at this point. She knew what it was like to feel Christen’s palm in her own. There was nothing more she needed to know in this life.

 

“I’m just wanted to know if you’ve heard the shit that’s going around.” He whispered.

 

Ashlyn’s shoulder tensed. She had the strongest desire to pull Tobin away, but she knew that it was of the most importance to act cool.

 

“No.” Tobin shrugged and continued to look forward.

 

“Ash. Guys. Hear me out. This shit is serious.” Leo said darkly. He strapped his backpack tighter and lengthened his strides so that he kept up with the soccer girls.

 

“What do you want dude?” Ash sighed.

 

“Did you guys hear some shit about Coach Solo and Coach Stevens?” He whispered.

 

Tobin arched her eyebrows.

 

“What the fuck you talking about Leo?” Tobin scoffed. Ashlyn internally screamed.

 

The boy went on some long winded explanation detailing his online (paper) trail, delivering a spotty justification on why he ended up on a site filled with multiply boys from his school talking about the details of Coach Stevens and Coach Solo’s relationship that would make any teenage boy slam his laptop shut the instant someone came into his room.

 

“You know that’s all trash.” Ashlyn said with a scoff. She said it with conviction because after all, it was true. It was trash.

 

“I don’t know man.” Leo hushed. “ Sully seems to think that someone out there has evidence.”

 

“There’s things like photoshop and shit out there.” Tobin blew him off. “Even if I saw a picture of the two of them, I wouldn’t believe it.” The midfielder saw her classroom in sight and the glorious thought of shaking off her ex was flooding her mind.

 

“Yeah. The internet is bullshit.” Ashlyn offered. “One time I read an article about how U.S. Soccer fired Jill Ellis and it turned out to be a crazy tumblr blogger who wrote an article about her ideal parallel universe...”

 

“I mean I agree with her..” Tobin mumbled.

 

“I don’t know. I just felt like I should tell you guys...” Leo scratched his head. “Yeah., maybe it was stupid.” He said with a nod. “There was shit on there about Coach Solo and Kelley too, so maybe it’s just a bunch of horny shitbags.”

 

Ashlyn had a stutter in her step.

 

“Ew.” Tobin said with a face that signaled the end of their conversation.

 

The goalkeeper looked back at the boy’s truly sullen face before she walked into their classroom. Normally, she would have taken a moment to read the sadness entrenched in the lines of his face, but instead she stood looking at the person that sent her heart racing into a panic mode.

 

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

 

“You do know that I actually never liked you....right?” Erin O’Hara said with narrowed and suspicious eyes.

 

“I take that as a compliment.” Heather said with a simple shrug and satisfied grin.

 

“See, shit like that makes you unlikable.” Erin said with a comfortable disgust.

 

“No this is the shit that makes me fuckable.” The soccer player threw back.

 

“I guess yeah...you've let a lot a people in that..” Erin said as she pointed down at the girl’s midsection.

 

“Including your own flesh and blood. But that's beside the point.” Heather waved her hand. “I'm here to help you out.”

 

“But then again, we have to circle back to the fact that I actually really hate you.” Erin shrugged. “Shit Mittens.. I think we have to stop here. Cuz yeah..last time I checked..I hate you.”

 

“Yeah.” Heather said impatiently, “but i'm sure you love your sister and your BFF."

 

That got the older O’Hara’s attention. Erin took her hand off of her apartment door knob and crossed her arms. She would listen, but that didn't mean she would enjoy giving into Mittens.

 

“More than you can say...” Erin sighed. “What crazy bullshit antics are you making me sit through?” Erin sighed.

 

“No bullshit.” Heather said with her hand raised like she was being sworn in. “I come in peace.”

 

“Fuck off. Just tell me.” Erin growled.

 

“Fine.” Heather rolled her eyes. “I just thought that you'd want to know that you're BFF got dumped because Solo is fucking her ex-fiancé.”

 

Erin closed the door on the soccer players face.

 

She walked five steps before she heard the aggressive pounding.

 

“Go away you piece of shit!” Erin yelled.

 

“I'm doing this to help you out!” She rolled her eyes at that statement. _If you ignore her, she'll eventually go away._

 

The oldest O’Hara did her best to block out the continued pounding on the door. Heather Mitts voice was really starting to become unpleasant. _Starting? How did I not notice how fucking annoying she was back when she was dating Kelley._

 

“You have to know that there's an oddly suspicious reason that Hope’s relationship with Olivia was cut so quickly! I'm just saying!”

 

The knocking stopped.

 

Erin sat on that. She rolled her eyes at herself for letting Mitten’s words get to her. Because technically, she didn't really know why that perfect relationship was cut so short. _It had so much potential._ She lamented.

 

She stewed on the probability of this crazy ass woman having something legitimate to say. It was very characteristic of Heather to go out of her way to stir up something that wasn’t even there. But on the other hand, Hope was a seriously mysterious puzzle.

 

“If you don't believe me, you should check out who is at her house like every fucking night.”

 

Erin jerked her head in the direction of the door. She was surprised to hear that Heather was still on the opposite side of her front door.

 

“Any night. Every night. Just check out who is at her house. That's all I'm saying.”

 

Erin could hear the defeat in Heather’s voice. Like she was unsure if Erin was still listening to her. The defeat was so genuine, that Erin felt the goosebumps on her skin and as her intuition told her that maybe she ought to check Hope Solo's house out.

 

She looked around for her keys.

 

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

 

(The next morning)

 

Paul popped the bones in his fingers before he relaxed in the chair that Hope usually sat in. The throne felt comfortable and it was even more enjoyable to sit in since he wasn't technically supposed to. He rifled through her drawers and found paperwork. _No fun._

 

He usually had more energy in the morning, and the thought of annoying Hope so early in the day brought him joy.

 

Having to meet Hope in school office was a new thing for Paul since he had actually never visited her at her ‘other job’ the one she mumbled and grumbled about. He relished at the idea of seeing her in action as she taught a class on the birds and the bees, but she had quickly shot that down and banished him into the confines of her soccer cave at the school.

 

He played with the toy soccer ball on the top of her desk for all of five seconds before he got bored. He clicked around on her keyboard and made the screen light up. For a second, Paul panicked, worrying that he might have made the machine explode (technology wasn't his thing). He only relaxed when he saw that he had only woken the screen up.

 

He wasn't too sure if he was reading what the screen was saying was correct, but he knew that he should have turned it off right then and there (he didn't know how to).

 

Plus it seemed that the email had been marked ‘Read’ as indicated by the little tag next to it. Paul felt his stomach turn as he read the message:

 

**You can't hide your relationship for too long.**

 

He knew what that meant. He knew what the sender was trying to threaten his friend with. He wiped the sweat from his palms onto his jeans, and he felt the bulky piece of paper that he had shoved into his pocket.

 

Paul took it out.

 

He knew that he had chosen the right moment to hand it to Hope. She needed this now more than ever. He tapped the his foot against the floor as he awaited her arrival. Hoping she would eventually come.

 

 

 

 

 

~~

 

(Last Night)

 

 

Tobin played with the loose strands of the torn holes in her denim jeans that displayed her knees. She sat with her knees hugged tightly to her chest as she waited for Christen’s arrival. She admitted to herself that the nerves were undeniable.

 

Christen had been so weird lately. _So have you..._

 

Maybe Tobin was an idiot, _That’s very possible,_ but she thought that maybe Christen had like her, but every day  seemed to tell a different story. One day it was an aggressive display of possessiveness on the forward’s part, and then some days, at a snap of a finger, she would ditch the midfielder for Alex.

 

Tobin found herself on Christen’s porch at her attempt to follow her coach’s advice. She knew that women would be confusing, being one herself, but Christen’s behavior had become unusual. And Coach Solo had told her to get things figured out and as out in open as soon as possible in order to avoid the mess of everything.

 

So the tan midfielder braced her knees closer to her body as she waited for this beautifully complex girl that would undoubtedly change her life. She was glad that Christen’s parents never really showed up to the house until later in the evening due to work, so she tried to settle in a little more comfortably.

 

She gazed around at the beautiful nature that the forward’s neighborhood had to offer and she found her eyes land on the beautiful house next to the one she was sitting in front of. Her eyes darted to the right when she saw a very familiar looking car go down the main road. She watched the rims spin as she tried to settle those nerves.

 

Tobin watched from afar as the car’s engine shut off, and she watched the legs of the driver step out of the vehicle. Something about the person’s instep was starting to nag at her brain. Then she heard another car door shut. Tobin’s eyes immediately found freckles and hyper eyes and the frame of a girl that should not have been reaching for Coach Solo’s hand like that.

 

Tobin immediately stood up.

 

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

 

 

“I just really want to stop doing this...” Alex sighed.

 

Christen snorted. Viciously. “Don’t act like I’m the one dragging you to do this.”

 

“I-I’m not.” Alex said softly.

 

“Then let’s just find this USB and get this shit over with.” Christen rolled her eyes.

 

“Okay.” Alex said with her hands raised in surrender.

 

“What is so important about this usb?” Crystal asked with a face filled with confusion. “I mean you guys know that things like google drive and stuff exist right...?”

 

“It just has our project on it.” Christen hushed. She looked around the corner of the empty hallways.

 

“Then why can’t we just ask a teacher to see if we can find it?” Crystal asked, still too confused.

 

“You’re asking stupid questions Crys.” Alex hushed.

 

The three of them roamed the darkened halls with the expertise and familiarity of seniors and slipped into classrooms that were unlocked. Crystal felt like maybe she was following a bunch of crazies, but quite honestly, they were about to graduate, and she was on top of the world. Seniors were invincible, and she had never broke into the school before. It didn’t matter that the logic of two really smart people was not adding up, because they could do no matter what.

 

Crystal got brave enough to venture out into the teacher’s lounge without the safety of her two friends. Her eyes widened at the all of the free food in the refrigerator with initials on their containers, initials that meant nothing to Crystal as she opened a yogurt and rifled through the drawers for a spoon.

 

_You’re such a badass._

 

She congratulated herself for scoring some free food and she loaded spoonfuls into her mouth as she looked around the rest of the room. She spotted the teacher’s boxes, the ones they received mail in and found herself delighted at finding TWO treasures in this room. She hoped to find something embarrassing in one of her teacher’s mailboxes.

 

She stumbled upon HAO’s folder, which was void of anything interesting, Coach Lloyd’s mailbox which was surprisingly spammed with wedding magazines, and by the time she reached the principal’s mailbox, she was starting to lose interest.

 

That was until she spotted a USB slotted in between a bunch of envelopes.

 

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

 

 

“I love you.” Kelley whispered into the small space in between her and Hope’s lips. The girl’s hands cupped the woman’s face and it seemed like she was trying to tether Hope back to her more than usual.

 

The coach cleared her throat and looked around  before she echoed the words back to her.

 

Kelley’s eyes followed the  panic-inducing hesitation in her lover’s eyes.

 

“Don’t.” Kelley pleaded.

 

Hope let her head roll away from Kelley’s hands and she stepped back and leaned back onto the hood of her car.

 

“Don’t what?” She asked, knowing exactly what.

 

The girl shook her head ever so slightly. Her eyes wide with sadness that was tugging her eyelids apart and vulnerable. Her lips were pursed together, wanting to hold in the words that were about to start a conversation that she wasn’t ready for.

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

 

 

“Why did you even invite Crystal?” Alex asked with annoyance as she stared out the window.

 

_Because I can’t fucking handle you._

 

“We needed extra help.” Christen said instead as she drove the both of them home.

 

“We don’t need other people involved.” Alex said grumpily.

 

“We don’t need to be doing this.” Christen retorted.

 

The car went silent.

 

“Why are you helping me then?” Alex said after they had driven down a couple of roads.

 

Christen gripped the wheel harder as she turned down onto her street.

“I have no fucking clue.” She said.

 

“You know you don’t have to help me.” Alex spat.

 

“Who the fuck else is gonna help you Morgan?” Christen asked with a sigh.

 

The girl fumbled for an answer as they pulled into the long driveway up to Christen’s driveway. She thought about the truth to that statement and the lack of text messages from Kelley since their last blowup. She didn’t have any friends anymore.

 

Except for maybe one that was just really annoyed of her in the driver seat. And another one that she was looking at standing on Christen’s porch.

 

“What the-” Christen turned the car off slowly.

 

“Tobin would have helped me!” Alex exclaimed. She didn’t pay attention to the fact that the midfielder was not even looking through Christen’s windshield, but to the side at her neighbor’s house.

 

“Tobin.” Christen said darkly when she had shut the driver’s side door. She gulped really hard when Tobin’s head didn’t turn to look at them.

 

“Tobs, what are you...” Alex walked up the porch steps to her friend but then stopped in her motions when she remembered who Christen’s neighbor was. She left her hand wrapped around the midfielder’s wrist.

 

Christen looked on.

 

She looked straight at Tobin and that wrist, rather than looking at the couple that she didn’t have to see to know was standing in the spot that Tobin’s eyes were glued to.

 

“Tobs-” Alex cut her speech short.

 

The forwards stood still, not knowing what to do. The midfielder’s presence was unexpected. The stress of another teammate finding out was too much to handle for the night.

 

Christen watched as Alex tugged at Tobin’s arm to bring her attention to them.

 

Nothing about any of this felt right.

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

 

“My life was just not setup to love you.”

 

Tobin’s anger creeped at the sound of those words echoing in the quiet night, vibrating through the air and through the heavy breathing of Alex.

 

“Tobs, don’t listen. This isn’t something you should be-” Alex whispered.

 

“I would set my life up just to love you.” Kelley cried.

 

It was the crying that had gotten to Tobin. She didn’t even think about the consequences of her actions as she ripped her arm from Alex’s grasp and stomped across the grass to her coach’s house.

 

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

 

Erin didn’t really know what she expected when she had turned onto the road that would lead to her best friend’s ex abode.

 

“I don’t know why we are doing this.” Erin shook her head. “I’m sorry dude. Like I know this is probably just bringing up shit that you want to be brought up.”

 

Olivia nodded in silence as the car moved down the road. Erin came to a slow stop.

 

“Let’s just turn around. I feel like an idiot for bringing you out here.” The O’Hara sister said with focus.

 

Olivia sighed.

 

“No.” She said. “Let’s just go.”

 

“Are you sure?” Erin asked with a furrowed brow.

 

“Yeah.” Olivia sighed again. “It’s just something that I need to know and see for myself, ya know?” Erin nodded. “I just need closure on this shit.”

 

Erin put her car in drive.

 

“You sure?”

 

They both waited for a good long while before Olivia nodded.

 

Erin continued to drive. Not knowing that it would have been best just to turn back around.

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

(The following morning)

 

Julie Johnston felt her hand slacken as it rested over the mouse. She didn’t need to stare over at Mal to know that the freshman was thinking the same thing as her.. It was a long time before Julie looked up and met Crystal’s eyes.

 

“What does this mean?” Julie asked, her heart starting to race. She quickly looked at the USB in the slot of the school computer they were using. The defender all of a sudden felt a lot of protection for the device.

 

Crystal shook her head before she looked at the two of them.

 

“I have no fucking clue.”

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

Paul looked at his watch. The school bell had rung. Still no sign of Solo. Something was wrong. His foot stopped jigging to the nervous beat of his heart.

 

The man got up and made his way to the door to go look for a sign of his friend. He roamed the hallway and looked for a classroom that may contain his friend.

 

He had searched the west wing, the east wing, and he even debated going up to the main office to find out the whereabouts of his friend. Because it was totally possible that she had just forgotten that he was going to be meeting her.

 

He turned the corner and was well on his way to the front of the school, when he heard someone call his name.

 

Which was strange.

 

Because no one at this school should have really known him. So he turned on his heel, expecting it to be someone calling for a high school kid named Paul.

 

But he found it to be a pleasant surprise.

 

“Hey Carli.” He was sure that he would know where Hope was.

 

Paul was surprised to see that Carli’s blank white sheet face was in no mood to exchange pleasantries.

 

“Did you know?” Carli asked without looking at him as she stopped a good five feet away from him.

 

“Did I know what?” Paul asked as he held on tight to the piece of paper in his hand. He didn’t know if anyone had known the contents on the page in his hand.

 

Carli looked straight at him.

 

“Did you know that Hope was sleeping with a student?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wretchedthorium.tumblr.com
> 
> Hit it up.


	16. Credible Source

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This feels like a big deal. And you know it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This CH gets pretty dark.  
> These are times in whichI believe that my fic doesn't belong in this genre. Sorry for my dramatics. But you kind of knew what you signed up for when you clicked on a fic of mine tbh.
> 
> Ill check for grammar and stuff later blah blah blah

THE MORNING

“It’s too early to be requesting me to act like an adult so early in the morning.” Carli grumbled as she closed the heavy wooden door behind her. The fact that Jerramy was already sitting in the plushy leather chair that was situated in front of the principal’s irked her morning self. The lack of coffee was making her extra touchy.

“Didn’t want to wait to see if a lady would want to sit in the chair?” Carli asked with indignation.

Jerramy just chuckled before he put both hands on the arm rests and lifted his body out of the seat in order to comply with the volleyball coach’s sublime request. The crinkle of a paper in Jerramy’s hand being crumpled under his hand as he lifted himself caught Carli’s attention, but she sat down in his warm seat and then finally faced her boss.

“Sup Sunny.”

“Mrs. Lloyd.” Sunil said with a tone that was artificially light. Somewhere in the back of his throat was a ball and chain attached to the matter of the issue. Carli sat back with unease.

“Why’d you make me meet you this early in the morning? I’m salary.” Carli chuckled with that remark, one that most teachers had pledged to laugh at since they took on the teaching oath. No one returned it. Her neck got stiff all of a sudden.

“Why is Mr. Football here?” Carli asked as she pointed to Jerramy without looking at him.

Sunil cleared his throat.

The squeak and groan of the air conditioning vents filled the room. So did the tension.

Gulati’s eyes fluttered to the football coach and then back at Carli and he stuttered like an old fool. Someone so incompetent at addressing his employees of matters that concerned the basic duties and responsibilities of his job. He took a sip of his coffee, he shuffled some paper around, and Carli was close to throttling his throat (no coffee yet, remember).

“Uh, Sunny called both of us here because of a …” Jerramy hovered to Carli’s side so that he was in between the two, “an issue.”

“What issue?” Carli pushed.

“A…” Jerramy looked at Sunil.

“A…” Sunil drew out the sound of the vowel ‘A’

Carli looked at both of them.

“For f’s sake both of you.” Carli sighed.

“A student-teacher relationship..issue.” Jerramy said ever so slowly.

“Ew.” Carli said with a snort, and pursed up nostrils that looked like she had smelled something so foul. “Why am I here?”

“Because-” Jerramy started.

“Because we want to know if you know of any information on this matter.” Sunil said so calmly and so confidently that the stark contrast from his behavior a few seconds ago struck something so deep into Carli’s spine.

“Like…what?” Carli asked slowly.

“Do you know of a student-teacher relationship that is taking place now?” Sunil asked. Confident as ever.

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Carli pushed vigorously. “Wait, am I being accus-”

“No.” Sunil said with closed eyes and an exasperated posture.

“He uh-” Jerramy hesitated before he continued, “He got it from a credible source that..Hope is in a…you know..yeah.”

The female coach looked at the both of them. Jerramy to Sunil. Jerramy to Sunil.

“WHAT THE FUCK are you talking about??” Carli pushed. “Are we going off of school boy rumors that some horny boys made up??”

“No-”

“This is bullshit.” Carli stood up. The skid of her chair on the carpet slowed her down a bit on the way to her door, but nothing was more effective in stopping her tracks than the feeling of the paper in her co-worker’s hand being thrusted into her chest.

“Read it.” Jerramy said. She scanned the paper and read the first few lines.

“Are you-Is this-Are you seriously-”

“We have information from a credible source.” She heard Sunil say from behind her. She read the rest the words on the paper that were right in her face, taking in this information that she didn’t think that she would be ready for.

“This doesn’t prove anything.” She growled very quietly as she continued to read down the paragraphs.

“Credible source.” Sunil said again.

“Define fucking ‘credible’!!” Carli said as she turned around to face him.

He sighed.

“Another teacher.”

Carli slowly turned her head to face the football coach. He raised his hands in the air and shook his head so confidently.

“Not me.” He said quietly.

“Not him.” Sunil said, just as quietly.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

Julie could feel the sweat around the USB that was slammed in her palm, encased by her fingers, as the heat and pressure of holding a smoking fun in her hand was starting to get to her. She exchanged pointed glances with Crystal, who was standing across from her in the circle of friends in between fourth period.

Her eyes were telling Crystal _Let’s talk about what we are going to do with this shit,_ while Crystal’s eyes seemed to tell her _chill, dude, chill._

The thought of those pictures were ingrained in the projector of the mind movie she had on all day. During first period, she couldn’t pay attention to anything the teacher was telling her because she couldn’t stop thinking about the photo of her coach holding one of her good friends in a position that looked straight out of a movie that she would inherently try to avoid when she surfed the internet. Julie couldn’t stop thinking about Kelley.

_What is she going through? How did this happen? How…_

She couldn’t wrap her head around how she was supposed to feel. She thought of the conversation she had with Crystal in the morning.

“ _Crystal. Is Kelley okay?” Julie had asked her friend in the morning when they were perusing the contents of the USB._

_“Way I see it. That’s a two-way street right there.” Crystal said as she pointed at the picture popped up on the computer._

_“What do you mean?” Mal asked with confused eyes._

_“It’s a two-way street.” Crystal shrugged. “Kelley doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want to do.”_

_“Okay but..” Julie’s heartbeat quickened at the thought. “Coach is like..ten years older than us..”_

_Mal gasped._

_“It..” Crystal shook her head, trying to wrap her head around it too. “It doesn’t have to be a big deal guys. Let her do whatever.”_

_“Dude.” Julie shook her head. “This feels like a big deal. And you know it.”_

_“I don’t know anything.” Crystal pushed back. “And you don’t either.”_

_“This is what I know.” Julie said as she pointed at the screen. “And…” She gulped. “I love Coach but…we have to tell someone.”_

_“Who?” Mal asked._

_“I don’t know. A teacher? Someone?” Julie threw out suggestions._

_“Yeah, let’s ruin someone’s career over shit we don’t know.” Crystal said sarcastically._

_“Fine! Then let’s I don’t know, get someone else’s opinion. Maybe we keep this shit between the team.”_

_“The team fucking knows.” Crystal said shaking her head._

_Mal shifted in her seat with the discomfort settling in her body._

_“What do you mean?” Julie asked with confusion._

_Crystal grabbed the mouse in front of her friend and started clicking around before opened another document on the USB._

_The screen read:_

_“THE RISE OF BENITO MUSSOLINI BY ALEX MORGAN”_

_“So..” Julie nodded along with the already rapid beat of her heart._

_“This is Alex’s USB” Crystal nodded._

_“So she knows.” Mal said slowly._

_“So does Christen.” Crystal added bitterly. “They both recruited me to come find this USB.”_

_“I mean, maybe not everyone knows,” Mal reasoned, “This could be-”_

_“Everyone knows.” Crystal said darkly._

_“You’re right.” Julie said with defeat._

By the time that lunch had come around, Julie found herself a zombie, a dead creature walking the halls of Starr’s Mill. Her brain had shut off in defense. The stress was too much.

“Yo, you good?”

Julie felt a nudge to her shoulder. She jerked her heard up.

“You good?”

“Ashlyn?” The girl asked in a haze. The tall keeper chuckled before she sat down next to her.

“You okay, buddy?”

Julie had no idea how to answer that.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Ash felt her heart in her throat at the sight of Ali coming up to her in the empty hallway.

“I didn’t think that you’d actually skip class to hang out with me.” Ash smirked.

“I didn’t. I just got a bathroom pass.” Ali smirked back.

The pass in her hand swung back and forth from her finger, teasing Ash, a flashing reminder that she only had a few minutes to ask the girl in front of her a very important question.

“I really like you.” Ash figured that was a really good place to start.

“I know.” The girl said as a matter of fact-ly.

“Okay. Good.” Ashlyn chuckled.

“You always skip your class to hang out with me. How could you not?” Ali asked with one side her lips upturned in satisfaction.

“True.” Ashlyn nodded.

“But my question to you is why are you making me break the rules this time? Why aren’t you and Kelley skipping this time? Why do I gotta do the leg work?”

“Relationships are 50/50.” Ash said with a smirk.

“Oh so this is a relationship?”

“If you want it to be.”

The dark-haired girl nodded noncommittedly.

“What does that mean?” Ashlyn fished for an answer to a question she didn’t really ask.

“It means I’ll think about it.”

“I’ll wait.” Ashlyn threw back with a smug smile that she was sure would seal the deal.

“You can wait however long you want, but I gotta get back or I’m gonna get in trouble.” Ali said as she waved the bathroom pass in the goalkeeper’s face.

The blonde girl grabbed Ali’s hand gently to pull her back, a sign of affection, one that Ali melted into.

“C’mon, Coach Solo isn’t gonna care.”

“Usually I would agree with you.” Ali said quietly as the senior’s lips came dangerously close to her own. She tried to even her breathing and keep her cool. “But principal Sunny is watching us.”

“Ew, why?” Ashlyn asked absent mindedly as she tried to inch forward. She could hear the heavy breathing of Ali.

“Because-“ _get your shit together, Krieger!_ She cleared her throat. “Because he’s waiting for a sub to take his place. Said Coach Solo wouln’t be in today.”

Ashlyn pulled back.

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t know.” Ali was thankful for the cool air that replaced the space that Ash’s lips were. She didn’t think she could take the heat.

“Was Kelley there?” Ashlyn asked slowly.

“No, dummy. That’s why I asked why you and her weren’t there bothering me as per usual.” Ali chuckled.

She was left so confused as to why Ashlyn’s face went white at that statement.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

Alex watched as her textbook went flying across the air, the pages fanning out frenzily before it slammed against the door of her locker before it hit the ground.

“I’m sorry.” Alex whispered.

The violent outburst from her goalkeeper friend wasn’t a surprise, because at this point Alex Morgan had come to terms with the fact that today was the day that she was going to lose everything. She looked at Christen who had a somber expression on her face.

She watched the back of Ashlyn as the keeper stormed out of the locker room.

“Isn’t this what you wanted?” Christen asked quietly.

“I thought so.” A single tear came rolling out of Alex’s left eye.

“Do you feel like you did the right thing?”

“Getting in Kelley’s way never seems like the right thing.” Alex said defeatedly.

“You think that..” Christen wiped her tears away. Their lives had just been torn apart last night. She found it a miracle that she was here in their school locker room.

At this point in time, it seemed like school was such a small concept. The last thing that mattered in this life.

“You think I should have done all of this differently?” Alex said with tears bubbling at the rims of her eyes.

Christen sighed.

“Can I ask you a question?” Christen asked as she sat back and the exhaustion was ready to take her.

Alex looked at her.

“You think Coach Solo actually loved Kelley?”

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

“Are you okay, Alex?” Leo asked when he saw the forward with the red eyes and the defeated demeanor.

He watched as her eyes grew in size at the realization that he was talking to her.

“I’m good.” She said slowly before she looked away and hunched back into her book.

“You sure, Al?” He asked softly.

She blinked quickly.

“I-”

“Alex Morgan, we really have to talk.” Leo looked up to see Julie marching towards the girl who sat across from him.

“Jules, what is it?” Alex sighed.

“We have to have a team meeting, like right now.” Julie demanded.

“Jay. Class is about to start.” Leo said.

“Leo, shut up.” Julie said before she turned back around to face Alex. “It’s urgent.”

“Season is over.” Alex said with exhaustion. “I don’t think that a team meeting is high on the priority l-”

“Al. I’M SERIOUS.” Julie almost yelled.

“What the fuck Jules? What about?” Alex conceded.

Leo watched on with interest as he saw the blonde fish through her backpack, and then eventually throw a USB on the top of Alex’s desk.

He watched Alex freeze.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

“Where did you find this?” Alex said with an expression that it seemed like even her lips didn’t move.

“Why didn’t I know about this sooner?” Julie demanded.

“It’s none of your business.” Alex said quickly.

“It is if it affects my team and MY coach.” The blonde threw back.

“No it doesn’t.” Alex said with heavy breaths. She didn’t take her eyes off of the device.

“How could you hold on to this and wait SO LONG to tell someone?!?” Julie didn’t even mute her voice as their classmates filed in for their class.

“I-I-I haven’t eve- how did you get this??” Alex’s still posture started to come to life.

“It doesn’t matter! Some of these pictures have ended up online, Al! You’re telling me that you had time to post this, but not to tell someone!? Kelley’s your best friend!” Julie yelled.

That’s when it clicked. Leo’s shoulders dropped. _Kelley, coach, online._

“First of all, this is none of your fuck-” Alex started.

The two girls jumped to the sound of Leo’s fist slamming so hard on top of Alex’s desk in between them. The rest of the class had turned to look at the three students in the weirdest situation. Julie and Alex looked down at his hand with widened eyes.

“Leo, was that necessary?” HAO asked as she looked over here glasses to see the boy hunched over Alex’s desk.

“I’m sorry, HAO.” He said softly.

“Go to your seat.” She commanded as she got up to start class.

“Yes ma’am.” He said.

He hesitated to move his hand.

 He only cowered back to his desk after he lifted his hand and saw Julie’s furious expression.

Julie Johnston looked down at the sight of the USB broken into mini pieces. The plastic and hardware pieces were splayed all over her teammate’s desk.

“Look at the mess you made.” Julie growled at Alex.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

Ash jumped at the sound of a knock on her glass window.

“What?” She yelled at him through a rolled down window.

“Where are you going?” Leo said in between his heavy pants. She could see that he had sprinted to her truck.

“None of your business.” She spat.

“You going to find Kelley?” He asked quickly.

“What’s it to you?”

“I wanna go with.” He said with resolution. He didn’t even wait for her to answer before he opened the door.

 

 

 

~~

 

Christen didn’t even stick around to see if Principal Sunny was going to start calling all of her teammates into the office. She knew that he wasn’t going to find much help other than an angry Julie Johnston with no proof to offer, other than a bunch of amateur porn sites that had images that could have been photo shopped.

_But they’re not._

She brushed off the guilt. Tobin was missing, Ashlyn was missing, Alex was dead on the inside, and she wasn’t too sure what had remained of her coach after the whole showdown. Needless to say, Christen didn’t have much room to worry about what Julie was going to say.

_She’s going to tell them what they already know._

There was no doubt in her mind that Kelley would never speak to her, nor Alex. Not after last night.

Tobin had looked at her last night in a way that almost killed Christen. When the midfielder looked at her for confirmation that they didn’t know about Coach Solo and Kelley, Christen could _feel_ Tobin’s heartbreak.

 _“WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME THAT YOU WERE FUCKING A TEENAGER?!?!”_ Tobin had yelled at everyone last night. It was a demand of Coach Solo, and everyone else.

“I hate you.” Tobin said through sobs.

As much as Christen knew that the statement was directed towards their coach, she couldn’t help but _feel_ that maybe it was meant for her too.

And now, a sun cycle after Tobin had fled the scene, Christen sat in her car outside of Tobin’s house listening to the phone ring. She dialed Tobin’s number again and again.

No answer.

_Leave a message after the tone:_

Christen sighed.

_Tobs. Please answer. I know that….This is a mess. None of this feels right. I know that. Can you…Can you please call me back? …………………………….._

_…………….._

_I didn’t want you to find out that way._

_Call me._

_~~_

Ashlyn let Erin’s voice echo in her head as she walked up the stone steps that led to the door. She didn’t even want to look back at Leo who had agreed to stay in the truck.

The goalkeeper took a deep breath before she placed her finger on the doorbell. After counting to ten, she pressed the button.

_1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi_

_She’s where she belongs, Ash. No fucking thanks to you._

_5 Mississippi, 6 Mississippi, 7 Mississippi, 8 Mississippi_

Ashlyn jumped at the sound of the door being opened. She almost died of a heart attack.

“Ashlyn.” A voice came out so flatly. The goalkeeper didn’t expect anything more from the person who looked at her with such blatant disdain.

“Hi Mrs. O’Hara.” Ashlyn gulped. “Is Kelley here?”

The goalkeeper stepped back a little when she noticed that the mother opened the door a little wider, but had stepped out to signal to Ash that she was not allowed in.

“She is. Who’s asking?” The woman asked aggressively.

“I-I-I am. Ma’am.” Ashlyn stuttered.

“Well, Ash. She’s here. But she’s not allowed to see anyone.” Mrs. O’Hara said like the conversation was over. Her menacing stare always had a chilling effect on the keeper.

“Oh ok-okay I just wante-” Ash stopped at the sight of a timid and heartbroken Kelley peaking her head out from around the corner.

Mrs. O’Hara followed her gaze.

“Okay. We’re done here.” The woman said before she closed the door on Ash’s face.

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

Syd looked on at the door that had just been slammed into her face.

_Rude._

This wasn’t the reaction she was expecting from Carli Lloyd. The trainer shook her head on the way back to her car. She dialed Paul’s phone number. Voice mail.

She texted Carli since the volleyball coach wasn’t in the mood to listen to her.

Syd: You don’t even know if it’s true. She’s your friend. Don’t forget that. [11:43pm]

_Of course it’s true._

She didn’t dare say that out loud. She just drove to Hope Solo’s house.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

Christen gave up. She hated herself for it. But Tobin wasn’t anywhere to be found. Christen retreated back to the place of the person that had made her feel so lonely. The person that dragged her to this lonely island.

“She’s in her room.” Mrs. Morgan said brightly. So brightly that Christen thought that the woman had too much sunshine in her body to notice how put out everyone else was. She walked down the hallway to Alex’s room, knowing that she would find solace in Alex’s shared misery.

But she was wrong.

She opened the door to find Tobin on Alex’s Morgan bed.

 

 

~~

 

 

 

 

“Baby, why are you out there by yourself? She’s probably in hiding. Which she should. She fucked up,” Dom said with a tired tone. Sydney could only imagine the soft bed that he was in, the one she should have been in at this time of night.

“She’s my friend.” Syd sighed.

“Babe. She’s a grown adult. She’s okay for now until the cops pick her up.” Dom said.

“You’re a lot of help.” Syd groaned.

“No point in trying to find her babe. She’s gonna turn up. I mean she wouldn’t be hanging out at her place anyways. And it’s not like she would be at that girl’s house-”

“I know I checked.” Syd said bitterly.

“Right, she’s not going to be anywhere you think she would be. She’s not that stupid is she?” Dom was close to falling asleep.

But Sydney wasn’t going to let it go. She’d try one more place.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

The trainer closed her car door quietly. Only a parking light lamp had illuminated the way, but she knew Hope long enough to know that this should have been the first place she checked. Syd felt the water from the wet grass permeate her sneakers as she listened to the 3 AM sprinklers skip all over the school soccer fields.

She made sure the her footsteps were loud enough for the figure standing in between the goal posts with her back to her, to hear.

If Hope did, she didn’t make a movement to indicate so.

The trainer stood ten steps away Hope Solo, who was eerily still, just looking up at the top crossbar. The night had enveloped the two, and sprinklers providing a soundtrack that chilled Sydney. She couldn’t explain it. She was 100% sure that Hope knew she was there. It was like Hope was inviting her to something. She didn’t know what.

“What are you doing?” Sydney asked with caution.

Hope didn’t move a muscle. She just kept looking up. Sydney didn’t understand. She took a step forward.

“I’m deciding.” Hope finally said.

Syd stopped in her tracks.

“Deciding on what?” Sydney whispered into the night. She saw the mist of breath from Hope’s sigh spray into the cold air.

“On if I should hang myself?”

Syd looked up at the crossbar. Her heart dropped.

 

 

~~

 

 

The trainer slowly grabbed the back of Hope’s shirt and pulled ever so gently at the cotton of Hope’s shirt so that she could pull her body closer to her.

“Don’t.” Syd whispered with a panic that she couldn’t disguise.

“That crossbar has been my savior throughout my life, Syd. Why can’t it be mine now?”

 

 

~~

 

 

“Because she needs you.” Syd said calmly.

“Who?” Hope turned around confused. Syd could see that Hope was starting to come back to Earth. Syd sighed in relief.

“Kelley.” Syd said with a nod.

Hope ran her fingers through her hair and chewed on the side of her fingernails hard. So hard that she started bleeding. Syd was grateful for the sign that Hope was still alive.

“You know about that, huh?”

Syd chose not to answer the question.

“You don’t have a rope in your hand.” Syd said with relief. “What are you-”

Syd looked down at the object near Hope’s feet that she hadn’t noticed before.

It was a suitcase.

“Where you going?” Syd asked before she took a big gulp, not wanting to know the answer.

 

 

 

 


	17. Make things go Boom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope didn't need an explanation for the tears because she knew, she always knew, what she was doing to Kelley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUPER SHORT CHAPTER - ONLY WAY I CAN GET THISNSTORY OUT TO YOU GUYS BEAR WITH ME THANK YOU

Hope wanted to take the words back. She wanted to reel it all in, but as the words came blazing through her mind and out her mouth, she could already feel the destruction of those fiery words onto Kelley. The girl absorbed everything Hope did. What she said, what she didn't say, what she did. Hope knew better.

So she had to question why she said it.

“My life was just not setup to love you.” It was the truest of truest of statements.

“I would set my life up just to love you.” This was also true. And Hope couldn't really argue with that. She had no response. She wanted to say everything. Anything. But she stood there with her left hand on her hip and her gaze down at the floor, fully aware of what her silence was doing.

Drowning. She was grasping for some air on if there was even a right decision she could make at this point in time.

_I chose her._

It was a decision. Maybe it was right. Hell, everything about it spelled something wrong, _but when someone looks at you like that.._.

Kelley had her eyes wide and vulnerable, just waiting and accepting her fate. Something about the way she seemed to surrender it all in this moment to Hope. This expression on her face squeezed something in Hope’s chest and she just knew that it was a right decision.

“Hope...”

And that's all it really took. A small whimper from Kelley, and Hope suddenly reached with her right hand to possessively grab a hold around Kelley's hip and pull her in closer.

_I decided. Long time ago._

She just needed a reminder that was all. She felt Kelley really give it all in the way her body melted into hers. The girl was shivering, she was sobbing. Hope didn't need an explanation for the tears because she knew, she always knew, what she was doing to Kelley.

“You fucking...” the girl managed to bury some words in Hope’s chest through some sobs.

“I'm the worst. I know.” Hope said as she brought her other hand to rub Kelley's back. The girl was so small and so fragile and the woman felt the power of being able to crush someone into crumbs.

“Are you going to leave me?” Kelley whispered as she brought her face out of the cove of Hope’s chest and gave her that look again.

“If I leave you, it's so that I can come back.”

“Why would you need to go?” Kelley so innocently asked.

The woman brushed aside some hairs from Kelley's face that were drenched in tears and she let her fingers there. She wanted the girl to remember her touch and how it made them both feel.

Time always made sure that these moments never lasted. It never failed. The possibility of infinite love would always be encumbered by real life. Hope could hear the footsteps of someone approaching and she could almost recognize the sound of the footsteps and the gait of the stride, in fact she knew who was approaching them, but she chose to look back down at Kelley for a little bit longer. Because, if she were to choose, it would always be Kelley.

It was the girl who turned to look at Tobin first. Her widened eyes signaled the actual end of Hope’s old life.

“What the shit is this????” Tobin almost screamed.

_Remember, it was a decision._

There was no point in denying because there was no way to refute the possessive hold that these two had on each other. Hope just turned around when she looked up and saw Christen and Alex approaching.

The woman was finding success in blocking out the exact panicked words being thrown between Kelley and Tobin, and she was expecting to feel the heat of Alex's stare.

But she didn't.

When hope had turned back around with a defeated expression to look at all four of the girls, she just saw terror in Christen and Alex's eyes. There was a strange sense of regret.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Tobin yelled from her belly.

“NOTHING!” Kelley yelled back. “I told you that it's fine! It's okay!”

“I’M NOT FUCKING TALKING TO YOU!” Tobin had thrusted her finger into Kelley's face, and Hope was starting to get why the other two girls were terrified.

This was a side of Tobin that Hope had never seen before. She was violent and brutal and nothing about the way she was addressing Kelley seemed like her actions were not out of care for Kelley. She was coercively shoving her teammate to the side and that accusatory finger was wagging at Hope.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Tobin demanded.

The woman instinctively sized up the human that seemed to be on attack towards her, but she put her hands in her pocket to tame any reaction her body might have to this perceived threat.

“I'm-”

“You're ruining someone’s life!” Tobin spat.

“It's not like that.” Hope and Kelley said at the same time. Tobin didn't turn around to look at Kelley because there was no question that Tobin wanted Hope to answer all of the questions.

“Yes it is! And you're going to ruin it, just like YOUR life was!” Tobin said with a bloodthirsty eyes that were tinged with poison.

“I'm not trying-”

“NO. I read about it! I know about it! And i fucking lived with it in seeing how disappointed you are that you're coaching us!”

That really hurt Hope.

“I'm not- I love coaching you guys.” Hope said defeatedly. Maybe in the beginning she knew that she couldn't really hide the resentment that sat in her muscles, but she truly found value in seeing them grow.

“Do you love coaching us? Or do you love coaching Kelley??”

Everyone could feel the burn from that zinger.

“Tobs, cmon. Please don't be like that.” Kelley begged. She tried to pull the midfielder back by the tail of the shirt but found that she was not going to back down. The forward turned to look at the other two were standing their with wide eyes and opened mouths.

“Is this what you fucking wanted?” Kelley asked with desperation.

“What did you expect?” The girl spat when Alex shook her head.

Christen stepped forward and inched her way to Tobin and kept her eyes on her tense and flexed back. She tried to drown out the yells from Tobin and the hateful words she was starting to throw out. She put her hand out so gently on the midfielder’s shoulder.

And maybe because the chemicals in their body made the exact recipe to make things go boom, the touch of Christen’s hand made Tobin spin around from Hope and face them.

The midfielder was hyperventilating and her fingernails scraping at her cheeks.

“Breathe Tobs, breathe.” Alex called out.

“WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME THAT YOU WERE FUCKING A TEENAGER?!?!” Tobin yelled at the sky with her back to Hope.

“Because you knew.” Tobin said with venom. She looked at Christen. She looked at Alex. “You fucking knew.”

“I can see it right on your fucking face.” Tobin yelled. The tears were coming down.

Christen put her hand out again. “Tobs, it's complicated.” She said slowly.

The tanned midfielder turned on her heel and now her back was to the girls.

“I hate you.” Tobin said through shaking sobs.

Christen and Hope locked eyes for a second and they both questioned in that moment in time on who that statement was directed to. It kind of felt like it was the both of them.

Tobin's knees hit the gravel of Hope’s parking lot as her body gave way to the desperation and sadness she felt.

Kelley, Christen, and Alex took their steps forward to pick Tobin back up, but they only got so far when everyone's head whipped up at the sight of a familiar car pulling up.

“What are you doing here Erin?” Kelley started crying at the stinging panic.

Hope took a big gulp when she saw Olivia step out of the passenger side of the seat with a curious look that was unveiled when she put her sunglasses on her head.

 


	18. What Has the World Done to you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter blah blah blah.

Olivia rubbed the tips of the thumbs against one another as she stared down at the dirt in her fingernails and tried to occupy her body while her mind raced.

The knots in her stomach twisted tighter and tighter as the seconds passed and the number of trees they passed on the road grew in number. Olivia didn't want to look at Erin. She was immobilized by anxiety and the thought of seeing Hope again.

The soccer coach had been on her mind eternally. Like a nagging fly that came and went but somehow always ended buzzing in her ear, Olivia hadn't been able to shake off the strange breakup between her and Hope.

The older woman had the amazing ability to drag her fingers all along Olivia’s body and make it feel like she was etching the story of their intertwined lives all along the planes of her body. It just seemed that Hope knew what to say and what not to say to make Olivia wanting the impossible because with Hope, it always seemed in reach.

  
When she stared at Olivia, it seemed like maybe she was enough to make this woman settle down on this Earth and her heart would be tethered to her own. And living on the maybe with Hope was the most thrilling and gratifying experience that resulted in satiated desires.

So as she listened to the tires hit the road and she felt her and Erin get nearer to Hope’s house, she started to panic a little at the idea that the feelings were all an illusion. The breakup was mysterious and choppy and it left Olivia feeling like it all was in fact just Hope having to deal with some demons she had battled before, ones that Hope had revealed casually but Olivia knew were anything but casual. But when Erin had tangled her earlier in the day and told her about the tipoff she got from Heather, Olivia and her stomach were starting to realize that there was a possibility that Hope was just giving herself to someone else.

She put the sunglasses on her head over her eyes so that Erin couldn't see the worry in the lines on the sides of her eyes. She put her hands over her stomach to muffle the noise it was making from the anxiety bubbling within.

“Are you okay?” Erin asked. She knew the answer was no, but she felt like the silence was starting to get to her own head.

Erin gripped the steering wheel tight when they pulled into Hope’s driveway and she took in the sight in front of her windshield. Nothing about the scene in front of them made sense.

The older O’Hara shut off the engine quick when she could hear the panicked voice of her little sister. Kelley was acting like she had been caught. Erin swung open her door at the sight of Tobin crumpled on the floor, the thought of Hope’s double dating life being cast away.

“What happened?” Erin asked as she rushed over to Tobin.

“Nothing.” Kelley quickly offered as she slowly sat up from her protective crouched position over Tobin.

“What is going on?? Why are you on the floor? Are you hurt?” Erin asked. She met eyes with Tobin’s who were filled with wet pools of acrimony. It was a jarring sight.

The oldest sister then looked up at the only adult who had been her before she had arrived. She scanned Hope’s face for any sign of awareness, but she could see the rigidity to her posture and a sort of dread that seemed to radiate from her slumped shoulders. Erin traced the line of vision of the soccer coach and looked to see Olivia staring right back at Hope with a confused and curious look.

“What's going on here?” Erin directed towards Hope.

It was silent for a second. And during that period of time, Hope had tore her gaze away from Olivia and her eyes had met those of Erin. Tobin's enraged stare did not throw Erin off as much as this stare that Hope had given her in this moment.

_I'm sorry._

That's what that stare said. And it wasn't that Hope seemed like someone who never apologized, but the it was the fact that Erin had intruded upon a very strange scene, and an apology given before an explanation meant trouble.

“I'll tell you what's going on, Coach Solo is fucking a player of hers!” Tobin snorted.

“Tobin.” Christen said with a sense of disgust. Erin looked at the girl with black hair that was down on one knee in front of the tanned midfielder, with one hand on her arm, and a scolding expression.

“What, Christen?? Am I lying?” Tobin spat back.

“Stop.” Christen commanded.

“What is she talking about?” Everyone turned at the sound of Olivia’s monotone voice as she stepped away from the car and closer to the group with her arms folded in front of her.

“Nothing! Tobin's being dumb.” Kelley said with a voice that was so light and careful that everyone could literally hear her heartbeat in her voice.

“Kelley don't lie to me.” Erin growled.

“I'm not! This is all just a misunderstanding and really bad timing!” Kelley yelled. But the Irish in her was betraying her countenance as her whole face turned red.

“Christen. What is happening here?” Erin barked. Her patience had been worn down and now it was like everyone was covering up a murder.

Everyone looked at the way Christen opened and closed her mouth and the way she looked at Alex for an explanation. Everyone but Olivia.

The woman stepped forward into the comfort zone of Hope Solo, who didn't move a muscle. All of the teenagers watched, and Kelley stayed rooted in her spot, her instincts telling her to put more space in between the two women, but her brain reminding her of the situation.

Olivia sauntered over with her sunglasses on her head and her arms still folded and her calculating eyes taking in the visual cues of her ex-girlfriend. She only stopped when there were a few inches in between their faces, the same amount of distance they found comfort in before they kissed.

“Are you sleeping with one of these girls?” Olivia asked slowly. And knowingly.

Hope eyes lazily drifted to the side for a second as her mind searched for the appropriate response.

“No, she's not.” Kelley said impatiently.

But Olivia didn't turn around, and Erin was starting to feel the initial tingle dog anger forming in her fingertips at the realization of what was going on.

“Are you?” Olivia whispered. She asked like it was only the two of them, and her furrowed brow and her despondent expression told Hope that she already knew the answer. It wasn't the lack of response from the oldest woman, but it was in the meeting of their eyes when Olivia had stepped out of the car.

Hope had already surrendered.

“She's not.” Alex called out. “It's just a misunderstanding.”

“Which one is it?” Olivia's stare unwaveringly unraveled Hope, who had already come to terms that it was all over for her. The personal trainer had asked the question knowing that everyone could hear, but she only demanded it from the one person who owed her the answer.

The soccer coach’s lips parted like she wanted to say something, but no words came out, and her eyes stayed on Olivia’s face because she didn't want to look at the person who she ALWAYS would want to look at.

The sound of the gravel beneath Olivia's feet crunched when she turned on her heel and looked at all of the girls. One by one, she looked at their faces.

She dissected every twitch, analyzed every furrowed brow, and researched the patterns of their eye movements. Everyone else didn't dare move from their spot. Olivia had walked up to Christen who seemed to be in the defensive, and she gave Olivia that same disgusted/bewildered look that she had given Tobin. She sauntered over to Alex, whose every pore on her face was filled with terror. Olivia looked down at Tobin who looked irritated with everything.

Then she slowly turned around and before Olivia met the stare of Kelley, she just knew. She just fucking knew. With every step she took towards Kelley, it seemed like her feet got heavier, weighted with the knowledge that was sauntering over to the other woman.

Olivia could see right through Kelley’s obvious attempt to keep a neutral face. But the older woman had a smile on her face, one that was on the edge of laughter, one that said are you fucking kidding me? I got cheated on with a kid.

The woman looked down at Kelley and just shook her head in disbelief.

The anger in Erin’s body had bubbled up to the tips of her ears. The thought of one of these girls being taken advantage of someone she thought was a decent person was starting to hit her right in the gut. She stared Hope down so hard when Olivia had fired off the poignant questions, and her fists were clenched at the instinct to protect, it didn't matter which girl it was.

But Erin found it very intriguing on Olivia’s journey to find out which girl it was. And she found it damning when she watched Hope take a little step forward only when Olivia had reached her little sister.

“Kelley fucking O’Hara.” Erin didn't want to hear that name. She didn't want to see the genuine pity on her friend's face when she looked down at her little sister.

“What has the world done to you?” Olivia whispered sadly.

Erin watched the way Kelley's eyes shifted.

“Nothing.” Kelley said softly. Erin bowed her head in defeat because nothing about that response felt like a denial.

“You're just a kid.” Olivia whispered again.

The woman watched Kelley's expression falter. “I'm not.” She said, equally as soft.

Erin saw red.

“It's not her. It's me!”

Everyone turned to look at Alex Morgan and evaluate the statement she made.

“It's not Kelley. It's me.” Alex reassured.

“Al, stop fucking lying!” Tobin yelled as she stood up. “Everyone just stop fucking lying!”

“Erin.” Alex called out “it's me, it's not Kelley.” Alex said as she stepped forward.

But the twitch in Olivia’s face solidified the notion that none of these teenagers were to be trusted (let alone the woman before them). Erin grabbed Kelley by the ear and dragged her to the car.

“Get in the fucking car.” She growled to her little sister. It was violent and met with a lot of protests from her friends. Shouts of “it’s not her” or “Erin, stop!” Went unheard and she even muscled off the arms of Christen and Alex trying to pull the little sister away.

“Erin, please it's not what you think.” Kelley whimpered before Erin had slammed the door shut.

“Don't get out of this fucking car!” Erin yelled. She wanted to blast her head off at the two teenage girls in front of her for enabling this situation. She wanted to really lay it in them that they were responsible for what had happened. But they both looked so small and so young, and she took a deep breath to remind herself of who they were and whose responsibility this all was.

“Erin. It really isn't what you think.” Christen offered.

“Both of you get in the fucking car before I kill you two.” Erin growled. The two girls obeyed. The oldest O’Hara looked around for Tobin and sighed at the sight of the girl 50 yards away, fleeing the scene. She then laid her eyes on Olivia and Hope.

“Who are you?” Olivia asked with disgust.

“I'm..”

“Are you the same person that I met??” Olivia was shaking her head in disbelief at all of this. It was a situation that nobody expected be in.

“Did I really not detect that you're this-...this...” she waved her hand up and down Hope’s body and her disgust overpowered her ability to come up with an appropriate word.

“Fuck, Hope. She's a fucking kid.”

“She's of ag-”

“No, fuck off.” Olivia warned. “Don't go there. You took advantage of her.”

Hope shut her mouth and accepted it all.

“You need help.” Olivia said, she looked like she wanted to throw up.

The woman turned around at the sound of gravel being crunched by fast approaching footsteps, and before anyone could digest what happened, Hope felt a blow across her face that left her cheek stinging. She held it with both hands.

“You better go somewhere so far that I won't be able to find you. Because when I do, I will fucking murder you.” Erin growled into her face.

That threat echoed in Hope’s ears as she watched Erin’s car, full of the party of people that would dig her grave, drive away.

She couldn't even see Kelley's face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone still even read o'solo???????


	19. Repentance would never be enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy you all still read this :)

 

*THAT NIGHT*  
The bruise was starting to form on her cheek and looked as if she had just emerged from a bar fight that she wished she could say the other guy looked worse. But it wasn’t true. Erin’s fist, Olivia’s words, and Tobin’s venom were enough to beat her into a mental pulp.

Hope had sat down in the middle of her driveway for an amount of time that was enough for her to relive her life in her head and ruminate where it had all gone wrong. She picked at the stones in her driveway and tried to pinpoint the moment in time in which she could have made a better decision. She didn’t know if all of her problems started when her career ended, or if it was when she met Kelley.

Those two events in her life had surely gotten her to this pathetic slump and now as she laid back down and stared at the sky, she was beginning to question how much longer she had to live. When was Father Time going to run out her clock?

Choices had been made, and they were made in the end. There was no denying that. If Hope were to cast away what people were going to say about her now until the end of time, she would have to forever sit with thought of if she had made the right decisions.

Kelley was the right decision. _Was she_?

“You’ve fucked up more than once, Solo.” She said out loud. _But was Kelley one of them?_

Hope rung her wrists to rub out the stinging panic that was starting creep up her skin. She looked down at them and imagined handcuffs on them. She rubbed her neck when for the first time in her life, she felt the sinews of an imaginary rope tight around her neck. For a flash, she dug her nails into skin and pulled down on it so that she could bleed. So that this moment could pass. So that she could live.

The airways formed from her lungs and out her neck were closing as the panic spread throughout and her only hope that she wouldn’t succumb to this anxiety was the sensation of the warm blood that dripped from her cuts on her neck, a reminder that she was still alive.

Hope Solo put her arms out wide with her back onto the ground like she was embracing the world, asking for forgiveness.

_What do you want?_ She asked the sky.

_If it’s my life you want, I’ll give it to you and not to a pair of handcuffs._

The repentance would never be enough. Tears started to fall, but all the while, she knew that Earth would demand more of her.

 

~~

  
“I don’t ever want to speak to you.”

Hope didn’t expect those words. She looked down at her wrists again, imagining those shackles.

“I made a mistake, Car.” She whispered into the night.

“This is beyond a ‘mistake’” The volleyball coach said with a tone of disgust that Hope knew she would have to get used to. For the rest of her life.

“I want to take a shower at the thought of you. You fucking...” Carli couldn’t finish her sentence. Her grip on the edge of her door tightened as the desire to slam it in Hope’s face grew by the second.

“Was the mistake sleeping with a student? Was it lying to me?? Was it covering all of this shit up like it was something to be ashamed of?” The vein in Carli’s neck prominently bulged.

“My mistake was in not telling you.” Hope said quietly.

“No!” Carli stepped a little closer to Hope. “Let me make this very clear, FIFA. If you had told me back then, I would have crucified you in that moment. I don’t associate with this kind of...FUCK!”

Hope backed away a little to accommodate the freak out that Carli was starting to have. “Those kids trust you! Those parents at the school! They trust us! What’re you-” Carli pulled bunches of her hair out. And then she took a deep breath and looked at Hope.

“What were you thinking? Were you thinking?” Hope could tell that it was a moment in which Carli was susceptible to forgiving her, but the truth will out, and there was no explanation to give.

“I was thinking.”

“WHAT? What were you thinking??” Carli yelled.

Both of them were breathing heavy.

The soccer coach opened her mouth. Then she closed it. There was no way to eloquently describe the mental processes of Hope Solo and how she decided to fuck it all up. She wasn’t a loquacious individual to begin with, and her best friend’s stare was starting to make her feel that imaginary rope again. It was starting to become tight again  

“I-I-I”

“What Hope?” Carli exasperatedly demanded.

“I was thinking that it would all be worth it.” She admitted.

“YOU MEAN YOU STARTED A RELATIONSHIP WITH A STUDENT WHILE SOBER?!?” Carli yelled.

“Car-”

“YOU-YOU- Are YOU FUCKIN SERIOUS??” Fire came out of her nose, and daggers through her eyes.

“She’s just a fucking kid, FIFA!” Carli yelled. “Is it worth it? Is it fucking worth it?”

“I, I don’t know.” Hope said sadly.

“Well guess what. You don’t get her. And you don’t get me. Because you’re a fucking pedophile.”

The ‘P’ word set Hope off.

“Give me a fucking break, Carli!” Hope’s lip was upturned and for once, the fighter in her ensnared and she came to life. “She’s fucking 18 years old, I broke some school rules, that’s the extent!”

“I want to wring your throat so much right now, Solo. Do you really not realize the damage you’ve caused to that poor girl??”

“Fucking please! You think I don’t think about how every little thing I do affects her?!? You think I don’t know what I’m doing?! It’s a responsibility I’ve carried on MY BACK, so GET OFF OF IT, CARLI LLOYD!!”

“Well good luck with that. She’s fucked if someone as spineless as you is carrying that responsibility.” Carli spat. Hope closed her eyes at the realization that she was going to lose someone important. She was moments away from it happening.

“Don’t come around here.” Carli warned. “Don’t talk to me.”

“I’m leaving Carli.” Hope said sadly.

“Don’t come back.”

That rope around Hope’s neck was tightening even more.  The restricted airways created the illusion that it was starting to become real. The woman didn’t know anymore what to believe.

“I’m serious. Don’t talk to me. Don’t text me. I don’t care where you go, I don’t care what happens to you. And I’m not lying for you anymore.”

Hope looked up at that statement.

“I told Jerramy and Sunil that I didn’t believe this fucking rumor for one second, but that’s the last I’m going to do for you. Get out of my life, and for her sake, Get out of Kelley’s.”

Hope looked down at the darkened concrete of Carli’s porch as her former friend slammed the door in her face. She didn’t know when she would ever hear Carli’s voice again.

 

  
~~

 

“I’m so sorry, Liv.” Erin said as leaned back onto the passenger door of her car.

The woman broke out of her zoned out gaze and looked at Erin like she had just grown three heads. “What are you sorry for??”

“I don’t know..this shitty situation!” Erin said in frustration.

“It’s not your fault.” Olivia offered. “None of this is your fault. I’m sorry about Kelley. I'm worried about her!”

"Dont fucking worry about me!" Kelley's voice came from within the car.

Erin’s shoulders sagged. It sagged under the weight she felt of the responsibilities that she had failed to bear with the absence of her parents in Kelley's life. The whole car ride back to her apartment was silent and uncomfortable, and it gave Erin the tortuous task of finding out where she had failed as a sister.

_How did I not know? How was it that I needed HEATHER MITTENS to tell me what was going on in Kelley's life?_

Every time she looked to the side at her little sister, she wondered what else she didn't know about this human being next to her. _What plights have your suffered under my watch_? Erin knew she was charming. _Charming enough to seduce her coach_? Erin had to question if it really was the woman’s fault. Was it Kelley's fault? _Kelley is smart enough to know what she's doing_.

The oldest O’Hara struggled with the dilemma in her head. She knew Kelley in and out and she knew how determined her sister was. Erin knew how good looking her whole family was, and she knew that Kelley was a different breed of human being that on paper, probably had no problem getting whomever she pleased.

But Erin didn't know Hope. It was her responsibility to stop all of his. She's the adult. Erin couldn't process why someone would leave Olivia.

She didn't want to think about any of this. When they had arrived at her apartment, and she had opened her mouth to apologize for doing this to Olivia, she didn't know what to think anymore.

“Just take care of your sister, okay?” Olivia asked sweetly. “Hope is a...she can do a real number on someone. So look out for her.” Olivia nodded to the girl inside of the car.

“Who’s looking out for you?” Erin asked quietly.

Olivia shrugged. She had a sad smile on her face.

“I'm old enough to take care of myself. Others can't say the same.”

 

 

~~

 

 

“I don't want to! Why are you doing this to me??” Kelley sobbed. She pushed Erin back a few steps.

“Grow up, O’hara.” Erin growled.

“How can you tell me to grow up when you're forcing me to live back with mom and dad??” Kelley couldn't control the shakiness on her voice and she felt the horrific frenzy of a freak out when the porch light of her childhood home came on behind them.

“Because I don't know what to do with you!” Erin started crying as well. “I don't know how to keep you safe! I failed you!”

“You said that you would be there for me! You said that it was me and you against the world! YOU said that you would help me make my dream come true!! That's not gonna happen the instant that I move back in!” Kelley screamed.

“OH AND SCREWING YOUR WASHED UP HAS BEEN OF A COACH IS?!?”

Kelley covered her ears and she paced back and forth. She could feel her parents on the other side of the front door and she never imagined that life would end up this way. She didn't listen to a single word her sister was saying and all she could feel in heart was betrayal.

“Why are you putting your life dream into the hands of someone who is set up just to take advantage of you??” Erin yelled.

“IT’S NOT LIKE THAT!” Kelley rebutted. “If you would let me explain for like two freaking seconds, you would know that...” Kelley shook from the adrenaline. “I love her Erin. And it’s not so that she can help me with that. I love her.”

She reminded Erin about their bond. Kelley recounted the moments they shared before their parents kicked Kelley out. She cried as she reminded her older sister that her dreams were her life and Erin was her savior, and that Hope just happened to be someone that could help.

“You said that you'd let me pursue my dreams.” Kelley sulked.

“I said that I'd do anything for to become a professional soccer player, not the fuck toy of a pathetic high school coach whose soccer career went nowhere!”

Kelley stood up for Hope. From the first kiss, until the day she died.

“She's my everything.” Kelley admitted.

“Nobody should be your everything, Kell.” Erin said sadly.

“She's taught me more about this game and myself than anything else.”

“It's a mistake to think that.” Erin said, the exhaustion in her voice was evident.

“Why?? I love her and she loves me. That should be enough.”

“Because if you're going to make your dreams come true, you have to put that responsibility and that credit on NO ONE but you.” Kelley grew quiet.

“Stop relying on that woman, and stop relying on me. You were born with all you needed to succeed and the person that gave you that is right behind that door.”

Kelley put her head down as Erin pointed at the front door of their parent’s house.

“Go back home, O’Hara. Everything you need is there.”

  
Kelley closed her eyes and braced herself when she heard the front door click open.

  
~~

 

*THE DAY AFTER*  
“What are you doing here?” Christen breathed. She looked on at Tobin laying in Alex’s bed, Morgan nowhere in sight.

“I'm hiding from you.” Tobin said defiantly.

“Why??”

Tobin went on about the lies. The little white ones that pinned at her heart, and the big ones that drove daggers through her body.

“How did you not tell me about Coach Solo?” Tobin demanded.

Christen sighed and through her explanation, she couldn't help question why Tobin was here. She offered to Tobin that she kept it a secret for Kelley's benefit, or Tobin's if you wanted to look at it that way. None of this was right, and it came down to a decision that the parties involved would be given the decision to make it right.

“Kelley can't make this decisions for herself!” Tobin spat.

“Why not?” Christen pushed. “Kelley's old enough. She of age, Tobs.”

The midfielder stood speechless at those words and she stood surprised that Christen of all people was coming to Hope’s defense.

“You can kill that image of Coach as you hero in your head, but this situation is more complex than that woman that you put on a pedestal.”

Tobin snorted.

“You can act like what I said isn't true, but in your mind you know that it is.” Christen pushed. “I know how much you care about Coach. I know you’re hurt by it. But Coach loved her.”

“Bullshit.” Tobin called.

“She did.” Christen said firmly. “I saw it. With my eyes. And in those pictures. It doesn't mean I agree, but it also doesn't mean that I've branded her the bad guy.”

“You should have told me.” Tobin said bitterly.

“So that you could overreact?”

“SO THAT I WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT COACH SOLO IS A-” Tobin stopped short of branding her favorite person. Tobin’s shoulder deflated.

“Why aren't you demanding this of Alex?! The girl whose bed I find you laying in?” Christen asked.

“Because you're my..” Tobin stuttered.

“Am I your girlfriend?” Christen spat. “If so, again, why are you in Alex’s bedroom?”

“I thought that YOU would have told me this! I thought that Kell- I thought- fuck I thought that I meant something to you. To ALL of you!” Tobin shouted. Christen was pretty sure that Alex's mom could hear them.

“You do.” Christen breathed out.

“Then why didn't you tell me?”

“I know as much as you do, Tobs.” Christen surrendered. “I've known it for longer, but I know as much as you. Okay? Kelley and I haven't even had a real conversation about any of this.”

Christen sat on the bed next to Tobin.

“None of us have had this conversation with her.” Christen said sadly.

“Why do I feel still betrayed?” Tobin asked sadly. “Why do I feel like I've been the one taken advantage of...?”

“Because you loved coach Solo. Like we all do.” Christen said quietly. She looked around Alex's room and wondered if things would ever be the same.

“I don't.” Tobin said strongly. “I hate her. I hope she fucking burns in hell.”

“Tobs...” Christen could understand the anger, but she didn't want to misguide it into hate.

“I trusted her. You trusted her. She-” Tobin couldn’t finish.

“I know.” Christen softly offered. “But your hate isn't going to solve anything. You should know that.” She put up her hand and reached out to the cross hanging off of a necklace around Tobin's neck. They both looked at it in silence.

“Chris, I....I did something really shitty.” Tobin sounded scared. Christen braced herself. It seemed like nowadays, everyone was bound to do something shitty.

She further inquired and pushed the midfielder, who seemed to shake with panic and realization. Tobin didn't budge. She shook her head and Christen backed off, knowing that she would be told in time.

“I tried to find answers.”

“I thought Alex could give me the answers.” Tobin said strongly. “She's given them to me before.”

Christen thought of the night of Kelley's birthday party. She thought of the kind of answers Alex Morgan was used to giving.

“Why do you need to go to her?” It was pathetic but Christen could feel the innate animal of jealousy growl inside of her. It has growled before and the girl never really quite tamed it.

“Because she's my friend.”

“Yeah but is she more?” Christen demanded. Because she about had it with the bullshit.

 

 

~~

 

  
*THAT NIGHT*

Alex wiped sweat on her palms on her denim shorts and she with the back of her hand she wiped the dirt from her shins. She hadn't climbed this tree she was currently hanging on in what seemed like forever ago.

Alex took a deep breath before she leaned all the way forward without killing herself, before she found the ledge to hold onto with her hands. She made sure that her footing was secure before she knocked on the window.

She could see Kelley's shadow move in the background and she could hear the audible and exasperated sigh that had escaped from her friend’s mouth.

“I don't want to talk to you.” Kelley's sad voice came through the glass. Alex could see from the lamp in Kelley's childhood bedroom that Kelley was standing right by the window, but her appearance masked behind the blinds.

“Well I want to talk to you.” Alex said.

The blinds abruptly came up.

“I hate you.” Kelley whispered.

Even though Alex's footing on the branch was secure, she still felt like she was falling. Kelley never talked to her like that. Even through all of the fights and arguments, if she ever said something like that it was riddled with a joking tone and a loving affection. But this time it was defeated and serious.

“I love you. Don't talk to me like that.” Alex said, the hurt evident in her face.

“You ruined everything.”

“I didn't mean to. I can fix it.” Alex said quickly. Her eyes followed her friend who stepped away from the window. Through muscle memory and the thousand times she did this in their childhood, Alex maneuvered her way into Kelley's room.

“This is what you set out to do, Al. Don't tell me that you didn't mean to do it. Congrats. You finally succeeded in fucking me over.”

Alex did all she could to convey to Kelley that she had meant to protect her. It wasn't to hurt. And now that she could see how much she had caused the hurt, she wished she could take it all back.

“I love you, Kell. I really do. I've been through everything with you. “ Alex got down on her knees. “And I would do anything for you. I would. I'll fix it. I swear.”

She watched Kelley's unchanged face. She could see the red rims around Kelley's eyes, ones that had dried from the hours before. She could see the lack of empathy in the girl's eyes, and the rigid posture of Kelley that seemed to tower and admonish a kneeling Alex.

“Morgan. You can't give me the one thing that I want. She's gone.”

Alex sat back of her heels.

“What do you mean, ‘gone’?”

Kelley shook her head like she was tired of this conversation. Tired of this friendship. Tired of her life.

“Morgan.” Kelley sighed.

“What, kell?” Alex asked, attentive.

“Get off your knees, you're not sucking my dick. And get out of my life. For good.”

Alex slowly stood up. And with an eerie ringing in her ears, she took one last look at Kelley before she climbed out the window, and out of Kelley's life.

 

  
~~

 

*THE NIGHT AFTER*

Paul sighed in relief and hugged his best friend the instant the doors opened and he saw Dom waiting for him in the parking lot.

“You look like shit, bruv.” Dom said as he help Paul within arm's length.

“You should see the other guy.” Paul laughed.

“So you gonna tell me what all that's about?” Dom asked. They made their way to the car.

“Well first, where's Hope?”

“Syd looking for her. All bent out later shape cuz she can't find her. I told her to give it up. Hope will turn up when shit dies down.”

“It ain't gonna die down.” Paul said solemnly. “That fucker said it was gonna be a full investigation. 5 o’clock news special.”

“I hate that guy.” Dom said. “Syd said he was an asshole after finding out about Hope being a lesbian.

“It's why I clocked him.” Paul said with a grin.

“And landed yourself in Peachtree jail. Gangster.”

“Yeah whatever. He deserved it, innit? Telling me and carli that Hope’s going to jail or fired or whatever.”

“Well...is she?” Dom asked. They got to the car and buckled their seat belts.

“I don't know. Haven't talked to her. But I gotta feeling that I won't hear from her for awhile.”

“She's gonna run?” Dom asked in disbelief.

“She dun it before.” Paul said with a nod to her head.

“Well fuck. They'll go looking for her.” Dom warned.

“Eh. Don't got much man. Kids 18. There ain't no official rule in the school district about it.”

Paul looked to the side at his friend who had his mouth open in awe.

“I checked, mate. She just will have her name thrown in the mud. All over the news. But nothing serious. That's all.”

Dom put the car in drive and drove on, not too sure about anything anymore.

“So you're gonna have some charges against you from that Jeramy character?”

Paul nodded.

“Not my first.” They both laughed at that.

“What he say bruv that got you all worked up?”

“He came up to me and carli when she was telling me the situation. She was all worked up. And he came over and talking all sorts of crap. But he said he wasn't the one that done it. He wasn't the one who told.”

“Well then who the fuck told?” Dom asked.

Paul shrugged his shoulders.

“Said some teacher. A Heather? I don't know, carli knows her.”

“Well shit. I wished a teacher would have slept with me when I was a senior.” Dom chuckled.

 

 

~~

 

*THAT NIGHT*

  
Kelley put her hands on her window sill as she looked out at the darkening sky. She didn't think that she had any more energy after the conversation she just had with her mom and dad. She didn't want to spend her time looking around at all the things she left behind when she had moved out.

Kelley didn't want to believe her dad's words when he told her that Erin had been keeping them up to date with Kelley's life. She didn't want to feel so betrayed by EVERYONE. She didn't think that she had any more to give tonight.

The girl stared out into the night and she wondered what Hope was doing. She looked away when Erin had punched her in the face, and she had strained her neck to take one lady look at her before she was carted away.

But Kelley didn't have to strain so much to see Hope’s figure approaching her lawn as she stood there.

She grew excited. She didn't even question how Hope knew where her parents house was, because in that slice of time, all that mattered was that Hope had found a way to see her.

Kelley looked down at this silent figure, who was looking up at her.

Kelley met Hope’s eyes.

Kelley's heart stopped. Her brain went numb.

Because her whole body knew Hope wasn't gonna stay.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk when I crossed the line of a regular, run of the mill, osolo fic, but I know that I have crossed it.   
> Leave a comment yo. Or drop by my Tumblr wretchedthorium.tumblr.com


	20. When is there not bad news when it comes to Hope Solo?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll edit lateeeeeeeeeeeeeeer

 

~~ 

Winter was always Kelley’s favorite time of the year. The frosted air and visible breaths, and the way her body shivered and moved in the cold reminded her that she was still alive. The numbness to any positive emotion other than the adrenaline of scoring a goal was starting to erode away her personality. She was a blurred body with striking edges sharpened by only anger and adrenaline. She relished the fact that the cold seemed to jump start her body into coming into life, and the winter seemed to always be in the upward swing of a cycle in which she could find a little happiness. She surmised that only a small part of it coincided with the winter break from school. Plus, it was an acceptable time of the year to drink copious amount of coffee.

Usually, she would drink 4 cups in the morning just so that she had the courage to leave her house. The shakes and shits were worth it on the pitch, but she didn’t want to really think about how she needed it in order to interact with people. Her eyes bulged and her stare intense, but it wasn’t out of the ordinary since she always used to be like that. Passionate and driven.

The change now was that if it was for anything other than soccer, it was all a façade.

“Damn, you didn’t even wait for us.” Ash said with mock disappointment as she pulled the chair across the tile floor of the Starbucks.

“You said 4. It’s 4:02 dude.” Kelley threw back.

“You’re not that punctual to chem class.” Christen said with a smirk when she grabbed the cup from Kelley’s hand and took a sip. Kelley downed half of the 20 oz. of soul soothing coffee before Ashlyn and Christen took their ordered drinks to the table she was sitting at.

“Did you invite Leo?” Ashlyn asked as she hesitated to take the first sip and poison test her drink. Kelley nodded and started to regret coming out and agreeing to this hangout. It was starting to feel like a chore already. Her eyes were cast down into her cup and she knew that she couldn’t blame her drink for not giving her the energy to interact with people. It wasn’t the cup’s fault, she knew.

She tried not to notice the caring and concerned eyes of Ash as they all talked about what they had been up to during the school year, and she continued to sip into her cup to deflect the care of a true friend. She tapped her foot on the floor incessantly, hoping that Leo would hurry up and get there already.

“Can you like…quit your shit and just be real with me?” Kelley heard Ashlyn say suddenly. The Stanford forward looked up in surprise at the change of tone, and then felt Christen’s hand on her thigh. It was put there to sooth the anxiety that was manifesting in the form of a restless leg. It was their agreed upon sign to each other to calm down.

Kelley’s shoulders sagged.

“What are you talking about?” She asked slowly. She braced for the realness.

“Can you...” Ashlyn’s eyes darted back and forth, up and down her face, “tell me what’s up with you?”

Kelley felt Christen’s hand squeeze tight on her thigh. _Don’t lie._

“I’m tired.” It was true.

“So am I.” Ashlyn said with her stare still intense. “But you know what I mean.”

She ran her fingers through the bun perched on her head and then looked down at Christen’s hand and grew annoyed.

“I’m done with this topic.”

“It just started.” Ashlyn bit back.

“Yeah, well I’M DONE.” Kelley raised her voice a little. She hoped that the edge of her clenched jaw would cut this conversation short. She looked away from the two of them and she felt Christen’s hand burn the reminder into her that she was being unreasonable.

“You’re being un-”

“I KNOW.” Kelley hissed at Christen.

Ashlyn could tell it was a conversation that the two Stanford girls had many times. She watched the way Christen’s nonverbal expressions were trying to warn Kelley that they had been through this before. The UNC keeper watched the way Kelley gripped the sides of her cup so tightly that her knuckles were white and the cardboard was starting to cave in. Christen grabbed it from Kelley’s hand quickly. Ashlyn looked away at the feeling that this was an intimate moment. She went to put more sugar in her cup when she could hear Christen whispering into the ear of a shaking Kelley O’Hara.

The keeper observed from the creamer and sugar table. She could tell that hidden frustration tears were being rubbed into the heels of Kelley’s hands and that Christen was hushing what seemed like encouraging words into her ears, and soothing kisses into her neck.

Ashlyn felt the sadness in her chest that this was probably a daily routine for the two. The keeper only moved from her spot when she saw Leo walking in. She enthusiastically waved him over to her so that she could give the two some space.

“Yo yo yo yo.” He greeted her. He looked back at the two Stanford girls.

“She good?” He asked, already knowing the answer.

“She’s great.” Ashlyn said with a deadpanned look. She walked up to the counter with him while he ordered.

“You heard from her?” Ashlyn asked, bracing herself for the answer.

“Ya.” He replied as he handed his card to the cashier. Ashlyn watched impatiently as he engaged in a conversation with the teenager girl behind the register and she tapped her finger against thee counter loud enough to ruin his game.

“And???” She pushed.

“I figured I’d tell _all_ of you.” He said as he nodded in Kelley’s direction.

“Bad news or good news?” Ashlyn whispered.

“When is there not bad news when it comes to Hope Solo?” He asked jokingly. Ashlyn didn’t appreciate it.

He retreated into himself at her admonishing stare.

“Okay, okay. Good news!” He offered.  “I mean...” He looked over at Kelley who seemed to have calmed down a bit. “It depends on if you’re Kelley or not...”

“Christen seems to think that any news that she isn’t dead is good news.” Ashlyn said with a hint of disagreement. Leo picked up on it and looked at her questioningly as took his coffee from the counter.

“You think it’s healthy for her to keep drowning in this tsunami of a mess that Hope Solo is?”

They both looked over at the two girls, and then made their way over.

 

 

~~

 

 

Alex absent mindedly handed the tongs to her dad so that he could flip the burgers on the grill. The smell of the grill was starting to become repulsive and the backdrop of a team party was repetitive, the only difference was that nowadays it was a bunch of Cal Bears instead of her Starr’s Mill’s Panthers.

Alex felt like a fake. She was a celebrity on the team because of the big house of hers that had a huge fire pit and hot tub to keep the team occupied as they all stayed in Georgia for the week. It was a team bonding experience that a senior had suggested and Alex offered up her house without her parents’ permission, while the rest of the girls figured out a way to carpool/fly all the way to the South. She had it in the back of her mind that she wanted to be useful in a way other than warming up the bench.

“You okay, Al?” Her dad asked with concern.

“Dad.” She looked down at the ground in thought. “You think it’s okay to dim your star for someone else?”

He looked at her with confusion. “What do you mean, Al?”

She repeated the question slowly. She really needed to know the answer.

“Who are you dimming your star for?”

“Just answer the question.” She hissed impatiently.

“Who-uh- are we talking about you?” Her dad asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No!” Alex grew defensive. “It’s just an expression I heard.” Mr. Morgan backed off a little and flipped the burgers once more.

“Well, if we are not talking about you, then I must ask one question, in response.”

“What?”

“Are you sure it’s not just that your star’s not bright enough?”

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

“I’m sorry about that.” Kelley mumbled. She had her hands in the pocket of her sweats as she leaned on the post right outside the coffee shop.

“You’re good dude.” Ashlyn said softly as she came and stood right next to the girl who had stepped out for fresh air.

“I do that a lot.” The forward admitted sadly.

“I can imagine. You’re gonna drive her away.” Ashlyn said as she nodded back in the direction of the table they were sitting at inside.

“We’re not a thing.” Kelley said like it was an explanation she had to give multiple times a day.

“Could have fooled me.”

Ashlyn watched Kelley’s body sag in defeat as she sighed.

“She sleeps with me when she finds out about Tobin and her different girlfriend of the week, and I sleep with her when I think about-” She stopped abruptly and turned away from Ashlyn as she punished herself for almost letting the name slip.

“So then you probably get laid every time you talk to Leo, huh?” Ashlyn joked. She was glad to see that it earned a chuckle from her friend. It seemed that Kelley wasn’t used to doing that anymore.

“Are you…” Ashlyn tried to search for the right word, “okay? Are you okay with the situation and what Hope’s doing right now?”

“Why can’t she talk to me, Ash?” The desperation in her voice was authentic and heart wrenching, and the keeper felt like maybe Kelley was more vulnerable in _this_ moment then as an 18 year old walking the streets barefoot after a night spending it with someone much older than her. The world was twisted.

“You know why.” Ashlyn said softly. “When Leo’s family comes into town, he can get an update. But other than that, you know why she can’t talk to anyone.”

The answer was unsatisfyingly sufficient. It didn’t make things better, even though it should have.

“Do you think she has a girlfriend?” Kelley asked miserably.

“Don’t you?” Ashlyn pointed out. She put her hands in the air when Kelley shot her a look, “look dude, call it what you want, but that in there was more than just a booty call. You’re in straight denial, just like you were with Mittens.”

Kelley gave a disgusted look.

“Okay, I care about Christen way more than I ever could about Heather Mitts.”

“Well that’s good.” Ashlyn nodded along.

They both stood out there in silence and mulled the situation over. The keeper broke the silence after a minute.

“I’m sure she’s making the best of her situation. Sounds like she is. A successful women’s league in Chalco is pretty cool.” Ash said softly. Kelley shook her head.

“But she doesn’t get any credit for it, Ash.” Kelley sighed like the guilt was back on her shoulders. “The news around the creation of that league didn’t even mention her. All under her friend’s name.”

“That’s because Maribel Dominguez is a Mexican international bro. Of course they’re gonna say she created the first Mexican women’s league. Plus, Hope is smart enough not to draw media attention to herself. It was probably her idea to give the credit away. You heard Leo, she’s living off the grid man. Which SHE SHOULD. Her visa is expired.” Ashlyn pushed.

Kelley felt her anger starting to rise again.

“Calm down.” Ashlyn warned.

“Let her live her life, dude.” Ashlyn said.

“AND WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??” Kelley yelled. Their heavy breaths and battling stares reached an impasse and they only turned around at the sound of a shy voice saying, “hey guys.”

Ashlyn put her arm in front of Kelley when she saw the girl starting to take step forward to the figure approaching.

“Don’t.” Ashlyn said with authority. She didn’t need to turn around to see who Kelley was almost ready to charge. “You hit someone, you can get arrested this time.”

“What’s different then back then??” Kelley demanded without taking her eyes off of the person who was standing ten feet away from them with her eyes wide open.

“Kell, you’re 20. You’re not a high school student anymore. ” Ashlyn whispered. She grew more panicked when Kelley started to laugh maniacally.

“YOU HEAR THAT HAO??? TWO YEARS AGO I WASN’T ADULT ENOUGH FOR HOPE TO STICK HER FINGERS IN ME, BUT NOW IM ADULT ENOUGH TO GO TO JAIL FOR DECKING YOU!”

Heather looked shocked and sad and her feet were glued to ground as she watched Christen come out of the shop and immediately drag Kelley so far away from the former math teacher.

“Kelley, I’m sorry. But I did what’s best for you.” Heather said softly.

Ashlyn felt Leo approach her side as she watched Christen tame an angry Kelley into the passenger side of her own car. Christen grabbed the keys from her sweatshirt pocket, closed the door, and then took a deep sigh.

The keeper met eyes with Christen, who looked exhausted beyond belief.  She wondered when her time for taking care of others was going to be up.

Ashlyn stared HAO down, who finally retreated into the Starbucks.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

Tobin felt the crushing embrace of Alex both comforting and alarming at the same time. Alex was holding so desperately onto her neck her body. It was warm and familiar and it had been a few months since they last saw each other, but the midfielder couldn’t shake the feeling that Alex was clinging on to her for safety.

“Are you okay bud?” Tobin asked as she pulled back a little to observe her friend’s face.

“Hold me or I may fall apart.” Alex words were muffled into Tobin’s Carolina Blue shirt. So Tobin sank back into the hug and cradled Alex like she asked.

“What’s going on?” Tobin asked. She had gotten used to Alex’s crazy phone calls filled with sobs and depression, but it was entirely different witnessing it in person. The Cal girl was calm for now, but the sadness was palpable.

“My teammates are a nightmare and I need someone to save me from them.”

Tobin had gotten to know some of the team since they had played Berkeley a few times last year, and she didn’t relish that she was spending her holiday break with them, the competitive spirit was on the field was still simmering off of it, but she could tell that Alex was in desperate need of her friendship. She stayed for dinner, she played soccer tennis with them in the back, and she even convinced them all to participate in a trick shot battle that involved almost every room in the big Morgan household. It was a win-win situation because by the end of the night, Tobin was crowned champion, and a small smile was starting to form on Alex’s face.

“Being in a frat house full of Bears ain’t a bad thing. There some pretty cute girls here.” Tobin said with a small smile forming on the right side of her lips.

“Don’t think about it.” Alex said with an eye roll. “I can’t believe I created this monster.”

They both chuckled at that.

“You know you don’t have to date every girl you meet.” Alex suggested.

“Making up for lost time.” Tobin said smoothly.

“Have you…talked to…Christen?” Alex said as she picked at her nails nervously. They were both laid out on the couch while the rest of the girls were all finding ways to cause trouble around them. The whole scene turned into background noise at the mention of Christen.

“Nope.” Tobin said, trying to act very uninterested in this very topic.

“I hear she’s…” Alex didn’t want to bring up the subject but she realized that she had already started the sentence.

“I know.” Tobin said as she looked down at the holes in her jeans.

“You know that she’s dating-”

“Yep.” Tobin said quickly. She stretched out her limbs and looked around the room for a clue of what the topic of her subject change would be. Alex got the visual cues that Tobin desperately wanted a subject change, but she had found her opportunity to talk about this topic and she wasn’t going to waste it.

“I haven’t talked to Kelley” Alex said quietly.

“I’m _sure_ she doesn’t’ want to talk to you.” Tobin said slowly. “Fuck, she hates me with a passion and I think I’m pretty low on her hit list.”

“I haven’t given up on her.” Alex whispered. She looked Tobin straight in the eye to gauge if Tobin would react that same way everyone else did. ‘Ugh Alex, get over it!’ or ‘just move on! She hates you, let her live.’ All those phrases were familiar, and she waited to see if Tobin would give her the same.

“Well, if she does talk to you, tell her that I’m sorry.” Tobin gave with a defeated shrug.

“I’m just surprised that she hasn’t talked to you. I get why she’s mad at me…but...”

“I don’t blame her, Al.” Tobin admitted. “I shouldn’t have done it. You on the other hand….the answer’s just not that simple.”

“I shouldn’t have done it.” Alex said as she picked at the cotton strands of the couch pillow wedged in between her arm and the couch.

“You think so?” Tobin asked in disbelief. Alex nodded vigorously.

“CP is nice enough to keep me in the loop about her.” Alex continued. She needed to talk about this. “She tells me about her moods and her fits.”

“Her moods and her fits?” Tobin asked in question.

“She’s not doing too well. And uh…” Alex’s voice was shaking. “It’s not what I wanted. It’s not what I intended to happen. I didn’t mean to-I. I don’t know. She’s not happy. I just wanted to protect her, and save some heartache in the long run, but….” Alex sighed. They all knew the story. And they were tired of narrating their failures. Tobin nodded along. They both didn’t intend to end up here.

“You should tell her that.” Tobin said as she watched the Berkeley girls start to make a human pyramid in the middle of the living room.

Alex scoffed.

“I’m serious.” Tobin added. “Crystal’s throwing that party. That whole crew is supposedly going.”

“How do you know??” Alex said with narrowed and suspicious eyes.

“Leo told me.” Tobin said darkly. “But you didn’t hear that from me.”

Alex looked scandalized.

“We keep in touch.” Tobin said nonchalantly.

“That’s a twist in the plot.” Alex said. “Why do you keep in touch with him? He’s all the way out in Stanford.” She said it with a disgusted look.

“He’s the one that gave me Hope’s letter.” Tobin said with a hint of gratitude towards the guy. Alex nodded along because now she understood the connection.

“That was very…gracious of her. Very well written. ”Alex said quietly. She hesitated on her choice of working because sometimes she wished people would show her that kind of grace after the big fallout.

“I’m just glad she forgave me.” Tobin said, her voice shaken with tears that were threatening to form. “Cause that was pretty shitty of me.” The tears fell. “I don’t know what I would have done if she was there to see me clean it all up with Paul.”

Alex put her hand on Tobin’s shoulder for comfort. “Paint up the graffiti, pick up the trash, all fixable. Hope’s house looks spotless nowadays. What you did was fixable.”

“So is your situation.” Tobin offered as she quickly wiped the tears from her face.

Alex thought back to her conversation with Christen just a few days ago.

“I don’t think so, Tobs.”

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

Kelley ran her finger all along the edges of the cereal boxes as she walked the aisles in a haze. She grunted a noncommittal response when Christen threw a question her way. Kelley figured that she was asking if she had wanted to buy them a certain type of cereal, but as always, she didn’t really care. She didn’t eat much anyways.

“She’s gotten worse.” Ashlyn said quietly as they watched Kelley look at the labels of cereals she was never going to buy. “She wasn’t this zombie like during the summer.”

Christen nodded sadly. “What’s weird is that the worse she gets when she’s like this, the better she plays...”

“Are you going tonight?” Ashlyn asked, her eyes still on Kelley.

“I doubt it.” Christen said with an eye roll. “As much as I love Crystal, that party is going to be a mental shit show for Kelley.”

“I thought we agreed as a team that we would always try to make it to these things, no matter what.” Ashlyn said with a whine.

“You think Kelley can handle being in the same house as Tobin and Alex?” Christen asked exasperatedly.

“Then Kell doesn’t’ go. We go. Plus she said she has training tonight, anyways.” Ashlyn pushed.

“Go.”

They both turned around to see Kelley putting in a bag of mint Oreos into the cart with a calm expression on her face, two feet behind them.

“What?” Christen asked in disbelief and a sense of being caught.

“Go, Chris.” Kelley said before she gave her a kiss on top of her head and a rare sign of affection as she wrapped her arm around her waist. It was an out of place gesture that made Christen feel a little uneasy. “I’m going to work out tonight anyways.”

“Okay...” Christen said in a high-pitched tone. Still not sure of what to make of the situation. Even Ashlyn titled her head in question. Christen and Ashlyn had talked about her relationship with Kelley in depth the night before when the keeper had come over for a mini slumber party, ones that they threw almost every night during the winter break. It was a night that Kelley had opted to stay at her parent’s house instead of taking up one half of Christen’s bed.

_“So tell me what this thing is…” Ashlyn said with an expression so intrigued._

_“We’re not together.” Christen said with resolution._

_“But you fuck each other?”_

_Christen nodded, paired with an eye roll. “I guess.”_

_“Since…how…when…I’m..I’m confused. And quite frankly, I’m a little weirded out.” Ashlyn said as she put her hand up to display her seriousness._

_“It’s college, Ash” Christen said like it was self-explanatory. “Sure, whatever. So you fuck, and your friends? Doesn’t that make it a thing? A very weird…thing.” She trailed off._

_“She just needs someone...” Christen sighed. “And…so do I. And we’re both adults! I mean we can do whatever we want.”_

_Ashlyn looked unconvinced._

_“Look, no one in California knows about what happened with her...past.” Christen avoided describing the fallout. “Only me and Leo do, and I mean, you saw her dude. She holds onto it so tightly inside. She never talks about it, and she never unwinds, and her shit comes out in sudden fits of rage or craziness. And it’s unhealthy.”_

_“No shit.” Ashlyn offered._

_“She needs someone. Like I said. And after she almost got arrested for beating up Tobin, I…”Christen searched for the answer. “I need someone too. Someone who understood how angry I was at Tobin for doing that.”_

_Christen’s shoulder sagged._

_“Fine. I get it.” Ashlyn said. “But...how is this thing...not a relationship? I don’t…”_

_“Look, I still sleep with other people and I don’t ask Kelley what she does when I’m not with her. I’m just a friend to her. And I’m there when she needs me. But I’m not someone she reports to.”_

_“So... does Kelley fuck around with other people, too?”_

_Christen shrugged. “Look, I don’t hold Kelley’s hand in public because I know that she doesn’t want anyone else in the world to.”_

_“Anyone other than…”_

_Christen nodded._

_“Gotcha.”_

_“_ Kell, what are you doing? _”_ Christen asked quietly when she looked down at Kelley’s arm still around her waist.

“Just go with it.” Kelley managed to push through her clenched jaw.

“Hey, Kelley…guys…”

Kelley and Ashlyn turned around to see the last person they all ever expected to see. Christen could see Kelley’s face go slack, the tell-tale sign that she was starting to shut down from being overwhelmed with emotions. So Christen grabbed Kelley’s hand because she obviously wanted to sell some kind of story.

“Hey Olivia.” Christen said sweetly. “How are you?”

“I’m great! Um... I didn’t know that you two--” She pointed in between her and Kelley.

“Why would you?” Kelley asked slowly and suspiciously. Her features starting to fire up. It sounded unfriendly.

“I-I don’t know.” Olivia said with a nervous chuckle. “I think it’s great.”

“Do you?” Kelley fired back. She only stepped back a little when Christen had tugged her hand back to reign Kelley in. Olivia could read the situation and feel the tension.

“Umm. Well..your sister misses you.” Olivia said softly and sadly. “She talks about you all the time.”

“I don’t give a shit about my sister.” Kelley’s face was back to being robotic and slackened.

“Okay.” Olivia surrendered. She made a move to get out of their way.

“I hear you’re dating Heather.” Kelley said when the woman had managed to take a few steps away. They all watched as she stopped in her tracks. “How does it feel to have my sloppy seconds?”

Christen shook her head, and sighed while she pushed their cart away from Kelley, and this situation. Ashlyn stared on with widened eyes as Olivia turned back around.

“How does it feel to have mine?” The older woman threw back. And it took them all a second to realize that they weren’t talking about Christen, but about Hope.

“Okay, that was fucked up.” Olivia rushed to offer an apology, but Ashlyn had to hold Kelley back, while Christen looked on with a tired expression.

“You asked what the world has done to me, well fucking just ask my sister if you want the fucking answer! My sister fucking knows everything doesn’t she?!?”

Because of her height and her time in the weight room, carrying Kelley over her shoulder was a small task for Ashlyn as she walked the Stanford forward out the door.

Christen and Olivia just stood there looking at each other for a long time, wondering how they both ended up in this situation in this life.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

Technically, they were still underage, but what was college without a few parties to drink at. Alex had invited her whole team, and once again she was the celebrity of the event for bringing in the most amount of people to the party. Everyone knew Alex.

But again, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was a fake. Her star definitely wasn’t bright enough. Because by the time it was 2 in the morning and her mascara was slightly streaked from the sweat of all of the warm bodies around her and the sweat from the heat of her face from the five beers she had downed from beer pong, she had gotten no texts on her phone asking her of her whereabouts as she sat in her Uber.

“Are you sure this is the place?” Julio, her driver asked. He looked around at the pitch black that engulfed the trees around them and the rocky road.

“It’s legit, Julio. I got this address from my friend Leo.” She slurred.

“Yeah, Leo sounds like a standup guy…” Julio said sarcastically as he tried to search the darkness. He was debating turning around because it seemed like he was about to abandon a pretty girl into a trap where she would wound up dead in the middle of the woods.

“Alex… I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Julio. You’re my Uber driver, not my dad.” She whined from the back seat.

“I’m just saying...” Julio put his hands in the air before he put it back in the steering wheel. “A guy tells a drunk girl to meet him in the middle of the woods….”

But it wasn’t long before he saw some big lights in the distance.

“Is that it?” He asked her.

“Yes!” Alex said. She actually had no idea, but her brain wasn’t really working anymore.

“Grade A Shit Julio!” Alex said before she slammed his door shut.

“I’ve heard that before!” He said before he drove off.

Alex felt her heels sink into the ground with very step. The dirt was still soft from the sleet that came with the Georgia winters, and she struggled to walk through the trees that were on both sides of the obvious rock driveway that was leading up to the Big lights that her and Julio had seen from the distance. She was sober enough (debatable) to heed Leo’s instructions to follow the big lights that would still be on if she was there. Leo said that he was 100% sure that she would still be awake and kicking the ball even at this time of night since it was a pastime of hers.

“It’s all Kelley does.” She recalled him saying with a shrug before he had sunk in a shot into the 3rd cup to the left.

Alex could already see the goal that was fifty yards away, and the pale white figure that must have been Kelley.

She was so glad that she was tipsy for this, because she didn’t think she could do this sober. She took off her feels and felt the wet ground as she hobbled over to the girl that used to be her whole life. Alex felt like the field was the longest one she had ever stepped on as it seemed like the minutes dragged on as she made her way to Kelley.

And maybe it was because her mind wasn’t all there, and the stadium lights that had popped up in this mysterious yet gorgeous clearing in the woods were blinding her, but it wasn’t until Alex’s feet had reached the freshly drawn white line of the 18 yard box, that she had noticed that Kelley was eerily standing in the middle of the goal, with her back to Alex, and her gaze up towards the crossbar.

“What are you doing?” Alex’s raspy voice broke through the cold air.

And after a few breaths of silence, the first words that Kelley spoke to Alex in a little under two year were:

“I’m deciding.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a feeling that some people will be mad at me..but idk


	21. No Room for Sensuality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. But I had some time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't get whiplash. Fasten your seatbelts and brace yourself

 

 ~~

 

 

“I’m deciding.”

Alex scrunched her nose at this strange statement and maybe the alcohol was disturbing her reality, but she was growing confused. The cold air was starting to bite at her exposed skin, and she wondered how Kelley had managed to stay out here in the cold at 2 am.

“Deciding on what?”

Kelley dropped her eyes down to the level where she could see the holes in the net and she felt a mild annoyance at the sound of a slur in Alex’s voice. She clenched her jaw and shook her a head a little before she muttered “nothing” before she turned around to face her.

And the sight was…surprising. Here Kelley stood with sweat filling her every pores and every fiber of her clothes that it had given her a sheen that glowed against the stadium lights, and she turned around to see a very different looking Alex Morgan who had on a halter top on and tight skirt that had left little to the imagination. Kelley looked at Alex’s face which bore more makeup that she ever remembered Alex wearing back in the day, and even though it was smeared a little, she could tell that it Alex Morgan had definitely upgraded her appearance since moving to California.

Alex squirmed under Kelley’s intense eyes that seemed to be calculating every problem that she thought Alex was going to create for her in the next two minutes. Even though Alex looked good, Kelley could tell that the girl was as much of a drunken mess and she felt inside.

“Um...” Alex swallowed to clear her dry mouth and the urge to throw up.

“Hi.” She managed to get out.

Kelley’s eyes darted right and left searching for something else that would save her from responding, but there was nothing else out there except the two of them.

“Hi.” Kelley relented to giving that response, but her eyes were just as guarded as before. Alex couldn’t celebrate just yet, but the sound barrier was broken and she was drunk enough to surrender and take a few more drunken steps closer to Kelley.

“Why weren’t you at the party?” Alex asked with concern. There was an authentic pout on her face, and Kelley was still rooted in her spot, trying to figure out how drunk Alex really was.

“I’m working out.” Kelley responded. She opted to walk over and gather some stray balls on the ground instead of just gawking at this strange sight of Alex Morgan out here on this field that she didn’t know anyone other than a handful of people knew about.

“Are you avoiding me?” Alex asked. She took a big gulp.

“What do you want, Al?” Kelley asked with a sigh. She continued to round up the balls and put them in a mesh bag that was on the sideline and she let Alex follow her every move.

“To talk to you.”

“What do you want to talk about?” Kelley asked as she looked up with a bored and expectant expression.

She didn’t move from her spot and her eyes followed Alex’s drunken slacken face as the girl closed the distance between them and wobbled with every step. Alex slid her hands around Kelley’s waist and put her makeup filled face in the sweaty pool on the front of Kelley’s shirt.

The Stanford forward could tell that her former friend had definitely reached a level of drunkenness that she was kind of happy that no college frats were around to take advantage. She sighed again as she let Alex hug her.

“I miss you. I miss this.”

Kelley rolled her eyes, but she didn’t push her away. If she did, Alex would have fell over.

“Do you miss me?” Alex slurred.

And when Kelley didn’t answer, the Berkeley girl continued, “Of course you don’t. I know. I don’t blame you. I know you hate me.”

Still no response from Kelley.

“But I love you.” Kelley felt Alex’s embrace tighten. The freckled face girl put her hands up in the air, deciding how she would get out of this position, but she eventually relented because it didn’t seem like Alex was going to let go.

“I don’t hate you, Al.” Kelley said as she closed her eyes in exhaustion. She was surprised that those words were coming out of her mouth.

“You don’t??” Alex piped her head to look up at her friend, who finally wriggled out of her embrace. The closeness was getting uncomfortable.

“Yeah,” Kelley confirmed, she wiped the sweat off of her face onto her shirt, “I just dislike you to the point where I purposefully have not talked to you in years.”

“But you’re talking to me now!” Alex’s face was filled with genuine happiness, and for some reason Kelley couldn’t help but break from her stoniness and let out a chuckle. It was a strange feeling to do that, and Kelley just decided to let herself enjoy that laugh.

“So you must not hate me.” Alex said softly as she grabbed Kelley’s hand with both of hers. “And you’re not melting into the ground at my touch, so that’s progress, too.”

Kelley looked down at their hands and she had to admit that her curiosity of Alex’s appearance here was overcoming her anger. She had been talking with God about her life for the thirty minutes before Alex had interrupted her, and the sight of her former friend seemed to be a sign that he was giving her. She wasn’t too sure what to make of this moment and if she was supposed to ask questions on how Alex got here, or how she knew where this place was.

Kelley felt Alex’s touch warm and intriguing. It had been a _long_ time since someone other than Christen had held her hand, and her mind and body were not used to this.

“I’m miserable.”

Kelley looked back up from their hands to meet the stare of Alex and raised one eyebrow in disbelief, “ _You’re_ miserable?”

She could go on and on about how nothing could compare to her sadness, but Kelley was starting to become thankful that she had chosen to live a ‘cleaner’ lifestyle because people weren’t kidding when they came up with the term ‘drunken mess.’

“Yeah.” Alex’s eyes were starting to roll, and she was starting to lose her balance. Kelley caught her because it seemed that she would fall apart if she didn’t.

“You look miserable.” Kelley said, the harshness coming back.

“You look….pretty.” Alex said breathlessly. Confusion warped the edges of Kelley’s brain because she didn’t know if it was because it was sort of endearing to see Alex so loose and so different, or it was because she was just too tired, but for a split second she looked down at Alex’s lips and felt guilt, along with 100 other emotions fill her body.

“You’re drunk Al.” Kelley said as she abruptly separated herself from her former friend. She was exhausted and she didn’t want to think. All she wanted was to get back to the bed that was calling her name and go to sleep so that she could shut off all of these emotions.

“I just want you to like me for two seconds.” Alex pleaded and pouted.

Kelley couldn’t help but wonder if how she felt in this moment was exactly how Hope felt when Kelley would beg for her. The connection she was trying to make made her organs drown in guilt. She shook her head of her thoughts.

“Al, just- I’m going to take you home. Let’s go.”

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

The Stanford forward was having a hard time getting Alex to sit still in the passenger seat. She squirmed and she pressed all of the buttons, and every two seconds she found a fascination with something else in the car.

“Whose fancy schmancy car is this??” Alex cooed with glee.

Kelley rolled her eyes.

“Who do you think it belongs to?” She said with a slackened face.

“Well, shit! Hope Solo must have lived some kind of life before I fucked it all up for her.” Alex said with astonishment.

Kelley looked ahead at the road, choosing not to comment.

On and on Alex went with the questions on how Kelley ended up with this car, what that field was, how she was, all too much. The Stanford forward chose to answer none of the questions, but it didn’t seem to deter a drunken Alex who felt the need to keep talking because it had been an eternity since she last spoke to Kelley and she didn’t know if the alcohol was magnifying the pain her body was feeling from the absence of her.

It wasn’t until the car was parked and the engine shut off when Kelley looked over and realized that Alex had put on the leather jacket that was hanging on the seat. Hope’s leather jacket. She had to get out of this car.

“Okay, Al. Let’s go. Gotta get to bed.” She called over her shoulder as she made her way to her former friend’s front door. She called again when she saw that Alex wasn’t moving from her spot near her door. The girl only spoke when Kelley had walked back over to her side.

“Let’s go.” She softly ordered with a pull on Alex’s hip. But the move was intercepted and Alex was successful in grabbing her hand again.

“I just want to be let in.”

Those words were chilling and sent Kelley back in time. At first it felt like déjà vu that was dangerously close to melting her on the spot, but then she realized that this was real life. She looked at Hope’s car, she looked at Hope’s leather jacket that was loosely placed around her friend’s shoulders, and she looked down at her friend’s expression to see what 17 year old Kelley’s naïve desperation for love looked like.

“Alex-”

“I love you, Kelley. I miss you. ”

The freckled face girl sighed.

“Come on. I’ll tuck you into bed.” She said in defeat.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

“Whoa! Baby Horse, you loo-”

All of the soccer players stopped in their tracks at the sight of their very own being held up by a girl that they didn’t know. A lot of them peaked their head up from the sleeping bags to get a good look at the person who was carrying their host in.

“Who’s your hot date?” Someone shouted. Kelley grimaced at the remark and at the physical challenge it was becoming to carry Alex up.

“Holy shit, is that Kelley O’Hara?” She heard a hushed voice. Kelley felt a jolt of surprise strike her. How did they know her name?

“Al, how do you know Kelley O’Hara??” A different voice rang through the living room. Someone came and helped Kelley carry Alex to her room, and she gave the unnamed girl a wry smile in gratitude.

“How do you know Alex?” The girl asked.

She managed to stammer out their history and she was left flabbergasted at how surprised the girl was that she was from Georgia. _How do you even know who I am??_ Alex was still conscience but Kelley could tell that she was close to passing out from the night, and her teammate had the common sense to give them space.

“Alright, I’m going to go, Al.” Kelley said softly. She turned off the lights to this familiar room, made her way out, but only stopped when she heard her friend’s _desperate_ attempt to get her to come back.

“Don’t leave.” Again (for the millionth time), Kelley sighed. “You’re gonna disappear from my life again, and I don’t think I can handle you not being in it.”

That angered Kelley and due to a bout of anger, she slammed her hand on the wall. Those words were just so unjust, and just so ironic to be aimed at her.

“Alex, just stop.” She demanded as she shook her former friend by the sides of her arms. She wanted to scream at her, and unleash all that she was carrying. You could see it in the way Kelley walked, in the way Kelley talked, that her heartbreak had consumed her and had taken a life of its own in her own body and she wanted to SCREAM at Alex that she had no room to worry about her heartbreak.

But she did none of that. Because before she could even began to unload all that her body had been begging her to, Alex Morgan put her lips on Kelley’s.

And throughout their lifelong (with a hiatus) friendship, they had never landed themselves in this situation until now, and Kelley let it happen like she had no control over her body. Alex’s lips had been coated with something strawberry hours ago and she could taste the remnants of it. She could _feel_ this lurch in her stomach at how soft Alex’s lips were, and she had this strange desire to pull her in closer.

It felt _really REALLY really good._ Like a hard earned, ground so hard, raw orgasm that came out of nowhere. Kelley didn’t think about anything other than the fact that a soft moan from Alex’s mouth was vindicating. She wanted to pull, she wanted to bite, and it hit her that she had never tasted Alex before. She could feel Alex’s childhood bedsheets graze her knees as she aggressively and instinctually trapped Alex right where she wanted her.

She wanted to be aggressive. She wanted to be rude. She hiked up Alex’s skirt barbarically, no room for sensuality. She put her hand in the most vulnerable spot and then she looked back up at Alex’s face. When she saw her close her eyes, Kelley snapped out of it.

She quickly got up from the bed. The desire on Alex’s face felt forbidden.

“What’s wrong?” Alex asked.

“I’m sorry.” Kelley said before she rushed out of there.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wretchedthorium.tumblr.com


	22. Chase for the High Would Never Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And she didn’t think that kind of love could ever be reserved for someone other than the beautiful girl in front of her now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Cover my Eyes" - La Roux

 

~

~~

 

Christen watched bubbles in her fruity drink swirl like a whirlpool in her drink as she uncomfortably shifted the tight skirt that was riding up her ass, a depiction of how she felt all evening. Not having Kelley as a security blanket was starting to make her regret listening to Ashlyn’s suggestion to come out to this party.

She looked down at her cup and was calculating whether she should just down it all in one or put it down because both options would probably create a night of mistakes. Seeing Tobin on the opposite side of Crystal’s house was starting to make her wonder if she should really try to get through this night sober.

Tobin was just so effortless. The way she moved and the way she talked just sounded so lazy and so smooth, and Christen felt a little twinge of jealousy warm her blood at how easy things were for her former flame. Their eyes had connected multiple times throughout the night and the Stanford forward hated how much satisfaction she felt when Tobin had stopped in her tracks for a split second when her eyes first landed on Christen.

It was magnetic. They were just so opposite, yet so connected. It didn’t matter how much time they spent apart, they would always connect when in the same area.

“Hey.”

Christen wasn’t surprised at Tobin’s newfound bravery in speaking to girls, and there familiarity sure did help the midfielder. However, she was surprised at how much of her guard was coming down at the sound of that voice. She smiled in response.

“How have you been?” Tobin asked with a nudge to her elbow.

Christen looked down at space of skin that made contact with Tobin and just knew that she was screwed. It felt so good. She elected to take a big gulp of her strong drink in lieu of a response.

“Still not talking to me?” Tobin asked quietly as she leaned in closer.

Christen took another big gulp.

“I’m not avoiding you Tobs.” Christen said in a neutral tone.

“Good. So then you won’t mind me asking for your new number?” Tobin asked with a smile that Christen wasn’t sure if it was warm enough to be a request made out of genuine feelings or just a lustful display of her newfound confidence. “Or will Kelley be upset if I ask that?”

Christen shifted her skirt again. The uneasiness was creeping back up again.

“Why would Kelley be upset about that? It’s not like I would give you my number.” She felt so satisfied with that response, but not with Tobin’s face afterwards. The midfielder had looked away in embarrassment and rejection, and Christen started questioning why she didn’t like that response. She had spent months seething at the thought of Tobin. So she walked away. Awkwardly and with hesitation, she continued to take steps away from her former girlfriend and by the time she found Crystal at the opposite side of the house, she figured it was too late to take that moment back.

So when Crystal handed her another drink, Christen decided that she may as well get drunk.

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

 

Alex Morgan could only recall a handful of times that she had gotten as drunk as she currently felt. She grabbed the jacket that was swung around the chair and she bathed in the fact that it smelt a lot like Kelley’s perfume, a scent that reminded her of simpler days.

She thought that maybe she was hallucinating, because it for damn sure felt like it, but having her best friend driving her in this super nice car, taking care of her, felt like such a warm illusion. Alex didn’t want it to ever end.

Kelley was so different. Even though alcohol had been consumed in copious amounts, Alex could still register that Kelley wasn’t exactly thrilled to see her, but it meant something when Kelley’s eyebrows subtly raised up and her eyes scanned up and down her body. It was a stare that Alex had never been on the receiving end from her best friend, and she knew that she had just momentarily softened the hardened exoskeleton of this jaded human being.

 Alex had felt a shift in her own body in that moment. Kelley’s features had been sharpened by the anger that she was perpetually carrying, and now all Alex wanted to do was to soften them up, and if that required Kelley to rip off her skirt and for Alex to melt under her touch, she realized that she would be okay with that.  More than okay with that.

Alex could just tell that Kelley probably never joked around anymore and that her goofiness had died alongside her heart when Hope left. And of course it did make her feel guilty (she was used to that), but it also made her feel more _attracted_ to Kelley. It was a very complex emotion, one that she wasn’t ready to dissect or battle, just succumb to when she was definitely inebriated.

While she stood next to her car door and watched Kelley walk up her driveway with an angry strut and a confident gait that had walked up to Alex’s front door a million times, she felt a _strong_ sense of possession over Kelley O’Hara. The alcohol magnified how childish she felt when she realized how much she hated Christen for being able to keep her.

She grabbed onto Kelley’s hand l, and she couldn’t help but never want to let go. It was such a strange and scary feeling that she didn’t know how she would cope with it. She didn’t want to just tame this anger, she wanted to cure it, not calm it. She wanted to kiss it.

And so that’s what she did.

Alex had never really questioned her sexuality on a serious level. Tobin’s lips were soft and luscious, but she could remember really only thinking about Leo that night back in high school. She shuddered at the thought now. But Kelley’s lips were thin, precise, methodical and fiery with how they untangled the tension Alex wanted to bite in half. They created this sensation in her stomach, a craving for Kelley’s mouth to be _everywhere._

And once you get a taste, the chase for the high would never stop.

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

 

Christen almost chuckled at the sensation of Tobin at her elbow. She just knew it was the midfielder because...she would always know. There was religion that could indoctrinate this feeling. She laughed at how easy it was for Tobin to do this to her.

“Why are you laughing?” Tobin chuckled nervously.

“I’m laughing at you.” Christen said with a smile that shone her white teeth and exposed the exasperation she felt at herself for giving in.

“What did I do now?” Tobin asked with a smirk.

“You’re-“ Christen pinched Tobin in the side slightly, the alcohol kicking in, “being…” she couldn’t find the word and she just gave up with a bemused chuckle.

“You confuse me so much Christen Press.” Tobin responded with a small smirk and a step closer. Christen backed up into the kitchen counter of Crystals home to habitually maintain her orbit of personal space.

“I’m not quite ready to let you back in.” Christen said quietly. She placed her hands on the stomach of Tobin who closed in on the space between their bodies like it was her job to. “But you can have my number if you want.”

“I don’t want just your number.” Tobin said simply.

“That’s very demanding of you.” Christen responded.

“I demand the best.” Tobin said swiftly.

Christen chuckled again. She walked away from that exchange with a little more confidence that Tobin would find her again that night. .

 

 

 

~~

 

 

“Hey O’Hara, wait up a second!” A voice rang out.

Kelley couldn’t help but feel exposed since Alex’s saliva was still wet on her lips and her hormones raging through her fired up body. She turned around to face a room full of girls she didn’t know. She recognized some of them because she had seen them on the field, but it was a different experience seeing them smiling at her.

“Hey come hang out with us a second.” A girl said.

Kelley was so thrown out of her element with that kiss from Alex, at this point she felt like someone else was controlling her body.

“Is it true you’re going pro next year?” Girl #4 asked. Kelley looked at her strangely. Like she had five heads. She knew nothing of this rumor.

They started asking her questions like they were old friends. They asked her how her summer was going, if she was training, how her national team camps were going. She answered them all, not too sure how they knew anything about her. They asked her who her trainer was, how dumb she must have felt for being a tree, and they spent a solid thirty minutes revealing funny and embarrassing moments about Alex.

“She didn’t tell us that she knew the famous Kelley O’Hara.” The blonde girl said with a smirk.

“Whoa, famous?” Kelley asked with a laugh. She was slowly easing into the conversation.

“Yeah! Why hasn’t Alex mentioned knowing you?” A brunette asked.

“No, you know what?” Another girl intercepted, “she has mentioned you. I think she told us one time that you were dating Christen Press.”

“Oh I’m not dating Christen.” Kelley habitually responded. She felt kind of guilty about it this time though. Like it wasn’t quite right.

“Are you single?” Someone else asked.

Kelley felt a tingly sensation in her body when she saw that girl who asked that question, but her lip.

 

 

~~

 

 

 

Feeling Tobin’s calloused hands holding her own brought her some inner peace. It was calming and she felt like she could wash away the past. She figured that tonight would be a chess match and it was her turn to make the next move and when she had seen Tobin lounging on the couch with a beer in one hand and nothing in the other, she grabbed the opportunity. She didn’t speak word to the girl, but instead hid their hands in between their bodies and occupied her time in engaging in a conversation with Julie.

Christen listened to Julie talk about her school schedule and her fussy roommate all while aligning her heartbeat with the pace of Tobin’s thumb stroking her hand.

It was so effortless. It was so different than their first go around.

“So how is Kelley doing?” JJ asked before she took a big gulp from her red cup. Christen smiled knowing that JJ had found too much interest in the contents of her cup for it to mean nothing. She could feel Tobin’s body tense as the stroking halted.

“She’s good.” Christen lied. She could feel Tobin’s hand slacken.

“So I hear you two are together?” Julie asked with a sly tone like she knew exactly what she was doing to the lair on the couch.

Tobin got up immediately and excused herself to get another drink.

Christen smirked at Julie.

“You’re bad.” Christen said with a playful eye roll.

“I’m saving you.” Juliesmirked.

“From what?” Christen retorted.

“Drama.”

 

 

 

~~

 

 

Kelley sped down these cookie cutter streets while she let the phone call continue. She hated how empty the other side of the line always was. Technically it was just the familiar recording of Hope’s voice mail box, and she had just gotten used to clocking in the minutes for the voicemail box, but it didn’t hurt any less that the other side was silent. It always was.

She finally pressed the end call button. It used to be red, but Kelley had pressed it so many times that the color had faded. She dialed the person she always did after she called Hope’s number.

“Why are you still up?” Christen asked with concern.

“Can I pick you up?” It wasn’t really a question. They both knew that Kelley was going to come over regardless.

Christen looked up at Tobin who wasn’t even hiding the fact that she was staring at Christen.

“Tobin’s here.” Christen said softly into the receiver.

Silence on the line. Christen wasn’t too sure what kind of response she was expecting.

“I’m here.”

Christen heard the two beeps signaling the end of the call.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

There was always a something magically different about Kelley O’Hara. Even Christen knew that. And when she gently closed the front door behind her and saw her leaning on Hope’s old Porsche, it just reaffirmed for Christen the notion that only someone truly spectacular would be lucky to have her.

“Whatcha doing out here stranger?” Christen asked with a small smile as she playfully tapped Kelley in the stomach.

“Seeing if you needed my help tonight as much as I needed yours.” Kelley said softly. Christen softly smiled back.

“Alex kissed me.” Kelley said quietly.

“W-w-hoa what??” Christen sputtered. She chuckled as she took a few steps closer. She relented because she did remember how drunk Alex was when she left. She grabbed Kelley’s hand as a sign of understanding.

“How do you feel about that?” Christen asked softly. She watched Kelley’s face break into a devastatingly familiar set of a thousand emotions before her eyes watered and she looked away.

“Hope’s gonna understand.” Christen whispered before she grabbed both sides of Kelley’s face and set it straight before she planted a soothing kiss. Kelley nodded like she wanted it to be true. So Christen kissed her a few more times because she could feel Kelley’s sadness in the pit of her stomach. She knew it was deep because Kelley begged her for more. Christen wiped the girl’s tears away.

“Tobin’s lucky, ya know.” Kelley said with a small smile after she had caught her breath and calmed down a bit.

“I never thought I’d hear you say her name with a smile on your face.” Christen teased. Kelley chuckled. “But why do you say that?”

Kelley shrugged before she pulled Christen in even closer by the hips and held her body as they both relaxed into a familiar touch. Christen laid her chin on Kelley’s shoulder and Kelley found refuge in the soothing perfume that she had grown so accustomed to.

“Because it has been a goddamn pleasure waking up next to you for the past 15 months, Christen Press.” Kelley whispered into her neck. She didn’t anticipate how sad she felt seeing Christen tip toe out of a house that she knew Christen should be in because Tobin was there. They had never claimed a title, nor did they feel the need to. Kelley didn’t really care to know who else Christen took her clothes off for, and Christen had always assumed that Hope would always be the first call.

But they had found a solace in their angry and stressful lives in one another, and Kelley knew that neither Hope, nor Alex could ever say that they had witnessed Kelley’s true despondency and rebirth the way Christen Press could. And she didn’t think that kind of love could ever be reserved for someone other than the beautiful girl in front of her now.

Kelley could feel Christen’s body shake with silent sobs. It was sad because this felt like an ending, and the world was a scary place and they hadn’t quite navigated real heartbreak without each other. She pulled Christen in tighter.

“This doesn’t have to end if you don’t want it to.” Christen said. But they both knew that it had to. It was Kelley’s turn to wipe away the tears on the other’s face.

“Why would I ever stop you from loving her?” Kelley asked gently.

The floodgates opened up wide and Christen felt her life align.

“Only someone truly remarkable can have you Kelley O’Hara.” Christen whispered. Kelley let that statement sink in and she nodded in gratitude as she thought about who that person would end up being.

She let go of Christen one hand at a time. She felt their departing touch as Christen backed away from her.

Christen gave one last look at the magnificent kid from Peachtree City, the one with a broken heart on her sleeve, before she opened the door and searched for the one person that would fully mend her own.

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

 

Alex woke up to the BIGGEST headache drumming the sides of her head and pounding the back of her skull like a hammer to a nail. She could taste the trails of what maybe tasted like vomit in her mouth, but she was too tired to get up and brush off the shame from whatever decisions she couldn’t remember making last night. She stared straight up at the ceiling of her bedroom and tried to push out the reminder that she technically had a whole team of soccer players to entertain. She couldn’t keep relying on her mom to cook them breakfast but she was hungover and at this moment, only her problems mattered.

She reached around for her phone and she shrugged off this random thick jacket that was making her so hot. Her heart sunk at the sight of an email notification from her coach.

_Fitness results_

She elected to get it over with. She opened and smiled the email and saw the results of the whole team. She scanned the excel sheet for her ID number and then threw her phone across the room after reading her ranking amongst her teammates.

_You can’t dim your star for someone else, kid_

She hated Coach Solo for getting that in her head. She always would.

She shot up out of bed and vowed to change it all, only momentarily thrown off from the headache. She pushed it aside.

“Well hello sunshine.” She was greeted by the sight of her mom with a spatula in her hand in front a sizzling pan with fried eggs in it and 15 of her teammates smirking at her.

“How was your night, Al?” Girl #4 asked. Alex shot her a look.

“How did your night go with Miss Kelley?” Teammate #3 asked.

“Baby!!! You hung out with Kelley!!” Ms. Morgan squealed in delight.

Alex stopped in her tracks.

“I did what?”

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

Sydney rolled her eyes at the sight of Kelley already waiting for her by the locked door to the gym. “That crazy motherfucker” she muttered to herself before she heaved herself out of her car and secured the lid to her morning coffee while the school keys jingled to her footsteps.

“Cap you’re insane.” Syd stated through a sleepy expression.

“Grind never stops, coach.” Kelley said with a tired smirk.

“You’re special.” Syd responded as she unlocked the door and motioned for Kelley to proceed.

“Thanks.” Kelley said with a smirk. They both knew what kind of special Syd meant but the sun was too new and not enough coffee was consumed for Syd to finish her joke off. She turned on all of the nights while Kelley went through their normal warm up routine.

“Did you train with Paul last night?” Syd asked while she opened the supply closet to get out the medicine balls that Kelley was going to need for her session today.

“I worked with him for a little bit, but he had to head out.” Kelley called out as she lunged forward to warm up her hip flexor. “I locked the house up before I left.”

“What time did you leave?” Syd asked when she leaned back to peak at the college girl.

“Uh…..” Kelley switched legs. “Late.”

“Figures.” Syd said with a motherly, disapproving look. Kelley smiled wryly and then they both started the workout routine that Sydney had devised for her winter break.

“How many upper 90 goals did we get last night?” Syd asked in excited anticipation.

“30.” Kelley said quietly.

“Last year was 29. That was a random goal.” Sydney said with a nod of approval. “30 sounds better on the ears. “

Kelley kept that number close to heart.

There was no one else Kelley trusted other than Sydney to devise healthy soccer specific workouts. Even more so than the sports med staff at Stanford, did she find herself contacting Sydney for fitness advice. Their partnership since Kelley had graduated from high school had only gotten stronger and even resulted in Sydney multiple getting job offers from local Atlanta colleges since Kelley had given Syd a shout out on her Instagram account. Currently, the trainer was still debating on whether to take the jobs or not, but for now she still had the right to the keys to Starr’s Mills weight room.

Kelley would never forget how strong Sydney’s grip on her arm was when the woman had pulled her off of Tobin’s crumpled body. She could recall the sight of Sydney cleaning the cuts on Tobin’s face and the many ice packs that Sydney had magically appeared with when the midfielder’s face was starting to swell. She would always remember the moment when she opened her front door of her parent’s house at four in the morning the night Hope left, to find Sydney Leroux wordlessly handing over Hope’s leather jacket to her.

“ONE MORE O’HARA! JUST ONE MORE!” Sydney yelled before Kelley pushed the bar away from her chest and onto the rack. Her body was done. She had been running on two hours of sleep and by the time Syd has called time, Kelley laid down in the middle of the rubbery floor.

“I spoke to Leo.” Kelley said after she had downed the last of her water bottle.

“Yeah?” Syd said as she wiped the sweat off of her brow. Because what kind of trainer were you if you didn’t do the workouts, too.

“She sounds happy.” Kelley said quietly. She wiped the sweat from her body.

“I think she is.” Sydney said as she caught her breath and nodded in agreement. “She sounds busy.”

_Too busy for me._

She hated to think that way, but Kelley would always think that way if Hope Solo was not talking to her.

“Have you talked to her?” Kelley asked curiously.

Sydney looked at her like she should know the answer.

“Of course not. Just the random letter with no return address, like usual.” Kelley nodded in understanding. “Just thanked me for watching over her stuff. Because I’m awesome.” Sydney put in the joke to lighten the mood.

“You are.” Kelley offered gently.

“So are you.” Sydney said knowing that it was a statement that Kelley needed, but wouldn’t necessarily accept. As expected, Kelley deflected.

“You hear that Olivia and Mittens are living together now?” Kelley wanted to change the subject from herself.

“Yes.” Sydney said with a warning look to Kelley. She knew that this wasn’t a healthy topic for Kelley to ruminate over.

“It’s just gross, Syd.”

“Let them be gross together.” The woman shrugged. “Plus, I’d rather hear you talk about your run for that MVP Mac Hermann.”

Kelley shrugged. She sighed. “What’s the point, Syd?”

The trainer felt like slapping her in this moment. Kelley O’Hara wasn’t a student anymore so maybe it would be acceptable. But she only thought about it.

“I don’t believe you kiddo. You’re KILLING it!” She offered in disbelief.

“I should have never been at Stanford Syd. You and I both know that.” Kelley muttered while she ran her fingers through her hair and into her bun and tried to release the tension from her shoulders.

“How can you be upset at a last minute full ride kiddo?” Sydney asked with exasperated eyes. Kelley rolled her eyes because she wasn’t going to go down this road again with her friend. They both _knew_ that the opportunity didn’t come without some strings being pulled behind Kelley’s back and some people being puppeteer-ed by someone truly powerful in soccer.

This wasn’t Kelley’s plan for herself. It was always to bypass the college game like Hope and go pro. And she could have sworn that she was on the track to doing so, but after the fallout and Hope’s departure, she knew that she had spent close to two months suckered into the darkened depths of depression, and she had wasted her time and her fitness away. She hadn’t responded to college offers, and she had not been fit enough by the time the assistant coach for the Boston Breakers had contacted her.

When her mom had looked at her with an “I told you so” look, Kelley finally dialed the phone to Coach Ratcliffe to talk to him about signing up with Stanford.

“I had a feeling that you would call.” He said.

“Yeah.” Kelley said with a lame chuckle, an attempt to engage in a banter with him. She rolled her eyes at herself.

“I just got off of a 2 hour phone call with someone who has convinced me to give you a full ride.” Ratcliffe said with a laugh. “But I’m only offering it if you’re taking it.”

Kelley almost dropped the phone.

“Uhh…am I getting punked, sir?” She looked down at her phone to make sure she had dialed the right phone number.

He went on and on about why Stanford would be great.

“Who uh- who did you talk to?” Kelley asked in disbelief.

“Someone who wishes to remain anonymous.” Ratcliffe said in a slow fashion. “They said that if you asked, to tell you that…” Kelley could hear him shift some papers. “To tell you that you’re stronger and braver than her if you can do something she’s never done, which is conquer the college game.”

At the time, it was enough to convince her to give college a try. But every time she watched Megan Rapinoe and the Seattle Reign play, she felt like she was destined for something bigger. Especially when she would let Christen drag her to Reign games and she would see displays of their classic number one jersey.

“Syd, can we just agree to disagree on this topic?” Kelley rolled off her tongue.

“Fine.”

“Can I tell you something though?” Kelley said when she started stretching her muscles out. Sydney nodded.

“Last night I ran into a bunch of the soccer team out in Cal, and they all knew who I was…” She said thoughtfully.

The trainer tried so hard to keep her smile subtle at the realization that Kelley was budding into a sports star.

“Oh?” She responded.

“Yeah.” Kelley said softly. “It was…nice. I was nice.”

“Felt like your hard work is paying off?” Syd asked.

“Yeah.” Kelley said as the realization sank in. “Like if the Breakers were to come back and come for me again, I would say no just for the satisfaction.”

“How did you run into a bunch of Cal Bears last night?” Syd asked in curiosity as she mirrored Kelley’s stretches. She looked up when Kelley didn’t immediately answered and saw the girl squirm.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

Alex looked down at her watch on her wrist and groaned at the face of it tell her that her fastest was an eight minute mile. She threw herself down onto track and stared up at the sun. There were no more excuses for her lack of star power. It was a hard fact that an 8:02 mile was the best she could do at this point, and she had no one else to blame for it. Reading that email from her coach was a wakeup call, and it was the reason why she found herself on Starr’s Mill’s running track with the dregs of a hangover being pushed to the edges of her brain.

It was time to rebuild.

“Sure doesn’t’ look like you’re training. Just sleeping.” A familiar voice rang out.

Alex looked up.

“Hey Coach Lloyd.” Alex said through her heavy breaths. She waited for her heart beat to slow while her former teacher sat down next to her. “What are you doing out here?”

“Old people gotta workout, too.” Carli said with a smirk. “How have you been kiddo?”

“Coach, let me ask you, what’s your mile time?” Alex asked

“Uhhh… 7 something.” Carli said.

Alex groaned and she laid back down. The woman laughed. The girl ranted on and on to a silent, pensive Carli Lloyd about her athlete problems. She talked about how she had let fitness go, and how she had been solidly riding the bench for the last season. She lamented that she had decided to go the sports route instead of the academic route.

“What made you switch?” Carli asked.

Alex paused. She gulped. She sighed as she wiped the sweaty strands from her face.

“Coach Solo.”

“Ah.” Carli said with a nod.

“She made me believe that I had what it took.” Alex said bitterly.

“I don’t agree with everything Hope did, but I agree with her on this.” Carli said with a strong voice. The former student and teacher looked at each other and just basked in the common connection of losing people they loved dearly from the fallout. Alex stayed in her position with her back on the ground, and Carli sat still with the heels of her palm digging into the track as she leaned back onto them. They enjoyed the weirdly natural silence between them.

“Have you talked to Cap?” Carli asked.

Last night came flooding back. Alex shot up. Her teammates were not lying to her.

“Uh-umm. Not really.” She lied as her eyes grew in size at the sudden realization of what happened last night.

“Well…for what it’s worth, Alex, I commend you for what you did.”

Alex’s shoulder sagged. She heard that from adults a lot.

“Coach-“ Alex sighed, “I couldn’t disagree with you more on this subject.”

Alex was surprised that Carli looked surprised.

“Why do you say that, Al?”

“Do you not miss her?” Alex pushed.

“That’s not the matter at hand.” Carli pushed equally as strong.

“Okay, whatever. Now that Kelley and I are a little older, be for real with me.” Alex said. Carli chuckled a little, but the soccer player could see that Carli was still on edge about this all. “Do you really not miss Coach Solo?”

Carli shrugged her shoulders. “You guys and your safety was more important to me.”

Alex scoffed.

“Listen, Morgan.” Carli said, “You saved her in the long run.”

“I feel like I destroyed her.” Alex said breathlessly. Kelley’s face when she realized that Alex had kissed her popped back into her brain.

Not too long after, Alex was waving her hand goodbye and her feet pounded the pavement as she ran back home and left Carli Lloyd all alone on the running track, questioning everything.

 

 

 

~~

 

Hope looked down at her phone and read the incoming text from Leo. Her read receipts were on, so like usual she didn’t respond, but he would know that she got it.

She was used to the feeling like she would cry, so she tightened her body so that she wouldn’t, and the moment passed. She stared at the blacked tips of the wick on the candles on top of a homemade cake that read the big 30.

“Estas bien?” Hope looked up at the sound of the voice of this woman, whose name she already forgotten. She nodded and then watched the woman retreat back into her room with nothing on.

When she was out of sight, Hope dialed in to listen to her voice mails. On the night of her birthday, just like every night for the past two years, she needed the white noise of those silent voice mails to lull her to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im already writing the next chapter so


	23. It’s still you, but with a darker soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I call this a Personal Growth Chapter. Not too dramatic (this story has a lot of those, don't you want a break geez) and just a lot of figuring shit out.
> 
> Plus: I lost a lot of my content that didn't get saved when I was wrting. so I'm just pissed so please just read this chapter while I cry myself to sleep

 

~ 

Kelley had to admit, winter would always be her favorite season. She turned off the engine to the ride on mower she sat on and wiped the sweat off her brow. She was hating the blazing sun and the heat waves that seemed to be radiating off of the ground. She didn’t mind mowing Pike Place, in fact she told Syd that she wouldn’t trust anyone else to do so, but this Georgia sun was 100% going to give her cancer. Summer was starting to become a drag in the south.

“You look like you’re going to rob a bank.” Sydney said when she sauntered over with two cold water bottles in her hands and she flicked at the red bandana that was covering all of Kelley’s face.

“You don’t understand what it’s like to be an Irish kid with freckles in this sun.” The girl said with a shake of her head.

“Oh boo hoo, you don’t understand what it’s like to be a black woman in the South.” Syd retorted.

Kelley clinked their plastic water bottles.

“True that. Cheers.”

Kelley looked on at the 50 more yards that she had left to mow and her body slumped at the thought.

“I can take over if you want. After all, Hope is paying me to take care of it.” Sydney offered. Kelley grew possessive over her ride- on and her field.

“Nah!” She said quickly. “I’m the only one who actually uses this field, so I don’t want you to have to take care of it.” She added. Sydney didn’t fight her on it. The sun did look miserable to be in, and Kelley definitely had the youth, stamina, and strength to be the one out there doing it. She figured that she might as well offer.

“You want me to line it this time?” Syd asked. Again, the girl felt a little possessive over the field. She felt like this space was all she had left of Hope. But she relented, knowing that she would have to be out here at 3 in the afternoon, at the sun’s peak, if she did both the mowing and the lining.

That was their unspoken agreement for the past two summers. Kelley maintained Pike Place during the summer, and Sydney would just let her have the money that was sent by a check in Leo’s name, but was sourced from Hope. After catching Kelley leaving the little house on the property in the morning for the second time, Sydney just gave her the keys to both of Hope’s houses.. The trainer made sure to look away when Kelley’s eyes teared when she held the key in her hand.

When they both had finished fixing up the field, Kelley jumped into the river without waiting for Sydney to ask her what she was doing when she had stripped down to her bra and underwear. The water was cooling and she felt baptized with a new spirit when she saw the fish that swam alongside of her.

“Do you ever bring Dom here?” Kelley asked when she noticed Sydney tanning on the bank.

“Nah.” Syd said.

“Why not? It’s fucking beautiful here!” Kelley said in excitement and she looked all around. This place really was invigorating.

 “It’s Hope’s.” Syd shrugged. “It feels like something special that only those who need to know about it, know about it.”

The girl dumped her head in the river to cool off the emotion that was starting to arise in her. She hoped that this piece of Earth would always be able to calm her down, like it was doing now.

“You think Hope is cool with me training here?” Kelley asked when she wiped the water from her eyes. Sydney chuckled in response.

“I think Hope loves you more than anything else on this Earth kid.” Sydney said with a softened seriousness. And the trainer knew that she didn’t answer the question that Kelley asked, but she knew that she answered the question that was always on Kelley’s mind. The woman felt a little pang in her chest when Kelley swam away in response, no doubt to hide her emotional response. Sydney was finding it harder and harder to hide the fact that she had actually spoke to Hope a few weeks ago from the girl.

Whenever Sydney looked at Kelley, she felt a little responsible for how things played out in the end. No, Syd did NOT know that her friend was having an inappropriate relationship with a student, and yes, she was a little hurt when she found out about it. Till this day, the trainer knew that the situation was not black and white. She didn’t blame Carli for taking the position that she did, but everytime Sydney saw the lights in Kelley’s eyes go out at the mention of the absence of Hope, or the one time she heard Hope’s voice and just felt the humanity and heartbreak in it, Sydney couldn’t help but root for this ‘inappropriate’ pairing. Sometimes Syd wondered if she was enabling Kelley, letting the girl hold on to a woman that was painfully unavailable at the moment. She questioned if it was her fault that Kelley would always choose to alienate herself in a hidden piece of the woods, instead of going on the many dates with the girls that were hitting up her phone.

They had grown close, and when Kelley had dragged her body out of the river, she was almost close to telling Kelley that Hope was no longer radio silent.

“I got a text from Alex, saying that she asked you if you could train her.” Kelley said as she plopped herself down on the grass.

_Oh shit. Another thing I haven’t told her._

“Oh yeah…I forgot to tell you.” Syd said. Her mind forgot about Hope for a second.

“Are you going to do it?” Kelley asked when she pulled her t-shirt on.

“Why do I strangely feel like I need to ask for your blessing?” Sydney asked. Kelley chuckled.

“You don’t, Syd.” The girl offered. “She had a good spring season and I’m sure she wants to catch up to my goal record.” She smirked.

“Have you been talking to her?” Syd asked curiously.

Kelley scoffed at that. She had been doing quite the opposite. After that moment in Alex’s bedroom over the winter break, The Stanford forward had made it her mission to leave her phone in her dorm room so that she would have the excuse not to talk to her former best friend. Of course, Kelley didn’t really want to talk to anyone much, but after reading the first few texts from Alex when they had all gone back to school, it was clear that Alex definitely remembered what happened that night, and that Alex’s only solution to their problems would be to talk about it. And Kelley just didn’t have the mental capacity to tackle the situation head on. Not at this time in her life. So she let the many texts and call go unanswered and by the time the spring season was halfway over, her phone stopped blowing up from the girl that had broken her heart in a different way.

“I wonder why she texted you that she asked me.” Syd observed.

“Just as a way to start talking to me again? I don’t know.” Kelley shrugged. The woman felt like pushing her into the river.

 Sydney shook her head. “One of these days, kid. You’re gonna regret not forgiving her.”

For the second time, Kelley scoffed.

“You’re so fucking young, dude.” Syd said. She knew that Kelley hated to hear that, but this was a time that her naivety and her youth were apparent, and in Syd’s opinion, if she really wanted to build a life with someone ten years older than her, she had to learn to grow up on these matters.

“What would I regret, syd?” Kelley challenged. “What she did was fucked up.”

“Babe.” Syd shook her head. “That girl loves you. She literally gave up her friends and her reputation to protect you because she thought you were being taken advantage of.”

“Syd-”

“Look. I don’t blame Morgan. At all.” Sydney said with strength. “I love you, I love Hope, and you know I support you 100%. But if I was an outsider, I would have definitely done what Carli did. And if Hope was a man….oooo.”

“I guess.” Kelley said with a sigh.

“What I’m saying is: Hope bounced so that you could live a more normal life. So that you wouldn’t have all this weird rumor shit hanging around, and so your career would be about you and not her.” Kelley shook her head at that. She would never understand that. “And Alex did what she thought was best for you too. In a different way. She didn’t want your life to be overshadowed by Hope’s influence either.”

“But-”

“They both love you.” Syd cut in. “They just showed it in different ways, bro. You gotta give Morgan credit.”

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

“Heeeey.”

Alex gave a sly smile at the sight of Christen and Tobin’s interlaced hands as they stood outside the restaurant waiting for her arrival. She noticed the way Tobin blushed and Christen beamed, and it felt so natural seeing them together.

“That’s too much PDA coming from you, two.” She remarked.

Christen gave her a one armed hug before Tobin pulled her into a bone crushing bear hold that made her fear for her life for a few seconds. Alex observed the way the couple in front of her interacted. Their bodies accommodated each other in every way. When Christen stepped right, Tobin moved left to give her some space. When Tobin stirred her coffee, Christen put down another packet of sugar by the cup, knowing that Tobin was eventually going to look for it. They ordered things off the menu for each other, and the other ended up loving it. The cuteness was becoming too much that Alex Morgan was close to throwing up.

“So… how have you been superstar?” Christen asked after she had wiped the ketchup from the side of Tobin’s mouth.

Alex’s body and mind were buzzing from the high of a good life right now that she didn’t know where to start. The three of them talked about their seasons, all while highlighting the fact that they had been reading good things about Alex’s performance in the tail end of their sophomore year. The forward brushed it off bashfully, but she internally glowed at the praise that she never thought would come her way.

“I heard some like small brands want you to advertise for them.” Tobin said with a suspicious stare. “Is that true?”

Alex was secretly loving that the attention was all on her. She had to appreciate the tact that the couple in front of her had. They were both equally engrossed into each other, and into her and her life. Maybe it was the conversation with Coach Lloyd or maybe it was the fact that Kelley was ignoring her, but she started her spring semester with something to prove and it was nice to know that people were starting to talk about her. Her star was getting brighter and brighter. And she was responsible for it all.

In fact, she was feeling so good, that she decided to take a gamble and bring up a topic that always came up when these old high school friends were together.

“So have you guys hung out with Kelley yet?” Alex asked when she put the piece of dessert in her mouth.

“Well I just saw Kell like 5 days ago because we both flew here together.’ Christen looked at Tobin, “And this one still hasn’t talked to her so...”

Tobin shrugged and looked away.

“How is she?” Alex asked.

“She’s…Kelley.” Christen said, like it was self-explanatory. “I texted her yesterday and she was training with Syd. Is she still ignoring you?”

 

“Yep!” Alex said, letting the ‘p’ sound pop. “At least I’m not the only one.” She said looking at the UNC midfielder. She didn’t want to waste any more time with Kelley last winter break so she had sent multiple text messages explaining that she had felt something that night. The Cal forward was never going to hide how much it stung to look at her phone and see that the last text she had gotten from Kelley was received in 2015.

“But Syd said that she would work with me over the summer so that’s good news.”Alex said with a shrug.

“That was nice of Kelley to share.” Tobin said in a tone that was not very complimentary of the Stanford forward. “She usually gets everything.”

“Babe.” Christen looked at her with an expression that asked ‘what did you accomplish with that statement?’

Tobin shrugged and rolled her eyes before she excused herself to go to the bathroom. Alex took a big gulp from her drink.

“She’ll get over it.” Christen said.

“Will she?” Alex asked with disbelief. “Will either of them?”

Christen shrugged. “Time will fix things.”

Alex Morgan wondered if time would fix ALL things.

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

Kelley had made a habit of walking everywhere when she spent her days in Peachtree because if college taught her anything, it was that her hometown was a very small place compared to the rest of the world. Hope’s Porsche was in need of some maintenance and she always left it up to Paul to fix those kinds of things, so she was kind of forced to develop the habit. She had her headphones in while she started to begin loving the solitary walks and the peace they brought.

At first, she never took her phone because cmon it was Peachtree, but the text messages and DMs from a lot of random girls was starting to flood her notifications and as the months flew by, she was becoming more and more curious about her sudden surge of small fame.

She had been so engrossed in her self and her head and her heartbreak, but that night at Alex’s house with the Cal team had made her curious. She had managed to keep her head down, but when she had made a twitter account to accompany her Instagram which had a sizable following for a college athlete, she found her Mind blown.

Stanford loved her.

She never paid attention to the crowds at their home fields until afterwards, but she noticed that the only sport that drew bigger audiences was football. Websites devoted to college soccer featured her game face all the time. People bought the Stanford soccer jersey and markered her last name in the back of it.  All of this had flown past the top of her head during her freshman and most of sophomore year.

When she had gotten back to school for her spring semester, she finally started to notice that everyone knew her name. The guy at the library that she had never met before casually called her by her first name and the girl that always served her coffee in the morning had requested to follow her on Instagram and suggested that she just make the account public.

So when kelley decided to do just that, she quickly realized how many college girls were wondering what her sexuality was, because they were interested. And they all let Kelley know 

Her text notification went off in her headphones and she couldn’t help but feel _a little_ satisfaction that the girl in her biology class last semester that she found insanely attractive had just DM’ed her on Twitter. It was a big boost for her ego, but she made sure to check herself a little when she put her phone back in her pocket. Because it was just one girl out of the many that actually knew nothing about her. She continued to walk down the street and bopped her head along to the music as the sun disappeared.

She thought about stopping by Christen’s on the way to Hope’s house, but she decided against it when she saw Tobin’s jeep in the driveway. Usually Kelley preferred to sleep at the house on Pike Place instead of Hope’s actual home just because of the many memories it encased, but she was not about to make that long trek in the dark, and since she was seeking solitude, she knew that either place would give it to her.

She took her phone out of her pocket and flipped through her many apps when she made herself a hot cup of decaf on Hope’s old stove. She stared at Biology class girl’s picture for a really long time before she eventually decided to dial Hope’s number instead.

It rang and it rang as she Stirred in a teaspoon of sugar as she awaited for the usual voicemail message.

The ringing stopped. It took Kelley 3 seconds before she realized that it wasn’t going to voicemail. She dropped the spoon in her hand.

“Hope?”

She didn’t even think about how desperate her voice sounded because this was the first time in a little over two years, 745 days to be exact, since Kelley first began leaving voice mails.

She waited and she waited. She would always wait as she begged for the static in her headphones to produce SOMETHING, anything that could give her a reason to live.

She was beginning to cry because she could only hear her heartbeat. She didn’t know if she could mentally overcome this cruel glitch in technology. The line sounded like it was going to break anyhow and the connection horrible.

“Cap.”

It was Hope’s voice. It was beautiful and its’s eminence brought Kelley down to her knees, literally. 

“Hope is that you??” She asked as she gripped the counter over her head to stabilize her body.  she had to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating.

“Kell.” This woman that had held her heart for so long had twisted it with that one syllable. And Kelley wanted to be fully present in this moment so she let her body feel all of the blood rush to her head.

“Hope. I-“ what was she to  say? What could possibly be so eloquent enough to describe the pulsing desire to just be with someone against all odds. How could she describe to Hope the stinging sensation of her eyes that would not shut as they stared at her name in her phone every night? How could she relay the feeling she got in her stomach every time she put on her leather jacket in the winter time and she just begged for it to be Hope’s arms? How do you talk about the overwhelming and anxiety induced shakes she got out of nowhere when she thought about how Hope was still breathing and carrying on a life that she had o idea about?

Her body was too wired for her to curse herself for not being able to express herself.

“I can’t talk.” Hope said gently. “But I just…..”

Static and maybe silence hung around for a torturous few more seconds.

“I love y-“

The call ended.

Kelley’s heavy breathing filled the echo chamber inside her head, encased by her headphones. She stayed on her knees on that spot on Hope’s kitchen floor until the sun came up. The cup of coffee went untouched.

 

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

“Hey.” Christen said cheerfully. She perked up at the sight of Kelley hovering over the engine in the opened hood of one of Hope’s cars and she bounced over to her neighbor’s driveway, in order to give her best friend a hello.

She jumped back slightly at the sight of Kelley’s alarmingly haggard look.

“Are you okay?” Christen said as she stepped forward.

“Yeah.” Kelley said with a bug-eyed look that made her look like maybe she was hooked on some type of drug. It sure looked like it.

“What’s going on? Why do you look so-“

Kelley’s eyes trailed over to something behind Christen.

Tobin had come out looking for Christen because it was taking her a weird amount of time to get her phone charging cord from her car and when she stuck her head out, the midfielder was sort of thrown off to see Kelley O’Hara for the first time in a long time. The midfielder stayed in her spot and observed that it looked like Kelley was fixing something in a car in Hope’s driveway, and Tobin could just feel the empathy rolling off of her girlfriend’s body for one of her former friend’s.

Kelley looked so different than Tobin remembered. She looked so fiery and alert, while at the same time ready to take a nap from all of the bullshit that life was serving. The girl looked like she didn’t know how to smile anymore. Tobin finally walked out of the house to build a bridge, but when Kelley made eye contact with her for the first time in a long time, she almost reconsidered. But it was too late.

“Hey.” Tobin said shyly.

No response from the Stanford Cardinal.

“Kell.” Christen warned.

“I gotta go.” The freckled face girl said. She wiped her hands on a rag in the back of her jean pocket and let the hood close down, before she pulled out a pair of keys.

“Kelley…” Christen called out softly.

“Hey. Did uh-” Tobin blurted out. “Did you talk to Hope last night?”

Kelley stopped in her tracks.

“Babe, why would you ask that?” Christen was so confused why Tobin would bring the subject of Hope up, or even remind Kelley about the fact that she hadn’t heard from the woman. But Tobin ignored the question, because she had a feeling that Kelley knew exactly what she was asking.

“Why are you asking me that Heath?” The forward asked slowly. The anger was starting to rise.

“I just. I-I” Tobin looked at Christen for some help, but her girlfriend had absolutely no idea where she was going with this. “Hope said that she had talked to you.” Tobin said quietly. And it didn’t take her long to realize that this was the absolute worst way to attempt to salvage a friendship with Kelley O’Hara.

“What?” Christen almost yelled.

“Tobin, what?” Christen repeated while she watched Tobin’s face, and then tried to stop Kelley from getting in the car and driving away. She was unsuccessful. The girl had pushed her off effortlessly and slammed the door before the engine roared to life.

“What the fuck is going on?” Christen asked with her hands in her hair as the tires of the car peeled out onto the road. She turned to look at her girlfriend who looked so surprised by Kelley’s reaction.

“What do you mean ‘Hope said’? Have you talked to Hope??” Christen demanded.

Tobin immediately backed away and put her hands up.

“Well, yeah….” Tobin said like it was no big deal.

 

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

 

 

The last thing Kelley needed was exactly what she found on her parent’s doorstep. She didn’t really know why she had the instinct to drive to her parent’s house after hearing what Tobin just said, but she chose to follow it, and now she was realizing what a mistake it was.

When the car pulled up to the curb, she didn’t even unbuckle her seatbelt, because she found herself staring at her older sister through the window. Erin looked surprised to see her. She had grocery bags in her hand and when the eldest O’Hara realized who was in the car, the bags came crashing down to the ground.

Kelley thought that Erin looked good. She was still beautiful as ever. She seemed to be doing well, the only indication otherwise would be the sad expression she wore at the sight of her little sister. When Erin made a step towards her car, Kelley turned on the engine and booked it down the street. Because she wasn’t ready for this conversation, and she didn’t think that she would ever be.

And the sight of Erin in her rear view mirror made Kelley realize even though she wasn’t ready, her problems and her skeletons were always going to catch up to her.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

“Syd, is it cool if I head to the weight room?” Kelley asked as she cradled her phone into her shoulder.

“I mean…yeah… even though I told you it was rest day?” The trainer laughed.

“Whatever, I’ll do something light.” Kelley said as she walked through the parking lot.

“Sure. What time?” Sydney asked.

“I mean….I’m opening the door now.” Kelley said.

“Hi!!!” An excited voice squealed.

Kelley was starting to really hate surprises.

“Hey cap.” Sydney said with a light tone that indicated that she knew this was going to be an awkward moment. She walked forward and gave a frozen Kelley,who stood by the door, a high five. The girl wasjust unable to comprehend what to do next at the sight of Alex Morgan doing lunges with _her_ trainer and _her_ weights in _her_ weight room. She was close to losing it.

“I’m gonna go and get some more medicine balls.” Sydney said like it was an excellent suggestion.

“They’re in that closet.” Kelley said as she pointed at the closet 5 feet away.

“No. I’m gonna get the special ones in the football weight room.” Sydney offered. Kelley watched her trainer in disbelief and she tried to mentally drag out the seconds before she was left alone with Alex.

The second that the door closed and Sydney left the room, It was rapid-fire questions. Kelley literally didn’t have the energy to fight anymore so she answered all of her former friend’s questions with one word answers. Alex didn’t seem to be deterred. It seemed that she had chosen to act like Kelley hadn’t spent months ignoring her, and the Stanford forward was fine with that because the life was treating her cruelly and now she just wanted to sit or lay down.

“Alex?”

“Yep?”

“Can you please shut up?” Kelley asked weakly when she laid down on the bench in the corner.

“Shit I just came her to work out.” Alex responded with a level of sass so high. She decided to back off a little when she saw Kelley put her arms over her eyes, and continued to go through the routine that Syd had laid out for her.

For what felt like maybe two minutes, but actually ended up being thirty minutes, Kelley had actually managed to drift off into sleep. She was awoken by the clinking of weights being stored back on a rack and she woke up in a panic to find Sydney looking at her with an amused expression, and Alex Morgan with her shirt off and only a sports bra on to cover her upper half.

She squirmed at how that made her feel.

“I didn’t think that Kelley O’Hara actually slept.” Sydney said as she snapped her fingers in front of Kelley’s eyes that she didn’t know were looking at Alex’s lower back dimples. The trainer gave her a bemused expression, but Kelley didn’t want to read too much into it.

“I didn’t either.” Kelley responded.

“Well, Ms. Morgan over here needs a ride home. Can you give her one?” Syd asked with raised eyebrows.

“Uh no.” Kelley said simply as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. The trainer didn’t look amused while Alex didn’t look very surprised nor affected by her former friend’s answer.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to be a question.” Syd said while she continued to put the equipment away. 

“Oh don’t act like it’s the end of the world.” Alex said playfully. She had a perpetual smile on her face, one that Kelley found very surprising (remember she hated surprises). And after many eye rolls and loud and exasperated sighs, Kelley found herself staring at Alex buckling herself in on the passenger side of her/Hope’s car.

“Why are you so happy?” Kelley asked with irritation.

“Because it’s funny!” Alex said . “Lighten up!”

“What’s funny?” She looked around and could find no reason for Alex’s cheery disposition.

“You and I have literally switched personalities. You’re grumpy me in high school and I’m now you. And now you are here giving me rides home because you’re the one with a car now.” The girl didn’t think that a truer statement had ever been uttered.

“Yeah well, I was in love in high school.”

“You’re not now?” Alex asked quietly. And she knew that maybe that pointed question was not going to get Kelley to open up to her and all of their problems would be fixed. She expected the reaction she was living through now. She saw the tension in Kelley’s shoulders and she rolled her eyes at the venom her former best friend was spewing at her now. It was nothing worse than what she had played in her head. Alex sat back and tuned Kelley’s words out when she went on a rant about no one understanding her and what she was going through and how dare Alex act like it was a trivial matter.

It wasn’t that Alex was being insensitive. It was just that if there was anything she had learned in the past few months, is that she had wasted a lot of time worrying about the things that she couldn’t have changed. She knew it all before. She ruined Hope’s life. She had a shit freshman year. She had let her friendship with Kelley go so easily. Those were all things that were in the past.

And the only thing she could control was what she did NOW.

“Are you done now?” Alex asked when they had arrived at her driveway. It seemed like a natural stoppage to Kelley’s tirade. She looked down at Kelley’s hand that was shaking on top of the stick shift and she placed her hand on top of it and leaned over the console to plant a kiss on her friend’s cheek.

“You can be mad at me for as long as you want.” Alex said softly as her lips hovered close to Kelley’s ear. “But I’m not going anywhere.” The proximity of their faces was starting to bring back memories that made Kelley’s face go red with heat.

“Except of course to my own house.“ Alex said before she unbuckled herself.

“Goodnight, Kelley.”

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

She sat on the bank of the river in the dead of night with her feet in the water and she looked down at the bright glare of her phone. She let the phone ring and ring and ring. She must have been insane. Everytime she called, she swore that a different result would arise and Hope would answer the phone. By the 20th call, a record for one night, she watched her iphone’s bright screen shine bright as it slowly sunk to the bottom of the river.

Her body just shook because she wished her anger would go down with her phone.

She had never really been angry with Hope until this point. Her days were filled with sadness and confusion aimed towards Hope, but her anger was always directed at the other people she felt were responsible for her situation. It had never been directed to this woman that had been so far away, but now she was starting to realize how FAR Hope had intentionally stationed herself.

Knowing that Hope had talked to Tobin, _of all people,_ after their call had been dropped or whatever the fuck, had been the tipping point and was the reason why her phone was at the bottom of the river. She didn’t know what to do anymore.

_If Hope doesn’t want me to reach her, then what’s the point in having a phone. It’s not like she’ll ever call._

She would mentally combust if she spent any more time thinking about the fact that Hope had the ability to talk to her, it was just that it was choice not to.

Kelley walked back into the structure that she could now call home and she wrapped herself in blankets that reminded her of how Hope smelled and she found the comfort in it for four straight days.

She didn’t talk to anyone. Well, she couldn’t really. But she was more than happy to go off the grid and live amongst Hope’s things because it created this illusion that she had actually built a life with her. She fished, she trained, and she wore the clothes that Hope left behind. Damn, did she wish that this was her real life.

She had spent most of her waking minutes pushing herself to the edge so that she could feel something, so that she could get the one other thing she really wanted in life. And for the most part, she was starting to be okay with being at the top of the college game because Stanford was starting to grow on her and she was still playing soccer. But it was no secret that she just wished that the other thing she wanted so desperately in this life wasn’t so unattainable. And she knew that the ones closest to her were starting to realize her insanity. That’s why it was very cleansing for her psyche to have these four days to be alone.

She knew that eventually real life was going to come back and beg for her attention. She just didn’t anticipate Alex Morgan being the person that would be knocking on her Pike Place door.

“What the fuck are you doing here Morgan?”

The response came in the form of a soccer ball being pelted right in the middle of her stomach. And she barely heard the girl’s response as she gasped for air.

“It’s time to train, captain.”

She picked herself up off the ground to get a sight of Alex Morgan walking up to the field with a bag of balls over her shoulder that looked a lot like the ones that Syd kept in her supply closet. And the sight equally angered and intrigued her, so she grabbed her cleats at the side of the door and ran to catch up with her.

“What are you doing here?”

“Uh…” Alex looked at her workout clothes, the field, and the bag of balls over her shoulder. “training. What the fuck does it look like, Kell?”

“What makes you think that you can even train here?” She still had not gotten the answer as to how Alex had found this place the first time she made an appearance here, but now that she was clearly sober, it was a time to press the issue.

“Uh…because the owner of this place said I could.”

“Syd’s not-”

“I know Sydney doesn’t own this place.” Alex said like she was already bored with this conversation. She left Kelley to digest that information and she started pulling out the balls so that she could start practicing her shots. She only turned around to see Kelley lost in the clouds of her thoughts.

“Don’t go haywire up there.” Alex warned. “Yes, I talked to Hope.”

“How?” Kelley asked. “How is it that it’s SO FUCKING EASY for everyone else to get a hold of her?”

“I don’t know. She was talking to Sydney on speakerphone we I was last training with her and I spoke to her then.” Alex replied with a shrug.

Kelley started walking away from this conversation. She was starting to get really good at walking away.

“Maybe if you had read my text you would have known that Hope was asking about you!” She heard Alex call after her.

All the peace that she had obtained from the past four days was obliterated by the scream she let out and the curses she threw at the sky.

“Damn…” Alex muttered to herself.

 

 

~~

 

 

By the time Alex was so exhausted that she had to lay down, it had been three hours since her arrival and she looked up to see Kelley still dribbling the ball up and down the field like a fucking cyborg because her fitness level was not human. Whatever she was eating, Alex had to start that diet.

“Okay, you won.” Alex yelled out. “I get it.” She observed that Kelley didn’t even skip a beat at the sound of her voice. She was in a different kind of zone. Alex figured that the only other person she knew that ever reached this level of focus was Tobin. She hoped to get there some day.

It was beautiful sight though. Kelley with a ball at her feet in this strange paradise that Hope Solo had created long ago. She felt very lucky and very humbled to witness it.

“You look like you were born to do that.” Alex said gently when Kelley had brought the ball to a calm and she sat down next to her. Kelley seemed to have genuinely appreciated that comment, and she displayed her gratitude in a rare smile.

“This really does calm you down, huh?” Alex asked.

“Not too sure if it calms me down, or if it just reawakens who I used to be.” Kelley said very slowly.

“Ahhh.” Alex nodded in understanding. “So youre in that stage.”

“What is that stage?” Kelley asked as she laid down and looked over at the river and started regretting her decision again. Alex followerd her gaze.

“I’m talking about how you’re looking to recreate the past. Holding on to something, instead of creating something new.” Alex said simply.

 

 

“Like, there’s no point in worrying about your phone. It’s at the bottom of the river dude. It’s not going to come back to life and give you back the day that you missed Hope calling you.” She gave Kelley the strong dose of reality that she was sure she was missing since her and Christen had apparently broken up. Kelley threw the ball furiously, but other than that she had no rebuttal to Alex’s words. And they just sat there while Kelley worked through her current anger.

“So what if I’m trying to hold onto something?” Kelley asked, a little defensively. “Does that make me stupid?”

“Absolutely not.” Alex said. “You’re wonderful.”

Kelley just didn’t see how that was true. Past the superficial internet world full of women and men that hit her up and the people at Stanford that would literally bend over backwards for her without knowing what her middle name was, she didn’t believe that people could really value her beyond her goal scoring ability.

“I’m guessing that you’re not in that stage of recreating anymore?” Kelley asked. She was curious.

Alex chuckled.

“Not at all. I’m-” She searched for the right words. “I’m looking to create anew. Something better.”

“Sounds legit” Kelley interjected. They both chuckled. “What’s that mean?” She turned her head to see Alex pensively mulling it over.

“You’ll see.” Was all she said.

They sat there catching their breath and Kelley was starting to realize that she had just spent a big chunk of her day with someone that she was never supposed to hang out with again. She looked over at Alex, who was close to falling asleep, and it caught her by surprise at how quickly the hours had flown by, and how _easy_ it all sort of felt. Granted, the majority of the time was spent in 1 v 1’s and impromptu crossbar challenges, but Kelley had found it calming and nostalgic that Alex Morgan had found her way to be right next to her. It was a little unreal. And it was a little bit charming. It wreaked of simpler days, and maybe it was her urge to hold onto the past like Alex described, but it was a warm feeling and a really nice break from the perpetual turmoil she experienced at thoughts of Hope.

“So what happened to you and Christen?” Alex piped up. She had not fallen asleep.

“We’re not going there.” Kelley said quickly.

“Oh, did our ‘friendly’ time expire already?” Alex fake pouted. Kelley shook her head in a bemused expression and she helped Alex round up all of the balls.

The Stanford forward found herself laughing a little when she realized that Alex was going to need a ride home.

“You sure are becoming like an old me.” Kelley said softly.

“It’s not a bad thing.” Alex said softly.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

She still had not replaced her phone. It was mostly because she didn’t want to back it all up to find that she had missed a call from Hope. The sight would have probably ended her. It was okay for her to know that information, but she didn’t want to have the device in her hand to constantly remind her. Plus, it was a great way for her to focus on herself. And if someone really wanted to contact her, then they would know where to find her. Only those that mattered knew where she was usually.

She had been walking to Hope’s house when she ran into Christen and Ashlyn, who had been worried sick from Kelley’s radio silence. She hugged them close when they embraced her, and invited them into Hope’s house to hang out.

“Why do you look…good? Like you look like you just came back from a day at the beach. So calm.” Ashlyn remarked.

“Is it the lack of a phone?” Christen suggested.

Kelley nodded that it must have been the reason. “Yeah. I think that it has been one of the best decisions I’ve made.” Kelley said. She didn’t mean it 100%, because she still thought about the person that had forced the decision, but overall it had actually been a positive thing.

“How so?” Christen pressed (pun intended).

“Well…Ashlyn had found a way to talk to me even though I don’t have a phone. Just gets me thinking that I’m starting to realize who values me, ya know?”

Ashlyn shot her a big smile, while Christen stayed quiet.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

“I think Christen is upset at me.” Kelley said out loud. It was random, she knew, but since she didn’t have the ability to make her nightly phone calls to Hope anymore soChristen’s hurt look that night that Ashlyn had come over had stuck in her brain.

“What did you do this time?” Alex said before she had put her feet into the river.

“I don’t know.” Kelley said thoughtfully. She didn’t really have anyone else to talk to about these things, because the only alternative would have been Syd, but she had not quite gotten over the fact that Syd still had not told her that she had spoken to Hope. Plus, they had laid down the tracks of their friendship long ago, and even though the route was diverted, Kelley knew that Alex could handle her ramblings.

Kelley had to admit that she didn’t anticipate how much Alex really meant it when she said that she wasn’t going anywhere. Every single time Kelley and Sydney had a session, Alex was there.  Every time she set out to train, either Alex was just finishing up sprint training, or halfway through her own when Alex had rolled up in her mom’s minivan. She didn’t' really have the right to kick Alex off since it wasn't her field to do so. She was getting used to Alex’s newfound unapologetic nature and sometimes when their sessions ran into each other, Kelley found it a really good element of a challenge added to her training. She figured that the 'something better' that Alex was trying to create was her game, and Kelley knew that she was well on her way to achieving that goal. It was nice to have a common goal with someone.

“Dare I say that I think that you’re opening up to me.” Alex said in mock disbelief. It was a risk to verbally acknowledge how much Kelley had actually allowed her in her life, but she felt a satisfaction when that earned her another exasperated smile that seemed to say 'don't push it'.

“Did you talk shit about Tobin?” Alex asked curiously.

“Me? I would never do that.” Kelley responded with a straight face. Alex scoffed.

“I hope you didn’t do that in front of CP.” Alex warned.

“I would never do that in front of Christen.” Kelley reassured solemnly. Alex hated that twist of jealousy bubbling in her stomach again. It wasn’t something that she was well equipped to deal with. It was hard to explain, but Alex was really curious to know what had happened between her two friends that made their bond so sacred. It used to be Alex that Kelley had a special relationship with.

“So then what did you do?” Alex asked in a mild form of frustration.

Kelley shrugged again.

“Wait. Are you telling me that you really have no read on your special friend, Christen Press?” Alex asked suspiciously.

Kelley nodded.

“Wait…since when did you get so horrible at being able to read women??”

Kelley looked taken aback. “I don’t-I mean…I don’t think I’ve gotten _horrible_ at it…”

Alex looked at her with a sympathetic look.

“No! Look- maybe…I don’t think it’s that I’m horrible at it…I guess I just don’t pay attention as much as I used to..” The realization started hitting her.

“You used to be a pro at it.” Alex offered. “What happened to you? How’d you lose your game?” And as soon as she saw the way the tension riddled up Kelley’s shoulders, she didn’t need the girl to say it for her to know the answer.

_Hope Solo happened to me._

_~~_

 

“Let’s get coffee.” Alex said. It wasn’t a questions, just a command and she relished when Kelley didn’t even fight it. It had been a couple of weeks since they had begun seeing each other everyday, and it just felt like it was a natural progression for them to branch out and do something that was not soccer related.

Their conversations were starting to open up a little, just like Kelley was. Alex knew that Hope, for now, was an off limits subject, but the fact that Kelley was willing to open up about Christen seemed like real progress. They still never talked about what had happened over winter break, and she could tell that Kelley had no interest in doing so.

She had witnessed with her own eyes how guarded Kelley O’Hara actually was, and how much she had regressed with her ability to deal with extreme emotions, probably because she was wound tight in holding on to that one thing that Alex couldn’t blame her for. She knew that Kelley would deal with it in her own time, and that Alex’s presence would probably speed it all along, but it was up to the girl herself. And Alex was okay with that. Because even though she was getting to know this very different Kelley, there were moments in training or when they were just talking when she would see glimpses of a person that she was sure Hope Solo had fallen in love with.

“You got my order right…” Kelley said slowly as she let the liquid dance around her taste buds.

Alex shrugged. “I figured that it would be the same thing you would always get except no sugar, no milk, or no cream.”

“And how did you get to that conclusion?” Kelley asked curiously. Alex pulled her chair out so that she could sit across her friend and thought it over.

“It’s still you, but with a darker soul.”

Kelley liked that assessment. It sounded about right. She leaned back into her chair and just gave Alex a really meaningful once over and she started to wonder if this girl was always so intuitive about her.

“How are you doing this? How do you just know?”

“What? Like it’s hard to figure you out?” Alex asked incredulously. Kelley thought that maybe it wasn’t seriously complex, but she had gotten feedback from others that she had a mysterious vibe about her. She shrugged. Alex sighed.

“Kell, I’ve known you for a _long time._ Don’t forget that.” Alex said softly.

“I know.” Kelley muttered. But really she had forgotten. It really had been quite awhile since she had found any real comfort from people in her past, even though that’s exactly what she was seeking. The only people that she had really let in were Sydney and Christen, and now that those two options were limited, she was starting to realize how much she really did miss the intimacy of someone knowing her mind.

“You can be upset with me. I get it.” Alex gently intruded her thoughts. “But I understand now.”

“What?” Kelley asked.

“I understand what you wanted me to back in the day with Hope.” Alex shrugged. “I thought that I was protecting you, but I KNOW now that you didn’t need it.”

Maybe that’s all Kelley wanted right now from Alex. Maybe she wanted more. Maybe she wanted Alex to go back in time and fix all of this, but when she looked at her friend sadly take a sip from her own drink, she realized that no one at this table, no one on this Earth could do that. It was 2017, and even the most powerful force, her love for Hope, couldn’t do it. Here they were, drinking coffee, lamenting the past, doing the only thing humanly possible for them to do.

“Just wanted you to know that this huge part of you was something I didn’t get back then,” Alex started, “but I spent the last couple of years trying to get it.”

Kelley felt like crying. But she sipped her drink instead.

“Anyways…” Alex could tell that there was a need for a shift in the mood. She just wasn’t prepared for the solution to be the arrival of Christen and Tobin. And with one look at Kelley’s face when the couple had walked up to their table, Alex just knew that this wasn’t going to be good.

 

 

 


	24. Let Me Down Gently

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let Me Down Gently - La Roux

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe, I'l edit for grammer mistakes....maybe

“Hey” Tobin's voice sliced through the serious atmosphere at the table like a dull knife through butter.

Alex automatically stood up to give her friend a hug and so that her body could get rid of the tension, but her anxious eyes found Christen, who looked a little more hesitant of the couple to approach the table. She was eyeing Kelley and Alex a little apprehensively and Alex couldn't quit pinpoint the reason why. There were multiple potential reasons, but she just didn't know which one was at the forefront of Christen’s mind.

“Hey, Chris.” Kelley said softly and attentively. Alex felt that twinge of jealousy again at the sight of Kelley’s rapt attention to someone else. Kelley completely ignored Tobin's presence, the only indication of her acknowledgement of Tobin was her body initially stiffening at the sight of the UNC midfielder. Kelley only slightly relaxed at the sight of Christen. But only slightly.

“Hi.” Christen responded. She seemed to feel a little better at Kelley's response. “What are you two up to?”

“Just chattin,” Alex said with a light tone that subliminally indicated that the conversation had been anything but light.

“Cool. Can we join?” Christen said a little more cheerily.

“Yeah sure.” Kelley said quickly. She sprang up to get one chair, and one chair only, and she propped up the chair to sit right next to her. Alex felt her eyes narrow a little.

“Uhh.” Tobin hesitated. Everyone looked at her when she muttered to her girlfriend, “Babe. We were just gonna do our own thing tonight, remember?”

“What’s the matter, Heath?” Kelley asked aggressively. Alex could see Christen ready to say something, her apprehension articulated into words, were on the tip of her tongue, but she set her jaw instead. Alex looked on with widened eyes like she was ready to absorb everything about this exchange.

“Nothing dude. We were just stopping by to get a drink before we hung out for the night.” Tobin shrugged. Everyone could feel Kelley's anger spike.

“Well she asked if she could join...” Kelley quickly retorted. Christen put her hand on Kelley’s arm as if to already calm a fighting Kelley. Alex could feel it, too, but she sat across the table and watched with her own eyes how much she had missed in the past two years. Alex had absolutely no experience with this Tobin/Kelley fight. She had some second hand knowledge about it, and she had talked to Christen about her relationship with Kelley, but she had never witnessed all of this with her own eyes.

 “I get it, O’Hara.” Tobin said with an eye roll. “You’re not my biggest fan.”

 “Got that fucking right.” Kelley muttered

 “Kell.” Christen sighed.

“Dude, I’m SO past trying to get your forgiveness.” Tobin said with an irritated sigh. “I begged for it for such a long fucking time. And I haven’t said absolute shit to you to give you your space. I’m just fucking done.”

“Can you two just stop?” Christen said through gritted teeth.

“Hey, I’m just standing up for you, you’re the one who wanted to come join Alex and I.” Kelley said with a shrug. She tried to evoke the act of cool indifference and that her shrug would absolve her of her wrongdoing, but the fire in her eyes were visible to everyone.

“Oh fuck off, Kelley.” Tobin interjected.

“What? Mad that you’re girlfriend slept with me first?” Kelley said with her tongue rolling on her lip like she was tasting the satisfaction off of that statement.

“DO NOT-” Christen opted to not finish her sentence. She just grabbed Kelley by the shirt and dragged her out of the coffee shop like a mother would with her screaming toddler. Alex on the other hand, did not move a muscle as she watched Tobin work through whatever emotions she was harboring before she excused herself for the bathroom.

“DO NOT EVER DO THAT AGAIN, KELLEY!” Christen hissed.

“It was a joke.” Kelley said as she rolled her eyes. She threw her hands up in the air. “I mean, whatever, I was just stating a fact.”

“You did it to hurt her.” Christen countered.

“Ugh” Kelley groaned. “Whatever.””

“Well that hurt me, too.” Christen said with a piercing stare.

That hit her where it counted. Kelley was starting to regret that statement. She knew that the other night she had said something that bothered Christen, and now she was adding to the list of reasons to hate her.  She sighed and she was now hating Alex for making her come out tonight. The last thing she wanted was to run into Tobin. That girl always riled her up.

“Whatever, Chris.” Kelley’s irritation was spiking. “I loved you too, so why can’t I stand up for you. She can’t tell you who to hang out with.”

She watched Christen inhale and then exhale deeply while she closed her eyes.

“Do no disrespect me by using me as an excuse to let your anger out on Tobin.” Christen said with her jaw set. Kelley sighed again. Maybe Alex was right, she was easy to read. “I have never felt like you didn’t care about me as much as I feel like that now.”

“I care about you.” Kelley said quickly and fiercely.

“Then don’t do that again.” Christen ordered. “Because all that does is hurt _me._ ”

“I’m not trying to.” Kelley said a defeated tone.

“Then what are you trying to do?” Christen challenged. And Kelley had no answer for her. She had no idea what she was trying to do. “I’m here for you. I have been from the start. You and I have talked about it multiple times how you support Tobin and me, and I know you do…”

It was true. Kelley really did support Christen being in a relationship with the person she loved. Whenever they would walk to class and Christen would look down at her phone and then smile so big two seconds later, Kelley had found her own peace with the knowledge that it had been Tobin who had texted her. Kelley had spent many hours doing Christen’s hair, or painting her nails, or helping her pick an outfit before her date with Tobin, who had snuck off from the hotel nearby when UNC came to Cali to play. Kelley liked their pics together on Instagram (ones on Christen’s not Tobin’s), and had stayed up extra late just to talk about a fight that the two may have had over facetime. Kelley really did support them.

“I do support you and her...” Kelley said weakly.

“Then work on your anger with her, and don’t taint what we had by using it as a childish way to get back at her.” Christen said. Kelley dropped her head at that statement.

”I know why you’re angry with her, and Kelley, I love you too, so I’ve given both you and her respect by staying out of it.” Christen let out a sigh before she turned to go back into the shop.

“Christen.” Kelley called after her, but she stayed rooted in her spot. She was saying and doing all the wrong things and she wasn’t sure that she could fix her mistake right at this moment.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

“So from the inside of Starbucks, it looks like you got your ass chewed out.” Alex said simply. She had jogged out of the shop with the coffee in her hand to catch up to Kelley, who had chosen to not go back inside.

Kelley unconvincingly scoffed as she continued to walk with her hands in her pocket, and her defeated posture leading the way.

“I’m just saying.” Alex said as she sipped from her lukewarm coffee.

“Whatever, Tobin deserves it.” Kelley muttered.

“Does she?” Alex asked softly.

“Maybe?” Kelley said thoughtfully. She shrugged her shoulders as they continued to put some distance between themselves and the coffee place. “I don’t know.”

“As much as I can appreciate how good of a burn that was...” Alex gave her friend a pained expression. “That shit was a _tad_ distasteful. You gotta admit.”

Kelley was letting Christen’s words sink in and she could admit that there was no real reason for her to throw their history in the mix. It wasn’t an excuse, but the automatic anger she felt when seeing Tobin had been the reason behind her nastiness.

“Is it because you still got a thing for Christen?” Alex asked before she sipped from her coffee again.

Kelley sighed. “No.”

That surprised Alex. She felt relieved, too.

“Nah. It’s not about that, Al.” Kelley said after a moment of thought.

“It sure seems like it.” Alex offered with smirk. They continued to walk in silence, the Cal forward not really knowing where they were going, but trusting Kelley’s company enough to take them somewhere. She had gotten Tobin’s perspective on the situation, Christen’s, and now she wanted to know what was going on this dark and brooding mind of Kelley.

“Is it about what Tobin did after Hope had ran?” Alex asked quietly. She figured that she had successfully bullied her way into getting Kelley to open up, and that she may as well continue. She was glad to see Kelley not immediately deny her.

Kelley shrugged. _Yes._

“You guys really haven’t talked since then?” Alex asked.

“Nope.” Kelley said. “Why would I?”

“Because apparently, Hope has found a way to forgiven her.” Alex said with a gentle tone, wanting Kelley to be calm when she received the news. “Tobs told me when you and Christen were out there. She said that she had called Hope just recently. Hope had sent her a letter awhile back.”

Kelley wanted to shake away the irritation that was crawling up her neck again. She had almost forgotten the fact that others on this Earth have spoken to Hope. She was beginning to resent the fact that she had done nothing wrong two years ago, and the ones that had fucked up were forgiven, while she stood here repenting for their sins, dealing with the punishment.

“I mean, don’t you think that if Hope can forgive, that you can too? I mean it was her house the Tobin wrecked. Just a thought.” Alex added.

“Fuck off, Al. I don’t know what’s going on in Hope’s fucking head because she hasn’t spoken to me. And I don’t know what pipe she’s smoking from that’s making her high enough to forgive Tobin. She ruined everything Hope had left, she bashed her name when she was gone, she-she” Kelley was too angry to continue.

“Have you forgiven me?” Alex whispered. She stopped in her tracks and she waited for Kelley’s answer. The Stanford forward’s shoulders sank and she looked back at her. But she didn’t say anything. She was battling with the answer in her head.

Alex grew frustrated in that moment because it had seemed that all of the work she put in to repairing her friendship with Kelley had been undone. And now it was her time to be a child and compare relationships.

“How can you forgive Christen for her involvement with all of this, and not Tobin and I??”

And Kelley had the answer to that question, but she just couldn’t quite express it. She watched Alex walk past her in a frustrated fashion.

“You broke my heart.” Alex heard Kelley call out those words. She turned around and watched Kelley take the steps to catch up to her. “If there was anyone that I thought would look out for me in the end, it would have been you and Hope.”

“And when I had found out what you did, I just....” Kelley sighed. “It broke me in half. And then Hope came and told me goodbye, and I was left with myself. That was it.

“I figured that maybe it would be a good thing to get away from Georgia even if I couldn't go pro, because then I wouldn't have to think about you and her and what you did. But I haven't found a way to stop, and distance hasn't made a difference.” Kelley explained.

“And Christen was there. And she was honest about what she did, and how she was involved. And she was empathetic and loving and she was hurting too. But, she told me that she understood what I had with Hope. And she picked up the pieces of my broken fucking heart without me asking her to. ” Alex let Kelley's explanation sink in before she started walking again. She let the sound of their synchronized steps be her soundtrack as she thought over the truth in her friend's statements.

 

Alex wanted to know if she would ever be forgiven by the two people that she had ruined the lives of. But she didn't' ask, and instead continued to walk because was starting to realize where Kelley was taking them. Their silence was ladened with exhaustion from training and from the dramatics from the last hour. Kelley walked a step behind Alex and they each were consumed in their own thoughts, worlds away, but really only steps apart.

When they had reached Alex’s driveway, she had every intention of calling it a night. She really was exhausted. She figured Kelley would let it go as well since she only heard her own set of footsteps on her driveway.

Forgiveness hadn't been a high priority item in Kelley's life thus far. It was a healing process and Kelley knew that her mind wasn't set in actual healing. She had found peace with Christen who had helped her grow but mostly she had set out to prove. To prevail and conquer, but not to heal, not to forgive. Her season record of goals had served as her proof.

She stayed outside of Alex’s house for a long time soaking in how even though she had proved her ability to conquer anything she sought out, she still felt so very weak. And at the moment, very much alone. Eventually, she walked back to Pike place, questioning what could ever make her feel whole again.

 

~~

 

 

Ashlyn impatiently waited by the bed of her truck. Leo had said that he was going to be there in 5 minutes and according to her phone, he had texted her that 11 minutes ago. 

She was starting become frustrated with his lack of tact. This was a big deal and being late was not an option. She knew that he better have a good excuse.

She let her leg impatiently jiggle and she started to fiddle with her keys, the nervous energy starting manifest. 

“Ashlyn?”

She looked up.

“Hey Ash, it's me Al-”

“I know who you are.” Ashlyn said breathlessly. “How are you??”

Ali Krieger looked at her mom to give her a signal to give them a second before she handed her grocery bags to her.

They exchanged greetings and Ali went in for a hug that Ashlyn melted into. She listened to Ali talk about her excitement for college and how ready she was to leave high school. She soaked up how this girl was making her feel again, even after the years apart.

“It's a surprise seeing you here.” Ali said softly. “I hadn't really talked to you since you and Kelley graduated. How is she doing?”

“Yeah. It's been a wild life for Kelley.” Ashlyn said

“I can imagine.” Ali said sadly. “The soccer girls said that she’s been a superstar on her college team, though. So I'm thinking that all is good with her?”

Ashley chuckled because it couldn't have been the farthest from the truth. The whole school had heard about versions of the truth about Hope and Kelley and the keeper hadn't really kept up with what everyone was saying since she only had the time to care about her friend's. She stood there wondering for a second what Ali had heard about it all, but then realizing it didn't matter.

“She will be okay.” Ashlyn offered.

“I hope so.” Ali smiled. “But what about you? How are you?”

Leo chose that moment to show up. Ashlyn had seen him from the corner of her eyes, and she knew that life would always be ironic. He got out of the car and called her name and waved at her impatiently as if he was the one making them late.

“Hey, I gotta go.” Ashlyn said, clearly not wanting to leave this surprising encounter.

“Yeah. Sure.” Ali said quietly.

“I-”

“Harris let’s go!” Leo shouted.

“Can we catch up sometime before you leave for college?” Ashlyn asked quickly.

Ali nodded and a smile returned on her face. Something about this encounter with an old face felt like a new chapter in Ashlyn's life and she couldn't quite explain it.

She got Ali’s number before she dashed into Leo’s car and gave Ali a wave.

 

 

~~

 

 

“Didn't you sleep with her back in the day?” He asked. Ashlyn rolled her eyes.

“Do you know where you're going or do I have to navigate?”  Of course he refused to admit that he didn't know where he was going, so Ashlyn looked up the address in his phone and set up the route.

“Are you nervous?” Leo asked quietly as Jenny the side of his fingernails.

“Of course.” Ashlyn said as she tapped a text to Ali from her phone. “I'm texting Ali so that I don't have to think about this all.”

“And so you can get laid.” He said with a smirk.

They traveled 30 more miles out of the city before they talked again. The silence has served as something comforting but they were getting closer, and the restlessness was seeping in.

“You think we should have told Kelley or Christen?” Ashlyn asked.

Leo shook his head.

“I feel like Kelley is going to be pissed.”

“When is she not?” Leo countered.  “Look, we are doing the right thing.”

She believed him. They were. It had to be true. She felt her heart beat quickly when their navigation app announced that they had arrived at their destination. It was a little gas station placed in the middle of nowhere. She opted to stretch her legs and he followed suit. They bought chips and Slurpee’s and bet on how long it would be until Ashlyn screwed things up with Ali.

The two had grown closer the minute that he had jumped into her truck to go find Kelley on the day of that huge fallout. It made sense that it was these two that were sitting on the hood of his car, while they waited.

Leo had just opened his bag of Doritos when a blue, beat up truck came roaring into the parking lot. It was Leo’s car, the car that probably belonged to the cashier that had checked their items out, and this blue monster of a truck.

When it had parked right in front of them, First thing Ashlyn saw were these blue piercing eyes looking straight at her, paired with a warm smile.

“Solo!” Leo yelled. He didn't even contain his excitement. He pulled her into a hug and Hope Looked On with surprise at how much taller he was now.

“Shit dude.” Hope said breathlessly.

“I'm a hunk now, right?” Leo asked. She nodded her approval and they embraced one more time. All the while, Ashlyn stayed in her spot and marveled at this sight that she felt a little guilty for seeing. She hoped Kelley would forgive her for robbing her for the chance to be the first one to see Hope. 

“Hey, Ash.” Hope said gently.

“Uh-Hi.” Ashlyn hesitantly spoke. She hadn't kept contact with Hope the way that Leo had been privileged to since his family had been the one responsible of setting her up somewhere since they had distant relatives who had sought refuge in Mexico.

It was a little unreal to be seeing Hope Solo in the flesh. Time had seemed to treat her well.

“You okay?” Hope asked as Leo took her bag and put it in the back. Ashlyn felt a little surprised at how she had forgotten how warm Hope was. She had spent many days away from the woman and she had gotten so used to hearing the predatory narrative of Hope’s character, and she was again starting to feel so guilty. She had forgotten how good Coach Solo was.

“I'm good.” Ashlyn said.

“Cool.” Hope responded with a wink before she had offered to take the backseat.

“No. I'm tired of her.” Leo said before he got into the car.

“Sit in the front.” Ash said. “You're gonna be telling us all about these last two years, so you might as well be front and center.”

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

Kelley had waited for the sun to start setting before she had gathered up the courage to approach Alex. She had come back from her session with Syd, and found herself a little relieved to see the distant figure of Alex dribbling through some cones before letting the ball rip through the air and hit the back of the net in the upper left 90. When she got to Pike place, she gave Alex the space that their last conversation begged for.

She had spent the morning and afternoon without her former best friend and she had to admit that without her phone, her disillusioned connection to Hope, loneliness was a bitter pill to swallow. Syd was starting to catch on a little that she was a little ticked off about the fact that she didn't tell her about her phone call with Hope, and now more than ever Kelley was trying to search for someone who just let her bitch. She decided to end her weight session with Syd a little bit early.

“You're getting better.” Kelley said when Alex had wiped the sweat from her face and looked up at her.

“I know.” Alex said. It wasn't meant as a joke, nor as a defensive retort. If was just fact and Kelley seemed to understand. She continued to shoot some balls, all while Kelley decided to juggle a loose ball. On her 15th tap with her foot, Alex kicked the ball before it could find Kelley’s foot again.

Kelley looked up to see Alex fiercely staring back at her.

“Are you ever going to forgive me?” Alex asked.

“Are you just going to keep asking me until I do?” Kelley retorted.

“No.” Alex said simply. “Summer is going to end, and you may or may not get a phone, but I'm not going to keep calling someone who doesn't want to answer.” Those words stung. They hit home. How had Alex reached that answer so quickly.

“You know how I feel about you and about what happened, and you know why I'm training here instead of the many other fields in Peachtree.” Alex said strongly.

Kelley felt a little defeated. Her problems and her skeletons were crawling out of the closet one by one.

“You might as well just tell me that that night months ago was a mistake.” Alex shrugged.

“You were drunk.” Kelley said with a shrug. It wasn't that she was indifferent, it was just that she wanted to shrug off the nervousness creeping up on her. She knew this conversation would eventually be brought up again.

“I was. But I meant it.” Alex said with a seriousness that probably only coated her face when she was set to kick a penalty kick. She closed down the space that was Kelley's personal bubble.

“Al.” Kelley was warning her to not try anything.

“Tell me that you didn't like it.” Alex said as she put both of her hands on Kelley hips. She could feel her friend’s body tighten.

And as Kelley shook her head, she just really didn't want to think about how badly she wanted it. It was so random seeing Alex in that winter break and she had gotten used to finding comfort in only Christen, and having Alex in a position for her to take had been an experience she wasn't ready for. Neither was this moment.

“Alex, I can't. I can't do this.” Kelley said with defeat.

“Okay.” Alex said like she was trying to prepare herself mentally. She had been rejected and now she was formulating in her head what to do next. This was not something she had ever really dealt with when it came to relationships.

“I just can't have this conversation.” Kelley clarified.

“Why not, O’Hara?” Alex asked with a shrug. “I'm right here. In front of you. I'm asking you if you felt something that night. If you didn't, then it won't be the end of the world.”

Kelley didn't know what to do with the simplicity presented in front of her. Alex was pushing her limits, but at the same time making it very clear that if danger was ahead that she would stop. 

“Jesus Christ, Kell. I'm not looking for a-a psychoanalysis of the craziness of what's up here.” Alex said as she tapped Kelley's forehead. “I'm just asking a yes or no question if you felt something that night.”

Kelley could feel the heat of Alex’s hands on her body and she just nodded.

“You're nodding because you felt something?” Alex asked in search for clarification. Kelley nodded again.

“Okay.” Alex said with a nod. Now she was preparing herself for what to do next, because it wasn’t a rejection after all.

“Listen, I-it’s-I just- I don’t- It has been-” Kelley stammered her way through the conversation.

Alex sighed. “Can I just kiss you?”

Kelley gulped.

“I won’t do anything that you don’t want me to. So you have 3 seconds to stop me before I…”

Alex was moving in closer, and Kelley found her life flash before her eyes because she didn't know if this was danger.

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

“So if you’re all good with the law, why didn’t you just take a flight to Seattle?” Ashlyn asked curiously.

“Ah. I just didn’t want to run the risk of running into anyone at the airport. I mean, the school just dropped it, but I didn't want to stir up anything. Plus you know, I just have a few things that I gotta pick up. It’ll be nice to see my old stuff.” Hope said softly.

“Why didn’t you tell Kelley?” Ashlyn asked as she looked down at her nails.

“Made a lot of mistakes, kid.” Hope said with a shrug. “I don’t want to make another one by imposing myself again.”

“You think it’s a mistake?” Leo asked thoughtfully as he stared down the road. “She misses you.”

“This is-” Hope had looked weathered down by her thoughts, and Ashlyn could tell that the woman had probably spent nights up thinking about this. You could see it in the way Hope’s eyes diverted back and forth with purpose and her hands and arms knew just how to express the words coming out of her mouth. “This is time in her life, when it’s all about her. And it should be.”

“What if she’s made her life all about you?” Ashlyn asked sadly.

The woman clenched her fist tightly and pulled back a little as she gave a tiny playful punch to the dashboard and painfully admitted, “Then it would be a mistake.” The keeper could see the way Hope’s body shook and then abruptly stopped 2 seconds later.

“Que curaria.” Leo said sadly.

“It shouldn’t.” Hope said strongly. The different language went over Ashlyn’s head, but regardless she had gotten the gist of Hope’s stance on all things Kelley.

“So are you- what is happening? What’s the plan now for you?” the Keeper asked the woman.

“Make a trip out to Seattle for the reason we talked about, then to Cary, and then I have a meeting with…” Hope sighed because this wasn’t exactly a meeting she was looking forward to. The two college kids looked at her in question. “With a favorite person of mine.”

The woman said it with a tone that made them not question her further.

“Are you going to see Coach Lloyd?” Leo asked darkly and he shivered. It was a person that the two kids in the car had grown accustomed to treating like Lord Voldemort.

“Nah, man.” Hope said sadly. The woman looked out the window. “I’m only seeing people who want to see me.”

 

 

~~

 

 

Sydney wasn’t kidding when she said that Kelley had been taking good care of the place. She sat in the passenger side of Leo’s car for a good, silent 30 seconds while she looked at her old place through the windshield.

The little house was the same, and the river level was bubbling. It was functioning like she had never left and nothing in Mexico was like this little space of hers. She remembered the time in her life when she resented being in Georgia because she felt like she had something bigger in her life plans, but looking at her old slice of land, she couldn’t disagree more.

“Can you guys give me a few minutes?” Hope asked as she pointed to the house.

The two kids nodded and she slowly took a few steps to her house. She ruffled out her original key from her back pocket and took a deep breath when she unlocked the door.

It was the same. Small and simple and served the purpose of letting someone sleep on this beautiful piece of land. She let her fingers run on her old belongings, ones that her eyes hadn’t set sight on since the night she had hopped in a car with Leo’s uncle, and put her life on the hands of this man whom she had never met before. Hope smiled at the fact that her favorite type of coffee was sitting in the same spot that she had left it. It was clearly a newer bag, but she found it charming that Kelley had been using it.

After a few more minutes of just looking, her eyes feasting, on her old life, she found an old suitcase to put most of her clothes that were in the small closet. She thought that maybe she had left behind more clothes, but she didn’t think much about it. She knew that Ashlyn and Leo were waiting in the car, and she still had to make the trip out to her house in the suburbs.

She laid the suitcase on the bed so that she could get better leverage to zip it close. And after she had worked her way through it, she noticed the unmade bed and strewn about blanket. Sydney had texted her telling her that Kelley was still at their workouts a half an hour ago, so it didn’t make sense that the blanket was still warm from someone’s touch.

Hope’s eyes widened.

_Kelley’s here._

She held it close, and she didn’t quite care how desperate her heart ached at the scent of Kelley’s clothes on the blanket. She didn’t want to be an imposition on Kelley’s life and she didn’t want to scare her into some emotional roller coaster that a 20 year old shouldn’t have been ready for, but holding this blanket and realizing Kelley was so near was making her legs ache and her ears hot.

She slowly walked to the back door of the house, because she figured that the girl would be somewhere and she stepped out to find her. Very much against her initial feelings, Hope was absolutely ready to throw it all into the wind and make a mistake again. If it was for Kelley, she would.

_Two years have been enough time, Hope._

And her heart beat rapidly when she saw Kelley on the farther side of this beautiful field that had no doubtedly been taken care of by the girl.

This place had flawlessly functioned in her absence and when she stepped on the property, her first steps in Peachtree, she felt the comfort that things were still the same. But when she stepped on to the field, she saw the one person that she _knew_ would never be the same the night she left.

She looked on at Alex Morgan kissing Kelley like someone who deserved to do so.

_Let me down gently._

Hope felt a little tear come out of her right eye and she tried to soothe the ache in her chest with the knowledge that Kelley deserved to be happy. Seeing Hope should not have been a cure for the girl, and the woman knew all of this. Now wasn’t the time. Kelley deserved to be happy right now and to find happiness with someone that had meant so much to her when she was younger.

It was gentle. It was a soft blow, and Hope knew that at some point she would have to look away. The number of candles on her birthday cake, and the years on her aching shoulder had prepared her for this. And when she finally did look away, she could see Ashlyn walking up to find her.

“Hey, Hope, just seeing if you were all good.” Ash said quietly.

“I’m good, Ash.” Hope said with a small smile as she rubbed at her chest and took a deep breath.

“You sure? You don’t seem like it. “Ashlyn said as she put a comforting hand on the woman’s shoulder. Hope gave her a reassuring nod.

“Yeah, kiddo, I’m gonna grab my suitcase and then we can head to my other place?”

Ashlyn nodded and she watched Hope go back in the house. The keeper had felt kind of guilty because she was starting to realize that maybe Hope was a nostalgic moment and she had so rudely interrupted it. Ashlyn took a few steps further to get a good look at this infamous place.

And then she stopped in her tracks when she realized that Alex and Kelley were kissing 80 yards away. Ashlyn felt the air leave her body at the realization that this was the first time that Hope had seen Kelley.

Her anger rose and she didn’t know who to direct it to.

 

 

~~

 

 

“I don’t have a problem with the fact that you’re friends with her.” Tobin said as she planted a kiss into crazy mane that was Christen’s curly hair.

“Which you shouldn’t.” Christen added.

“Which I shouldn’t,” Tobin agreed. “I just have a problem with her.”

They both looked at each other while they tried to nonverbally process through this ‘argument’ again, like only really close couples usually did.

“You know that this is between you two.” Christen whispered.

“I know.” Tobin whispered back. She watched Christen cut these vegetables that Sydney had suggested that they incorporate into their diet and she felt a wave of domesticity wave in her body. She liked this feeling.

“You should text Alex and see if we can hang out with them again. When Kelley is prepared.” Christen added.

Tobin didn’t like the thought because she was starting to resent the fact that it had been a one-sided attempt for this friendship to survive, and she just wanted to stop out of exhaustion. But she just rolled her eyes and then hopped off the counter to find her phone. Christen was going to keep suggesting it until she did it.

“Babe, have you seen my phone?” Tobin yelled when she had made her way to the living room couch, where it usually was.

She chuckled when Christen muttered at her about some nonsense about her being bad at keeping track of things. She stopped in her tracks when she realized that she had left it in the jeep. Tobin grabbed her keys which were by Christen before she gave her girlfriend a kiss, and headed out the door.

As suspected, it was wedged in between the console and the front seat and Tobin had to admit that her girlfriend was right about her ability to keep her possessions. When she closed her door, she looked over and realized that Coach Solo’s driveway was occupied by a car that looked a lot like Leo’s, its engine still running.

She furrowed her eyebrows at the sight.

Then she saw Hope Solo walk out of the front door. The infamous Hope Solo in the flesh. The woman whose forgiveness she had sought out for a very long time. The woman that she had finally worked up the courage to call just a few days ago. The voice that she had just heard a few days ago. Forgiveness had been granted in that letter, but hearing it on the phone was something else.

_What the shit is this?_

Tobin stared on with a wide open mouth.

Hope noticed her. Tobin saw the way Hope’s face broke out into a small smile.

“Sup, Tobs.” Hope said. Tobin felt her legs move forward, her upper body just following. She was automatically drawn to this enigmatic figure.

“What are you doing here?” Tobin asked in disbelief. She saw the window of the car roll down.

“Sup Tobs!” Leo called out. “Hope’s-”

“I’m not talking to you.” Tobin cut in. Leo rolled his eyes, while Ashlyn chuckled from the back seat.

“She never liked me.” Leo said with a playful shake of his head.

“Don’t take it personally man. She didn’t like any dude.” Ashlyn offered. He nodded, and found satisfaction in that explanation.

Hope chuckled. “I’m just picking up a few things before I head to Seattle.”

Tobin shook her head of the disbelief that Hope was standing right in front of her. In the same exact spot that she last saw her. Thoughts of the last time she saw Hope came rushing back. It was the day that Tobin had found out about her and Kelley’s relationship.

“You okay, Tobs?” Hope asked gently.

Tobin refocused her stare on Hope and saw the softness in her expression. She looked up at the sky and up at God, and felt her body relax.

Forgiveness reigned on Hope’s smile, and now Tobin knew with her own eyes. She was okay. She was forgiven.

“Yeah, Coach.” Tobin said softly.

Hope’s head titled to the side at the fact that Tobin had called her ‘coach’, before she asked softly, “Do you still hate me, Tobin Heath?”

 

 

 

~~

 

 

Kelley was wide awake as she looked down at Alex’s body next to hers. She had to admit that the sight of Alex in her Stanford shirt with an unkempt bun and mouth that was for sure responsible for the pool of drool on her pillow was starting to sink into the comforting familiarity of her routine. Alex’s perfect skin was reflecting the morning sun, and she felt at peace. The fear of danger evaporated.

And this peace was starting to turn her into someone good. It was the fifth night that Kelley had opted to not tell Alex to go home. Every time she leaned on the door frame with a cup of tea in her hand as she watched Alex bring the bag of balls onto the porch of the back door she felt herself unwind little more.

She didn’t want to think about the fact that summer was close to ending and that she had spent a low key summer trying to battle through the fact that she killed the habit of reaching out to Hope. Or anyone else for that matter. Kelley didn’t want to think about the fact that Alex had slept in her bed like old times, and that a little sadness was starting creep up her spine at the thought of going back to California. So she took it day by day, and whenever she passed by the river, she found it a little easier knowing that her phone was down their somewhere. She couldn’t control it now, Alex taught her.

They hadn’t done much of anything past kissing, but they both knew that there was an intimacy between them that was chemical and commonplace. The first time that Alex had spent the night at Pike Place felt a little weird for the two seconds that they had realized that Alex would not be able to make the walk back to her house in the dark. But as soon as Alex had taken her side of the bed, and she pulled Kelley’s arm around her before her lights were out, it felt like one of the most natural thing to do for the Stanford girl.

“Are you watching me sleep?” Alex muttered before she turned over and then gave Kelley a playfully alarmed looked.

“Maybe.” Kelley whispered.

“Better watch out.” Alex warned as she picked up her sleepy body from the bed. “Or you might start falling in love with me.” She joked. “And my morning breath.”

Kelley felt that lurch in her stomach again. She wordlessly watched Alex head to the bathroom where she would for sure grab Kelley’s own toothbrush and use it. She laid back down and looked up at the ceiling, letting the sensation in her stomach settle.

There was a knock at the door.

There was never a knock on the door. Kelley’s head popped up and she saw Alex stick her head out and give Kelley a questioning look. She got up out of the bed, realized that she didn’t have any pants on, grabbed a pair, and then made sure they were on securely when she apprehensively opened the door.

The person on the other side of the door blew her mind.

“Sup dude.” Megan Rapinoe said with a smirk. “I like your shirt.” The soccer star said as she looked down at the Seattle Reign shirt that Kelley almost always wore.

It was fair to say that Kelley was a little star struck and so her mouth didn’t really form words as it opened and closed.

“I could have sworn that you spoke English.” Megan said as she pulled a piece of paper and looked at some notes. “My notes say you do.”

Kelley looked all around and made sure that she wasn’t hallucinating.

“Fuu…Megan Rapinoe.” Kelley managed to get out.

“That is me.” The blonde said with a smirk. “And you’re Kelley O’Hara.” She said with a questioning nod.

“Y-yeah. Yes.” Kelley said.

“I ask, cuz it seems like you’re not too sure.” The soccer star chuckled.

“I’m sorry.” Kelley shook her head. She needed to get it together. “I just- it’s a little. Hi. Yes, I’m Kelley.” She wanted to kill herself for that response.

“Nice to meet you, Kelley.” Rapinoe said as she held out her hand for Kelley to shake. She had pulled it together enough to shake it like a regular human being.

“I’m sorry. It’s just a little insane when you’re childhood hero ends up on your doorstep.” Kelley explained. “H-how. What can I do for you?”

Rapinoe nodded, satisfied with Kelley’s explanation. “I’m just here to talk to you about Seattle’s interest in you for the 2018 draft.”

Kelley’s blood rushed to her head. She felt dizzy. Alex appeared by her side.

“SHUTUP.” Alex said, her mouth filled with toothpaste.

“Oh. Hi.” Rapinoe said pleasantly, she smiled at this other girl that looked very familiar to her, but the lack of shorts was throwing her off.

“I’m-I’m-I’m-I’m-I’m-I’m-I’m-I’m a little. I’m confused. I think YOU”RE confused.” Kelley said.

“I’m starting to be.” Rapinoe said when she looked at the sight of the two.

“How- uh how did you find me? Who- are you sure you’re looking for me, Kelley O’Hara?”

The blonde soccer star chuckled. She was starting to realize that when Kelley reached her 100th for the national team, that this most definitely would be the story she would tell the world. She relished at the thought and found Kelley’s youth absolutely adorable.

“I’m sure I’m looking for you. Stanford forward. Just a kid from Peachtree City.” Rapinoe said with a smirk. She didn’t need to look at the notes to know this.

“How- how’d you know where to find me? Sorry I don’t have my phone anym-”

“It’s all good, kid.” Rapinoe soothed.

“Hope Solo told me where to find you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wretchedthorium.tumblr.com


	25. So Don't Go Away that Easily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is a commitment and if you're not ready, then maybe you should stop reading...But I hope you stay.
> 
> Grammer...editing....maybe

“Where’s my shirt?” Alex said as she looked all around the little space. She looked under the bed, under the pillow, she even looked at the growing pile of dirty clothes in the basket in the bathroom. She frustratingly called out her question again, hoping that it would get Kelley to get up from her position in the bed, while she scoured the rest of the place in search of the garment. 

Kelley just watched. She found it a little funny that her former best friend had always managed to lose things at Pike Place even though the house was the smallest that Kelley has ever seen. Alex playfully ruffled her hair in order to get her to help, but Kelley was stuck in her thoughts. This was a different kind of relationship that she was having with the girl. It was such a strange thing to exist around Alex Morgan. She had seen the girl walk around with just a bra on before, but now it was different because she knew what Alex’s mouth tasted like. It was making Kelley feel bothered and comforted at the same time. 

The first time that Alex had nervously reached for the button of Kelley’s denim shorts, she froze because of her inability to process the several emotions coursing through her brain and the physical ache she felt inside of those shorts. 

“Uh-Am I…” Alex looked so unsure for the first time in a long time, and Kelley stared at her like an idiot. It took her a good 10 seconds before she stammered out, “I- I j-just, I don’t know if you’re ready or…I don’t know...” 

“You don’t know if you are?” Alex asked softly. 

Kelley sighed.  

“If you’re not, that’s understandable, little one.” Alex whispered as she sat on Kelley’s lap and fidgeted with the belt loops on Kelley’s shorts. Kelley gulped. There was something about having Alex Morgan so ready and so willing on your lap. It bothered Kelley in the physical ways. She wanted it so bad and her body was starting to miss someone,  _anyone,_ to give her a loving touch or just a platonic hug, because then at least she would know she wasn’t alone. It was something that she mentally denied, but the nerves in her body were starved and desperate to say the least. 

But this was Alex. Her best friend. The girl she held at night during her pivotal years. She knew the curve of Alex’s back, she knew the scent she left behind on bed sheets, and she knew what meal she wanted to be served in the morning. This wasn’t a short order to fill. This was someone that she had loved and someone who had her heart. And it may have been in a different capacity, but once you had Kelley O’Hara’s heart, she would never ask for it back. And she didn’t want to ever take Alex’s clothes in an inconsequential way that would hollow out what used to be a very beautiful friendship. Because Alex meant something to her. 

“Have you done this with a girl before?” Kelley asked through heavy breaths. The nervous energy was coursing through the both of them, and the way Alex’s fingers shook made Kelley wonder if this was as big of a moment for Alex as she thought it was for the both of them. 

Alex shook her head while she kept her eyes down. Kelley felt a little more at ease. Because they were on the same playing field and for Kelley, it kind of felt like a first time, too. Sure she had sex with Christen, but crossing this line with Alex was a very different ball game. And of course, Hope was a different category. 

“I don’t know if…I don’t. Al. I don’t know if I’m ready yet. And, I don’t want to -” Kelley paused to make sure that she articulated her thoughts correctly, “I don’t want to start something without making sure both of us are ready.” 

Kelley she looked down at Alex’s hands that were still messing with her shorts. She grabbed them gracefully, and she found her heart warm a little in her chest when Alex gave her a small smile before bringing her into a hug. And that was the comfort she would always find with Alex. That familiar scent and that familiar pair of arms wrapping around her neck could warm the old Kelley temporarily back to life like a wood fire. 

 “Can I borrow a shirt?” Alex said with a guilty grin. Kelley didn’t fight it much since more times than not the Cal forward had ventured home in a Stanford t-shirt that she would frown at, but secretly just loved. It was a subtle kind of nice to see someone wear Kelley so possessively. She just chuckled and nodded at Alex. Plus, Kelley couldn’t recall why her closet had shrunk in size the other day and she vowed to do some laundry and round it all up.  

She had finally walked with Alex to buy her her own toothbrush, and Kelley was satisfied to see the two standing tall in the cup when she got up out of the bed to brush her teeth. She did her morning routine and she thought about how she was going to handle her situation with Syd and their training sessions, when she turned around with toothpaste and toothbrush in her mouth to see Alex in one of Hope’s old Barcelona shirts. 

Kelley almost gagged. 

“You okay, Cap?” Alex smirked before she proceeded to continue putting on more clothes. Really, she had no one else to blame. She had raided both of Hope’s closets and the clothes they still contained after she had ran, and consolidated into her own wardrobe. It was bound to happen that Alex would pick up one of Hope’s old shirts with how much time they spent together. 

Kelley cleared her throat after she had washed her mouth of toothpaste, but she didn’t say anything before Alex gave her a kiss goodbye and she left in her mom’s van. Kelley didn’t want to think about how good Alex looked in that old jersey. 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

“Hey. Paul’s not going to be in town so you for sure have to change the oil filter on the car.” Syd said as she wiped the sweat off her brow.  

“Are you okay?” Sydney asked when Kelley had put up the weights in silence. The trainer was standing in her spot with her body turned away from the girl in a guarded fashion, and everything about Syd’s posture told Kelley that Sydney was waiting for Kelley to have this conversation. And for a second, Kelley felt like being childish and holding out on her. 

She mulled it over and didn’t respond for a little bit because she just wanted Sydney to just tell her the truth. She didn’t lie to her because technically Kelley had never asked, but it just felt wrong in her mind that as close as they have gotten, that the trainer would have failed to tell her. 

“What do you want to say to me?” Syd asked as her eyes went soft and understanding flowed between them. 

“Do I need to say it, or do you already know how I feel about you right now?” Kelley asked with a shrug. She put up the yoga mats that she used for her abwork and she just waited for Sydney to respond. 

“Do you think that you’re misplacing your anger?” Syd asked softly. 

“That’s quite the opposite of what I’m thinking.” Kelley quickly retorted. She could feel her anger rising.  _What kind of question is that? My anger is mine, and my anger is just._  

“What do you want from me, kid?” Syd asked with a sigh.  

“For you to not betray me.” Kelley said with a face that mirrored how exasperated she felt. “When were you planning on telling me that you’ve been talking to Hope?” 

The silence emitted between the two of them felt heavy and Sydney knew that she would have to answer for her actions. But from someone younger and someone very angry, she didn’t know if she should feel defensive or just guilty. It was a weird mixture and she was starting to blame Hope Solo for putting her in this position. 

“Eventually.” Syd said with a shrug. It wasn’t much of a remorseful admission. It was just a fact that she thought about eventually telling her. She didn’t know how to bring it up or when to do so.  

“Fucking eventually?” Kelley asked for clarification. 

“She didn’t want me to-“ 

“THAT’S NOT HER FUCKING DECISION TO MAKE!” Kelley yelled. And it felt like Kelley was harboring this through for awhile. Forgiveness had been granted to everyone and now it seemed like everyone was coasting along with their happiness, and Kelley had been given the silent treatment.  

“I didn’t do anything wrong.” Kelley whispered.  

“No one said you did.” 

“Then why am I being punished?” Kelley asked in a soft and defeated tone. She was so close to really walking out and vowing to not see the trainer for awhile. Since it was the end of the summer, it would be a much needed time away from her friend. “Tell me why Hope can apparently talk to Tobin, but she can’t seem to pick up the phone and talk to me??” 

Sydney sighed. “She was never going to be in town for more than a few hours, and I don’t think she wanted to put you through knowing that she didn’t have time to see you.” 

_In town…_  

_Few hours…_  

_Didn’t have time to see you…_  

Sydney’s eyes widened at her choice of words and the revelation she just let slip. She watched the door bang shut from Kelley’s furious swing. Sydney reached for her phone, hoping that the only person that could fix this would answer her phone.  

 

 

~~ 

 

 

“Why the sudden change of heart?” Alex asked curiously. “And why does it seem like it would be really appropriate if steam were coming out of your ears right now?” She chuckled.  

Kelley ripped the box to her new phone before she starred at an amused Alex who was sitting on the counter, stepping back from Kelley’s craziness. “Calm down.” The Stanford girl’s nostrils were flared and her veins bulging and Alex was pretty sure that the girl was coming down from her anger high from whatever happened with her and Sydney.  

“Will my stuff load back onto here?” Kelley asked through clenched teeth.  

Alex nodded while she furrowed her eyebrows at Kelley’s rabid behavior. 

“Can you please calm down?” Alex asked softly. She could feel Kelley’s arms shaking and she was starting to gather that this must have been a fight about Hope. She watched as the girl continued to rip apart the packaging and then furiously rip back the pages of the instruction manual to see if it could tell her how to back everything up. 

“Are you serious? It’s an iPhone. It literally-” Alex rolled her eyes before she grabbed the phone and then went through the screen options herself so that Kelley would stop attacking the screen with her furious thumbs. 

“I can’t believe Syd….” Kelley muttered. She busied her hands by ruffling it through her bun and she paced back and forth while Alex set up her phone.  

“She was probably doing it to so that you wouldn’t freak out about Hope.” Alex said when she met Kelley’s stare. 

“Who said I would have freaked out?” Kelley said as she stopped in her tracks and searched Alex’s face. 

“History said you would have.” Alex pushed back. She put Kelley’s phone down. “It has to load your old settings, so you have to give it time.” She explained. 

 Kelley relaxed a little when she saw the loading bar on the screen. She let body unwind. Really she didn’t know what could explain the change of heart, but she did know that Sydney had pushed her over the edge and now shaking. She didn’t really remember much in between.  

“Hey.” Alex grabbed her hand. She swept the fly aways from Kelley’s face and waited for the shakes to stop and the blood to drain away from her face at a healthy rate. “You’re gonna be okay. You’re alive.” She soothed. Kelley tried to focus in on the sensation of Alex’s hands on her owns as she stood in the middle of Pike Place’s kitchen and tried to slow her heart rate.  

“I think it’s a good thing to get your phone back.” Alex said with a small smile.  

“Y-you do?” Kelley asked a little hesitantly. She hadn’t really come to terms with why she had bought the new phone, but the thought was starting to spread in her mind.  

“It’s good.” Alex said with a shrug. “Now you won’t miss anything if any important people like Megan Freakin Rapinoe contact you.” 

It had been a week since the super star had knocked on her door, and they still had yet to have a deep talk about it. When Alex had offered to give them some privacy, she was a little surprised to find Kelley holding onto the back of her shirt to keep her tethered to her spot. She had stayed and listened to all Rapinoe had to say while Kelley looked on with star struck eyes and an overwhelmed expression. Alex remembered the main points of the discussion: their draft pick spot looked ripe to pick a first or second draft, and they were planning on heavily convincing Kelley to forego the latter half of her college career.  

“Now it’s really just what your plans are, kiddo. If you plan on finishing school, then you gotta tell me.” Pinoe said. “Well I guess you don’t have to tell me, but it would help me out a lot.” 

Alex had to talk for Kelley and explain to Pinoe that the Stanford forward always had an interest of going pro, and then they proceeded to talk about what it would mean for Kelley if she joined Seattle.  

The hour and a half discussion was filled with Pinoe cracking jokes and Kelley way too excited to really be a functioning other half of a conversation.  

“Maybe you’ll be a little more prepared when pros come knocking at your door.” Alex cracked a joke to lighten the mood.  

“You’re…right.” Kelley said slowly.  

“Plus I’m sure your coach and teammates have been trying to reach out to you, and your friends, and…” Alex trailed off.  

“School is about to start. Time for the real world.” Alex decided to add.   

 

 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

 

"Did you know that Alex and Kelley were a thing?" Ashlyn asked pointedly.  

"Uhh..." Christen looked on a little confused. "I mean, I didn't know that they were a thing officially but..." 

The keeper stood in the living room as she watched Tobin and Christen pack their things into little storage boxes that were probably going to packed into Tobin's jeep since she had chosen to drive all the way home. 

"Well they're official." Ashlyn said with an eye roll. 

"Okay. So they're together. What's the big deal?" Christen asked as she put one of Tobin's snapbacks into the box. 

"Are you shitting me?!?!" The keeper looked at Tobin. 

"I uh...I haven't told her." Tobin said as she scratched the back of her head nervously. 

"Haven’t told me WHAT?" Christen said with clenched teeth, suddenly. The UNC midfielder chuckled nervously. She started backing away from the room and Christen's scary look. 

"What has she not told me, Ash?" Christen sighed. 

 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

 

"There's no point in waiting for it to load, it's gonna take forever.” Kelley said as they walked the streets of Peachtree. She was seemingly calmer and Alex tried to find comfort in the way Kelley was holding onto her hand tighter. 

"Kell...” Alex listened to their shoes scrape the asphalt and the cicadas yell into the night while she tried to not think about the fact that summer was ending. 

"Yeah?" Kelley whispered back. 

She didn't really know what to say. She didn't want to bring up the fact that she knew Kelley's strange behavior would always be the result of something about Hope, and she was debating on whether or not it was a good time to bring the subject up. After Kelley had calmed down a little, it seemed kind of like a treasure to have Kelley alone in this beautiful dark knight that gave the illusion that all was right in the world. 

"Nothing." She said. 

When they had reached Alex's door, she was a little surprised to see that Kelley was making no move to leave. She felt even more surprised at the sensation of Kelley's strong arm wrapping around her and bringing her in for a sensual kiss. 

"That was-."  

"Amazing." Kelley whispered. Alex watched Kelley dip her head lower. 

 "I'm sorry." Kelley continued. "I got into this fight with Syd about Hope." 

Alex gripped onto Kelley's biceps a little stronger so that Kelley would hold her tighter. 

"I know that we haven’t' really talked about my...situation...about Hope and all of that. And I don't know if it's something that you do or don't- I mean I would get it if you didn't want to- I just figured that I would open it up to you if it's something-" Kelley stammered while Alex smiled a little. 

"Do you want to come in?" Alex whispered. "We can talk about it over a beer or two that I'm most definitely going to steal from my dad's stash." 

Kelley chuckled. She was a little relieved that Alex wasn't running away from the topic. Because it wasn't like they were together, but it just seemed like something they should probably talk about. She let Alex's hand pull her inside of the home that she spent her high school years in. 

"I don't really drink." Kelley said as she watched Alex pop the cap off a glass bottle of beer. 

"We're about to talk about the woman who defiled you as a teenager, ran outta the country from the law for said defiling, disappeared into the depths of Mexico, and is the reason that you and I didn't talk for years." 

Kelley looked on with an open mouth. 

"Are you sure you don't want a beer?" Alex said before she popped off the cap of a second beer. 

 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

 

Tobin looked down at her feet through the water. 

"Dude. This pool hasn't been cleaned out for like a month." Leo said with a disgusted expression. 

"Whatever, I'm sure that it's cleaner than a lot of lakes." Tobin said as she lazily waved him off. This is how they usually caught up. Tobin would drop by Hope's house to clean her pool or do some maintenance, and when Tobin was nearby, they would usually gossip and catch up. Once Leo made sure that Kelley wasn't around, that is. 

"So uh...” Leo reached around to make sure that his net caught that big clump of leaves, "Ash tells me you're in the shithouse with Christen." He said with a smirk. 

"I've never been more annoyed of that bro-ship." Tobin said with an eye roll. "Plus, it literally just happened. Ashlyn is still in the house talking to her." 

"Which is the only reason you're out here talking to me." He said, playfully shaking his head. "I knew you never liked me." 

"I didn't like any guy." She said with a smirk. "But it's not the ONLY reason." 

He looked at her questioningly. 

"When were you planning on telling me that Hope was in town?"  

"I wasn't." Tobin kicked some water at him. 

"Fucker. Why not??" She pushed. 

"She told me not to." He said like it was the most obvious thing. 

"Not to tell me, specifically?" Tobin was a little confused. 

"No, idiot. Just to not tell in general. She didn't want it getting back to Kelley." He explained. 

That fact just puzzled Tobin quite a bit. It was actually something that had been nagging at her since she saw Hope. When she stood and looked at her from her spot on Christen's driveway, she was almost 100% sure, she was about to bet her life on it, that Kelley was in the car. She found it a little baffling that it was Leo and Ashlyn. 

"Dude...why not?" Tobin asked quietly. "Why is she avoiding Kelley?" 

Leo leaned on his leaf catcher before he thought on it. "I don't know. I guess it's because she's just not ready to be with Kelley?" 

"Did she say that?" Tobin questioned. 

"No!" Leo said quickly. "It's just what I think. It's probably that she doesn’t want a relationship with Kelley or that she's just not ready." 

"What makes you think that she doesn’t want a relationship with her?" Tobin asked with a furrowed brow. 

"Nothing! Geez, you just asked me, and I gave you an opinion on how I would probably feel." Leo said with a shrug. 

"Fine, shithead." Tobin kicked more water at him. "Why would you feel that way?" 

Leo sighed. "It's true that all you lesbians want to do is talk..." 

Tobin glared at him. 

"I don't know dude...It's been two years, I mean I'm sure Hope hasn't exactly been pure the whole time...And she's a woman and Kell’s a..." 

"She's a woman, technically." Tobin added. 

"Whatever. I’m just saying that it's been awhile. And from what Ash told me, Hope saw Kelley and Alex sucking face and I'm sure that kind of sealed the deal for Hope, who's like thirty. So she might as well move on with her life." Leo shrugged again. Like he didn't just devastatingly explain Kelley's sorrow like it was a simple math problem. 

"Wait, Hope saw Kelley and Alex...my head's about to explode." Tobin said as she shook her head.  Leo let her sit in her thoughts while he continued to clean the pool.

"Do you know what Hope was-is-I don't know if she's still there-what she's doing in Cary?" Leo asked after a few silent moments.

"Should I?" Tobin asked curiously. 

"Well...I know she's talking to Anson so I figured you would have some inkling..." 

 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

"I know you're still in love with her." Alex whispered as she wiped the beer from her lips and let the water run off of her feet that were gently splashing the surface of her pool. 

"I – I. I still do." Kelley admitted. Painfully. 

"No one blames you, little one." Alex said softly with a little smile. She looked into Kelley's eyes which reflected the warm lawn lights that served as a useful decoration for the many barbeques and parties that the Morgan's hosted. Alex loved the way the warmed Kelley's eyes. 

"I don't know what that means for...this." Kelley said as she took another big gulp from the neck of the bottle. "It's confusing, and it's wonderful..." 

Alex smiled at that. 

"And I just don't want to hide anything from you." Kelley whispered. "I got into this big fight with Sydney because she didn't tell me about the fact that she's talking to Hope. And when I'm not with you, I still think about everything that happened." Kelley was speaking at a blazing rate, "And it hurts, Al. I don't know if I should feel guilty for it hurting, because of whatever this is, but it hurts. But so is the thought of this summer ending, and I never thought that I would want to spend a summer away from playing and competing and-" 

"I get it." Alex soothed. She grabbed Kelley's hand and planted a sweet kiss on her lips. 

"I find that weirdly calming." Kelley said breathlessly. 

"Good." Alex took another swig. "I don't know what this is either, Cap. I'm not asking you to marry me. And I'm not expecting you to have suddenly forgotten about Hope Solo. Hence the beers." She chuckled. 

"I  _know_ how much she meant to you." Alex said quietly. She squeezed Kelley's hand tightly. "I'm not asking you to forget about her, and I'm not asking you to forgive her, either." 

Kelley raised an eyebrow in question. 

"I know that you're mad at her for not talking to you, and I know that you bought this new phone so that you could finally either A) call her and bitch her out on voicemail or B) leave her a nasty text message that you're gonna regret and stare at for months and years, or for however long it is until she responds." Kelley looked a little impressed. "Look-yes, I sometimes demand you to calm down, and for you to get your shit together in the moment, but I'm not expecting much out of you beyond that...” 

That felt a little relieving to the Stanford forward. 

"Kell...I was by your side when you were NOTHING like this." Alex offered. "I know that it takes someone who means a shit ton to be responsible for who you are now. And I love them both. It doesn't mean that you will always be this mopey, but I know that for someone as intense as you, so is your heartbreak." 

Kelley felt that truth spark a little something inside of her. 

"Kell, you're amazing. You always have been." Alex said gently. "Everyone from this town knows that you're meant for greatness. And I don't say that to pressure you or whatever, but there's a reason that that word is attached to YOUR name." 

"You're not too bad yourself." Kelley offered.  

"I know I am." Alex said with a small grin. "I'm working my ass off, and I have you...” She was a little breathless at how close Kelley was, "I have you on the field to help me. And I just hope that maybe you feel like you have me too." 

It felt oddly liberating to hear that from Alex.

"I don't have to be your girlfriend. Gawd, the thought of being in the likes of Heather Mitts." Alex rolled her eyes and Kelley chuckled. "But I don't have feelings for anyone else." 

"So what? You just forget about my baggage?" Kelley asked as she stroked Alex's face. 

"I won’t forget about it, and neither will you.” Alex said simply.

“It's up to you what you want to do with it." 

 

 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

 

 

"You need to let her go." Syd said before she let out a huge belch. "Sorry. It's been awhile." 

Hope looked down at her own beer and grimaced.  

"Don't like what I have to say, huh?" Syd said with an eye roll. "Look, she's lost her goddamn mind." 

"Syd." Hope chided. 

"She was happy, Hope. For the first time in a long time, she was like kid-happy. And fuck, dude I'm not saying this to hurt you-" The woman nodded, "you asked. And I'm telling you this because all we used to talk about was if Kelley would ever get out her slump, which I think was close to happening." 

"I agree." Hope said. Really she couldn't say anything else because she was just going off of the one moment she witnessed between Kelley and Alex. She would be lying if she said that it didn't make her chest hurt for the whole flight to Seattle.  

"I've got to do what's best for her." Hope said quietly. 

"They're kids." Syd said softly. She was gentle about the delivery, because it was definitely addressing the old taboo. 

"I get it, Syd." Hope said with a chuckle. 

"She's legal." Syd said with an inflection in her tone that would indicate that she wasn't chastising, "But they're kids. And she has no business spending her days worrying about you. Especially since Seattle is seriously going to take her." 

Hope nodded slowly and in defeat. She understood all of this.  

"How did your meeting with gross face go?" Sydney asked with a face of disgust. 

"It was surprisingly productive." Hope offered. "I think they're going to contact her." 

"You think Cap's ready?" Syd asked curiously when she sat back into the cushion of her seat of their booth at O'Bannon's.  

"I think she's physically ready to be challenged." Hope nodded. "But the mental part...I don't know Syd. Haven't talked to her in over two years." 

"Whose fault is that?" Syd asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"You just told me to let her go." Hope said with an eye roll. 

"I did." Syd nodded. "But that doesn't mean that I don't think you were a dick for ghosting her for two years." 

 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

 

Kelley didn't think that she would be so drunk off of a couple of 40oz, but she was feeling the consequences pump through her blood as her fingers ran up the skin of Alex's outer thighs that had Kelley trapped in the loveseat of Hope's living room. She didn't think it would be such a great idea to indulge Alex who had a higher level of tolerance for alcohol and her request to go find some more, but when she looked at the brown paper bags in Alex's hand, she felt it necessary to partake in the festivities. 

"Have I said how impressed I am with your abilities to charm people into illegally giving you alcohol?" Kelley said with a slight slur. 

Alex's skin was starting to get warm and so was Kelley's insides.  

"I was able to charm you into this position." Alex said with a smirk. The desire was heavy in her throat and her eyelids were heavy with want. She ground her waist into Kelley's lap and her lips were attached to Kelley's earlobes. 

Her lips were massaging and satisfying. And at first, every other image of all of the nameless girls that had hit her up had flashed through her mind, but before Kelley opened her eyes, all she could think about was Alex. Alex's lips, her hair that smelled so good, her warm skin, and that tongue that was threatening to set a bomb off and create destruction that they both were equipped to deal with. 

Alex pulled away and she swept her hair out of her face and caught her breath. 

"I'm sorry, Kell." She said. "I didn't meant to push it." 

Alex slowly untangled herself and tried to calm down her heart and the pulsing desire in between her legs. 

Kelley looked on as everything played in slow motion. 

"Al, I..." She swallowed and watched Alex put some distance in between them before opening another can. 

Kelley didn't know how much longer she could survive this night without another can of her own. 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

 

Tobin peaked her head out of the door and then waited for her girlfriend to turn around. 

"You still mad at me?" Tobin asked quietly. Her heart hurt a little when Christen continued packing instead out of acknowledging her presence. The midfielder shyly entered the room and then sat down close to her girlfriend. She poked her in her sides. 

She repeated the question. 

Christen just shrugged off the touch of her girlfriend. 

"I didn't mean to keep it from you." Tobin said softly. 

"Why does it seem like that's exactly what you did?" Christen stopped folding Tobin's clothes before she turned and looked at her. 

Tobin let out a little laugh at herself and her realization. 

"Because...it's exactly what I did." Tobin admitted. 

"Why are you hiding things about Hope from me?" Christen asked a little suspiciously. "You and I just don't do that..." 

It was true. They had managed to establish a foundation of trust on their second attempt at a relationship and it had been one of the most secure and joyful things that neither of them thought possible. 

"I literally wake up thinking that I never have to worry about you keeping secrets from me." Christen said softly. "This didn't work the first time because of a lack of trust. So why is this topic different?" 

Tobin started to help Chris fold her own clothes and they both settled into the silence and thought the question begot. 

 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

She wasn't entirely sure that she should have been operating a vehicle. But the roads were empty and for fuck's sake it was just Peachtree. She had just learned how to ride Paul's old motorcycle a couple of days ago and was just getting the hang of it, so she wanted to blame her not so smooth ride on her obvious inebriation. 

She managed to convince Syd enough to let her go, and ten minutes into figuring out how to ride and how to function a little, she now had to blame the alcohol on the fact that she was stumbling up Carli's driveway after two minutes of figuring out how to turn it off. 

Hope had to admit that it was a little embarrassing to find Brian looking at her with a combination of surprise and pity. 

"Shii...Bri. Is that a wedding ring on your finger?" Hope slurred.  The woman admitted that she wanted the sight to sober her up, and it did a little.  

He nervously chuckled. "Uh, Yah Hope." 

"Shiiiit. Please tell me it's to Carli, cuzz.."Hope stumbled a little.  

"I'm married to Carli." Brian reassured. 

"Oh thank god!" Hope grabbed her chest. "Cuz I don't know what she would do if you married another woman. She fucking love you." 

She wasn't too drunk to see the genuine appreciation of a wasted person's opinion. The both of them spent another awkward two minutes figuring out what Hope was doing there and it wasn't until she looked back down at saw his ring again that she was actually looking for Carli. 

"Ah. She's out, Hope." He said slowly. She had consumed enough alcohol in her life to know that either Carli was probably still in the house somewhere and she had sent her husband to cover for her, or Brian just really didn't like her. 

"I get it, Bri. I know how you guys feel about me." Hope waved off. 

"No- Hope. Are you- how are you getting home?" He called after her retreating back. 

"I'm walking!" She lied. He didn't investigate too hard, it's not like she expected him to.  _This whole town wishes I were dead, if they only knew I was still alive._ Those morose thoughts came and then they went. When he revved up the engine she told herself that this was all reaffirming the thought was growing in her head: 

_This place hates you. Why try to make it my home again?_  

Paul was going to kill her, she knew. In her drunken mind she tried to reason that it was really all of his fault that she was riding it since he had neglected to maintain her other cars, and the one that was usually readily available was probably parked in Alex Morgan's driveway. She knew that the argument wouldn't go far when he realized that his side mirror had been smashed into the driveway. She didn't want to leave evidence of her umpteenth (she was losing count) criminal act, but she didn't have the energy to pick the heavy bike back up, and have to remember how drunk she was. 

_Oh well, he won't be here in the morning._  

She opted to pick it up later. 

"Good to know you've cleaned up your act." A voice rang out. And Paul's house had this annoying light that shown a big spotlight at any movement on the nearer half of his driveway, and she had the impeccable timing of crossing into that half when she heard that familiar voice.  

She started laughing. At the sight of the fallen bike and the emerging figure of Carli Lloyd who was literally crawling out of the shadows probably to lecture her again. 

 

 

 

 

_~~_  

 

 

_This feels a lot like home._  

After half a can (for Alex it was like 2 more cans), Alex's mouth felt inevitable. The dwindling space in between their bodies seemed very unnecessary with every sip they consumed and now all of Kelley's brain was starting to feel fuzzy and all she wanted was for Alex to extinguish this deep seated desire that sat in the pit of her stomach. 

She was surprised to find Alex so submissive. Every massage of the tongue was meant with a moan or a whimper and it was getting harder and harder to bolster the inhibitions that were screaming at her nervous system. Christen was one thing, but to be reaching down Alex Morgan's pants in the middle of Hope's living room was another. 

Alcohol was so powerful and it just only intensified the animal that Kelley had spent many nights taming with depression and regard for her past. But Alex's tongue was soft and her underwear wet and really what did all of them really want in this life? 

To fuck and to eat. And Kelley felt like she could do both to Alex Morgan in this moment. 

She pushed back Alex's hands when they went to push down her shorts, and she ripped them off with lightning speed with her own. Her mouth traveled up Alex's torso and for some reason she always knew that she would know what her skin tasted like.  Maybe it was because she spent a lot of her teenage years lying next to it. She could feel the girl shiver, but it didn't compare to the way her legs were shaking from the anticipation of it all. 

Her mouth found Alex's lips and her right hand had maneuvered Alex's panties off of her body and now it really was just Kelley and Alex, and the desire for each other swirling in the air. 

"Kell, I've never-" Alex managed to say through her sharp intakes of breath. That made Kelley slow down. 

"Do you want me to stop?" Kelley asked sweetly. The fact had been long forgotten the instant that Alex's bra came off and the last drop of alcohol consumed, but she had enough bearings to pull back just a little, if it's what Alex wanted. 

Kelley thanked god that it wasn't. 

"Please do whatever you want with me." Alex spoke so quietly and her voice laden with a want that Kelley never know she needed in this life. 

If Alex wanted, she would give and she would give it like she hasn't in what felt like forever. Her arms were much stronger and her bite a little bit harsher. 

"I want it." Alex begged and begged and begged. Kelley's nails scraped along Alex's smooth skin and sent the eerily satisfying message to the receptors on her skin that she would give it to her in a way that may or may not draw blood. 

She grabbed the root of Alex's hair at the base and pulled her lips to hers and she found the pleasure deep in the belly of the beast unleashed. 

"Please just fuck me." Alex softly demanded when her best friend's fingers were starting to stir something unholy in her mind. And the Cal forward had never really experienced the mystique and power of a woman so when she had expected Kelley to use her hands, she felt a little panic when Kelley was planning on fucking her with a body part that was NOT her hands. 

"Kell...” 

"Fucking trust me, Alex." The girl demanded. The intensity and the momentary blackness in Kelley's eyes were enough to send another shiver down her body. She remembered why Kelley used to have the reputation. 

Feeling Kelley's fingertips on her hip flexor, her tickle spot, was not enough to distract her from the fact that Kelley's tongue was working in a way that made her dizzy... 

"Kell...I've never..." She gripped the sides of the couch like it would tether her down to earth because she felt like maybe she was flying and leaving her body. 

Alex Morgan had never felt this sensation before. 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

"You've been drinking." Carli said plainly. 

"Just tequila." Hope said with a little shrug. 

"Been spending too much time in Mexico?" The volleyball coach threw. Hope narrowed her eyes and she could feel her body sobering up. 

"Let me know if I need to go back since you're probably going to turn me in for something, I'm sure." 

Carli chuckled a little but her gaze didn't reveal much. 

"Stop fucking up." Carli suggested. 

"I'm Hope Solo." Hope said with her eyes pointed and a shrug that served as a signal that her response was self-explanatory. 

"Running seems to be your trademark." Her friend said quietly. 

"Breath away from trouble." Hope said when she walked past her former friend and miraculously fished out a key that she panicked for a second that she had lost. "You used to say that was who I was. You were right." 

"Of course I was right." Carli retorted.  

Silence was palpable between them. 

"What do you want Carli?" Hope asked as she looked down at her keys. 

"To see if you were really still alive." 

"Oh and who told you that I was?" 

"Sydney."  

"Of course." Hope rolled her eyes. "Did you get your proof? Are we done here?" Now that she had seen Carli with her own eyes and she found herself a little bit more sober, the old memories were starting to come back and the resentment was bubbling through. And it seemed like Carli was never really going to forgive her. Hope just didn't know what she had to be sorry for anymore. 

"Why are you sleeping here?" Carli asked with narrowed eyes. "Why aren't you at YOUR house?" 

"I'm not straight and dating a man more appropriate to my age if that's what you’re asking." Hope threw back. 

"I wouldn't expect that to be the answer." Carli said with an eye roll. She waited impatiently for Hope to answer her original question. 

"Why do you think that after all this time that 'm going to answer to you?" Hope whispered into the night. 

Carli tilted her head in thought. 

"Are you here to yell at me?" 

"No."  

"Are you here to call the cops on me?" 

"No." 

"Then what do you want?" 

She couldn't really read Carli's face. Its lines seemed to carry a lot of stories that Hope had not read, and were not present for. She imagined that her face mirrored the same to her former friend. 

"I'm not going to say 'I'm sorry"." Carli said thoughtfully. It wasn't directed with any malice. "I don't think I owe you one." 

"I'm not asking for it." Hope said. The volleyball coach seemed to relax just a little. 

"Why are you sleeping here?" Carli asked again. 

And really, Hope was starting to get fatigued from this conversation so she answered with no resistance. 

"Kelley stays in my house and I'm staying far away from her. Oh and by the way she's 20 and she's not my student, and no I haven't been alone in the house with her." She said with a slow eye roll. Her former friend shifted a little more uncomfortably but she was finding a lot of comfort that she was able to speak about this issue in her life so bluntly in front of Carli Lloyd. It felt a little just. 

"Why are you staying away from here?" Carli asked with a furrowed brow and a genuine plate of confusion on her face 

Hope dropped the helmet and keys in her head and stared on wildly. 

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Hope asked angrily.  

"What?" Carli asked, innocently. 

"Are you, Carli Lloyd, really confused as to why I'm staying away from the girl that you almost got me arrested for?" 

 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

 

It was two in the morning by the time Christen and Tobin had finally finished packing up and loading all of the boxes into Tobin's jeep. Christen organized and packed everything, while Tobin did the heavy lifting. It seemed to work well, and Tobin even smiled when she saw a label on one of her cup holders that said: T's PHONE HOLDER. 

"I don't want you to go." Christen pouted as they held each other out on her driveway. 

"We still have tonight, C." Tobin said with an exhausted expression that meant that they were for sure not going to have sex tonight. 

"Yeah, that means only one more sleep." She said sadly. 

"Noo...." Tobin chuckled. "It means, yeah. I get one more sleep with you. I am so fucking lucky." Christen admitted that it sounded a lot better the way her girlfriend said it. She laid her head in Tobin's chest and did her routine of trying to commit to memory the different perfume that Tobin had bought this time for her to remember. 

"I'm a really big fan of this lavender." She whispered. "You need to keep this one this time." She could feel Tobin's head nod. 

"YOYOYOYOYOYOYO" a voice rang out. It was so out of place and had alarmed the both of them, Christen had jumped back in fright. 

"You two are fucking...” Kelley took big gulp. "Adorable." 

Christen's heart fell a little at the sight of her best friend obviously drunk. She was stumbling in her bra and underwear, with no sock and no shoes on. 

"Kell. What are you- you don't drink!" She said furiously. "What are you--?” 

"I don't, but I should." Kelley slurred. 

"Okay." Tobin walked over to the drunk girl and picked her up with ease, and Kelley held onto her neck like a little child. The couple looked at each other before they agreed to take her into the house. 

"Tobs, how'd you get so strong. You're like a stick." Kelley said curiously. 

"I've been working out." Tobin said as she struggled to walk up the stairs to Christen's room. 

"Chris, she's been working out." Kelley repeated. "I've been working out, too." 

"I’m sure you have, Kell." Christen soothed. 

"Guys. Guys GUYS GUYS GUYS" Kelley's voice was starting to escalate, Tobin's legs were about to give up, and Christen was starting to worry that Kelley was going to wake up her parents. 

"Yes, Kell?" Tobin managed to get out when she had set the girl down on Christen's bed. 

"I just fucked Alex." She whispered. She was swinging her legs off the edge of the bed and she was giggling. Tobin couldn't help but laugh, and Christen felt like maybe that was why Kelley had picked up the bottle. 

The night was filled with Kelley repeating the fact that she had slept with Alex before she finally passed out like a baby on Christen's bed. Tobin tucked in a blanket around her and looked at the small figure of this girl who in a sober state probably still held a lot of hate for her. Seeing Kelley cuddled up into a ball made her wish that Hope would just show her some love, because even though Kelley's surprise appearance had knocked them into a shock, and now that she had more time to process it, Tobin realized that Kelley really did need some help. 

"Just let her sleep, babe." Tobin turned around to see Christen leaning on the door frame, her eyes on Kelley and her expression exactly how Tobin felt. 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

Hope was glad (and scared) to know that she had woken up perfectly fine, the hangover not even present along the edges of her consciousness. She rode the bike a little slower, but she felt like maybe it was a gamble going near her place. And she was right. When she pulled up into her driveway, she was already pulling her helmet off when she saw Christen Press jogging up to her. 

She could see the girl's mouth moving but she couldn't hear it over the engine. She killed it. 

"What did you say?" Hope asked with a smile. 

"I said that you probably don't want to go in there...Hi." Christen said breathlessly. 

"Hey there, Chris. Hope said warmly. "And why don't I want to go in there?" 

"Uh...because...ya know...because-" 

"Who's in there?" Hope asked calmly. She smoothed down the hair that managed to escape from her ponytail and she adjusted her seat on her standing bike before she offered, "It’s okay, CP. I'm thirty years old, I can handle it if you tell me Kelley and Alex." 

"Alex." Christen sighed. "Kell's in my house talking to Tobin. I felt like giving them some space." 

That made Hope smile. "Are they making up?" 

"I think so." Christen said with a hint of excitement in her voice. Hope nodded. 

"Are you- Do you live here now?" Christen asked curiously. After all, she hadn't seen Hope since the night of the fallout and it was a little surreal to see Hope Solo on a motorcycle, looking good as ever. 

"No." Hope chuckled. The girl noticed the way the woman's eyes scanned behind them for a sign that someone else other than the two of them would appear. 

"Where do you live now?" Christen asked. She could detect the hesitation in Hope's posture and the way her mouth opened and then closed. 

"I don't know yet, kiddo." Hope finally admitted. 

 "Why not here?" Christen asked softly. And she could see that Hope had definitely thought through the option. Christen could tell that this was probably another major life decision she Hope had to face. Hope Solo had definitely lived a life.

"I'm realizing that maybe I need to move on too, Chris." 

She could feel those words so deep in her chest and Christen Press only wished that she wasn't hearing it from Hope.  She begged her to reconsider.  Because something about those 15 months meant a great deal to Christen and she felt in her heart that it would be a mistake.

"Hope... Please don't leave without thinking about it again." Christen said. "I never told you, I mean I told Kell a long time ago, but it wasn't just Alex that got you in trouble." 

"It's okay, Chris." Hope assured her. The mere fact that Hope was waving it off like her and Alex’s actions hadn’t practically derailed the woman’s life made Christen realize what kind of person Kelley really was in love with.

"No, look. I was in a relationship with Kelley for awhile, too. And I know her. And I know that right now, all she would need is for you to tell her that you still love her. That's it. You wouldn't need to move on, because she hasn't moved on." Christen pushed. 

"Maybe she needs to, kiddo." Hope said with a sad smile. 

"Hope. Please." Christen breathlessly begged. "Kelley loved both you and I, so you  _know_  I'm telling you the truth when I say that her love's not going to go away that easily." 

"So don't go away that easily." Christen whispered. 

Hope felt strangely connected to the girl in front of her. She couldn’t quite explain it. But here was a young kid begging her to hold on to what everyone else on this world would kill for. She felt like maybe in this moment, the roles had reversed, and Christen Press was teaching her something. She didn’t know what, but Christen’s intense gaze told her that the girl knew what she was talking about.

Hope was about to say something before she looked up to see Alex Morgan standing in her own doorway, staring at her with widened, reddened, hungover eyes. 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

"Shit." Kelley looked around at the strewn about clothes on the floor and realized that she was probably going to spend her day doing laundry. After waking up from a night of amazing sex with Alex, and enduring an awkward, yet interesting conversation with Tobin, and then being informed by Christen that Alex had ran off to go home because her parents were urgently looking for her, and the horrible headache throbbing at her skull, she had forgotten all about the responsibilities she had been tasked with. The idea of packing for the school year and then returning all of Hope's clothes back to their respective closets made her groan. 

She looked around for a distraction. 

“Oh shit.” Kelley yelled. She saw her long-forgotten phone on the charger, face down on the counter. She quickly picked it up when she saw it. Her heart raced when she saw the many messages that had come through.  

“Oh shit.” She said again. But this time it was softer.  

**Erin O’Hara** Text Message (4) 

**Syd** Text Message (10) 

**Mom** Voicemail (1) 

**Alex** Text Message (3)  

**Paul** Missed Call (7) 

**Ash** Text Message (15) 

**CP** Text Message (9) & Voicemail (2) 

**Hope** Text Message (2) & Voicemail (1) 

**206-988-7493** Text Message (1) 

 

She opened Hope’s texts.  

**Hope:** little one, you should probably charge your phone because I’ve been calling like crazy.  

**Hope:** its either you blocked me or it’s dead but I’ll keep calling.   

Kelley didn’t even want to listen to the voicemail as she stood there and held her breath at the realization that Hope had been trying to contact her this whole time that her old phone had been at the bottom of the river.  

She felt like running again.   

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

 

Alex hoped that Kelley would forgive her for running out on her before she returned to the house (Christen had informed her that Kelley was making amends with Tobin).  

She felt like dry heaving, but she wanted to  _seem_ like she had her shit together since her mother’s voicemail seemed pretty urgent in her request that Alex come home as soon as possible.  

And at this point, Alex would do anything that would distract her from the fact that Hope had literally ran at the sight of her. The Cal forward smoothed her hair while she tried not to think about the sound of Hope’s bike coming to life and then speeding off when she had stepped outside.  

She tried to wipe the egg off of her face while she tried not think about the fact that she had literally looked like she was about to make the walk of shame out of her former coach’s house where she had banged her former coach’s ex-girlfriend. 

_Can't do anything about it now, Morgan..._  

She hoped that her mom couldn’t tell that she was hungover. Alex unlocked the door and then walked in.  

“You look like…a superstar?” Her dad said with a questioning tone.  

“Oh Ali.” Mrs. Morgan was shaking her head in disappointment. “Let’s not talk about what you were doing last night.” 

Her dad nervously chuckled. “We have a guest over.” 

The last thing she needed was someone to silently judge her. 

But when she met the mischievous eyes of the guest, she knew that the judgment she was about to be served was going to be anything but silent. 

She stared on at Heather Mitts donning the biggest smirk at the sight of her in last night’s clothes. 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

 

Kelley didn’t know where to run to. But she just ran. The irony of her life was powering the wattage of her powerful speed and her anger was enough to light a fire that would burn for at least 5 miles.  

She only had 2 more days left of summer and she didn’t think it was possible to be more broken then the first day she arrived here for the sunny season.  

At first, Kelley wasn’t crying or wasn’t sad, but she was just confused. Because this narrative of Hope not caring, or of the woman ignoring her was all… _a lie?_  

And Kelley had spent a night with Alex. One that had unraveled some new desires with familiar faces. She had actually found a home in it.  

Kelley knew that she missed the window of opportunity to see Hope, and that maybe it wouldn’t have happened had she had the phone that she so ironically use to cling to. She now felt the anger that life was treating her like such. In order to not combust, her thoughts wandered to Alex and how she felt about last night. They didn’t even get to talk about.  

And the sex was just so... beautiful. It was rough and clumsy on Alex’s part but it was her first time and she had chosen to let it be with Kelley and something about that felt special. The though of Alex’s smooth skin and her scent brought warm thoughts.  

She slowed down to a walk when her mind was starting to exhaust her more than her pumping heart and her ragged legs. 

Kelley didn’t know what to think at the moment. She felt psychotic that her train of thought could flip flop so quickly and she was starting become numb again, her system starting to overload. Thoughts of Hope and Alex at the same time were literally shutting her down. She looked all around and noticed that the sun looked like it was in the early evening and that she would probably not have the time to make it back to Pike Place in the dark.  

She chuckled at the fact that she didn’t bring her phone with her since she had gotten used to not having one. Kelley figured out where she was and then made her way to Hope’s suburban house, the closer of the two destinations.  

The forward focused on her breath and and the sound of her footsteps and two miles in, she found her stride and her focus and she no longer had the room to think about anything else. A state of focus she usually reached in the game.  

Kelley didn’t even bat an eyelash at the sight of Christen’s house, because usually the memory of her and Tobin’s talk that morning would have flooded through, but for now it remained on task. She didn’t want this run to end, not wanting to waste this zone, but the sigh of a car in Hope’s driveway skidded her to a halt.  

It was one of Hope’s old fashioned muscle cars with the hood up, ones that had an engine too loud for Kelley’s ears, and maintenance too high and too complicating for her to do. She usually left that to Paul.  

Her focus was broken when she remembered that Sydney had told her to take care of it before he came back.  _Fuck._ She jogged over to apologize, because she was pretty sure that she was going to get an earful of his rough English insulting her in ways that she wouldn’t be able to understand. She might as well get it over with.  

“Dude. I’m really sorry.” Kelley called out as she wiped the sweat from her forehead. “I swear, I've been meaning to do it, Syd reminded me the other day.” 

She cringed at the sight of a hand pulling the hood down and she braced herself for his response.  

“Don’t worry about it, Cap. I got it.” 

That voice. That face.  

It was one thing to see her name pop up on her phone for the first time in a long time, but to see her in person was akin to a once in a lifetime moment.  

Kelley wanted to take in every detail, every mole, and every feature. She wanted to know the buildup, climax, and resolution to the stories behind Hope’s tired yet still beautiful eyes. Hope looked so much leaner, yet stronger, and Kelley was consumed of thoughts of starving nights in a foreign country and the company the woman must have kept to keep her in shape. Time had treated Hope well.  

She was just standing there in a spot that, if they could go back and change everything, would be so normal and so  _close_ to Kelley. Hope’s pull on Kelley would always be so strong. She could literally feel herself spinning in the woman’s orbit.  

 Kelley felt her bones rattle and her knees literally go a little weak at the sight of Hope Solo with a small grin as she wiped her hands on a rag. It didn’t even occur to herself that she had spent close to twenty seconds just looking at the woman whose love she would spend her whole life trying to recreate if she were to ever leave, again. She watched Hope's every move like that was all she was meant to do on this Earth. 

It wasn’t until the woman walked around the car to sit on the bumper of the car that Kelley realized that Hope was wearing a Cal Berkeley shirt that looked a lot like the one Alex was wearing the night before. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wretchedthorium.tumblr.com


	26. Look what your love has done to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally, the shortest chapter I've probably ever written. But i'm getting soooo busy. I figured a short update is better than no update.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't even look back and edit. So bear with me.

Hope just wished from the center of her gut that seeing Kelley would reaffirm what she had been telling herself for the past two years. But it didn’t.

Seeing Kelley was sad. Their time apart had been a waste. She promised the world and the Earth that these empty voicemails and sleepless nights would render the heartache into happiness eventually, but seeing Kelley look like she had been abandoned, didn’t give her any indication that it would. In fact, it just twisted Hope’s stomach with a pain that shot up to her chest and the small smile that was on her face slowly turned into a grimace.

“Why are you wearing that shirt?” Kelley asked with her eyes so intensely trying to find the answer before Hope would give it to her.

Hope’s shoulders relaxed, more like sagged, in defeat as the seconds passed and she fiddled with the rag in her hand as a way to abate the surprising rush of disappointment and devastation rolling through her body in waves that were crashing every second.

“I, uh..” She put the rag down. She went back to the front of the car and put the hood down. “I don’t know where my clothes are. It was the only shirt in my house and I found it on the floor.”

Kelley gulped. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

This wasn’t how this moment was supposed to be. Even though they had only exchanged two to three sentences, they could both feel how down south this moment was going to go.  Two years later, there was still a nagging presence of another woman (albeit a different one), and Hope maybe would have thought that time didn’t change their circumstances, but the look on Kelley’s face told her quite the opposite. Time had changed everything.

Hope could tell from Kelley’s guarded posture that she was fighting her inner self to determine which emotion out of the many, she should express. The woman could tell that none of it looked like happiness. None of it looked like excitement. None it looked like love.

“What are you doing here?” Kelley asked.

Hope thought that maybe it was just in her head, but it sounded like Kelley didn’t really want her to be here. It sounded like there was a hint of disgust. But she didn’t know if it was just in her head. She didn't want to ask.

“Just had business to tend to.” Hope said after a long sigh. It didn’t seem that Kelley really cared about why she was here, but more about why she wasn’t somewhere far away, where she should be. Again, she didn't want to ask  

“Seriously? You have business to attend to? That’s all you’re going to say?” Kelley asked with these rage filled eyes that Hope had forgotten the sight of.

At this point, there was no denying that Kelley O’Hara hated her.

She shrugged. “What do you want me to say, kid?”

“I want you to tell me how you’re so –how are you so fucking casually standing there??” Kelley’s voice was raising.

“I’m in town for a little bit.” Hope said.

“And when were you planning on FUCKING TELLING ME?” Kelley demanded. She was yelling now. Hope didn’t want to feed this, she didn’t want to fight this. She starting walking back to the garage door to make her way back in.

“By the looks of it, doesn’t seem like you would have wanted me to tell you.” She said over her shoulder in a defeated tone.

“You abandoned me.” Kelley said with a little cry cracking her voice. Hope stopped. She slowly put her face in her hands. That was the last thing she wanted to hear. Because that night that she left Peachtree, she thought she had made it very clear that she was doing quite the opposite. The weight of the last two years had been breaking her back and now it was all too much to bear.

“You ignored my calls, you didn’t call me on my birthday, or any of the FUCKING days that you were breathing.” Kelley continued. “You left me. And you think that I’m going to be all fucking-what are you doing here? Where have you been? Why didn’t you talk to me??” Kelley didn’t even try to hide the tears that started to flow out.

Hope had turned around at the sound of the desperation. Her instinct made her close the distance and attempt to wipe the tears. And maybe since it had been a long time since she had been a keeper, her instincts were way off. And that move was the wrong one. Kelley moved her face away so that Hope wouldn’t have touched it.

“You left me.” Kelley said with such venom.

“I said that if I left, It’s only so I can come back. And I’m back.” Hope strongly defended.

“Come back to what??” Kelley spat. “What were you expecting to come back to??”

“You tell me, O’Hara.”

“LOOK AT ME, HOPE!” Kelley exploded. Her arms raised and clenched near her body as she tried to contain the anger and sadness that she knew she had harboring for the past two years. It sat in her chest everynight and now it was bursting though her veins. Her heart pumping, her eyes bulging, and she could just feel in the pit of her stomach how good it felt to finally release it all.  The many calls that rang and rang and rang before that familiar voice mail buzzed in Kelley’s ear. The sight of Hope was infuriating, and that faint smell of her was maddening. The fact that this woman was here, and without notice, Kelley couldn’t control anything anymore.

“The fact that you don’t know what you’re coming back to-” Kelley took a breath, she wiped the moisture from her face and put her hands above her head so that the air would enter her lungs easier. Her body was begging for the relief of the stress.

“Can I re-do this moment?” Hope asked softly.

“Can you undo these past two years?” Kelley asked with a sadness. Their eyes met and the devastation of their actions and the followed consequences finally hit Kelley, two years later. Hope felt like throwing up, and Kelley took in this painful sight of Hope. “Can you undo all of this?”

“Do you want me to?” Hope asked as her face fell and her heart crashed down to the floor along with it.

The silence didn’t mask the real answer that Kelley couldn’t say out loud: _Yes._

Kelley’s hands started to shake as she approached the woman, who in this moment was realizing what a 20-year old Kelley O’Hara looked like at the realization of what she had been subjected to back in the day.

“All I wanted was to be with you. That’s it.” Kelley said through a shaky voice as she grabbed onto Hope’s biceps. She died just a little at the sensation of Hope’s skin. “Then I downgraded to just wanting to hear your fucking voice. And I’m broken. I think you broke me.”

Hope gulped back the tears.

“I thought seeing you would fix me, I thought it would be different.” Kelley cried into her forever shaking hands.

_That makes the two of us kid._

“But it’s so _hard_ to look at you.” Kelley broke down. “I can’t look at you without being so angry about you not talking to me.”

“I did it for you.” Hope said softly.

“You did it for yourself.” Kelley said sadly. “Stop holding onto that. You ran away just like you did from your fiancé, just like you did your career. I’m not 18 anymore, you don’t have to lie to me.”

In her heart, Hope knew that wasn’t true, but she didn’t really know what to say. Her absence couldn’t really refute Kelley’s words. Her past couldn’t really support the rebuttal she wanted to offer, and at the end of the day, she couldn’t really blame the kid for coming to that answer.

“I love you.” Hope said. It was a fact, and it always would be.

“Look what your love has done to me.” Kelley said.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

“You’re going to be okay.” Ash said with a little chuckle. She stared on at Christen hugging onto the pillow that Tobin had left behind with a frown on her face as she stared out at the driveway that Tobin’s Jeep had peeled out of thirty minutes ago.

“I’m gonna miss her.” Christen said with a pout.

The keeper held her close when Christen sought out a comforting hug and they both tried to soak in the last few hours of the summer. They both put on Netflix and sat on Christen’s couch, trying not to think about the upcoming semester and it’s obligations, and the soreness that was going to come from preseason. They lamented the hard good byes the both of them had to endure. Ashlyn’s was a bitter one with Ali, because they both felt like it had just being (and maybe it wasn’t going to end), and Christen was still holding on tight to Tobin’s pillow.

“What time are you leaving tomorrow?” Ashlyn asked.

“Kell and I are leaving like at 2. Be at the airport at like 12:30ish maybe.” Christen replied.

“Ah.” Ashlyn said as she mulled over her thoughts. “I’m not okay with her and Alex by the way.”

The Stanford forward looked over at her like she was crazy.

“Why?”

“Are you okay with it??” Ashlyn pushed back.

“Ash.” Christen warned. “History shows that it’s best for me to just mind my own damn business.”

“Whatever.” Ash shrugged.

“What’s your deal?” Christen asked. She had her head titled and rested on the cushion of the couch as looked on at her friend, curiously. Again, Ashlyn shrugged.

“So Kelley’s just over Hope all of a sudden? Snap of her fingers and she’s into Alex now?? Cmon.”

“I mean,” Christen thought it over, “Are you…mad at them?”

“Kinda.” Ash said simply.

“Why? I mean, listen. You know that _I know_ how much Hope means to Kelley. ” Christen offered. “But why are you mad?”

“Hope fucking ruined her life over Kelley.” Ashlyn said seriously. “Like LEGIT, ruined her life over her. Am I wrong?” Ash asked.

“Sometimes I think I ruined it.” Christen said thoughtfully as she looked back at the TV, finding Ash’s stare and her own lingering guilt a little too intense to process.

“Dude. Hope made the choice, I’m not saying it’s anyone else’s fault. I mean, what can any of us do about it. She’s fucking 30 now bro.” Ashlyn offered. “But, the point is, she made it because she loved Kelley. Like enough to risk it all. And now that she’s coming back to basically help all us get a pro career, she comes back and finds out that Kelley is with Alex? What the fuck dude.”

Christen sighed.

“I just have a feeling that Kelley’s not done with Hope yet, though.” Christen offered.

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

“Did you sleep with anyone else? Or is that a stupid question.” Kelley asked a little breathlessly.

Hope sat back onto the trunk of her car and she felt the car buck a little under the weight as Kelley sat next to her.

“It’s as stupid as I felt when I found this shirt on my own floor.” Hope said with a bite as she tore off the shirt a little too swiftly then she planned and she let it drop to the floor. Kelley’s rage had come like a wave and crashed, and now she was calm, her anger slowly lulling as her heart beat slowed. Hope felt like it was her turn to be appropriately angry, but as soon as she saw Alex’ shirt on her floor, she just sighed. She wasn’t angry. She just couldn’t be.

“You can’t be angry at me.” Kelley whispered as she laid her head down on her hand and looked at Hope. “I didn’t even know if you were alive for awhile.”

The woman just nodded in a bitter agreement. She stared straight ahead, avoiding the saddened stares of Kelley. She pulled out a cigarette and lighter from her back pocket and lit it up.

“What is this?” Kelley’s was a tiny bit flabbergasted at the casualty that Hope had pulled a cigarette, and her tone demanded an explanation.

“Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you’re the only who has been killing themselves over this.” Hope said with a dead look in her eyes. She blew the smoke away from Kelley’s face, and held the stick away from the girl.

Kelley didn’t want to process what that meant. She leaned to put her head on Hope’s bare shoulder, but stopped quickly when she saw this big scar that had not been there back in the day.

“What is this?” Kelley asked as she ran her fingers over the thick skin. Hope looked down at where Kelley’s fingers were touching her and she thought that maybe it was self-explanatory, but she remembered that Kelley hadn’t really been in her life for awhile.

“I got surgery.” Hope said after she took another drag.

“In Mexico? When?” Kelley demanded. It seemed like every second revealed something new, things that signified how different Hope was.

“Few months ago.” Hope responded.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kelley asked. Really, it was just another way of letting Hope know that she felt abandoned. Hope understood. She didn’t answer the question, and she just chose to slowly rub out the butt of her cigarette and throw it away when it was done. She didn’t want to talk about her shoulder.

“Are you and Alex happy?” Hope asked softly as she looked at the little rocks in her driveway and avoided Kelley’s stare. She didn’t want her disappointment at how her life with Kelley turned out, to show up on her face. Because of course she wanted happiness for Kelley, but it didn’t mean that it wouldn’t sting.

“I don’t want to talk about that with you.” Kelley said as she looped onto Hope’s arm, and finally leaned her head on her shoulder. She wanted one last second to feel this woman.

“Okay.” Hope nodded, still trying to Kelley’s stare. She was unsuccessful when she felt the burn of Kelley’s eyes looking up at her.

“You’re still so fucking beautiful.” Kelley said with a cracked voice. She felt Hope’s arm flex a little when the woman put her face in her hands. Because the conversation shifted back to the heart of the matter. Kelley let go.

“If you need me to do something to make you feel loved, I’ll do it.” Hope said through her fingers. She could feel Kelley slipping through those very fingers. She was glad that they were at least good for wiping tears that were threatening to fall.

“I need you to undo the moment I met you.” Kelley said as she tried so hard to keep the tears in. Hope started sobbing at that.

And they both knew that neither of them could do that. Kelley felt the bottom of her shoes hit the rocks of the ground when she slipped off the car. She carried her feet far enough away until she was too numb to think.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

Alex put her clothes in her bag mindlessly. Every once in awhile she would check her phone to see if Kelley had texted her, but she didn’t expect much. She was sure that her best friend needed some time to process their night together. Plus, Alex needed some time of her own after that bizarre meeting with Heather Mitts.

As she mindlessly searched her house for her favorite Berkeley shirt, she thought on end about what Heather had to say. The timing was a little suspicious, she had to admit, but overall it was definitely not something to flip her hair at.

The instant that Heather had introduced herself with that goddamn nasty smirk of hers as the ATL FC’s women’s recruiter, Alex was a little bit more open to the idea of having someone like Mittens in her house. Her mom had squealed in delight when Heather had said that the club was interested in acquiring her for the 2018 season.

“Al never really set her sights on making soccer a career but…” Pam looked at her daughter with pride.

Truthfully, Alex never thought she was that good enough. Even if she was having a good season, it never sparked the thought that she would be able to make a shot at the pros. She never really had the uncontested confidence of Kelley, nor the natural technical ability of Tobin, and so this conversation with Mitts was really confusing her.

“You want me to believe that ATL has an interest me? What about school?” Alex asked.

“You’re going pro.” Heather shrugged. “What else are you looking for?”

“A financial future? Women don’t make anything.” Alex asked.

Heather looked at her with glint in her eye.

“With that pretty face of yours, you’ll make a lot of money. Trust me.”

 

 

 

~~

 

 

“Hey.”

Kelley looked up from her daze to see Erin looking at her with concern. The little sister didn’t even realize that she had been staring at the ground for the past thirty minutes. She recognized that she was in front of her parent’s house. She looked to her left to see Erin’s car in the driveway. Somehow, until the sound of her sister’s voice, Kelley wasn’t able to recall how she had ended up here. It must have been midnight.

“Hi.” She responded robotically.

“Kell. Are you okay?” Erin asked softly as she approached her.

She was most certainly not okay. And the feeling of Erin’s hand on her shoulder brought her back to full consciousness.

“What happened?” Erin asked with grave concern.

“I didn’t even look back, Er.” Kelley said in a panic.

“Look back at what?”

“I need to go back.” Kelley said as she turned to go in the opposite direction of the front door of their childhood home.

“Go back to what? Hey- Where are you going? Back to what?” Erin asked as she turned her little sister back around.

“I don’t know…” Kelley said as her eyes stared off into something distant. “I just gotta go.”

Erin watched Kelley’s sneakers flash against the streetlamps as she ran off into the night. Erin had a nagging suspicion that even though Kelley was fast, whatever she was running back to, it wasn't going to be there anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	27. 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5 chapters left or less. I swear, we're getting close to the end.

Kelley could literally feel her insides warm when she felt Alex’s fingers twiddling with the baby hairs at the base of her neck and she leaned back into the palm of her girlfriend’s hand.  

“Tired?” Alex whispered into her ear. 

The look on Kelley’s face reaffirmed Alex’s spot-on assessment, but they both knew that they would have to tough this one out. It wasn’t every day that Kelley O’Hara was in her parent’s house, able to find a day where she wasn’t training with Stanford or training with the national team. And it wasn’t every day that Erin and Kelley were in the same room. 

Kelley squeezed Alex’s knee underneath the kitchen table in playful thanks for asking and for her to give her a skin reminder that they were in this together and they would power through. 

“So Alex, how do you feel about being called up by the national team??” Erin asked. Kelley beamed with pride. Her tired eyes still managed to crinkle out a little smile as she looked on at her best friend. She watched as Alex’s eyes widened a little as she talked about her apprehension to a call into camp and Kelley could literally feel Alex’s body shake with nervous excitement at the thought of it all. She rubbed her thumb over Alex’s knee in a way that she hoped would be soothing. They both knew that Alex was dumbfoundedly wading through the successful waters of her college soccer waves that were starting to parallel Kelley’s. 

“She’s gonna kill it.” Kelley said simply once Alex had found a pause in her stuttered excitement. 

“Why are you so tired?” Dan O’Hara asked curiously.  

Alex smirked as she petted her girlfriend on the head. “Oh, this little one stayed up too late partying with her ‘sorority sisters’” 

“Don’t most sororities only take you in your freshman year?” Erin asked. 

“Who can resist me?” Kelley asked, her turn to smirk. 

“Gross.” Alex commented, but her eyes were all twinkly and they told a story much different. Erin could tell, Dan could tell, and most importantly, Kelley could tell. 

Through their last sips of their green teas (Kelley was detoxifying the alcohol from her body from last night), they all agreed to call it a night at 8pm due to the long flights in from the two college women, and the obvious hangover of Kelley’s. 

“Should I find it weird that your parent’s let me sleep in your bed even though we’re together now?” Alex asked as she pulled the comforter back ready to slip in. Instead of a verbal response, Kelley crashed into the safety of her childhood bed and then held on tight to Alex’s wrist as she pulled her into the orbit of her slumber and held her close so that she could breathe in her hair. 

“I'm sure Erin figures that we fucked in high school, anyways.” Kelley said after they had settled into the darkened silence. 

They both chuckled, Kelley’s laughter dying down a lot sooner due to the exhaustion from the flight and her adventures. Alex moved in her spot a little, only mildly disturbing Kelley’s doze, so that she could face her girlfriend and try to decipher how many freckles Kelley O’Hara had, in the dark. She realized that she had never done this in high school. She had never  _looked_ at Kelley the way she was doing now. The Stanford forward was so…vulnerable, and adorable, and her mouth was starting to part a little, making way for the drool that Alex knew was going to end up on the pillow that was laying beneath both of their heads. 

Her girlfriend’s hair was so wild these days, the baby flyaways sprouted from every spot, and Alex tried to gently tame them with her palm. She wondered in the darkness of Kelley’s room, if there would ever be anything in life that would tame Kelley. 

And just like her sleep behavior, Kelley was starting to become her restless self again. The spark had returned. Alex loved it when her girlfriend’s on-edge energy would manifest into a drive into the night all the way up to Berkeley for a 7am love making session that Alex’s morning self was definitely not prepared for, but was most definitely living for. She secretly found herself relishing how quickly she would pull Kelley in after they had a screaming match at the bar when Alex had chastised Kelley for getting into a dangerous fight with a guy that had bought Alex a drink. But what she loved most of all was when Kelley had managed to pull off the weirdest shit like showing up to her games, just hours after her own Stanford matches, with a bouquet of flowers that were different every time. Kelley was unpredictable. 

And somehow this spontaneity from her counterpart was both calming. It was fulfilling. It felt like time really could fix most things. Alex couldn’t really pinpoint the moment that Kelley started to revive again, maybe it was the first time that Kelley had grabbed her hand in public, or maybe when they were in some bar and Kelley protectively and possessively called Alex her ‘girlfriend’ when some guy had shown aggressive interest, or maybe it was that one time when Kelley had come out of the water from her surfing session and in her salty and wet hair glory, there was this huge smile on her face that Alex had not seen in years and Kelley said to her as she looked her straight in the eye, “I want this.” 

Alex didn’t know exactly when Kelley became alive again. But she knew that that smile and that statement was when her own heart started beating again. 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

 

Waking up in her own bed would always be a strange feeling. The hangover had dissipated into the realm of past mistakes, and when she turned to the side to give Alex a morning breath filled kiss that was usually met with protest, she was disappointed to see that side of the bed empty. 

For a second, she hoped that Alex Morgan wasn’t just a dream. 

After she had done her morning hygiene routine, she wandered off downstairs, hoping that Alex would still be there. 

“Hey, it’s like 11 am.” Erin said with a smirk over her coffee mug. 

“Why are you just getting your coffee now?” Kelley asked curiously as she rubbed her eyes, and noticed that Alex was nowhere in sight. “Where’s Al?” 

“I made some for you.” Erin said, meeting Kelley’s gaze. Her eyes beckoned Kelley to join her at the table. Kelley was in a good place, so she decided that maybe she could put her guard down. 

“Alex is out on a run. And I lied. She made this cup of coffee for both of us.” Erin said. 

“Ah.” Kelley took a sip. “Why do I have a feeling that you and Alex want to have a talk with me.” 

“Well, it’s more like I want to have a talk with you, and Alex agrees.” Erin said. 

“Whatcha wanna talk about?” Kelley asked, feeling oddly ready to have this conversation. 

“What isn’t there to talk about, Kelley?” Erin asked with a soft voice. 

Kelley shrugged. “A lot has happened, Er.” 

“Can we start with why you didn’t go pro last year?” Erin asked. 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

“Okay, but like who knew that Georgia could produce some good ass sushi.” Kelley said with a smile as she looked over at her best friend across the candle lit table. 

“Who knew that you could be so fucking romantic?” Alex asked with an eye roll that they both knew meant that Kelley’s charm was working. She rolled her eyes even harder when Kelley had expertly picked up a piece of the food with her chopsticks like a master and had offered it to her. 

“Are you trying to prove to me that you’re good at everything?” Alex asked with a smirk. 

“I’m trying to prove to you that I’d do anything for you.” Kelley’s eyes twinkled.Their knees bumped underneath the small table in between them, and Kelley grabbed Alex’s free hand above said table, never wanting to let go. 

“Kell...” Alex shook her head at the sight of Kelley.  

“What?” Kelley asked, but the knowing smile on her face signaled that they both knew what. 

“Don’t do that unless you’re ready for the consequences.” Alex warned. Her palms started to sweat profusely into her girlfriend’s and it wasn’t the heat from the flame from the candle that was making her cheeks burn. She knew that it had something to do with her newfound appreciation of Kelley’s jawline and the rousing deep and slow way Kelley’s voice tickled her ear when she whispered, “If they involve you without that dress on, then I’m ready for them.” 

Alex savored the fact that the feeling of Kelley’s hands in between her legs felt just as good as (maybe a little bit better) Kelley’s hands in her own when they were out in public. The bedsheets were rough and scratchy from the lack of use, and the fact that her mom had just bought them, but the both of them didn’t mind as they made love in between them. The Morgan’s were out on some camping trip, and the house had been silent except from the gasps and moans of the both of them. Having the house to themselves felt like a treasure, the fact that they were 22 was forgotten as they snuck around like juveniles. 

“Why didn’t we do this back then?” Kelley whispered to Alex underneath the sheet through gasps for air. Both of their hearts were beating so harshly against their skins that the other could feel. The Stanford girl could feel the way Alex’ skipped a beat for a second, and Alex’s hands slipped and let go of her cheek. 

“Don’t do that.” Kelley whispered as she grabbed it and put it back. She melted into Alex’s hands. 

“Looking in the rear view mirror of us, it didn’t make a lot of sense.” Alex whispered back. They both didn’t say why, but they both knew.  

“Does it make sense now?” Kelley could feel her heart beat in her throat when she asked this. Alex’s cool and collected approach to their relationship was in contrast to her possessive pursuit, one that she hoped wouldn’t drive her best friend away. 

Alex ran her fingers through Kelley’s hair as it cascaded around her beautiful face. 

“If I can have you the way that I want.” Alex responded. 

“And how’s that?” Kelley asked as she shifted her weight on her other elbow and tried to search her girlfriend’s eyes that were dimmed and darkened by the cove of their love nest.  

“Kell…” Alex sighed. She looked away. “Let’s not.” 

“Let’s.” Kelley urged. “Why do you do that?” She watched as her girlfriend slipped from underneath her and started to put on the clothes that had been tossed to the side an hour ago. Alex did all she could do to avoid the stare that she knew without having to see for her own eyes, that Kelley was burning into the back of her head. 

“Consequences, Kell.” Alex said. She sighed after she had managed to get her tank top on. 

“What the fuck do you mean by consequences, Alex?” Kelley pushed. The mood had obviously changed, so she picked up her shirt and put it on as well. 

“Kell...” Alex scoffed and she relented. “I want you to stop all of this. I want you to stop being romantic, and stop being so good in bed.” 

Kelley chuckled a little, but she could sense the struggle in Alex’s words. 

“Why?” Kelley asked. 

“Because I’m falling in love with you.” Alex said with her chin her palms. 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

 

Christen looked down at the Nike cleats on her feet that must have costed a thousand if she wanted to put them on the market. She soaked in the sensation of her shoes on the turf of Memorial Stadium and breathed in the chilly air that whipped around her Reign jacket. The cloudy sky spelled the perfect weather for some football for her day. She closed her eyes and breathed in the air. 

“It never gets old, huh?” Ashlyn asked as she walked past Christen and the crate of water bottles on the sideline. 

“I love this.” Christen said with a smile. 

“More than Stanford?” Ash retorted with a playful smirk. 

“More than Stanford.” Christen said with a nod. Feeling a soccer ball against her feet every day and getting paid for it, was definitely better than finishing out her career at Stanford. 

“Kelley’s stupid for deferring.” Ashlyn said with an eye roll. 

“No she isn’t!” Christen said with an excited squeal. “Because if she didn’t, then I wouldn’t be here and you wouldn’t get to see my beautiful face every day as you drink your morning coffee.” 

Ash nodded at that. “I’m just saying, she’s an idiot. She doesn’t really have say in her destiny anymore as the number one draft pick next year.” 

“Finders keepers.” Christen shrugged. “Seattle’s mine now.” And if last year’s NWSL season and her goal scoring record meant anything, there was no argument to that. 

They both waited as the rest of the squad gathered on to the pitch. Christen Press went through the motions of the activation phase of her training, all with a smile on her face as she talked with her teammates. Ashlyn hustled and bustled as the trainers and Laura found tasks for her to complete all throughout the practice. She recorded the heart rate of a player, fixed the gps devices on everyone, and then watched the goalkeeper session from a distance. 

She watched with focus on the hand movements of the head GK coach, and she tried to read the lips of Hope to figure out the coaching points she was giving Kop. Part of her yearned to be over there, but she rested on the goalpost, where she waited for Harvey to give her another task. In the meantime, she would just watch Christen kill it. Shot after shot, Lauren Barnes could not solve the deceptive movements of her best friend and roommate as she sneakily beat the line of defense. 

“Seattle’s yours.” Ashlyn said with confidence when Christen had walked over to her with her pinny soaked in sweat. “Undisputedly.” 

Christen smiled. 

“Stanford’s hers. Seattle’s mine.” Christen offered. 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

 

“Why can’t I love you?” Kelley asked as she looked up. She was kneeling on the floor of Alex’s bedroom, her arms on both sides of Alex’s legs on the bed. Her eyes followed Alex as the woman got up and wordlessly walked over to her closet. 

“Because of this.” Alex said as the leather jacket hit the bedsheets. She tossed it like it was something she wanted to get rid of. Kelley’s head titled at the recognition of the article of clothing. “Loving people have consequences, Kell.” 

“Why do you-” Kelley got up from her knees. 

“You let me use it one time. I just…I don’t know. I think I forgot I had it, and then kept it in my closet. It’s just been here since then.” Alex said with a shrug. The jacket wasn’t the source of the problem though. They both knew what she meant by revealing that it was hidden in the depths of her closet. 

“I don’t want to fall in love with you if this…” Alex sighed. “If this is still a thing.” She regretted saying it, because who was she kidding? It would always be a thing.  

“It’s not.” Kelley said intensely. “Alex. It’s not. It hasn’t been for like two years.” 

“Kelley, I love you.” Alex said simply. “It will always be a thing.” 

“And so will Christen.” Kelley pushed. “And so will Leo be for you, and the guy that you slept with before we actually started dating.” 

Alex pointed at the leather jacket on her bed. 

“THIS. This is who you are.” Alex said passionately. 

“And this-“ Kelley closed the distance between them and cupped Alex’s face in her palms. “Is what I want. This is what I would fight for.” The feeling of Alex’s cheeks on her own as she brought the woman closer felt like vindication of her jaded love life and the mistakes she made when she was a kid. She hoped that the way her girlfriend’s pulse that beat against the lips on her neck was racing because of the butterflies that Alex gave her so often. 

“Why do you even love me?” Alex whispered into Kelley’s ear. “Because you can? Because you’re allowed to?” 

Kelley looked at her with a pain that Alex felt right in her stomach. 

“Why are you being hurtful to me?” Kelley asked when she backed away a little. This conversation quite literally had never been discussed, and it was catching the both of them a little off guard. 

“Because I’m yours, truly.” Alex said so desperately, knowing deep within her bones, that she would never get her heart back from Kelley O’Hara again after admitting that. “And I want to put you through a fraction of the world of hurt that I think a future with you would give me.” 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

“Can we start with why you didn’t go pro last year?” Erin asked. 

Kelley sighed. She took a long and hard look at the woman sitting across from her. She tried to form the words that would tell the tale.  

“Alex and I talked about it.” Kelley said as she took a sip. She looked up to see her older sister smirking. She questioned the reason. 

“I like you and Alex.” Erin said quietly. Kelley couldn’t help but agree. “She’s good for you.” 

“She’s good  _to_  me.” Kelley insisted. For some reason, she didn’t like that Erin felt like she could comment on who was good  _for_ her. Their conversations had been few and far between for the past four years, and now that Kelley was sitting here, the collected memory of her and Erin’s memories together were starting to flood back. She was thankful that Erin relented at her insisted correction. 

“But. I just think that like. I should finish out college. Finish my degree and then go pro. What’s the harm in deferring for another year?” Kelley shrugged. Erin nodded. 

“Absolutely. No problem with that.” Erin reassured. “ I just wanted to know why and..I guess… how you changed your mind? You were so set on going pro, ya know?” 

Kelley nodded. She remembered the nights in Erin’s old apartment in downtown Atlanta, she remembered the years in Alex’s bed instead of hers, and she remembered the woman that said she had the potential to do it all. 

“Dreams change.” Kelley said with a nod. “I’ve changed.” 

“It seems like for the better.” Erin said with an encouraging nod. “You’re not a kid anymore.” 

Kelley looked down at her lap in thought. Being in Georgia, fucking around with Alex Morgan, all of it made her feel like a kid again. But she was close to starting her last semester of her historic 4 year career with Stanford, and the pain from her past was dulled down to a memory that she had accepted was something she could not go back to. She could always take it with her, but it would never be possible to go back. 

“I’m not a kid.” Kelley agreed. 

“Although I will say that Mom and Dad are pretty happy that you’re gonna get a degree.” Erin offered with a smile. “I think that they feel like they won in the end.” 

“Of course they did.” Kelley said as she playfully shook her head. “I guess mother knows best.” 

The heat from their coffee swirled in between them as the oldest sister cleared her throat and she thought long and hard about her next words. Her index finger traced the rim of her coffee cup. 

“I just wanted you to know that...” she looked up at Kelley, “I supported you back then, and I support you now.” 

The youngest sister gulped. Somehow she didn’t know if she believed it. She felt herself crazy for thinking that. 

“If you wanted to go pro, I would have wanted you to go pro. I supported you.” Erin said. 

“You told me to live back with mom and dad.” Kelley said in a calm and even tone. It wasn’t with a fighting bite, because maybe four years had already passed, and because it all was just facts. 

Erin nodded. “But it wasn’t because I didn’t support your dream to become a professional.” She insisted. “I don’t think-I never got a chance to explain that part.” 

“It’s a part of the past.” Kelley said softly. 

“It’s a part of you and I.” Erin offered. “It’s why you don’t invite me to any of your games.” 

Kelley looked away at the sight of potential tears starting to crack at the lines of her sister’s face. “It’s why you lied to me about Seattle offering to pick you up.” 

“I had already decided to not take it.” Kelley defended. 

“How do you think it feels to hear that bit of news from Olivia?” Erin asked. 

“Gross? Why are you still talking to her?” Kelley rolled her eyes. 

“I love you.” Erin pushed. “That news was fucking…MONUMENTAL for me to hear. I’m not mad, I know I don’t deserve to be, but I just- Kell who else in your life was more invested in your professional dream than me??” 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

 

“You should cool it with the tequila. It’s not good for a professional athlete to consume days before a match.” Hope said with a smirk. Her eyes trailed down the smirking lips of Christen Press before she downed the shot. 

“You know she won’t listen to that advice.” Ashlyn said as she downed her own. 

“Oh to be young again.” Hope said with a sigh. But of course that didn’t stop her from calling out to the bartender for six of her own.  

“I’m retired.” Hope shrugged as the two of them looked at her with wide eyes. She downed four in a row before she decided that it was probably best if she acted like 4 oz. of straight tequila actually had an effect on her. 

“So tell me about this disastrous proposal.” Hope said as she sat back in her chair. “Which, by the way I’m really sorry I couldn’t be there for, but from I hear….” She grimaced at Christen, “is something that I’m pretty lucky in missing out on.” 

Ashlyn sighed. She wished that she could forget all of the details that were s inescapably sitting on the top of her mind. 

“She said that it was too soon.” Ash said with a shrug. She called for the bartender to pour her three more. 

“Okay…” Hope nodded along. “You agree?” She listened to her younger friend unravel the details of their relationship that she had heard almost every night for the past year when she had signed Ashlyn on the Reign’s staff. She knew the answer to the question she rhetorically spewed.  _Of course it’s too soon._  

“She said that the age difference was causing a ‘difference in perception in life’” Ashlyn said with air quotes and with an exasperated expression. 

Hope spit out the shot of tequila that was in her mouth because of the laughter that was going to burst through. She choked and she could feel Christen’s hand patting the back of her back to calm her. 

“L-O-L.” Hope managed to croak out. 

“Right? Age is just a number.” Ashlyn looked at both of them for validation. 

“No comment.” Hope said as she downed the last shot she had lined up. Christen just smirked. 

“Okay, is it weird that sometimes I forget about our twisted pasts?” Ashlyn asked innocently. When the guy came around with the shots she ordered, she offered to buy Hope three more. The woman accepted. “Well, your twisted past.” She said as she pointed to Hope. 

“I don’t forget it so…” Hope shrugged as she waited for the alcohol. 

“Yeah I don’t forget it. But I hardly think it’s still an issue.” Christen said with a wave of her hand as she opted to slow down and drink a beer. 

“Oh it’s not.” Ashlyn offered. “That’s why I forget about it.” 

“In fact, Solo. Now that I’m older, and am surrounded by a group of women who throw themselves at you every day at practice, I’m starting to understand 18 year old Kelley. ” Christen said with a playful grin at the sight of a playfully annoyed Hope Solo at the reference of Kelley’s youth. 

“They don’t throw themselves at me.” Hope said. 

Ashlyn and Christen rolled their eyes. It was farthest from the truth and the grin on Hope’s face was something that they both wanted to smack. 

“It’s kind of annoying.” Christen said. 

“I mean, I kind of get it.” Ashlyn said thoughtfully. “I mean back in the day, you were pretty hot.” 

“WERE???” Hope asked with an alert stare. 

“I don’t know..you were like..mysterious and older and okay, whatever, hot. But now that I know you…” Ashlyn said with a shrug. 

“WERE??” Hope repeated. 

“Don’t get your panties in a bunch.” Ashlyn offered. “you still are. But now you’re like in your thirties…so like…I don’t know…you really are older…” 

“Thirties is when you thrive.” Hope said with a playful indignant air. 

“Keep telling yourself that, Solo.” Ashlyn smirked. 

“Whatever, I feel okay. I’m in a good place.” Hope said, just now the alcohol was starting to slowly make it’s presence known. She knew from experience that she still had a long ways to go before she would hit the spot. 

“Thirties do look good.” Christen offered with a smile. 

Hope noticed Christen’s smile linger a little too long, so she downed the last of the shots that Ashlyn had bought her. This was going to become dangerous territory, she could feel it. 

“What time do you have to be at the studio tomorrow?” Hope asked as she looked down at the bar table to avoid the feeling that had passed through her body. 

“Yoga’s dumb.” Ashlyn whined. “Why do you drag me to that?” She pointedly asked Christen. 

Christen smirked before she took a swig of her beer, and Hope hated that the sight was reminded her of Olivia. She had met Olivia when the woman was kind of close to Christen’s current age, and their mannerisms and personality were eerily similar. It wasn’t until a year ago when Christen had arrived in Seattle as the Reign’s replacement number one pick for Kelley, and Christen had hugged Hope at the pure relief at the sight of a familiar face, that Hope had made the connection. The thought of Olivia, and the connection to Christen made Hope shake her head in her ridiculousness. 

“Are you deeply thinking again?” Ashlyn asked. 

“It’s not allowed in bars, Solo.” Christen said. 

“You need to stop thinking.” Ashlyn offered. “It’s time for you to get a woman.” 

Hope felt the eight shots settle into her bloodstream. It was a familiar feeling. She chuckled. “The last thing I need is a woman to get all hung up on.” 

“True. Being single is awesome.” Christen said with a nod. “I gotta pee.” 

The former UNC goalkeeper waited until Christen was out of earshot before she said, “you know, there are women in Washington that could be better than California.” 

The goalkeeper coach looked at her with a deadened stare. 

“You don’t have to keep atoning sins that have been forgiven already.” Ashlyn said with a shrug. 

“What does that mean?” Hope asked as she leaned back in her chair. 

“It means let her go, Solo.” Ashlyn said before she took a swig of Christen’s left over beer. “She’s happy, so you can be happy now, too.” 

The older woman sighed. At this point it was just a frivolous conversation. She could read and sense from the tension in Ashlyn’s shoulders that her younger friend had been waiting quite awhile to tell her this, but what Ash didn’t know, was how many times Hope had this conversation with herself every night for the past two years.  

“Ash. I’m gonna say this once, and I’m not gonna repeat it.” Hope said.  

Ash nodded.  

“I chose her back then, and it’s her turn to choose me.” 

“What if she already made her decision?” Ash pushed.  

“Well, I’ll wait.” Hope shrugged,  

 

 

~~ 

 

 

 

“I don’t need this anymore.” Kelley said as she folded up the leather jacket. She found it so weird that her first instinct wasn’t to breath in the scent of its owner. Because the person who was looking at her so expectantly was the person that had been there all along, not the person that owned the jacket in her hand.  

“I need you.” Kelley fought back.  

“I don’t want you to want me out of rebellion against her.” Alex reasoned.  

“I don’t.” Kelley pushed.  

“I thought- Kell- in the beginning, I thought I could handle being something casual for you when it came to something physical, but now that things are getting for real, I—I don’t think I can handle this baggage.” 

“What baggage, Al??” Kelley asked incredulously. “When have you EVER heard me mention Hope Solo’s name?? I think that’s actually the first time I’ve actually said it it like a year or so!” 

“Exactly! I want to have this conversation. Now. Here.” Alex said with a big gulp.  

“Okay! Ask me anything you want and I’ll tell you!” Kelley pushed.  

 

 

~~ 

 

 

“Why do you love shopping for groceries? Alex asked with a suspicious glare. Nobody in their right mind would love this task, yet Kelley was striding up and down the aisles with purpose, throwing in food into their cart like she knew exactly what meals were going to be produced.  

“Because I love cooking, and how else am I going to cook for you, if there isn’t food at your house.” Kelley said with a smirk.  

“There’s mashed potatoes. You can make your Irish mashed potatoes.” Alex said with a smile. She chuckled at the response it merited from her girlfriend.  

“But really.” Kelley paused when she put the Oreos she grabbed from the shelf and placed them in the cart and took a huge gulp. “I haven’t felt this calm with someone before. I haven’t felt this whole. Like, maybe, as fucking cliché as this sounds, you’ve been that missing piece. Doing everyday shit like this with you, literally gives me the feels. I don’t know, maybe it’s stupid.” 

“It’s not stupid.” Alex said as she slowly peeled back the sticker on the Oreo package and threw one in her mouth for her to think Kelley’s words over.  

“It’s just things that I want to do with someone.” Kelley reasoned. “And if I had a choice it would be with you.” 

Alex chewed the cookie as she rolled the cart forward and heard Kelley’s steps following her.  

“Am I a choice?” Alex asked thoughtfully.  

“I think everyone, everything is a choice.” Kelley said strongly. “Life’s full of good and bad ones.” 

“I guess your other options would be with all those skanky girls you party with, huh?” Alex asked with a smirk. Her face softened though when Kelley kissed her sweetly on the lips in aisle four, next to the special k bars.  

“I wouldn’t make Irish Mashed Potatoes for any other girl.” Kelley said. “You know that.” 

And after these last two years with Kelley, she really did know that.  

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

“Are you going to tell me whatever  _really_ happened that night that you last saw Hope?” Alex asked as they walked to find a checkout line that wasn’t too unbearably long.  

Kelley shrugged.  

“I told her that I didn’t want what we had created, and that I wanted her to undo everything.” Kelley said simply. “I meant that’s basically how it ended.” 

“Well you told me that,” Alex said when she started to unload the food. “But you said there was more, just something you didn’t want to talk about. I haven’t really brought the subject up since back in the day.” 

“Oh.” Kelley found it surprising that she actually had forgotten that there was more. She wracked her brain.  

“I don’t..I think that that was it, Al.” She said seriously. “Like legit, I don’t think that there was more.” 

“Okay.” Alex nodded. Kelley’s matter of fact attitude towards their discussions about Hope settled her anxiety, and she chose to believe her. The way Kelley was wrapping her arm around her and pulling her in closer when she was swiping her card and talking to the cashier, solidified the fact that she knew that she could do this forever with Kelley O’Hara.  

 

 

~~ 

 

 

“How would you feel if I signed with ATL?” Alex asked when they had exited Whole Foods and she had abruptly turned around to face Kelley. It was a questions that she had been eating to ask.  

“I would support you.” Kelley said simply.  

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Kelley stood there chuckling as Alex seriously berated her for a good ten minutes for making her feel all nervous about this conversation. They had many back and forth a about Kelley’s future and, and she had pushed the degree route for Kelley, and now that Heather’s offer was going to come to fruition, she had felt like a hypocrite for wanting to go the pro route.  

“Babe, why would I discourage you from going pro?” Kelley said with a bewildered smile.  

“For same reasons that I told you to finish you’re four years at that awful school?” Alex asked.  

Kelley laughed. “Al, I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love you and your opinion matters to me, but I do have a brain for my own. A Stanford- educated one, might I add.” 

Alex rolled her eyes, just like the tension that rolled off of her body.  

“Wait, so are you telling me to go pro? Like I have a meeting with Heather in like 2 days to give her my final answer.” Alex said gravely.  

“Why not? If it’s what you want.” Kelley said softly.  

“It’s not that simple.” Alex pushed back.  

“Why can’t it be?” Kelley said when she had moved the cart into the direction of Alex’s car.  

 

 

~~ 

 

 

The headaches had become a part of life now. The sunglasses were a trademark of hers. Those closest to her knew that it was not out of fashion, but for the safety of her head in not blowing up from the strength of the sun or any indoor lamps after her nights of drinking.  

“You good Solo?”  

“Huh? Yeah.” Hope automatically responded.  

“You know it’s not really a cool trend to wear sunglasses inside?” Harvey asked. Hope didn’t even really want to process the k owing expression on her boss’ face, so she kept her face blank as she waited for her to give her another lecture.  

“I’m not going to lecture you again.” Harvey said through a sigh.  

_Well that’s a relief._ Hope relaxed a little.  

“I’m just going to tell you to go home and reevaluate if you still want a job.” The boss said with a flippant wave of the hand and walked off.  

_Good. Fine._  

All she wanted to do was go to sleep anyways. Most of their conversations did not end so anticlimactic, but it was a conversation she was used to having. It almost felt rehearsed most of the time. As she got the keys off of her desk and strolled through the reign ‘headquarters’ back to her car, she tried to avoid thinking about when people would start to give up on her. Harvey had settled into a disappointing, yet expectant attitude toward Hope, and the last thing she wanted to do with a heavy hangover was to dissect when her expiration date was.  

“Where are you gong?” She heard Ash call out. 

She waved her hand in response and they both could tell that Hope and her inability to get her shit together or function like a normal human being called for her temporary exiling. She didn’t need to be there anyways. 

“You shouldn’t have bought her those shots.” Christen said with a click of her tongue as she grabbed her bag from the back of ash’s jeep.  

“We shouldn’t be taking her out to drink. Period.” Ash responded darkly as she walked with Christen to the locker rooms. “It’s starting to become a fucking problem.” 

“Well it’s either she goes out with us, or she goes out and does something stupid.” Christen reasoned.  

“But maybe we chill on the alcohol. This is like the 4th time in the past two months that she’s been sent home.” Ash said.  

“Really?” Christen asked in confusion. “Are you sure?” 

“Yes I’m sure.” Ashlyn said with an exasperated tone. “A lot of days I assist with her since Harvs knows that I was a goalkeeper. I mean I’m of better use there anyways than with field practice…” 

“Do you think that it’s becoming a genuine problem?” Christen asked quietly.  

“No, I mean- maybe, I talked to Hope about wanting to get more into GK training instead of assisting with Harvey-“ 

“No- I mean, yeah for sure make your thoughts be known for your career- but like- I meant like about Hope and her drinking.” 

Ashlyn sort of felt guilty as she thought about the answer to that question. Her former coach and current friend was so composed on their nights that they went out. There was literally no sign at all that she was intoxicated, other than the occasional slurred word, but now that ash had a sobered mind to think about it, the woman had had close to 8 shots last night and was standing pretty tall. That was how it was every night that they went drinking. That wasn’t entirely normal.  

“I mean when she’s with us, she drinks a lot.” Ashlyn observed. “And I have no idea how much she drinks after we drop her off.” 

Christen thought about her friend’s statements when she started to dress for training.  Now that Ash had verbalized it, it was kind of true. Ever since she had joined the Reign and had landed in this great city, every occasion with Hope had involved some kind of drink. As she did her activation warm up on the field, she couldn't help but wonder if maybe her and Ash had been enabling to some sort of degree... 

“Do you think that maybe we have to do something about it?" Christen asked quietly when there was a water break and she had managed to find Ash in the midst of all of the training staff. 

"Like what?" Ash asked curiously. "I don't know. How do I tell a grown ass woman to get her shit together? I can't even get mine together." 

"Ash." Christen paused. "Do you think this has to do with Kelley?" 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

"Hey." 

Time was always a strange concept. Seeing Coach Lloyd was...weird now. She hadn't ever seen her since high school. Kelley didn't know if a simple 'hey' back was appropriate for the mood/emotion she was feeling now. She didn't know how to describe how she was feeling. 

"Hi." She said back as she pulled the headphones out of her ear and walked up to her former teacher.  

"How you doing, Cap?" Carli said with a small smile. 

"Erg." Kelley cringed, "No one calls me that anymore." 

"Sorry." The woman chuckled. "Guess it's been awhile huh?" 

And as much as Kelley really didn't want to continue this awkward conversation with this woman that reminded her of her Hope days, it seemed like Carli had something on the tip of her tongue. Kelley had managed to survive through the small talk. She waded patiently through the usual questions about Stanford and college life, about how her mom and dad were doing, about Erin. 

"I uh, heard from the grapevine that you and Morgan are a thing?" Carli asked with a little smile forming on the corner of her lips and a little curious and disbelieving glint in her eye. 

Kelley nodded in response. 

"Interesting." The coach said with a nod.  

"What. What’s so interesting about it?" Kelley asked with a nervous, expectant chuckle. She found her blood starting to warm as the defensive walls in her body were starting to gear up. 

"Oh! I mean nothing really at all! I just-it just makes sense. Ya know? I don't know." Carli added. 

"I guess?" Kelley asked, she was curious now. "Explain." 

"I mean nothing by it, Ca-Kelley. I- yeah I mean I think it's great that you're with Morgan. You guys were always together in high school from what I remember. So...I don't know, I just wish you guys luck." 

"Okay." That's all that Kelley could muster as a response. She couldn't quite put her finger on why she just didn't like what Carli had to say. 

"I hope I didn't push a button." Carli said slowly. 

"You didn't." Kelley said, her thoughts far away. 

"Kell, I-I’m happy if you're happy. I mean, it's literally the greatest news to hear that you're good and that you have a healthy relationship with some-" 

"There it is." Kelley abruptly interrupted. 

"Where what is?" The woman asked in a state of confusion. 

"The thing that makes me so uneasy about this conversation." Kelley said with a knowing shake of the head. "Don't expect me to thank you for causing me so much pain." 

Carli stood there stunned. Her disbelief didn't come from the words from her former student, but from how fiery Kelley still seemed about it all. The words coming out of her mouth were all tales of a good life, and this last statement of hers had a strikingly different tone. 

"I didn't cause it." Carli said cautiously. 

"Don't fool yourself, Coach Lloyd." Kelley said with an unwavering glare. "You ruined your best friend's life." 

"I made reparations with her." Carli fiercely threw back. "Like Morgan did with you. I'm not apologizing for doing the right thing, if that's what you're wanting." 

"Whatever." Kelley muttered. 

"You don't even talk to Solo anymore." Carli called gently to the back of Kelley's O'Hara's head as she started to walk away. She froze. "Why are you mad at me?" 

"How do you know who I talk to?" Kelley spat. 

"I know who you *Don't* talk to, Kelley." Carli said, her tone had calmed down. 

Kelley turned around to face her. 

"How-Do you talk to...her?" Kelley stammered. 

"Every once in awhile." Carli said with a little nod. 

"How is she?" Kelley asked with a furrowed brow. She seemed a little confused as to why she was so curious. 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

Hope looked down at the cracked iPhone that laid there, useless as she felt. Her heavy breathing only came to a calming pace when she had lit up the last cigarette in the pack that was on her dining room table. She had to admit, she was done for. 

The pain was never going to go away. 

Her shoulder would never be the same, never ever. It seemed to be a fix, that cheap surgeon in Mexico had provided something temporary, but she knew that it had ruined something. She couldn't even lift her arm up without biting down the rare tears. She threw her fist against the wall before she poured a drink, something that would numb her whole body. 

She looked down at the cracked phone and could somehow make out on the cracked screen that she got a text. She just poured a drink, knowing that whoever it was, they were never going to save her from this evening with this bottle of scotch. 

She sighed when her phone started ringing. She swiped her finger right across the screen because of the realization that it might have been Harvey. 

"Yeah." She responded as she tried to massage the pain away from her shoulder. It was futile. 

"Solo. Drop everything you're doing and meet ash and I for dinner." She heard Christen's voice through the speaker. 

"What if I don't want to?" Solo asked as she continued to rotate her arm to somehow move the lactic acid. 

"When do you ever have a choice?" Christen asked. 

"I always have a choice. I just pick the wrong one." She didn't mean to make it seem like she was reflecting on her life, but she was. 

"Okay, okay. Whatever just meet us at the usual spot."  

Hope sighed. The thought of showering, and then getting dressed, and then driving felt like maybe all of that was too much. Living felt like too much. 

"Can't talk yourself out it, because you've been silent for too long and I know what you're doing. So stop thinking of a way to get out of it and just meet us at 7." 

Hope sighed. If she was going to get out of the house, she was definitely going to need to that bottle of Scotch. 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

"So... she doesn't own Pike Place anymore?" Kelley asked as she sat down on the grass that made the football field of her old high school. 

"Nope." Carli said. "She sold everything in Peachtree." 

Kelley nodded as she took in the information. It was hitting her that somehow she thought she might have subconsciously known all of that information, but it was another thing to hear it. She hadn't been to Hope's houses or Pike place since the night they had last talked, and Kelley had come to find a once again empty house. She recalled how empty and numb she felt when she had emptied both residences of her belongings. 

"When did she sell it?" Kelley asked quietly. 

"It was pretty much on the market after you left for Stanford." Carli said, so nonchalantly. 

"How did you know when I lef-" 

"Like I said, I talk to her." Carli interrupted. 

"So then does she know how I came back that night??" Kelley looked up at her former teacher for the first time since they started talking about Hope. 

Carli looked at her funny. She blinked several times. 

""I...I don't think so, Kell." She said thoughtfully. 

"Whatever, it was like two years ago." Kelley muttered. 

"Plus, you're in a happy relationship, no?" Carli asked suspiciously. 

"I really am." Kelley said softly, and genuinely. 

"Good." Carli said with an approving nod. 

"I-Is she? In a happy relationship, that is?" Kelley asked curiously. 

"Hope? Nah. But she'll figure her shit out. She's an adult." Carli said with a shrug. 

"You know, so am I, Coach." Kelley said quietly. 

Carli looked at her like it was the first time. Like she was seeing a new person. 

"I guess you are now, huh?" 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

 

"It doesn't have to be weird." Christen sighed. She moved the container of napkins out of her way as the waitress placed the menus in front of them. 

"The subject matter feels like it will be weird." Ash said as she rolled her eyes. 

"Well then, I'll make it less intervention-y and more of a suggestion." Christen replied back. 

"Well, yeah. But how in the world are you going to bring up the subject of Kelley and make it an environment in which I'm not going to cringe?" Ash asked. 

"Dude, I don't know!" Christen cried. "She's a fucking human being, we're just going to talk to her, okay? She's a good friend, and we're all way past the teacher bullshit. I mean she's allowed to be human with us, so..we will let her be." 

"Simple as that?" Ash asked with a smirk. 

"Simple as that." 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

"You're going pro?" Kelley asked softly as she laid her head in Alex's lap. Alex was sitting on the edge of the bed when Kelley had come over, and the look on her face confirmed that her life was about to change. Kelley dropped to her knees and hugged her girlfriend. She didn't want to let go. 

"I am." The Cal forward said with a shaky voice. "I-I have no idea what that means, or fuck, if I'm even going to go back to Berkeley." 

"I don't think I can be prouder of someone as I am in this moment." Kelley said softly. 

"I'm scared, Kell." Alex said softly. 

"Of what?" 

"What if I fall flat on my face?" 

"You won't." 

"What if I'm not cut out for this?" 

"You are." 

"What if I lose everything? What if I lose you?" 

"You can't. You can't lose me." Kelley said with a smile. 

"How can you be so sure?" Alex asked as she stroked the hairs out of Kelley's face. 

“Because I’ve given you my heart.” Kelley said simply. She kissed Alex’s lips. “I don’t don’t ask for that shit back.” 

Alex smiled. She pulled Kelley up onto their bed and she went over every detail that she could remember from her meeting with Heather. She relayed the draft details, the conversation that Atlanta had with her college coach. She talked about how now she was going to have to say goodbye to her teammates. She was going to have to give up the college life.  

“Soccer 24/7?” Kelley asked with a smirk. “Sounds like a good deal to me.” 

“You can have this too.” Alex said quietly. “I know we’ve talked about it on end, but Heather said that you’re pretty much in a position to enter the draft too at this point if you wanted to.” 

Kelley waved it off.  

“I’m going to graduate.” She said. “It’s not my time yet. And I get to decide that. You were right about that.” 

Alex bit her tongue. Kelley didn’t want to continue the conversation. She imagined that Kelley would probably suffer from whiplash when it came to Alex’s point of view on going pro before graduating.  

“Anyways, Heather says that I should get an agent too because sponsorships are going to come my way.” Alex said with a nervous grin.  

Kelley beamed with pride.  

“Dang, Nike is probably going to pick you up like they did Chris.” Kelley said with a smile.  

“By the way, have you talked to Tobs since they broke up?” Kelley asked curiously.  

“Eh. Not so much.” Alex said sadly. “She’s pretty unreachable. Kind of like you were after high school.” Kelley stuck her tongue out playfully in response.  

“She’s kind of just doing her own thing?” Kelley asked.  

Alex nodded. “When did you last talk to Christen?”  

Kelley took out her phone to check. “Well, not in awhile. She been busy obviously. Both she and Ash have joined the real world, so I don’t think they have much time.” 

“I don’t think it’s time, I just think it’s because of me.” Alex said darkly. “Well not with Chris, more of Ash.” 

Kelley sighed.  _When will this stop?_  

She just looked at Alex with a face that signaled hat they better stop with this line of conversation.  

“Okay. Okay.” Alex said s she out both of her hands in the air in surrender. “But you may have to pull through the bullshit and answer your phone.” 

Kelley looked down at the screen and saw Christens face pop up.  

“Weird!” She commented before she answered it.  

“Dude I was just talking about you.” Kelley said excitedly.  

“Um great-Kell what are you doing?” Christen voice came through the speaker. 

“I’m with Alex, you’re on speaker by the way.” Kelley said as she settled closer in to her girlfriend.  

“Ummm...” Christen voice sounded close to tears. “Al, I don’t mean to be disrespectful or shitty, but can you take me off speaker, Kell?” 

The two looked at each other with furrowed brows. Alex just nodded.  

“What’s up Chris?” Kelley asked.  

“I’m sorry Kell. I really don’t mean to start shit, or something. I just- I don’t know how to tell or how to process this information, and I didn’t know if I should tell just you or- like I really don’t know how to do this. I’ve never had this happen so I just didn’t- Like I'm sorry for interrupting your evening- I'm just -“ 

“It’s fine. Are you okay?” Kelley asked, she was starting to get alarmed.  

“I’m fine!” Christen said quickly.  

“It’s just- I’m here at the hospital and like literally I have no idea who to call. She doesn't have family, and I'm at a loss for who to-” Christen was definitely close to tears.  

“Why are you in the hospital?? Who’s hurt? What happened?” 

“Kell.”  

Silence for awhile.  

“Hope got into a car accident." Christen said with a forced steady voice.  

“I don’t know if she’s gonna make it.” 

 


	28. Fuck kid, I hope it’s a good one.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of Hope's accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stick with it. We are almost there.

1 YEAR AGO

 

“WHY ARE YOU A FUCKING IDIOT?!?!” Christen Press’ screams could be heard two halls down. The nurses didn’t know whether to call security or not, because the patient was just staring at the screaming woman with an amused expression on her bruised and cut face that the nurses had so delicately cleaned.

“WE COULD HAVE LOST YOU!” Christen said as she punched Hope in her “good arm.”

“I’m just saying, I agree that it’s the perfect time to have called Tobin!” Hope said as she playfully defended herself, the smirk on her face was at full power.

Christen turned to Ashlyn expectantly. “Am I the only one who is going to yell at her??”

Ashlyn shrugged.

“No! Don’t yell at me. I already have had my share of seriousness and lectures and cry fests!” Hope whined. “Chris, just have mercy on me, look at me.”

“It’s true.” Ashlyn offered. “Look at her.”

“You could have died.” Christen said softly and sadly. 

“I know.” Hope whispered.

“We could have-we might have not been having this conversation if things went the other way.”

“I know.”

“Hope, you could have killed someone else.”

“I know.”

Hope nodded her head in understanding, and she leaned her head back against the scratchy hospital pillow and could see how much Christen was hurting for all of the might haves. She had about 3 broken ribs, almost everything else bruised around them, countless fingers bent the wrong way, a fractured femur, a whiplashed head, and her skin was more black and blue and purple than anything else. Headaches were constant, the painkillers were making her throw up, and Christen’s screams were piercing through the dull pain all throughout her body. And as she laid there, feeling genuinely empathetic toward the pain in Christen’s eyes, Hope knew deep down that she would rather be in this condition, then resting peacefully in a coffin somewhere.

When Christen had gone to get herself, Tobin, and Ashlyn some coffee since they had stayed there overnight, Ashlyn had stepped in to give Hope the real conversation last night.

“You have literally no one to blame but yourself for this.” Ashlyn said quietly as she stood in her spot and looked down at Hope in her bed.

The older woman nodded, the fresh set of tears were flowing, all because of the physical pain and mental anguish at the realization at what she had done.

“I’m thankful that you wrapped yourself around a pole, and not around someone else and their car.”

Again, Hope nodded.

“Chris and I were going to have dinner with you to talk about your drinking.” Ashlyn shook her head at the irony of it all. “But now, I don’t know if you’ve already learned you lesson.”

And she had. The twisted fable she had lived out had brought her to this bed with horrific pain that she never thought possible, and yet, she couldn’t help but smile. She couldn’t help but look at Christen, look at Ash, and even Tobin, and be so damn thankful that she and they were alive. Sometimes she put her hands gingerly over her broken ribs and just breathed. She tried to channel the immense pain as reminders that she was still here, still breathing.

Seeing Tobin was probably the hardest. Hope didn’t really know why. She figured that it was probably because Tobin, this slick and cool human being had marched up to her with red and puffy eyes, and tears that she tried and tried so hard to wipe away, but were perpetually falling, and had looked at her with a terror stricken face. By the time Tobin had shown up, Hope had been bandaged and cleaned up and had been fed a lot of meds, but the younger woman looked like her whole world had fell apart.

“You’re supposed to be indestructible.” Tobin managed to get out. Hope was a little surprised to see her former player here by her bedside, and at first she thought she may have been hallucinating since it had been awhile since she had last seen her and the painkillers were up on a high dosage, but seeing christen in the background, sobbing, made it very real.

“You’re Hope Solo…what-how…”

“Hey she might not be fit to really talk.” Hope could hear Ash in the background.

“I’m good.” Hope croaked. Sighs of relief expelled from all three soccer players. Tobin smiled, and Hope knew that that smile could breed eternal hope and she inched her head a little to the side to look over at Christen. The older woman hoped that they would just get back together.

“And I’m not indestructible. I’m human.” Hope managed to get out. Her mouth was dry and she wasn’t feeling all that comfortable. But she was alive. Hope mostly stared on while her two friends informed her former player of the almost collapsing lung and the internal bleeding, and all of the other details that Hope just wanted to blank her mind on. Watching Tobin go through the stages of emotion was hard for Hope, mostly because the emotions on her face kind of seemed to mirror Hope’s back in the day when she found out that she would never really be the athlete she was after her shoulder injury. It was humbling and devastating.

“I’m going to be okay, though.” Hope managed to put the end to the story. “I’m alive. That’s a fact for now."

It was a fact that she had to embrace and she hoped that she would embrace for the rest of her life. Her bruises, they were painful. Her muscles, they were sore. Her bones, they were broken. But they had saved her lungs, they had saved her heart, and they had saved her life.

“Are you ever going to be able to walk?” Tobin asked.

“Hey. Persecuted but not forsaken. Cast down but not destroyed.” Hope said with a thumbs up.

“That’s deep yo.” Tobin said as she looked at the two other soccer players for agreement.

“Yeah, I’m thinking about putting it as a tattoo.” Hope said with a small grin.

“You should.” Christen said softly. “Life’s short.”

Hope and Ashlyn both looked at Tobin and Christen as they looked at each other when Tobin said slowly, “Yeah, life’s short.”

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

“Babe. We only have 2 more days for this reservation.” Alex whispered into the cotton of the back of Kelley’s shirt. The Stanford girl just nodded, absentmindedly. She could feel her girlfriend’s cheek resting on her back, but her mind, It was in this swirling abyss that produced absolutely nothing. She was useless.

“I don’t want to push you if you’re not ready.” Alex whispered again. “I’m just letting you know.”

Kelley just nodded, again. It had been like this the past 4 days in Seattle. Kelley had been an immoveable statue in which Alex was not sure how to get her how to eat. If it was possible, Kelley was looking a lot skinnier than usual.

It took Alex thirty minutes of coaxing after Kelley had hung up on her call with Christen, before Kelley had managed to get out, “Hope’s dying.”

If she were being honest, Alex didn’t expect Kelley to shut down like she had. Kelley hadn’t really spoken since the call with Christen, other than when she had to. Alex had coordinated logistical details with Christen and even with Ashlyn, and had managed to get this cheap motel that would house them for a week while Kelley sorted out her emotions. It was during the summer, so they could afford to kill a week in Seattle, but Alex was getting more and more worried that Kelley was never going to pick her feet up and go see Hope.

regardless of how Alex felt about the topic of their former coach in the past, the woman had a brush with death, and she wasn’t about to fuck with the fragile morbidity of Hope Solo.

“Maybe you guys should hang out with Tobs, Ash, and me. Let’s have like a sleepover or what the fuck ever. It might make her feel better.” Christen said.

“I will try anything, Chris. She’s just a robot.” Alex said quietly into her speaker as she leaned against the rental car that was right outside their room.

So that’s how she found herself in a Motel 6 with a mini high school class reunion, the former Starr’s Mill Panther soccer team all clinging to pillows bringing over Vhs’ that they had bought from Walmart, ones that would pay on the player in her and Kelley’s room. At first, they had all opted to not drink the cheap Smirnoff’s that Alex had bought, not realizing that it would have been out of bad taste (considering Hope’s life events) but, two hours in, they all opted to crack them open on the condition that they were all sleeping over.

Alex was immensely relieved to see Kelley talking to Tobin, really that she was talking to anyone, and gave Christen a soundless ‘thank you’ from across the room. Christen nodded.

“Thanks for the libations.” Ashlyn said to Alex as she clinked their bottles together. “Can we talk?”

They both found their feet dipped into a questionable pit of water that was supposed to be the pool, when Ashlyn quietly muttered, “I’m really sorry about being a dick for the past year or so.”

Alex sighed.

“Life’s short. I just want to love and love. And I don’t want to fight with anyone. Especially not with adorable Ashlyn Harris.” Alex said with a smile as she rubbed the former goalkeeper’s hair. Ashlyn smiled sweetly in return. “I know that you love Hope and I know that Kelley and I happened so…weirdly-”

“Listen.” Ashlyn interrupted. “I was there when Hope found out about you and Kell. And I was there when Hope and Kelley were a thing back in the day.” Ash sighed.

“And Hope has NEVER, EVER said anything bad or anything negative about your relationship with Kelley, so my “disapproval” was all me. I just took it personally for some reason.”

“May I ask why?” Alex asked quietly.

“At first, I think I just always sided with Hope. No one did. Not even Tobin. And I felt like she needed someone in her life.” She said thoughtfully. “After that shit happened in high school, I just kept tabs on her like Kelley did, and I wanted her and Kelley to end up together. I always have.”

“And you always will?” Alex asked curiously.

“Before all of this, I would have said yes.” Ash nodded. “But when Hope’s eyes had actually opened up for the first time since we had gotten that call from Harvey about the accident, I just realized that we just got this one life dude. Just this one.” Alex nodded heavily at that thought.

“And now, all I want is for everyone to be happy. So if Kelley makes you happy, and you make her happy, then I can get on board with that.”

 

 

~~

 

 

“I heard you haven’t even gotten out of the room.” Tobin said as she pointed at the window looking into their room in front of them.

“I’m out of it now.” Kelley said with a shrug. They were both sitting on the hood of Christen’s car, both half-watching Christen who was sitting on the bed, face-timing her family through the rooms big window .

“She’s been talking to her family a lot.” Tobin observed.

“I guess because she’s shaken up from the accident.” Kelley said as she picked at her nails.

“Are you?” Tobin hit her friend in the knee to get her attention.

Kelley narrowed her eyes just a little. “What do you think?”

Tobin nodded. “You don’t want to talk about it?”

“Nope.” Kelley said simply.

The silence fell in between them for a few moments.

“Can I talk and you just listen?” Tobin asked.

Kelley nodded.

“You know, I’m pretty sure we may have talked about this a couple of years ago, but when I found out about you and Hope back in the day, I was so fucking pissed…obviously. But I never told Hope directly why, I mean other than the obvious. Until the other day.” Kelley looked on in curiosity.

“And I told her that I thought she was God, basically. I mean, I don’t think I had the same exact attraction that you had to her...” They both chuckled. “But anyways, it was just hard for me to accept ya know. Women like her and all those legends drove my existence as a little girl.

And then I grew up a little and learned to just realize that people are people. And it was just overall a fucking grey area, and then I found out that this bitch survived and created a league in Mexico and did all this shit when basically she was a pseudo criminal! And then I heard about how she talked to Anson about getting ready to lose me because she had talked to some big wig in Portland about picking me up. And I know she did the same for all of us basically. And then I hear that she’s casually just a Head Goalkeeper coach for Seattle Reign like it’s no big deal.” Tobin sighed.

“I was just starting to think that she was God again. Like she was just indestructible. Like after everything in her life, she always finds a fucking way to pull through, ya know.” Kelley gulped. She hadn’t quite thought of Hope in this way, and it was twisting her stomach to think about the fact that her and Tobin had looked up to Hope the most back in high school. She questioned if maybe Tobin was a better person for holding on to that love for Hope konger than she did. Kelley started questioning herself.

“And then getting that panicked call from Christen, and hearing her tell me about Hope...that was insane. And then, seeing her in the hospital bed man…makes you think, dude.”

“About what?” Kelley whispered.

“What this life’s about. Ya know? You never know when your day’s going to come.” Kelley looked up from her thoughts and followed Tobin’s stare and smiled when she realized that they landed on Christen, who was making silly faces at her iPhone screen.

“She’s great, isn’t she?” Kelley asked.

Tobin looked knocked out of a trance when she turned back to Kelley and said, “Excuse me.”

Kelley watched Tobin get up and then enter the hotel room. She couldn’t quite decipher the exact words being exchanged. The warm lamp light from inside the room didn’t light the shadows on the midfielder’s face, but she could tell that Tobin was speaking something serious. Christen’s alert face confirmed it.

Then Tobin got on one knee.

Kelley and Christen’s eyes met. They both smiled at each other.

The Stanford girl could definitely read Christen’s lips that said “Yes.”

 

 

 

~~

 

 

Kelley hadn’t felt her body filled with as much happiness as she was feeling now as she sat alone on the car and watched Tobin spin Christen around, encased in the hotel room, in their own world.

“They look happy.” Alex’s voice came from the side. Kelley watched her girlfriend and Ashlyn walk up together, the taller girl’s arm around Alex.

“So do you guys.” Kelley said with a smile.

“So do you.” Ashlyn observed.

Kelley nodded. She felt the tires buck under the weight of Alex and Ashlyn settling down to sit down next to her and watch Tobin and Christen slow dance to some music that all of them knew was just in their heads.

Alex looked down to see Kelley grabbing her hand.

“I want to go see Hope tomorrow.”

 

 

 

~~

 

 

Hope must admit that even though every pain receptor in her body was probably begging her to stop, the thrill of sneaking out of her room and breaking out of a hospital in a wheelchair made her feel like a different kind of badass that she never she envisioned she would be at 32.

When Harvey and the rest of the staff had cleared out of her room at the end of visiting hours, she had spotted a wheelchair that was left abandoned in front of her room, and she set her mind on taking it for a spin the next morning if it was still there. Getting out of bed was a task that she never thought would be impossible until the thirty minutes before she broke out.

Hope knew that she would get reprimanded, but so what. The thrill of the Seattle air and the heavily populated sidewalks that would be a challenge to maneuver through got her giddy. And a challenge it was. Every turn of her wheel caused her a sharp pain in her ribs, and her broken bones in her arm were begging her to just stop. But she wouldn’t.

“Mrs. Solo!” Hope picked up at the pace at the sound of someone who was obviously coming to ruin her day.

“Mrs. Solo!” She chuckled at the thought of the stern talking to she was going to get from this nurse that was wagging his finger at her. 

“You shouldn’t be out here!” The man was looking at her sternly, and Hope felt like a kid. “Mrs. Solo, you need to heal and it doesn’t call for you being out of bed for at least another two weeks.”

“First of all,” Hope put both of her feet on the ground. Somehow she willed to pull her body up into a standing position. She wanted to stand tall against this guy who was looking down at her.

Big mistake.

Her knees buckled and the muscles in her body didn’t have the strength to holder her up. And before she could process it, she felt a small body hold her up.

“It’s Ms. Solo.” Hope had managed to say to the nurse.

“Regardless, Ms. Solo.” The nurse fussed.

“What the fuck, Hope?” Hope looked up to see Ashlyn, Alex beside her, the both of them looking at her with their mouths wide open.

“Oh hey guys!” Hope said with a big grin.

She looked down to see the person holding her up.

“Oh, hey Kelley!”

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

It was a few hours after they had arrived, that the hospital would finally let visitors see Hope. Christen was pretty sure that Hope Solo had been labeled a flight risk since the stunt she pulled in the morning, and she couldn’t help but chuckle and lean farther into Tobin’s embrace at the thought of seeing Hope’s butt through the opening flap from her hospital gown. It was a laugh that she needed since she was the one who had been in the hospital the longest. 

They all waited in the hall while Kelley took a deep breath and then opened the door to Hope’s room. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Hope said with a soft smile. She took in the sight of Kelley, a sight unseen for another two years. At least in person. It didn’t go unnoticed by her how Kelley was still standing by the door. 

“It’s weird seeing you in a hospital bed.” Kelley said. Her voice was a bit robotic. 

“It’s weird being in one.” Hope said with a chuckle. The older woman tilted her head in observation when Kelley didn’t return her light banter. 

“Have a lot of people visited you?” Kelley asked after a pause. She had not given it much thought until now, and she grew more thoughtful at the realization that a lot of people actually had come and visited her. The entire Reign team and staff had, some former players of hers that were in the area had heard about it and had came and visit. 

“Carli, Syd and Paul are coming next week.” Hope said lightly. 

“Good.” Kelley said before she swallowed her nerves and started folding the hem of her shirt. 

“Hey.” Kelley looked up and met the woman’s eyes at Hope’s call. 

“Come here.” Hope said softly. And her heart melted a little when Kelley took big steps, and with no hesitation climbed onto the bed and held Hope strongly. So strongly that she was sure that she going to break another rib. 

“I’m sorry!” Kelley said through her tears eyes.  She ran her hands along the cast on Hope's arm and her fingers all along the bruises. She laid her head on Hope's chest gingerly. It was like the last words she had spoken to this woman had not been filled with venom.

Hope felt a little pain from the deep breath of relief or whatever this powerful emotion was that was coursing through her body. Her palm felt the softness of Kelley's hair and the nerves that hadn't been killed off from the accident, were feeling all the feels that Hope could ever have, having Kelley in her arms.

"You look a lot older." Hope said with a chuckle when Kelley had pulled away to look up at her.

"So do you, old woman." Kelley said with a chuckle of her own.

The laughter died down and the conversation turned into what happened and what had caused Hope to be in this condition. The details were kind of fuzzy but Hope did the best she could do. She tried to avoid the topic of her drinking, but it was clear that Christen had filled her in when Kelley had fiercely inquired about it.

"Why were you being stupid?" Kelley asked when she grabbed Hope's hand and nervously played with it.

"I don't know." Was all that the older woman said. There was no point in saying the real reason. There was no point on dwelling on the pains of not having the person you really wanted, especially when they were right in front of you desperately trying to validate that you weren't hurting, nor of the earthly pain of her shoulder. There was no point anymore. She was alive.

"Are you going to stop? The smoking and the drinking?" Kelley asked quietly.

"I am." Hope nodded. "But enough about me. How are you and Alex?"

That had caused an understandably uneasy shift in Kelley's posture. The younger woman nervously ran her thumbs over the top of Hope's hands and the deep cuts that penetrated the surface of her fingers.

"I don't know-I don't know if I can talk to you about that just yet." Kelley said without meeting Hope's stare.

“That’s okay.” Hope quickly offered. “You don’t have to tell me anything.”

She could see the way Kelley was struggling to get something out. And maybe because of her latest life event, the last thing she wanted was to see Kelley struggle. 

“Hey. Life is short. Like I said, don’t tell me anything that you don’t want to. Can you tell me the good things happening in your life that you can talk about?

“I found out that you’re alive.” Kelley said when she put her head back on Hope’s chest. 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

“So when is the wedding?” Ashlyn asked with a wide grin that spread from one ear to the other. It was met with giggles that she would have normally felt were disgustingly annoying, but the pen-marked black ring around Christen's left ring finger, made Ashlyn reevaluate the things that she should appreciate in her life. The way Tobin was looking at the Reign player, it was like she found the purpose to life. The way Christen looked at the sloppy black ink around her finger that was dangerously close to being rubbed out from the sweat from her hands, made Ash realize what was most important when it came to love.

"We're thinking a long engagement." Christen said after she planted a kiss on her fiancé’s lips.

"No specific date. Just waiting until I go pro and make my own money too. Wait till we find out where I end up." Tobin said, her eyes never leaving Christen.

"What happened to not wasting time?" Alex asked with a smirk. "Life's too short? Do shit now?"

The two newly engaged couple stared into each other' eyes and seemed to be having a nonverbal conversation that probably no other person on this earth would be able to understand.

"I have her. She has me." Christen said softly. "That's what matters."

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

"Why aren't you with someone?" Kelley asked as she looked down at her hand in Hope's.

Hope let her head fall back into the back of her bed and tried to massage the aches that were creeping up her neck. She really didn't want to talk about her love life or lack of to the very person that was inquiring about it, but really there was nothing left to lose.

"Is it stupid to say that I've been holding out on the mere chance that you and I would still be a thing?" Hope asked with a sigh. She expected the dumbfounded expression plastered on Kelley's face. The younger woman shook her head of any emotion after a few seconds.

"Listen," Hope could tell that Kelley's reaction was not going to go the way she had hoped for, "I realized something within the past few days. Can I share it with you?"

Kelley nodded. Thankful that she didn't have to talk.

"That night that I last talked to you, I wanted to leave everything behind. I didn't want to remember my mistakes and the ghosts that they came with."

"Was I a mistake?" Kelley asked with a furrowed brow.

"Isn't that how you see me?" Hope asked with a playfully narrowed set of eyes that were not meant to hurt.

And Kelley hated how Hope was able to see right through her. Even with basically 4 years of never seeing Hope, she had to question how the woman was able to read the stiffness in her posture, and know exactly what was in her heart and mind. But looking at Hope now, Kelley didn't know how she could think that this woman was a mistake. These few seconds of existing in Hope’s presence sort of felt unreal. They were starting to rattle her bones and stirring up emotions about past decisions. _I don’t know if I would call them mistakes._

"Kell, it's been two years since I last saw you. Four since I've had a real conversation with you." Hope said simply. 

"I'm sure by now, you've realized that I was a mistake." Hope said softly.

"You're not." Kelley quickly interjected. "I mean- you're right. I did – I have been seeing you like that. But...seeing you now..." She shook her head.

Seeing Hope now, in such a different way than she has ever seen her before, was starting to make her feel guilty for drawing Hope in a way that almost seemed unfathomable in this moment. This woman was broken.

"I wasn't here. I don't blame you." Hope said quickly.

"Hope, I'm so sorr-"

"Stop." Hope said with a shake of her head. "Let me finish." The younger woman nodded, her insides twisting.

"I left Peachtree, thinking that we were a mistake, knowing full well that you felt the same. So I built a life up here thinking that if I couldn't erase everything in Georgia, that I could at least put a great amount of distance in between me and that state. And I think I felt pretty content about being angry about everything and about you until Ash called me." Kelley was surprised to hear that.

"When she told me that she was dropping out and looking for a job and for a place to stay, I took her in. And fuck, I hated how much having her around reminded me of the life I left behind. It was making me think about how much I loved you back then...how much I still love you." Hope sighed. 

“I remember when she stood up for me back when you guys were still in high school. She’s a loyal kid, and I love her to death.” Hope said with a small smile.

“And I don’t know. I don’t think I was going through the easiest of times. My shoulder was basically fucked up, not that it really matters now because look at me, but that on top of being reminded of you, I don’t think I really dealt with all of it. But those reminders were brutal, and daily, and I think that I just formed the idea to hold on to you. I told Ash that I would wait it all out. I would wait for you. And wait for you to really choose me.”

Kelley didn’t want to think about how Hope would react knowing that she hadn’t been waiting for Hope. 

“But, after this,” Hope waved down at her body, “after almost losing it all, I’m not going to do that anymore.”

The younger woman looked up from her focused stare on the hospital bedsheets. Those words struck something unsettling in her. She had no knowledge that Hope Solo had been waiting for her, not really, and to hear this had made her feel hollow. She had looked up to see Hope smiling softly. 

“Ash tells me that you’re happy with Alex. Like really fucking happy. So does Christen.” Hope said as she squeezed Kelley’s hand. “And as I’m looking at you now, even if you were to choose me, I wouldn’t ask you to.”

Kelley gulped. For the past two years she didn’t really know that there was a choice to be made by her. As far as she was concerned, she had been under the impression that Hope had made the choice for them. She had cleared out her belongings from Peachtree two years ago, just like she had four years ago. To Kelley, it seemed like Hope had always chosen for them. And to hear the woman say that she had been suffering because of a different perspective, because of an unfortunate lack of communication,  Kelley felt like throwing up. 

“Are you okay?” Hope asked gently. 

“I came back that night.” Kelley slowly stood up from the bed and bit the sides of her nails. “That night that I told you that I didn’t want this. I came back.”

Hope opened her mouth and then closed it again. Her eyes scanned Kelley’s face back and forth. And then she shrugged. 

“I didn’t know.” She said simply. “But it doesn’t undo what’s happened since then.”

“Doesn’t it change things a little?” Kelley tried to keep her voice even. 

“Does it change the way you feel about that girl out there?” Hope pointed towards the door, and they both knew who they were talking about. “Does it change how much you love her?”

“No.” Kelley said slowly. 

“I didn’t expect it to.” Hope said softly. 

“Kell, I love you. I always will. And you don’t have to feel the same way.” Hope genuinely reassured. “Before this accident, I thought that you had to. But your life’s just beginning and _fuck kid_ , I hope it’s a good one. I really fucking do.

“And you may not look at me the same way you did back in the day, and that’s okay, but I know that you loved me back then. And I can walk away and take that with me. After all this shit I’ve been through, and all these people I’ve been with, knowing that for a time that you loved me…that’s enough.

“I’m in my thirties now. I’ve lived a _fucking_ life so far, and quite honestly I’ve taken it for granted.” Hope sighed. “And I know now, that I can’t sit around waiting for what’s never going to come.”

Kelley didn’t want to hear more of this. She could feel herself starting to shut down like she did a few days ago. 

“Hey. Don’t go anywhere.” Hope said as she nudged the smaller girl in the arm. She brushed the hairs from Kelley’s face, hoping that she could coax Kelley back to the real world for a few more seconds. 

“What I’m trying to say…is that I don’t expect you build your life with a 32 year old. And it’s notfuck fair of me to expect you to. And I don’t think it diminishes what we had in the past. So…live out your future. With Alex, with whomever. And you can include me in it if you want, but you don’t have to. Just make it amazing. Because it’s just really short.”

Kelley had managed to listen though all that Hope had to say. She had survived the silent seconds that felt like a million years while she stared at Hope and felt like the world had not treated them kindly. Now at 22, with Hope Solo in a hospital bed before her, she really hated the world for making their relationship lustfully and torturously impossible. 

“I love you.” Kelley said. “I still do.”

Hope nodded, “I’m always going to love you.”

“You taught me what love is.” Kelley whispered. She quickly wiped away the tear that fell. 

“Apparently I taught you what heartbreak is, too.” Hope added gently. 

“Hope.” Kelley shook her head a little as she fidgeted nervously with the folds in the sheets on her bed. “First cut really is the deepest. And I don’t think I’ll ever love someone the way I did you. I was such a fucking idiot when it came to the way you looked at me.

“I would have done absolutely anything for you. And not like that bullshit that married couples say to each other.” Kelley met the older woman’s eyes. “You know, that I meant it. Anything.”

Hope nodded. She knew. 

“Can you stop there?” Hope said, her voice cracking a little. She smiled through the pools of moisture forming in her eyes. 

“Can I just hold onto that? I already know the rest. Please?” Hope asked again. 

“Please, Kelley?” Hope begged when it looked like the younger woman was going to say something.

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

PRESENT DAY

 

Rutgers wasn’t really where she had envisioned herself ending up. Stanford, California was kind of hard to beat. The weather, the facilities, and not to mention her popularity, she learned, would probably never ever be replicated.

There had been talks of Sky Blue picking her up, but she didn’t really think that it would become a reality. Sitting on the roster at a starting spot and as a defender in her rookie year was quite literally the definition of depressing.

“It makes sense that they’re going to put you back there.” Alex said when ATL and Sky Blue had a match is Piscataway a few weekends ago. 

“It’s fucking bullshit.” Kelley muttered. Of course, the national team was transitioning into a formation that required speedy and fit wingbacks that really fit Kelley perfectly, but she couldn’t help but feel like this was quite possibly the shittiest way she could start her professional career. She had no idea what it meant to be a defender, and the fact that BOTH club and country was expecting her to perform as one, well that was fucked up. 

“Why are you doubting yourself?” Alex asked seriously as they both laid in her bedroom, one of the five bedrooms that made up this house that her and some of her teammates lived in. 

“Because I don’t know what I’m fucking doing.” Kelley said with a deadened expression.

“You’ll get through it.” Alex pushed. 

She didn’t understand. And Kelley didn’t really expect her to. Their careers were on the completely opposite sides of the spectrum. Their performances were level, and Kelley still had made a very impressive debut in a position she had never played before, and she really did all she could do on an individual basis. But she couldn’t really control that her team wasn’t stacked with the strongest internationals, the most qualified coaching staff, nor the crowd that actually loved Soccer. 

Alex on the other hand, was a second string number nine with a modest goal scoring record, companies begging to throw sponsorships at her left and right because of her pretty face, and the backing of ATL’s pretty devoted Soccer crowd. They were second to Portland. 

The professional environments for the two were polar opposites. Kelley’s surprising success as a defender didn’t rally as much popularity as the success of a forward and as much as she didn’t want to admit it, she didn’t know how to handle not getting praised.  

“Maybe you should talk to Hope about it.” Alex said gently. 

“Maybe.” Kelley said with a shrug. It wouldn’t have been the first time she would be calling Hope in the middle of a breakdown. In fact it wouldn’t have been the first time this month. Her phone calls to her former soccer coach were pretty frequent this season. 

“I hate playing you guys.” Kelley said quietly. 

Alex didn’t respond. She didn’t have productive words to offer her girlfriend. It was understood (and discussed) that they would respect their relationship enough to leave the competitive lives on the field, and honor it. If they fouled each other, the tension would disappear after the whistle, when one team lost, the other would give space for the other to process.  Of course, the losing team always really ended up being Kelley’s team, and the only thing Kelley ever got to hold onto was that she still managed to score goals from the back line, especially against ATL. 

So now, in Kelley’s bed, Alex just snuggled up to her girlfriend to give her the comfort that she still could offer as her girlfriend. Kelley let out a heavy breath of comfort and then she breathed in the scent of Alex’s hair. 

“Good luck tomorrow.” Kelley said affectionately. “But I’m going to fuck wreck your shit up tomorrow, Morgan.”

Alex chuckled as she held Kelley closer. 

“Scoreboard, Kell. Scoreboard.”

 

 

~~

 

SKY BLUE VS ATL

Kelley gripped her blue jersey tightly and aggressively wiped the sweat on her face. She slapped the hands of those ATL players a little harsher than usual. She saw Alex making ember way towards her, but for some reason she couldn’t handle it this game. Kelley swerved to the left and found another player to slap hands with before she made her way to the lockers. 

_Not right now, Al._

The penalty that she had cost Sky Blue in the 63rd minute for a slide tackle on Alex that she and everyone in the crowd thought was clean had ruined her night. 

And usually Alex wasn’t the penalty taker, but when she had put the ball down herself and had lined up to take it, Kelley already knew her girlfriend was going to make it, and she felt like it was personal. Kelley felt like Alex’s winning goal was personal. 

Hope: why should she apologize? 7:28pm

Kelley: cuz its fucked up 7:31pm

Hope: you’re mad because you lost. 7:35 pm

Hope: you need to get over it because it just a game. 7:35 pm

Kelley: it’s not just a game. It’s a career now. 7:35pm

Hope: it’s still a game, Kell. 7:37pm

Kelley read that last text over and over again. She had showered and had completely changed and was on her way to her house on the beach, knowing that she was going to come home to Alex waiting for her. 

She ran her fingers through her hair and was ready to really just call it a night. When she parked her car in the driveway she could see Alex sitting down on the porch. In the darkness, she could sense Alex’s worrying from inside her car. 

She stepped out of her car, slowly and she watched the way Alex was slowly standing from her spot. 

“Are you okay?” She beard Alex’s voice call out. 

And when Kelley looked at Alex Morgan staring at her with an apprehension that she shouldn’t have been harboring, Kelley realized what Hope Solo meant. She walked over to Alex and kissed her in the lips. 

“It’s just a game, babe.” Kelley said softly. 

 

 

 

~~

 

REIGN VS. SKY BLUE

 

“Don’t be mad at me.” Kelley whispered through her heavy breaths and the sweat that coated her face. She held Christen close while she gave Ash a high five. 

“I’m mad.” Christen said, equally as exhausted as Kelley from that match. They didn’t talk about it much afterwards, but they both knew that the Reign player was going to be fine. It was just a little knock to the ankle, nothing that the bag of ice that Ash had brought over wouldn’t fix. 

Everyone loitered along the turf of Memorial stadium, mostly barefoot and their shin guards somewhere along the 120 yards. 

“Can I just say that polo’s are really lame and why do you have to wear one?” Kelley said with a chuckle while she guzzled her post-game cocktail. 

“It’s professional.” Ashlyn said with an upturned nose. 

“Hope’s not wearing one.” Kelley said as she pointed at the woman who was chatting with Pia, the National team head coach who had expressly to Kelley that she was going to watch out for her performance specifically. 

“Yeah well she’s like a senior member so she can basically do whatever the fuck she wants.” Ashlyn said with an eye roll. “It’s not fair.”

“Clearly.” Kelley said as she observed the way it looked to see Hope talking to the USWNT head coach. It was clearly a meeting of the minds. Mutual minds. 

Within an hour or so, the field has cleared of all players and staff, and after a long night, Kelley found herself being jolted awake in the backseat of Christen’s car. 

“Dinner! Don’t fall asleep yet!”

She groggily tried to wake herself up before she followed Ash and Chris into a restaurant that was relatively empty. They took a booth that was secluded in the corner. 

“You played good.” Ash said cheerfully. 

“We fucking lost.” Kelley said bitterly. She leaned her against Ash’s shoulder in case she were to fall asleep.  

“Yeah But you’re sky blue. Shouldn’t you be used to that by now?” They all looked up to see Hope hopping in right next to Christen. 

“That’s harsh, solo.” Kelley said right back. But she sat up a little straighter, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep now that Hope had joined them. 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

ATL VS SKY BLUE

 

Kelley found herself sitting on the counter of Erin’s kitchen, her eyes narrowed as she watched her sister hug Olivia goodbye. The younger sister sipped on her morning protein shake and swung her legs, envisioning that she was kicking the woman who had just left. 

“So are you excited for the game tomorrow?” Erin asked when she grabbed the coffee pot and poured herself a cup.

"I'm excited for the day that you stop hanging out with her." Kelley said with a light tone. She knew that Erin would just brush it off, and they both resorted to the fact that Kelley would have to get over it eventually. The older sister just responded with an eye roll, and Kelley took a second to get over the biological disgust she felt at the sight of the raven haired woman.

"You stressed, Cap?" Erin asked softly.

Kelley chose to ignore the feelings she felt at the sound of that old nickname. After all, it was her sister and she had found herself seeking out Erin instead of her parents for a place to stay for the weekend that she had a game against Alex's team. Kelley couldn't really explain why, but she figured that she just needed someone who was actually going to support her. When Erin had squeezed her so tightly in her driveway and squealed in delight, Kelley lamented at the years she spent without Erin's love.

"Er. I think that I may not be good enough." Kelley said seriously.

"Kelley O'Hara? What are you talking about?" Erin asked sarcastically with a wave of her hand.

"I've been thinking about it for the past few weeks." Kelley said as she chewed on the chunk of banana that didn't get fully blended in her smoothie. "I think that I'm not good enough to get my squad to playoffs."

"Well no shit, Kell." Erin said with a burst of laughter.

Kelley had a stony expression.

"Babe! Don't be mad! I'm just being honest! I mean you were first pick, of course you're going to be drafted by the shittiest team. That's how it works!" Erin said with a little bewilderment that Kelley had taken that statement personally.

"This is my career now, Erin." Kelley said with another eye roll.

"This team is your temporary." Erin pushed back. "You can't tell me that you're not looking at the bigger picture."

"If I can't make things better at Sky Blue, everyone is going to doubt my ability." Kelley said, a little irritated with her older sister's attitude to the thing that defined her life.

"Everyone? Or are you just talking about yourself?" Erin asked pointedly.

 

\--

 

"This is fucking bullshit." Kelley fired off to anyone and everyone when she had seen the red card shown to her. The ref was shit, this game was shit, and the crowd that had cheered so loudly for her when they had announced her name from the lineup was shit. She had been given the captain's armband since it was her hometown, but she tore it off with anger and let it drop somewhere on ATL's turf as she made her way off the pitch. 

Her rage was too powerful for her to really feel the empathetic pats on her back from her teammates. She could see Alex coming her way to possibly intercept her, but right now was not the time. In this moment, it was not just a game, and Kelley wasn't too sure if she could maturely handle this moment with Alex. Instead, Kelley held her hand up to signal her girlfriend to stay away from her. Alex obeyed.

She knocked the water bottle that some trainer had offered her out of his hand. She roughly brushed off Holly's consoling arm around her shoulder and tried to ignore the jeers directed towards her when she stalked to the locker room.  Every one of the staff members could feel the rage steaming off of Kelley's skin, and she was left alone in the locker room.

The silence enveloped her. 

She cried for the first time in a long time. 

 

 

\--

 

 

"I always thought that I would love that attitude as a fan. I was right. Hated it as your coach, though."

Kelley looked up to see Hope standing in the doorway of the visitor of the locker room, leaning so casually. Kelley's stomach knotted at the sight. She gulped.

"Do you just know fucking everyone in women's soccer that you're allowed to do and be wherever you want?" Kelley asked with a little chuckle that she hoped would abate some nerves that were firing off in her body. She was still very much enraged, but for some reason she found it both a surprise and something inevitable to find Hope Solo talking to her after a red card. It was just like old times.

"Pretty much." Hope said with a nod. The older woman limped across the locker room and sat on the bench next to the locker that Kelley was pulling her warm up stuff out of.

"What are you doing here in Georgia?" Kelley asked curiously. She put her warmup pullover over her head and searched the woman's eyes.

"Eh. I live here and Seattle." Hope said with a shrug.

"Are you here to lecture me?" Kelley asked.

Hope looked at her like Kelley was insane.

"You're a grown ass woman. I don't need to lecture you." Hope said with a chuckle. "I'm just here to make sure that you don't damage any ATL property because we both know that Sky Blue aint paying you shit. You can't afford it."

Kelley rolled her eyes, but she felt herself smiling a little. She wiped the sweat from her face and then sat down next to her former coach.

"I fucking lost it." Kelley whispered.

"You did." Hope said with a little grin and an accompanying nod to her head.

"Hope, I..." Kelley wiped her face in frustration, "I'm losing it. I'm angry, I'm pissed, I'm dissatisfied with fucking everything. I'm--" Kelley slammed the locker behind her with her elbow. "It's shitty. Being a professional is shitty."

Hope had heard Kelley say these words over the phone, but she could really see the rage and frustration oozing out of Kelley's every pore. She let the younger woman continue, because she could remember how this felt way back when Hope got paid to play.

"I feel like anything and everything I do isn't good enough. And sometimes I fucking want blow up at my teammates for being so fucking...And I foul so fucking much because I'm either A. fucking pissed off or B. I have no FUCKING CLUE ON HOW TO BE A GODDAMN DEFENDER!!!!"

The echo from Kelley's voice was still vibrating when she put her head back against the locker.

"You know, Sydney and I had a bet on how long it would take you to get ejected from a game for the season." Hope said with a small grimace.

"Assholes." Kelley said with a shake of her head. Hope chuckled, and the younger woman looked at her semi-playful exasperation and confusion of her laughter.

"What??" Hope asked with disbelief.

"This is serious Hope!" Kelley said trying to bring the moment back to a serious level.

"Do you want to do something else?" Hope asked.

Kelley looked at her like she was crazy.

"Then that's the answer to all of your problems and your hesitations, and to your craziness." Hope said simply. Kelley groaned. "I’m serious! Listen, every match, you give It your all. No one questions that. And if you want to know if Pia sees that or any other head coach, they do. So relax. And that's why Syd and I had a bet. I see you. I know what you're going to do every time you go on the pitch, I knew you were bound to get ejected."

"How do you know?" Kelley asked.

"Kelley O'Hara. I know you." Hope said. 

"I coached you when you were a kid." Hope smirked.

"Creeper." Kelley joked. That definitely lightened the mood and it found Hope chuckling and shaking her head at the same time.

"How are you though?" Kelley asked when their laughter died down. "Is your leg better? Is your shoulder still...together...and in place?"

"I'll be okay." Hope responded softly. "I'm alive. That's all that matters."

"How are you just so different...yet just so the same?" Kelley asked as she searched Hope's eyes.

"How am I different?"

Kelley smiled at her. "You're just so happy all the time, now. It's good. It's intense." The older woman nodded and her grin was so big.

"Why is that?" Kelley asked with a smile plastering the corner of her mouth. "What's making you so happy?"

Hope looked at her for a beat too long for it to have been something trivial, Kelley thought.

But before Hope could respond, the field manager for ATL stadium opened the door and beckoned her to report to the sideline for the conclusion of the game.

"Duty calls." Hope said with a smirk.

 

 

~~

 

First NT Call up – 34 months from London Olympics

 

"What the fuck??? Paul??" Kelley said without thinking. She immediately put her hands over her mouth when she realized that she had said that out loud. Her teammates giggled and she offered a mouthed apology to Pia. Only Alex and Tobin seemed to have a similar (wordless) reaction to seeing 'Paul Rogers' on the slideshow beaming bright behind Pia's head.

"As Kelley so eloquently put it, the official change in staff is in effect for our goalkeepers-" Kelley tuned out the rest. She met eyes with Tobin. They were equally surprised to see Hope' best friend as the U.S Women's National Team's Head Goalkeeper coach.

When they had a break, Alex grabbed Kelley by the hand and spun her around. "Is that the Paul that worked at our club??"

Kelley nodded. They both shared their surprise at the news and then Alex slowly asked, "Do you think that Hope was in the race for that spot?"

Kelley shrugged. Really, she had no idea. The last time she had spoken with Hope was from her red card match, and she was pretty adamant that if Hope was thinking about making that move, that she would have A.  gotten that position or B. told Kelley.

The two had managed to have a weirdly deep connection with conversations that were sporadic throughout the year. It mostly centered on Kelley's emotional breakdowns around her professional career, but Kelley felt like hope would have told her. She felt confident about that.

"You should ask Hope if she knew about Paul's new job." Alex said as she nestled into Kelley's chest as they both laid like vegetables in the hotel room that Alex was technically not supposed to be in since she had already got a reputation amongst the staff as someone who likes to sneak out (obviously to see Kelley).

"You text her. My phone is on the charger." Kelley said lazily. She laid her head down on Alex's hair and held her tighter.

"Ugh, I'll get it." Alex said when she broke from her girlfriend's embrace and snagged Kelley's phone from the cord and then resumed her position in between Kelley's arms. The now-defender watched as Alex navigated to her conversation with Hope and type out a text.

"Aw! I love that her and Syd put a bet on me scoring on that Portland game!" Alex said with delight as she scrolled up to read past texts between the Head GK coach for the Reign and her girlfriend.

"Ugh. Tell her that her betting is probably going to turn into a problem." Kelley said with a chuckle. 

"Done!" Alex said after she sent the text. Kelley chuckled because that text from Hope was probably from months ago.

"I'm really happy that you still talk to her." Alex said softly as the mindlessly watched trashy reality television. Kelley kissed her on the head.

 "Oh yeah? Why's that?" Kelley asked.

"I don't know." Alex shrugged. "Maybe because you're doing so much better than when you made your debut. I'm glad that you guys found a middle ground. Because if you hadn't, I probably would have murdered you by now for all of the fouls you committed on me." Kelley rolled her eyes, but brought Alex in closer.

For the next 30 minutes, Kelley just stared at Alex and formed some serious thoughts in her head. Her heart started to beat a little quicker, as her thoughts became a little more cohesive and put together. She stared at the brown hairs on Alex's head and wondered how much longer she had in this life to breath in its scent. She ran her thumb over the soft skin of Alex's arms and thought about if her life were to be cut short, would she always be appreciative of how the sensation calmed her mind. She listened the snorts and laughter from her girlfriend, and wondered how many times in her life she had heard it, and how many times she would hear it more.

"Kelley, why is your heart beating so fast? Alex asked as she turned around to look at her.

"Alex, I love you." It came out like vomit, it kind of startled the girl.

"I know." Alex chuckled. "I love you, too."

Kelley felt like now she understood what Tobin felt when she had proposed to her long time fiancée.  

 

~~

 

 

"Well hello Mr. Rogers." Kelley said when she approached the tall bald guy at the end where Kop was making her way to.

"Oh shit, here comes trouble." The man boomed. His laughter and his cheer were infectious and everyone loved him. He gave her, Alex, and Tobin a hug. All of the players lounged or sipped on their pre-workout. They all caught up in the half hour they had before training started. He inquired on how Tobin and Christen were doing. He asked Alex how her bruised ankle was, and when he turned to Kelley, he didn't even ask. He just smiled. She figured that Hope had probably filled him in on how she was doing. She tried to not think about how she was nothing but trouble for his best friend back in the day. 

"O'Hara." Pia called. Kelley politely drifted from the conversation.

"Forward session today." The coach said.

"Excuse me?" Kelley asked timidly. This was far from her first camp with Pia, but her rookie club year didn't make her feel like she could talk to Pia like a veteran.

"You're part of the forward session today. Tomorrow, the back line. But today, up top." Pia said simply before she walked away.

"Is this because I have a shot for that spot?" Kelley called after her.

Pia just responded with a wave of her hand.

 

 

~~

 

 

Kelley stayed quiet while she held that information to herself. She physically joined the Peachtree reunion circle, but she found herself feeling a weird feeling.

"Yeah, well Pia told me that the forward pool was going to get a little bigger this camp, but since Chris is nursing that foot injury, I'm actually a little interested to see who the competition is going to be." Alex said with a little chuckle.

Kelley felt her stomach twist. That weird feeling turned into momentary nausea.

"Yeah. Hope told me that she was pretty put out after that game with Houston. Last time I talked to her I remember her saying that Press was in the rehab room or something like that." Paul said with a nod. "That's unfortunate."

"Yeah, she's pretty bummed." Tobin said a little sad.

"Did Hope say when her timeline to return is?" Alex asked.

"Nah." Paul said with a shake of his head. "I think I got her on the phone before she was going to board a plane to Georgia, so I couldn't really talk to her for long."

"Oh yeah! Hope said she lives back in Peachtree right?" Tobin asked a little excitedly.

Kelley furrowed her brow. She knew that Hope kept in touch with all of them, but she was a little surprised that Tobin knew that piece of information, too.

"Yeah!" Paul said with a smile. "Spends every other weekend back in Peachtree with her wifey."

_What?_

Tobin spit out the liquid pre workout that she was in the middle of consuming when the man had said that so casually.

"WHAT???" Tobin yelled.

"What?" Paul asked, so confused.

"Hope Solo has a wife??" Tobin wiped her mouth. The midfielder definitely didn't know that fact.

“Hope is married?!” Alex asked.

"Well yeah..." Paul said slowly.

Kelley's blood ran cold.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reminder: 4 more updates to go this story aint over yet.


	29. Just a Couple of Kids from Peachtree City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I amend my statement, only one more update after this. Enjoy. OOO - and I changed something from last chapter. It used to say 14 months from Long Olympics, when it should have said 34

Kelley nervously bit the skin on the side of her nails as the pilot announced overhead that it would be thirty minutes till the plan touched the tarmac. She put her headphones back on to let the music distract her mind. It wasn’t really working that well.  

She swiped up the cover over her window and stared out at the brown and green patches that made up the many acres of this state that she had made a point of avoiding for as long as she could.  

Alex hadn’t been training much in Georgia since the offseason had started, and most of their time was spent in California for the many national camps that had taken place. The only reason to have come back was for Erin, of whom did not complain once when Kelley offered to pay for her and her husband's trip to come and visit her in LA.  

In addition, because of Alex’s serious cash flow from ATL’s deep pockets and desire to keep making promotional videos of her with only a sports bra on and oil slathered all over her body, and Kelley’s signing with Under Armour and chocolate milk, the couple had managed to rent a house close to the beach for the past six months. One that both Kelley and Alex’s parents would fly out just to see and use for a beach getaway.  So really, there was no real reason to come back to Georgia.  

And Kelley was far from looking for one. She really actually dreaded boarding this flight without Alex, who elected to go back a week earlier to have more time to settle in as preseason started. Kelley actually hated that she agreed to this flight. One night when they had been walking down the streets in Manhattan Beach, sipping on their Starbucks, she had mindlessly relayed the fact that Erin’s birthday was coming up, and from then on she couldn’t stop Alex from planning a surprise birthday party for the woman.  

“Babe. I don’t really want to go back.” Kelley grimaced at the thought. She was half-listening to her girlfriend give all the reason as to how she would be the shittiest sister on the planet if she didn’t. The other half of her was feeling this pitted dread just gurgle somewhere deep within her.  

“Why don’t you want to go?” Alex asked with a quiet curiosity.  

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Kelley said, very aware that she was behaving like a child. She swished the ice around in her clear cup and looked out on the ocean and continued to walk as her flip flops slapped across the wood of the boardwalk they found themselves on.  

“Okay. Then I’ll say why you don’t want to go.” Alex said with a shrug.  

Kelley looked at her a little apprehensively. She didn’t say anything in response, knowing that Alex wasn’t looking for one.  

“Your past. You’re too scared to face it. You don’t want to deal with it.” Alex said with another shrug.  

“Babe. This is hard.” Kelley said with a languished expression on her face. “How is this not affecting you like it is me? Like, seriously??” Kelley pushed. “This is beyond trying to be professional.” 

Alex looked on without trying to reveal much. That's not really the issue that she was referring to, but now she was realizing that maybe they weren't on the same page. She hated not being on the same page, it sort of felt like high school all over again. 

“How much am I supposed to hide from you? How much do I talk about? How can I talk to one of the women out there that I’m competing against, about my weaknesses?” Kelley further pushed. 

“What makes you think that being back home is going to somehow – I don’t know- make it worse?” Alex asked with a chuckle.  

Kelley sighed. For her, going back to the city where she was reminded that as a kid she was supposed to be the greatest, the same city that chose Alex to be the face of professional women’s soccer, was the last place she wanted to go. It was an understatement to say that their professional relationship had been straining their personal one. It seemed like Kelley was the half that wasn’t dealing with it well. Any good camp of hers came with mixed emotions that she carried in her mind, while Alex remained a neutral tone. She was filled with excitement at the thought of playing in her more natural position for her country, then followed by guilt that she may have been jeopardizing the one person who had supported her throughout everything. Then, she would go in a paranoid fit that Alex’s fair-minded expressions and discussions with her were masking the real hidden truth. Followed by a pity party that she was just too immature for Alex’s affections. It was safe to say that Kelley was a mess.  

“I love you. Beyond myself.” Alex said as the wind whipped and kissed her cheek that day on the boardwalk. It was true. Very true. For Alex, she had chosen to perish in silence when it came to the National Team Forward situation. Alex and Christen had always found a weird little mental box in which they had learned to separate their friendship and their professional lives. It took a long time for Alex to realize that maybe her and Christen have been doing this since they were kids, always separating their feelings in the appropriate places in order to coexist. Kelley wasn't the only competition, but it was the hardest one to deal with. Alex and Kelley always fought as kids, and their young adulthood had saved them from pitting them against each other for a starting spot until now. Trying to wade through this relationship-wrecker was taxing. 

Kelley admitted that she had to put the expectations put on her as a kid, in the past. Especially because she was meeting them, it’s just that she wasn’t the one that marketers and people in charge of pushing the Woso agenda were looking for to be the face. Her ability to deal with the fact that she wasn’t going to find the fame that Alex had achieved in Georgia had waned since she had stopped talking to Hope. There was no other person who could look at Kelley like she was an idiot, yet make her feel so competent at the same time. The Sky Blue forward felt like maybe because it was her old coach. Kelley thought about her longtime girlfriend's words that day on the boardwalk before she boarded the plane. She vowed to herself that she would learn how to deal with it, or at least try.  

When the pilot announced five minutes till landing, Kelley also dreaded the fact in addition to the fear that she would have to face the fact that she wasn’t the greatest thing to come out of Peachtree, there was another thing from her past she would have to face.  

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

Erin rolled her eyes at her little sister's text that Alex had left training to pick her up and that she was on way home. Kelley’s insistence that she not impose on Erin’s regular schedule was a little annoying, but it did give her a little time to recruit Olivia’s help with buying stuff for her sisters surprise party.  

“When do you think Kelley will stop hating me?” Olivia asked curiously as she grabbed the chips from the shelf.  

“I don’t know.” Erin said with an eye roll. “But my sister needs to grow her shit up.” 

“I’m not asking like I expect her to,” Olivia shrugged. “But you would think that she would eventually pretend to be nice to me like at least a year into her and Alex’s relationship...” 

Erin shrugged. She loved Olivia, and she could agree with her on her paper. But she knew Kelley, and she knew that her emotions ran deep and if Kelley felt a certain way, only Kelley could really change that.  Reading articles on her little sister was a little weird back when she was at Stanford. Watching telecasts on the Pac10 network talking about her little sister and her performance was weird. Now that the whole NATION (those who watched women's soccer) knew her....that was weird. But they were all artifacts of Kelley's history of doing whatever the fuck she wanted, no matter what. Somehow Kelley always found a way. She didn’t agree with her actions back then, but now that Kelley was an adult and living her life past Hope Solo, Erin’s outlook on her sister was evolving. Kelley was never the victim. 

“All I’m sayin is that, I would like to get to know your sister.” Olivia said. “She seems like she’s pretty cool.” 

Erin grunted non committedly. There was no denying that it had become a little silly that for years, she would have to sort of hide her friendship with Olivia when Kelley came into town. She did agree that at some point Kell would have to get over it, but she did think that now was not the visit to push that agenda. After her own birthday party that Alex had mistakenly revealed, her and Alex agreed that they would try to make this week all about Kelley and her needs. So maybe Olivia would have to sit tight for this visit.  

“I’m just saying, it’s been like a bazillion years since ya know.” Olivia said as she grabbed the sodas.  

And right on cue, Erin looked up to see the person that the “ya know” was all about. So did Olivia. Life was funny like that.  

“See, and I’m not even with her anymore.” Olivia said as she rolled her eyes at Hope and the gorgeous woman that was trailing behind her, holding onto the belt loops of Hope’s jeans as they decided on something pretentious like what kind of sparkling water to get, Erin was sure of.  

“You know who that chick is?” Erin asked with a furrowed brow.  

“I don’t know, her wife or something.” Erin said with an exasperated face.  

“No fucking way!” Erin said with an excited whisper as they both stopped in their tracks so that Hope and co. would drift further from them. “She’s married?!?” 

“That’s what Heather told me.” Olivia said with another eye roll. Erin observed like a stalker as she tried to decipher the hotness of the woman that managed to call Hope Solo ‘wife’.  

“Why didn't you and Mittens tell me!?” Erin asked. 

“Can you not call her that?” Olivia asked, knowing it was futile. “Can we like not be seen by her?” 

Erin spun the cart around and made way for the next aisle.  

“Okay, like on the scale of 1 to ten, how weird is it to see her in the grocery store with her...wife!?” Erin asked. She made sure to be prepared at any moment if the married couple had intercepted them.  

“Like a 4. It’s not as bad as it used to be now that her and Heather see each other often-ish.” Olivia said. She clicked her tongue at Erin’s disbelieving face. “Don’t look at me like that, even if it was a 2, I’d still not want to talk to her.” 

“This is actually the first time I’ve seen her…” Erin couldn’t believe it as she said it. It really had been a really long time.  

“Well it’s only been a few months that she’s actually lived here, lived here. But I’ve seen her more times than I can count.” Olivia said. She grabbed Erin’s phone so that she could be in charge of moving a long this shopping spree quicker as she perused the remaining items in Erin’s list.  

“Because of your boo thang or just randomly?” Erin asked.  

“Mostly because of Heather.” Erin scoffed. “At first I thought it was annoying that they see each other sometimes, but I’m too tired to care.” 

“But you know what-l” Olivia stopped in her tracks and then her eyes pierced into the oldest O’Hara’s soul through her own eyes.  

“How awkward is it for  _you?”_ Olivia asked. “This is a whole different thang for you. That whole thing back then affected you and Kelley and your family in a TOTALLY different way than me. We both know that. Are you...okay?” 

The anger had definitely chilled since that many years ago. Really, the instant she had seen the woman, her first thought was for Olivia and not her sister. She figured it probably was because Kelley had so clearly moved on to Alex, her love life had seemingly reached a healthy point. And of course because of her evolving outlook. 

“I don’t know. I guess I don’t think about it much anymore. Out of sight, out of mind. Plus, I think Kelley stopped talking to her after that whole thing. So I’m okay, I guess.” 

Olivia bit her lip instead of ruining her best friend’s day. Over the years, the topic of that whole shit show had died down. There was never a discussion about if it was prudent to just move on and put Hope and Kelley’s relationship in the past, but it was just naturally assumed. When Heather had sauntered into Olivia’s life, the topic of Hope’s infidelity (allegedly with Heather, but really with Kelley) was brought up a few times, but really that had been it. At the inception of that relationship, Erin tried to just focus on the fact that she would have to learn to like Heather Mitts, something she thought she would never have to do again... Of which, Olivia had been grateful. It was a weird web of relationships, so she understood the difficulty of acceptance.  

So when Erin slipped the fact that she had no idea that Kelley had indeed kept some kind of relationship with Hope, one that Mitts knew about since working with Hope, Olivia just kept her mouth shut. This was difficult all around.  

“Well,” Olivia sighed. “I hope Hope’s happy.”  

Erin scoffed.  

“No I mean it!” Olivia pushed. “I’m happy, Kelley’s happy. Why can’t it just be moved along, right?” 

And Erin just felt something stir in her stomach. She got an odd feeling that she would have to ask Kelley that.  

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

Alex quickly made sure to get a shower at the facilities before she made the drive to the airport. With her wet hair making puddles into the back of her clean warmups, she waited for her girlfriend to emerge from the upper levels of the airport. She was glad that she got here before Kelley. As Alex sat on a black chair by baggage claim, she hated to admit that she was also glad that she was here first so that she could have time to process her nervous energy. She didn’t know how Kelley was going to take the news that she was going to be working with Hope’s club, and the woman herself, for a whole week as the star of a clinic being held.  

Alex didn’t want to stress her girlfriend out too much, knowing that Kelley was already wound up tight, but she felt like this was something that she couldn’t hide.  

When the news broke that Hope had left the Reign to ‘pursue other opportunities’ Alex had never thought that it would mean that her former coach would become a powerful figure in Atlanta United’s ownership. Nor did she think that Hope would have opened up a new club to start unofficially feeding the youth system of ATL’s girl’s academy. And as a player, usually that news would have been something to brush off, but when it was mentioned in a meeting and in an article in a stupid newsletter she never read, Alex felt like maybe she would have to eventually interact with her former coach. She felt like maybe, her past would always rear its ugly head.  

The invitation to be a star of the youth clinic had come through Mitts, like all of Alex’s public club events, and it was one that she hesitated on. When it came to her career, she had learned to just say yes to all opportunities since it had landed her this far in her life, but this was the first that she really had to think about how it would affect her. Heather had informed her that it would consist of her with working with Hope. Which was the problem.   

After all these years, even when Hope had gotten into that car accident, Alex had still managed to avoid having a real conversation with that woman. She had waved at her a couple of times, she had texted her through Kelley’s phone a couple of times, but still, they had never really talked about anything. She wasn’t sure if too much time had passed for their past to have been put aside. She wasn’t sure if she should still feel guilty for (temporarily) ruining the woman’s life. She wasn’t sure if she could ever have a real relationship with Hope Solo, professional or personal.  

The older woman really had been a good thing to her girlfriend when it came to managing the mental health that came with being a professional soccer player, and that was something that Alex really felt gratitude towards Hope. When it became clear that Kelley would be 100% honest and open about her relationship with Hope, Alex really found herself falling more in love with Kelley. It showed another form on intimacy, like Alex was finally let in on the mystical past between the student and teacher, and it was something that Kelley would need to work through, something that she wanted to work through with Alex by her side. Maybe it was a twisted way of looking at it, but it was for Kelley, and Alex swore that her girlfriend would hold her tighter and kiss her a little stronger when Hope was back in her life. 

Alex knew that the news of Hope’s marriage would knock something out of Kelley. She was prepared for it. But sometimes preparation isn’t enough. There was a noticeable difference in Kelley when she had stopped talking to Hope. Alex couldn't find that middle ground between loving Kelley and her complicated past, and deciding when it was time to just take full possession of her. 

Adding on the competition factor for a starting spot on the national roster, the increased performance demands from Atlanta, and the mental anguish of other clubs offering more money for her rights, Alex had felt like life had taken a good toll on her. And all she wanted to do was to hold on tighter to loved ones, hoping that she could find herself in them. She didn’t know if she could move away from her family for any club that probably help her better professionally. Her family loved her for some reason, and maybe she could find reasons to love herself in them, too. She wished that Kelley would onto her tighter.  

And when she saw Kelley find her in the crowd at the airport, she knew that her girlfriend would need more than just Alex’s hug and hold, to find reasons to love herself, again.  

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

“You’re really quite extraordinary.” 

Hope smiled at that statement. She wiped the sweat from the heat off of her forehead and gave her wife a kiss for that compliment. A long and meaningful one, one in which she had her face in both hands and her heart ready to be consumed. A smile back, that’s all she wanted today, and when she pulled away, she got it. Day was made. 

She jumped back in and started wreaking havoc for the 12 year olds who were scrimmaging, but had no chance for Hope’s reawakened footwork and finesse. Everyone could see the joy and the fun everyone was having, the players, the coaches, and the parents. Hope was usually here every other day, today being her day off, but it was supposed to be a special day.  

Supposed to be.  

It was supposed to be the day that she was going to get the clearance that Alex was going to do the clinic. They had a banner that they were going to put up with Alex’s name and everything. Mittens had said that Alex was on board, but to wait for the official word, and now Hope was glad that she listened to her, something she never did. 

It was really late in the game to pull out of this kind of thing, and now she was reeling on how she was going to remedy this. It was their first big soccer camp since the club’s inception and really, her and Sydney couldn’t fail as the owners of this club. There was a lot of money being put into this by the parents and by the club, and there was so much at stake professionally. Today had been a stressful day, one filled with phone calls with frustrated groans and nail-biting conversations with Syd and Mittens. They were on the cusp of revealing the star of their very first and very expensive camp, and there was no way that this could be without Alex Morgan.  

“What do you mean hold off??” Hope asked with a bewildered expression. “Everything is a go, right?” 

“Uh...right?” Heather Mitts shrugged in response. She didn’t know how to give Hope a response that she would want. 

“What’s the issue?” Syd asked.  

Heather rolled her eyes at the answer she was going to give the two of them.  

“Personal.” 

“What the fuck does that mean she has a personal issue???” Hope asked.  

Regardless of Alex’s reasons, to sum it all up, it was a shitty day.  

And Hope was glad that a smile from her wife could reverse it all.  

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

“At what point in our relationship did you start keeping things from me?” Kelley asked, downtrodden from the realization that Alex was too pure for her. She knew deep down that her girlfriend was doing this for her mental state, but she chose not to fixate on the positive. She chose to fight. 

Alex’s face fell. She had waited to tell Kelley until they were at Alex’s apartment. Kelley had cracked open a beer, was settling in, when Alex had broken the news that she was going to be working with Hope.  

“What do you mean?” Alex asked slowly. Yeah, she had been nervous, but she wasn’t expecting this reaction.  

“I mean,” Kelley sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair and gathered her thoughts. “This is a big deal, first of your career. Like why did you wait to tell me?” 

“I’m telling you now.” Alex offered softly.  

“But why not before?” Kelley pushed. She put her beer down on Alex’s counter top. She faced her girlfriend.  

“I wasn’t trying to hide this from you.” Alex said.  

“Then why does it kind of feel like it? This camp is when? Two days from now?” Kelley inquired.  

“It was something I wanted to talk to you about in person.” Alex said with a shrug.  

“But you knew about it when we were in LA...”  

“It wasn’t something I decided on until I came back.” Alex said resolutely.  

“Let me circle back. When did you start keeping things from me?” Kelley asked.  

“I don’t.” Alex pushed a little more defensively. “I’ve just opened up to you about this. I’m not keeping things from you! And if I need time to process something in my life, I deserve it. And I don’t need to get heat from  _you,_ about keeping things from your significant other!”  

This was not how this conversation was supposed to go. Really, this was probably the first crack in Alex's tight-lipped frustrations. 

“I talk to you about everything!” Kelley retorted. "That's more than you could say! You don't even talk to me about your camp or just about how you're doing with all of that! How am I the one hiding things??" 

Alex put her head down. Her energy was already drained and the conversation had just begun. This wasn't a fight for RIGHT NOW. Not when it was supposed to be a good week. They had Erin's birthday party, and then Kelley's surprise reveal. Something that her and Erin had worked to put together. She knew that working with Hope on this clinic would put a little damper on the time she was available to hold Kelley, but now she was realizing that maybe it would hurt her more than help her. The frustrations were coming cracking down on her all of a sudden. 

"Kell, I don't have to do it." Alex said with a defeated tone.  

"I'm not telling you to not do it!" Kelley said defensively. "If it's something you want to do, it's fine! I -" 

"It's not something I want." Alex interjected. They both took a breath. 

"Why not?" Kelley asked, she tried to let the fight in her die down. She could tell that a button had been pushed. 

"Honestly, Kell-" Alex shook her head. She sat down on her couch and looked down at her lap, "why would I want to work with someone that I have a shitty past with?" 

Kelley was taken aback. 

"What are you talking about??" Kelley inquired. From her perspective, within the past relevant years, Alex had never really expressed anything negative towards Hope. 

"Hope and I have never had a real conversation." Alex said. "About anything! About soccer, about you, about jack shit!" 

"But-. So...I didn't know you had a problem with her." Kelley was still reeling from this surprise fact. 

"I mean, I don't! I just- I mean I'm not exactly on the best terms with this person that I'm supposed to be working with..." Alex shrugged. 

"Plus...” Alex looked at Kelley. "How can I work with someone who affects my girlfriend like this?" 

Kelley's stomach twisted. 

"What are you talking about?" Kelley asked quietly. 

"Fuck off." Alex said softly, her head shaking and her face sneering. 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

Erin looked down at her phone as it buzzed and registered it was from Kelley. 

Kell: Can I stay at your place this week? 6:01 pm 

Erin shook her head. Something must have happened. She replied with a 'yea' before she put it back in her pocket and helped Olivia store all of the party stuff in her best friend's house for safe keeping. Coming out of the house to help them was a woman that was still something weird for her to accept. 

"Tell your sister's girlfriend to get her shit together." Mitts said as she grabbed a bag from Olivia's hand. 

"What happened?" Erin asked, her shoulder dropped a little. 

"She dropped out of the camp." Heather said with an eye roll. "Fucking last minute, too." 

"Then get someone else." Erin shrugged. They all put the groceries and party favors down on the table. 

"Oh sure O'Hara. It's that fucking easy." Mittens deadpanned. 

"Get another Atlanta player." Erin pushed. "That shit can be replaced easy." 

"No one's big enough on that roster. I mean, not as big as Alex. “Mittens shook her head. “At least not for how much those parents paid for it." 

Erin hated herself for saying what she said next. 

"Get another prospective player for Atlanta. One that was gonna find out about the trade to this team in a few days’ time anyways during her surprise party...one that just happens to be in town anyways..." 

Heather's face lit up. 

Olivia' eyes widened. 

And Erin bit her lip at the realization of what she had just suggested. 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

Hope was relieved to see the last car leave her complex. Normally she lived for the times of the days when she had the whole soccer community on the property, but given the circumstances of the day, she was glad that the rush was over. 

 _Tomorrow’s another day._  

That’s what she kept telling herself. At the end of every day, she had a mini reflection on the thankfulness of of being alive for it, but today she was wishing that she could just fast forward.  

She let her tired body push the gate so that she could lock it for the night and keep the cars out. She grimaced a little at the pang from her shoulder, but she moved to brush it off. She was walking, she had two functional legs that she had rehabbed from the accident. She wouldn’t complain. She let the satisfying click of the lock signal the official end of her duties for the day.  She let out a sigh of relief and she looked out at the cloud it made in the cold air. She closed her eyes to take a minute to enjoy the silence.  

After her meditation, she opened her eyes. And that’s when she saw through the chain link gate, the disheveled and transient figure of Kelley O’Hara walking towards her, looking for a home. 

“Hi.” Hope said as she watched Kelley’s fingers wrap around the metal in between them.  

The younger woman didn’t respond. She had a deadened expression and now that she was a little closer to Hope, she could see the red and puffy eyes.  

“What’s wrong?” Hope felt the empathy flow, it was in her chest. The sight was striking, it was eerie.  

“Why did I end up here?” Kelley asked, her facial features still stone cold and dead.  

“I don’t know.” Hope said softly. It seemed to be a question loaded with a lot more than those plain words were grammatically asking for.  

“Kell. Are you okay? Why are you here? How’d you get here?” Hope asked. She unlocked the gate and pushed it open for Kelley, who didn’t take a step closer. Hope let her arm lean on the gate, hoping that Kelley would eventually take a step closer.  

“Why didn’t you tell me that you got married?” Kelley asked. Sadness started to trickle into the younger woman’s face.  

Hope sighed. The day and her duties definitely were not over. She dropped her arm from the gate, leaned on it and moved a little closer to Kelley.  

“I felt like it wasn’t necessary to.” Hope said in a light tone. She watched Kelley’s face process her words.  

“Hope, you and I are fucking... you and I.” Kelley said. “Were we not…close?” She didn’t really want to say the word ‘friends’ 

“I know you were dealing with your life and all of the stress. I don’t think that you had the space in your head to really process anyone else life.” Hope said gently.  

“I don’t mean that like in a bad way.” Hope offered. “Our conversations were based on you, and they weren’t really about me. So I felt like it wasn’t the best idea to bring it up.” 

She waited for Kelley to respond, but it looked like she was overwhelmed.  

“Paul told me that he had told you, and you stopped talking to me.” Hope said softly. “So I figured I did the right thing because it wasn’t something that you wanted to talk to me about.” 

“I would have wanted you to have told me.” Kelley said.  

“Really?” Hope asked in disbelief.  

“Yes.” 

Hope sighed.  

“I’m married.” She offered with a slight sly smile. It wasn’t news to either of them now, and it was a little funny to announce it in this way. She watched as Kelley stepped past her and further into the complex with a word. When she Kelley had reached the house that was now serving as an office, Hope locked the gate and elected to follow the woman, several laces behind to give her the space she needed to process.  

Kelley walked past the little house and up to the pole that had the switch for all of the stadium lights. Her heart skipped a little when she realized that there were ten times the amount of lights that there used to be. When it lit up everything, she realized that the amount of land cleared for a soccer field had grown that amount as well.  

Pike Place had turned into ten soccer fields. Kelley felt like crying at the greatness and beauty of this place that had changed so much.  

“What else don’t I know about your life?” Kelley asked a little breathlessly when Hope had caught up to her 

 

 

~~ 

 

“What do you mean you broke up with her??” 

Erin stood in shock at the news. It was a little weird that Kelley hadn’t answered any of her texts that were sent that evening, but she didn’t think that this was going to be the news that Alex was going to deliver.  

The two were standing at Alex’s door, Kelley’s suitcase handle in Erin’s hand. The oldest O’Hara could see the way Alex was trying to hold in any emotion that she was sure to express the minute that she was going to close the door.  

Erin must have been standing there for an hour while Alex recounted her and Kelley’s previous conversation. She listened intensely while the ATL forward told her about how Kelley’s relationship with Hope, and her girlfriend(ex) refusal to talk about the current state of her relationship with the woman. Alex relayed that Kelley kept pushing that they hadn’t talked recently, but she really couldn’t give a reason as to why they weren’t talking.  

Erin’s stomach twisted a little, knowing that she was wrong all along, and that Kelley was still connected to Hope somehow. She would have never suggested Kelley for that camp to Heather had she known.  

“But wait. I don’t understand. Isn’t it a good thing she’s not talking to her anymore?” Erin asked.  

“No.” Alex scoffed. “She’s not talking to her because she’s hurt about not knowing that she was married.” 

“So…” Erin was still confused.  

“I could never hurt Kelley like that.” Alex said softly.  

“That a good thing!” Erin offered.  

“No, Er.” Alex said solemnly. “It’s not. Not for me.” 

 

 

~~ 

 

Kelley looked up at the stars and felt the cold grass tickle the back of her neck as she listened to Hope’s voice. She laid there still as Hope laid there next to her and talked about land contracts and ownership of ATL the new houses she lived in since she moved back.  

“How did Chris and Ash take it when you left?” Kelley asked. She looked over at Hope and her eyes found the tattooed band on the woman’s ring finger. It felt like a knife to the chest. She only half-heartedly listened to Hope’s response. Her eyes and her attention mostly on that left ring finger.  

 _What is her wife like_? 

She tried to imagine a domestic Hope, and remembered that it wasn’t that hard to do so. She remembered what cooking breakfast for Hope was like. She remembered what fishing down over at the river that was just over to her right was like. She even remembered the way Hope liked her coffee.  

“What’s it like fighting with you nowadays?” Kelley had asked, interrupting Hope’s talk about Harvey and the Reign.  

The older woman took a second to think about it before she responded, “I think it’s probably a lot less frustrating.” 

“Really? That’s an upgrade.” Kelley chuckled. She remembered how frustrating it was to argue with Hope back when she was younger.  

“Eh. I’m a little bit more go with the flow.” Hope shrugged. “Which is why I haven’t murdered someone since Alex pulled out of my camp.” 

Kelley processed that bit of news. She didn’t know that Alex had pulled out of it since she had stormed out of her apartment when Alex had said that so quickly that their relationship wasn’t working.  

She thought about Alex. She didn’t know it was possible for her stomach to twist this amount of times in a day.  

“Did she say why she pulled out of it?” Kelley asked quietly.  

“Personal reasons.” Hope responded. She sighed. “I figured you would have known why she did.” 

“But I guess...” Hope slowly trailed off as she turned to look at Kelley. “You’re here, and not with her. Why is that?” 

The younger woman sat up straight. She rolled her eyes because of her frustration with herself.  

“I can do this camp.” Kelley offered out of nowhere.  

“Whoa.” Hope chuckled. She sat up too and looked at Kelley’s face, studying for any reason to think it was a joke. 

“Seriously?” 

“Why not?” Kelley chuckled a little exhausted. “I have nothing to do anymore. Plus, you guys were going to buy my rights anyways.”  

Hope widened her eyes at how casually Kelley had revealed that.  

“Yeah, surprise surprise. I know.” She said in a light whisper.  

 “How did you know??” Hope asked with a little laugh. She thought they had managed to keep the news quiet, but apparently not. Then again, that part of the operations was not under her management.  

“It’s  _my rights,_ Hope.” Kelley said like it was obvious. “People talk and I know that Alex and Erin had tried to guilt me into getting me down here for a birthday party as an excuse for me to have a meeting the manager. I’m not stupid.” 

“You’re smart.” Hole said with a smile.  

“I went to Stanford. People forget that.”  

“So are you cool with it?” Hope asked curiously. “Coming back home professionally?” 

“Alex broke up with me, Hope.” Kelley whispered.  

“Oh.” Hope said. That explained the abandoned and hopeless look on Kelley’s face when she found her at the gate.  

“Is that why you’re here right now?” Hope asked softly.  

Kelley looked at her dead in the eyes.  

“Answer that question for me.” She begged of her former coach.  

 

~~ 

 

Erin had to admit that it wasn’t easy to sleep knowing that Kelley was still somewhere out there, anywhere. Yes, Kelley was 25 and a grown woman, but it didn’t ease Erin’s mind as she stared at Alex’s text informing her that She had pushed Kelley to Do Hope’s camp before her little sister had walked out the door.  

 _She’s somewhere out there with Hope._  

Erin’s tossing and turning had disturbed her husband way too much that now she was pacing the floor of her living room.  

 _Erin, she will be fine._  

She kept telling herself that as she bit her nails.  

Kell: I’m fine Er. I’ll see you tomorrow 11:36pm 

Erin clenched her jaw so tight from the frustration boiling up.  

She grabbed her car keys.  

 

 

~~ 

 

 

 “So you turned it into on office.” Kelley said as she ran her palm over the table top of if this desk that was in the middle of the small room that used to be Hope’s bedroom on her Pike Place residence.  

“I did.” Hope said as she handed Kelley one of the two cups of green tea that she was holding. She watched Kelley go around and pick things up and down as she surveyed all of the changes to the furniture and paint from the walls.  

“Lot of memories?” Hope asked.  

Memories of her with both Hope and Alex filled her mind. The older woman knew that she wasn’t the only woman on Kelley’s mind right now. She smiled at Kelley’s youth and appreciated the situation Kelley had found herself in at this time in her life.   

Kelley just nodded with a small smile. She sat down next to Hope who was sitting on the top of the desk.  

“You really want to do this camp?” Hope asked. “To get back at Alex?” 

“I don’t want to hurt Alex.” Kelley said as she sipped her tea.  

“Then why?” 

“She said I should do it.” Kelley said simply. Hope thought over Kelley’s words.  

“Why would she-“Hope didn’t finish her question. She knew exactly why Alex would do that. She just didn’t know if Kelley knew why. Hope gulped. She looked down at her left ring finger and traced the thick black band that was at the base of it. She nervously pulled out her phone and sent a text out. All the while, Kelley watched Hope’s every movement. She saw the habitual way the woman had looked down at her finger. Kelley could see the screen of Hope’s phone and she saw the name ‘Sasha’ spelled out in the top.  

 _Oh._  

“Did you have lots of memories with her here before you changed it?” Kelley asked. She took another sip of her tea.  

“You know I didn’t.” Hope said with a guarded expression. It seemed to say  _don’t Kelley._  

She looked down to see the younger woman’s finger trailing the black circle band on her own finger.  

But Kelley didn’t say anything. And Hope kept her mouth shut.  

“I’ll do it. The camp, that is.” Kelley said.  

“I don’t want to step on any toes.” Hope warned.  

“Just go with the flow.” Kelley said with a shrug.  

 

 

~~ 

 

 

Erin hadn’t been to Hope’s old house in 7 years. She wasn’t sure if this was it, but she remembered that it had a pebble/gravel driveway and a pool off to the side of the house.  

She had taken the few steps up to the porch of the house and then knocked on the door rapidly. No answer. She knocked again. And again. And again.  

“WHAT THE HELL WOMAN?!?” An angry looking man that looked nothing like Hope yelled as he opened the door. Erin jumped back. "IT'S 1 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING! " 

“Hi…um.. does Hope Solo live her?” She asked timidly.  

“NO BITCH!” The man yelled again before she had the door slammed into her face.  

Kelley was definitely not there. 

 

 

~~ 

 

"I'm not letting you stay here, Cap." Hope said with a shake of her head. "This place doesn't even have a bed. I'll take you somewhere with one." 

"No one calls me Cap anymore." Kelley said. There was a little smirk forming on her lips. 

"Well, I do." Hope said. They both looked at each other and the smiles were coming easily and the laughter between them sounded smooth like butter, and Hope was finding the urge to bring Kelley in closer. It was all around dangerous.  

They were just sitting there, talking. About everything. About Alex, about their careers, about their lives. The only subject untouched thus far was the wife that Hope had somehow obtained. Even though their physical interaction had been limited over the years, the conversations over the phone and the communication that they had been between them (before Kelley stopped talking to her), they still were on the same page. It warmed Kelley's insides, and it made Hope nervous. Kelley would skirt the topic of this 'so-called wife' (she liked to refer to her as) and she would smirk a little to see Hope narrow her eyes and then change the subject.  

"When are you going to go back and apologize to your girlfriend?" Hope asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Kelley shrugged. "She's my ex." 

"Oh that quick, huh?" Hope asked with an eye roll. She could see the tension in Kelley's body and the defensiveness in her nature. She tapped her on the shoulder to give her a nudge to chill out. 

"You love her. You guys will get over it." Hope said in a tone that she hoped was reassuring. But really, her insides were turning at the fact that Kelley O'Hara was here in her office. She blamed it on old residual feelings that she hoped would never substantiate into something that could ruin her life (again). 

"I do love her." Kelley said quietly as she nodded. 

"You guys have been together for...shit...a really long time." Hope said equally as quiet. She didn't realize how long it had been. 

"Longer than you and your 'so-called-wife'" Kelley said as she downed the rest of her tea. Her face was set with a little fury present in her clenched jaw. 

"I've known her longer than you and Alex have been dating." Hope said in a light tone, picking up on the change in mood from the woman next to her. "But it's not a competition, Kell." 

"Never took you as the marrying type." Kelley said curtly. "What was the wedding like?" 

Hope could sense the simmering anger, she didn't know if she should engage in this line of questioning. She ran her fingers all along her lips, as she debated.  

"It was small." Hope answered. 

"Who from your camp went to the wedding?" 

"Paul and Carli and Syd." 

"Do they like her?" 

Hope smiled, a little knowingly. "They get along with her, yeah." 

Kelley nodded in response, not knowing what other questions she should ask about this woman that she actually really didn't want to know anything about. It just felt like that this was the only way to express the undeserving anger she was feeling. 

"I think you'd like her." Hope offered. They were very much alike, and if Kelley were to Join ATL, they were bound to run into each other. 

"I guarantee you, I wouldn't." Kelley said with a noticeable bite before she hopped off the desk and refused to face Hope. 

The older woman put her face in her hands. 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

Erin turned the wheel a little slowly, realizing that she was the world's biggest idiot. She parked the car in one of the million empty parking spaces at Starr's Mill High school. She chastised herself for making this stupid trip, wondering to herself when she thought this would be a good idea. 

Kelley wasn't there. Hope wasn't there. 

The oldest sister thought that maybe her sister's past would pull her back to her old spots.  

 _And what were you going to do if she was here?_  

Erin O'Hara sighed heavily before she put her car back into reverse so that she could drive away and go back home. She wouldn't do anything. It wasn't her place to, anymore. 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

Hope made sure to avoid the deep conversation that she was sure to take place sometime this week, for at least that night. Neither of them were ready for that conversation.  When it was three in the morning, they both found themselves walking to Hope's car in the middle of the night when she had announced that she would take her to Syd and Dom's house. Hope tried to not make it as big of a deal as it was, when Kelley had grabbed her hand and held on to it on the way to the car. 

Hope let herself enjoy it for a little bit when they both drove in silence and Kelley was still holding on to her hand. They both knew that this wasn't exactly a moral path that they were walking down, but it was quiet and dark in the car, and maybe they wouldn't be seen. Maybe they wouldn't have to look at themselves. 

"You really should have bought a wedding band." Kelley said when the car was parked outside of Syd's house on the curb, and Kelley found herself tracing the tattooed black band around Hope's finger for the second time tonight. 

"Why is that?" Hope asked softly. 

"So that you could take it off." Kelley whispered. 

"Goodnight, Hope." 

"Goodnight, Kelley." 

Hope watched from the driver’s seat when Syd had opened the door for Kelley to walk in, and stayed in her spot long after, biting her nails. 

She looked at her finger again, realizing the troubled territory that she was about to enter. 

 _Tomorrow’s another day._  

She would deal with this after a nights sleep.  

 

~~ 

 

“Good morning.”  

Sydney looked at her watch and recognized that it was nowhere near morning time. She just smiled in return before she got up to make Kelley a cup of coffee.  

“Thanks for letting me sleep here.” Kelley croaked through her morning voice as she sat down at the table.  

“No problem.” Syd said as she poured the cup in front of the woman.  

Kelley smiled in gratitude.  

“So Hope tells me that you fucked it all up with Alex. How’d you manage that?” Syd asked as she pulled out her own chair.  

Kelley sighed, remembering her life.  

 

 

~~ 

 

 

Alex hadn’t expected Kelley to reach out to her. She expected the texts from Erin saying that Kelley still had not stopped by her house.  

She knew exactly where Kelley went.  

She expected the text from Hope late into the night. She chose to not respond to the text from the number that wasn’t programmed into her phone.  

 _Kelley’s here at the fields with me. Just FYI._  

The ATL forward quite literally didn’t expect the conversation with her ex-girlfriend to have gone the way it had played out. She thought that she was going to be able to grip whatever it was that was holding her sanity together, but she had been very wrong.  

As the minutes dragged by and the longer Kelley was in her apartment, for the first time in her life she just wanted Kelley out of it, and away from her. In LA, she had been wrapping it so tightly in her head and she was holding her breath, hoping that she would be able to keep it all in. She was wrong. Being in Georgia did make it worse. 

She just let Kelley talk about the current state of their relationship and how soccer was putting a wedge into it. She listened to it all, a speech that Kelley had given many times before. This time was different though. This time, Alex struck back. And strike back hard, she did. 

She talked about her superwoman ability to hold it together for the both of them. She credited herself for sacrificing herself for Kelley. 

"What does that mean?!?" Kelley asked. 

"Like I said, I love you, beyond myself." The tears had already been flowing, and by that time, she didn't think she could really look at the woman that had somehow in the twenty five years of her life became the only thing that had mattered. She didn't even really listen to Kelley's rebuttal. She just thought about that leather jacket that was probably still in her parent's house, buried deep within her old closet. Alex could hear an echo of her girlfriend's voice, but she just was wrapped in her head when she thought about that world of hurt that she knew she would be signing on for the first time that Kelley had brought flowers to one of her Cal games. 

She remembered the memory vividly, looking down at the daisies wrapped in a plastic, and then looking up at Kelley's big smile. Alex Morgan remembered telling herself in that moment that that moment, and the ones to follow, would be worth all the pain that Kelley was sure to bring. 

 _Well that was stupid._  

What hurt even more, was that in Alex's head, this wasn't even about soccer anymore. That kind of thing could have been fixed.  

It was about Hope Solo. It always would be. 

And if Kelley was too delusional to figure it out for herself, Alex would help her. Because she was at the end of her rope. The one that was tying it all together for her. 

"Just do the fucking camp for me." Alex said in an exhausted voice, one that was strained from the figurative frog in her throat from all the tears. Those were the last words spoken between them before the door had been slammed shut, and their relationship had been ended seriously for the first time. When she saw Kelley for the first time in awhile at the airport, she knew  _deep down,_ that seeing Hope was the only thing that was going to make her love herself again. 

Now if Kelley needed something beyond that, Alex didn't know. And only time would tell. And that's the reason Alex found herself knocking on the already open door to Pike Place's club's office. She could see Hope stick her head out around the corner and then smile slowly at the sight of her. 

"Can we talk?" Alex asked. 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

"You think that you're going to get back together?" Syd asked.  

"I think she's sick of me." Kelley said sadly.  

It was made evident by the way Alex spoke. It seemed like she had been holding it all in. And in true Kelley fashion, Alex's suffering had gone unnoticed by her. She had just been thinking about herself. She still was thinking about herself, honestly. Everything Alex spewed and spat yesterday was true. She was cleaning up Kelley's mental messes like she was a kid. And Kelley was too much of a wreck to see the toll she was taking on her girlfriend. There was only so much you could give a person. But her mind didn't even want to process that this was  _really_ the end with Alex. 

After she had walked out of Alex's apartment, she was initially enraged at the suggestion that she be second best to THE 'Alex Morgan' and be the last-minute replacement for the camp, wondering if Alex really just wanted to push her button. But as the hour passed and she found herself looking at Hope through a fence that never used to exist on Pike place, Kelley wondered if maybe that camp would be the only thing to keep her alive. 

"It'll be fun." Syd offered. "Hope tells you to demonstrate some shit and a bunch of kids just ask for your autograph at the end. Simple." 

 _No kid in Georgia has asked for my autograph, ever._  

She didn't reveal that thought to Sydney, but she was sure that it was revealed by the expression on her face. She tried to brush off the inadequate feelings, instead thinking of it as a few days filled with soccer. 

"So...Hope dropped you off pretty late." Syd said slowly.  "Everything good?" 

"Yep." Kelley said with a slight nod.  

"Uh huh." Syd responded with a slight narrow to her eyes. But she left it at that. It wasn't her place. 

"Speaking of Hope, I have something to give you. I think you'd find it funny." Syd said with a sudden change in mood. "Wait here." 

Kelley waited patiently for the homeowner to return. She tilted her head to the side in confusion when she realized that the thing Syd had to give her was a piece of paper folded into quarters. 

"Carli gave this to me YEARS ago." Syd explained as she handed it to Kelley. "I forgot that I had it, but I just haven't seen you in awhile, kid." 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

Alex smiled, surprising herself, at the sight of a big banner with Kelley's name on it. She really did love her. She watched Hope unroll it and lay it on the floor. 

"I'm glad that I got a guy who could do it so soon." Hope said with a smirk. "Looks like you approve."  

"I'm glad she's gonna do it." Alex said with a nod.  

"You want to tell me why I had to throw the original banner out? The one with your name on it?"  Hope asked. She watched as Alex walked up right next to her, looking down at Kelley's name spelled out in big letters. They both looked down at it. 

"Why'd you get married Coach Solo?" Alex asked quietly.  Hope blinked twice in a little minor shock at Alex's use of her former title. She could see the way Alex was slowly realizing that she would have to submit all of herself to this conversation. 

Hope looked at Alex, the pain in her face evident. She would submit herself, too. 

"She didn't choose me, Al." Hope said. "I had to move on." 

Alex swallowed down the woman's words. She scratched her head. 

"I don't think that she was in a time in her life when she could really choose." Alex shook her head. "I don't know that she knew you were an option." 

Hope didn't want to think about options and choices and decisions that she or anyone should have or should NOT have made. She had spent the last three years of her life making peace with the fact that she could live on with whatever Kelley decided. 

"Al. She chose you." Hope said with a slight shrug. "That's okay. I'm not trying to interfere with that. That's why I told you she came over last night, and everything." 

Alex licked her lips and tried to let all her frustrations out through her fingertips as she clenched and unclenched her fists.  

"Do you still love her?" Alex asked. 

"Yeah, I do. Very much so. But-" Hope made sure to make eye contact with Alex, "I love her enough to never mess up whatever you and her have. I love her enough not to mess up one of the best things in her life." 

"Like I did." Alex said with a nod. 

Hope was taken aback by that response. She was confused by the resolute set of Alex Morgan's jaw as she stared back down at Kelley's name on that banner. The older woman wasn't sure what Alex was reflecting on, but maybe looking at a banner that name on it and being back in Peachtree, she surmised that their past was catching up to them. 

"I ruined you and her." Alex said with a shrug. 

"No you didn't, kid." Hope hurriedly offered. 

"I was just trying to protect her. I wasn't trying to ruin your life." 

"I ruined it. You didn't." Hope pushed. 

"I loved her back then, in a different way." Alex's voice cracked. "And now I'm looking at you." She pointed at Hope, and she had to take a deep breath in order to continue. 

"I thought you were going to ruin her. Fuck, I thought I was going to fix her. That's' the farthest from the truth." 

"Alex." Hope put her hand on the woman's shoulder in comfort. "I know how much you mean to her, I'm not going to do anything to ruin that." And she truly meant it. The sensation of holding Kelley's hand hadn't left her mind since it had happened, but she knew that things were delicate and tensions were high, and she didn't want her desires to ruin the good things that people had in life. 

"Do you know how much YOU mean to her?" 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

Kelley tried to not be selfish. She really did. When Erin had opened the door and let out a ‘thank god!’ At the sight of her, Kelley tucked the paper into her pocket and gave her a big hug and a quiet happy birthday.  

The party was a little dampened since Alex wasn’t there and it was sort of planned by Kelley’s ex, but she did everything to make that day about Erin. She mingled with her family members and tried to keep a smile on her face.  

But Erin could see right through it. Kelley felt like a failure. At the mention of her ex- girlfriend, it was weird to think of Alex as an ex, their breakup was slowly starting to become more real. ‘Alex this’ or ‘Alex that’ and she would turn around and Alex Morgan wasn’t there by her side.  

She watched Erin open the gift that both her and Alex had picked out for her. It hurt. Especially because she knew that the last thing Alex would want was for Kelley to reach out to her. When she watched Erin blow out the candles, it finally hit her that Alex had broken up with her.  

Erin blew out The flames on those candles, just as quickly as Alex had blown out the flames of their relationship.  

She excused herself from the party and slipped into the bathroom where she gripped onto the sides of the sink as she herself sank to the floor and sobbed.  

 

 

~~ 

 

 

Alex stared at the big poster size print of herself and a lot of her teammates that Hope had on one of the desks. The both of them had rolled up the banner and put it back in the office where they both stood. The heavy conversation stilted for a little while Alex caught her breath.  

“I like this picture of Christen.” Alex said as she shifted through the big pile of a lot of her past and present ATL and National teammates.  

“She looks better than I ever did in that Reign uniform.” Hope agreed.  

“She made a smart move.” Alex said.  

"Her and Tobin." Hope added when she pulled aside an action shot of Tobin in her National Team uniform. 

"They're such a fucking beautiful couple." Alex said with such affection. 

"They are." Hope said. 

"Have you decided which ones you're gonna put up?" Alex asked. 

"That could be up to you." Hope said with a smile. She wasn't sure when Alex was going to resume their real conversation, but she wanted to give Alex the world in this moment. She let the younger woman go through the posters that Heather and Syd thought would be a good thing to hang in the office of some players that called this place their hometown. It had been a peaceful 5 minutes until Alex picking and choosing certain pictures until she had reached a picture of Kelley. She put it next to the picture of Christen and Tobin in one action shot. 

"This isn't the same as Kelley and I." Alex said as she put her finger on the picture of Christen and Tobin. 

"Why not?" Hope asked.  

"This is a couple meant for each other." Alex answered. She turned to face Hope.  

"Hope, do you know that Kelley never sleeps on her right side?" 

Hope shook her head.  

“Yeah. She doesn’t because she got hit in the ribs in her right side in a game vs unc. She’s never really felt the same since then but she refuses to get it checked. She usually just lies about the nagging pain when she goes to the doctor. 

You know that she bought us a dog once?” 

Again, Hope shook her head.  

“She named her Brooklyn and we had her for a week, and I think when I told her that she had to return her, that was the first time I had ever broken her heart.” 

The older woman just listened as Alex went on.  

“Kelley calls Christen every April 3rd.  It took me three years before I realized it. I like got some help from Kelley’s calendar when I noticed that christens name filled that day. She told me later that it was the day that her and Christen had made a promise to take care of each other their freshman year. I say, it was the first time they had sex with each other.” Alex smirked. “Regardless, I’m happy that Christen and Tobin still talk to her. 

“Her relationship with her mom and dad is better than what it used to be, but it’s still not the greatest. I think it’s mostly Kelley to blame now. She doesn’t want them at her games much, so they’ve stopped asking. They always text me after a friendly though, wondering how she is. I don’t think she really would look for them in the stands even if they did come. She’d only look for Erin.  

“She doesn’t really drink. Her favorite food is anything with peanut butter, and when she’s mad at you, she didn’t go missing, she just went out for a run. You usually just have to look at her headphone charger and see if they’re gone cuz that’s a sign that she’s out there pounding the pavement.  

“She’s needy for affection, but I think you know that. When she’s happy, she dances now. She cooks amazing dishes, but she always has been good at that. She’s good at picking out flowers, for some reason. They’re always beautiful. 

“Whenever she thinks I’m sad, she’ll come home with a bag of burgers. It’s always fucking burgers. I have no idea why. 

“She listens to a lot of rap now. But I think it’s a phase. She’s been angry a lot, recently. She used to just listen to a lot of chill music.  

“She hates the number 14. I had no idea why until later she told me that when she had thrown that hissy fit over the uniforms senior year, and she had worn that number in defiance of you. We both laughed when she was almost assigned that number.” 

Hope felt like crying. She didn’t know why but it felt like Alex was giving it all to her.  

“Why are you telling me all of this?” She asked a little breathlessly when it seemed that Alex had come to an end of all of the fun facts about Kelley.  

“They’re things I hope I remember about her.” Alex said. “Because I think over time, the only thing I’ll remember is the way she looked when she found out that you were married.” 

Hope looked down in sadness and guilt. 

“It changed her.” 

“Alex. You have to talk to her.” Hope offered.  

“Hope I’ve had like a relationship worth of time to talk to her.” 

Both of them stood there for a moment, wondering what all of this meant and how it would change things.  

“I want to hate you.” Alex admitted. “But I don’t think I can. I want to say that you’re the other fucking woman, but you haven’t been. At least not on your part.  

“You did one of the best things _for me_ in moving on, and I think it ended up being the worst thing for Kelley.” 

Hope knew that Alex didn’t want her to really respond, she just wanted her to listen.  

“I don’t know why I’m here telling you all of this. But I’m a fucking mess, Coach. One minute I want to go out find someone else and bury all of this, the next I want to drive over to her sister because I knows she’ll be there. And then, like I look at you and I think about you, and all over again I just want to curl up in a ball and just die.  

“I hate you, but I can’t. 

“And if Kelley ends up coming to ATL, I don’t know what I’m gonna do at this point. She’s going to do this camp and she’s gonna love it and she’s gonna realize how much she means to the world. That’s shit that she’s blind about because she just sees the commercials with me in it. She doesn’t know about the sky blue following here just because of her. She’s gonna come here, and you’re gonna be here. And I don’t know if I can keep doing this.  

“Other clubs are willing to snatch me up. And I I’ve blown them off because of the news that you guys were looking to get Kelley. But Portland doesn’t have a real number 9, and I’m tired of being the pretty super sub. I want to be trained like a starter. Like I can actually be on the national team.  

“That’s it hope, I don’t know if I can keep doing what I’ve been doing.  

Hope interrupted, “What can’t you keep doing?” 

Alex sighed.  

“Dimming my star for someone else” 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

“You should turn in for the night.” Erin said as she rubbed Kelley’s back.  

The younger sister nodded in agreement.  

“Get some sleep. Are you gonna do the camp for real?” 

Kelley nodded. She actually had forgotten about about the fact that she would have to report to Pike Place at 7 in the morning.  

"I'm going to do it if that's where I'm going to end up playing." Kelley said, hating the disappointed face when was wearing at the realization that Kelley already knew.

"Well, I guess you're surprise reveal party is out of the question?"Kelley just hugged her instead of responding before she turned to go to bed.

“Hey.” 

Kelley turned around. “This fell out of your pocket” 

Kelley had forgotten about that too. She panicked for a second when Erin was unfolding it. She snatched it away quickly.  

“Don’t be nosy. Happy birthday.” Kelley said before she kissed Erin on top of her head and made way for her childhood bedroom.  

She eventually fell asleep with that note in her hand.  

 

 

~~ 

 

 

FIRST DAY OF CAMP 

 

 

“I always forget that you’re like a legit morning person.” Hope said when Kelley had rolled up in what was probably her mom’s old car. The Sky Blue forward came bouncing up the path with two cups of coffee. She led Kelley down closer to the fences that blocked the dirt parking lot from the fields to show her the banner that was hanging up.  

“What you didn’t run here?” Hope asked when she saw the car.  

“I already ran this morning. But I couldn’t run here if I was going to bring you coffee.” 

Hope smiled at that. She smiled even bigger when she saw Kelley’s face at the sight of a huge banner that featured her name on it as the star of this camp.  

Kelley’s Face went stock still. She seemed to be in a mixture of awe and shock and Hope was realizing that maybe she hadn’t briefed her fully on how big this camp was going to be.  

“Do these kids even know who I am?” Kelley asked when she turned to Hope.  

“Holy shit, O’Hara.”  

 _Alex was right. She’s clueless._  

 _“_ Do you not check social media? I made the announcement yesterday.” Hope said with a laugh.  

“I haven’t looked at my phone.” She admitted. She was trying to stay away from it to tame the urge to text Alex.  

“Well. I guess it’ll be even sweeter to just realize for yourself.” Hope said before she took a sip of her coffee.  

“Omg that’s so fucking good.” Hope groaned in delight.  

“I know how to make a cup of coffee, Solo.” Kelley smirked. Hope remembered that Kelley had lived in her house and probably made millions of cups of coffee with her favorite brand while she was in Mexico. That felt intimate.  

“So what can I do? Where do we start?” Kelley asked a little excitedly.  

“You can chill for a bit.” Hope said. “Camp starts at noon so, yeah. All of the coaches should be coming in. Oh yeah, Under Armour sent a fucking outfit for you to wear. Jesus Christ I spent two hours on the phone with them because they were bitching that you can’t be wearing Nike gear at a non-club event. God, they’re the worst.” 

“Shit…” Kelley sounded impressed. “You think of everything.” 

“I know how to run a club, Cap.” Hope smirked.  

“Well how many coaches are supposed to show up?” Kelley asked curiously.  

“About 20.” Hope answered as she counted in her head.  

“Shit Hope! How many kids are at this camp??” Kelley almost spit out the coffee that was in her mouth.  

“250 kids.” Hope said nonchalantly.  

This time Kelley really did spit out her coffee.  

“Yeah.” Hope said with a grin. “We were at 104 before I made the announcement that you’re headlining it. We reached max in 5 minutes. So we put a waiting list out….I may have to talk to you about doing another one…or two.” 

Kelley was overwhelmed. But Hope was just smirking. Kelley’s cluelessness was a little laughable. 

“Babe. Don’t worry about it.” Hope said soothingly. "You're gonna just be next to me the whole time, doing what I say. Just like old times. I got you." 

Kelley smiled a little to break the nerves that were starting to form in her stomach. Hope could sense the anxiety. 

"If you need me to hug you I can do that." Hope offered with a gentle smile. The younger woman didn't even skip a beat when she closed the distance and wrapped her arms around the Hope's waist and just nestled in her embrace. 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

There were just so many kids. All different kinds of kids. Ones that didn't give a fuck and just jumped on Kelley and held onto her for a good solid two minutes and cried. There were ones that just hid behind their friends or their parents and just looked at her with wide eyes and opened mouths. There were ones that asked for a high five and then walked away and gave her some space. 

Eventually Hope had to do some crowd management in having the kids actually report to the fields where they were supposed to instead of gawking at a very happy Kelley. Every once in awhile Kelley would look over at her with a smile or an adored face at a cute little girl that had asked for a hug. 

The rotations of all the groups so that they could have a session with Kelley somehow managed to go smoothly, all thanks to Syd and the coaches planning. At first, Hope thought that it would be a struggle to get Kelley to talk through doing some technical stuff, but by the third group, Kelley was running it. Hope just set back and coached through of the kids through all of the games. 

It was something sort of magical seeing Kelley amongst all of the kids.  Kelley just knew when to give a kid a high-five, and when to correct them.  Hundreds of kids, and Kelley managed to keep afloat with all of the names she had learned. Hope didn't think that there was one second that she wasn't smiling.  She wondered how long it had been since Kelley had smiled like that. She thought about how long it had been since she herself had seen that smile. Hope looked down at her ring finger habitually. 

The camp lasted a good three hours, it had to if they were going to get all of the rotations of the kids to spend a session with Kelley on the first day. 

"I think that was quite possibly the best feeling in the world." Kelley said to Hope when the kids and their parents were almost all done and out of the complex. 

Hope looked at the genuine enjoyment on Kelley's face and she didn't think that she ever saw this much excitement from her before. Not like this. The Sky blue forward was chatting animatedly with other coaches and bouncing up and down as she helped clean up. She wouldn't shut up. 

The sight was making Hope's stomach twist again. Because she couldn't disagree. Looking at Kelley was quite possibly the best feeling in the world. And that wasn't how it was supposed to be anymore. 

 

 

~~ 

 

"So...same time tomorrow?" Kelley asked when she had reconnected with Hope at the end of cleanup. 

"You sure you want to come back after all that madness?" Hope joked. Kelley smiled. She sat down next to the woman who was sitting out on the tail of Hope's truck parked in the parking lot.  

"Thanks for letting me do this." Kelley said quietly. They watched as everyone else got into their cars and eventually headed out as well. "I don't think I've had that much fun in a  _really long time._ " 

"It's fun." Hope nodded. "It's something different when you get to see kids play this sport for the right reasons. Just cuz they love it man. When you're a teenager and up, you lose sight of that. It's about pressure, about performance, about people's perceptions of you. It's never about fun anymore." 

Kelley couldn't agree more. She was starting to understand Hope and her career and her choices more and more by the second. She was a little awestruck at how she herself had wound up here in this life, sitting next to Hope Solo. 

"What are you doing for the rest of the day?" Kelley shyly asked when Sydney had finally gotten the hint that Kelley wasn't going to leave before her.  

Hope dreaded this part. That dread of being next to and seeing Kelley O'Hara was an old and familiar feeling that meant she was in trouble now. They were both adults, but fuck, the feeling of impossibility was starting to creep up again. 

She put her hands over her mouth as she thought about her response and her life. 

"I...have dinner with Sasha tonight." Hope said when she looked down at her feet dangling off the bed of the truck. 

"Right." Kelley said as all of the breath left her body. It was a solid ten seconds of silence and Hope just waiting for the woman's reaction. It was the one she expected. Kelley hopped off the bed in an attempt to make a getaway. 

But she didn't get far and she looked down to see Hope holding on tightly to her hand. She turned around to face the woman who had stood up and had aimed her narrowing her eyes at her. 

"Don't do that." Hope whispered. "You're not 18 anymore." 

"Yeah, but you still belong to another woman, huh?" Kelley responded with a bite. "Kinda feels like that time, right?" 

Hope held on tightly to Kelley's hand. Her breath hitched a little when she felt Kelley’s other hand find its way into the pocket of her warmups.  

“Kelley…” 

Hope didn’t know what to say, she didn’t know what words to choose. She wanted to warn this woman in front of her that they still had two days left of this camp to work with one another, not to mention the world of baggage that Kelley still had on her shoulder, and the marriage tethered  to Hope’s ring finger.  

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Hope.” Kelley said. She got high on her tiptoes and closed her eyes at the intoxicating closeness of their bodies when she kissed Hope on the cheek.  

It reawakened everything.  

 

 

~~ 

 

 

SECOND DAY OF CAMP 

 

 

Hope noticed the way Kelley had rolled up her shorts more than usual. She noticed the squeezes on her arms and and the lingering looks. She knew what Kelley was doing.  

And for reasons bred out of her filthy past life, Hope did nothing to stop it. When she was getting out the bags and bags full of the official camp soccer balls that were going to be used that day, Kelley had jogged up the path, all in her sweaty glory.  

Before even saying a word to each other, Hope had her pinned up against the side of the office. There was no kissing, no hand holding, or anything of that nature. Hope just had her body against Kelley’s with her hand on her chest, feeling her heart beat, wondering why this person’s heart beat mattered more than her own, more than her wife’s.  

She had to feel it herself because it was all she thought about last night. But she backed off after a good long torturous moment because she wasn’t sure how right Alex was about all of this.  

And they had a camp to run. It followed pretty much the same format as the day before, but today’s focus was on shooting and it felt like the person who shot the most that day was Kelley. The kids just asked her to do it over and over again, each time with their jaws down on the floor. Along with Hope’s body when she tried to block the professional’s shots.  

She wasn’t very successful. Kelley just smirked, Hope just rolled her eyes.  

“Alright. I’m old. My shoulder hurts.” Hope whispered after they had set it up for the kids to practice it.  

“Your shoulder always hurts.” Kelley offered. She rubbed it, and Hope felt so guilty for letting her do it. The younger woman only stopped when this kid came up to the both of them.  

It was a spunky little 8 year old kid with a red face who had a problem with the way Kelley taught her how to strike a ball. Hope stayed back, listening to their conversation with a big amused smile on her face when Kelley tried to correct her.  

“You’re wrong.” The kid said simply.  

“No Amy. I’m not.” Kelley said in a strained voice.  

“Yes you are.” Amy pushed.  

Hope just enjoyed the moment while Kelley tried to appropriately argue with a kid that was less than half her size.  

“That kids a nightmare.” Kelley said when another coach had come and diffused the funny situation.  

“You’re joking right?” Hope asked with the biggest smirk plastered on her face.  

“No! Did you hear the way she talked to me? I kept telling her how to do it and she just gave me attitude! What the heck??” 

Hope chuckled.   

“What?” Kelley asked, confused.  

“O’Hara. That’s YOU. As a little kid. That’s a little mini Kelley O’Hara right there!” 

Kelley blinked four times as she processed that information.  

“No it’s not.” She said defensively.  

“Oh my god!” Hope doubled over in laughter before she turned around to go find someone other coach to help, leaving Kelley there to stew in her thoughts.  

 

 

~~ 

 

“No thanks.” Hope muttered when a guy with a tray full of beers came to their table.  

“Oh that’s right.” Kelley said before she sipped on her bottle. “I forgot.” 

“Don’t worry about it.” Hope offered. “I go out with them all the time and I just get a coke or something.” 

“Still. I mean I don’t really drink either, other than this one. I wouldn’t have gone if I had remembered.” 

“Don’t sweat it.” Hope said. “I’m just gonna get a coke from the bar.” 

Kelley watched her walk away.  

“She’s pretty good at resisting temptation.” She heard Syd say into her ear. But if that moment by the office meant anything, Kelley doubted that statement. Not about alcohol though, she hoped that was true.  

“Have you met Sasha?” Syd asked quietly do that the other coaches wouldn’t be able to hear them.  

“Nope.” Kelley said.  

“You should meet her sometime. She’s cool.” She offered.  

“I don’t want to, Syd.” Kelley said simply as her eyes continued to stay glued to the woman at the bar.  

“After all this time?” Syd asked. “Still?” 

Kelley chose to take a sip from her beer instead.  

“I guess my gift is still relevant…” Syd said, her mind a thousand miles away.  

“Yeah. Excuse me.” Kelley said before she scooted her chair back and made way to the bar, she was feeling very risky at the moment. She didn’t know why. There was something about the way Hope had been looking at her all day.  

“Guess what?” Hope said when saw the figure of Kelley approaching her when she looked up from her phone.  

“You’re gonna sign autographs and do a live Q&A tomorrow. Can even do a speech if you want.” Hope said with a smile when Kelley had inquired. “Heather says she’s gonna get a team to film out there and live stream it or some shit.” 

“That’s great Hope. Can I talk to you for a second?” 

Hope put her phone in her pocket and looked at Kelley curiously. There was a deadly serious set to her face.  

“Yeah. What’s up?”  

“Can we talk…not here?” 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

Kelley didn’t want to talk. 

And Hope knew that.  

Especially since the first thing Kelley said when she had shut the car door was, “I don’t want to talk.” 

Hope gulped.  

“Kelley. You’re killing me.” She begged her not to.  

She didn’t beg that hard, though.  

It was just a kiss. Just one. One that was bound to ruin a marriage. She did her part in pulling away gently so as to not make it a hard rejection.  

“Why not?” Kelley pouted when she signaled for another one and Hope had stood firm. It was a legitimate question. Nothing about Hope’s behavior since that night they met through the gate indicated that Hope didn’t want the same exact thing Kelley wanted.  

Being together was...easy. Such a contrast to Kelley’s high school days and the years that endured the absence of one another. Hope would look at her across the field and Kelley already knew what Hope needed/wanted. Kelley would leave a meaningful hand on Hope’s shoulder or squeeze her arm a little too tight, and the woman knew exactly what Kelley has always wanted to say to her.  

It didn’t feel surreal. In fact, it felt earthly and tangible and Kelley would turn around and she could feel the soft skin of Hope’s shoulder and and remember that there could be a life in which she could do this everyday.  

There was one moment when Hope and Kelley were demonstrating to the kids the basics of shooting a ball and Hope had put her hand on Kelley’s back and she tried to demonstrate to the kids to not lean back. Kelley had met her eyes when she had done so, and they both felt figurative electrical currents pulse from the contact.  

Kelley tried to not show it in front of the kids how hard it was to breathe. Kelley thought to herself then that if it was up to her, she’d rather not let some other woman have those moments with Hope on a daily basis.  

But back in Hope’s truck with that one kiss under the belt, the older woman elected to just hold her hand while she drove them back to Pike place and they walked down by the river in the dark.  

“I was so pissed at you that I threw my phone in the river one time.” Kelley said as their steps found a slow pace and Kelley just held on tight to Hope’s bicep.  

“I must have really fucked up. What did I do that time?”  

“You ignored me for two years you asshole.” Kelley chuckled.  

“Ah. “ Hope chuckled. “You should have known that.  

The darkness was irrelevant when it came to determining each other’s emotions and responses because Kelley could feel the way Hope’s body shook with laughter.  And a long time ago, much longer than was actually appropriate, a connection so rare and unjustly beautiful was made and nothing like the black night could sever that connection. Time and distance hadn't. 

“I should have never gone after someone older.” Kelley joked. “They’re always assholes.   

“You’re right. Time isn’t going to fix it. I’ll always be older.” Hope said softly and knowingly if the history that came with the two of them.  

“You’ll always be an asshole.” Kelley joked.  

“Yeah yeah.” Hope waved her off.  

They told jokes and stories that they were sure they would have told each other if they were given the chance all those years. For a good solid couple of hours, the world melted away and Hope felt okay ignoring the texts being sent to her phone from her wife. 

When Hope had eventually dropped Kelley off, and the door to her passenger side of her seat, that's when Hope started to think about the decisions she was making, and the consequences to be dealt. 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

THIRD DAY OF CAMP 

 

Everyone should have known the drill by now. Today was the easiest day for all of the staff. But of course, it never really worked all that smoothly. A lot of coaches ended up not being able to make it, and Hope had to resort just doing a bunch of little scrimmages with such few staff. She was thankful that Leo and his buddy had shown up to supervise. Even Carli had shown up at the last minute, vowing to pretend for the kids that she knew anything about the sport. 

"OMG is that Lionel Messi?!?" Kelley said with big eyes when she saw her long time friend walking up. A few kids had excitedly turned around hoping to see the famed Argentinian, but found themselves pouting at the realization that it was just some normal looking guy that walk beaming at Kelley. 

Hope had shooed him and his friend away after five minutes of  loitering around the table where Kelley was sitting to sign some autographs and take some pictures with campers. She felt it was time enough for them to catch up. 

The rotation of kids went smoothly so that everyone had a chance to get Kelley' signature. By the fifth group, Kelley's hand was hurting. 

"Amy, I think that I want your signature, instead." Kelley said when that stubborn favorite of hers had approached the table. 

The little girl grabbed the sharpie from Kelley's hand without asking and signed her name in cursive on the woman's shirt without waiting to see if it was okay. Kelley looked at Hope like it was the funniest and most shocking thing she has ever witnessed. 

"Keep it." Amy said sweetly. "I'll be famous one day." 

Parents and kids giggled. 

"Yeah you will be, kid." Kelley said softly as she affectionately tapped Amy's head before the girl went and found her mom. Hope smirked at the thought. 

 

 

~~ 

 

The Q&A was so funny and refreshing and Hope took her hands off the steering wheel while Heather's people did their thing in setting up the microphone and the cameras and phones used to livestream whatever Kelley had to say. 

Hope had to admit that the team of people that made this whole thing, the camp and the social media campaign, a success, were some pretty competent folks. She was very impressed. They had structured the crowd of parents and kids to be behind Kelley so that the crowd (a huge one already) looked a lot bigger on the screen if you were watching.  

And Kelley was an absolute natural in front of the camera. It wasn't really that much of a surprise since she had always been the most loved and the most charming and the most athletic, she had been as a kid and still was, but Hope couldn't help but feel like Sky Blue was really missing out on making her something in front of the camera. 

The questions were funny and cute, and Kelley expertly managed to answer them in a way that made the crowd laugh at every single questioned aimed at her. 

She even managed to weave in her desires to come back to Georgia, but left out the way she was going to find herself back here. 

"Kelley – some people say that you used to play with Alex Morgan. What would you think it would be like if you guys played on the same team again?" 

Hope bit her lip at that innocent question from that 14 year old that she recognized as a kid that loved Alex like an idol. 

"Well um...” Kelley cleared her throat before she eloquently put it. "Alex Morgan means so much to me. And I've been really really  _really_ fortunate to have her in my life on and off the field. Competing against her is an absolute terror because she's such a menace in the box. Competing against her for a spot on the same team, well..it's a losing game. She's a dynamic striker with a nose for the goal and this magic about her. I don't think she realizes how much potential she has. 

So to answer your question kid, if we played on the same team again, like we do on the National team, it would be one heck of a ride trying to chase her greatness. I guess I would just be lucky enough to be wearing the same jersey she would be when I look up at the scoreboard." 

Hope smiled. Kelley looked at her for a second after wrapping up the answer to that unexpected question, and smiled back too. 

Question after question and this was soon becoming a thirty minute event that was running overschedule but Heather had walked over to Hope with an iPhone that had the live stats of the numbers of people that had tuned into the live stream. It was in the clear 100Ks, and Hope felt like maybe it was okay if it ran a little over. People loved Kelley. 

"Last question." Some guy with headphones on had yelled out. 

Heather had pointed to little Amy who had her questions written on a 3x5 note card that the other kids who had asked a question had as well. Kelley had made sure that she was specifically picked. 

"Kelley – who is your biggest inspiration?" 

The crowd cooed in adoration of little Amy's adorableness. Kelley had swallowed as she processed that question, and there was a few seconds of silence. Hope felt a little concerned. 

"Take all the time you need!" A man (Leo) yelled from within the crowd.  The crowd roared with laughter. It diffused all the tension in Kelley's body. 

"Um..." Kelley shifted her weight from leg to leg. "It's...It-it's funny you ask me that Amy. Um... If you guys don't mind...” She looked out at the crowd and looked for approval, "I was actually supposed to give a speech of my own some time later today, but that speech was about my inspiration, but uh...I think now would be a good time to give it. If that's cool?" Kelley looked over at Heather, Mitts who nodded. 

"Is that cool?" She asked the crowd. It was met with loud approval.  

Kelley reached into her pocket of her Under Armour jacket and pulled out this grubby looking piece of paper that she had stuffed into her pocket. Hope furrowed her brow in curiosity. She looked to the side to see Syd and Carli stand next to her as Kelley cleared her throat. Syd winked at her. 

"So...in my hand right here, is this essay that I wrote a LONG TIME AGO. LONG LONG TIME AGO for my English teacher Mr. Stevens. And I had a friend give it to me recently, and I think that it's relevant." Kelley cleared her throat. 

"And I warn you all, please don't judge me for my writing, I was a kid." 

The crowd laughed. 

Kelley read every single word on that paper: 

 

 

 _The Only Goalkeeper I Could Never Hate_  

   
   
 

 _By: Kelley O’Hara_  

   
   
 

 _I never wanted to be ‘just a kid from Peachtree City.’ My sister Erin said I was meant to be the best, while my mom said I was meant to serve others from my heart and my head. I think they were both right. I grew up playing soccer my whole life. My weekends as a kid consisted of sunshine, sunblock, and sliced oranges, while my mom carted me off to my many games. And when I had outgrown the sliced oranges, it was sunshine, sunblock, and tournaments. No one ever had to push me to like this sport, because I loved it. No one loved it for me._  

 _Being in a soccer jersey has set my life apart from everyone else. It has taken me across the world. I used to be a kid that hated to sleep anywhere else other than in my own bed. But soccer has forced me to sleep in hotel beds in so many other countries because I've been lucky to be talented enough to play it for my country on the youth national stage. There is no highest honor for me, to be able to serve this country in a red, white, and blue kit._  

 _It has even let me meet some of the most interesting and wonderful people on this Earth. One time, I met Mia Hamm at a conference. I’ve even met my best friends through soccer. Alex Morgan is quite possibly the fiercest, most loyal human being on the planet, who I knew would go to jail for me (don’t worry I haven’t done anything yet)_ I still haven't, cross your fingers -   _Tobin Heath is the most interesting and artistic human being I’ve encountered. And Ashlyn Harris is the funniest, most caring, gentle giant I’ve ever met. (I should really change the title, because I could never hate her). But most importantly, because of soccer, I've met my biggest inspiration._  

Kelley paused for quite a bit before continuing. 

 _My coach is THE scariest, most intimidating, intense person that has ever walked this Earth, I am sure. When you challenge her, she gives you this stare that pierces through and into your soul and makes you second guess all of the decisions you’ve ever made in your life. She was an amazing soccer player back in the day. She never talks about it, but some articles in Spanish that Tobin and myself had found, called her a throwaway with a magical foot and a phenom in the goal. My coach doesn't ever talk about her childhood, but it's been documented that her birth was here in the states, but she had been listed as a girl academy player overseas when she was a little girl. The time in between her birth and the year she shows up on those registration lists are her business, but I figure that's when her love for soccer developed._  

 _She is still the youngest female athlete to have signed onto the women’s side of FC Barcelona, and the only person EVER, both female and male, to be signed on as a goalkeeper and a field player. She’s still the record holder to this day for the most shutouts in a season in La Liga (women’s side), and most career goals scored by a goalkeeper. One interesting fact about her, is that during a game in Mexico, she tore her arm completely open on a nail on the goalpost and had to get emergency surgery to sew it closed._  

 _She played two weeks after._  

 _The first time I met my Coach was during my sophomore year, when she had taken over for the retired Coach previous coach. One of the first things she made us do was run 120’s, which was basically a legal form of torture in which she made us run the length of the soccer field, and expected us to make it in an insanely impossible amount of time. I thought, ‘who is this woman, a former goalkeeper, think she is, making us run? Goalkeepers don’t run!’_  

 _To understand this fully, I’m a striker._ Not anymore! _And I hate goalkeepers. Goalkeepers are just nuisances and obstacles from your glory and success. I even hate the ones on my own teams, because they block all of my shots during practice (except Ashlyn, she's great). And at the time, it had irked me so much that a goalkeeper was making us to do sprints._  

 _“We can’t go anymore!” I had yelled at her through my heavy gasps for air. She looked at me with an anger that made me cringe. But she didn’t say anything. She just took off her jacket, got on the line, and then ran the eight 120’s that we had left, beating every single one of us by at least 20 yards, every time._  

 _She pulled me aside after we had finished, and told me something that I will never forget: “Don’t ever tell me that you can’t go anymore. You have two healthy legs and a life ahead of you.” I don't think that any other statement could be more accurate._  

 _Another thing you may not know about my coach, is that she had to get her shoulder replaced at the age of 24. That’s an extremely young age to get that type of surgery, that didn’t have to be, but ultimately became career-ending. I searched and searched for any articles that talked about how she progressed in rehab, but I couldn’t find anything. But, I did learn that six months after the surgery, she had signed on with an American club called the Seattle Reign FC._  

 _She only played one game with them before she retired._  

 _Google told me that she had small stints coaching at some small semi-pro clubs before she had landed a Director of coaching job in Peachtree City. I asked her one day why she ended up taking this job in Georgia of all places. She had been all over the world in her young adult life, and it baffled me that she chose this location._  

 _“There’s talent all over the world, worth looking at. Even in Peachtree City.” She told me._  

 _So this wise woman’s life and words are my inspiration. Her expletive-filled yells on the sideline for me to ‘stop cheating myself’ and ‘to give it my all’, in addition to the gentle, honest-filled advice she gives me when she talks to me off the field, are the reasons that I got to where I am. She is the reason why I’m just a kid from Peachtree City, hopefully one step closer to making my professional dreams come true._    
 

 _And that’s why she is the only goalkeeper that I could never hate._  

 

Kelley folded the paper back up again, and she was thankful for the crowd's revered silence, because she had spilled the most innocent parts of her love for Hope to the whole word. Those words, from that kid, were still relevant now as she looked up to find Hope Solo, who had her hands in her face, her tell-tale sign. 

It took her a second to realize that the woman was crying by the way Syd was comforting her. 

"If you guys didn't know who that essay was about...” Kelley's voice was shaking as she spoke into the microphone, "you guys should really study up on the owner of this club, Hope Solo." 

The crowd cheered and awed and the cameras had been turned onto Hope who laughed at the fact that the thousands of people on the internet and the many in front of her could now see her tear stricken face. Syd comforted her with a hug, so did Carli. 

Kelley was thankful that the cameras were off of her as she wiped the tear that had escaped from her left eye. 

She locked eyes with Hope and she shrugged, as to simple say  _I love you._  

Hope nodded,  _I love you too._  

 

 

 _~~_  

 

“You weren’t here when I found myself again on field 1 over there.” Kelley said when the complex was empty again. “You were in Mexico.” 

The older woman nodded.  

“I spent my confused summers and winter breaks here. I was really sad when Carli told me that you had sold it.” Kelley said as they walked  

“I think it’s also kinda the place where me and Alex started.” She admitted as she slowed down her pace and looked at Hope.  

“Have you talked to Alex?” Hope asked.  

“I haven’t.” Kelley shook her head.  

“You need to talk to her.” Hope said gently. Kelley nodded.  

“I’m married, Kelley.” Hope said softly.  

“You’re married.” Kelley repeated that fact, her body deflating slowly.  

“Can I show you something?” Hope asked. Kelley didn’t really have a choice so she felt powerless as she dragged her legs back up the path to the office. The buzz from that speech was slowly dying at the sound of those words 'I'm married, Kelley' When they had gotten to the door and Hope had entered in before her, she stopped in her tracks, refusing to enter.  

Hope stating that she was married felt like the final rejection. The final one that was going to end all of this. After all, it made sense since Kelley had just declared her love for Hope for the last and final time before she would make Hope Solo finally choose. 

“Come here.” Hope said gently when she saw that Kelley wasn’t going to budge. There was this unreadable expression on her face.  

“Kell. C’mon.” Hope said as she held out her hand for Kelley to take.  

Kelley refused. It was coming out like vomit, this ultimatum. Hope's smile felt like some false hope, but she couldn't help it as the words came out. 

“Hope. I think I’m quite literally too old and too tired to suffer through life’s bullshit that has gotten you here with a tattoo around your finger, and me begging you to leave her.” Kelley said seriously, her voice shaking just a little.  

“Cuz that’s what I’m doing right now! Be with me.” Kelley said. “Yes or no? That’s all I want to know.”  

Hope chuckled a little.  

“Can I show you something first before I answer?” 

“What the fuck, Hope.....” 

Hope looked on with her smile never wavering. 

"Fine." Kelley took her hand and joined her into the office space.  

She didn’t know what could have been so important, something she hadn’t seen since she was last in here, but when Hope turned her around to face the wall that used to be empty, she understood.  

“Alex was here the other day. She chose which ones to hang.” Hope said as she observed Kelley look at this professionally put together shrine full of pro players that had come from Georgia. She read the glowing caption under Christen’s picture. She looked at the awesome action shot of Tobin in the process of megging someone in her USA jersey. There were pictures of Crystal in her Spirit uniform and Leo in his Atlanta reserves jersey before he had gotten injured.  

But she kept her eyes on the one right in the middle. It was different than the rest of them. It wasn’t an action shot, or a picture of a glorious goal celebration. It was a picture of Alex and Kelley with their arms around each other after what seemed like the match that Kelley had gotten her red card. She could tell because the background of the picture was the ATL stadium and Kelley was already dressed back into her Sky Blue warmups while Alex was still sweaty from the 90 minutes. Present day Kelley’s chest felt a painful pang at the love that picture Kelley had in her eyes as she was looking at Alex who was looking straight at the camera.  

It was captioned ‘Just a couple kids from Peachtree City’ 

“Before you ask me again, I think you owe it to yourself to talk to that woman in that picture.” She heard Hope say from behind her.  

 

 

~~ 

 

 

The Sky Blue forward had elected to run all the way to Alex's apartment. That night they had broken up, her body had managed to make the trek, and she felt like she should do it again, she owed it to Alex. Plus, the run would clear her head. 

She found herself unlucky though when Alex didn't answer her door after thirty minutes of knocking. Kelley didn't even think she was there since she couldn't spot Alex's car in the parking lot.  The run back wasn't a challenging one anyways. She had promised Hope that she wouldn't come back until she had talked to Alex, so she made her way back to her own home to look for her car, or at least for a few hours, a bed. 

Her legs had traveled a very long distance that day, and she was closed to a pure state of exhaustion, one that let her mind empty of the semi- embarrassing, but so worth it, moment when she realized what she had done on live (internet) TV. That simple exchange of non-verbal proclamations of love that had alluded the face of the camera made it all worth it. She had been waiting for that her whole life. 

The sun looked ready to fall asleep as she turned onto her own street, and she had chosen to walk the last stretch for a cool down. 

But that was the last thing her heart was going to do at the sight of the beautiful figure of Alex Morgan sitting on her front door step, waiting for Kelley to say all she needed to say. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you've enjoyed this chapter and this story with all you heart because I think I've given all of mine to you in this fic. One more update. Let's do this.


	30. I'm Deciding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It won't please everyone, but hopefully the journey was worth it.

Nobody liked being in the heat. 

"I really don't know why they chose to have the wedding here, of all fucking places." Ashlyn mumbled as she wiped the sweat from her face. 

"Stop being a fucking party pooper." Julie said as she rolled her eyes and helped put out more chairs that were supposed to be set up in the backyard. 

"It's intimate and both of their families are here, and everyone gets to come back!" Crystal said excitedly. 

Ashlyn was not in agreement with her friends. She just rolled her eyes at Crystal's enthusiasm. The summer heat was definitely getting to her, something that she hasn't experienced for a good amount of years, being spoiled by the cool Seattle air.  

"Stop complaining." Leo said. 

After a few seconds in which they glared at each other, she complied. She figured it was the least she could do, seeing as she wasn't going to be the one wearing a very beautiful, yet uncomfortable looking white dress for this wedding in this heat, the day before they flew out to London. 

Ashlyn thought to herself that she wasn't half the woman Christen Press was, to be able to do all of that. 

"So remind me again, why isn't Alex and Kelley helping with the setup?" Leo asked as she carried a table over his sweaty head to the far end of the Christen's childhood home's backyard. 

"Kelley's making sure that Christen doesn't lose her shit, and Alex is making sure that Tobin doesn't sneak off and try to visit Christen the day before the wedding." Julie offered as the explanation as she took a sip from her bottled water. 

"Well shit, why couldn't I have had that job?" Leo muttered. 

"Stop complaining." Ashlyn said with a pointed smirk. He stuck his tongue out at her like a 5 year old. They all decided to take a rest around the cooler filled with waters that Stacy Press had brought out in thanks for setting up for the big day tomorrow. 

"I don't know, that kind of seems like a hard job trying to tell Tobin what to do. Who can actually tether her back to Earth other than Christen?" Crystal asked. They all agreed. 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

Trying to dodge Alex Morgan was quite the challenging task. 

"Where are you going?" 

"Why are you reaching for your keys?" 

"Who are you texting? You don't need to text anyone." 

"I'll order delivery if you really need food." 

"Sunlight is for the weak. I can get you vitamin D pills." 

Alex had a question for Tobin's every movement, and an answer to every question Tobin threw her way. It almost seemed impossible that she was going to be able to escape her.  

"Alex, I love you, but I need to go to the restroom....by myself." Tobin said with a nod and an expectant smile as she pointed Alex to go back down the other of her hallway. Alex narrowed her eyes in suspicion but backed off, just a little. 

"Fine, but I'm going to time you." Alex said. 

"Al!" Tobin laughed. "I drank a lot of water. If I want to piss for longer than 30 seconds, I can do that." She said as Alex messing with her apple watch, presumable to actually time Tobin. 

"Okay, 45." Alex said without looking up from her watch. 

Tobin just shook her head as she closed her door and locked it behind her. Then she shimmied herself out of the window above Alex's shower, and ran to her jeep before Alex would ever have a chance to realize what had happened. 

"FUCK!!" Alex yelled when the timer on her watch hit three minutes, and so did the realization that her house had a window in her bathroom. She kept shaking her head in disappointment in herself as she grabbed her keys and sent a quick text to Kelley, warning her of Tobin's possible appearance at her house where she was housing the bride.  

For Tobin, it was a plan that she had come up with on the spot the instant she had spotted that window. Her and Christen had agreed to avoid seeing each other the day before and the hours before they walked down the aisle, and she felt a little torn when she had turned the key in the ignition and drove off. She really wanted to see her fiancé. 

But she had to stick to the plan. It would make the moment she saw Christen in her white dress a little more satisfying if she delayed the moment she would lay eyes on her. So, as much as it killed her, she made way to Hope Solo's house. 

When Christen and Tobin had seen the 'No' on Hope's RSVP, they kind of took it personally.  Christen did so because at this point in their lives Hope was a real dear friend whom Christen couldn't imagine not being at her wedding, and Tobin because after all of this, Hope was still her idol. They had to admit, giving everyone 5 days’ notice of their wedding was a bit short. Especially since the wedding invites were over social media. But the absence of Hope was a little sad and they both actually wanted to get down to the real reason why the owner of ATL FC couldn't make it. Christen decided that it was a job of Tobin's since she would have to be the one wearing the dress and looking all pretty, a task that required rest for the day before. Tobin rolled her eyes, but agreed because pants would always be the better option. 

Tobin took a deep breath before she had knocked on the wooden door of the woman's house, realizing that she should have probably texted. Well there was nothing she could do now, and her phone was back in Alex's home. She hoped that Hope would answer. 

"Tobin Heath." The woman's came out softly. 

"That's a new accessory." Tobin pointed at the sling that Hope's arm was in. "What happened there? I didn't see that two weeks ago at the ATL game." 

"Oh this?" Hope chuckled a little before she winced in pain as she took a step and held her door out wider.  

"You want to come in?" Hope asked with a smile. 

Tobin happily agreed and took a hesitant look over her shoulder, making sure that Alex Morgan wasn't somehow behind her ready to hold her captive again. 

After offering her water and exchanging the usual niceties, Tobin got straight to the point. 

"Why are you not coming to the wedding?" She asked. 

"Shit...I'm sorry Tobs..." Hope shook her head, "Dude I've been really busy and I- dude I was going to call you guys, but I've lost track of time. I've just been going through...A LOT." 

"Is it because of Alex and Kelley?" Tobin asked. 

"No." Hope said gently. 

"Are you sure? Because Christen's planned it and we can get Ashlyn to make sure that if you wanted space from then-" 

All the while Hope kept shaking her head. 

"Tobs, Tobs. It has nothing to do with Kelley and Alex." Hope said with strength. "Like I said, it's my fault that I haven't really explained it all. But no, it has nothing to do with them. Kelley and I have had our talk about that all. I wouldn't miss your guys' special day because of that." 

"Okay." Tobin nodded, a little more at ease. "So then why? Because it's actually really shitty that you won't be there." 

"I'm sorry, kid." Hope said as she sat down on the couch in defeat, wincing a little as the motion jerked her arm up a little. "If I had known that you were going to have basically a shotgun wedding….” 

“Hope it’s literally 500 feet from your old house.” Tobin said with an expectant expression.  

"But 5 days dude?" Hope pushed. 

"Carpe diem, Hope Solo. Gotta freaking seize the moment! Plus what better time is there then the 'now'??" 

Hope smiled. 

"What's a better honeymoon than flying out to London the next day to win a fucking Olympics?" Tobin asked. 

"This is why you were my favorite Tobin Heath." Hope agreed. 

"I would have planned my surgery for a different day. But I can't hold off anymore with this doctor and the fact that my shoulder isn’t really attached to my body anymore.” Hope offered quickly.  

"What happened?" Tobin asked, a little more alarmed. 

"I got a vase thrown at it a few days ago like really hard." Hope said simply. "I think that was the last straw..." 

"Why'd you- how in the worl- what???" Tobin sputtered. "A vase?? Why?" 

“It wasn’t really the vase.” Hope waved it off. “It was a lifetime of mistreatment and a botched surgery. Don’t worry about it.” Hope said lightly.  

"Plus, you’re asking all the wrong questions, Tobs." Hope laughed. "The real question, is where do I go to get a tattoo removed?" 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

"It's going to be weird, you being married." Kelley said as she twiddled Christen's loose locks in between her hands. 

"You knew this day was going to happen." Christen smirked. 

"I knew that Tobin was a lucky person, yes.” Kelley said with a soft smile as she laid there propped on one arm looking at one of her best friends across her bed. 

"I'm getting married tomorrow." Christen whispered. 

Kelley nodded and her heart melted a little at the awed smile on the woman's face and the way she curled inwards at the joy of sharing her life with someone. Someone that she was meant to share it with. 

"Are you happy?" Kelley asked, knowing full well of the answer. 

"I am." Christen whispered before she reached under the sheets and grabbed Kelley's hand and held onto it tighter. With her other hand, she held Christen's face for a second. 

"I'm happy for you." Kelley said. 

There day together was a little more tamed and chilled than Tobin and Alex's. It was a day filled with movies and takeout and reminiscing about the old Stanford days. 

"Thank you for picking out the flowers. You always picked out the best ones for Alex." Christen said when they had nestled into bed at 9pm, knowing that Christen was going to need all the beauty rest for tomorrow. 

"I hope you like them. Alex always did." Kelley said. 

"How are you guys?" Christen asked softly. 

"We're okay." Kelley shrugged. 

"You sure?" Christen asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"This time is about you. And Tobin." Kelley answered gently. 

“Oh Kelley O’Hara.” Christen shook her head, “You’re ridiculous.” 

And Kelley just let that be the last thing Christen ever told her before the day she got married. She watched Christen slowly drift to sleep and she wondered what the woman would feel when her eyes fluttered awake and her mind would fill with the idea that she would spend her waking days with someone that was meant to be with her from day one.  

Kelley knew it would never be her on the opposite side of Christen while Leo said whatever he had to say as the only idiot with time to become an internet-ordained minister to wed Christen to the love of her life, but that little part of her that shared that split second of a moment after Tobin had proposed to her, tugged at her as she watched Christen's body rise and fall with her sleeping breaths.  

For a second she reprimanded herself for thinking about that very memorable 15 months she spent trying to get rid of the memory of a twenty-something year old Hope Solo out of her head while sharing her bed with Christen Press. She knew it would never work back then, but she thought about how her life would be if it did. Christen would never put up with her, she smiled at the thought. 

She also smiled at the thought that this woman in front of her was thinking about her and Alex on the day before her wedding.  So she forgave herself for thinking about it, because it was appropriate to think about all the women out there she didn't deserve. 

 

 

~~ 

 

"You look good O'Hara." Leo said with a smirk. 

"Didn't you learn to not hit on lesbians?" Kelley smirked. He just rolled his eyes in playful response and as he crossed to the other side of Christen's house and went to the room labeled "Tobin" where he would probably be psyching her up for the big day. 

Christen was having her fifth meditation session so Kelley chose that time to just relax, and her eyes stayed fix on the woman that she had chosen. 

   
Alex was making sure everything was in place, that her friend photographers were ready and present, that the food was ready, that their bags for the trip out to connect out of New York was all in one room. Alex was cleaning up all of the little messes and arranging everything that could be arranged before an impromptu wedding, basically. She was superwoman.  

Alex looked up to find a pair of eyes studying her carefully. 

She smiled.  

Kelley smiled back. She thought about the conversation her and Christen had just before she had closed the door to give the bride to be some peace. 

"Are you ready?" Kelley asked with a grin. 

"I've been engaged for fucking ever." Christen said with a face that didn't match her statement. It seemed like there was some real anxiety present. "What if marriage is completely different?" 

Kelley didn't think that she was the expert in providing any insight to it, but she sat down on the floor next to a very distressed and very beautiful bride that was sitting on the floor with her back up against the bed, looking like she had just been left at the altar. 

"What if it's exactly like it's been since the day Tobin proposed?" Kelley asked before she grabbed Christen's hand and gave it a kiss that she hoped would calm her down. 

"Yeah but now, on legal documents Tobin has to say that her last name is Press." Christen said frantically.  

"What if she decides that she doesn't want to do that anymore one day? What if she gets tired of seeing 'Press' on the Last name box of a form or some shit like that?" The bride to be had a great amount of panic, one that would most definitely make her feel uncomfortable in that corset underneath her dress. 

"She won't." Kelley gently offered. 

"How do you know thought? How do I know?" Christen asked. 

"Because... Kelley shrugged, "Tobin's yours. Nothing is comparable. She's your first cut." 

Christen's panic seemed to be put a pause on Kelley's choice of word. 

"First cut?" 

Kelley struggled to find the explanation. 

"I don't know, Chris. She's like the first heartbreak. The one that had it all. The one that will always have it all, no matter how many times you try to repair it, it's like fucking broken mirror." Kelley shrugged as Christen egged her to keep going. "I don't know...Tobin's yours and you're hers. Like it's no one else's fault but you only love once, and if you're unfortunate to lose that relationship, you spend the rest of your days trying to find something like it, or you replicate it. You know, not that you're life afterwards isn't valid, but like...that shit only happens once. And I guess, you and Tobin were lucky to live a life in which you found each other again.” 

Christen looked at Kelley like it was the first time she was seeing her. The woman in the white dress gulped hard before she stroked Kelley’s face.  

“Why did you call it the first cut?” Christen asked softly.  

Kelley shrugged again. “I don’t know. Isn't it painful? 

“At first.” Christen agreed. “But the life after seems pretty worth it.” 

“Well then I’m pretty sure Tobin's no idiot. No way she can get a girl like you to say that about her if she was a scrub...” Kelley offered to lighten the mood. "She wouldn't be stupid and get over you." 

Christen smiled at that. She relaxed.  

"Only someone truly remarkable can have you Christen Press." Kelley whispered before she helped Christen get up, and get ready ready to marry the love of her life. 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

Alex noticed the faraway look that Kelley had in her eyes when she smiled a little sadly at her. She didn't know where Kelley's mind was, but she brushed it off, thinking about the wedding that was about to happen in 30 minutes. She didn't think she could be that selfish towards Tobin in forgetting that today was her and Christen's day. So instead of going to Kelley and giving her a kiss on the cheek like she usually would, she crossed the room and went to Tobin's room. 

She shook her head when she entered the room to find Tobin bawling her eyes out saying "I love her so much" over and over again. Next to her was Leo, who looked absolutely mortified and useless when a woman was emotional, sitting next to her. 

"You're gonna ruin your makeup!" Alex shouted with authority. She pushed Leo aside, basically knocked him off the bed, and then gave Tobin a good slap in the face. 

"WHAT THE FUCK AL??" Tobin shouted. Not only was she emotional, but now she had a palm sized stinging sensation on her left cheek. 

"Pull it together woman." Alex instructed. "You're about to get married for fuck's sake." 

Tobin looked at her with widened eyes filled with fear. 

"Now's not the time to act like this! Woman up. Wipe those goddamn tears you fucking mess, and then get ready to hold it together for the 15 minute ceremony that is going to define your life!" Alex shouted. 

Then she turned to Leo. 

"Go outside and go to your position and start rehearsing what you're gonna say!" She demanded. He quickly left the room, too scared to see what would happen if he disobeyed. 

When he left the room she went straight to the bathroom, grabbed the roll of toilet paper, and then softly dabbed at the tears on Tobin's face. 

"You're getting married." Alex said softly, a huge contrast to 5 seconds prior. "You gotta be ready for it." 

Tobin nodded. Alex was right, she couldn't be a mess when she got out and finally saw her bride. 

"What if she runs away, Al? What if she's not going to walk down the aisle?" Tobin begged for the answer. 

"She is!" Alex pushed back. 

"How do you know Al??" Tobin once again, begged. 

"Because I'm more sure of Christen's love for you than anything else out there." And it was true. Because she was more sure of Christen Press' love for the woman in front of her than her own girlfriend that was somewhere near her, but her thoughts so far away. 

"Stand up." Alex instructed. She soothed out the three piece suit that Tobin had on, fixed whatever makeup had managed to get smudged, looked her right in the face before she said, "This is your one and only chance to make Christen yours forever. Don't fuck it up." 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

Tobin didn't. The right amount of tears had escaped her eyes at the sight of Christen in a white dress, and she managed to get the 'I do's' out at the right time. Alex was proud.  

The wedding was small, with only a few of Christen’s closest Reign teammates and her immediate family on one side, and a couple of Thorns teammates and Tobin’s immediate family present. Of course, in addition to the Starr’s mill soccer team of back in the day. Everyone sat on white folded lawn chairs that Alex had ordered in bulk when Tobin had announced their plan to get married. All of the flowers had been picked out by Kelley, and the makeup done by Julie and Crystal collectively. Leo and Ashlyn had been in charge of buying something that would provide shade for this Georgia heat. 

Kelley stood as the maid of honor on Christen’s side, with no other bridesmaid, while a woman named Allie stood on Tobin’s side. As maids of honor, they both tried to hold in their tears as well. When Leo went on about some part about loving forever, Kelley looked right at Alex. But she couldn’t make eye contact since Alex’s tearful eyes were fixating on the couple on display.  

The wedding was beautiful and intimate and it didn’t matter that it was at the back of Christen’s old childhood home. Tobin and Christen could have gotten married in an alley, and it still would have been beautiful because those two people and the life they were going to create together was beautiful.  

When Leo said the line, “and now you may kiss the bride,” Christen grabbed Tobin’s face and gave her a big wet one in front of everyone with an urgency that yelled, “finally!” 

It earned a lot of whistles.  

Tobin and Christen literally had no time alone since the reception of the wedding was right there in the backyard as well. But they took the path back to one of the rooms where they would change into more comfortable outfits and do whatever newlywed couples do when they had a locked room to themselves.  

Ashlyn and Alex turned on the Christmas lights that they had setup to create a float atmosphere. The setup was actually quite impressive, but they didn’t fret too much that the married couple weren’t out here to admire it. They were busy doing other stuff. The guests brought out the food that Christen’s family had bought and they started to pour the alcohol drinks that Tobin’s family had bought.  

It was a fun, beautiful, and heart-filled party that everyone was having fun at. They weren’t t supposed to get drunk, but it was a rule they all decided to break together. Every soccer player there took a shot for every 10 mins that the married couple failed to show up for their own reception.  

Kelley had to stop at the third shot. All of the uswnt-ers has to stop at the fifth one.  

“So I heard that you’re going to find out about who is starting the first Olympics game, as soon as you land.” Ashlyn said as she nudged Alex in the arm.  

“Yep! No time to breathe.” Alex said with a chuckle.  

“Well, good luck.” Ash offered.  

“I think for the first time in my life….I don’t need it.” Alex said pleasantly. “I don’t care if it’s starting or if I never play a minute in London. I’m just thankful that I’m there, ya know.” 

Ash nodded at the positive outlook that her friend had. 

“That’s very un- Alex of you.” Ash said with a chuckle. That earned one from her friend as well.  

“Well...Christen’s getting married and I know that she’s honestly not thinking about it at the moment. And Kelley, well we’ve figured it out on how to deal with it. All is good in the world.” 

“You’ve been in top form, too.” Ash offered.  

“It feels good.” Alex nodded. She took a sip of her beer and snuck a look at her girlfriend who was telling Leo some animated story. Ash followed her gaze.  

“How are you, two?” 

“We’re okay.” Alex said without taking her eyes off of the woman that had decided to be with her.  

"Just okay?" Really, Ash didn't know why she was inquiring since the answer was obvious. The couple hadn't really spent any time together since Tobin and Christen's announcement, and no one thought it really was because they were too busy. 

Alex shrugged and gave Ashlyn a face that made her want to stop questioning the woman about Kelley O'Hara. 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

"Nice of you to join your own reception." Kelley smirked when Tobin had sat down next to her. 

"We fell asleep." Tobin said with a shrug, not willing to look Kelley in the face. 

They both sat on the deck of Christen's house and silently sat next to one another sipping on a beer, watching everyone else laugh and enjoy life. The moment was easily one to soak in. 

"How does it feel to be married?" Kelley asked as she clinked the bottom of heft bottle on Tobin's arm. 

"To be honest..." Tobin smirked after much thought. "It feels no different." 

"Really?" Kelley asked, genuinely intrigued by that answer. 

"Really." Tobin nodded. "I mean, there's not much difference other than I'm wearing this thing on my finger. We made that commitment to each other awhile ago." 

"Well that's...anti-climactic." Kelley said with a pout. 

"Eh." Tobin shrugged. "It was beautiful seeing her in that dress, don't get me wrong. But I think that the proposal and that choice to be with her and only her, I mean I think that was kinda more special, ya know? 

Kelley sipped on her beer in thought. 

"You think it was a choice to spend your life together, Tobs? You don't think it was destiny?" Kelley asked, her thoughts far away again. 

"I don't know Kell....maybe it was...but I think we all have a choice. I mean, Chris didn't have to say yes. But she did...Thank fucking god she did." Tobin said with a smile. Kelley followed her gaze towards the woman in a different white dress who was eating cake on a table with Ash and Alex and chatting away and drinking beer like they didn't have an Olympics in a few days to go play in. 

"I loved her too, but I think you can take better care of her." Kelley said with smile. 

"Thanks, Kell." Tobin responded. "I'd say that I'll take care of her, but let's be real, she'll be taking care of me." 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

***3 MONTHS AGO*** 

 

"My feelings for Alex just don't go away, Hope." Kelley said, her heart beating in her chest as she held onto Hope's hand, hoping that she wouldn't go away either. 

"I know." Hope said with a gentle nod. 

"I...I...I- I owe it to her. For putting up with all of my shit for my whole life!" Kelley vehemently explained. "I think she deserves another...fuck I don't know... a chance? Another go? I don't know...” The younger was panicking because she didn't quite know what she was trying to tell Hope, and as she looked at the woman before her, she wasn't quite sure what decision she was supposed to make. 

"I get it, cap." Hope said with her head down, but her voice soft. 

"No! This feels like I'm choosing her, but I'm not!" But she was. And Hope was okay with it, as much as she could be. She just held Kelley close who was sobbing into her chest. 

"Kell, my life's been about doing what I want and the consequences of it. And...honestly...I wouldn't change it." The younger woman wiped her tears and looked up at her. "I would pick you again, over and over and over again. And I'd deal with the consequences, knowing that you'd end up with someone else...So...I'm not going to fight you on the choices you make and what you think is best, and what you want to do, kiddo." 

"I feel like I don't have a choice. Like I owe it to her. I love her. I want to give that to her!" Kelley explained as she held on tight to Hope's shirt. 

"Okay. Then give it to her." Hope said softly. 

"But...I love you Hope Solo." Kelley said that like it was the last breath she had, like it would be the last words she could ever speak. "I can't love someone as much as I love you." 

"And I don't know why I'm telling you this and why I'm saying these words, but I just owe it to her." Kelley managed to croak out the words. 

"All I want is the best for you." Hope said as she looked away in an attempt to hide the tear that was threatening her sinuses that it was gonna fall. 

Kelley backed away from Hope's touch a little in order to get a little breather. She looked behind the woman at the house that contained the wife inside and the life the woman had built. 

"Why did you have to leave?" It was basically a rhetorical question, one that even though it were to be answered, it wouldn't change anything in the moment. 

"Why couldn't you and I have just fucking worked? We went through so much shit trying to make it work for a few months out of our lives, why didn't it work?" Kelley asked. 

"I don't know, little one." Hope shrugged. “It was just choice after choice after choice. And you fell in love with someone else." 

"Didn't you??" Kelley cried as she pointed at the scene behind her. 

"Kell..." Hope said in a mild admonishing way, like ' don't even compare my love for you to my love for this other woman'. 

"No please!" Kelley put her hands in her face. "Please tell me that us not being together is NOT just because of me!" 

Hope could hear the desperation in Kelley's plea. 

"I want this! I do! I-I-Hope I-" Kelley didn't know what else to say that she hadn't said already.  

"You owe it to Alex." The older woman whispered. 

"I love her." Kelley sighed. 

"I know."  

"I love you too." Kelley said like it was a truth that she would never stop uttering. 

Hope nodded. 

"Th-this isn’t the end, Hope.” Kelley tried to desperately cling on to what she was supposed to come here to sever.  

“I think it has to be, for Alex.” That tear that Hope was trying to hide definitely fell at that statement.  

 _I can’t._  

Kelley couldn’t think about actually ending something that she’s had with Hope Solo for near a damn decade.  

“I’m not gonna say this is over.” Kelley pushed.  

“You don’t need to.” Hope sighed.  

“Please hold on to me.” Kelley begged. Hope hesitated for a second because inside the house behind her was this woman that still meant something to her. But she would do anything for Kelley.  

Even let her go.  

“If you need me to do something to make you feel loved, I’ll do it.” Hope admitted.  

She fled the premises and bowed down to Kelley’s last request that they spend the night together.  

And when she opened her eyes the next morning and saw out of the peripherals that the hotel room was empty, she figured it was another one of those consequences she was to face. This one hurt, but she figured that for the amount of times she ran away, it was her turn to be left.  

 

******

 

~~ 

 

 

“Hey.”  

Alex smiled at the sound of her girlfriend’s voice.  

“Hey stranger.” 

The outdoor lights illuminated the beauty of the night and definitely of the beauty of Kelley O’Hara. She held on to Kelley’s hand and searched her face for some kind of emotion that she could read. It was getting hard to do that recently.  

“I feel like I haven’t talked to you all night.” Kelley said after a sip of the beer that she was getting ready to put down for the night.  

“Kell…when are you gonna get married?” Alex asked dreamily as she kept her eyes on the dancing figures of the newlyweds spinning to some music that was blasting out of speaker that Leo’s buddy had brought and connected his iPhone too.  

“You mean when are  _we_ going to get married, Al?” Kelley corrected.  

“Yeah.” Alex shook her head like she was confused. “I mean when are we going to get married? This seems like such a beautiful fucking…this is beautiful.” 

“They’re a beautiful couple.” Kelley whispered in agreement.  

She looked at Alex watch them and for a second in time, Kelley figured that this woman would be that something similar. Alex Morgan was a spectacular woman and Kelley could only bow down to the consequences of her choices. 

"You think we could ever get married before an Olympics like they did?" Kelley asked as she sat down next to her. 

"Nah. My family would kill me." She chuckled in the thought. "It would have to be some time in the off season. A proper wedding." 

Kelley nodded at that. 

"Where would it be?" Alex asked. She looked at Kelley. 

"I don't know. I figure in Atlanta since we both play here now?" 

Alex cleared her throat at that. 

"What if we don't both play here when we get married?" She inquired. 

"Where would you be?" Kelley picked up her beer again. That was an interesting question. 

"What if I was in Portland?" Alex looked down at her feet when she asked it. 

Kelley took a sip of her beer, one of the last ones she could take from the bottle. Another feeling was starting to enter her and her eyes twitched at what Alex's line of questions meant. 

"Are you going to Portland?" 

No words came out of the both of them. They both opted to watch the last dying steps of the dance of the newlyweds. 

"Should I?" Alex asked in response. 

"It's up to you, babe. We could get married in Atlanta, in Portland, whatever. It's up to you." Kelley said. 

"You'd still want to marry me if I moved to Portland?" Alex in genuine shock. She regarded Kelley seriously. 

"Why wouldn't I?" 

"What kind of wedding do you want?" Alex pushed. 

"Haven't thought about it." Kelley shrugged. But that seemed like the wrong answer, so she added, "I mean, a small wedding might not seem possible with your family, so I could always have a big one." 

Alex nodded slowly and she returned the smile that Kelley was aiming at her, but to Kelley, there seemed to be a hint of sadness amongst the lines of her face. She didn't know if it was the trick of the light. 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

"What are you doing out here?" Kelley asked as she looked out at Ashlyn in the front lawn of Christen's house. Her longtime friend smirked at her before she walked up to the porch and joined her spot next to her. 

"I guess I can ask you the same thing." Ashlyn said with a smirk. 

"Ali's in there. Why are you out here?" Kelley asked suspiciously.  

"Alex is back there. What are you doing up here?" Ash pushed back. 

They stood at a standoff.  

Ash gave in first. "Nah, I went to check and see if anyone still lived in Hope's old house. Ali said that no one lived there but I think I saw a car out front." 

"Ah." Kelley nodded her head. 

"You talk to her recently?" Ashlyn asked as she offered a beer from the cooler at her feet, one that Kelley refused. 

"Of course not." Kelley said as she ran her hands through her hair. 

"Tobin tells me she's not married anymore." Ashlyn said before she closed the lid to the cooler. There was silence for a few seconds before she heard Kelley's feet shuffle across the wooden planks of the porch. 

"Oh. I-Is that right?" Kelley responded.  

Ashlyn didn't even turn her body to face her friend. She just twisted the cap off her own bottle of beer and nodded.  

"That's right." She whispered into the night. She didn't hear anything from behind her, she didn't even hear Kelley's breaths. She must have been holding them in. 

"I gotta go, Ash." She heard the voice after a good long pause. 

Ashlyn didn't find it surprising that instead of retreating back into the backyard, that Kelley walked down to the driveway and down the street where Peachtree would swallow her into its maze of streets. 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

The heels were left abandoned somewhere on the road. The pins in her hair were tossed somewhere in the grass. And her dress was thrown on the ground of her bedroom. For a second she stood there in her bra and underwear in a still posture, zoned out.  

But only for a second, because after that she put on a shirt and running shoes, and she didn't know where she was going to go, but she was just going to go. Her phone left behind. 

No new thought coursed through her brain. No new emotions injected into her veins. She was just overwhelmed, and she just needed to do this. She would apologize to Tobin and Christen, but if the night continued like it had been previously, the two wouldn't even notice the people there at the reception. They were in their own world. Alex would understand. She wouldn't know why she did it, but she would know what she was doing.  

So she just carried her feet. She carried them all over Peachtree City in the dark, no worries of someone coming to mess with her because after all it was Peachtree. She knew these streets like the back of her hand and now that she was living here instead of opting to live in Atlanta with her sister, she didn't even need the streetlights to navigate her way. And it wasn't like she had a destination in mind.  

She just didn't want to think about that new piece of information she had just learned, so she knew what spots to avoid. 

Being in Peachtree didn't feel as world ending as she thought it would be. It was actually quite comforting. She remembered that as a kid the thought of a 25 year old Kelley coming back and living in a house she bought in Peachtree, would be something like rock bottom, but on the contrary, it was the best. 

She didn't have to rent at an astronomical rate for a suitable accommodation like she did in Jersey, Erin and her husband were over all the time, and the drive to the stadium was a piece of cake. Her mom and dad even came over for the housewarming and held her tightly as she hung up a family portrait of them in her living room.  

She was also a lot closer to Alex. They resumed their lives together. It wasn't seamless, but they had managed to do it. Kelley had to admit, the relationship seemed a little muted since that camp, but it was to be expected and they both had vowed to work through whatever it was that they had to work through. The fact that they were in training mode for the Olympics helped it also. Their focus had to be on the soccer and the will to win their first major competition with the full team's jersey on.  The perks of being on the same team meant that they went to training together and they left it together. ATL needed Kelley in their back four, something that Kelley didn't mind at all since her talks with Pia were that her competitive edge was her versatility. That, and because it was something that her and her girlfriend didn't need to compete for.  

Atlanta loved her. But the love was different than the one that they showed Alex.  Alex Morgan was the star, she was the striker, and she was the goal scorer. Kelley O'Hara though, she was the Hometown Hero, the savior in the back, simply dubbed as 'The Kid.' 

This was all good enough for her. It humbled her every night that she stepped onto ATL's pitch, knowing that 20 miles out west, was that good ol' town of hers. 

This town of hers, she just walked and walked and walked, hoping that it would rid her mind of thoughts she just quite honestly didn't want to have. But her body betrayed her when she found herself climbing the fence and walking up the familiar beaten path up to this beautiful array of soccer fields. 

No one was out there, not even the owner. She felt like she was safe as she walked the lines of the fields that she hadn't been to for a long time. She felt like it was kind of a right of hers to be able to do this. She was here before any other soccer player in Peachtree or Atlanta had ever stepped foot here. 

"I knew you'd be here." 

She let her shoulders drop at the sound of her voice.  

She felt caught. 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

"Why are you so predictable, cap?" 

Kelley shrugged and then squinted her eyes in an attempt to make them adjust in the dark. 

"I guess because you've known me like my whole life." Kelley offered. She laid her head down on the goal line in between one of the goals, right smack dab in the middle and looked up so that she could the stars shone very brightly in the night sky that was illuminated by the city lights in the distance. 

Kelley waited for Alex to lay down next to her. 

"Why are you here?" Kelley asked as she grabbed Alex's hand. 

"I'm deciding." The ATL forward responded. 

Kelley felt her heart skip at the thought of what Alex could be deciding and the decisions she herself thought about on this very field back in the day. 

"What are you deciding on?" Kelley looked to the side at her girlfriend, her face visible from the lights off somewhere from the cityscape. 

"Honestly, I didn't think that I'd beat you here. I thought that for sure I would find you here already." Alex chuckled. "But thanks." 

"For what?" Kelley asked, a little confused. 

"For giving me time to think." Alex said softly. She rolled onto her side to fully face Kelley, who shifted her body to do the same. 

"What'd ya think about?" Kelley whispered. She watched the way Alex's eyes scanned her face before she whispered, "Portland." 

Kelley nodded. She gulped. "Are you going to go to Portland?" 

Alex nodded, her hair trailing onto the dewy grass of the field. 

Kelley's heart hurt a little. 

"I think that after the Olympics, I'm going to go." Alex said softly. Again, Kelley nodded. She didn't want her to go, but she couldn’t' be selfish to ask her not to. That didn't mean that she wasn't dying a little inside. She felt Alex squeeze her hand tighter. 

"But...” Alex heaved a heavy sigh. "That's not what I was deciding on." 

Kelley watched Alex sit up and her palms digging into the grass to hold her up. Kelley followed suit. 

She waited for an explanation. She stayed still and silent, wondering when it would come. Maybe it was the darkness that was messing with her, but Kelley could see Alex shaking her head. 

"What is it, Al?" 

She kissed her girlfriend on the cheek. 

"What have you been deciding on?" She nudged Alex. 

Again, silence filled the air, and Kelley backed off a little, wondering what it was that Alex was deciding on. 

"I've decided to choose myself, Kelley." Alex said sadly. 

"Okay." Kelley held her breath. 

"I'm going to sell my house, afterwards." Alex's breath was shaky. "And I'm gonna start my life over again in Portland." 

"Okay. We can work through that." Kelley offered. 

"But before I sell my house, I'm gonna give you this." Kelley watched as Alex shifted in her spot and took off this jacket that she hadn't noticed Alex was wearing. She looked at it's blackness as Alex had gently put it into her hand. She didn't even need to really see it in the dark, she could feel it on her fingertips. 

It was a leather jacket. 

"Alex-" 

"From that first bouquet of flowers you gave me, I've known exactly what kind of wedding I would want with you. It would have been big and grand and a shitload of fucking people there, all wearing Stanford shit. It would be on a beach because I figured that you would want it to be in California." Alex's voice was shaky. 

"I fucking hate that school. So if you were willing to change that part, I would have been happy." Alex chuckled, while Kelley just felt her heart beat in her ears. "For some reason, the idea of kids and a marriage with you seemed like it made all sense in the world because from day one, you've been all that matters to me. 

"I meant it when I said that I love you, beyond myself." 

Kelley nodded. She really felt the tears fall because they way Alex said it this time, meant that there was an ending to something coming and she didn't think that she was ready for it. 

"But I think I'm going to choose myself this time, Kelley." Alex said with a crack in her voice. 

Kelley put the leather jacket over her head and let herself crumble and unravel under its safety. Alex just watched as Kelley's body heaved up and down with silent sobs. She could see Kelley's white hand gripping at the jacket to keep herself hidden, she could feel the strength in Kelley's hands as they clamored for some safety from the heartbreak. Alex's chest hurt because she knew that pain, and she knew the exact amount of brute force of sorrow that was pumping through the woman's body. It was the same amount that went through her after she had closed her laptop and ended the live stream of Kelley's Camp Q&A. 

"Please don't do this." Kelley's small cry came from within her huddled body and it wreaked of desolation that was almost enough to make her reconsider. But Alex wiped her eyes and got on her feet so that she could put some distance from this woman that had the power to bring her back and put her on a spell and weaken her down to a core. 

"I love you Alex." 

And by God, Alex loved her too. 

It was a good long moment until Kelley's body had relaxed and the leather jacket had been slumped to the ground and her eyes were just watching Alex stand before her. 

"She's not married, anymore." Alex said. 

Kelley wiped her eyes, but she didn't say anything in response. 

"I think it's time, little one." Alex said faintly. 

"I chose you." Kelley said with a deepened voice. She wanted it to sound resolute. It was a fact. 

She felt Alex crouch down in front of her and take her hands in hers. 

"Thank you, Kell." Alex said softly. That confused the devastated woman. "I genuinely mean it when I say that I know our love was real because you gave me the illusion that I had a choice in all of this. It's something that we both know I never had in the matter." 

Kelley put her head down.  She knew, they both knew, exactly where this was going. 

"I swear to God that I know that it was something that you tried to give me." Alex asked as she kissed Kelley on the lips. "Back when we were kids, I thought that gave me nothing, that I gave you everything. So thank you giving me the one thing that I wanted, even if it was just temporary." 

"I love you, Alex Morgan." Kelley said with a little plea. 

"I know you do." Alex said as she got up and then walked a few steps back, taming down the desire to reverse all of this. She knew it wasn't reversible. "You know I do, too." 

"Kelley, you're the love of my life." Alex said with a defeated shrug. "But I'm not yours." 

Alex hated the silence that confirmed the notion she's always had, the one that sat right on top of the unconditional and idiotic love she had for Kelley O'Hara right in her heart. She watched as Kelley got up and walked over to her. 

"Why is this happening now?" Kelley asked. Alex gulped. 

"Because I decided. It's time." 

Kelley's confusion didn't settle in, because it hit her why Alex was doing this, the initial pain was starting to abate. 

"You know, you always wanted to get away from this City and from where you came from. Always wanted to be a big star." Alex said. "And I never doubted that you would be, that you'd get out of here and make a name. I always doubted about myself. I didn't even want to play anywhere else because I didn't want to leave my family." 

Kelley felt Alex tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. 

"But you always end up back here, Kelley. Peachtree. Pike Place. No matter how famous you get, no matter how great you get, no matter how sad or happy or...taken, you always end up back here." 

Kelley felt her head drop. 

"I'm sorry for putting you through this." Kelley finally said. 

"Don't be." Alex said softly. "I wouldn't change it." 

"I love you." Kelley stated again. 

"I love you too. I think that I could hold on for a life time and be number two, but I think I would do it for selfish reasons. So...I have to remember that I love you so much that I have to....let you go." 

"You don't have to." Kelley pushed. 

"That's not fair. To me or to that other woman." Alex said before she kissed Kelley on the cheek.  

Kelley knew it wasn't. 

"Can you do one last thing for me?" Alex begged. Kelley nodded. 

"Can you please let me go?" 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

"Kelley, it’s like you don't own a car." Carli said as she looked at the sweat soaked old school Panthers Soccer shirt that Kelley was wearing. 

"Is she here?" Kelley asked through heavy pants. 

Carli shook her head. 

"No. It's just Brian and I here waiting to help her out before she comes back. She's having that surgery-  well-" Carli looked down at her watch. "She's probably done with it now. Hey!" 

Kelley turned back around. 

"Kell. Relax." Carli instructed. 

"Coach Lloyd, I HAVE TO TALK TO HER." Kelley said impatiently. 

"Cap, it can wait." Carli pushed. 

"No it quite literally cannot." Kelley said as she tried to make her way to well... She didn't really know where. 

"Cap, she doesn’t want anyone to see her post-surgery. Trust me." Carli warned. 

"There are other more important things that matter in life!" Kelley almost screamed. "I don't give a shit if Hope doesn't want me to see her in a hospital gown all drugged up."  

"What hospital?" 

"Kelley, don't -" 

"What hospital?" She demanded again. And she wasn't playing this time, and Carli had picked up on the seriousness in her voice. She gave her street and address. 

"What's going on? Are you okay?" Carli asked when Kelley looked set to leave. 

"I have to tell her." Kelley simply said as she turned to walk towards Hope's front door. She didn't even stop to think that this was the first time in the woman's new home. 

And Carli didn't stop her, nor did she ask her what it was that she had to tell Hope. Carli Lloyd already knew. 

She looked up to see Kelley halfway down the driveway before it hit her. She had another more important question to ask the young woman. She quickly ran out onto the porch, and yelled out before Kelley could get too far: 

"Don't you have a flight out for the Olympics in a few hours???"  

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

Being groggy and drugged was not exactly how she wanted to spend the beginning of her day. She was getting tired of the surgeries. And she hated herself for complaining, she didn't want to be a complainer, but these meds were making her nauseous. She was glad that she would have a couple of hours on her dosage schedule before she would be served up another one.  

Her sleep had weathered the storm that the drugs were wreaking on her stomach. She had a few safe hours.  

"Hi." 

Hope turned her head. 

Maybe these drugs were making her loopy, too. 

"What are you doing here?" Hope asked shrewdly. She wondered if this was all a mirage, because she didn't think these drugs made her that high, but there was no way that a US Women's National Team member was still here in Georgia at this time in the morning. 

"I'm seeing if you're okay." Kelley said with a smile. 

"Kelley. Are you fucking real right now? And if you're not, Dream Kelley can you please fucking go away because I don't think I trip very well on drugs." 

Kelley’s laugh really seemed real. 

"It's real Kelley." The voice said softly. The figure walked up closer and Hope reached out with her good arm to touch the skin of the woman before her. 

It was the real life Kelley. 

"What the fuck are you doing here?! You're supposed to be flying out to New York right now!" Hope said in a panic. “That’s what Tobin told me." 

"I know." Kelley said as she grabbed the hands of a very quickly distressed Hope Solo. 

"Then what are you doing here?!" Hope asked. 

"I'm making sure that you're okay." Kelley reassured. 

"I'm okay!" Hope pushed. "Can you please get on a flight to New York? Cap you're going to be so behind schedule." 

Kelley nodded to signal she understood rubbed Hope's arms to soothe her. 

"I know, Hope." Kelley said in a calm voice. "I told Paul to get in contact with Pia. I know." 

"I'm okay." Hope said again. "You didn't need to come here." 

"I'm not going anywhere else." Kelley said with a soft smile.  

"Yes, you're going to London." Hope pushed. 

"Just shut up." Kelley said as she rolled her eyes. Hope didn't understand. "I'm going to be the one they're going to check you out to." 

"Cap, you honestly don't have to. I told Carli that I'd call her when I needed-" 

"Carli knows that I'm going to check you out." Kelley said simply. 

"Shit." Hope groaned. "Ugh! Is she here?? That fucker. I told her that I didn't want anyone seeing me in a hospital bed. It sucks!" The older woman whined. 

"Oh shut up." Kelley smirked. "Carli's not here." 

"Oh. Then who are you here with?" 

The air changed and Kelley's smile softened and all of a sudden, Kelley's presence was starting to make sense. 

The young woman before her stroked her hair from her face before she said something that was FINALLY true: 

"It's just us two. Me and you." 

 

 

 

 

```````` 

 

EPILOGUE 

 

The bass bumped and bumped in her ears as she stood staring at her Nike cleats that were touching the tile in front her locker. Her heart beat along with it. Her beats headphones blocked out all other sounds. All that she had was the silence and the beat. 

She was ready. 

She turned around to sit and put on her shin guards. She caught sight of Tobin doing something similar. She looked up to see Christen give her a wink. 

Alex smiled. She was ready. 

She wasn't sure if the music in her headphones was the same music that was playing for all of the tourists and fans, but the beat was the same and she could feel the stadium vibrate. The energy in the stadium created undulations that drove Alex's heartbeat and the adrenaline pumping. 

She lined up behind her teammates and she took a deep breath before the doors opened and the light came through and they would walk out onto the pitch. 

Abby gave her a wink on the way out. 

When the crowd of 80k went quiet and the national anthem started playing, Alex cried. Because for the first time in her life, she thought to herself:  _I can do this._  

 

 

 _~~_  

 

 

Champagne was spilt everywhere. And it was the real champagne. The kind from Champagne, France. She never thought that she could score off of a header. She never thought she could help win an Olympics. She never thought that she would be able to do this without Kelley. 

The buzz was still there and she had put on this tight dress, and put on this skanky makeup, and strapped on these way too high heels. She let everyone and anyone touch her and congratulate her and the U.S and they asked if they could bite her medal. She never left Christen and Tobin's side. All of the alcohol was free, and there were gorgeous bodies everywhere, no shortage of Olympians. 

There were a dozen of cameras that she had official interviews in front of, but she was sure that there were ten times that amount of camera lenses following her every move. She didn't care. She took every shot (well not every) that she was offered, and she joined in on every conversation she could find. 

She was on the top of the world. She was a gold medalist. 

The only time she felt like maybe she would crash down is the time when she would look over at her best friends and see the love that they had, and for a second she would be reminded of the love that she didn't. But she would brush it away. She would look back down at the medal around her neck. 

"You're a FUCKING OLYMPIAN!!" That's what Leo shouted at her and when he and his friend had arrived at the club they were all celebrating at. His arrival to the club, courtesy of Alex and Tobin's checkbook. They needed everyone to celebrate with them. 

"I KNOWW!!!" She yelled in excitement. 

"I can't fucking-GODDAMN ALEX MORGAN!! America is going to love you." Leo said. He kissed on the cheek and they all bounced around the dancing bodies in the club, enjoying life. They eventually sat down on a VIP table that was reserved just for them. 

Alex sat down next to Christen who had Tobin's arm around her, with Leo and his friend sitting across from them. 

"Who are you?" Alex chuckled as she made eye contact with Leo's friend, the one that she had never met before. 

"You're the dude that works at Hope's club now right?" Tobin asked excitedly. 

"Yeah, we helped out at that camp." Leo said with a smirk. 

"Well, I'm Alex." She held out her hand. 

"I know who you are." He said with a laugh. He shook it. 

"I'm Servando." 

 

 

 

~~ 

 

 

"Why do you and Coach Solo have those black little ring thingies on your fingers?" Amy asked as she grabbed Kelley's hand without asking for permission. "Is that something that all coaches have?" 

Hope chuckled, while Kelley searched for the right answer. She couldn't come up with a good excuse. 

"Aims, just stop asking questions." Kelley said as she rolled her eyes and then smiled at the woman that finally, finally was hers. 

"Coach Kelley, did you watch the Olympics this summer???" The adorable girl asked. 

"I did." Kelley said with a smirk as she looked down at Amy who started whooping and hollering and dancing like it was a goal celebration. 

"What are you doing, weirdo?" Kelley asked, the name was actually a term of affection, Amy being her favorite. 

"I'm perfecting my goal celebration." The little girl explained. 

"You gotta score a goal first, kiddo." Kelley chuckled. 

Her and Hope stood back when Amy had thrown her ball down to the ground and then sprinted to a goal nearest them and then gave as hard toe poke into a ball that sailed into the back of the net. 

"OH IT'S IN!!!! ALEX MORGAN HAS DONE IT!!! BARELY 30 SECONDS TO GO!!!" 

Kelley grabbed her wife's hand and squeezed it for a second before Amy ran back up to them, all out of breath. 

"How about that goal?" Amy smirked. 

"First of all, Alex Morgan scored that goal with her head." Kelley smirked. She loved messing with this kid before practice. 

"Second of all, that's not how you strike a ball." Kelley added, satisfactorily. 

"Yes it is." 

"No it isn't." 

"Yes it is." 

"No it isn't." 

"YES IT IS!" 

"NO IT IS NOT!" Kelley said with clenched teeth. 

Again, Hope couldn't help but laugh. 

"Amy, I already taught you how to strike a ball. Now you're just trying to make me mad." Kelley warned. 

"No I'm not." 

"Yes you are." 

"No I'm not." 

Kelley rolled her eyes. She knew what Amy was doing. 

"That's how Alex Morgan strikes a ball." The little girl said matter of factly. 

"No she doesn’t." Kelley responded. 

"Yes she does." 

Kelley sighed. 

"That's how you kicked the ball for your goal last night." Amy said with a smirk. 

"UGH!! Amy!" Kelley balled her fists up and her temper was flared. 

"Don't get mad at me! You toe poked that last goal against Portland. That's what my mom said!" Amy yelled back. 

"I DO NOT TOE POKE." Kelley said with a clenched jaw. 

"Toe poke! Toe poke! Toe poke!" Amy danced around. 

"Amy...." Kelley growled. 

"Kelley..." Hope warned from behind her. 

Amy stuck her tongue out at the professional soccer player. 

"Go run to the fence and back!!" Kelley ordered.  

The little girl rolled her eyes before she turned around and jogged at the slowest pace the parking lot fence. 

At the sight of her little cleats going up and down, Kelley hated the sound she heard next. She closed her eyes in dread when she heard Hope's laughter. She didn't even want to turn around to face her. But she did. Because she knew.

And she groaned at the realization, and at the sight of Hope's smirk, that her life had come full circle.

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://wretchedthorium.tumblr.com/post/166537521549/authors-note


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